personal blog.

just my thoughts.

[idontknowyetillchangeitlater]

october 21st 2024

hello, i feel like i dont really write on here unless i have some feels. lmao. im starting to think that i am a second choice to my friends and i wish it wasn't bothering me as much as it is. like its annoying. and now i'm starting to think of my previous relationships and its the same shit. always lowkey the second choice. just gonna start ignore everyone and idk

honestly yesterday i was feeling kinda bad because of life and idk just felt like kms right ? but i'm thinking if i were to do that i would be missing out on a lot of new music, new anime, or rewatching old animes (favorites) , can't pet my cats if im dead. can't read my fanfics if im dead. there's a lot of things i look forward to doing but idk the feeling is still there lmaooooooo ( just to lighten the blow with a 'lmao' ) OH can't go to concerts if im dead. can't draw if im dead. so yeah. guess that is it

[idontknowyetillchangeitlater]

October 6 2024

I haven't written since forever so I haven't been keeping myself updated.

Anyways I built a gaming pc, (well my brother did, he's into that stuff.) and i finally set everything up and it looks pretty nice but now i'm thinking omg why did i buy this when i dont even play video games. i even tried to watch shows but it feels so different that watching it from my ipad. its crazy. but its pretty nice to listen to music on here.

so there might be a hurricane coming to florida but its not a direct hit to where i am front. however we are getting rain and wind so far. its crazy how the weather is getting pretty bad and people don't want to blame it on global warming. crazy.

is it crazy to think that my friends dont want to be my friend because they keep making plans without me and we are literally in the same friend group so idk its annoying. i want to say i don't care but clearly i do and i now am thinking they are fake. (this isn't the first time and said friend always gets mad at me if i don't tell her things , or if i hang out with other people. like ?? how does that make sense.)

OMG, I FINALLY FINISHED AOT , I HAD PTO AND I SPENT THE WHOLE WEEK WATCHING. AND ITS SUCH AN ARTISTIC MASTERPIECE. A ONE OF A KIND. I LOVED IT AND I WANT TO WATCH IT AGAIN BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE SAD. EVERYTIME I SEE A TIKTOK EDIT I START GETTING SAD AND TEARFUL.

i've been reading a lot of fanfics, but haven't been finishing them. anyways that its

[idontknowyetillchangeitlater]

august 20th

OKAY its been forever since I wrote, and I don't even know what was the last thing I wrote out. Anyways, I ended up having covid and stayed home for a week, and then after that week ended I started my vacation. During my covid week, I didn't do much beside sleep and look at birthday gifts. I had the best poops ever during this week. Then on my vacation week (good thing I wrote in my physical journal because I forgot tbh) I think I just read fanfics, I did go out with my friend after my birthday! It was a nice time, we went to two museums and then went to this artsy place, and then we had pretty good food. overall 10/10 day. OOF I remember what I did during my vacation week, basically stayed up until 6 am reading fics and drawing. it was literally the best time of my life. Then when I started work I had trouble sleeping and couldn't use the bathroom. I feel like I make too much excuses for myself. The answer is right in my face and I never seem to catch on. I read the ending of my hero academia. I love it, idk obviously I wanted it to be longer, and stay going on forever, but it was a good ending, and I feel there's a lot to interpret. I started drawing more, not as much as I would like, but yeah. I plan to draw an oc everyday just so I can get better at drawing (random fact, but I actually started drawing more after reading Naruto. So thanks to my brother for buying the weekly shonen jump when it was still being printed in the us. I don't know if he still as it, but now that I think about it , its pretty cool.) I started running! Today!! I ran five whole minutes without stopping, it doesn't sound like much but I am actually very excited and very proud of myself!! I would have continued running but I ended up increasing my speed and that fucked me up. I'm kinda jealous of my friend (bestie) being friends or more friendly with other people, I keep thinking she doesn't really want to be my friend. I know she can be friends with whoever she wants and talk to whoever she wants, but I don't really know why this bothers me so much. (Google says its fear of being abandoned.) I wish I didn't care that much. I've been playing pokemon, and now that I've been reading a lot of fanfic I want to get a kindle LMAO.

