gracie abrams
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YOU ARE THE REASON
Keni
@theartofmadeline
art blog(derogatory)
EXPECTATIONS
d e v o n
occasionally subtle
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NASA
RMH
if i look back, i am lost
Today's Document
titsay
sheepfilms
Kiana Khansmith
Stranger Things
Monterey Bay Aquarium
Mike Driver
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@iggythesmidge
It’s true. http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=darling&allowed_in_frame=0 (You should see my eyes get wide and Ctrl-T to a new tab and furiously type in the URL to Etymology Online when stuff like this comes up.)
I guess it’s time to increase my usage of the word Darling
@mitthrassafis. Darling.
Critical Hit Episode 333
I was waiting to post the last one until I’d finished this one... then I decided to make GIFs. Which took more time to optimise for Tumblr than I thought...
Of course, on the plus side, I know how to do that (albeit badly) now. :p
Critical Hit Episode 332
So, I get nice comments from peoples about these posts and think ‘Yay! I need to message people back when I post the next one!’... and then fail to post for 3 weeks. Because I’m rubbish at this, apparently. :-/
So um... sorry? But on the plus side, this one took me 4 hours (!) to do, and there was wine involved, so it should make even less sense than usual! :D
As always, spoilers under the cut:
Critical Hit Episode 331
I really have to start remembering to c&p these from the text file I write them in... *headdesk*
Episode reactions under the cut:
*Saves that last gif for necessary future use*
pearwaldorf:
#cow! #omg #DOES THAT MACHINE SAY HAPPYCOW ON IT #OMGGGG #ded of cute #video
yes that does indeed say happycow. so. there have been A TON of studies on cows and grooming. the general summary: cows really like to be clean; they’re MUCH happier that way. if you don’t provide them a brush or something like that, they’ll use walls or fences to scratch against, possibly hurting themselves in the process.
but more to the point grooming is a way they calm themselves down, too. similar studies have found that it’s the first thing they do after being freed when they’ve been restrained.
which leads to brushes like the one above, or ones like this (one of my favourite cow photos ever):
cows: anxious and fussy but much happier when able to do self-care. SOUNDS FAMILIAR TO ME
THE POOR BABY GOT BRUSHED AWAY BY IT AT THE BEGINNING I LOVE COWS
Critical Hit Episode 330
Episode reactions under the cut:
flirting with a man at a bar
me: hey lemme see ur phone I’ll put my number in
unsuspecting fool: hahah sure *hands me his phone*
me: *transfers his entire Pokemon Go team to myself*
fool: what the fuck?
me: *rips my jacket open to reveal a sensible tee with a large bedazzled letter R* TO PROTECT THE WORLD FROM DEVaSTA–
“jedi characters can’t be gay because the jedi code doesn’t allow for romance” listen you major league asshole if i had to sit through two whole movies of hayden christensen and natalie portman then luke skywalker can get a one bedroom and a dog with wedge antilles
that rule doesn’t even apply after the original trilogy, Luke specifically removed that part of the code when he rebuilt the order.
are you telling me luke skywalker canonically ripped up the jedi order just so he could get a one bedroom and a dog with wedge antilles
Player: “Can the dwarf see me in the elf’s pocket?”
DM: “I suppose so…”
Player: “I wink at him”
-Party rogue after putting on a cursed ring of rat polymorph
Critical Hit Episode 329
Wheee! New episode for Christmas! :p
Reactions under the cut:
Create magic in your kitchen with these baked apple roses. The Internet is going crazy about this recipe. Here it is again: http://cookingwithmanuela.blogspot.com/2015/03/apple-roses.html Video recipe: https://youtu.be/5rGrwvEjZIQ
@varvhenesansolasan :D :D :D
do you ever think about how little Michelangelo cared
All right, everyone, grab a chair and sit back because I’m going to share with you what I learned about Michelangelo and the Sistine Chapel in my Art History Class.
The man NEVER wanted to paint the damn thing. But the pope at the time “forced him to” According to my teacher. Michelangelo hated this man, I MEAN REALLY HATED HIM. So did a majority of people. The pope’s nickname translated literally means “Terrible pope”.
And the working conditions were awful. He had to work on his back with all that paint, which is filled with some toxic shit that gave Michelangelo a limp for the rest of his life. (Also, our teacher made us get on our backs and try drawing with both hands JUST to prove how bad and uncomfortable it is.)
At the time, the ceiling was so high, you could barely see it. You need binoculars to get a good look at what’s up there, by the time people could see the paintings, there was a lot of weird symbolism that Michelangelo hid up there.
