i am a thousand grapes for lunch

jay "trojan horse" jaybird ;; 30s ;; he/they/it ;; unkillable ;; banner by @that-tall-queer-bassist

[hundredsofsmallbirds]

[zillychu]

this man is about to put me back in the hospital

[thememedaddy]

[woman-becomer]

imagine a goat with a hat

STOP-

what hat did you give the goat what is the instinctual hat you gave to this goat

[valtsv]

i'm like a fujoshi but for dead people

[valtsv]

if you could see the thread i'm hanging on by you would not say these things to me

[fleetwood-mac-andcheese]

[itsbasil]

you put those tags on this post where they belong

[splendidland]

my idea for a new disney world ride. please signal boost this so that this ride can be at disney world.

[reverendsicko]

My partner and I noticed you from across the bar and uhh... give us the amulet

[reverendrowdy]

Use your PTO

[oldbutchdanielmolloy]

the first thing about rpf to understand is that it is ultimately fiction and we will never understand the true inner workings of the lives of celebrities because there is always going to be a veil of performance clouding the way we perceive them. the second thing about rpf to understand is that it’s always true + real and it happened exactly as i imagine it in my mind

[whysosirris]

[everydayimslothin]

Far be it of me to comment on the politics of another nation, but the Binface thing is so fucking funny. I just saw an attempted smear article against Binface in the Telegraph. It was basically just like THIS JOKE IS NOT FUNNY IT IS STUPID ALSO A DIFFERENT GOOFY POLITICIAN WHO DID A SIMILAR BIT KILLED THEMSELVES (stay classy Telegraph) AND ALSO DID YOU KNOW BINFACE IS LIBERAL!?!?!?!?!?

I'm reminded of a time in high school during student body elections, when some of my friends began posting signs around the school to encourage students to write in a vote for the pokemon blastoise. And no one really took it seriously until the school did a psa over the morning intercom not to vote for blastoise and to take the election seriously.

After that everyone in the school, now realizing they had the ability to actually mildly disrupt the proceedings of those in power, agressively and obsessively began campaigning for blastoise. 'A vote for blastoise is a vote for blastoise. Vote Blastoise.' Became the most common thing to hear in the hallway. Some people even made tshirts with a tshirt press. Eventually a human was elected but only because the school didnt count the blastoise votes. Real voter fraud happening here. I bet the boring human class president only got like 3 votes in total but I'll never know how much my hero Blastoise was cheated.

Anyway a vote for Binface is a vote for Binface. Vote binface.

[unalivejournal]

Ok. What you're gonna want to do is chop up a cucumber and put it in a bowl. Then you're gonna sprinkle a generous portion of salt on top. Then you're gonna drizzle them with a balsamic vinaigrette and gently shake to combine, leaving you with a cool and refreshing summer snack. In 15 seconds dangerous and burly men are going to drag me away to an unknown second location. Remember everything I've taught you. I love you

[dogpuppy]

[mogblin]

the thing about job searching is i see all these job postings and im like i dont wanna do any of this for any of you

[phantomrose96]

Boss tries to fire me for poor performance but I punch the ground and spit out blood and say "No... this isn't how this ends" while my leitmotif plays

[phantomrose96]

Boss fires me for my poorly-composed leitmotif

[pangur-and-grim]

it's good that I will never be a dog breeder, bc I would make the elephant dog. long borzoi snout, chunky pitbull body, ears of a papillon

[pangur-and-grim]

why aren't we doing this?

[pangur-and-grim]

you 🫵 you can join the breeding project.