I think this will do fine @ideologicalfactory - Tumblr Blog

This Aquarium Picks The Naughtiest Penguin Of The Month

We thought that cats were absolutely shameless creatures but it turns out that penguins are no better either.

Photos by National Aquarium of New Zealand - Via Bored Panda

My biggest takeaways from this are that Mo is starting some kind of fish theft ring and Timmy finally snapped after being pushed off the pier one too many times.

argonauticae

im putting together a couple of scottish folk mixes bc that’s what i do and im honestly curious if anyone in my country has ever been unequivocally happy about anything ever

argonauticae

scottish trad music genres:

Everyone I Love Is Dead

The English Have Stolen All My Sheep

You Want To Be My Boyfriend? First You Must Answer These Riddles Three

The Protestants Have Stolen All My Sheep

I Love You A Lot But You’ve Left Me And It’s Raining [fiddle solo]

The Sea Is Treacherous, Just Like The English

One Time Bonnie Prince Charlie Punched Me In The Face And It Was Awesome

The Fairies Have Stolen All My Sheep

plaidadder

We have of course the traditional Irish music genres to go with them:

* Everyone I Love Is An Allegorical Representation of Ireland

* The English Stole My Farm And Put Sheep On It

* You Were My Boyfriend But Now You Won’t Even Come To The Window To Look Upon Me And Our Dead Infant Child (In The Rain)

* Whack Fol Too La Roo Umptytiddly Good They’ve Stopped Listening Now Let’s Talk About Revolution

* Something In Irish, I Think It’s About Fairies, Or Maybe A Cow

jean-paul-fartre

oooo can I add to this? don’t forget Appalachian folk balladry, the American cousin of Scottish and Irish traditional music and just as uplifting as its Anglo-Saxon highland forbears!!!

genres include:

I Left Everyone I Love Back Home In The Holler To Be With This Guy Who Doesn’t Wear Shoes Or Have Teeth But He Plays A Mean Jug

The English Told Us Not To Move West Yet, We Ignored Them, My Entire Family Was Killed

You Were My Boyfriend But You Tied A Sack Of Rocks To My Petticoats And Threw Me In The Creek (And My Baby Too)

Mama Loves All 14 Of Us A Lot But She’s Weary Of Our Shit And Now She’s Dyin’ (Gather Round)

The McCleans Stole A Firewood Log From Our Pile So We Won’t Rest Until The Last Of Their Male Kin Is Laid In The Cold Ground

We Knew The River Would Rise But We Still Didn’t Fix The Levee

The River Rose, The Levee Broke, Everyone Died, It Was Just As We Reckoned (dulcimer twang-a-lang)

When The Rebels Come A-Marchin’ I’m A Southern Man And I Feed Their Horses My Best, When The Yankees Come A-Marchin’ I’m A Northern Man And I Feed Their Horses What The Rebels Left

The Tennessee Valley Authority Killed All My Sheep Somehow

shredsandpatches

Don’t forget that old standby “The Mine Collapsed and Everyone Died”!

I think someone needs to put in a word for the English folk tradition though:

I Met a Girl and We Went Hunting (It Was a Metaphor for Sex)

I Met a Girl and We Caught Some Birds (It Was a Metaphor for Sex)

I Met a Girl and We Found Her Lost Pet (It Was a Metaphor for Sex)

I Met a Girl By Staying At Her Parents’ House and She Made My Bed (It Was an Especially Thinly-Veiled Metaphor for Sex)

I Am a Girl and I Regret Engaging In Metaphors for Sex Because Now I’m Pregnant

I Met a Girl and Bribed Her Into Sex But She Stole My Horse and Ran Away With It

I Met a Girl At an Inn and We Had Non-Metaphorical Sex But She Stole My Stuff The Next Morning and Now I Have Syphilis

Your Fiance Died Either at Trafalgar or Waterloo, Let’s Get Married, I’m Glad You Said No Because I’m Really Him In Disguise

Lord Nelson Sure Was Awesome

The Press-Gang Dragged Off All the Important Men in My Life (And Now They Are Dead)

Farm Laborers Are The Salt of the Earth And Are Never Grindingly Poor

Begging Is a Completely Viable Career Option With Flexible Hours and Unlimited Access to Alcohol

infinite-magical-recipes

behold mongolian folk music genres

I Went Out Riding and Noticed Mongolia

We Fought a Bunch of Guys (On Horseback)

Witness My Many Ungulates

(While On a Horse) I Met a Hot Girl Who Reminded Me of a Plant

On Three, Say What That Terrain Feature Looks Like to You (One, Two, Three, A Horse)

Witness My Many Ancestors’ Many Ungulates

I Also Enjoy Heavy Metal, Especially If It’s Made of Horseshoes

Oooorrrrweeeeuuurrrreeeeuuuuwwwwwrrrrrrrr (Is Tuvan for “Horse”)

You Might Not Know This About Me, But I Own a Horse

scarlettohairdye

THE MONGOLIAN FOLK SONGS MADE IT BETTER.

churakaagii

now with more okinawan!

