A Weekend of Two Weddings
A rare text post here! I wanted to share with you a brief reflection on two very different weddings that took place this weekend, which I got to witness.
On Friday, of course, Princess Eugenie married Jack Brooksbank in true royal fashion. Her two gowns, the first by Peter Pilotto and Christopher De Vos, and the second by Zac Posen (surprise! an American), were both showstoppers. The opulent festivities were broadcast across the world and witnessed by millions. They were a stunning display of pageantry, romance, and -of course- love. It was fun to watch, and by all accounts it was the start of many joyful years together for the young couple. It was, in short, all of the traditional things you hope for in a good wedding.
The second wedding I want to talk about, though, differs in many ways from that perfect royal-wedding archetype. Only a handful were there to watch, maybe 40 in all. Instead of many months of planning, the entire ceremony and reception were pulled together in less than a day. We had pizza for dinner, bouquets were made from grocery store flowers, and we all sat in the groom’s parents’ dining room as we waited for the make-shift curtain to be drawn.
Nearly everyone was crying. Men and women alike, and for many reasons. We were so happy to see the couple have their day together, and happy to be able to celebrate with them. But the circumstances were wrung through with profound grief as well. The bride, a beautiful woman in her mid twenties, and her groom had received the worst possible news the day before. A glioblastoma tumor, considered operable just days before, had migrated into her spinal fluid, limiting her life expectancy to only a few weeks.
If there’s anything truly evil in this world, it has to be cancer. This bride is young, she’s strong, she’s vivacious and brave, and she’s got so much fight left. But the thing she’s against has become un-fightable, and there isn’t a scrap of fairness or sense to be found in it. She and her husband have walked through so much hardship together in their two years together, facing and defeating the first tumor with tenacity and profound love for one another. I don’t think any of us at their wedding had ever really believed it could end up like this, and the grief was so thick among those gathered, it was palpable.
Yet, in spite of the horror of the circumstances that pulled us together for the ceremony, I can also honestly say it was a ceremony with beauty beyond measure. The royal wedding on Friday, while lovely, could not hold a candle to what we privileged few witnessed Sunday night. Family and friends came together to transform the living room into a fairy-light and flower filled vestibule. Through the arch that connected it to the dining room, we watched as the bride was wheeled into view, stunning in a white silk strapless gown and glittering hair piece. Her groom wore the same clothes he’d worn to their first date, complete with Calvin and Hobbes t-shirt. We wept and cheered in equal force, as the bride wept to see her loved ones all assembled to celebrate. The ceremony was officiated by two of the couple’s dear friends, and contained so much laughter and so much genuine adoration, I couldn’t help thinking this; so many weddings take years and a small fortune to pull together, and yet they end up falling short. They get weighed down by preconceived beliefs about what has to happen, or what has to be spent, or where it must take place. Stress and disappoint so quickly seem to overwhelm so many couples, superseding the wonderful love that brought them there.
These two, with so little time and so few resources, held a ceremony that was overflowing with warmth and genuine love. It was flawless. I have never before seen a wedding that seemed so perfect, with two people so perfectly in love with one another. It was an honor and a delight to be with them that night.
There’s some truth to what The Beatles say, that ‘all you need is love’. In dire times, when the abyss has come up to surround you and swallow you whole, love still shines so bright and so fierce. It can cut through that darkness and despair, and illuminate all those good and cherished things that make life worth living, however much time we get together.
Go hug the people you love, do it all the time. And if you’re planning a wedding, remember that your love and commitment to one another is always the most vital part of the celebration. Let that love define you, and define your time together. Congratulations to the bride and groom, Mr. and Mrs. W, I am so grateful to know you, and to have been witness to your brilliant light together on your wedding day.
Please consider donating to the American Brain Tumor Association, and helping to end the evil of cancer. https://www.abta.org/
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