Skulduggery Pleasant Quotes

Quotes from the fantastic Skulduggery Pleasant series by Derek Landy! Non-quotes (ie personal thoughts) are tagged #brite. Primary blog: @briteblue

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“Fawkes overbalanced and fell and, like a ninja, except slower and with less co-ordination, Gordon crawled on top of him.”

- Gordon Edgely in Skulduggery Pleasant: The Horror Writers’ Halloween Ball by Derek Landy

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“Then Valkyrie clicked her fingers and Ryan yelped when fire suddenly flared in her palm. He tore off his jacket and flung it over her forearm, batting out the flames. 

‘What the hell are you doing?’ she raged, trying to push him back. 

‘You’re on fire!’ he squealed manfully.”

- Valkyrie and Ryan in Skulduggery Pleasant: The End of the World by Derek Landy

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“‘So you can’t use the car park. It’s staff only. Also, there are no pets allowed.’ 

‘Well,’ said Skulduggery, ‘that’s quite rude. I mean, I wouldn’t call Valkyrie a pet so much as a-‘ 

Valkyrie sighed. ‘He meant the dog.’ 

‘Oh,’ Skulduggery said.”

- Skulduggery and Valkyrie in Skulduggery Pleasant: Resurrection by Derek Landy

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“Desmond Edgely threw back his head and sang, ‘Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one, too!’ and laughed like a drain as Valkyrie blew out her candles. It had been the same lyrics every year since she was old enough to know what a monkey was. She had grown up and matured. Her father had not.”

- Desmond Edgely in Skulduggery Pleasant: Last Stand of Dead Men by Derek Landy

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“Valkyrie hesitated. The doorway shimmered. She licked her lips, then turned sideways and inched forward into the house. 

Skulduggery stood watching her. ‘What are you doing?’ 

‘Being careful,’ she said under her breath. 

‘You walk through doorways every day and manage not to bounce off one side or the other.’ 

‘Stop distracting me.’ 

‘You could walk in with your hands on your hips and you still wouldn’t touch the sides.’ 

She took the last step as a hop, then gasped in relief. 

‘You puzzle me,’ Skulduggery said.”

- Skulduggery and Valkyrie in Skulduggery Pleasant: Kingdom of the Wicked by Derek Landy

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“Master Craven had been so kind as to provide him with a map. If this map were by anyone else’s hand, Scapegrace would have dismissed it as crudely drawn - but the Master’s work was a deceptively childlike scrawl that implied more than it showed. As such, even though Scapegrace was having trouble working out where exactly they were going, he had a much deeper cultural understanding of where he had been.”

- Vaurien Scapegrace in Skulduggery Pleasant: Deathbringer by Derek Landy

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“‘Hi Valkyrie,’ Carol whispered. 

Crystal jabbed Carol with an elbow. ‘Don’t call her that!’ 

Carol glared. ‘I whispered it. No one else could hear.’ 

‘You still shouldn’t call her that! Call her Stephanie!’ 

A few more precious moments of life were sucked away from Valkyrie’s grasp, never to be seen again.”

- Crystal and Carol in Skulduggery Pleasant: Deathbringer by Derek Landy

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“‘And if we find Melior, but Lethe and the others are still with him?’ 

‘We’ll run away.’ 

She thought for a moment. ‘That’s honestly the best plan you’ve ever come up with.’ 

‘I thought you’d like it.’”

- Valkyrie and Skulduggery in Skulduggery Pleasant: Resurrection by Derek Landy 

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I cross the place where my heart used to be and hope to be even deader than I am now.

Skulduggery Pleasant in Skulduggery Pleasant: Deathbringer by Derek Landy

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“‘Do you remember the walks we used to take?’ 

‘Not especially.’ 

‘I can’t either,’ he admitted. ‘I wasn’t really a walker when I was alive, was I? I was more of a sitter.’ He smiled wistfully. ‘I did love to sit.’”

- Gordon Edgely and Valkyrie Cain in Skulduggery Pleasant: Dark Days by Derek Landy

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“‘So that plan worked out well,’ he said. 

‘Skulduggery, your entire plan consisted of, and I quote, ‘Let’s get up close and then see what happens.’’

‘All the same,’ he said, ‘I think the whole thing worked out rather beautifully.’”

- Skulduggery and Valkyrie in Skulduggery Pleasant: Playing With Fire by Derek Landy

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“Was it really the fault of the Engineer that it had decided to go for a walk, or that when the ping sounded, when the Engineer was finally needed to leap into action, instead of being right here, ready to help, it was on a beach in Italy looking for unusual shells?”

- The Engineer in Skulduggery Pleasant: Last Stand of Dead Men by Derek Landy

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“‘So much for the moral high ground.’ 

Stephanie laughed. ‘Yeah, you can’t stay up there any longer.’ 

‘I loved that place,’ Valkyrie muttered. 

‘The moral high ground is overrated,’ Skulduggery said, ‘and the view’s much better from down here. Come along, troublemakers.’”

- Skulduggery Pleasant: The Dying of the Light by Derek Landy

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“‘Help,’ he said. He reached out and heard a crash. Another tray of drinks bites the dust. He stepped back, bumped into someone, heard the unmistakeable intake of breath that accompanies a well-dressed lady spilling wine down the front of her dress. ‘Terribly sorry,’ Gordon said, spinning quickly, hitting someone else and getting a muffled curse in response.”

- Gordon Edgely in Skulduggery Pleasant: The Horror Writers’ Halloween Ball by Derek Landy

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“Valkyrie raised an eyebrow at him. ‘You’re not very good at acting casual.’ 

‘I forget how,’ Ryan confessed, skipping away from a suspicious-looking two-year-old holding a balloon.”

- Skulduggery Pleasant: The End of the World by Derek Landy

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“Omen looked at Valkryie. ‘Could I be your protégé?’ 

She looked horrified. ‘What? No. I don’t have protégés. I’m too young to have protégés. I’m only twenty-four, for God’s sake. I barely know what a protégé is. I’m still the kid here. I’m still the…Skulduggery, tell him. I’m the young one in this whole dynamic.’ 

Skulduggery nodded. ‘You definitely are the young one. Though technically he is younger.’”

- Skulduggery Pleasant: Resurrection by Derek Landy

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“‘I was attacked by a shark once, back when I was alive. Well, not so much a shark as a rather large fish. And not so much attacked as looked at menacingly. But it had murder in its eyes, that fish. I knew, in that instant, if our roles had been reversed and the fish had been holding the fishing pole and I had been the one to be caught, it wouldn’t hesitate a moment before eating me. So I cooked it and ate it before it had a chance to turn the tables.’ 

‘That,’ Valkyrie said, ‘is one of the most useless stories you’ve ever told me.’”

- Skulduggery Pleasant in Skulduggery Pleasant: The Wonderful Adventures of Geoffrey Scrutinous by Derek Landy