We Must Plant the Crops, Let’s Get Drunk!

We Must Harvest the Crops, Let’s Get Drunk!

There’s No Crops Right Now, Let’s Get Drunk!

Sex On the Beach Is Awesome, War Is Bad

There Are Ghosts in the Trees

The Japanese Exploit Us (And the Americans Do Too)

I Love the Sea, This Island Is Beautiful, War Is Still Bad

Hey, There’s an Old Man, Let’s Get Drunk!

Respect Your Parents Or You Will Be Lost at Sea Forever

damaskrosechicago

As the daughter of a folksinger and spouse of a folklorist, I love this SO MUCH. Here’s some from the sub-sub-genre of French folk songs of the Midwest…

I Am A Brawny-Armed Lumberjack Who Loves a Town Girl, Oh No!

Oh Fuck, I Slept With a Fur Trapper, What Shall I Tell Maman?

Hauling Logs, Rolling Logs, Driving Logs, All Day, What Ho!

Like Hell You’re Marrying That Good for Nothing Bambocheur!

Fetch My Gold Ring That Fell Into the Sea! Now!

I Met A Sailor While A-Strolling, And Now We Are In Love!

I Want to Kiss the Sailor I Met A-Strolling, But I’m Afraid My Father Will Find Out!

Oh Fuck, I Kissed the Sailor I Met A-Strolling And Now We Are Doomed!

johnnygreyart

Some Italian Folk Music Genres

A Spider Has Bitten Me And If I Do Not Dance I Will Die, Alas

I Am A Very Fancy Man With A Very Fancy Hat

The Cable Car Is A Thinly-Veiled Metaphor For Your Feminine Torture, O Woman

Rome Is The Very Best Place And Every Other Place Is Just Awful

I Love You, But You Are Married

I Love You, But You Are Fickle (Why Did You Dance With The Baker’s Son, Thou Vixen?)

I Love You, But You Left Me All Alone On This Romantic Wind-Swept Hillside, Which Is Actually Very Pretty, But Not As Pretty As You, Foul Temptress

Rome Is Still The Best Place And Every Other Place Can Go Right To Hell

Seriously Once You Have Been To Rome You Will Just Be Sick At The Thought Of Being Anywhere Else, You Will Pine Away And Die

I Love You, But You Are Dead (Or Maybe You Just Went To Live In A Slightly Prettier Place)

Rome, Rome, O Rome, Ah Rome, Rome Rome Rome, Have I Mentioned That I Love Rome?

Venetian Special Genres:

Women Are Like The Ocean: Salty And Full Of Drowned Sailors

Women Are Like The Ocean: I Cannot Figure Them Out At All

I Saw You One Time At A Party And I Have Designs Upon Your Feminine Virtue

I Love You, But You Are Married To The Ocean (For Some Reason)

snackonomics

I thought I would add some Dutch ones, because I saw no one had added any: - That Girl Is A Prostitute (But At Least She Goes To Church)

- That Incompetent Sailor Is Actually A Girl, But She Will Have Sex With You If You Don’t Kick Her Off The Boat

- Someone Of Any Occupation Is Doing Something, But Unfortunately They Are Now Dead

- Fuck You Spain (Haha, We Sunk Your Boat And Stole Your Silver)

- Fuck You England

- We Might Be Small, But We Will Fight You

- Life Isn’t So Bad, If You Just Go Outside

- Fuck You Winter

- Look At That Guy (Wild Racism)

- We Like Going To Other Countries (More Wild Racism)

- Drinking Is Fun

- Drinking Makes Me Long For Sea

- God Is My Dad

- My Province Is Great And Full Of Nature

bigger-rat

Some nice Russian folk songs:

There Was A War And Everyone is Dead, There’s Also a Symbolic Bird

There is Going to Be a War And Everyone Will Die, There’s Also a Sybmolic Bird

The Dyeing Is Happening Right Now, There’s Also a Symbolic Bird

I Had a Dream About Us Dying (No Birds Involved)

Alas You Are Dead

I’m a Bird, I Drink Vodka

Fuck It’s Cold

Frost Do Not Freeze Me Do Not Freeze My Horse Do Not Freeze My Wife Please I Have Children

And my personal favourite:

Ayy Lmao This Guys Head Just Got Shot Off, We Are Going to Die Hahaha

varvorn

I just couldn’t miss an opportunity to provide you a comprehensive summary of Ukrainian folk music genres.