TALKING ABOUT FANFIC. I have been reading a lot but not really finishing, I either skip ahead of find the plot boring or don't like how its going. Like idk. I kinda hate when they age up one of the characters and keep the other pair younger its weird.

I want to write my own fanfic, idk what or who i would write about but hey.

[idontknowyetillchangeitlater]

July 22

I literally spent the whole day sleeping lmaoooooo yesterday too. I literally can’t sleep at night but sleep all day. So lame. I’m so bored I’ve been in my room and don’t leave unless I have to use the bathroom or eat. ( idk why I feel so bored tho. This is heaven to me lmaooooooo.) I don’t have to work (because I have covid) but I’m low key kinda stressed cause idk if they are gonna pay me lol. Would suck very much if they didn’t. I have a feel I’ll still be positive on my birthday ( in 6 days) alsooooo idk why I feel so motivated to get my life together when I’m not working lol. I received the haikyuu illustration book, and it’s such nice art works in there, its beautiful

started watching this anime but it was kinda boring so I stopped idk what else to watch tbh. I want to buy the ohuhu markers but I told myself if I do that I would have to use them everyday because they are lowkey expensive. Today before I sleep I will be reading some fics. ( I’m gonna try to stay up later cause I slept until 7 pm)

today I didn’t do much I ate noodles and had coffee. Woke up at 1130 then stayed in bed until 1 something then waited until everyone left so I can use the kitchen, watched that sad boring anime , played some Zelda (btw I’m stuck on a level and I’m stressed out) then took a nap from I think 3 to 7 ( best nap of my life) didn’t want to get up, got my package and now I’m writing. So boring,

[idontknowyetillchangeitlater]

July 20th

So i got this keyboard for my pad and it works pretty good, it doesnt have a mouse pad but it works fine tbh. I might have covid. I used this old testing kit i have because i have a headache and been coughing like crazy. It says I’m positive and I feel so stressed because I didn’t test until today but I’ve been feeling bad for two days now and i got tested because my boss said she had covid and we both are feeling like booty so yeah I’m gonna get tested again. I kinda feel bad because i was surrounded by my coworkers and i feel lowkey irresponsible.

Anyways, work was ass, (this keyboard is lagging low key.) okay don’t have to go to work tomorrow!! But i have to get tested covid to get paid.my mom thinks its witch craft so she’s been burning incense

I can’t believe i got sick close to my birthday week.

[idontknowyetillchangeitlater]

July 17th

Throughout the day I was so stressed out I kept thinking I wanna kill myself lmao. You know that meme of the dog sitting in the flames saying everything’s fine lmao me.

I got my switch today!! It looks super cute I need to figure out what type of games I like. TBH I’m not into playing games. The last time I started playing games was when I was avoiding my assignments/projects for college. I started playing destiny lol. So maybe I like those type of games idk. I bought a Mario game but I’ve lost so many life in 30 minutes. Kinda wanna play animal crossing lol

I think I’m getting sick. Everyone is fucking sick and no one wears a ,ask it’s so annoying. I have been slacking on my reading, idk if it’s cause the fanfics aren’t interesting or what (maybe I’m just sad or something) but I haven’t been reading lol.

I actually have been feeling pretty good lol gonna be 3 am. I forgot today was Wednesday

my mom keeps calling me (or implying) that I’m fat lmao I’m not even fat like that’s her deal.

[idontknowyetillchangeitlater]

July 16th

so today was pretty good. I could have gotten my Nintendo switch today but I was working and I needed to give them a passcode, I feel kinda sick! I kinda have a sore throat and one of my coworkers had covid so idk. Anyways might get tested if I still have the sore throat tomorrow . This morning I couldn’t sleep because of said sore throat and and when I finally fell asleep they decided to cut the grass AT 7 AM. like why , what’s the reason?

