julian keller @hxllixn-archive - Tumblr Blog

spxdergwens:

gwen rolled her eyes, letting out another huff of breath. she didn’t say anything to that, just looking out the window and starting to scan the street below and the surrounding rooftops for a way out of there. “don’t you have somewhere else to be? like fucking your yellow boyfriend or kicking a puppy or something?” she shifted out of the view of the person on the ground when she realized they were looking up, just in time for her to hear them yelling below that she was in there. dammit.

"yellow boyfriend?" that got a laugh from him, even if it probably hadn’t been her intention. “no. unfortunately, i’ve been targeted for a fucking hate crime instead. it’s tragic, i know.” he relaxed somewhat - obviously they both knew the greater danger was on the street, and not each other. “i’m assuming the other exits aren’t an option?”

#;para #;gwen

goldenelixxir:

He hadn’t expected Julian to actually be able to make anything better, but he’d certainly not counted on him to make it worse in two minutes either. “She’s alive. She doesn’t want to speak to me. The end.”

Work wasn’t exactly a respite, considering there wasn’t much of it to do, but he’d rather have nothing to do alone than answer another horrible fucking question. If that was the only thing Julian could come up with he could do without it. “I don’t want to talk about it, okay? There was no reason for you to come.”

julian, as unbelievable as it was, hadn't sought out to make things worse. “i’m sorry,” he said quietly, taking a step back. he knew that it wasn’t him that josh was pissed at, but the comment stung nonetheless.

“i’ll go home, i guess.” he didn’t want to, not really, but he got the feeling if he said so he’d just further complicate things. the room was silent, aside from a sputtering snore from the one remaining patient.

#;para #;josh

goldenelixxir:

That remark finally got Josh to look at him. For a few seconds, all he could do was gape. It said something about their lives that such a question would occur to Julian at all, let alone so quickly. That he had the audacity to ask it was a different issue altogether.

“Yes, she’s alive!” he snapped, his fingers clenching into a fist that he held without realizing it. “You don’t think I’d know if she was dead? Jesus Christ, Julian.” He hadn’t wanted him there because the problem had nothing to do with him, but apparently he should’ve been more worried about how damn insensitive he could be almost by default.

Josh threw the tape back into the drawer in front of him and shut it a little too hard.His one sleeping patient rolled over in the bed. For a tense few seconds, he was worried he’d woken him up. The moment passed.

that was a reasonable thing to ask, though, wasn't it? maybe it was indicative of how fucked up he was that it seemed like one. “you heal people,” he said helplessly, “you don’t commune with the fucking dead, and it’s fucking impossible to keep track of anyone.” yeah, he decided, it was definitely bad that it’d been his first question.

evidently it’d been the wrong thing to ask, too, but he couldn’t change it now. so she was alive, then. julian didn’t know what would be preferrable, finding out emma was dead or that she didn’t want to speak to him. he’d have to agree, probably the former, if only because he’d already dealt with the latter enough times for it to be bearable.

#;para #;josh

spxdergwens:

gwen had a nasty habit of getting herself into messes she couldn’t quite get herself out of, and now was no exception. it was easy for her to outrun the people following her, but once she got into the safety of the warehouse, she knew that the place was surrounded. pulling off her mask to try and catch her breath, pushing her sweaty locks out of her face as she looked around, trying to find something that would help her get out of this situation with minimal damage. she knew that she was going to have to do something crazy, stupid, or possibly both in order to get out of this with her limbs—and, perhaps more importantly, her identity—intact. She let out a huff of breath, wringing her mask in one hand.

her spider-sense started to tingle, and she whipped around, letting out an exasperated sigh. “you know, contrary to what you might think, i’m really not out to get you. no need to look like you just got tricked into a cage match.”

cage match. yeah, that was an accurate enough description for what julian was bracing himself for, even if he doubted they were thinking of the same thing. not violence - that’d never been their thing, not physically anyway. mentally, well. he knew he should speak, should draw first blood before she could, but he was so tired of fighting her. it was like a shitty re-run of all their worst parts with all the good taken out, and he didn’t want it.

“implying you’re not waiting for a chance to rip my throat out,” he mumbled, not putting any heat into the words. if she wanted to take the cheap bait, she could, but for once he could admit that wasn’t what he wanted.

#;para #;gwen

goldenelixxir:

“Unless you can tell me why Dani won’t take my calls,” Josh shrugged, still not looking at him, “I’m not sure there’s anything else.” He didn’t need an answer to that, anyway. He knew why she wouldn’t. They’d barely talked at all since he got to Star City. He wasn’t a kid anymore - he didn’t need a “legal guardian” and the things he’d done had fallen too far outside of what she’d been willing or able to deal with.

