Humaning Class: or How to Take Over Your World

Extremely simplified practical earth skills and how to figure out the humans. Not doing asks ATM. Use what you need, ignore posts that don't suit you morally. I only edit for clarity.

[humaningclass]

Face Reading for Kids Lesson 5: Sadness Worksheets

(Remember: HIGHLY SIMPLIFIED for a specific 5th Grader who is interested in acting and cartooning! If you want something more comprehensive, you’ll need to go to the library or get training.You should be able to long tap or right-click the worksheets.)

[humaningclass]

Face Reading for Kids Lesson 5: Sadness

(Remember: HIGHLY SIMPLIFIED for a specific 5th Grader who is interested in acting and cartooning! If you want something more comprehensive, you’ll need to go to the library or get training.You should be able to long tap or right-click the worksheets.)

a.    Outer side of eyes angle down.

b.    Skin of the eyebrows in the shape of a triangle. (Pyramid eyebrows)

c.     Corners of lips down, lips may even shake.

d.    Sadness may or may not result in tears.

“Pyramid eyebrows” might only apply to microexpressions right at the point someone thinks of something sad.

If they have a neutral expression, but are crying, this doesn’t mean false sadness. It’s far more likely a masking expression if they need to be strong for others, shock, or weariness. A “thousand yard stare” is likely real sadness.

Part of the face is far more likely to be exaggerated in false sadness. Here is Lucy pretending to be sad.

This child is pretending to be sad. Her eyebrows are in a neutral position and her bottom lip is exaggerated. She’s trying very hard to get someone to do something she wants by threatening to cry. Cover her mouth and see for yourself.

Extreme sadness makes some people want to hide. This is universal and has been going on thousands of years.

A lot of mammals have the same basic sadness facial cues.

But, Puss in Boots is trying way too hard. His facial expression is correct but exaggerated. He’s using the Big Eyes Thing to get someone to do what he wants (and to be funny.)

Don’t mix up sad and depressed.

People sometimes say they are “depressed” when they feel sad. Depression is an emotional sickness that doesn’t show up on the face, and though it can manifest as sadness, it feels more blank, hopeless, or endless than typical sadness. “Depressed” is not one of the universal emotions because it looks different on everyone.

Depressed people may cry, or they may not react at all to things they normally like, or they may mask as if everything is fine.

This is Robin Williams, a comedian who almost always had a Duchenne Smile. Or he seemed to. He had depression when this picture was taken. Is there anything in this picture that might make you think this is a fake smile?

Don’t mix up sadness and shame.

There is no universal expression for a complicated feeling called “shame”. 

Shame is a feeling of unworthiness because of how others may judge a person or their actions, in our culture it’s often a mixture of sadness and fear, sometimes disgust. Lies and deception are used by people who feel shame in order to protect themselves, and then they feel shame for being dishonest. They would rather not talk at all (remember, we call this “tight-lipped”).

Toxic Shame vs. Personal Shame

Like lies and deception, there are selfish and personal versions of shame. Toxic shame is shame over hurting others. Personal shame is, well, personal. People may be ashamed of how others view them, or of how something about them may affect their friends, family, or job.

The main thing to remember about personal shame is you cannot always judge others by your standards where shame is involved. Shame depends heavily on a person’s confidence and available support network. Something one person may be ashamed of may be something someone else is proud of.

For instance, it may seem silly to you for someone to deny eating a donut, but for people who have health issues, they may feel ashamed they weren’t eating healthy, then they will feel ashamed if they get caught fibbing about it. Try to help this person’s confidence in other ways without drawing attention to this. Never say their feelings are silly just because you don’t feel that way.

If you suspect someone’s shame arises from hurting others, you need to document and report this to an authority figure. This is toxic and there is good reason for them to be ashamed. Don’t try to fix it yourself.

How to Act Sad:

You may want to fake sadness while acting as or writing a character, or because you sense you’re supposed to be sad in a social situation but aren’t feeling it, or, as always, if you need to improvise deception to help an innocent person.

So, how can someone fake real sadness? Do this mostly the same way as happiness:

1.    Cover the bottom half of your face and practice in a mirror, making sure to move your eyebrows in and up. Be careful not to lift your eyebrows all the way up. This makes you look surprised.

2.    The mouth is hard to fake. You need to turn the corners of your mouth down without sticking out your bottom lip or holding your lips together too tightly. This is where most people make mistakes. In our culture, tight lips sometimes signify someone is ashamed and doesn’t want to talk. Practice is key.

