lemme tell ya fellas, having a mental illness that is heavily stigmatized and dangerously misrepresented in media sure is hard sometimes.
random strangers on the internet will be like, “i’m so ocd! i just can’t stand it when things get messy!”
so cool! but i think the word you’re looking for is actually “organized.”
because then i’ll get on the internet and be like, “i’ve had ocd episodes so bad i considered seeking inpatient treatment.”
and then a random stranger online will say, “if you say you have ocd, then why is your space so cluttered and disorganized?”
and to the random stranger i say, “the clutter exists because my object permanence skills are ass. and besides, there are lots of different types of ocd, the kind you see on tv isn’t the only kind.”
and then i will be asked, “how do you have ocd, then?”
to which i reply, “it’s an anxiety disorder that makes me have lots of awful and disturbing and upsetting intrusive thoughts, mainly centering around death and dying (amongst other things). like i had an episode in the past two years or so that stopped me from being able to drive anywhere.
i couldn’t drive bc i was convinced i was going to be involved in a car accident and be completely fine whereas the other driver would be terribly injured and i wouldn’t be able to help them and instead i’d just have to stand there on the side of the road watching them bleed out in a ditch.
because for me. that’s the obsessive part of the disorder. my brain conjures an upsetting intrusive thought that i very much don’t want to think about, which means all i can do is think about it. and i know i can’t make something happen by thinking about it too much, but also i can girl boss #manifest a fatal accident.
there was episode where i didn’t leave my house for weeks because i was convinced my presence in the general public would cause a mass casualty event and i’d be helpless while being forced to watch people die and it’d be all my fault because i thought it into existence.
so yeah my desk may be messy, but to be fair, i am constantly plagued by thoughts of death and try to cope with it by coming up with every single contingency plan and then some. that way i can be prepared to help the victim of the accident i’ve caused by existing.
another quirky fun non-cleaning my bathroom symptom of my disorder is picking at the skin on my head to the point it’s covered in sores and bald spots. bc body focused repetitive behavior self grooming habits are the self soothing technique my brain picked. so i don’t even notice i’m doing until someone smacks my hand away from my head or i need to use my right hand for something and see my fingers have blood on them.
the bfrb is a manifestation of anxiety, not self harm. but i am so self conscious and embarrassed by it that i stopped getting my hair done for like a year because i didn’t want anyone to see the 15 plus sores i have on my head at any given time.
so yeah. a dirty countertop “bothering your ocd” must be incredibly difficult for you to manage. i’ll be sure to ask you for advice the next time i go across an intersection with my eyes glued to my speedometer because if i don’t look at the road i can’t make a car appear out of nowhere to t-bone me, subsequently forcing me to watch someone die.”
germansingergirl
gamechangershow
vaporwave
theartofmadeline
amandla
turnnoffyourmind
