metamorphism @igneous-intrusion - Tumblr Blog

idk who needs to hear this, but I know that someone has been making red sauce for their pasta and can't figure out why it doesn't taste right and why it doesn't stick to the pasta

It doesn't taste right because you need a spoon or two of sugar. That bright metallic flavor that cuts through the sauce and keeps if from tasting right is tamed by a little bit of sugar. You want enough to mellow down and round out the flavor profile, but not enough that the sauce turns sweet.

It doesn't stick to the pasta because you need to add a ladle of the water from the pot you cooked your pasta in. There's starch in that water and it will thicken your sauce up and make it gluey so it sticks to the pasta

extra tip: if you only cook the pasta about halfway in the water and then finish cooking it in the sauce, the pasta will pull water out of the sauce and thicken it. But you still need some of the pasta water in the sauce, for the starch. And don't put raw pasta in the sauce and try to cook it that way, it won't work right.

Took me like ten years to catch on to the sugar thing, and now my red sauces are top notch.

victusinveritas

dear-ao3

best brownies in the known universe (at least, according to my grandma)

some year and a half ago when i was getting ready to move out i combed through all the family recipes that lay lost to time and one of the ones that i found was my grandmas brownie recipe. idk where she got it from (nor can i ask cause she has dementia) and its a printed out email she sent to my mom in june 2000. but by george these the best brownies i have ever tasted. would she be pleased that i am sharing this recipe with my vast following? absolutely.

YOU WILL NEED:

5 tablespoons butter (unsalted) 1 ounce unsweetened baking chocolate (or as much as your heart desires) 2/3 cup unsweetened good cocoa powder 1 cup sugar (white) (superfine preferred, normal works fine) 1 cup sifted white flour (can use gluten free) 1/2 teaspoon baking powder as much cinnamon as your heart desires (your heart needs to desire at least some cinnamon. its essential to the recipe) 3 egg whites 1 egg splash of vanilla extract (again, non negotiable step!)

preheat your oven to 325 degrees. grease a square baking pan (9x9 preferably).

in a small saucepan over medium heat melt the butter and baking chocolate. while that is melting, sift together the flour, baking powder and cinnamon into a small bowl. once the butter and chocolate is done melting add the cocoa powder and cook it together for 1 minute. add in the sugar and stir. it will get very thick. this is correct.

set that aside to cool. while thats cooling take a large bowl and put in your egg whites, egg and vanilla. beat it up with preferably a whisk but you can use a fork if youre fresh out of whisks. once the chocolate is cool enough to not scramble your eggs dump it in the eggs and mix it together. add the flour in gradually and keep mixing until its smooth and happy.

spread into your greased baking pan. put it in the oven for EXACLTLY 18 MINUTES. very crucial step. they will come out slightly under done. that is what we want. as they cool they will continue to cook in the pan. we dont want them to get hard and sad. they are not good when they are hard and sad. do not overbake them. you will be sad.

slice them up and as the official last step on the original recipe says: EAT ENJOY AND MAKE MORE! (theyre very good with mint chocolate chip ice cream)

reallapiscake12

ARE THESE FUDGY CHEWY OR CAKEY PLEASE THIS IS IMPORTANT

dear-ao3

FUDGY !!!

theta-scenario

People with low spoons, someone just recommended this cookbook to me, so I thought I'd pass it on.

I always look at cookbooks for people who have no energy/time to do elaborate meal preparations, and roll my eyes. Like, you want me to stay on my feet for long enough to prepare 15 different ingredients from scratch, and use 5 different pots and pans, when I have chronic fatigue and no dishwasher?

These people seem to get it, though. It's very simple in places. It's basically the cookbook for people who think, 'I'm really bored of those same five low-spoons meals I eat, but I can't think of anything else to cook that won't exhaust me'. And it's free!

by Rachel A. Rosen and Zilla Novikov || Food you can make so you don't die.

strangeracrossthestreet

@mariyyum twitter post: Recipes that have been passed down to me by my Palestinian mother 🇵🇸, and I've had the honor of sharing them with all of you. #freepalestine

1: Cheese Manakeesh (cheese pies)

2: Homemade Hummus w/ chicken koufta

3: Msakhan (the National dish of Palestine)

4: Sfeeha (meet pies)

Follow her on: twitter instagram youtube tiktok and her own blog for more.

locusimperium

swan-archive

locusimperium:

A few years ago, when I was living in the housing co-op and looking for a quick cookie recipe, I came across a blog post for something called “Norwegian Christmas butter squares.” I’d never found anything like it before: it created rich, buttery and chewy cookies, like a vastly superior version of the holiday sugar cookies I’d eaten growing up. About a year ago I went looking for the recipe again, and failed to find it. The blog had been taken down, and it sent me into momentary panic.

