Tony doesnât look at his thing with feathers often. It had withered over the years, grown ugly and gnarled, feathers dirty and small. Heâd shown it to Pepper, once, small enough it didnât even take up his entire palm, and sheâd pressed her lips together into a flat line to hold back a horrified gasp.âTony, itâs,â sheâd begun, clearly trying not to sound judgmental and failing, and Tony had nodded sadly, covered it with his other hand, and carried it back to his room in silence. The thing with feathers peeped miserably as Tony set it down on his dresser. âItâs not your fault,â Tony had assured it, just as miserable, because it wasnât. It was all his.
To his surprise, when the rest of the Avengers move in, they have no compunctions showing off their things with feathers. Natashaâs is stunningly big, and Clintâs fluctuates from one day to the next, although it seems to be consistently growing. Bruceâs is the average size, and sometimes its feathers shift glossy green, but Bruce doesnât flinch away when it happens anymore. Thorâs is⊠Thorâs is ginormous, and heâd happily told them that he hadnât had it before heâd been banished to Midgard, and it had burst out of him in a mess of gold feathers the moment heâd looked up at Jane after sheâd hit him with her jeep. Steveâs was the only one comparably small to Tonyâs, wings moving slow and creaky like the old man he should have been instead of the young man he still was.
They worry about Steve. His thing doesnât grow or shrink, like itâs caught in stasis, feathers brittle like theyâre still frozen the way they had been when heâd been pulled from the sea. Steve spends hours staring at it, face blank, and they carefully donât think about the pictures from the war, when his thing with feathers had had wings wide enough to lovingly span the huddled mass of the Howling Commandoes like a mother hen gathering her chicks beneath her.
Tony considers bringing his out, to show Steve that it was okay. His thing with feathers had looked small and pathetic even before Afghanistan. Heâs actually just getting up to go fetch it when he notices Steveâs thing moving across the coffee table. Itâs feathers look shinier, all of the sudden. Steve is examining a folder with rapt attention, not even noticing that Tony has stood, and as Tony watches, Steveâs thing with feathersâ hobbling turns to strong steps, until itâs hopping across the table and leaping onto the couch beside him. Steve lifts his arms, and the thing settles in his lap, preening itself for the first time since Tony has known it.
Heâs glad he didnât bring his thing with feathers out. It would be cruel to bring it out to show Steve he wasnât alone, only to make it watch as Steveâs thing with feathers grew and preened and purred. Tony sits down on his bed, hands cupped around his thing with feathers. âIâm sorry,â he says softly, and the thing peeps up at him sadly. He wishes he could make it bigger and stronger, too, but he lost the strength to do that years ago.
Maybe the misery would be easier to deal with if everyone would just leave him alone. Everyoneâs thing with feathers is nosy, keep peering around Tony for his. They chirrup and they squeak and they growl but Tony doesnât waver. He remembers how Obadiahâs thing with feathers had clutched his in its sharp talons, had almost snuffed it out completely but for Pepperâs thing with feathers flying in to stop it. No one outright says he should bring his out, because thatâs bad manners, but he can tell theyâre hurt. They think he hasnât forgiven them for the nasty things said before, or that he doesnât trust them yet, or sometimes even that he needs to be treated like finely spun glass because he simply doesnât have one anymore. Tony canât find it in himself to care.
Barring the first interaction with Pepper, sheâd been happy to look at it, because Tonyâs thing with feathers has always chirped musically even when sad, and sometimes its feathers fluff when she calls it strong and sweet. Rhodey and Happy are the only other ones who regularly see his thing with feathers, and Rhodey still is the only one who takes it in his hand and coos, and its feathers go a little glossier when it happens. (Tony doesnât hold it against Happy. Happy is a man of action, of quiet shoulder hugs and bags of cheeseburgers. He doesnât touch. But his thing with feathers always shares an order of fries with Tonyâs when it can, and Tony is always amused as he watches it try and force his take the bigger half when it can barely finish a quarter.) But even though Pepper had more than made up for her initial response to his thing with feathers, and Rhodey and Happy never show judgment either, he doesnât want to open himself up to the rest of the team, with their beautiful feathers and wide wingspans and happy chirrups. He knows his thing with feathers holds no judgment for him not making it bigger or stronger or prettier, but he still feels like he failed it every day he sees everyone elseâs.
It comes to a head. Tony has enemies, and heâs always known it. Still, when JARVIS tells him that someone has attacked the penthouse and itâs not safe to go up, he canât bring himself to listen, so frantic that he doesnât even stop to grab the suit. His thing with feathers is up there, and itâs small and wounded and sad but itâs his, and if it gets snuffed out he knows heâll become just a shell of himself. It turns out to be AIM, and he wants to be angry, but mostly heâs just tired, dodging attacks from their laser guns and trying to draw them away from the door to his room. He doesnât keep anything of value there, not except his thing with feathers.
