"It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times" 40-something disaster zone living her blurst life in the Great White North... Simpsons, Rhett and Link, MST3K (she/her)
no matter how terrible my day is. i can always end my day in bed imagining fictional characters making out sloppy style and fucking raw. and that's beautiful. there's some good in this world mister frodo and it's worth fighting for
ok ok ok so I KNOW we’ve all been reeling over this moment in today’s episode, but I just cannot stop looking at Link gagging on the corn dog.
Why is he attempting to deep throat it? He’s even told Rhett in the past that not everything needs to be deep throated!
Why is Rhett coaching him through it? As if there’s not an ENTIRE crew and production team watching?!
WHY ARE LINK’S EYES CLOSED SO TIGHT?!
Why does he instinctively check in with Rhett as he places his hand on his to gain some leverage over the corn dog?
Why can I hear the POP SOUND AS LINK REMOVES THE CORNDOG FROM HIS MOUTH, LIKE HE WASNT JUST SWALLOWING AN ENTIRE SCHLONG
WHY Y’ALL—
I slowed down the gif so you could see the chaos in slow motion, without missing the sweet panic of having something long and thick hitting the back of his uvula.
(Inspired by this morning’s episode of GMMore, @fanbabble requested a fic where Rhett talks about his penis until Link can’t take it anymore.. and this is what I came up with. I apologize for the formatting if it looks wonky. Tumblr won’t let me fix it.)
Rhett walks into the office and takes a seat at his desk, turning his chair around to face Link’s side of the room.
“You wanna talk about penises?”
Link spins around to face him. “What?”
“Penises. You wanna talk about them?”
“Shut up, man.”
“I’m just sayin’,” Rhett grins, “you get all worked up when I mention penises. Maybe talkin’ about penises would help.”
(Written for @imincognitohere who requested Rhink & Will, and who has been so very patient waiting for this fic.. 😘)
*
The armchair is rough against his bare skin, but Rhett hardly notices. His eyes are focused on the bed. And Link on his back.
And Will.
Rhett’s tried not to let jealousy get the better of him. He’s bitten down every protest, held back every possessive instinct that’s made him want to smack Will’s hands off Link, or once – when they’d first got started and Will actually kissed Link on the mouth – to punch him right in the face.
Because Link is into it. Like, really into it. From the moment Will reached for him and slowly undid the buttons on his shirt Link’s been silent, and pliant, and just going with whatever Will suggests – as if he’s in a trance.
Rhett had watched while Will unzipped Link’s jeans, and encouraged him to get on the bed, leaned over him, kissed him, touched him, until Rhett finally took a few steps back, separating himself from it because he was feeling like a third wheel. When his calves bumped the armchair in the corner he’d let himself fall into it, resigning himself to just sitting back and watching.
“Post a screencap of your lock screen photo, a screencap of the last/current song you listened to, as well as the last photo of a celebrity that you saved in your phone.”
🏷️: @memzhay @lallyloo @kaluwa-del-conte @theredquilt and/or whoever wants to put themselves on blast 😝
(I wrote this a long time ago for @imincognitohere who is the only one who's ever read it.. but the Alex posts today made me think I should share it.. Awkward excitable hookup ahead.. Contains hints of future Rhink if you squint)
Link looked good.
So good.
Like, clearly, obviously good.
The entire crew knew it.
Rhett probably knew it, although he’d never admit it.
And with the way he moved, Link clearly knew it too.
He looked fucking sexy, really, if Alex was being honest with himself.
So he couldn’t help it when he found himself gazing at Link and the compliment just slipped out.
“God, you look nice..”
He’d looked to Rhett immediately because there was no way the big guy wasn’t going to be jealous over it. It was a bit of a joke amongst the crew – how jealous Rhett got over anyone paying attention to Link. Anyone, meaning.. men, specifically.
It was clear that Rhett had a thing for his friend and business partner, and Link probably had a thing for him too, but they both seemed too clueless – or too stubborn – to see it or admit to it.
But Alex figured it was only a matter of time before they did something about it.