I’m kinda overthinking about my birthday purchases tbh. ( most of them were literally just daily necessities, the only thing that wasn’t was the switch and the haikyuu illustration book lmao) and I told. Myself that I shouldn’t be thinking like that. If I wanted it and let’s say I don’t use it it’s okay whatever. The point is that I shouldn’t feel bad for spending money on myself.

I gotta start working out again, my knee isn’t hurting anymore tbh and I climbed the stairs with no problems lol. Shameless is really stressing me out lmao (I might stop watching)

I want to type more but I want to sleep :/

[idontknowyetillchangeitlater]

july 14th

so my computer is dying lol. too lazy to actually plug in the charger. i am officially super stressed while watching shameless. i think my favorite character is lip but idk. fiona is stressing me the heck out.

i went to the work meeting and i couldn't sleep last night because my stomach was hurting. and yeah i was also stressing out because i had to talk to my coworkers about something and yeah but when i got there i didn't really say much tbh it was more like an interactive speech/activity and lowkey kinda had fun. also i told myself i would go to the park and walk and guess what yall!! i did!! it was super super refreshing even though throughout the whole walk i thought i was gonna get kidnapped. and even though i was basically the only one at the trail walk/sidewalk i was very awkward lmao. i'm thinking of doing daily walks.

i made a few more purchases tbh i feel pretty relieved in a way.

alsooooooo, i'm thinking of going back to school. i don't know what i'm gonna study, but i def want to figure it out before i apply. i'm very excited!!!!

[idontknowyetillchangeitlater]

July 13th

okay I’ve been slacking on here tbh it’s crazy I keep either forgetting or procrastinating

my stomach is lowkey hurting because I ate a little TOO much cheese lmao anyways I got two of my carts for my birthday even tho it was just skin care products and necessities lol. I’m gonna save the Amazon cart for last I keep adding things and it’s stressing me out tbh I’m telling myself I don’t need it but then think I don’t buy myself anything ever

anyways today at 6:17 in the morning I woke up randomly and then half way to walk out of my room I stood in the middle and thought wtf was I supposed to do. Idk if I was sleep walking or what but that was mad weird. this is totally random to say but I have been having really good poops! This week I pooped almost everyday more than once idk if that’s a good thing or what but yeah ( I usually get constipated lol) my knee pain is actually pretty weird because some days it hurts some days it doesn’t like on Tuesday it was hurting and I was so shocked that I could bend it and everything , then Wednesday came along and I could walk like?? And now it’s back to not hurting ! It’ll hurting all day and then throughout the night it’ll stop. Crazy. I think it’s chronic pain but I have to go to the doctor lmao I haven’t worked out in three weeks now cause of this bipolar pain.

I’ve been watching shameless I’m on season four now lol it’s pretty good I, actually paying attention and stressing so I’m guessing that’s a good thing. Still haven’t figured out what anime I want to watch. :/ I want to come across an amazing fan fic that I can read in one sitting. I keep reading some that are low key kinda boring and even though I like the story it’s boring and I stop reading it wth

So my birthday is coming up right, and I been thinking I should go travel somewhere. In the state I live in so I can just drive there. I think I need to see things from a different perspective because then I’ll see what I need to focus on in my life.m( like whenever I feel like my drawings or paintings are looking weird I take a step back and look at it a different angle. There I notice if I need to fix it or I’ll see how to make it look better. Sooooo yeah)

[idontknowyetillchangeitlater]

july 9th

so don't know why didn't write yesterday. but today i was supposed take my dad to do his procedure but yesterday my mom told me it was postponed. so that's good (good because we were talking about how my brother should take him. not that i don't want to take him. i just feel i work too hard and it's not fair that my brother who does nothing is expected to just stay home all day.)

i'm kinda annoyed i feel like my job is just taking the fun out of my life. i can't even be nice because idk what the fuck. this job is so stupid i hate it and i want to work somewhere else. GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO ME.

so i calculated everything i want to get for my birthday and its pretty good. nothing is too expensive so i'm fine!! and i can't wait to get some stickers! i've been painting!! its been fun!!

i might go to the art store because they have good deals going on until the 12th. and i'm off tomorrow.

