Humans Are Weird

Just a blog dedicated to reblogging all of the "humans are the weird ones" headcanons so they're all in one convenient location. - Feel free to tag this blog in your posts or send me them I'll happily reblog them - This blog runs on a queue with some random posts sprinkled in and I check on it every other day

[humans-are-space-australians]

Hey y’all! @Flierofwaste sent me this and I thought I’d share it with you guys ❤️

No one understood why the ancients had written in the great prophesies that humans, upon finding their way into the intergalactic community, must become the guardians of the great temples.

Very few species were even mentioned in the prophecy, let alone bestowed such a pivotal role in society. Some had spent centuries proving their worth, and along came these ignorant, unintelligent, fleshy bipeds with no natural weapons.

The secular faction used it as a reason to abandon the rules of the long dead ancients. Even the most staunch supporters of the writings questioned its wisdom.

But then, a year or so after humanity was refused its predetermined place in society ... "they" came.

A race that most believed to be no more than myth and legend, was once again threatening all life in the local group.

Yet, even without the consent or support of any other species, humanity stood guard at any inhabited planet they could reach. Word quickly spread of the immeasurable courage, altruism and sacrifice this seemingly puny and worthless race displayed. The galaxy rallied behind them until "they" were pushed back into the farthest reaches of deep space.

No one again questioned why a 'human' should always stand at the entrance of the great pantheon, or why those fleshy bipeds were given a seat at the grand assembly.

Life flourished under the watchfull and defensive eyes of a protective humanity.

[katsens-writing]

Popping Knuckles

Hi everyone! Since I’m starting a new blog for just my writing (my main is @katsen13) I thought I would begin with the one that started it all. Not only was this the first story I wrote on Tumblr and my first humans-are-weird story, but its the first story I wrote in general. I’m sharing it here with a bit of rewriting but it’s still the same story. I’m still trying to get word out about the new blog so if this could get a signal boost, I’d really appreciate it! Enjoy and as always, comments, asks and such are welcome!

     En’thaar entered the dining quarters of the ship and saw one of the ship’s human crew members, Cassie. As he approached Cassie, he noticed immediately the folder and stack of papers next to her.

     “Hello, Human-Cassie.” En’thaar greeted her. He attempted his best imitation of what humans called a ‘smile’. It didn’t work so well due to his almost beak-like mouth, but humans usually understood his intent. Cassie looked up at En’thaar and smiled back.

     “Hey Enth.” She gathered her papers closer to make room for the slightly bulky alien’s frame. He was tall and lean but his red, shell-like armor made navigation around things designed for the humans a little awkward.

     “How is the noon-meal today?” The alien asked. He wasn’t sure what humans called this particular meal, but he knew roughly what time they ate it at and he knew what they called that time. Cassie looked down at her tray, a strand of reddish hair falling into her face.

     “Is that what it is?” She asked, her smile replaced with skepticism as she wrinkled her nose. “I thought a Grogin had crawled on my mashed potatoes and died.” She looked up and noticed the alien looking at her folder and papers.

     “Oh, that’s the report from our last exploration on Juthar.” She spoke, taking a bite of what she hoped was carrots. “You know how the captain loves to read stories from the newer planets.” Her face fell as she chewed. Definitely not carrots.

     En’thaar nodded. “Yes, that is why I am here. I was going to find you after noon-meal but I saw you here so I thought perhaps we could talk now?” He inquired, his voice trailing off slightly. It felt strange to him, interrupting Human-Cassie while she was eating. In his culture it was considered rude, but he had noticed the humans also used their eating time to socialize.

     Cassie nodded, pushing her tray away with a shudder before she opened the folder. En’thaar didn’t understand why Human-Cassie always seemed to be working in the dining quarters. Most of the ship’s humans, including Human-Cassie, had a whole subsection in their quarters they referred to as an ‘office’, that was designated as a comfortable area to work. He had seen several humans take advantage of these offices and had even assisted in some research for a pre-mission briefing in one.

     “The captain requested a very detailed report of our last exploration,” the alien stated, looking curiously at the human’s tray.

     Cassie furrowed her eyebrows as she scanned her draft of the exploration report. “Why? Was something missing from the last one?”

     “I thought the same thing, so I asked the captain. Nothing was missing, she simply said that stories from Juthar are her favorite,” the alien replied. “Though I suspect something in the first report intrigued her and she wanted to know more about it.”

     Cassie smiled, cracking her knuckles as she spoke. “Well I’d best get started then, huh?” She grabbed her stuff and got up to leave, turning to say goodbye to the alien. “I should have the rep–”

     She stopped when she caught a look at the alien’s face. “En’thaar? Hello? You there?” She looked at the tall alien who was frozen in place. She was beginning to worry when the alien finally spoke.