He wasn’t really looking for a thing with Link. Sure, he’d go with him during the apocalypse, but the chance of that actually happening was small. And Alex was mostly into the ladies anyway. This particular attraction was very Link-specific. And Link was his boss. It wasn’t realistic to expect anything long term, or anything at all really..
But when Alex gave the compliment, Rhett just kept talking about hoodies as if he didn’t even notice. And Alex did his best to keep his eyes on the monitor, but Link had turned to him, looking pleased, and he’d opened his collar like he wanted to show off a little.
Alex grinned again, and couldn’t help but breathe out “My god.”
He squirmed in his seat, and he knew it was likely visible to everyone watching, but in that moment he didn’t really care. Link was showing off for him, and Alex couldn’t wipe the smile off his mouth
He knew Link liked to be complimented, he knew Link liked to show off, and Alex knew that was probably the ticket. He’d just have to get in there before his other boss got a fucking clue and stepped in first. Hell, if anything was going to get the ‘Link is hot’ gears in Rhett’s brain turning, surely it would be those fucking body chains..
But the shoot ended and Rhett was nowhere in sight.
So, as the crew moved out, and things shut down and lights were turned off, Alex offered to go with Link and help him take off the chains.
Link was still in his shirt, and he unbuttoned it as they walked and shrugged it off – slipping it from his shoulders, down his arms, and Alex grabbed the shirt before it fell to the floor and tucked it under his arm.
Alex wasn’t sure if the stripping was for his benefit, or just something Link did without thinking. The man could be a bit of an exhibitionist at times, so no one would likely bat an eye at Link walking through the studio in next to nothing.
The body chain made a quiet little jangly sound as they walked, and Alex couldn’t help reaching a hand over and touching it gently.
“You seriously look good..”
Link glanced over at him and gave him a pleased smile, “Yeah?”
“Yeah, man..”
Link looked down at the body chain, fingering over it as they walked. “Rhett said it was for a woman..”
“Aw, he’s just bein’ a–” Alex stopped himself because he was still talking to his boss about his other boss. “I mean, I can’t imagine any woman lookin’ better than you do in that.”
“Really?”
"Yeah, dude.” Alex ran his fingers down the gold chains on Link’s chest, touching a little too close to one of his nipples. “Seriously.”
He swore he could hear a soft hitch in Link’s breathing, but Link seemed otherwise unfazed by it – he just changed course, and Alex followed.
"Have to grab some script notes,” Link explained, opening the door to Stevie’s office and rifling around on her desk for a moment.
The room was dim, and Alex stayed by the door. He knew Link was technically above Stevie in the hierarchy, but he was more afraid of Stevie’s wrath than Link’s, and he wasn’t going to play any part in messing up her desk while she wasn’t in the office.
After a moment, Link seemed to find what he was looking for and he turned back towards the door, meeting Alex there. For a second, Alex didn’t move, forcing Link to either ask him to move or squeeze past him.
Link made his decision quickly, squeezing himself between Alex and the door frame, his body pressing up against Alex’s, and fuck, he was tall. Sometimes Alex forgot just how tall Link was because he seemed so small sometimes – likely because he was always next to Rhett, who was some kind of giant.
But Link was tall, and lean, and he currently had Alex crowded against the door frame, and Alex could only choke out “Don’t get your chains caught.”
Link smirked at him and reached a hand between them, trying to keep himself from getting caught up on Alex’s shirt. It was useless, though, as he snagged on one of the buttons, and they spent what felt like ages together in the doorway, trying to free Link from Alex’s shirt.
Alex’s fingers fumbled with one of the dangling chains, trying to figure out how it was looped over, and he could feel his face grow more red as Link just stared down at him.
When Alex finally got it free he let his hand slip from it, dragging his knuckles over Link’s chest and down, over his ribs, before letting his hand fall away. He chanced a glance up at Link then, and Link’s eyes looked dark. Darker than Alex had ever seen them.
"Let’s go,” Link said breathily, breaking away from the doorway, and Alex followed again.
Link looked over at him as they walked, like he was thinking about something, and Alex looked back at him, grinning and raising an eyebrow because he figured it was now or never.
"You wanna..” Link started and Alex nodded, because yeah, he was up for whatever Link was suggesting.