[idontknowyetillchangeitlater]

july 7th

i know its july 8th but i'm not asleep so it's still the the 7th

i had a pretty good day today tbh. i didn't do much besides work and read BL comics lmao. also i started watching shameless. its pretty good!! i was gonna have poki today but i didn't want to overspend and i had it the day before. my stomach is hurting lowkey, and my knee pain is getting better i think.

my parents are so annoying. like i called out my dad on something he did which was clearly wrong and then he gets mad at me because i'm upset at what he did. just acknowledge your actions, reflect on it and do better next time. like how hard is that????????? and then he pulls the "youre just like you mom" lmao OKAY????? like??????? what you want me to do ?? just accept things and not say shit? the fuck is wrong with you? literally so stupid. and my mom too not saying shit like what a dumbass everyone is stupid. i feel like my family are just a bunch of stimulations or something. like i'm in a game and they are just computers in a game lmao. unreal

anyways haikyuu timeskip is getting animated!!!! I'm so excited i haven't stopped smiling since this morning. (totally random but i have a bokuto edit on my phone and i was just watching it and was like damn what a cutie. i think i'm in love LMAO)

i haven't finished or fixed my friend's painting. actually after painting on friday i haven't painted again lmao. i do one mistake and i act like its the end of the world.

i feel like today i was overthinking alot and idk i need to just cool it and reassure myself that everything is fine . i actually do feel like everything will turn out amazing. everything always works out for me.

anyways :P

[idontknowyetillchangeitlater]

july 5th

today was a pretty good day. i think that art (doing art or looking at art) really helps lift my moods. there is this coffee cart in the mall where i work and right next to it the mall decided to post art (sell art) and there's so many unique styles like damn. there's this really cute cat painting that SPEAKS to my SOUL. like omfg its so beautiful i just cant even explain.

today i used my water colors from a year ago (my bestie got them for my birthday) and i used them finally . actually i only started using them because she told me to use it and paint her something. so i guess its a project. however, i messed up. i mixed the colors by mistake. but i'm telling myself this is trial and error.

my knee?? or leg pain is back and idk what how to feel about it tbh.

i felt good tbh. good day EVEN THOUGH i went to work.

i'm almost done with this fanfic that i'm reading! its so good and its the slowest progression ever (in the relationship) but its so well written and nothing feels forced and the characters feel like the anime/manga. its really good.

i requested two day off from work next week to take my dad to do this procedure done, but my brother doesn't do anything so i'm gonna tell him to take him (my brother has been jobless for about four months now and he hasn't even attempted to apply to places. he literally stays home all day watching tv. its crazy)

[idontknowyetillchangeitlater]

july 4th

its technically july 5th because its 1 am however i'm still awake.

i had a good day today, i wanted to have poki but my favorite poki place was closed. i made a list of this to get myself for my birthday and my vacation week is on the same as my birthday and i don't want to plan anything because i will feel overwhelmed and end up not doing anything so instead i wrote a list of this i want to get done on my vacation week. not anything crazy lmao. just chores, like finally organizing my room, and going to the library or even going to an art museum. simple achievable things that i will feel accomplished. i want to start on a new anime, but i also want to rewatch naruto shippuden. i went to the park today and let me tell you i will never wear skin color shorts again, i felt uncomfortable AND idk if this is weird but i felt like it affected how i ran. but then again, i didn't run well because i haven't ran in so long. i can not compare my running to when i used to run everyday for an hr at age 18 to hardly doing cardio 9 years later. its crazy. so yeah not i wanna start running a mile a day. because 14 minutes to finish a mile is so ass ( to me, because i used to finish in 9.35 which is okay i guess.)

i feel like i'm forgetting something i don't know. like i feel like i should be doing something but idk what it is, its stressing me out. also went to five below and got myself a rug it was so cute and now i wanna get a second one when i clean up my room.