     “Why did you do that?!” He asked, bewildered. “We need to get you to the med unit immediately!” He reached for the human’s hand but stopped himself. “I don’t want to hurt it any more. Come with me.” He grabbed her arm and started walking toward the medical corridor.

     “Hurt what?” Cassie asked with confusion as she was pulled along by the humanoid, crustacean-like alien.

     “Your extremity twigs.” The alien replied with a determined grimace. Every human and alien in the dining quarters had turned to watch.

     “My fingers?” The confused human asked. “En’thaar, they’re fine! See?” Cassie held up her hands and wiggled her fingers.

     The alien stopped in his tracks and looked at the human’s hands incredulously. “But… how is that possible? I heard it! They broke!”

     Cassie laughed. “You thought I broke my own fingers on purpose?” She cocked an eyebrow. “Wait, you mean the cracking sound?” She laughed again. “Yeah, that’s something I do sometimes when I’m getting ready to do a lot of writing or typing. It’s kind of like stretching before an exploration.” Cassie demonstrated by continuing to crack her knuckles.

     The horrified alien flinched with every pop and crack. “Are you sure they are supposed to do that? You are sure they are not injured?” By now a group of aliens had gathered around to see what the commotion was.

     “Mm-hmm. See? All done.” Cassie held up her hands with a smile and wiggled her fingers again. Some of the aliens looked relieved, others looked frightened and a few looked like they were going to be sick.

     En’thaar’s face held a look very similar to a mix of nausea, revolt and relief. “Thank the Starmaker it’s over. That was the most unpleasant thing to ever witness!”

     Cassie looked up at the tall alien with a grin. “Guess I’ll just have to do my toes later then.”

[humans-are-space-australians]

Please go follow this blog is you want to read some great humans-are-weird writing!!

[marvelfandom]

Diana + Holding onto Steve’s coat.

[talk-shit-get-fit]

[anachronic-cobra]

Alien: You’re telling me that in times of great distress humans have been known to suddenly gain the strength necessary to lift objects more than a dozen times their own weight?!

Human: Yeah, it’s called “hysterical strength” and it usually happens in life-or-death situations, like when someone gets stuck under a car or something and someone lifts the car to get them out. We can’t really test it though, ‘cause it only happens spontaneously.

Alien: Humans have the ability to tap into untold strength and power and you don’t even know how you do it?

Human: Pretty much, yeah. We think it has something to do with temporary analgesia, so we just don’t feel the pain we should when we pick up a 3000-pound car.

Alien: YOUR PAIN RESPONSE JUST SHUTS OFF?

Human: Yeah, it’s like an adrenaline thing? Do you not have that?

Alien: Fuck you and your entire species of tiny juggernauts.

[nevertheyponderwhetherelectric]

Did this post just use a dialogue format to trick me into learning science

[just-space-orcs-things]

“Hey, sweetheart, heard you got into a fight with some laundry and lost.” Xorne looked up from his holopad to see that human-Todd was standing next to human-Penny’s cot.

“You should see the other guy,” she muttered but her speech was slurred.

“Hope he looks just as bad.” He said before he brushed hair out of her face. Xorne was intrigued. He so rarely had a chance to observe casual interactions between humans. He knew humans were pack animals-it was the first lesson that any individual needed to know when working with humans-but this kind of physical intimacy was stunning to Xorne. “Darling, they gave you the good stuff,” human-Todd laughed at her and then looked at her wrist, wrapped firmly in bandages and a heavy brace. “You’re a klutz! You didn’t have to go this far to avoid buying drinks tonight.”

“You’re buying,” she mumbled. He smiled and pressed lips to her forehead. Xorne would have blushed if he were capable of doing so. He had not known that human-Todd and human-Penny were mated.

“You’re sticking to water til you sober up.”

“Jerk.”

As she drifted to sleep human-Todd looked at Xorne. “What’s the prognosis?”

“human-Penny will make a full recovery.” Xorne said. His tone was flustered to his own ears. “I am sorry to intrude upon your intimate time. I will leave if you wish to continue. I did not realize you two were mates…” He stumbled over the words. He had thought that humans were supposed to be prudish by other species’ standards! The guidebooks all said so!

“What?” human-Todd had a confused expression. “Theres nothing intimate going on. That’s disgusting!”

Xorne hesitated. “I have offended and angered you. I apologize for my actions. What have I done that I may not repeat it in the future.”

Human-Todd made a disgusted noise. “Penny is like my kid sister! We grew up on Charon Six together in the old Catholic group home in the city. I would never ‘mate’ with her!” He was very upset. Xorne tried to puzzle this out.

“You are… hatchmates?” Xorne asked tentatively.

Human-Todd sighed. “Not literally but… you guys don’t have adoptive families? Found family?”

