I’m Dreaming

Life is infinitely stranger than anything which the mind of man can invent - Sherlock Holmes

[iam-thedream]

Life is long, and it is not easy. But if you leave now, it won’t get better - not for everyone else, all the people you’ll leave behind.

Life is long and you still have so much to do, so much you want to accomplish. You think you’re held back by other people’s expectations, by what society tells you. No, you’re held back by the power you let that hold over you.

Do what you want without hurting those around you. Make yourself proud in pursuit of what will make you feel fulfilled.

Life is long and this is just the beginning of your story.

[iam-thedream]

I don’t think I knew what I wanted; what I deserved, until I met you.

[iam-thedream]

I wish my heart would catch up with my head. I think I’m healed but when I feel the threat of abandonment, I’m reminded that healing takes time. I’m getting impatient.

[iam-thedream]

You know how ravens mate for life, as do fruit flies, and all other species have purposes to their existences?

What do humans do for life? Couldn’t say we mate for life as there are many folk who detest that idea, many more who don’t want the result of mating.

So what do we do? Why are we here?

[iam-thedream]

I lost my dad nearly a year ago. I haven’t been able to connect to anyone properly since. I can’t fall in love, I can’t feel or care for others problems. Of course I’m still a support for those close to me.

My heart is still too broken to work. My dad was my best friend; we were two peas in a pod. My other half is gone and now I’m just drifting until we meet again.

I’m still breathing. I will make my life so full that when I see my dad again I’ll have stories to tell him for eternity.

I just want to see him again. I was safest with him, the truest version of myself with him. I was whole.

When someone you love dies, more than a little bit of you dies with them. I think most of me died that night he passed because I haven’t been truly living since.

[iam-thedream]

It seems whenever I am most comfortable, and confident with myself, that is exactly when you are most cautious of me.

Unsure if I’ll embrace you, love you, care for and protect you. Or destroy you, just by walking away.

When I am comfortable I could move mountains, rule the world. Do you think I’d waste my time on you who fears me?

Of course I would. But would I love you, or destroy you? Well, that’s up to you.

[iam-thedream]

All the bright, precious things fade so fast.

Daisy Buchanan, The Great Gatsby

[iam-thedream]

Since I read your goodbye letter, I haven’t been able to focus. Your last words gave me all the closure I could ask for and yet I’m still holding my breath.

I guess I’m still living my life like a movie, and thinking that you’ll call me and tell me you’re back…I don’t know.

Everything I am is you. You were my best friend, my Dad and my mentor. I thought I’d have most of my life to learn from you but it all stopped at 21.

You’ll never see me graduate, meet the one I marry, or walk me down the aisle. You’ll never meet your grandchildren and teach them everything you know.

I used to cry over homework, boys and stresses of work. It was the little things in everyday life that made me want to scream.

But now that you’re not here I don’t even know how to breathe.

[iam-thedream]

Love isn’t butterflies in your stomach or some euphoric kind of sick feeling always.

Love is just wanting you to call me yours.

[neckkiss]

Annie Hall (1977)

[iam-thedream]

Unfortunately 😕

[iam-thedream]

My dad passed away last week after his battle with depression. My rock and my best friend is gone forever.

It’s hard but I feel so strong. I’ve been there for my whole family and I don’t understand how I’ve held it together so well.

Depression is like a virus. Once you have it you’ll always have it. You’ll start with the crippling symptoms and you’ll medicate yourself and soon feel better. But that doesn’t stop it coming back or mutating.

Depression is a lifelong illness and there isn’t enough health care support for it. We need change.

[iam-thedream]

[iam-thedream]

[iam-thedream]

If you don’t want to be friends with me anymore because we’re too different, that’s your call and I respect that.

I’m actually happy by myself for the first time ever! Your issues and drama don’t concern me anymore.

[amortizing]

“I’m in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we’re all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we’ll ever have, and I am in love with you.”

—

[iam-thedream]

I still believe I’m in love with my best friend. I know the feelings aren’t mutual but that doesn’t bother me anymore.

It doesn’t bother me because to love someone is to love them for just…existing.

Existing with or without you, with or without loving you back.

I still think he was the right person at the wrong time but who knows honestly.

[quotefeeling]

“No great mind has ever existed without a touch of madness.”

— Aristoteles

[iam-thedream]

"We're all mad here"

[iam-thedream]

We’re back in lockdown. Everyone is acting as crazy as they did last time, except they still insist on hanging out in parks with friends 🙄

While I have a job that I’m allowed to leave the house for, I’m trapped at home every other day. I’m running out of things to do.

Any ideas of creative projects to do while in lockdown?