Toothpick Boys

Lara | 23 | Bi | they/she | Now on main: @hadeswearsprada | I make gifs sometimes |

[hadeswearsprada]

Clone Wars | Bad Batch - Brothers

7.03 // 1.01 1.03

[medusaceratops-deactivated20210]

hi whats your thought on the theory that vader and tarkin were fucking, darth vader expert

first of all, i've BEEN OVER THIS, vader cannot fuck and would not fuck even if he could fuck. i'm sorry to crash all fun but for medical purposes this man is blueballed until death. the suit cannot come off for anything even mildly enjoyable, the only things he is allowed to do while he's not cavorting around creating problems for everyone he meets is float in a small tank like a tortured petsmart betta fish or get scrubbed down like a tortured dog getting groomed at petsmart, if grooming involved robots peeling off the layers of your dying and poorly treated skin like you are a goddamn onion. he has various metal organs and a giant chestplate that plugs into him and it is not at all feasible to sex with, because there's literally not a position he can be in ever, at any point in time, that isn't so immediately painful death would be preferrable, and that kind of kills your sex drive.

you know what also kills your sex drive? your wife, when she's dead. remember that time anakin and padme being horny indirectly led to anakin losing all of his limbs and getting toasted at a cool 666 degrees? vader does. fucking, even if he could, would make him incredibly miserable because he is a sad and also miserable sack of shit. i think he's also personally deranged enough to consider that having sex with anyone even 10+ years after his wife died is cheating on his dead wife, and would, thusly, slaughter anyone who was stupid enough to fuck around and find out, because he was a married man fifteen years ago and this offends him. he may have murdered children and choked his wife but he is FAITHFUL and do not question his weird leaps in logic. this man is on narcotics designed by sith lords, he is, at best, marginally sane, and equal in mental stability to a rodeo bull, if you fed a rodeo bull a bucket of tequila and then a bucket of red bull and started hitting it with an electric cattle prod. point being, you should not be surprised when it decides to pulverize you into a fine fleshy gravel, like a gritty human smoothie.

i won't weigh in on tarkin. tarkin's got some weird motherfucker vibes and maybe he's into it, i don't know. my ability to perceive ridiculousness ends at whatever the fuck is going on with wilhuff tarkin at any given time. if you are going to decide that tarkin somehow, inexplicably finds wheezing very attractive, i insist that you include two pieces of comic canon that will make this decision infinitely hilarious. one, that means the time that vader asked tarkin to hunt him for sport, tarkin considered that a date, and i cannot express how funny that is with human words. two, in legends vader killed tarkin's son in an attempt to kill himself by bringing an entire building down over him, which was instead blamed on a third party. "sorry i killed your son in my attempted-suicide-by-collapsing-cathedral" and "lads is it flirting if he asks you to stalk him through the wilderness and kill him" can and should coexist in the same dynamic if you're determined to spin it this way.

[pieklalat]

An endless stream of self indulgent Boba Fett gifs (1/?)

[knightwayne]

Hey, go on. That’s who you belong with. He’s one of your kind. I’ll see you again. I promise.

THE MANDALORIAN | Chapter 16: The Rescue

[jedi-anakin]

#not this again

THE MANDALORIAN Chapter 16: The Rescue | STAR WARS Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back

[barissoffee]

DARTH VADER in ROGUE ONE: A STAR WARS STORY (2016) LUKE SKYWALKER in THE MANDALORIAN (2020)

[usersukuna]

BOBA FETT in THE MANDALORIAN: Chapter 16 - The Rescue (S02E08)

[gizkalord]

insp.

[captainrexs]

[anakin-skywalker]

LUKE SKYWALKER THE MANDALORIAN | CHAPTER 16: THE RESCUE

[im-solo]

I’m Boba Fett’s whore 😔

[hadeswearsprada]

Boba Fett - The Mandalorian 02x14

[gostaks]

au where when darth vader declares that he’s Luke’s father Luke comes to the (entirely reasonable) conclusion that darth vader and anakin skywalker were married

[tygermama]

“How could you kill your HUSBAND?!” and Luke gets away with his hand because Anakin’s too confused trying to figure out when he and Obi Wan got married and why he’s only learning about it now

[kestis]

anakin: *choking padme on mustafar*

obi-wan appearing:

this guy bothering you queen????

[weirdlandtv]

The weird “Lightman” character, who (unfortunately) was cut from RETURN OF THE JEDI (1983).

[spidermastermind]

Dude I love this guy wtf

[therantygeek]

[bbbbbbbbbbbbbbb-8-deactivated20]

- girls like her // nikita gill // dedicated to @visas-marr