“My people are solitary by nature.” Xorne said. “I can recognize hatchmates by scent to avoid inbreeding but we do not form social groups similar to your 'families’.” Human-Todd seemed so… sad. “Do not cry, human-Todd!”

“I wasn’t going to cry.” He replied. “That’s just… sad, I guess. I never knew my…” he fumbled for a word. “What would you call parents?”

“That term is sufficient.”

Human-Todd nodded “Anyway, never knew my parents. The Sisters said I was a war orphan. So I made my family. Penny and I signed on here together… hell, I couldn’t leave her alone. You see how klutzy she is! She needs someone to look after her.” He said mostly to himself. “I think you’re part of my family too, Xorne.”

Xorne blinked. He felt oddly good at the statement. It was clearly very significant to him.

“You’ve always been good to us and you try to look out for Penny. So… honorary cousin or something?” Human-Todd offered his hand. Xorne hesitated before he recognized the human gesture for handshake. He extended his clawed hand

“I am honored.” Human-Todd grinned. The expression always seemed predatory to Xorne but he had been assured it was a friendly expression. They released hands. Xorne paused a moment before speaking up. “What is a 'cousin’?”

Human-Todd laughed. “Its uh… your parent’s hatchmate’s kid.” Xorne made an odd face. “Part of our families.” He assured Xorne. “Hey, I gotta get back to that meeting with the researcher. Shes gonna bitch if I don’t and then the Commander will scold me. Not that I would mind that too much.” Xorne did not understand what was obviously some kind of human innuendo. “Keep an eye on her? Lemme know when she wakes up?”

“I will… cousin-Todd.” Xorne said, testing the new phrase. His human cousin grinned.

“I like it!” And he left. Xorne felt his frill rise and fall in pleasure at this new feeling. He was part of a human family! He gave a little trill before he settled back in his seat with his holopad, contented now to be watching over his new human-cousin.

[strangehumanexcerpts]

Humans are creatures of habit. Repetition is so ingrained in the human mind that some will perform tasks without even realizing it, saying it was a “force of habit”. Aside from possibly irritating those around them, some habits are relatively harmless. Examples of these are tapping objects on any and all available surfaces, cracking knuckles and other joints (this one can be a bit disturbing, but again is harmless), or chewing on the ends of pens and pencils. Other habits can be quite unhealthy. Such unhealthy habits include, but are not limited to, stress eating, picking at the skin (yes some humans will actually rip pieces of their skin off without noticing), pulling out hair, etc. If you notice your human has developed an unhealthy habit, try to help them find an alternative, healthier habit to focus on. You cannot stop a human from performing repetitive actions as it is literally etched into their neural pathways. But, with diligence and patience, you can in a way train your human to stray from bad habits. Sometimes this is as simple as offering them an object to fidget with instead of their own hair and skin. Other times, breaking these habits can take years. While concerning, most of these habits are not life threatening, so allow your human as much time as they need to break these habits.

[updatebug]

human language

I like to imagine that part of the reason that humans are considered the weird ones throughout the galaxy is that the universal translator just, doesn’t pick up on the nuances of our language. More specifically the fact that our language is not strictly just the words that we are saying. 

Part of our language is in body language and tone, you can say “I hate this.” to mean anything from actual hatred, to humour, to reluctant love and it all depends on minuet changes in tone and body language. Not only that but this body language can mean different things in different humans. For one person saying “I hate you.” With their head down and shoulders shaking could be a genuine expression of hatred. For another it could be a sign that they’re trying not to laugh. Not to mention the nuances between different cultures on top of that. 

Then another part of our language is the history/symbolism. I mean one possible explanation for the phrase ‘bite the bullet’ is because soldiers would bite down on a bullet to deal with the pain of operations without anaesthesia. In order to get that phrase you need to a) know what the hell a bullet is and B) realise that the human does not mean it literally but is instead using it to symbolise doing something you dislike. The australian saying ‘flat out like a lizard drinking’ apparently means really busy. Like i’m actually from earth and I have zero context for how these things link. 

Then finally, the meaning of what we say is entirely down to context. Example; “I like girls.” “I like girls” and “I like girls”. all three of these mean different things: 

Example 1: “I like girls.” Said Mary to her catholic parents. 

Example 2: “You don’t even like girls,” Said Darren, “You’re too much of a tomboy.” 

“I like girls.” Carmen protested. 

Example 3: “I like girls.” Dave explained, “I don’t Like like girls.” 

Like, no wonder humans are the weird ones in the galaxy. As far as the other aliens are concerned we must talk complete nonsense. They get trapped in a cave after a rock fall and a human starts going on about flinging a small earth feline around. The captain orders them not to rescue their fallen comrades as it goes against orders and the human goes: “Yeaaaah. Suuure we wont.” and then goes and does it anyway. A human once attempted to describe their experience stranded on an unexplored planet by using the same word as a qualifier: “It’s got rain but it’s not like rain rain. 

