how to get a girl
1. ask her in marriage.
2. get rejected.
3. disappear from her life for ten years, during which you 1) legally change your name and 2) become a full-on millionnaire (by questionable means).
4. buy a mansion on the other side of the bay where she lives. bonus : stares dramatically at the green light coming from the end of her dock and thinks about the way we all beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
5. befriend your neighbor Nick (who happens to be the girl’s cousin) (and a raging bisexual).
6. ask your new friend Nick to organize a meeting between you and the girl.
7. get her attention over dinner by being insufferable and acting like a jerk.
8. when you feel confident enough, ask her to choose between you and her new husband. remember to do this IN FRONT of said husband, so he gets who’s the boss. hopefully she’ll say yes.
9. when y’all decide to run away together, let her take the wheel. she’s a good driver.
8. take the blame when she accidentally commits vehicular manslaughter.
9. get savagely murdered by the victim’s husband (to be fair, he legitimately thinks that you ran over his wife with your car).
10. that’s it.
11. you’re dead now.
12. you didn’t get the girl.
13. no one comes to your funeral, except your new friend Nick, who grew weirdly attached to you during the whole process and now thinks, for some reason, that you’re the greatest guy he ever met.
