Iambic Stan

xennial, she/her, Queer/asexual, Southern U.S. Cardiophile and bibliophile, only here for sensual, romantic, aesthetic, and comforting aspects of cardiophilia. Music, nature, and drag queen lover. Trekkie. Fully supporting Black Lives Matter and the LGBTQIA+ community. TERFs & MAGA DNI!

[iambic-stan]

obligatory "about me" & cardiophile fic masterpost

Hi! I'm a xennial, ace (asexual) cis woman, here for cardiophilia content that is soft and nonsexual. I've loved hearts and stethoscopes for as long as I can remember. Interested in talking to those who also see this as something comforting, sensual, life-affirming, and a unique way to connect with others.

I also love music, drag queens, nature/hiking, Star Trek, reading, and writing, to name a few things.

Fully supporting Black Lives Matter and the LGBTQIA+ community. TERFS and MAGA DNI.

It seems I've posted enough fiction at this point to justify a pinned post, so here's all of my fiction (and some fan fiction) on the blog.

All of my stories are SFW and nonsexual, with the (sort of) exception of "The Day After," which mentions sex acts but does not feature any. Many of the characters are asexual and/or aromantic. They are stories about friendship and romance and quite a bit in-between. A few are set in the Star Trek universe because I'm a bit obsessed with it.

Star Trek stories

Janeway and Kes | Portobello Gills | The Next Chapter

Tori & Elena & Konnor

Concertina | River View | Slow Burn | Salt Air | Trains | Home

Zoe & Kaliya

Water Lilies | Wagtail and Lotus

Vera

Vera's Hike | Benevolent Heretics

Uncategorized

Empath | The Day After | School Night | Telling Stories

[mollyvega]

Another Valentine’s Day moth. This anatomical beauty is Janis❤️

[iambic-stan]

Two things I adore: bugs and hearts

[iambic-stan]

last book + last stethoscope, part 53

Wow. Not since Sabrina Imbler's How Far the Light Reaches back in 2023 has someone made me so happy to be a queer nature lover. About the scope--this is a white/rose gold MDF stainless steel cardiology scope. It's the first I've bought of the stainless steel variety rather than the titanium from this brand. I'm not sure how I would feel if I used this somewhat heavy instrument daily for my job, but as a cardiophile I do love a nice, heavy chest piece. Feels and sounds better, though it's hard to say how much of that assessment of mine is just psychological. There's definitely something about a white stethoscope, and I've daydreamed about them since I was a small child. I've been keeping this one handy since I bought it because there is something really comforting about this color combo. Some people have plushies or action figures--I have stethoscopes. (Ok--tbh I have all three).

But about Patricia Ononiwu Kaishian's memoir--it's perfect, it's divine, and my only gripe is that it's too short at 255 pages. Kaishian, a mycologist, talks about her struggles to fit in as queer, neurodivergent child with unique special interests and how she found refuge in the swamps and forests near her home. (My ignorance is gonna show here, because I had no idea there were swamps in New York until I read this book). Growing up and immersing herself in the sciences, she learned about the queerness of many creatures (fungi included), and how scientific research has traditionally held very hetero- and cisnormative views that negatively affected outcomes and contrasts glaringly with overwhelming evidence of queerness in nature. I got to learn about sit spots--a form of meditation that seems much more accessible in my view than many others because I'm lousy at relaxing. Loved the sections about cicadas and their uncanny understanding of time, empathetic crows, and magnetized eels. Also all of the sociological and ecological revelations...it really is quite a lot from such a short read. It's also not overly scientific even though it is science-based, so that was easy enough for me to stomach with my humanities background.

[iambic-stan]

I need something like a "Heart Sounds Museum." Like rooms upon rooms of stations where guests can listen to various recordings of human and other animal hearts, at different auscultation points, at different stages of life, after exercise, etc. Maybe a trigger warning of sorts for a room with darker content wherein the hearts were subjected to drugs and/or experimentation, with the assurance that the recordings held within that collection already existed somewhere, so no one was harmed in the curation of the collection. (I would just skip that room, personally).