Quirirntarl met zer ship’s human a few quirats ago, ze thought they had established a friendly realtionship and engaged in the human bonding exercise ‘Rainbow Road’ only for the human to threaten zem with violent, painful death. Ze has been afrai to leave zer quarters for an entire quirant.  

[zottolol-blog]

I love how at some point he says “I’m actually from earth” like the norm on tumblr is alien

[the-queen-of-harts]

I’ve been thinking about the humans are wierd posts what if aliens only communicate verbally or telepathically and are super surprised by our gesturing.

Not only sign language but like wondering why we are waving around our hands for emphasis and military signs.

Like imagine there is a collaborative mission to explore a new planet headed by a human and the human stops in the middle of a sentence, looking around alarmed. The aliens confused at the disruption of the humans speech pattern question his well-being.

And the human Just puts a finger to his lips and gestures for them to crouch down, other humans follow the command directly. But the aliens just stand there convinced that the humans have collectively lost their minds and loudly question their actions.

Finally one of the humans whispers to explain that the captain heard something and that they need to be quiet and stay low til we know what it is.

[pickingoutchinapatterns]

Red

Author’s note: Originally, I was going to have this set this at their bench.  Right now though, I’m feeling very sappy so unremarkable house it is.  (I also think that we could use some sap after MSIII.)  Thank you to everyone who encouraged me and helped me along the way! 

It’s a slightly chilly late spring evening as Mulder drives slowly home. He smiles, playing with the note she left on their desk as the scent of flowers and fresh earth blow in through his open window.

“Meet me at home for dinner at 7:30 for a very early or very late birthday present. – S.”

Yes, home, he thinks.  Things had been changing for the better recently.  They were back in the basement, growing together again.  She spent more evenings at home than at that other apartment (he still refuses to refer to it as hers), slowly moving back in as she waits for the lease to expire. She’d slept over last night, but he hasn’t seen her all day; he’s looking forward to whatever she has up her sleeve. The note was next to the coffee maker this morning, on top of one of his ancient, beloved ties (ugly ties, according to her, but he thought they had character).  He decided to wear that tie to work today – maybe part of her secretly missed his old wardrobe choices.

He’s happy, he thinks, finally seeing their gate ahead of him.  He’s almost surprised to think it: 25 years together and he’s…at peace. He takes a deep breath of fresh air, gets out of the car, and starts walking.  He stops short when he sees her rocking in the swinging bench on their front porch.  She has obviously been busy.

The porch has flower baskets hanging from freshly screwed-in hooks.  The banister is similarly decorated with railing planters stuffed full with newly planted flowers of different varieties.  There are three balloons tied to each end of the swinging bench, bracketing her as if she was either the birthday girl or the gift. She even has food laid out beside her on a small wooden table and her big overnight bag on the other side.  As he jogs up to her, he experiences a fleeting moment of panic, wondering if there was an anniversary or something that he forgot about.  Scully isn’t usually this demonstrative and he feels a bit guilty for meeting her empty handed, but the feeling vanishes when she looks up from fiddling the with food to see him, and smiles that special smile.

“Scully,” he grins, at a loss for words.

She blushes and shrugs. “I’ve been thinking lately that even though we’ve always considered this house ours, I haven’t always acted like it was in the last few years.  I thought it was time to officially reclaim it.  Are you hungry?”

“Famished,” he replies, his smile brightening even further.

“Dig in then.”

They eat in companionable silence, enjoying each other’s presence – it’s Friday, they have the whole weekend ahead of them, and neither of them are in any rush.  The wind picks up and Scully shivers, her hair blowing wildly in her face.  Before Mulder has a chance to brush it aside, she reaches into her bag and pulls out her old, big puffy winter jacket.  Mulder laughs.

“I didn’t know you still had that!”

“I found it in one of the boxes at Mom’s.  I thought bringing it over today would be appropriate,” she smiles slyly at him.

“Oh, why is that? Were you looking to recreate some of our early days tonight with slightly different endings?”  He leers at her, leaning in closer.  

Scully chuckles, kisses him chastely, then stands and walks behind him.  She wraps her arms around his neck from behind and whispers seductively in his ear.  “We could do something like that later, but I had something else in mind when I left you that note.”

Mulder shivers, feeling his groin twitch and trying to suppress the urge to turn and kiss her like their lives depended on it.  25 years and she still does this to me, he thinks.  He feels her shift behind him and hears her rooting around in her coat pocket.  

