like six am and your hands are shaking before youāre even out of bed and youāre already thinking of all the things that could go wrong today, all the things that you know will. you sit up and your spine cracks twelve times and you try to wrap your mind around another year of this and youāre choking before youāve even caught your breath.
like eight am and you wish you were back in bed and the whole world is already too heavy, your shoulders canāt bear this weight. you never asked to be atlas, all bruised back and trembling legs, you just wanted to be sixteen and carefree but thereās something holding you back still, you are flightless, a bird with broken wings.
like noon and your stomach is too full of butterflies to even dream of eating, youāre choking on the whole damn world and you havenāt been hungry in so long but you forced yourself to eat dinner last night. like hey, itās the little victories, like hey, i havenāt cried yet, like hey, maybe iām getting there, maybe iām getting better.
like six pm and youāre so much worse, you were a fool for ever hoping for a future when you canāt even grasp the concept of tomorrow, of today, of anything but right here right now with a boulder on your chest, anything other than bruised lungs and splintering ribs, like anything other than this ache, this break, this shatter that youād rather do anything than relive.
like eight pm and the nightās just starting, like thereās still three essays to write, and thereās standardized tests coming up and i guess itās never to early to think about finals and i guess itās never to early to think about college and suddenly everything is happening at once. you are a slave to the clock, tick tock, tick tock, you are just shy of seventeen and your whole life is already slipping away.
like midnight and you are ready to collapse inside yourself, you spent your whole life waiting to burn as bright as the stars but now youāre just a worn-out, dying sun. youāre ready for it all to go dark, and you are torn between relief at the thought of sleep and dread at the thought of the next six am.
theartofmadeline
yousharknotpass
pixelskylines
gracieabrams
germansingergirl
ellievsbear
