Spoke w a friend who was also late up like me today. We also worked together on an assignment earlier today, or yesterday. She was also very angry. We both being overstimulated. But at least she takes the time to repeat what she’s saying to me whenever I don’t hear.
I’ve noticed more as I don’t hear what people say and when it happens as I usually have a great hearing.
I’ve noticed that it happens when there’s some kind of background noise/we are out in public. Like I’m kind of filtering other noise out, and in the past I was really good at filtering background noise out. But now? I’m terrible at it and I feel so bad whenever friends tell me what bad hearing I have when it’s simply that I have a hard time filtering out all the other buzzing noises around. Lene talks to quiet, Lene talks too loud, Lene never listens, Lene has bad hearing, Lene is so quiet, Lene is way too loud, Lene is so calm, Lene is so unstable, Lene is so this so that I’m so tired of it all. I feel so misunderstood by practically everyone this past year.
I often find myself wishing lately that friends would ask me about things, how I am doing and it feeling like it is sincere and that they understand. I simply want to be understood. I want to open up, I want to be more genuinely myself. When, the rare times it happens, I’m asked something like what my favourite colour is I am so surprised I don’t know what to respond. The colour? The reason why? Can I give depth to my answer? Or is that annoying to them. I myself love everything friends tell me, I want the full story, the long version, yes, tell me it all! While whenever I do anything lately, tell a story, make a quiz, anything, it feels like I have to hurry up and finish talking or not make things too long for my friends. And honestly it hurts. It makes me so sad every time someone tells me to wrap it up already.