3.    Use Sense Memory. Make a list of things that always make you sad and pull one out of your memory when you need real sadness. Try to keep yourself from thinking about things that make you sad until you need them for a scene. You may dull their effect by becoming used to sadness, and negative emotions are the one thing you don’t want your brain becoming good at.

4.    Find something to be sad about in the moment. When you can relate to a character or a song, you may start feeling their sadness.

5.    If you need to cry, but you can’t, strong smells and smoke can make your eyes water. The easiest way to make yourself cry is with a freshly cut onion. Onions release a sulfur-based compound that causes reflex tears. All you need then is a facial expression to match.

 When not to Act Sad:

Don’t act sad to manipulate people for selfish reasons. This is something toxic people do. Don’t be toxic.

[humaningclass]

Face Reading for Kids Lesson 4: Anger Worksheets

(Remember: HIGHLY SIMPLIFIED for a specific 5th Grader who is interested in acting and cartooning! If you want something more comprehensive, you’ll need to go to the library or get training.You should be able to long tap or right-click the worksheets.)

[humaningclass]

Face Reading for Kids Lesson 4: Anger

(Remember: HIGHLY SIMPLIFIED for a specific 5th Grader who is interested in acting and cartooning! If you want something more comprehensive, you’ll need to go to the library or get training.You should be able to long tap or right-click the worksheets.)

a.     Low eyebrows, contracted and at an angle. (V eyebrows)

b.    Taut lower eyelid to focus.

c.     Lips tensed or open as if yelling.

d.    Prominent gaze.

Most mammals bare their teeth when they intend to act on their anger. Same energy.

(So do animated dragons.)

Sometimes an angry person’s jaw or bottom lip will jut forward to expose more teeth before a physical attack. This person is not prepared to listen to reason.

Fake Anger: 

Anger is easy to fake, so it’s often used to deflect from another emotion like fear or shame.

This person is masking with anger. She is looking for a way to escape (e.), and she is trying not to let her fear pull the corners of her mouth back. You can flip this person, or reason with her to change her mind.

People generally get angry when they lack control over a situation. The easiest way to flip someone is to give them control over something, no matter how small. Even choosing to sit or stand, or giving them credit for an idea, can start to defuse an angry person who is prepared to listen for a way out.

Here is Lucy again, pretending to be angry. In comedies and cartoons, the angry features are exaggerated.

This may also be the case with someone who isn’t used to faking anger to deflect from shame. If someone’s anger seems out of proportion to the problem, something else is going on.

It doesn’t matter what it is until they burn out their rage. Get away from people who have Hulked out.

1.   How to Act Angry:

Sometimes it’s useful to act angry if someone isn’t taking you seriously, especially in a dangerous situation. In an emergency, 7 out of 10 people will react by freezing and pretending everything is normal. This is called Normalcy Bias. In this situation, the kindest thing is to be forceful. People frozen with Normalcy Bias will not react to a calm voice and face.

1.    Sense Memory is the easiest way to fake anger. Make a list of things that always make you angry and put it in your mental vault. Don’t use them unless you need them for a scene. You don’t want to train your brain to jump easily to negative emotions!

2.    Be sure to try different types of anger: lowering your head to glare silently, raising your head to yell like someone about to attack, pushing your bottom lip forward and clenching your teeth. See what works the best with your face.

3.    Try to look like someone who is angry but doesn’t want to fight, as well.

4.    Some people can turn their faces red by holding their breath a little. See if this works for you.

5.    Imagine growling or roaring, or really growl or roar. Train yourself to yell from the bottom of your lungs.

 2.   When NOT to act Angry: 

You should never act angry when it could put you or someone else in danger. The best way to win a fight is to avoid a fight. You have nothing to prove.

You should never act angry to scare someone into acting the way you want in an everyday situation. This is toxic and known as abuse.

[humaningclass]

The 7 Types of Smiles and How People Perceive Them - #1 Mental Health Blog - Talkspace

There are 7 types of smiles people will perceive differently. Let's talk about them in celebration of World Smile Day!

Extra credit from @neotigress!

(Forced smile is coming up in the fear chapter.)

[humaningclass]

Face Reading for Kids Lesson 3: Happiness Worksheets

(Remember: HIGHLY SIMPLIFIED for a specific 5th Grader who is interested in acting and cartooning! If you want something more comprehensive, you’ll need to go to the library or get training.You should be able to long tap or right-click the worksheets.)