Luckily, I remembered enough to find it on the Wayback Machine, and quickly copied it into a file that I’ve saved ever since. I probably make these cookies about once a month, and they last about five days around my voracious husband - they’re fantastic with a cup of bitter coffee or tea. I’m skeptical that there is something distinctively Norwegian about these cookies, but they do seem like the perfect thing to eat on a cold day.

Norwegian Christmas Butter Squares

1 cup unsalted butter, softened

1 egg 1 cup sugar 2 cups flour 1 tsp vanilla ½ tsp salt Turbinado/ Raw Sugar for dusting

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Chill a 9x13″ baking pan in the freezer. Do not grease the pan.

Using a mixer, blend the butter, egg, sugar, and salt together until it is creamy. Add the flour and vanilla and mix using your hands until the mixture holds together in large clumps. If it seems overly soft, add a little extra flour.

Using your hands, press the dough out onto the chilled and ungreased baking sheet until it is even and ¼ inch thick. Dust the top of the cookies evenly with raw sugar.

Bake at 400 degrees until the edges turn a golden brown, about 12-15 minutes. Remove from the oven. Let cool for about five minutes before cutting the cooked dough into squares. Remove the squares from the warm pan using a spatula.

brawltogethernow

So I tried this recipe.

And it is GREAT.

It basically makes the platonic ideal of commercial sugar cookies, only in bar form. When I give them to people (which I do a lot, because this is one of those simple recipes where the results seem very impressive), I just tell them they’re sugar cookie bars.

davetheshady

Life hack: add white chocolate chips and sea salt

mxxnlit-witch

I made these today for the equinox with sea salt caramel chips and they are simply amazing. Let’s see how long they last with six people in the house!

dduane

Noting for later (as we need more butter for this, and probably won’t do a grocery shopping till the weekend).

amyamychan

The OP version of this has become my go-to cookie for basically all things and I have a whole cohort of friends and colleagues who would murder each other to get them. Haven’t tried any add ons yet, since the base recipe is SO GOOD.

g1sunstreaker

I’ve reblogged this before and I’m reblogging it again because I’m about to make it again tomorrow and I wanted to add my own tale of just how amazingly delicious it. it was SO incredibly simple to bake and with an extra dusting of brown sugar on top and served warm and soft they gift you with the taste of the nectar of the gods when paired with a small glass of milk. this image is from when I first made them a couple years ago:

GO. MAKE THESE !!!!

mikkeneko

Needed to make a dessert in a hurry to bring to Thanksgiving, and this recipe worked excellently. I did not have the right kind of sugar for the topping, so instead I used a packet of lemonade powder, which gave it a nice citrusy zing.

five-rivers

Making these for myself as a reward for doing the no fun thing I’ve been putting off. Added half a lemon of lemon juice and a bit more flour. Let’s see how it turns out. >:3

five-rivers

Verdict: tasty.

dduane

These are really, really good, btw. (sorry, no pics…) :/

huffylemon

fallen-angel-nightshade

If you had shown me this site in 2005 I would have asked you if had checked your virus software lately, because this looks like a bad one. I would have clicked away so fast it would give you whiplash. Looking at these sites now, I have to convince myself that they aren’t virus laden sites and fight against the pavlovian urge to just navigate away.

eclecticmasterpiece

I navigate away anyways because fuck them, there’s usually a better site (though they are dwindling quickly). I still can’t get over how the internet “as intended” today looks like a malware ridden fever dream from 20 years ago. This is every story I’ve ever read about an empire that used to be great and has now fallen into turmoil.

picturesque-about-it

Beloveds, there is a wonderful website that gets rid of all that crap<3

deehellcat

OOOOH.

scoutingthetrooper

steak, caramelized onion, and horseradish bagel

schizophrenicarchivist-remade-d

When I was little my mom’s meatloaf was my favorite food. But ONLY her meatloaf. I didn’t like anyone else’s, and she told me that she would teach me how to make it when I was older. And when I was like 19? She finally taught me, but she told me never to tell anyone else and I was like weird but okay

Anyway, she was super fucking homophobic and abusive to me when I told her I was gay, so here’s the recipe

4-6 lbs of Hamburger/turkey burger

1 pk onion soup mix OR ranch mix

1 TBs ketchup

1 Tbs spicy brown mustard,

1 Tbs bbq sauce

1 Tbs steak sauce

1 egg

mix, shape into a loaf in a big pan, and bake at 350 for 2 hrs (maybe 2 and a half if you’re feeling dangerous)

You can get almost all of these ingredients at the dollar store, and have leftovers if it’s just you. The leftovers make great tacos if (taco seasoning is also like a dollar). Enjoy your revenge loaf

comfynb

here’s a mashed potato recipe from my homophobic mother that i swore to never share that would pair perfectly!

