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@thorneofbriar
This is the best one
(in case anyone needs context, since i know there's a bunch of younguns who didn't even know the "It's gonna be May" meme... The song playing is NSync's song "It's Gonna Be Me", the guy in the mint green t-shirt is NSync member Lance Bass, and the guy in the pink hoodie is his husband Michael.)
I need to you all to know that the original caption for this is : “POV your friend mispronounces a word once and now it’s a national holiday.”
I fucking hate James Tissot’s paintings because in ALL OF THEM there is ALWAYS someone staring right at you, but it’s not always immediately visible. You just feel watched by this mf. Sometimes the little shit is right there at the centre, but others the bastard is just gazing from the distance, it is CREEPY, my guys
STOP STARING AT ME, THIS IS DISCONCERTING AS FUCK
I think this is hilarious. We’ve been caught.
In James Tissot paintings, art observes you.
in almost every other children's book where the main heroine is swept away to a land of whimsy she's shown having a lovely time; braving dangers occasionally, trying to find her way home, sure, but ultimately delighting in the magic around her. meanwhile alice spends her entire time in wonderland like
look, here’s the thing: alice in wonderland’s enduring fucking charm is that it perfectly captures the vibe of being a very tired and annoyed child who is nonetheless required to play along with adult nonsense.
alice is dragged from place to place without warning, forced to play stupid games with no good prizes, grilled over her schooling and manners and recitation and dress, scolded, judged, insulted to her face, sent away, given gifts she didn’t ask for and doesn’t like, corrected incorrectly, been subject to shifting and arbitrary rules, and then when she gets snappish with all this bullshit everyone acts like a little girl’s temper is the end of the fucking world.
alice in wonderland isn’t a drug trip or a nightmare or a metaphor, that’s just what being ten years old is LIKE. that’s why kids love it so much. even if they can’t quite articulate how, they recognize themselves in it.
I'm gonna go ahead and add - the reaction image is barely even a joke. This is the original illustration of her at the Mad Hatter's tea party.
look at how fucking angry she is
yeah i like to give my blessing to the most pathetic looking weak little knight at the tournament. she can’t even look me in the eye when i give her my flower and she stutters out that she’ll do her best or something of the like. i think its funny when she has to cry and beg my forgiveness and i get to say “such a shame, i suppose my hand in marriage will have to go to someone else…” and then i get to hear her whimper like a dog. ive done this like 6 times alrea-
did she just win.
I shall prepare a stew for the wedding! Extra salt!
wait wait wait stew goblin wait
get ready for the wedding
I absolutely loved the idea of characters hanging out in the Dark Forest/Afterlife so I *HAD* to draw them meeting up.
Would Martin still try to keep his past a secret? Oh absolutely. Will it work? Not with Gonff floating around there!
And yes, while Martin was keeping Noonvale a secret, and not being over what happened, I also believe he didn’t want to tell because Gonff can be very dramatic.
————————
I also drew some very great faces I liked, so enjoy these zoom ins:
The face of mischief
This man shall never know rest, I fear.
Cattish Meowth saves my life…
Let’s not forget to acknowledge Alexandre Dumas this Black History Month
The writer of two of the most well known stories worldwide, The Three Musketeers and The Count of Monte Cristo was a black man.
That’s excellence.
Let’s not forget that he was played on screen by a white man. And the fact that he was black is barely ever mentioned or the book he wrote inspired by his experiences.
Other things not to forget about Alexandre Dumas:
chose to take on his slave grandmother’s last name, Dumas, like his father did before him.
grew up too poor for formal education, so was largely self-taught, including becoming a prolific reader, multilingual, well-travelled, and a foodie, resulting in his writing both a combination encyclopedia/cookbook (which just— is fucking outrageous to me) AND the adaptation of The Nutcracker on which Tchaikovsky based his ballet
he also wrote a LOOOOT of nonfiction and fiction about history, politics, and revolution, bc he was pro-monarchy, but a radical cuss, and that got him in a lot of hot water at home and abroad.
even beyond that, he generally put up with a lot of racist bullshit in France, so he went and wrote a novel about colonialism and a BLATANTLY self-insert anti-slavery vigilante hero (which he then cribbed from to write the Count of Monte Cristo, the main character of which, Edmond Dantés, Dumas also based on himself).