[humaningclass]

Face Reading for Kids Lesson 3b: Comedy Smiles and Acting Happy

(Remember: HIGHLY SIMPLIFIED for a specific 5th Grader who is interested in acting and cartooning! If you want something more comprehensive, you’ll need to go to the library or get training.You should be able to long tap or right-click the worksheets.) 

 Exaggerated (Comedy) Smiles:

                        This person is too happy. When someone exaggerates a facial expression and holds it for a long time, they are trying to make sure you believe it. It may mean they are lying, but it also may mean they are just insecure. This is a masking expression.

You may also have noticed her eyes are wide open, now that you know the trick. If you cover half of her face, she looks surprised, doesn’t she?

Another reason she might be exaggerating is she is trying to be funny. Actors in comedies and cartoon characters often linger on an expression longer than a normal person for comedic effect. Masking expressions are common in comedies.

These are pictures of a famous comedienne and business woman, Lucille Ball. Lucy was known for her comedic facial expressions. Which smile is real?

 1.   How to Act Happy:

You can act happy ALMOST any time (more on that later); sometimes acting happy can make you happier. So, how can you fake a Duchenne smile? Here are three ways:

1.    Cover the bottom half of your face and practice in a mirror, making sure to move your cheeks and make crows’ feet. Be careful not to glare. Glaring means your eyes look angry. Your eyebrows should be relaxed and neutral.

2.    Actors often use “Sense Memory” to make an emotion look right. Make a list of things that always make you smile and pull one out of your memory when you need a real smile.

3.    “Kitten Therapy” means looking at pictures of kittens to make yourself feel happy.

4.    Find something to smile about in the moment.

 2.   When NOT to Act Happy:

You should never act happy when you need help, or to make someone else happy.

1.    If you are very unhappy, for instance if you are sick, injured, or in trouble, or someone you love is, you should not act happy. People need to know the truth in order to help you.

2.    If someone says they can only be happy if you are happy, this is a type of toxic manipulation, and toxic manipulation is a lie. You can’t make someone else happy with pretend happiness; this is about power and control, not happiness. In this case, you need to be polite and distant, like Polite Cat, and they need to learn to make themselves happy.

3.    If you have a trusted friend on the autism spectrum who has trouble reading facial expressions, you should try to be as honest as possible about your feelings so they know what to expect from you. This is called radical honesty.

[humaningclass]

Face Reading for Kids Lesson 3a: The Polite Smile

(Remember: HIGHLY SIMPLIFIED for a specific 5th Grader who is interested in acting and cartooning! If you want something more comprehensive, you’ll need to go to the library or get training.You should be able to long tap or right-click the worksheets.)

This meme is called Polite Cat, so this is a Polite Cat Smile or Polite Smile. There are many reasons people use a Polite Cat Smile. You need to find out what type of person you’re talking to.

a.     “Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.” ― Margaret Atwood

Men use this expression when they want to be left alone or to mask hurt feelings. Women use this expression because they want to be left alone as well, but also because they are raised to be wary of making people angry. You will see the Polite Smile on women more often than men, which is why a lot of men have a hard time interpreting it correctly.

How to respond: If someone uses Polite Cat and ends the conversation by looking away or looking busy, or by not replying, let them. It’s OK to respond with a Duchenne or Polite Cat smile and leave.

b.    Your friends on the autism spectrum sometimes use this expression as a base because it’s neutral, but friendly, and people will have to interpret their words instead of their face. It doesn’t necessarily mean they want to be left alone. They will let you know otherwise. They might not make eye contact.

How to respond: You should respond with a Duchenne smile when appropriate to the conversation. Don’t get louder if they don’t get it right away. (And try not to use masking expressions with your friends!)

c.     Children from abusive homes and warzones learn to use this expression to keep from making adults angry. They may use it long after they have been free from violence. They may hug themselves or hold whatever they’re carrying in front of them as a barrier. They may not even be aware of it.

How to respond: A Duchenne smile and a consistently calm voice will make this person feel safe over time. Don’t trap them (or anyone, really) in a corner or booth.

d.    People trained to get information use this expression to create an uncomfortable silence that gets other people to talk. The smile part makes it look like they already know something, and they will keep looking at you as if waiting.

How to respond: How you respond depends on whether you want to talk. If you don’t want to talk, use a Polite Cat Smile.