The rest of the team arrives seconds later, because theyâre all idiots and they disregard JARVISâs orders to evacuate too. Tony leaves them to it, running into his room, and he cries out in dismay when he sees the broken glass and battered furniture. His dresser is in pieces. He canât even find the little nest of cotton heâd made for his thing with feathers. Then he realizes the beeping he hears past the roar of blood in his ears isnât beeping at all, but the frantic peeping of his thing with feathers. Itâs under the debris somewhere. He drops to his knees and begins digging, calling for it, but he canât figure out where the peeping is coming from, and he realizes with a start that his hands are already bleeding. He doesnât stop though, picking up what he can and looking under it. As long as he can still hear the peeping, itâs still okay, and he still has a chance to find it.
âMove,â Steve says, shouldering him out of the way, and Clint and Natasha hold him back so he doesnât get in Steveâs way as he picks up furniture. Tony doesnât realize heâs babbling pleas for Steve to be careful until Thor pulls him around and yanks him into a hug so tight that all he can do is melt into it and sob helplessly. He focuses on the fact that his thing with feathers is still peeping.
âOh,â Natasha says, like the wordâs been punched out of her, and Tony canât help but cry harder, because it sounds a lot like what Pepper had said when she first saw it, horrified and disappointed and sad. Then, âGive it here. Give it here. Come here, Đ·ĐŸĐ»ĐŸŃŃĐ”. Iâve got you. Here you go. Thor, put him down.â
Thor does, and Tony immediately turns, hands cupped and out for it, and Natasha hesitates when she sees heâs still bleeding, but then the choice is taken out of her hands as Tonyâs thing with feathers leaps from her hands and into Tonyâs. He gathers it close and whimpers when he feels it trembling against his palms. It must have been so scared. He hates himself for being a coward, just a little. If heâd just carried it with him like a normal person, it never would have been in danger.
âNo wonder you never showed us,â Clint says sadly, and Tony flinches, until his next words register and then he just stares in disbelief. âYou already get so touchy about being called short, if anyone mentioned how small it is, youâd tire yourself out from throwing hands.â
âClint!â Steve barks reproachfully, and Bruce grabs him by the ear to drag him out.
âARE YOU GONNA LOOK AT ME AND TELL ME IâM WRONG?!â Clint bellows before he clears the door, offended, and Steve and Natasha actually look uncertain about it.
âTony,â Thor says pleasantly, ignoring him. âMay I see it?â
âItâs scared,â Tony hiccups.
âYou donât need to give it to me.â Thor holds his hands out. âJust show me.â
Tony stares up at him, anxious, but his thing with feathers flutters against his palms, so he lets them fall from his chest, hesitantly placing his cupped hands on top of Thorâs and suddenly grateful for the offer because heâs still shaking. He gets nervous when he notices Steve and Natasha leaning in again too, but neither of them look disgusted, so. So maybe itâs okay.
âHello, little one,â Thor tells it gently, and the thing with feathers peeps at him from under its wings, shy. âHello. You were very brave. You must get that from Tony.â
âItâs pink,â Steve says in surprise, and then adds, rueful, âI donât think I have that color marker yet. Iâll have to buy it.â
âI amâŠâ Natasha begins, looking unsettled. ââŠFilled. With aggression. It is so little and cute.â She leans closer, and the thing peeps uncertainly. âIf anyone so much as looks at you wrong, I will crush them in my fist like a grape,â she whispers.
The thing with feathers is definitely unsettled now, and peeps in alarm and shoves its way under Tonyâs sleeve cuff so it can hide there, overwhelmed.
âHow am I supposed to live, having seen that,â Natasha hisses, livid, and turns to storm out. âIâm going to go ethically torture the AIM agents. I canât believe this. Itâs small and pink. I canât believe Iâm going to kick someoneâs ass over this.â
Tony watches her go, still too stunned to speak. Steve and Thor consider going after her, but she had said ethically torture, so. Itâs probably fine?
âYou both need to eat. Come down to the common kitchen. Iâm making you a cake,â Steve finally says, and when Tony and his thing with feathers both squawk in affront, Thor simply throws Tony over his shoulder so he has no choice.
Somehow Steve gets the icing color the same shade as Tonyâs thing with feathers. Itâs still a huge fucking cake though, so he allows the rest of the team to help him eat it.
He doesnât notice his thing with feathers shifting beside him, preening, feathers fluffing out with a healthy sheen for the first time in decades.
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