is it weird to not want to do anything for my birthday?? i already told my mom that on my vacation week i will stay like a hermit in my room lmao. ( cause i know she be making plans already, like today she asked me why i was in a bad mood and its cause i had one thing planned and then go home (literally two minutes) and then she starts telling me about the things she wants to do like ?????? so yeah i don't like that.

i'm feeling kinda bad for midoriya(in this latest chapter)

[idontknowyetillchangeitlater]

june 3rd

i didn't write yesterday i had a lazy day. i would say it was a good lazy day but i was in bed all day by force lmao cause i guess i'm at that age where my knee hurts if i sit in a weird position. anyways today was a boring day tbh. i didn't do much and i was so excited to leave work because i reading this really cute fanfic lmao. like i love when they the trope is friends to lovers (its so cute!!) i finished this one that was so angsty and painful TO MY SOUL. i just realized my birthday is in a few weeks lmao. i don't even know what i want to do lol. i have to go to the gym to look cute for myself. my friend asked me what i wanted to do and i literally didn't know so i said visit an art museum, but really i wanna go on a trip. i wanna see some flowers or some mountains or just sit on some grass field and think about life. idk

i haven't watched any anime and it feels weird lowkey wanna rewatch haikyuu.

I NEED SOME HAIKYUU FAN FIC RECS!!!!!!! >:/

[idontknowyetillchangeitlater]

july 1st

SO I WAS RIGHT, MY MOM IS ALL TALK LMAO. TODAY SHE WAS LIKE ALL HAHA HEHE WITH MY DAD AND I'M LIKE WHY ARE YOU LIKE THAT?? DO YOU NOT THINK YOU COULD MAKE IT WITHOUT MY DAD?? CAN YOU NOT PROVIDE FOR YOURSELF, LIKE WHAT TYPE OF EXAMPLE IS THAT SO CRAZY I'M SO DISAPPOINTED AND I WAS ACTUALLY MAD AT HER LMAO. LIKE WHY STRESS ME OUT IF YOU ARE GONNA DO THE SAME SHIT EVERYTIME. LIKE, SHE'S ALWAYS LIKE THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME AND THAT HAS BEEN GOING ON SINCE BEFORE I WAS EVEN BORN HONESTLY ITS FUCKING PATHETIC.

anyways, nothing happened today tbh, i took out money from my savings to pay off my bills and i'm sad because i should have had a certain amount but i have less that what i should have had and its annoying

i really want to quit

i want to die tbh, my spotify was actually playing songs i would want to hear its crazy.

i had coffee and my stomach was hurting and i was like hm i'll just go when i get home and now i'm home but i couldn't go and now my stomach hurts

[idontknowyetillchangeitlater]

june 30th

so today was a pretty good day. i didn't do much beside work and read fanfiction. i'm reading this pretty good one and yesterday i stayed up until 3 am reading. its so good. its the perfect build up between characters and its full of fluff.

i came home today and my mom was telling me about how she's so angry at my dad and how she wants to leave him and move out. and i was like damn okay bet and i even started budgeting and making plans and everything, but i know its empty word tbh. she always says that and then the next day she'll be okay and then accept his apology, its stupid and toxic this has been going on for so long. so yeah i feel kinda bad tbh but it is what it is. and i kinda want to talk to my pals about it but i usually never bring up my personal shit.

i ate this really good expensive donut lmao. making stomach hurt.

[idontknowyetillchangeitlater]

june 29

So i think i was overreacting to my bestie cause i feel like because i feel miserable and think everything sucks it influences how i feel?? idk

I'm kinda obsessed with the new megan thee stallion song lol the otaku hot girl. it literally made my day better.

really think my time is coming soon (to quit) lmao. worded kinda weird but whatever. because literally i've been feeling horrible and stressed i couldn't sleep last night thinking about everything lmao, and then today i saw a video that says your body will feel sick if youre not supposed to be with someone or somewhere. this is my body telling me to quit my job. lmao. i literally have the worst eyebags and google says its cause of stressed.