[humaningclass]

Face Reading for Kids Lesson 3: Universal Expressions/ Happiness

(Remember: HIGHLY SIMPLIFIED for a specific 5th Grader who is interested in acting and cartooning! If you want something more comprehensive, you’ll need to go to the library or get training.You should be able to long tap or right-click the worksheets.)

UNIVERSAL EMOTIONS: Happiness

a.     Elevation of the cheeks.

b.    Lip corners are pulled back and lifted.

c.     Wrinkles on the skin under the lower eyelid.

d.    Wrinkles between the nose and upper lip

e.    Wrinkles (“crow’s feet”) in the outer area of ​​the eyes.

The Duchenne Smile:

Real smiles have all five indicators. It is not a real smile unless the eyes are smiling. This is called a Duchenne Smile. The quickest way to find a real Duchenne Smile is to look for crow’s feet (e.).

Covered teeth usually means someone doesn’t want to talk, but sometimes they are just self-conscious about their smile or breath. You must use context to figure it out.

The Pan Am Smile:

Workers for a company called Pan Am were trained to smile whenever talking to customers, but because this was a forced smile, it got its own name, the Pan Am Smile. You can probably call the Pan Am Smile the opposite of a Duchenne smile.

Here is an advertisement from Pan Am. Sometimes makeup can make it hard to tell if a smile is real or not. See if you can guess which one is real.

Here’s a trick to help. Now that you know a real smile is in the eyes, just cover or ignore the mouth to tell for sure. See if the lower lid is pushed up or wrinkly.

The Polite Cat Smile:

This cat’s eyes are in a neutral position. She is not really happy. She is also keeping her teeth covered. This means she isn’t interested in being friendly and is just being polite. We call this being “tight-lipped”.

This smile is a learned masking expression in our culture, but once the Pan Am smile became commonplace in customer service, a lot of people lost the ability to recognize the differences in intent between this smile and a Duchenne Smile, even though this smile is very common.

This expression says, “I’m done talking to you, but I don’t want to hurt your feelings.”

[humaningclass]

Face Reading for Kids Lesson 2a: Eye Contact

(By request. Still highly simplified for 5th Grade.)

The general public wants to believe not making eye contact means someone is lying. You may see this in movies or on TV. This is a myth. In fact, too much eye contact can mean hostility.

There are all sorts of reasons someone may not maintain eye contact that have nothing to do with whether they are telling the truth or not.

a.     Allergies, contact lens problems, bad or missing glasses.

b.    Shyness.

c.     They’re interested in you.

d.    They’re not interested in you.

e.    You’re staring too long and making them uncomfortable.

f.      They’re on the autism spectrum.

g.     Something about you reminds them of someone they don’t trust.

h.    A noise elsewhere has gotten their attention.

i.    They’re remembering something. (See the image below)

Unless you know someone well enough to know how much eye contact they usually make, eye contact isn’t a good indicator of deception.

[beneret]

OK, so, someone who loves you would never use your weakness against you to show you how much stronger they are. They’ll use their strength to make you stronger. That’s how love works. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

[beneret]

Oh, heeeeyyy! The Consent Edugame How to Blorrble-Blobble is still working! 

[beneret]

Review: 

My mentally precocious almost-8YO, who knows babies are made with special hugs and science, and anyone can say “no” to a hug, loved this game. 

He enthusiastically said it was “pretty cool”, and up until the teacher says it’s about sexual consent he thought dancing was a metaphor for playing or hugging. Which it kind of is. When we got to that point, he said, “Wait, really? Oh, right, that makes sense.”

So: useful, easy to understand, appropriate for my kid, might want to play it before your kid does if you have qualms about the word “sex” (not here to shame your parenting style), you can pick a male or female player character and male or female dance partner and the results are the same.

I’d say anyone of dating age who hasn’t had a comprehensive consent talk should get something out of it. It’s written at a midgrade level so if this is the year your child gets the “how the human body changes” science class, you might consider adding this in, but they don’t need to be that young. There are people in their 60s who should probably play it, too, TBH.

[humaningclass]

(Adding cuz this is the blog where I archive our homeschool materials.)

[humaningclass]

Face Reading for Kids Lesson 2: FaCS, The Facial Coding System

(Remember: HIGHLY SIMPLIFIED for a specific 5th Grader who is interested in acting and cartooning! If you want something more comprehensive, you’ll need to go to the library or get training.You should be able to long tap or right-click the worksheets.)

