I’m Nothing To Walk On

My name is Jaclyn. I'm 29 and I live in Georgia

[iheartglambert]

[pangur-and-grim]

in a moment, everything can change

[gawayne]

the creature..

[bellicebrainrot]

[unimportant-ramblings]

La Bella Italia is so lucky that they were a coca cola™ restaurant. Imagine if Edward ordered two cokes and the waitress had said "pepsi okay?" He would have started killing. The lady said coke

[humans4vampires]

edward likes taking bella to the meadow because she gets eaten up by mosquitos who then become flying little snackies that edward doubles back for. edward leaps about the meadow snatching them up like a bass jumping from a lake

[pangur-and-grim]

-_- apparently the cut-off for this thing I want to submit to (which closes tomorrow) is 70k words, and I’ve got 67k

I need to think of three thousand words of bullshit to pad this thing. like a chapter where everyone goes for coffee, or something. 

[pangur-and-grim]

okay there are 42 chapters in the book, and dividing 3000 by 42 = ~72

so I’d have to write the chapter titles like this:

Chapter 2: In Which an Elf Is Concussed, but it’s Not Really My Fault Because What Would You Have Done? Would You Not Have Concussed the Elf? No, Of Course You Would Have. We All Would Have Concussed the Elf. Besides Which, I Am Very Sorry for Concussing Her and Will Try to Make Amends Later If She Stops Trying to Kill Me. Also, Her Intent to Kill Me Was a Highly Relevant Factor In My Decision to Concuss Her

[pangur-and-grim]

and who will stop me? God?

[pangur-and-grim]

TWO YEARS LATER! Titan Books is publishing this, and every chapter title takes up a third of the page. god didn’t stop me after all

(you can pre-order here: Barnes & Noble, Books A Million, Amazon.com, Amazon.ca, Amazon.co.uk, Indigo, Waterstones, Forbidden Planet, Bookshop.org)

[lmaonade]

a printer error is an attempt from god to get you to kill yourself but you must be stronger and you must must must beat the printer to death with a large object like object

[maskdoll]

fuck i’m trying to catch all these flies but they think my vinegar is stupid. i have honey also but that’s for me i can’t give them any of that

[iheartglambert]

Adam on TikTok

[coelii]

reblog to give your headache to elon musk instead

[segamascott]

[forsciencejohn]

the year is 2025

scientists are still scrambling to figure out what “zigazig ahh” is so that they can give the spice girls what they really really want

the spice girls are getting impatient

war is upon us

[garcavisconde]

posts that are funnier if u have the dates from posts enabled

[trans-seraphim]

i always click the "track package" button as soon as i get the email. "oh boy i wonder where my package is!" warehouse.

[venerable-thief]

I am a huge fan of retiring to my quarters

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

In this economy you'll be lucky to retire to your nickels

[erinmccomics]

Not to brag but my cats are Artists™

[Medium: Claws on rainbow scratchboard]

Remi works with a hesitant, erratic violence, creating a piece as light and fluffy as she is, and signing her work by hole-punching it with her teeth.

Timmy uses bold, strong lines to evoke some kind of powerful event, echoing his powerful presence and loud voice.

Nubbins, truly inspired, creates a high-energy piece that symbolizes the void where his brain should be, surrounded by chaos and mischief.

Kona, a reclusive avante garde artist, refused to work with me around. Only in quiet solitude did she create this haunting, introspective work.

[im6-3babywithbootson]

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[junglejim4322]

Straight guys who use tumblr are the funniest people ever literally how did you end up here

[missingno7007]

Dei hire