TLG discourse that misconstrues Shane is running rampant as always. Here are very important things to remember before dissecting hollanov's dynamic and development throughout the book:
1. Ilya repeatedly expressed wanting to leave Boston even before Shane's plan. He was specifically eyeing Canadian teams except for Montreal. Shane didn't force Ilya to leave Boston and move to Canada for him. Ilya expressed that desire and Shane formed an outline of a plan around it. Ilya agreed to Ottawa, a barely functioning team. He could've chosen a different Canadian team, and Shane "Golden Boy of Hockey" Hollander would've definitely understood, but Ilya agreed to Ottawa (the specifics of free agency and the NHL are lost on me so this is purely based on canon). Of course, Ilya's choice is rooted in geopolitical and sociocultural contexts of both US and Russia and thus isn't completely his own, but Shane thought their plan wasn't the absolute fucking worse. When the question "would you choose me over hockey" gets thrown around, it catches Shane off guard, because in his mind the plan wasn't solely for Shane's benefit. It was a way to preserve both their careers and relationship and Ilya was all-in. Ilya deserves to have his emotions and struggles understood and heard, but Shane can't just be expected to feel guilt for things he never knew were an issue in the first place. He would've had to walk on eggshells around Ilya with the gravity of Ilya's choice hanging above his head at all times. That's not healthy. Shane had no reason to believe that his love would be in question.
2. Ilya's depression has two main factors: loneliness and insecurity. Ilya has no family other than Svetlana (in the show). He had no community to call truly his own until the Centaurs. He desperately needed people who are mostly his like Shane has his family and the Pikes. Hence why he wanted to come out to people. However, they had initially agreed to come out after retirement. He held it against Shane that Shane was resistant to the idea even though Ilya repeatedly dodged opportunities to properly talk to Shane about why. Besides, the idea of hockey players who would out them or use their relationship against them isn't an unreasonable fear on Shane's part when players like Dallas Kent are 1 in 3.
Ilya didn't want to burden Shane with his darkness, thinking himself as the "burden" in the relationship if he would. His Depression and upbringing convinced him Shane deserves better than him, and he's terrified of the possibility that Shane would leave him the second loses control over any of it. Still, he needs reassurance from his partner, so he still expects it. He interpreted Shane's hesitance to Ilya coming out to a few people as Shane not loving him as much when that was just the conclusion Ilya came to because of his compounding loneliness and insecurity. After their big fight, Shane immediately understood and worked to fix his mistake — he proposed and promised to make their relationship public, stood by Ilya when they were outed, he told Crowell to fuck off. Once Shane absorbed the gravity of Ilya's struggles, he went all in.
3. The book ends with them learning about communication and compromise; they just came to it from different points and paces. Ilya compromised before learning to communicate. Shane first communicated then worked to compromise. Ilya moved to Canada for Shane then worked to express himself properly and truly value his own desires and needs. Shane learned how to meet Ilya where he is at emotionally and mentally then left Montreal to be in the same team as him when he could've re-signed, put hockey above himself once again, or joined a different team that could fully accommodate a player of his caliber. Ilya's development is emphasized more by both the book and the fans, but Shane grew too. He breathed and bled hockey, then learned that he deserved better than to be the patriarchal system's perfectly functional cog. He can sacrifice perfection and control and the ground wouldn't collapse under his feet. That he had things to look forward to beyond hockey. He didn't sacrifice hockey, yes, but he sacrificed the dream, the ideal, the iron grip on his ambition, especially as a non-white player who had to do everything not to be sidelined to the margins. Shane's fears were proven right, but he knows by the end that it was the system's failing, not his. Shane would have definitely remained in Montreal if they treated him better, but accepting the reality with his head held high and further compromising his career by signing with Ottawa is still a sign of growth and dedication to their relationship.
4. Shane was not without struggles either. The book just didn't highlight them enough. Shane had a good team, yes, but it's toxic culture is heavily implied. It takes little stretch of imagination to surmise Boston was the same. Again, patriachal white sport. Yes Shane has his family and the Pikes, but he is still essentially an island in his own team, especially as the Captain who has exponentially more pressure and expectations. He copes with routines, systems, and plans. Ilya catches him off guard repeatedly and he has to recalibrate before he goes all in. Again, Shane is a POC in a patriarchal white sport. His actions are scrutinized more. He constantly feels like he has to justify his place. He was doing relatively "better" compared to Ilya — he's still in a winning team and has a more robust support system — but it was all fragile. He couldn't be as lax about everything as Ilya expected him to be. He needed time and preparation to get there.
I hope seasons 2 and 3 really do Shane's side justice! I have full trust in Jacob and especially Hudson to give care and attention to Shane's story.
blakekathryn
stormborns
baratheonpilled
turnnoffyourmind
ellievsbear