(…a novel which also features a LOAD of PoC beyond the Count, and at LEAST one queer character, btw, bc EVERY MOVIE ADAPTATION OF ANYTHING BY DUMAS IS A LIE; seriously, at LEAST one of the four Musketeers is Black, y'all.)
famously, when some fuckshit or other wanted to come at Dumas with some anti-Black foolishness, Dumas replied, “My father was a mulatto, my grandfather was a Negro, and my great-grandfather a monkey. You see, Sir, my family starts where yours ends.”
for the bicentennial of his birthday, Pres. Jacques Cirac was like, “…sorry about the hella racism,” and had Dumas’s ashes reinterred at the Panthéon of Paris, bc if you’re gonna keep the corpses of the cream of the crop all together, Dumas’s more widely read and translated than literally everybody else.
and they are still finding stuff old dude wrote, seriously; like discovering “lost” works as recently as 2002, publishing stuff for the first time as recently as 2005.
ALSO IMPORTANT:
SWAG
I am absolutely ashamed to admit I had NO idea Dumas was black.
when this post first went around (a year ago apparently) I was like BUT WHAT ABOUT DADDY DUMAS THOUGH because basically
daddy general dumas was an immense fierce french warrior who was a 6 foot plus, stunningly gorgeous and charismatic Black gentleman
he invaded egypt
the native egyptians said “is this napoleon? this must be napoleon. we for one welcome our majestic new overlord”
then napoleon showed up
napoleon has all the presence of yesterday’s plain Tesco hummus
the native egyptians were like “… no… no, we’ve thought very hard and we’ll have General Dumas actually”
this did not make napoleon happy
in fact it made him jealous
napoleon felt so emasculated that he launched a campaign of revenge against General Dumas, including taking away his pension, that probably inspired a lot of Alexandre’s rather satisfying scenes in which fathers are nobly avenged and the money-grubbing villains are rubbed in the mud
I was never taught that he was Black either. WTF.
General Dumas (aka Thomas Alexandre Davy de La Pailleterie) looked like this…
…and like this…
…while “Napoleon has all the presence of yesterday’s plain Tesco hummus“…
:-D
I suspect Alexandre Dumas would have laughed at that, because besides looking like someone who laughed a lot…
…he was also a foodie.
He was also born in present-day Haiti. Back then, it was the French colony of Saint-Domingue.
General Dumas was also the highest ranking officer of African descent to have command of a European army. EVER.
His stuff is in the public domain, you can find them on Project Gutenberg here:
Project Gutenberg offers 73,007 free eBooks for Kindle, iPad, Nook, Android, and iPhone.
And for those of you who would like to try audio versions, this is what is on LibriVox, the free, volunteer run audiobook version of Project Gutenberg:
LibriVox
y'all remember when we glomped?
There was *glomp* then there was "OMG" *tackleglomp* XD :3
An Incomplete List of the Animals my Grandpa brought home over the course of his 67-year marriage to Gandma:
Annabell, a solid white and completely deaf pit bull that used to let mom draw on her belly
The World’s Ugliest Tom Cat, who turned out to be the cuddiest teddy bear of an animal
Cocker spaniel named “Captain”
Stupid, the Cat
Litter of baby raccoons
Three more cats
A completely bald and extremely anxious canary that sang beautifully, but only at 4 AM
Baby Squirrel that grew up in the house and then refused to move out
A Genuine Thoroughbred Racehorse who was a spectacular athelete but had a habit of running races in the wrong direction. Benny turned out to be a terrific trail horse instead.
Turtle
Snapping Turtle
A bucket full of 43 goldfish left over from the fair. Mom counted once they were all in the bathtub in the backyard with the snapping turtle.
Another cocker spaniel named “Major”, who had the tremendous talent of eating green beans silently
Red-tailed hawk he found on the highway, and sucessfully nursed back to health and released.
Dummy, Son of Stupid
Strange, the dog that lived under the porch and only came into the house at night.
An “abandoned” baby deer.
Spooky, an alleged dog.
Joey the parakeet whose tricks were 1. drinking tea out of a tiny cup 2. threatening to peck out people’s eyes 3. wearing hats
A Really Big Toad he found behind the factory, because the other auto workers were discussing using it for target practice. Mr. Grumpity was guardian of the rosebed for several years and granny’s (his mother) favorite animal he ever brought home.
Gretchen, a St. Bernard that had to be shaved from her prior owner’s neglect, and spent a week hiding from sight with such success in the house that they thought she’d run away.
