A Living Existential Crisis

*finger guns* constant denial amirite fam squad?

[thoodleoo]

do u ever just wish u could be an ancient oracle and your whole job was to do weed and tell stupid riddles to rich conquerors only for them to misinterpret your words and die

[gharibajameel]

horses are inherently funny because they come in so many sizes. like draft horses

this looks so fake. this horses skull is bigger than the dudes entire torso. this horses NECK is thicker than the dudes entire BODY.

and then at the opposite end of the spectrum you have shit like this shetland pony which ALSO looks fake

what the hell happened to this thing who bred this line of ponies to be so ridiculous

[hapalopus]

fun fact, while most mini horses and ponies look fat, like the shetland above, some are genuinely just scaled down versions of regular horses

you look at this and think “wow that’s a horse i bet I could ride that” but you’d be wrong because this is an american shetty and it’s the size of a large dog

also fun fact, this is the world’s smallest horse, thumbelina

and this is the largest horse ever, brooklyn supreme

[wodneswynn-deactivated-deactiva]

I would fucking die for Brooklyn Supreme

[woodelf68]

I’ll take a maxi over a mini any day.

[mrgoldsshopofhorrors]

Marilyn Monroe’s The Girl from The Seven Year Itch, possibly one of cinema’s first on-screen monster-fangirls

[handful-ofdust]

Guillermo del Toro: “Uh huh, uh huh….”

[omgitsrin]

Guillermo del Toro:

[madamslayyy]

Y’all I am WEEZING

[lolipoploveify]

[animals-are-other-nations]

[dalmonite]

“These are my children.”

“They look nothing li—”

“LOOK HOW BEAUTIFUL THEY ARE.”

[daysofstorm]

for some reason I really like that she’s called Hilda.

[roddaprime]

This happened on my grandmothers farm when my mom was little,

baby ducks act a lot like baby chickens so in the beginning it wasn’t so bad

the main problem is that baby ducks  LOVE water, but baby chickens get very very dead from it,

so you can imagine the mother hens surprise and horror the first time they go by the farm pond and ALL THE BABIES RUN TO THE WATER AND JUMP IN

my grandmother had to come out of the house to investigate all the noise the hen was making

The mother hen was clucking and screeching in distress and running circles around the pond while the duckies were having the time of their lives.

This happened a few more times before Momma hen was like FUCK IT YOU WANNA SWIM SEE WHAT I CARE , and would sit a distance away watching them in the pond.

if the ducks ever abandoned any eggs my grandmother would always put it under that particular hens nest cause from then on she always knew how to deal with her “water loving” delinquent children

[gokuma]

BEST ADOPTED MUM

[advanced-procrastination]

“Half my children are fucking idiots but they’re my children and i love them”

[webslingin]

we out here….. being cryptic…… foolish….. and gay

[crow--teeth]

me, crouched like a goblin shoving graveyard dirt in my mouth with my bare hands at 3AM: my ghost is gonna be so fucking strong

[banishedquasiroyal-deact]

FUCK silverfish

[daystxlker]

if those are the little bug things that look like centipedes yeah fuck em omfg

[banishedquasiroyal-deact]

I HATE THEM SO MUCH

[daystxlker]

OH IN MINECRAFT I THOUGHT YOU MEANT. REAL ONES SLDKJFLSKDJLFSDF

[banishedquasiroyal-deact]

wait

WHAT DO YOU MEAN REAL ONES

[booty-clappin-deactivated201807]

where do you think the name came from

[banishedquasiroyal-deact]

i don’t know, tumblr user plump9000. i sort of thought they weren’t real, like endermen. or creepers.

[timurmurtazin]

>implying endermen aren’t real

[banishedquasiroyal-deact]

really not liking what you’re implying buddy

[amosseleznev92]

The fresh adult dating site that makes it easy to find casual sex near you. Join free to someone new instantly, and hook up tonight

[pochowek]

[mothbug-deactivated20200626]

Forever grateful that the Wallace’s Flying Frog (Rhacophorus nigropalmatus) is a real living creature that exists on this earth at the same time as me.

[w9sp]

As soon as I saw this my brain instantly just

he propel

[mothbug-deactivated20200626]

please join the pokémon design team

[theselfcarelifestyle]

If you’re looking for someone to save you, look in the mirror.

[bogfox]

Bloody Mary finally coming in clutch

[canwehaveapooldad]

[king-of-goblins]

When u forget to drink for a while n then u finally get water,, n you just can’t stop drinking. U go Gulp gulp.

[king-of-goblins]

It’s so hard 2 be a dumbass in these trying times.

[king-of-goblins]

I don’t feel like a very good goblin because I can never find any shinies to pick up :c

No friend!!! All goblins have slumps! And remember, shinies are different for all. I have a goblin friend who’s most precious hoard is dozens, if not hundreds of bird feathers. Another who lives near a brook has a box filled with only sea glass. That’s their only shinies.

Just because you can’t find shinies right now doesn’t mean you’re a bad goblin. Maybe You’re just not considering the right things.

[muddygoblins]

Dentists are the natural predators of the goblin

[muddygoblins]

justification: takes your teeth

[muddygoblins]

anyone who REMOVES teeth from my possession deserves to be hunted for sport

[king-of-goblins]

Counterpoint: if your dentist removes your teeth and gives them to you, they are an ally.

[you-had-me-at-hallow]

I have a headcanon that Hermione insists her children attend some primary muggle schooling before Hogwarts, just as she had done. Now, imagine Arthur Weasley attending his grandchild’s science fair, being the ultra proud grandfather….and yet also completely geeking out over absolutely EVERYTHING.

[jamiesshelves]

Canon

[themiscyra1983]

“That is a volcano, that is a VERY SMALL VOLCANO, how - young lady, how did you make this? Baking soda and food coloring? MARVELOUS!”

[worlds-of-ink-and-paper]

the kids would love him.

[bluefirecas]

Never have I ever loved anything more than I love this

[hexcoderose]

All the muggle teachers would think he was being so adorable, “pretending” not to know how potato batteries and mini-volcanoes work, fawning over the hard work the kids did on even the simplest the projects. And he comes every year, because after the kids have aged out (”gone on to some boarding school in Scotland,” the teachers say over bad coffee in the break room, “they didn’t seem the type”), he gets an honorary invitation to the fair every year, because he never stops making the kids feel smart and good. 

[elfwreck]

“And this airy-o-plane, it flies by means of a… rubber band? Did I hear that correctly? No magic at all? Doesn’t flap its wings like a bird? MARVELOUS! What an ingenious method of flight!” *looks around* “You, sir! With the ribbons! This child deserves one of those prizes!”

[caffeinatedklaus]

No context Umbrella Academy spoilers.