“Close your eyes,” she whispers after kissing him behind the ear.  He obeys and feels her awkwardly trying to put a pair of glasses on him. She chuckles as she tries, then stands beside him as she positions them better on his face.  “OK, you can open them now.”

He opens his eyes, wondering briefly why she got him a pair of sunglasses – she knows that he already owns several – when suddenly he realizes…

“What the hell?!?”  He scrambles up, looking around him, at the flowers, at the balloons, at the trees, at the grass, the sky, at his beloved (and yes, godawful) tie.  It’s so much to take in, it’s so…VIVID.  He peeks under the glasses and then pushes them back into place over and over again.

Scully smiles, enjoying his reaction.  “I found out about these a little while ago and decided to surprise you.  I thought there was no better way than to do this here, at our home, so that you could enjoy it for the first time.”

Mulder looks over at her and sees… purple.  And blue. And pink.  “Scully, did that jacket always look like that?”  She laughs as he paws at it like it’s a unknown specimen. He turns again to the flowers, seeing the vibrant shades of red, yellow, orange, violet…..for the first time.  He never knew the trees were so…green.  He turns to Scully again and then freezes, his mouth gaping open and then closing over and over again.  Scully moves closer to him, one hand holding his while the other caresses his face, wiping away a tear that is slowly rolling down his cheek.

“Mulder, are you OK? Should I have warned you first? Is this too much?”

“Red.”

She nods, looking around at their surroundings.  “I tried to bring as many different colours as I could find.  I even have some paint swatches in my bag.”  She begins to bend down again before he stops her, shaking his head.  She looks back up at him, the tear track still glistening on his awed face.

“All these years…..God Scully…all..I….” he takes deep breaths.  She steps closer, wanting to comfort him, not knowing that this moment would overwhelm him so much.  

“Mulder it’s ok.  You can take them off if this is too much.  I shouldn’t have surprised you like that. I should have…”  she stops when he shakes his head “no” earnestly.

“Scully, all these years and I never knew just how devastatingly beautiful you were.  …I mean, I always knew you were so devastatingly beautiful but you’re so VIBRANT.  Your eyes are so BLUE.  But your hair, your hair Scully…..I never knew….”  He runs his fingers through her hair, marvelling at how the light glints off of it, making it seem alive with colour.  It’s gold, it’s red, it’s fire, it’s … Scully.  

They kiss, both of them emotional now.  Mulder, slightly embarrassed, attempts to diffuse the situation by asking her if she gave him this gift so that he would be able to tell the difference between human and alien blood.  Scully huffs a laugh, rolling her eyes, quipping that she wants him to avoid as many hospital stays as possible.

Eventually, they sit back on their bench, wrapped up in each other, Mulder pulling back every now and then to play with her hair.  Eventually Scully looks to the horizon.  She catches and squeezes Mulder’s fingers, halting their thousandth progression through her hair.  

“Mulder, look at the sky. I want you to experience the sunset with me.”

He humors her, glancing at the light show in the sky and agreeing that it’s amazing, but he can’t help his eyes being drawn back to her; he kisses her forehead, and then rests his own there. “Nothing could possibly compare to what I’m seeing now.”

They sit together on their bench long after Mars and Venus appear in the sky.  

Notes:  I never liked the whole red-green colour blindness being canon.  I did think that this could be a way of changing it.  (If you’ve never seen it, there are many videos on youtube of colourblind people being able to see colour for the first time while wearing these special glasses.  For example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TROCGz5qvmw  and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJ6YV9-qxmg.)  Please let me know what you thought!  (@today-in-fic)

Please note that the author is not responsible for the development of DM2 or cavities from the overload of sappy sweetness.

[thegrape-gatsby]

Another humans are weird space orcs idea because I really like thinking about it. What if aliens have no idea how to hide their emotions? Like, they suck at poker because they can never keep a straight face or anything. or, on a darker note, their ship is hijacked and they can’t keep the fear out of their faces, but all the humans look cold and emotionless to them. Other aliens hating having to bargain with humans becase we can bluff and keep our emotions in check so well, but when they get frustrated it’s all over. Pirates threaten the space ship and they send the human to do negotiations, and the pirate talking is super confused because no matter what threat he makes, the human just doesn’t seem to be fazed one bit.

Someone please, feel free to add to this, I love to see what else people come up with!

@space-australians

[silentsnowdrop]

Venusian Radio

This was written and edited last night. Thanks to @programaticallydelicious for editing help–now it doesn’t read like a textbook so much!

For as long as humans have been sentient, we’ve looked at the stars. They’re  a source of both inspiration and fear—just as regular as the sun and moon, but in unfathomably strange ways. Constellations were easy, for they came by the season. There were some stars, though, that wandered, went back on their paths or shot ahead for no reason. We called these stars planets, for their wandering, and we believed they were the homes of the gods.