She loved him, so on, but he wasn’t her responsibility anymore and that meant she could go her own way again if she wanted to. Obviously, she did. He didn’t blame her, but it also left him feeling…a little lost. He didn’t expect to ever see or speak to his actual parents again. He wasn’t part of the school anymore. Other than Julian and Laura, all of his friends were elsewhere. While he wasn’t technically alone, he seemed to edge closer to it all of the time.

julian'd thought a lot on the way over about what josh could be so upset about. this option hadn’t crossed his mind. he’d kept track of most of their teachers and classmates over the years - if nothing else, at least a vague awareness of where they were, who they were working with, just for his peace of mind. dani? he hadn’t thought of dani in - well, since he’d last brought her up, to make a point, to hurt josh. but he didn’t know where she was, what she’d been doing. for all julian knew, she was dead. he felt like an asshole for not knowing, but she’d never been important to him the way she had been to his classmates, and he knew they’d say the same of emma. “jesus,” he mumbled, confused, caught off guard. “are you...are you sure she’s alive?” that wasn’t the right thing to say, but he didn’t have anything else. would it even be a comfort to know that was the reason she’d been avoiding josh, or would he feel better knowing she was out there somewhere, willfully ignoring him?

#;para #;josh

goldenelixxir:

“Just having a bad day.” It wasn’t untrue, really. That had been the case before he talked to Julian, it would very likely continue to be the case now that he’d decided to show up instead of just dropping the subject like Josh had wanted to do. He twirled a roll of medical tape on his finger for a second before laying it in a drawer with the others.

“You really didn’t have to come all the way over here. I’ve only got a few more hours.” And really, he didn’t know what to say about any of it. It had virtually nothing to do with Gwen. Including her in the conversation had been, at most, mildly annoying.

"how can i help?" it was a sincere offer. julian had made a lot of progress in the last several months. he still didn’t understand what the issue actually was, but he’d do whatever he could to make it better, even if he didn’t know what he was supposed to be fixing.

“i wanted to see you.” he frowned, pouty face making a return. “i can leave if you want.” he wouldn’t, and they both knew it, not unless josh got seriously angry with him. even if something horrific happened in the next few minutes and the clinic flooded with patients, he’d sit on the damn counter and wait. there was a time when the prospect would have seemed like hell to him - waiting for someone, not doing anything himself, like a pet - but if julian wasn’t going to accomplish anything himself anytime soon he’d make sure josh’s project was a success.

#;para #;josh

midsommars-deactivated20201109

#;i wonder what it's like to be the type who doesn't burn

QQ: guess you'll have to live with not knowing.

JK: dick

#;text #;quire

goldenelixxir:

@hxllixn

Josh had been at work for a few hours, but it was a slow day at the clinic and it left him too much time to think. Julian’s unsolicited texts about Gwen did not help that problem. Laura had gone out for supplies, which they sorely needed after the day the city had fallen apart, and that just left Josh and one sleeping patient. Usually the ‘halfway house’ portion of things was dead during the day. Nobody wanted to sit around. They came back for a bed at night and a meal. He couldn’t blame them.

He’d considered checking in with Thierry, but he knew that he’d healed Chase of anything physical he had going on. Whatever existed beyond that point was their business. They hadn’t asked him for anything else and it felt too invasive to offer it.

When Julian showed up, Josh was organizing one of the cabinets just to have something to do. He kept doing it after he’d glanced at the door to see who came in. “Hey.” He’d really not intended for the texts to lead to him coming all the way over there. It was for nothing, really.

nothing about the conversation they'd had had given julian the impression josh wanted to see him, but he went anyway. julian preferred to do his confrontations in person, and even if josh had said there wouldn’t be one, he couldn’t help the feeling something was off. “hey,” he said absently, not really focusing on the greeting. “what the fuck’s going on with you? don’t say nothing, cause you’re a shitty liar. what’s up?”

he couldn’t fight the instinct that he’d done something wrong. it was as likely an explanation as any - he bit down on his lip, cocked his head to the side, waiting for a response. he’d thought it was clear that he was over gwen, but that was the only part of the brief conversation he could guess had upset josh. it shouldn’t be a question anymore, at least, not on julian’s part. he knew damn well how julian felt - had been told, multiple times now, which meant if there was a hesitation, he - julian fought the anxiety back. not yet.

#;para #;josh