And the last exhibit would have live subjects, human and animal, that guests could listen to with all sorts of different stethoscopes provided by the museum. Maybe I could get past my hangups about how I can't do this with someone I don't know if it's clearly for the sake of curiosity and appreciation of the organ's sounds instead of an intimate connection. And if all of the other museum-goers would be participating as well, so it wouldn't be so strange.

The kid in me would require a gift shop, too. All kinds of stethoscopes in every color and design, stethoscope and heart jewelry, home decor, apparel, etc.

[iambic-stan]

So I added to my instagram bio that I'm a "cardiophile and bibliophile" to test out being more open with people I know in other facets of my existence besides tumblr, and a friend messaged me to say it seems inaccurate because "cardiophile" has "sexual connotations" and I'm ace. I said I don't think it necessarily has sexual connotations, and they argued that it's associated with fetishes so I need another word that fits me better. Well, neither of us knew what that word should be, so "cardiophile" it is. If people ask me to explain it, I will, happily.

Has anyone else brought this into other spheres of their life, whether it's other types of social media, or IRL, as a way of introducing yourself/describing your identity/interests? Did you use the word "cardiophile," or did you choose to explain it another way?

[iambic-stan]

on purple

from Forest Euphoria: The Abounding Queerness of Nature by Patricia Ononiwu Kaishian

[purple-dahlias]

florence welch was right. it picks me up puts me down chews me up spits me out a hundred times a day picks me up puts me down i'm always running from something i push it back but it keeps on coming and being clever never got me very far

[iambic-stan]

I had a tiny one-bedroom apartment by campus in grad school, with all sorts of embarrassing but somewhat endearing décor. Jimi Hendrix placemats. Every tiny cactus one could find at a nursery. One thing that embarrassed me in front of guests at the time was my small quilt rack on which I displayed my stethoscope collection, in rainbow color order (I was missing yellow, though). When a friend once commented, "You have a lot of stethoscopes," I laughed awkwardly and said, "Yes, I love them so much." They said, "That's quite a collection." My dumbass? Said nothing. My time with this friend was precious and I feared that if I explained myself further, they wouldn't be accepting. I'm not entirely sure why. Maybe I was onto something, or maybe I was a coward. I knew that I would want to ask to listen to their heart if I told them how I feel about hearts. I was scared.

That was almost 20 years ago, and I am in touch with this friend again. But do they remember this interaction? Would you, reader? It is unusual, right?

[iambic-stan]

Eko has rose gold now :o

[ramen-hibachi]

Clearer version of the heartbeat scene @kardiakrazy posted

[iambic-stan]

I said to my partner, "Hey, can we watch this for movie night? I've always been curious about it because it has a cardiophile scene."

Famous last words, because this was the second consecutive bad movie I've chosen for us. A romantic comedy that mostly fails at being romantic or funny. I think Robinne Lee should have played the character Chenoa Maxwell portrayed (and vice versa) but what reaaaallly bothered me was that there was no context whatsoever for this beautiful stethoscope scene! I was sure I would understand why this character is using a stethoscope on herself out of nowhere, but we get nothing. The love interest (who apparently owns said stethoscope) even walks in while she's still wearing it and doesn't acknowledge that at all! No one is in the medical field, btw. There's no indication of why the guy has a stethoscope on him at all times. There are also a few other scenes in the film that use heartbeat sounds prominently to underscore highly emotional conversations. Is the director a cardiophile? I can't think of a better explanation for the heart stuff, but if so, I wish this information was publicly available. I've been waiting for someone even vaguely famous to "come out" as a cardiophile my whole life, practically. Such a letdown. At least there's this scene.

[iambic-stan]

I’m old enough, and I’ve ruminated on this enough, not to feel so insecure about loving hearts and the sounds they make.  Not to feel so self-conscious about needing something unconventional.  The insecurities are no longer something I must overcome.  I wish that what followed naturally was knowing how/why someone else would be interested in this world at all.  I say “world,” though my corner of it is small.  There are only stethoscopes and the enjoyment of heart sounds—there’s no other intimacy and no other thingamabobs needed.  I’m not criticizing the idea of expanding it to include more intimacies and more devices if one wishes to, of course, only saying this corner is all I need.  It would be much easier if I was content to sit in it alone, though.