One of these homes was Venus. She often sits in the sky in the morning and evening, brighter than any nearby star. Her official name is that of the goddess of love, but we also call her the Morning Star. She’s captured our attention since ancient times. But she was shrouded in mystery—she never rose high enough to get a good look at her without haze and glare. The early images of her were shaky and confusing, and it wasn’t until we got into space that we got a proper image of her. We knew how fast she spun (a little faster than us), and what was in her air (close to ours, with noticeably more water vapor). However, that was only a sketch of her. We didn’t truly know what she looked like.

But we didn’t need to know what she looked like to find the people on her.

In 1937, a man named Grote Reber built a radio telescope in his backyard and aimed it at the stars. When he did so, he found a strange mess of information coming from Venus. A little work brought it into focus, and the knowledge floored scientists the world over.

That mess wasn’t natural. No-one could doubt it, because it was voices. Unintelligible, to be sure, but voices, speaking to each other. Even the start of World War II couldn’t dampen astronomers’ excitement. In spite of the war, they tried to figure out how to get a message out to Venus. Eventually, they decided to send a string of prime numbers out to Venus. Prime numbers, and greetings in every language we could muster. We had no way to know if they used the same base numbering system as us, or if they would want to talk to us. The atrocities that the war brought with it made it hard to think they would talk to us. But we hoped.

And they rewarded our hope by sending back a different string of prime numbers. The words after were unintelligible, but we at least had contact. We knew someone was there, and they knew we were here.

Once World War II ended, we started trying to send them more messages. Governments sent targeted broadcasts of TV and radio stations to Venus. Scientists sent mathematical concepts. We wanted our planetary cousins to know that we were here and ready to talk.

And they were ready too, because they sent things back.

From their TV stations, we learned that there were actually two sapient species on Venus. One, the Delosans, were water dwellers. They had grey-blue skins and webbed hands and feet. Some found their lack of hair off-putting, and their sexes looked the same. However, their large eyes helped to make them cute rather than terrifying. They lived in strange, fantastical underwater cities and coastal towns in the tropics. Their media stereotyped them as carefree fishers who traded their bounties for tech and tools to make their lives easier.

The second species, the Chrotors, were covered in hair, in shades ranging from red to blonde to black. Their arms were longer than human arms, but their faces were plenty human enough. They were more widespread than their aquatic counterparts, with cities all over the continents of Venus. Their stereotype was as the inventors and builders of Venus, who traded their tech for food.

Thankfully, both species seemed eager to talk to us. While it took some time, we managed to communicate. Subtitled movies and simple slideshows in English and Russian weren’t much, but they were a start.

Why English and Russian? The Cold War was on, and the USA and USSR were in a race to see who could get to our neighbors first. However, the communication they sent back was nearly always in one language. When we asked, they told us that they had one language they used for diplomacy. They had strife between their various factions, of course. Using one language, though, meant that misunderstandings were less likely. This was especially important with two species with very different needs on the planet.

It was a bit of a slap in the face, all told. It became more of one when they expressed that they wanted to hear from all of us at the same time. The USA and the USSR could barely exist on the same planet; how were they supposed to get along enough to work together to send a message? Any sane person would have told you that it wasn’t going to happen.

But that sane person would have been wrong. Despite the Cold War, scientists from both countries managed to come together. They came up with a message for the Delosan and Chrotoran people. We filmed representatives from every UN country greeting them in their native language. We mixed the order together with no regard for alliances or animosity. We had a people to greet, and we were going to do it with all due politeness and joy. A revolving door of international stories followed, along with musical performances and art.

And with the stories and art and music came a surprise for us as well: we weren’t so different. There were dozens of versions of Cinderella out there. Every culture had its dances, and everyone had their favorite dish by their mom. As time went on, the stories became more personal. Different people from disparate cultures told each other stories from their lives over shared meals. Laughter and tears both resulted. It was hard to hate your opposing number when you’d shared a beer and a laugh. Even if it was for the benefit of some extra-terrestrials that were hanging on your every word.

This began to extend to the higher-ups, too. Presidents and Chairmen shared wine as they watched concerts. Senators and members of the Soviets played soccer together. Everyone was beginning to see each other as people, and that went a long way in making it easier to negotiate. By the sixties, talks of nuclear deescalation were seriously beginning. Even massive egos and sudden stumbling blocks like assassinations and impeachments couldn’t stop the snowballing effects of humanization, cheered on by people who were far more different from humans than humans were from each other.

By the early eighties, it was done. The USSR was pulling apart, piece by piece, and the US was actually helping the countries it had promised to help—which included Russia. There was still tension, but it was muted by the fact that we were all talking to the Delosans and Chrotors as equals, and they were doing the same with us.  We sent ideas back and forth, new ways to talk and power and reach out to each other, both on our own planets and between our planets.