(6 servings)

-2lbs red potatoes

-1 cup butter (2 sticks)

-1 cup cream cheese (1 pack)

-Chives (optional)

-Salt & Pepper to taste

1. drop those bad boys (potatoes) in a big ol pot. U don’t even have to chop them just wash them

2. boil til soft!

3. Drain

4. Mash (usually they’re small enough you can use a fork if u don’t have one of those squashers) until its a pretty chunky mix

5. add the other stuff. Keep mashing

I like my mashed potato consistancy more lumpy but its all up to you!! Peel the potatoes or keep them on, it literally makes the creamiest fluffiest mashed potatoes which she always served with the nastiest fuckin meatloaf

tastefullyterrible

So after spending hours combing through the recipes in the comments of this post I have created a cookbook. Feel free to use it. The link should work for everyone, its the only file on the google drive! I have referenced all of the recipes I used, all of which are from this thread. I made it for myself, but figured after all that work I should probably share. Happy spite cooking!

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1WjcDfZrPMr0Pw9f5GfEy0aTs2KEx4Pub/view?usp=sharing

animatedamerican

there is a SPITE COOKBOOK now :DDD

cornbreadlesbian

The art of pie: before & after

antikristrecipes

Eggnog Gingerbread Thumbprint Cookies

delta-breezes

Tahini Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies | Half Baked Harvest

ibakesouffles

stop everything, this is bitty doing research for his thesis

there’s more lmao, unhinged bitty energy

kirain

I showed this tiktok to my grandma to make her laugh, but now she’s all excited and actually wants to make a chocolate potato cake. We’re gonna do it.

I’ll keep everyone posted.

kirain

It’s happening, folks!

kirain

Looks good, but we’re not done yet!

Our sweet, sweet child needs to cool before we add the finishing touches!

kirain

My creation is complete!

After dinner, we’ll give it a taste test!

I wonder how it’ll taste.

kirain

Oh…

My…

God.

It’s incredible!

This stupid cake, made with potatoes … is delicious! It’s so sweet, moist, and decadent, just like a brownie! And I don’t even like chocolate or potatoes!

The recipe from the tiktok was pretty much impossible to find. I looked high and low, but everyone posted recipes that I KNOW he didn’t use because the ingredients and methods were different. After some searching, my grandma and I came up with our own recipe.

For the Cake:

1 cup mashed potato

2 cups sour cream

1 ¾ cup flour

1 ¾ cup sugar

¾ cup unsweetened cocoa powder

½ cup softened butter

2 eggs

1 ½ tsp baking soda

1 tsp vanilla

Pinch of salt

For the Drizzle:

4 oz semi-sweet chocolate

½ cup sugar

3 tbsp corn syrup

2 tbsp water

A lot of recipes called for a mixer or a processor, but my grandma and I wanted to make an every-man kind of recipe, since we know not everyone has those things. Plus they’re heavy and a pain to clean anyway, so bowls it is!

Instructions:

1. Peel and boil the potato, then mash it. Set aside to cool. Go to the bathroom, do your homework, then come back. That should be enough time.

2. Set oven to 350°F.

3. Cream butter. This means putting the sugar and butter into a bowl and mashing it together with a fork until it’s thoroughly mixed.

3. Put everything else in the same bowl, including the mashed potato. Mix and stir well. Work those muscles!

4. Grease a pan (doesn’t matter what kind you use) and spatula batter into pan. Even out if necessary.

5. Bake in oven for 40 minutes.

6. Test cake with pick. If nothing sticks, it’s finished. If batter does stick to pick, let it bake a bit longer but make sure it doesn’t burn. Remove and set aside to cool.

For the Drizzle:

1. Cut chocolate into tiny squares.

2. In a small pot, mix sugar, corn syrup, and water.

3. On medium heat, wait for mixture to sizzle and stir it. Do NOT let it boil.

4. Remove from element and add chocolate.

5. Wait for squares to melt, then mix.

6. Drizzle or pour over cake.

Enjoy!

ironwoman359

I’m so glad there’s a recipe now, I really want to try this!

keepcalmandcarriefischer

Hey here is a thing that happened. We went for a simple ganache for the glaze. Heated 1 cup of cream till hot then poured over 1 cup of semisweet and 1 cup of milk chocolate chips. Whisk untill melted and pour over your chocolate mash potato cake

thefringeperson

Found the original recipe! (Apparently it was listed as a caramel potato cake in the original recipe book??? Anyway, now there’s two CPC recipes!)