They walked without speaking, and Alex thought maybe they were going to a staff bathroom or one of the back storage areas or something. His dick was already thickening in his jeans, because holy shit, he might be about to.. he wasn’t sure what.. fuck his boss? He had no idea.
But they weren’t going to an out of the way bathroom, or a storage room, Link took them directly to his office and Alex panicked a little as he followed him in and Link closed the door behind them, locking it with a soft click.
"Uhh,” Alex said quickly, “what about Rhett?”
"He’s gone for the day,” Link replied, walking over to his desk and opening a drawer. “Had an appointment to get to.”
Alex glanced around, looking for Rhett’s backpack or any sign that he wasn’t actually gone, or that he might return. “You sure?”
"Yeah man, he won’t be back until tomorrow.”
"I wondered why he left so fast..”
"What?”
"Nothing,” Alex said quickly, not wanting to make Link aware of his suspicions. He didn’t want thoughts of Rhett pulling Link out of.. whatever it was they were about to do.
Link set a little bottle of lube on his desk, and holy shit, yep, they were about to fuck around.
"You keep lube in your desk?”
"Yeah,” Link shrugged, “Wanna be ready.”
Alex didn’t ask what that meant because he was pretty sure it had nothing to do with him. Except right then it did, and jesus, Link was turning around and giving him a look, and Alex couldn’t do anything but rush up closer to him.
He raised a hand, wanting to touch Link again, but he wasn’t sure what the rules were, so he went for the choker first, thumbing over it.
"This heart’s pretty cute,” he said, and god, it sounded stupid, but Link smiled at him, and lifted his chin as if to show it off better.
"What else?”
“These gold chains,” Alex breathed, sliding his thumbs down either side, stopping at Link’s nipples and giving them a gentle rub. “They feel good here?”
Link groaned somewhere deep in his throat, and nodded. “Keep goin’.”
"This part,” Alex said, fingering over Link’s ribs where the chains wrapped around. “Fuck, you’re so skinny, it just fits– ”
"Don’t call me skinny.”
"Fuck, sorry” Alex said quickly, “you’re just so slim.. that better?”
"Yeah.”
"Yeah.. way smaller than me,” Alex breathed. “Fuck, it’s sexy.”
“Stop sayin’ ‘fuck’.”
“Aw fuck, I’m sorry,” Alex said, laughing, because damn, he was an idiot. “You just got me flustered here, man. You look amazing.”
"I know,” Link smirked.
"You know that, huh?”
"Well, yeah,” Link replied, grinning, shaking his hips a little, “Look at me.”
"I’m lookin’!” Alex laughed. “The whole crew was looking at you. Jesus, Link..”
"So what’re you gonna do?”
"Aww,” Alex whined, reaching down to palm himself through his white jeans. “I’m gonna fuck you– I mean, shit, fuck, sorry. I’m gonna bend you over this desk?”
"Yeah, you should probably do that.”
Link was still smirking at him, and oh man, he was lost. If this were a girl in front of him, this is the moment they’d kiss and Alex would use that as a distraction to awkwardly make a bigger move.
But he knew he and Link weren’t going to kiss – that wasn’t what this was – so he had to try a different tactic. He tried to be suave, and he somehow managed it, slipping his hands to Link’s hips and using trembling fingers to unbutton him and unzip, and he could already see the outline of Link’s cock against his tight black pants.
Most of the crew who worked closely with Rhett and Link knew the lore around their sizes. Link was clearly bigger, longer, and less shy about it. Alex knew the Rhett lore too, but his mind wasn’t on that at the moment, his mind was focused on the fact that Link’s cock was inches from his hands, and he was clearly hard, and long, and wanting.
"You should take your shirt off,” Link said, and Alex’s hands moved quickly to fumble with the buttons on his plaid button-up.
"Okay, yeah, I should.”
It was amazing how flustered Link could make him. He was a pretty confident guy, but one look at those blue eyes and he was just a stumbling mess, grinning stupidly, and saying the dumbest shit.
Somehow Alex managed to shake off his shirt, and there they were, half undressed together, and his hands were going back to the chains, and Link was preening under him, smiling and arching his back, and moving his little hips just enough to drive Alex crazy.