Arson, Burglary and Murder, three frankly adorable little kittens. They did not change the names, much to the regret of the cop who lived three doors down.
Yet another Cocker Spaniel, named “Colonel”
Cardinal (bird)
Canada Goose (Demon)
Once in the nursing home, he had a “pet” 12-point whitetail buck that would come to his window to be fed corn and get headskritches, inexplicably named “Florence”
The marriage only ended because thier time on earth did. He never kept an animal Grandma wouldn’t allow and if anything she was worse about it. She was the one who brought home a tarantula.
Questions from the Notes:
Your grandparents were Druids, right? They were a Steel Worker and Head Clerk at the local grocery store, respectively.
How does a Horse run races the Wrong way? Get near the finish line then make a U-turn becuase he wasn’t done running yet. He was also an excellent jumper and swimming horse. Much happier being a trail horse on Cleveland’s Emerald Belt.
How does a St. Bernard hide in a small suburban house? Clever use of the space behind the couches, under the sink and under beds. For a 110lb animal, Gretchen was also very quiet and knew to wait until the house was empty to move from hiding spaces or to snitch food off the counters. Once her coat grew back in she was willing to be visible again.
The Tarantula Didn’t come froma pet store, did it? You know that stereotype about Tarantuals hiding in Bananas? That used to be a real thing that happened when bananas started being regularly available in Postwar mass market grocery stores. Not very often, but it did. Grandma found the tarantula in a shipment of Bananas, and being the only non-arachnophobe working in the store, took her home and named her “Carmen Tarantula” after the famous brazilian singer. Geography was not Grandma’s strong point
Carmen Tarantula lived for 3 years and juding by the extremely blurry polaroid in the family albums, was probably a Brazilian Black.
What do you mean Spooky was an “Alleged Dog”? Well, for one thing, she Meowed.
Spooky was a 35lb delicate-limbed dog with owl-like pale green eyes and bat-like ears that was solid black save for a white patch on her chest in exactly the shape of Casper The friendly ghost, which was the only part of her visible when she would roam the halls at night, which is how she got the name.
Spooky was living in the house at the same time as Dummy, Son Of Stupid and another more Prototypical cat named Needles. Dummy would sometimes forget what he was doing and get lost in the house, causing him to mewl pathetically until one of the humans or animals found and escorted him back to more familiar settings. Typically, Needles would meow back at Dummy until she found him.
After three weeks in the house, Spooky could do an astonishingly good Cat’s Meow as well.
Spooky could also open doorknobs, get into the attic which didn’t even have a human entrance, would sit up like a human to eat her dinner or watch TV, and had a peculiar penchant for fishing. Grandpa and Uncle popeye would regularly take her on fishing trips becuase she’d gleefully dive into the lakes and finish bringing the catch in, whether it were lake trout or pike or in one case, a strugeon.
Spooky also LOVED tomatoes. More than anything else in the world. If given a choice between a ribeye and a tomato, Spooky would chose the tomato every time. This only applied to raw tomatoes though, she despised ketchup.
So while very much shaped like one, Spooky gave the distinct impression of something else dressed up as a dog. Whatever she was, she was a loving and beloved companion to the family for 16 years.
If you enjoyed this story, you can check out my #Family Lore tag on my blog, or you can pre-order copies of the Family Lore Book containing many more stories on my Patreon. I am disabled and telling stories online is my primary source of income so if you share these please link back and consider donating to my Ko-Fi or PayPal. Thank you all for your support!
DEFINITELY go read the tag. The stories are incredible! I would straight up read an entire book of them. Repeatedly.
And if you’ve got a buck to spare, drop it in that tip jar.
Appreciate your taletellers, folks. 😊
I’ve only seen this post in screenshots. My day has been made.
i, too, have only seen this post in screenshots….. and the lore about spooky has me thinking: “what if it was a spirit of the fae (or something of the like) who came and chilled with your grandparents bc they took in all the injured, unwanted, supposedly unlovable animals…?”
I’ve known Gallus was an amazing storyteller with a remarkable family for years, but this is the first time I’ve suspected an ancestral connection to Gerald Durrell.
Yet another epic. :)
I wondered why this was getting notes lol.
Some More animals from my mother’s childhood home:
Nickel and Dime, the bait fish that lived in a teapot
Susan, the rat snake
Susan 2 or “Twosan”, also a rat snake but may have also been the same rat snake but bigger.