This one? The creation of the sun and moon? God is mooning you. And the pope and all others after him prayed under that without knowing.
This one? At the time, dissecting was sacrilegious and everyone found out how behind God was what looked like half a brain. blah blah, science, science, that pissed everyone off.
And also, ALLLLLLL the men and women in the Sistine Chapel are all on fucking steroids. My teacher described the women’s bodies as “Men bodies with boobs slapped on.”
And then there is this:
Now this is the back wall. Michelangelo actually wanted to paint this one after he finished the ceiling. (and there was a different pope too, I believe.) However, originally, EVERYONE in that painting was naked. And they didn’t like it. Adam and Eve naked? That’s cool. But Jesus? Now you crossed the line. So the pope at the time hired someone else to censor it and give the important figures clothes. He worked on it for 6 or 9 months before he died.
And then the symbolism in this one is great. Somewhere in the right, there are homosexuals in heaven. (No matter what, the Vatican will say “Those straight men are happy” I’ll get to that in a second), Michelangelo painted himself near Jesus, and the terrible pope is in hell with a snake biting his balls.
And if you were to point ANY of this out to the Vatican, they will deny all of it and claim Michelangelo was a catholic hero. In fact, when they discovered the symbolism around the 60s or 70s, the guy who told the Vatican was kicked out of the Vatican for life.
TL;DR: Michelangelo hated the pope and made the best “fuck you” of all time.
YO. ALL OF THIS^. Michelangelo was hella grumpy all of the time. It was fantastic.
However, as beautiful as this commentary is, I’m gonna make a little correction. The Pope isn’t the one in hell getting his balls bitten; that guy is actually the Papal Minister of Ceremonies a the time, Biagio de Cesena.
See, when Michelangelo was painting this, as you said, lots of people were uncomfortable with all of the nudity (especially because the Last Judgement [back wall mural] was painted much later when nudity in religious art was even more controversial than before), but the dude who was the angriest was de Cesena.
He was so angry that he reportedly burst in on Michelangelo while he was working (which is already a big no-no because Michelangelo’s requirements for working were mostly “fuck the hell off and leave me alone or else I quit and I will stab you in the eye with my paintbrush/chisel”.). He then proceeds to tell Michelangelo that this fresco is disgusting and obscene and shame on him etc etc. He also referred to it as “i stui di nudi”, which means “A stew of nudes” which is one of the best descriptions of a thing ever, if you ask me.
So Michelangelo, probably on the cusp of homicide is like “Thank you for the notes. Now get the fuck out,” and de Cesena reluctantly does.
Later, he comes to see the finished product and finds that Michelangelo had painted his portrait down in Hell to represent the Minos, King of the Dead. He has the ears of an ass and the above described crotch biting snake:
Upon seeing this and being enraged, de Cesena went to the Pope to demand that it be changed and that Michelangelo be punished. However, the Pope was SO incredibly done dealing with Michelangelo’s snark, tantrums, and general hatred of the world and everyone in it, that he didn’t want to do shit.
The Pope’s response to him was literally to say “As Pope, I have a lot of influence on Earth and up in Heaven, but I have no jurisdiction in Hell. You’re shit out of luck.”
And it stayed.
Michelangelo, grade A artist, snark master, and professional dick.
in stories featuring aliens, they’re always like “on my planet this never happens!” or “in my culture, this differs from your human culture.” and that’s neat and all because i like worldbuilding and all that jazz but wouldn’t it be fun if they just. couldn’t do that?
i want a story where humans encounter an alien who frustrates them because they don’t know enough to tell them anything concrete
like humans will ask “tell us about politics in your planet!” and the alien’s all “uh… hold on it’s been a while since i took gov. um….”
“what sorts of plants grow on your planet?”
“i dunno i grew up in the suburbs. they’re like… purple? idk what you want me to say”
“tell us about the culture on your planet!”
“do you have any idea how many fucking countries are back home, i don’t even know where to begin”
“your planet is obviously much more scientifically and technologically advanced than ours. is it possible for you to enlighten us on certain matters concerning space travel, or would that be a form of interference you must avoid?”
“naw it’s cool, it’s just that, um, i’m a philosophy major”
OOH OOH AND
“take me to your leader”
“…we have like hundreds of leaders like which one? my country’s leader? another country’s leader? the director of our space program? my country’s military leader? my mom??”
@glumshoe
And the huge, scary-looking alien who is the first point of contact and whom they assume is a diplomat is in fact a toddler who presents them with a mud patty and solemnly says “you have to eat this”.
