Hypocranial Transfusion

A place of lucubration and the results thereof, Hypocranial Transfusion provides sanctuary for epiphanies and the like. Comments and questions are welcome. Keep the juices flowing! ___________ Cranial Crunch - Mental snacks in the form of quickly composed paroxysms of the literary persuasion Hypothoughts - Pensive profusions of unsolicited advice and dubious wisdom Update Bulletins - Monthly reminders that this is indeed a semi-regularly updated blog

[nexya]

[british sigh]

[ellie5192]

#[slightly lower australian sigh]

[bonegeek-deactivated20150125]

[canadian apology] 

[metallikato]

[UNWARRANTED AMERICAN DECLARATION OF FREEDOM]

[goatpolice-deactivated20250128]

once a girl in my biology class asked if the sun had bones

[happilyneverforever-blog]

Once a girl in my spanish class asked if fish was a dairy product

[spacecrystxls-deactivated201712]

once a girl in my biology class exclaimed, “i didn’t know you breathed when you were sleeping!”

[alinatotheleft-deactivated20160]

Once a guy in my health class argued with the teacher for an entire period that peanut butter was a meat

[hypocraniac]

If it's okay to say "Sweet!" when something goes well why can't we shout "Salty!" without scaring passersby?

[strawberrydragonsforever-deacti]

[saveusalltellmelifeisbeautiful]

anikiforevah:

I dont know what i was expecting but it wasnt that

[sir-dorkio-deactivated20140630]

that got surprisingly deep.

and then stopped getting deep.

[minilinks]

I was not expecting this at all

[strix-scandiaca]

i started screaming when he began to saw through the dvd

[hypocraniac]

Did the irony with the movie title catch anyone else's notice?

[vodkacran]

The Robin.

[nodaybuttodaytodefygravity]

If you don’t think this was one of the most flawless moments in television I don’t know what you’re doing with your life

[awittycliche]

We named our own crayons at the Crayola factory.

[ofools-deactivated20151107]

just imagine a room full of dads all wearing polo shirts and sneakers telling awful jokes to each other and they all find it hilarious

finally

they belong

[punkpugs]

Oh god my dad would be in that room

[ofools-deactivated20151107]

you walk into the room and go: “dad please let’s go home i am hungry”

and they all turn around collectively and chant: “HI HUNGRY I’M DAD”

[omgtsn]

DadCon 2013

[sharky-bandit-deactivated201501]

DadCon2013

[dumboy-archive]

{DADDING INTENSIFIES}

[pandaaamonium14]

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

[skrillcholas-cage]

oh my god these are great

[princemetalthunder]

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes

[colbi-wankenobi-blog]

I didn’t even make it past the first one without bursting into laughter. I would be terrible at this job

[longslives]

Google is still in denial.

[robertdowneyjjr]

[hypocraniac]

Married life with Ellen and Portia.

[etherealangelfromanotherrealm-d]

*wanks at you through the window*

[etherealangelfromanotherrealm-d]

IMEANT WINK

[puncheschildren666]

[aurorharry]

[fudgeflies-deactivated20130619]

He also:

told Neville to stand up to people

confronted a full-sized mountain troll to save a girl he couldn’t stand

said it didn’t matter whether someone was a pureblood, half-blood, or Muggle-born

gave Dobby his sweater

faced a bunch of giant spiders in the hopes of saving the school and clearing Hagrid’s name

told Luna he loved her Quidditch commentary, and very sincerely tried to convince her he wasn’t teasing her

stood up on a broken leg, trying to protect Harry

gave up his grudge against Hermione the moment he learned how much she, Hagrid, and Buckbeak needed him

realized he was wrong about Harry putting his name in the Goblet of Fire, and promptly went to apologize

jumped into a freezing pond to save Harry and retrieve the Sword of Gryffindor

confronted his best friend to prevent his sister’s heart being broken any further than it already was

begged Bellatrix to torture him in place of Hermione

couldn’t break up with a girl who drove him nuts because he didn’t want to hurt her feelings

remembered the Hogwarts House Elves when no one else did, and wanted to make them evacuate, rather than order them to fight

tried to go back to Harry and Hermione as soon as he left them

didn’t make excuses for leaving, he came right out and admitted he had been wrong

didn’t get angry at Hermione for taking a long time to forgive him

saved Tonks’s life (while impersonating Harry to lower Harry’s chances of being killed, at the same time increasing his own)

told Hermione not to curse Draco, even though he hates him

In conclusion, Ron is awesome. The end.

and he put his shoes and socks on dobby to be buried in because he knew how much dobby loved clothes. disliking ron weasley’s character makes 0 sense.

[hugsandthimbles]

reblogging for the 100th time because ronald.

[gayeddies]

[bedfish]

this perfection is back on my dash again

[amazonwishlist-deactivated20180]

how concerned do you think people would be if i started putting quotation marks around everything i do like if someone asked me what i was doing i’d answer with something like oh just “taking out the trash”

[wearethewolfhearts-deactivated2]

Extremely concerned

[butterflyeffect712365-deactivat]

[black-widow-is-my-patronus]

Coolest teacher ever.

[starfleetist]

[wendywilandss]

(x)