J: “Okay, so we’ve got another Yahoo from- BOOP BOO-BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOO-BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOO-BOOP BOOP”
J: That’s right, it’s a Haunted Doll Watch; I know I’ve been talking about retiring this bit forever but ladies and gentlemen-”
J: “-even though it’s in its sunset years, Haunted Doll Watch is-”
T: “No, Justin, that’s another-”
J: “-Haunted Doll Watch is- it’s always time for- see, haunted dolls never go out of style-”
J: “-extremely fashionable, haunted dolls, there’s clearly a market- this one comes to us from an overseas seller, the listing is in- jolly old Brrrrritish Pounds-”
T: “Justin, I love you, but that was the worst-”
G: “-the best British accent anyone has ever done including all actual British people, can we please move on to the doll-”
J: “-seller ‘TMI Artifact Storage’ appears to be some sort of haunted artifact wholesaler, y’know, one of those places that acts like they just happen to come across so many haunted artifacts that they just need to-”
T: “They just need to get rid of ‘em all!”
G: “For many, many dollars, get rid of these real haunted items. Please. I need these gone but also I have a wife and kids who are starving-”
T: “It’s a starvation curse from all these haunted artifacts-”
J: “So- no, see, they’re selling these things on behalf of other people, is the idea, they- it’s more of a resale shop, I guess, they come with these statements from-”
G: “So- wait. There’s a store, where you can go, if you have a haunted doll-”
J: “A haunted anything, the next item in the lot is a haunted calliope-”
T: “I thought it was pronounced ‘cal-ee-OH-pee’.”
J: “This isn’t Haunted Calliope Watch, Trav, I’m trying to get to the-”
G: “-you can go to this store if you have a haunted ass, and you can sell your haunted ass to the store and now it’s not your problem-”
J: “Yes, I believe that to be the case.”
T: “Oh, ‘Doctor, my ass is haunted!’ ‘Well, I know just the place to sell your ass’-”
G: “Okay, say a haunted toilet brush-”
J: “Haunted Doll Watch, please let me get on with the listing. Statement comes from Leanne Denikin, regarding an antique calliope organ she possessed briefly in August 2004.”
G: “Juice, you just said it’s not-”
J: “Okay okay okay. Strange music, yada yada yada, creepy clown, okay, something something, here’s the doll… sending you a picture of the doll…”
J: “This haunted doll is named Josh, and-”
G: “Your fucking haunted-ass doll that you’re selling on eBay to spook people out is named-”
J: “Yes, his name is Josh! Josh is a tormented spirit of the seller’s ex-boyfriend, who was brutally murdered in an unsolved-”
T: [still wheezing] “Please, he’s-”
G: “You’re SELLING your BOYFRIEND’S GHOST on eBAY?!”
G: “Your boyfriend was brutally murdered and you sold the doll containing his immortal soul to a resale shop and then they SOLD IT ON eBAY?!”
T: “No, it’s a scam, see? That’s the beauty of it! You disrespect his ghost like that, what’s he gonna do? He’s gonna come back and haunt you!”
T: “You sell the doll, it comes back to exact vengeance, you sell the doll again- it’s infinite free money!”
G: “Infinite free money that will eventually get angry enough to succeed at killing you.”
J: “Says ‘Josh is a nervous spirit who will-”
T: “The Prestige, Griffin! But- hey- I’ve got an idea right here.”
G: “Trav, tell me you’re not gonna-”
T: “If it’s trapped on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean-”
J: “If it’s trapped on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean then what?!”
T: “Buy It Now, two hundred and three BrrrrrrRRRRrrrRRRRRrrrrRRrrrritish pounds-”
G: “You bought this lady’s boyfriend off eBay?!”
J: “That’s not the problem-”
G: “Trav, we can’t just do this for every haunted doll-”
J: “-the problem is two hundred pounds is like, four hundred dollars US-”
T: “Not since Brexit it ain’t! That was 265.41 plus shipping!”
G: “Okay, so imagine the extra shipping costs when the package escapes to hunt down his human trafficking ex-girlfriend-”
T: “Doll trafficking. Ghost trafficking. We’ve been over this, it’s not-”
G: “Yeah, you’re going to die-”
J: “Okay, we’ll get back to this Haunted Doll Watch when Travis ends up with his jaw mysteriously torn off or something- Griffin, can we please get a Yahoo?”
G: “Thank you. This one was sent in by Level 9000 Ya-drew Druid Drew Davenport, it’s from Ya-drew Answers user MBlackwood, asking… ‘coworker keeps recording all our conversations, how do i make him stop’…”