Chocolate Potato Cake

½ cup butter 1 cup sugar 2 eggs ½ cup milk ½ cup hot riced potatoes [just pure potato, mashed, no milk or butter or pepper or salt or whatever, just pure mashed potato] 1 cup flour 2 tsp baking powder ½ tsp cinnamon ½ tsp clove ½ tsp nutmeg ½ cup grated chocolate ½ cup chopped nut meats [optional, never ever feel pressured to add nuts to your chocolate cake, our guy here didn’t!]

Just… put everything into the mixing bowl in that order, with lots of mixing in between each addition.

Into a greased and/or lined tin, and then into a moderate oven for 55 minutes (or until cooked).

Frosting

2 Tbs butter 1 cup sugar ¼ cup milk 1 square unsweetened chocolate ½ tsp vanilla [also optional, since again, not mentioned by our maker here!]

Boil, but be careful it doesn’t burn. …Basically? Stir constantly! (also, apparently the vanilla only gets added after the mix is taken off the heat…)

thefringeperson

He did a long-form! He explained the steps!

brattylikestoeat

locusimperium

swan-archive

locusimperium:

A few years ago, when I was living in the housing co-op and looking for a quick cookie recipe, I came across a blog post for something called “Norwegian Christmas butter squares.” I’d never found anything like it before: it created rich, buttery and chewy cookies, like a vastly superior version of the holiday sugar cookies I’d eaten growing up. About a year ago I went looking for the recipe again, and failed to find it. The blog had been taken down, and it sent me into momentary panic.

Luckily, I remembered enough to find it on the Wayback Machine, and quickly copied it into a file that I’ve saved ever since. I probably make these cookies about once a month, and they last about five days around my voracious husband - they’re fantastic with a cup of bitter coffee or tea. I’m skeptical that there is something distinctively Norwegian about these cookies, but they do seem like the perfect thing to eat on a cold day.

Norwegian Christmas Butter Squares

1 cup unsalted butter, softened

1 egg 1 cup sugar 2 cups flour 1 tsp vanilla ½ tsp salt Turbinado/ Raw Sugar for dusting

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Chill a 9x13″ baking pan in the freezer. Do not grease the pan.

Using a mixer, blend the butter, egg, sugar, and salt together until it is creamy. Add the flour and vanilla and mix using your hands until the mixture holds together in large clumps. If it seems overly soft, add a little extra flour.

Using your hands, press the dough out onto the chilled and ungreased baking sheet until it is even and ¼ inch thick. Dust the top of the cookies evenly with raw sugar.

Bake at 400 degrees until the edges turn a golden brown, about 12-15 minutes. Remove from the oven. Let cool for about five minutes before cutting the cooked dough into squares. Remove the squares from the warm pan using a spatula.

brawltogethernow

So I tried this recipe.

And it is GREAT.

It basically makes the platonic ideal of commercial sugar cookies, only in bar form. When I give them to people (which I do a lot, because this is one of those simple recipes where the results seem very impressive), I just tell them they’re sugar cookie bars.

davetheshady

Life hack: add white chocolate chips and sea salt

mxxnlit-witch

I made these today for the equinox with sea salt caramel chips and they are simply amazing. Let’s see how long they last with six people in the house!

christinaseas

i want to try these

slugbo

@cyber-moth

grandmawitch

Vegan version of my first and moste ancient Ghibli inspired soups.

Heat 3 tbsp olive oil or your preferred cooking oil in a large soup pot. Chop three celery stalks, 1.5 sweet onions, 6 smallish carrots (you can adjust amounts of veggies to your preferences) and sauté for around five minutes or so on medium heat stirring occasionally until the onions start to become a little translucent. Add 3 cloves of minced garlic, stir and cook two minutes. Add around 3 cups chopped red potatoes (I really never measure, just use what you’re feeling, I’m estimating I threw about 3 cups in) and cook stirring occasionally 5-7 minutes.

Add 3 tbsp flour, just enough to evenly coat the vegetables and potatoes, cook for another minute stirring it well.

Add six cups vegan ‘chicken’ broth or vegetable broth and bring to a boil.

Once it’s boiling throw in half a pound of gnocci, cook two minutes or until the gnocci start floating to the surface.

Add 1.5 cups unsweetened coconutmilk soup base and one can of corn.

Season with 1 tablespoon dried basil (or more if you like, I tend to go crazy with the basil), 2 bay leaves, a TON of black pepper, and quite a bit of salt because, potatoes.

Turn heat to low and simmer for 10-15 minutes.

ig: granny_witch

It’s even better the next day!

viejospellejos

¿Hay hambre?

Taco edition

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