~ I Married To A Man And Moved Far From My Home But I Want Fucking Back On My Fucking Land To My Parents And A Guy Whom I Actually Planned To Marry Before My Society’s Patriarchal Structure Destroyed My Life

~ A Guy Whom I Loved Loved Me And Also A Some Other Bitch So I Poisoned Him So That Nobody Gets Him

~ This Is My Land And I Love It Very Much, Period

~ I Made A Traditional Kupala Wreath And Released It On Water To Find My Love, No Sexual Hits Involved

~ I Have A Veeery Deeeeep Well In My Garden, And Also A Veeery Curly-Wurly Cabbage, And Also A Veeery Sweeeet Carrot Growing There, Come On Guys Check It Out, Oh, And There Are Totally No Sexual Hints

~ Graphic Descriptions Of Lesbian Sex

~ Everybody Is Dead After A Battle But There Is One Particular Cossack Whom I Am Especially Obligated To Mourn About Because He Is A Representative Of Our Entire Nation’s Young People

~ The Couple Cannot Be Together Because Of Various Reasons And Everybody Cries

~ The Couple Cannot Be Together Because Of Various Reasons And Everybody Cries And It’s Compared To Some Sad Shit Happening In Nature

~ Let’s Kill All People Who Threaten Ukraine Hahaha Yay!

~Let’s Kill All People Who Threaten Ukraine And Involve Some Couple Who Cannot Be Together Because Of Various Reasons And Everybody Cries

travelingworkshop

Adding these well-known Cajun hits

~ I have a boat and have procured many crawfish do you love me?

~ I sure do love crawfish, boats, the bayou, and also dancing

~ My girlfriend can cook, and is therefore superior your girlfriend, who cannot

~ my girlfriend cannot cook and is therefore inferior to all other girlfriends

~ I saw you over a pile of crawfish and knew I was in love (on the bayou)

~ a list of regional dishes set to the tune of kitchen utensils

furikomaru-deactivated20190920

Canada checking in:

~ There was a ship and everyone on it was brave as it sank in a storm on the ocean or possibly one of our many inland-sea-sized lakes, please remember the name of the ship

~ We fell in love when we were young and we didn’t actually understand each other and you figured that out before I did because I’m slow-witted and you’re kind of a jerk so you left me (now listen to this sick organ/fiddle/guitar/harmonica/piano solo)

~ Fuck the railroad, fuck the government, and especially fuck the HBC

~ Gosh everything in this country is inhumanly big and inconvenient and trying to kill us, we’re so lucky to live here, it’s so majestic

~ The English stole our sheep and exiled my true love to Louisiana

~ That’s Cute - an indigenous/ Métis coproduction after hearing that last one

~ Well we’re all in debt and working in a mine fucking sucks but at least we can get drunk and go dancing on the weekends

~ This guy went to prison for a crime he didn’t commit/did commit but with the most sympathetic motive for doing it ever and now he’s out of jail and everything is bittersweet, either because he broke out and has to go back or because he’s lost years of his life to a broken legal system.

~ HELLO OUT THERE, WE’RE ON THE AIR, IT’S HOCKEY NIGHT TONIGHT!

wetwareproblem

Nova Scotia special edition: ~ The sea sucks and left me a broken wreck of my former self. ~ The sea sucks and killed my one true love. ~ Working in a mine sucks and will kill you ~ The weather sucks and will kill you. ~ Poverty sucks and will kill you. ~ I desperately wish I could return home to Nova Scotia, that beautiful gem in the sea.

libraryspectre

Oh I love this post so much

lloerwyn-deactivated20201104

Welsh Folk Songs

The Wren Is The Best Bird (And Delicious!)

I’m Gay For Owain Glyndŵr

My Goats/Sheep/Cows Are Better Than Yours

Lullaby About Killing Things

Fuck You, England

I’m Dying, But First…A Harp Solo

I Was Busy Thinking About A Girl And The Cows Ran Away

Got Dumped, Time To Die In The Woods

Wales Is Really Pretty, Our Trees Are The Best

Owen Cheated On Me, So I Had Sex With David

I Also Had Sex With The Hot Crwth Player And It Was Amazing

Life Is Suffering *BAGPIPES*

dduane

Maybe it would be dangerous to add that I’m working on the Middle Kingdoms version of these… :)

beachgothgay

The ides of March is coming up what’s everyone getting me?

emperor-ing-deactivated20191108

im-a-fully-realized-creation

starsiignals

i never understood how we’ve reinvented heiroglyphics until now

susanoomon

irishfolklore-deactivated201912

I love being in college because there are no actual adults around so everyone is just going around bullshitting their way through basic tasks. Like I can be like “I think I got better from my cold because I ate an orange yesterday” and everyone is like “Yeah makes sense” and somebody could just be like “I’m gonna put my pillow in the washing machine to clean it” and everyone’s like “Sounds like a great idea John”

thahalfrican

I like my women how I like my comforters

Full/Queen.

thahalfrican

brassparker

i failed a student for their midterm grade, and they just sent me an email that just says “bruh.”

brassparker

deadass

can we appreciate the respectfully tho?

freerenata-deactivated20180915

beesforpresident

Dream girl:

Yellow with black stripes Six legs Antenna Compound eyes Collects pollen and nectar from flowers

theoldness

carnelianfoxx

writhe

“you all are great people, and what you’re doing is art, but it’s also a crime punishable by 28 days in prison” is a real sentence that got said to me tonight by a security officer i think i’m living my best life

writhe