Art, Schizophrenia, Personal Ramblings, and More

[poppiesandpromises]

I fall out of touch

It's not that I don't love you—

The world's just too much

[tylerspangler]

Artwork Copyright © Tyler Spangler

Shop: shoptylerspangler.com

[ictoad]

It seems that this community is mostly younger people. I'm 48. I want y'all to know how beautiful it is, the knowledge and insight you have, the skills you have been taught and apply. I know how horrible having mental illness is. I'm glad you are aware and learning ways to cope now instead of your late 40s . You have taught me so much more than over 20 years of therapy and meds. You are the future, and you are amazing. Thank you.

[ictoad]

I'm recently diagnosed as having DID. I've been aware that i have different personalities for quite a while, and that I spend most of my time alone living in the world I've created in my mind. Plus, dissociating has always been my go to coping mechanism. I'm wondering if it's common after a good day to be scared to go to sleep because you are scared that you'll be a different person in the morning?

[dankmemeuniversity]

[ictoad]

Every time.

[made-in-saudiii]

i’m so private to the point if you know any of my business, i know who told you

[the-jukebox-system]

welcome to being a system trauma-holder!

it's great, we got:

constant triggers from out of nowhere, be it that one random note in a song that you can't figure out the reasoning of, OR a photo you looked at for a split second!

eye contact bad. no

don't touch me, but also the definition of touch-starved

can recall a negative memory from childhood in 0.2 seconds but stares off into the void in confusion when told about literally any other memory

every song now gives you a flashback! yaaaay

don't even get me started on a sudden octave change in someone's voice that somehow also manages to be a trigger

you KNOW that there's a memory somewhere that's being set off by this ONE thing but you can't FIND IT

*weird thing happens, furthering the trigger and therefore uncovering the rest of the memory* o h .

your brain (or alters) randomly decided to mention a very specific event from your childhood as a casual thing 'cause why not, and now you're seemingly stuck in what feels like 2011 and you can't. get back out

"where are we again??? 2004??" when you weren't even BORN in 2004

*looks at a certain photograph for exactly one second* oh no

breaking down over missing your mom when there's likely no reason to even miss her at all, only to realize you actually miss just having a parent figure in general

"hey do you remember playing [blank] as a kid?" proceeds to stare off into the void, confused out of their mind. wh a t are they talking about

"when did that happen?" proceeds to lists off the exact time/date it happened, how old you were, and any general context in seconds

I want to hold this plush but I also don't because the texture of the fur alone will likely set off a memory

certain names = bad

don't look at me

hey could you maybe not raise your voic- okay then

aAAAAAAAAAAA

it's 3 AM and I've been reliving the same memories on loop for the past week thanks to our own playlists on spotify. what am I doing

where are we™

getting very used to always feeling in danger around the people you currently live with, so you're now hesitant to move out since you think it'll always end up the same

endless fight-or-flight. thank you ptsd

constantly comparing things you encounter both irl and online to a certain event in your life and seeming like you just can't let something go

when in reality you just haven't forgotten it

every night is crying hours™

so here are the pros:

you remember everything

and here are some of the cons!:

you remember everything

[konoko]

[chewedcorn]

Proof I bought a donut.

[akindplace]

You are not a quitter when you have a disability and admit to yourself and to others that you can't do something. It doesn't mean you are limiting who you are or hindering your growth or success capacity. It just means you accept how your illness impacts your life and you are setting boundaries so you don't end up completely exhausted and even more sick. You are looking out for your own health when you stick up by not pushing yourself to a point of burn-out. It doesn't mean you are a failure. It means you know some things are impossible to be done, it means you won't take unnecessary high risks with your health.

Look out for yourself. It is okay to admit how disability affects your life, to say "no" to pushing yourself too hard, to ignore people who accuse of "not trying hard enough" because they can't possibly understand how much you have to try to just exist when you are sick.

It is okay to ask for breaks, to have accommodations, to ask for benefits and accessible healthcare. You are not being too demanding by wanting your most basic needs met and your boundaries respected.

[unimportant-unknown]

chain smoking and drinking too much water 🙄🤭🤪😌

[toastbutteregg]

[ictoad]

Currently...

[anxietyproblem]

[mentalquotes]

[anxietyproblem]

[runby2]

I told my gf that I was having an episode earlier and she replied "is it the beach episode" and it shocked me so much that it grounded me immediately

[earthmoonlotus]

“I don’t think that every villain in the world actually thinks they’re being a good guy, but I do think that everybody creates a value system that justifies the actions they’re taking, and and I think there’s a difference between those two things. Not everybody believes that they’re on the side of righteousness, but everybody has a way of justifying the actions they’re taking. Not every villain has to be a misunderstood hero, and in fact I think there are a lot of instances throughout history of people who were obviously doing the wrong thing and probably had an understanding of that on some level, but had some rationale or justification for it. A lot of villains in literature and media have these weird, Thanos-esque philosophies of what it is that they’re trying to do, and I think human motivation tends to come from more primal places than that. So a lot of the villains I write can be brilliant or clever (and, in fact, probably should be), but their motivation tends to be primal. They wanna be rich, they wanna have power, they wanna live forever. There’s something deep down that is, when you break it down, not too complex. Right? If you look at the real world, the people that are doing bad stuff don’t need complex motivations. They wanna rule the world! They wanna be rich! They wanna be unafraid that other people can ever screw them over, so they screw other people over. Evil is boring. Right? I kinda believe in the banality and mundanes of evil. Evil is just selfish impulses, which at the end of the day are really easy to understand. It’s easy to understand why people do bad things. It’s like “yeah, ok, you’re selfish and scared and cruel, I get it”. Being good is complex and beautiful and hard.”

—

Brennan Lee Mulligan, when asked how to create villains for ttrpgs

(I found this quote to be really meaningful in like…life in general which is why I posted it here. When he said “evil is boring”, it felt like something clicked in me that I had known deep down but hadn’t had the words for.)