It’s nice to say this proudly, but confidence doesn’t necessarily hand you the tools to navigate every interaction.  I’m still not 100% sure how to bring this up to people I call friends.  I could send someone a link to this blog, but that’s A LOT.  The self-assuredness to at least try to talk about this doesn’t guarantee my feelings won’t get hurt.  I will still feel that a relationship is diminished in some way if it can’t include this shared closeness.  Is it my fault that I can’t take that in stride, understand that my “special interest” of sorts is a love language that not everyone will want to use?  Absolutely, yes.  That’s on me.  Everyone is different—some people give lots of hugs, others would rather never hug or be hugged by anyone other than their significant other.  In a way, auscultation is no different aside from being weirder.  There is a whole universe of ways to express affection.  Intellectually, I get that.  Emotionally…I might never be the best at coping with it.  But I’m working on it.

[iambic-stan]

sure, everyone has a stethoscope for every color of the rainbow

I feel like people on tiktok are gaslighting me lol. There's a semi-viral tiktok wherein this guy describes finding out about cardiophilia for the first time from another video, and defines it as "the act of getting turned on by a heartbeat." In the comments, I outed myself as an ace cardiophile, and there are multiple people in the comments telling me "that's just normal--everyone feels that way." or "Uh bro, it's just normal to like heartbeats like that lmao what."

Please take me to the reality where this is just commonplace stuff, please. I mean it. I'll still be plenty weird in other ways, trust me. If this is so normal in our reality, why has it presented a problem to some degree or another in every single romantic relationship I've ever been in? And not to mention made things awkward with friends??

[iambic-stan]

Sharing this pic again just because I love it 🐈‍⬛💙

[iambic-stan]

"Trying to keep the balance" by Natalie Clay (found here)

In love with this piece!

[iambic-stan]

last book + last stethoscope, part 52

European young adult novels are quite different from American ones, if Ludwig Volbeda's translated Self Portrait is any indication. I don't think about it too deeply, but I'm used to being preached to a bit. I'm used to having threads neatly tied at the end, with something resembling an explanation of what it all means. I don't know if I realize how much American YA does this, almost to the point of being insulting at times, until I read something from another country meant for younger readers (in this case, the Netherlands). I gave my EKO Core 500 a little blue coat to try to match the subtle blue in the cover...and then got carried away because I, much like the protagonist, Jip, do love beetles. In the story, Jip is going through an adolescence more confusing than some, and spending time outside examining bugs provides a relaxing escape. But only for so long. The book is written in second person, directed not at the reader, but someone we don't come to know at all until the end of the book. Though all manner of other things come into focus, Jip's goal at the beginning of the novel is to draw a self-portrait for art class--something that feels impossible, even for a talented artist. No one around Jip seems to understand why this is so difficult, and Jip fails to explain why the assignment is so challenging. This is a tender, sometimes heartbreaking story of Jip's journey of gender discovery, though thematically, it's still pretty universal to the adolescent experience.

[iambic-stan]

not sure if you ever posted this, but what does your entire stethoscope collection look like?

I've gotten a few asks with this question, and while I do appreciate the interest, I don't think I'll ever post a pic of my collection. It's much more fun to do "last book + last stethoscope" with one at a time. It's not like there's a great deal of mystery surrounding me--I might as well have something, I suppose, ha.

[socal-cardio]

This is so cool.

The Olympics wanted a new “sonic signature” so they recorded a bunch of heartbeats of athletes, coaches, fans, etc. with what seems to be Stemoscopes. The making of video is so sick, I could watch an hour of this and I hope they post more behind the scenes.

Heartbeats are cool and awesome!! I wish I could’ve been a part of the team who created this. Maybe this will lead to more heartbeats in media ❤️🩺

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IOC launches first sonic signature for the Olympic rings, created from the heartbeats of athletes and fans

The International Olympic Committee (IOC) has unveiled the first interpretation of the Olympic rings in sound. This new sonic signature has