Reminiscing the times I had here since I'm going home tonight, and this one right here was perhaps my favourite memory in Stuttgart.
It's funny how a change in environment can change you a little too; something about a brand new environment that nudges you to take brand new risks, and before you know it you're singing on the streets to strangers.
I still remember seeing buskers in town on our first day here and I was all "OMG GUIZE I'm gonna busk too! Can't do that in Singapore."
Then a week later I went out with my guitar and trod down the entire street in town looking for a place to busk. As soon as I'd found a good spot, I would slow down towards it,
THEN SPEED UP AS SOON AS I'D REACHED IT AND JUST CONTINUE WALKING.
This went on until it begin to drizzle a few minutes later and I told myself that it just wasn't meant to be - but everyone in my head knew it was just a convenient excuse for the fear they were conceiving in me the whole time, like bunnies in labour.
I went home that day, guitar and disappointment on my back, upon the realization that the hardest part really isn't starting to sing songs once you've already settled on a piece of ground to call your stage;
The hardest part is the whole first act of even sitting down on the streets because that's when everyone realizes you actually brought your guitar out to subject yourself to strange stares, and not to go for guitar class.
It's that moment where you reveal the truth to them that is so absolutely terrifying.
But then I went again on another day, with the boys acompanying me. They sat 10 metres away and though that first step was still petrifying, let me just tell you that once you sit down, you realize how much people really don't care about what you do.
Somehow all the phantasms I had of people giving me death stares the minute I sit down were confounded in an instant.
And it was such a liberating feeling, because in that same moment, it also hit me that so many of our fears are shaped by the criticism we're gonna get from the world but truth is, the world isn't scrutinizing you to keep up with what you're doing, to see if it's good or bad. Everyone would be so much happier if they came to terms with that, and create art instead from the rest in knowing that only the One who created you thinks you're good enough even before you've used any of the gifts He's given you (which if you realize, gifts), instead of trying to work for approval from the world.
So I just played music the way I would if I was alone in my room, and that's when humanity unavoidably touched my heart.
I can't begin to describe the warmth that comes from the beam of a stranger, and if they start talking to you-- hey you just made a friend.
Then there's the little children who drag their parents towards me, and stare in amazement for the longest time. They are so adorable and I can't help but smile back at them, but it's the wonder in their eyes that is completely gold.
And then there was this cute old lady who gave me a whole box of coins, and another German lady who decided to converse with me in Chinese and I think her Chinese was better than mine.
And the guy who went past me in a hurry, stopped, smiled to himself, turned around and gave me a coin before rushing off again.
Liberation, courage and the glow of the human spirit found me that day, as well as the other days I went back to busk.
I sang on the streets thinking that I'll be offering something to people, but I received so so much instead.