Alex’s cock ached, and as Link arched his back and pushed his nipples against his fingers, a spurt of precum slid down his dick. He couldn’t believe he was that hard already – hard enough to be leaking. But fuck, Link was moving against him in that body chain, and Alex knew he needed to get moving before he blew his load in his pants.
Link arched against him again, and it was enough – that was the breaking point. Alex slipped a hand down Link’s trousers, wrapping his thick fingers around Link’s cock and stilling his movements for a moment as Link let out a soft moan.
"You like that?” Alex muttered, still not entirely sure what the hell he was doing, and Link nodded so he slid his fingers down to his cockhead, feeling the slick wetness that was already there. “God, man, you ready for it?”
"Yeah,” Link laughed, and bucked into his hand, and damn, he was long. Just as long as Alex had imagined. Maybe even a bit longer. And holy shit, how did a guy that lithe have a dick that big?
Link bucked again, as if he was trying to get his attention, and Alex’s fingers slipped in the precum leaking from Link’s dick, and holy shit, they were really doing this. He was going to fuck Link, or fuck around with him at least, and Link was going to let him.
Hell, Link wanted it.
Alex suddenly felt more sure of himself than he ever had in his life.
"You look so nice in those chains,” he muttered, trailing a finger along them again. “So fucking sexy, and I’m gonna strip you down and fuck you – don’t care if you don’t like that word.”
Link laughed again, so Alex went for it, forcibly turning Link around and yanking down his pants, boxers and all, and damn, Link’s ass was everything he thought it might be. Smooth and pale, his tan lines stopping right at his cheeks, and Alex could only imagine what Link wore when he sunbathed. A little speedo, maybe. Just barely enough to cover his ass which was so perfectly rounded Alex was sure he was going to nut just thinking about slicking up his cock and burying it between those smooth cheeks.
He reached around Link, grabbing the little bottle of lube from the desk. “You wanna do it right here?”
Link paused for a second, glancing around, and Alex felt like he knew enough about Link to know he was considering the logistics of fucking over his desk and risking getting his laptop and all of his trinkets covered in jizz.
"The couch,” Link replied, grabbing Alex’s hand and pulling him along behind him as he fumbled his way to the couch. It would’ve been comical if it wasn’t so fucking hot. Link, half naked, pants down around his thighs, body chain still taut over his skin, jingling as he moved, and Alex could only watch as Link stripped himself down, kicking his pants off to the side. Alex had said he’d be the one to do it, but he wasn’t going to argue when Link was stripping in front of him.
Link knelt on the couch, positioning himself directly in front of the window. Of course. Alex should’ve known Link would want to be naked in front of a window while getting fucked from behind. It made so much sense.
"Alex,” Link commanded, pulling him out of his own fucking head, and Alex quickly ditched his own jeans, yanking them down with his boxers and tossing them somewhere.
And suddenly he was naked, in his bosses’ office, and holy shit, Link was naked in front of him. Well, not quite naked. He still had on that ridiculous body chain. Alex’s cock leaked again, dripping onto the leather couch, and he really wasn’t sure how long he was going to last.
He realized he needed to move, to do something, before he just blew his load (and with it his one shot at doing something – anything – sexual with Link).
So he stepped forward and slotted himself up behind Link, one foot up on the soft leather, one foot still planted firmly on the floor. He took hold of the body chain, forcefully enough to pull Link upright a bit, but gentle enough not to break it, terrified Rhett would somehow figure out he’d done it, and how.
"God, you look so good in this,” he muttered against Link’s ear, and Link just let out a breath, nodding, and arching back against him again. “You were teasing everyone on set. My dick was so hard when I was sitting next to you.”
"Was it?” Link breathed.
"You know it was,” Alex replied, easing his grip on the chain and moving his hand to his dick. “Man, I could hardly sit still. I was squirming in the chair, looking at you.”
He gripped his cock and slapped it over Link’s ass a couple times. God, he wanted to fuck him, but it didn’t seem possible. There was no way he’d get his dick in Link’s tight hole without nutting immediately. Just thinking about Link’s hole made his dick leak again and he smeared it over Link’s ass, sleek and wet.