Throughout all of this, we’d been planning a way to actually meet our cousins in person. Traveling that distance was going to be a challenge. We also didn’t want to expose ourselves—or them—to new and potentially pandemic diseases. We’d sent them things on their request, and received things in return, but never something live. The closest we’d come was some dead-virus vaccines, since they wanted to compare genetics and immune systems. As it turned out, their process for vaccines was similar to ours. With the millennium closing, we began working on how best to adapt that for our diseases so they would be safe when we came.

So it was more than just a surprise when, on January 1st of the new year, a broadcast came through to NASA.  They requested room to land at the Kennedy Space Center. Their shuttle would be arriving later that evening. Panic—excited panic, but panic all the same—engulfed the world, as leaders scurried to get to Florida and NASA tried to make sure their shuttle wouldn’t burn in and explode.

But all of it—every decade of it—was worth it to see a Delosan and a Chrotor walk off their strange-yet-familiar shuttle, grinning as they called, “We come in peace. Take us to your leader.”

I swear I could hear everyone around the world laughing with them as we all finally came together, over something that had started with a simple man’s radio telescope.

[yourunicornmind]

Acid

“Friend Anna, why are you taking tablets? Are you ill?”  Glarak was concerned, as completing the task ahead without the unique skills of her human assistant would be extremely difficult.   “I’m fine, Glarak,” Anna responded, “It’s just acid reflux.” “Acid reflux?” Glarak was now doubly concerned, this sounded very serious indeed to her.   “Sometimes our stomach contents leak into our oesophagus, it’s rather uncomfortable.  These tablets neutralise the acid and stop it burning.” “Kranack!  Are you telling me that not only do your bodies produce flesh dissolving acids, but that sometimes this acid leaks to the wrong place?”  Glarak quivered, now convinced she would have to finish her shift alone.  

[bellalynna]

Ok so a few of us we’re talking about how to describe humans, and someone brought up smell. So people were saying how bad humans smelled… But what if….. Humans smelled good… Like freshly baked cookies or something.

Like: a couple of aliens in the rec room playing a card game.

Alia: “I just got assigned to work with a human. Its my first time, being around one I mean.

The human in my work area was named Human-Nickelie. Hes seemes smart and hes good at his job but I cant be in the same room for more then a half hour. Its just that he smells like,ahhhh?”

Alib: “Vahben fruit”

Alia: “yes, thats it vahben’s were the best thing on our home planet. Just thinking of them made me hungary.”

Alib: “Do humans tasted like vahban?

No, oh no did I just say that out loud?”

….

Someone from near by table whispers: “Do they?”

[cuernosdeloro]

Trichotillomania

Ok, so I’m fairly new to tumblr, yet I’ve read and laughed at so many ideas about humans are space orcs. But I noticed that there is no post about trichotillomania. So here’s my late-ass contribution:

For those who don’t know, trichotillomania is a “side effect” of mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety (generally, but can be from others too). It basically consists on pulling your hair out (pubic hair, leg hair, arm hair, eyelashes, eyebrows, anything). A lot of times is treated with ocd medicines and antidepressants, yet (from personal experiences) it has no known cure. It affects almost (if not) every aspect of your life, and tbh is difficult to deal with.

I really don’t want to make this post so long, but if you have a question don’t be afraid to ask! ^_^

—•—•—•—•—

“Hiooman Anne,” said Itz’kut, getting close to the female who was reading one of those old-fashioned artifacts called “books”, “what is that what you are doing?”

Anne jumped in surprise, making a high-pitch noise. A “squeak” they call it.

“Oh! It’s just you Kut,” she sighed in relief. The crab-humanoid-alien’s antennae flicked at their shortened name, still somewhat confused at the humans tendency of shortening everybody’s name in the ship, even with their Captain.

“You scared the shit out of me! I’ve told you to knock the door or make some noise so I know you are here” the human talked quickly and almost out of breath, avoiding to make eye contact with the 8 pairs of eyes focusing on hers.

“My apologies for sce-ering you hiooman Anne, I forgot how your species focuses intensely into an activity”

“It’s okay, just knock okay?” Her body visibilly relaxed as her voice took a slightly confident tone. “So, what do you need?”

“Well, for the last couple of zdirs I’ve noticed your top mane getting thiner and your eye filaments disappearing, is it a natural process of your species?”. Immediately she tensed up, and her hands went on covering her top mane slightly, her eyes widened up as they darted actoss the room.

“Oh, that… well, I can assure you it is not a natural process at all, ehm, how do I put this,” she lowered her arms and grabbed tightly the book. “I-I think you would need to sit down”

Itz’Kut knew somewhat about human etiquette and flexed its frontal appendages so its body was half resting. Immediately the translator spoke;

“Did I offend you hiooman Anne?”