The cats Smoke and Fire, so named because: 1. They were gray and orange, respectively 2. Fire was blind and navigated the house by following Smoke around, so literally, wherever there was Smoke, there’s Fire.
A Goldfinch that moved into the Canary’s cage after he passed away and it was put outside one day during housecleaning
A flying squirrel
After my Grandparents moved to a nursing home, Grandpa had a “pet deer” that was a wild whitetail buck who would come up to the window of their room for carrots and head skritches, despire everyone telling Grandpa NO!!
The Woodcock That Lived Under The Oak Tree. several attempts were made to name it but the next time it came up in conversation, everyone forgot what they had agreed to call it, so it became The Woodcock That Lives Under The Oak Tree.
Romaine, a frog they found in a head of lettuce
A Cow, briefly
Apparently Strange The Dog had puppies at some point and they managed to find homes for Weird, Odd, and Bizarre, but they decided to keep Queer, which was a real funny animal to stand in the street calling in for dinner.
At least 17 Bullfrogs, all named “Dog”
Skittles the Pony who had a penchant for swimming in the local lake and biting pieces out anyone who wasn’t paying enough attention.
Honorable Mention:
The first Dog my mom got was “Cops” a beautiful 120lb purebred German Shepherd who had flunked out of the police K9 academy.
Cops HAD been doing very well at Bite Training, except that being A Creature of Profound Intellect and Sound Philosophy, Cops had assumed that the purpose of biting was to get the guy who was shouting and behaving aggressively to stop. So the first time he was told to Chase Down A Fleeing Suspect (the guy in the bite suit, sprinting away) Cops correctly decided that the man screaming at him to bite someone who was actively leaving the confrontation must be the aggressor, and promptly bit his handler in the dick.
Being that he was entirely too morally upstanding for police work, Cops was surrendered to the local animal shelter as my mother arrived to adopt a dog.
She expressed an interest, was told why he washed out and “He’s got a mean streak a mile wide- A little lady like you wouldn’t be able to control him.”
My mother, 4'11 and the former Ohio State Weight Lifting Champion, looked down at this gentle soul and promptly scooped him up into her arms on his back like an infant, where he was thrilled to remain, tail wagging, for the rest of the adoption process.
Cops was my mother’s loyal guardian, and largely aloof to politely hostile to nearly every man my mother brought home, which tended to end romantic relationships. Until one night when she brought a former ESL teacher turned computer programmer she’d been seeing home for a drink and when she came back from the kitchen with the bottle of wine, Cops had climbed into the man’s lap on the couch and rolled on his back while the man goo-goo’d over him like an infant.
“That’s when I knew it was serious.” She told me, much later. “I hadn’t made up my mind about marriage at that point, but I knew I wanted children, and that I wanted him to be your father.”
—
I still make my living telling stories on the internet, so if you want to support my Ko-fi or Patreon, I’d be very grateful.
Found old photos of some of these!
This is my great grandmother with Spooky the alleged Dog and Dummy, son of Stupid.
This is also my great grandmother (mother of the man who kept bringing animals home) and one of her “pet birds” because she would just have wild birds from outdoors decide they wanted to be her friend and just. Land on her hands when she whistled for them.
And this is my Dad with Cops. You can see why his displeasure with Mom’s previous suitors tended to put a damper on romance.
Happy Holidays from the Holiday Boar
Christmas/Holiday Boars have always been a thing but it still blows my mind that people choose my Holiday Boar to celebrate. Thank you for all the love, Stay safe and Happy Holidays!
little okami holiday thingy
when a cultural activity easily allows you to let small children participate
alternatively, a child dragon being greeted by the clan
The gather to meet the youngling
Have y'all ever seen that video of elephants in a sanctuary absolutely booking it across the enclosure to meet the New Baby, because
I love how they're clearly walking in formation until one of them sees the baby dragon and then they immediately all run over.
Ebenezer Scrooge: Goes outside
500 Muppets: There goes Mr Asshole! There Goes Mr Bitch!
I realized I hadnt posted the birth of the sun here, the very beginning of the Celestial Somebody story! The first few pages are very scruffy and the colours change midway lol.
Welcome to the Universe, Sun!
WDW got a new nighttime parade, and naturally Cinderella got the best dress for it 😌