"You hard?” Alex asked, just spitting out the thoughts that came into his head. He reached around to check, even though he already knew the answer, and when he gripped Link’s cock again Link thrust into his hand. His head was still wet but the rest was dry and hot, and Alex paused for a second to pop open the little bottle of lube and slick his hand up, reaching around again to give Link a few long slow tugs.
He rested his forehead against Link’s back, between the collar and the body chain, the scapula poking his face with each movement of Link’s body, and he jerked him. He was trying to focus on Link for a moment, trying to ignore his own cock, trying to will it down, trying to make it last.
"Thought you were gonna..” Link stuttered, still fucking into Alex’s hand. “Are you– you gonna– ” His words were broken by each thrust through Alex’s fingers, and Alex could only groan against Link’s back, because he was failing at this.
"I can’t, man,” Alex admitted, “I’m gonna jizz if I try..”
To his relief, Link just laughed.
"Well jizz then! Do somethin’!”
Alex pulled back again, dropping Link’s dick and Link’s hand flew to it, continuing to stroke himself as Alex dripped more lube over his fingers and slicked his own cock.
He took himself in hand, placing his other hand on Link’s hip, his fingertips digging into the soft flesh there, and he groaned as he thought of leaving his mark on Link. Would Rhett ever see it? Would his other boss know he’d been here, touching Link? Jizzing on him?
Aw fuck, Alex’s hips stuttered at the thought, and he dragged his cock over Link’s ass, between his cheeks, teasingly, pretending he was fucking him.
"Yeah,” Link panted beneath him, “do that.. Alex, do that..”
Jesus. His name. His name coming from Link’s mouth, while Alex’s cock was rubbing over his ass.. It was enough to make Alex’s brain shut down, finally, and he felt nothing but relief as he stopped thinking and just started fucking around, rutting, rubbing his cock over Link’s perfect ass.
He pulled one cheek open to get a look at Link’s hole – pretty and flushed and pink – and Alex teased it a little, slapping over it, and he suddenly got brave and slipped in just a bit, just the tip. He fucked Link, just barely, his cockhead moving in and out with a little pop pop pop sound.
"Oh dang..” Link moaned. “Oh ohh.. oh shit..”
Link moaned under him and came, his back arching, his face open, bathed in the late day light from the window as he clenched around Alex’s cockhead. Link stroked himself through it, not seeming to care that he was staining the leather couch with his jizz.
Alex managed to hold on, somehow, waiting until Link was done before he pulled his cock out, gave it two quick ruts between Link’s ass cheeks and came, painting Link’s back in translucent white stripes and spattering over the scapulae and chains.
They didn’t stay that way long. Just enough to catch their breath and for Alex’s brain to return to him, and then they moved, quickly pulling on boxers and pants and jeans, and Link didn’t seem bothered by any of it. If he was embarrassed he showed no sign of it.
So Alex tried to play it cool too, offering to help Link remove the body chain for real, and once they got it off they sat back on the couch and had a good laugh.
“You wanna order pizza?” Link asked, smiling at him.
“Yeah, man.”
Somehow Alex knew that was it. There wasn’t going to be another time. That had been his shot. But it was alright. Link was smiling at him, and he was still employed, and they were getting pizza.
And he was still sure he’d go with Link during the apocalypse.
Our dear, mutual friend @theredquilt asked me if maybe I would want to write something for your birthday. And yeah, I really did. I hope you have a real good one, and that you enjoy what I conjured up in cahoots with trq 😘
Kiss me
Normally, Rhett would sit with his thigh pressed against Link’s, maybe holding hands, or have his arm slung around Link’s shoulders.
But now, he’s on the opposite end of the couch.
“I don’t want to hurt you. What if I forget about your shoulder and like… hug you? Wrap my arms around you and… smush your collarbone and… hurt you?”
Link gazes at Rhett with those beautiful blue eyes, that Rhett get lost in so very often. And he whispers.
“You could never hurt me, Rhett. You know that. Please…” He smiles a little, and Rhett’s heart seems to skip a beat.
He never forgets how beautiful Link is. I mean, how could he? But sometimes he forgets that smile. The one that says that they have a secret that barely no one else knows.