“Not at all, I just wasn’t expecting your question..”. The humans hands moved in quick and monotonous motions.

“So, Kut, you see, you have read about how humans are different right?”

“Yes”

“Well, some of us are more ‘diverse’ than others. For example, some of us have certain abilities more developed than others and stuff…”. Her voice was getting faster and her eyes focused on the book.

“And I believe you’ve read about mental illnesses”

“Sort of, I read that when your emotional and mental status are exposed to a certain kind of physical or emotional stimuly it can result in mental deterioration”

“Well, yeah. Kinda, you get the idea right?,” she didn’t wait for a response, “So, some of those bad stimuly can really affect your health, and sometimes humans have a hard time recovering from it. To make things short, certain side effects can literally ruin out lifes, and we have studied them to make the healing faster, so there are medicines and therapies and…” she was talking too fast and Itz’Kut was not understanding.

“I apologize hiooman Anne, but I am afraid that I can no longer understand you.”

The human took a deep breath.

“Sorry, I need to sort out my thoughts. I tend to ramble every time I’m too nervous”, she looked at them quickly.

“I understand”, Kut didn’t understand.

A couple of minutes passed before human Anne spoke again, this time more slow.

“Itz’Kut, you may or not know about what anxiety and depression are, but I want you to know that I have them. This means that on one side my brain does not care for anything in the world and just wants to lay in bed and sleep; on the other half my brain is nervous and worried about anything at all. Thus making my head a complete mess between the constant urge to care about every last being in the galaxy and not caring at all.” She grabed the book closer. “So, a side effect of that overworking of my brain I tend to pull out hair.”

“I see,”, Itz’Kut was baffled, he didn’t understand at all what it meant, but it sounded pretty bad. “So you are telling me that your brain is constantly battling against itself and a side effect of that is you pulling out your own h-eir?”

“Basically yeah”

“I am sorry to hear that, how can I help you to deal with it?”

She chuckled, “I appreciate your concern but it cannot be cured. You see, I’ve had it since I was 5 human years, and it increased ever since. Its called Trichotillomania and actually a lot of people suffer from it.”

Kut was completely horrorized to hear that it cannot be cured. Humans could repain anything!! They even repaired themselves! How was it that they could not cure such thing?

“I think I understand, but I will need time to process this information”

“I get it, but please, don’t tell anybody.”

“May I ask why?”

“Because if you or someone else tells anybody it might create rumors, plus, I know you that you don’t understand it, but it’s okay. I get it, I need some time too, but I’ll explain it calmly later on ok?”

“Afirmative hiooman Anne”

Kut was about to leave the room when he heard the female’s voice.

“Oh and Kut?”

“Yes?”

“Call me Anne”

“Ok Hio-.. Anne”

He exited the room and just wandered through the spaceship, thinking about the “disorder“ that hiooman Anne had, he was tempted to send a message to the Federation, but they promised not to tell anyone.

They wondered what it felt like.

—•—•—•—•—

Wow that was intense!

So anyways, I apologize for any grammar mistakes (English is not my first language). Also I apologize to anybody that is offended by it. Your situation may be similar or different to the one described here (which was based on my own), and I did never intended to aggrieve you, your point of view, or your beliefs.

Anyways, I’m sorry you had to waste your time with this shitty post! ( ；´Д｀)

[aestheticalspace]

not directly space related but any x-files fan here?

[impalalord]

We knew they were out there, inhabiting what the empire previously called “The Dead Zone” due to it’s extreme lack of life, sentient or otherwise. After their first contact with us some bigwig government xenosocialogist decided that these ‘Humans’ must have eradicated any other life within their territories. They were unofficially banned from any form of contact with the empire through at least a few hundred layers of bureaucratic nonsense. They eventually got the message and expanded their own territory in other directions. They largely slipped out of the public eye until the dark plague reached the colony on Zeti VI, the entire population was bedridden for weeks and slowly wasting away. The Humans came suddenly, the appearance of their small fleet in the Zeti system bringing fears that they had finally started their invasion against our empire. Our only xenologist that wasn’t bedridden quaked in fear while examining the markings on their ships, certain that it was a war fleet sent to kill every man, woman, and child in the system. A single pod came down at our base, and the Humans aboard started unloading supply crates with the same cross markings as the ones on their ships onto the landing strip. I was ready to accept their terms of surrender, because we had nobody who could even raise a fist against the invading army. I stepped forward, and then I saw something that truly scared me, because the face I saw was not that of a war loving monster, but that of someone who wanted to be my friend. The Human smiled and held out his hand to shake my own “Don’t worry” he said, his voice smooth and serious “We’re the Doctors Without Borders, and we’re here to help.”