Microexpressions are fast facial expressions that appear before someone uses their masking expression. FACS, or the FAcial Coding System, is a way of reading facial expressions that allows you to figure out what someone is really feeling.

A masking expression is the face people use to cover up what they are really thinking. It could be a blank, neutral face, or they may use another emotion as a mask. Happiness and anger are easy to fake, especially if someone feels ashamed or guilty, so people often exaggerate these as masking expressions.

A masking expression can be a lie or a deception. Most often they are used to smooth over social situations or protect privacy. (You should never point out when someone is using a masking expression for these reasons. Put it in your mental vault.) 

There are six universal emotional expressions based on human biology that cannot be changed by culture or upbringing: happiness, sadness, fear, anger, surprise, and disgust.

[humaningclass]

Face Reading for Kids Lesson 1: Lies and Deception

For a multitude of reasons, people often want to hide, or mask, their feelings, but they can be placed into two categories: self-focused and other-focused. Self-focused deception is selfish, as you might glean from the name. Other-focused deception is concerned with others. We will divide these into lies (self-focused) and deception (other-focused). Lies are toxic, while deception smooths social situations.

1.   Use the truth when you can.

For instance, if you answer the phone and a stranger starts asking questions, you say, “I’m not allowed to answer questions over the phone.” This is true, and it protects you and your family. But sometimes the truth isn’t the best answer. 

2.   When is it OK to lie?

It is never OK to lie. Lies are toxic and selfish. People lie because they think they are more important than other people. (There is an exception we'll get to later that's somewhere between lies and deception, but let's keep it simple for now.)

3.   When is it OK to be deceptive?

It is OK to use deception to help an innocent person (including yourself), to make a social situation go smoothly when necessary, and, of course, while creating an obvious a work of fiction.

4.   Real-Life Acceptable Deceptions

Socially acceptable deceptions are sometimes referred to as harmless untruths or white lies. Here are some deceptions that make life better.

a.    It’s a Fine Time for a Fine Time

You have had a long, hard day, but nothing too stressful, then someone at the store asks how you’re doing, but they’re obviously working or in a really good mood. If you rant about your day, you might ruin their good mood and take up a lot of time, and you know it’s not going to solve anything, so you say, “I’m fine.” This is slightly deceptive, but it’s not a lie because you’re other-focused.

(In fact, in our culture, “I’m fine” is the most common “white lie” -- so common it’s almost expected. This is why people sometimes giggle if you answer, “Fantastic!” or “Happy to be here!”)

When you shouldn’t use this deception: when you need help, or when you’re talking to someone close to you who might be able to change your mood. You should talk to people you trust when you’re having a problem.

b.   Donut Do That

You are waiting for your mom in the changing room at Target and you see a lost child yelling, “I don’t know you!” to a grownup and looking worried, so you pretend you’re friends, put on a big smile, and yell, “There you are! Your Mom sent us all out to find you! What kind of donut do you want?” You bring them to the changing room until your mom comes out or a Target employee shows up. This is deception, not a lie, because you are helping an innocent person by confusing a bad one.

When you shouldn’t use this deception: when you sense immediate danger or see a weapon. You should report it to a worker.

You should also avoid getting too closely involved when there is a grownup nearby who can help quickly, such as an employee or a parent with kids. You should always find a grownup when you can.

c.    The Twist Ending

A stranger is following you and a friend at the bookstore, they keep changing direction when you do, so you say, “I think I’ll look at the mysteries because my dad works for the police,” even though this isn’t true. This is a deception because you are scaring away someone creepy and protecting two innocent people, including yourself. When you are safe, find an employee and say you think someone is following kids around the store.

When you shouldn’t use this deception: when you need immediate help. Make your way to a crowded area away from the restrooms and exits and report creepers to the first employee you can find.

d.   Do No Harm

You see a friend who has been in the hospital a long time, and they look terrible, but you put on a big smile and say, “You look like you’re getting better!” This is a kindness, and other-focused, so it’s a deception that makes a social situation go smoothly, not a lie. (It also may make your friend feel a bit more confident.)

When you shouldn’t use this deception: If your friend is having an acute problem, like if their nose starts bleeding. You should tell them and make sure they get help.

TIP: The easiest way to find out if something is a lie or deception is to figure out whether it is other-focused or self-focused. If you know a person’s character well, this will be easy.

For strangers, you will have to look for clues in their facial expressions and body language, and you will need to remember detecting falsehoods is an art that uses science, not a science. Accept that you could be wrong before you start.

[humaningclass]