Incorrect No Jutsu

Naruto incorrect quotes

[incorrect-no-jutsu]

Naruto: What's all that about? You mad at me or something?

Sasuke: I don't know. Did you do something to make me mad? Because then I am. But if you didn't, then I am not.

Naruto: I didn't do anything.

Sasuke: Then I am not mad.

[ASIDE TO CAMERA]

Sasuke: I am mad. Last night, Naruto had a sexy dream about someone. And I know it wasn't about me, because he knows that I hate when men call me baby. And, yes, people are allowed their private thoughts, and I shouldn't be so angry, but I am an Uchiha, so I get to feel whatever I want.

[incorrect-no-jutsu]

Naruto: Okay, listen up, folks. We have a security situation here. As you know, when we reach the location, I will be conducting a security sweep. Also, from now on, we'll be using code names. You can address me as "eagle one." Hinata, code name “Been there, done that." 

Hinata: [blushes]

Naruto: Sasuke is "currently doing that."

Sasuke: [scowls as NARUTO drops a kiss on his head]

Naruto: Sakura is "it happened once in a dream." 

Sakura: [Tries to punch him]

Naruto: Neji, code name: "If I had to pick a jonin.” 

Neji: [Rolls eyes]

Naruto: Shikamaru is…. "eagle two."

Shikamaru: Oh, thank God.

[Later]

Hinata: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Kazekage of the Hidden Sand, Gaara!

Naruto: This is "eagle one," "been there, done that" is leaving the stage. "I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it" is in position.

[incorrect-no-jutsu]

Kakashi: Now Naruto, repeat after me. I Naruto...

Naruto: I Naruto...

Kakashi: Take thee, Hinata...

Naruto: Take thee, Sasuke...

Hinata:

Sasuke:

Everyone Else:

Naruto: Hinata. (Nervous chuckle.) Hinata.

Kakashi: Uhh...Shall I go on?

Sasuke: (To Sakura) He-he said Sasuke, right? Do you think I should go up there?

[incorrect-no-jutsu]

Tobirama: [with his morning coffee] Ah, spring is on its way. Pop music is back. Coffee's almost warm. It's gonna be a good day.

Madara: [Walking in] Good morning, everyone.

Tobirama: [Dumps coffee] Well, try again tomorrow.

[incorrect-no-jutsu]

Naruto: Wow, that was... That was intense. What was that thing?

Sasuke: I dunno what they're called, but the Forest is full of them.

Naruto: Wow! Well, I'm really glad you came along! Thank you! For rescuing me...and for being so beautiful.

Sasuke: What?

Naruto: Brave. *Clears throat* Thank you for being so brave, not beautiful. Wow. Sorry. That was- *Laughs* That was weird. I don't know why I said that. I think some of those-toxins must still be messing with my head, you know? Making me say cuh-razy things. I don't... think you're beautiful. Not that you're ugly! I mean, obviously you're not ugly, I just mean if I had to choose. Y'know? If you put a sword to my head and said "Am I attractive or ugly? Pick one!" Obviously, I'd have to say you're attractive because objectively, that's just fact. But it's not like you're so attractive I can't stop looking at you, y'know what I mean? Am I talking a lot? I feel like I'm talking a lot.

Sasuke: *Unamused* You are.

[incorrect-no-jutsu]

Shikamaru: I’m texting Temari, I’m gonna ask her to dinner. How should I text it, “Let’s get dinner” or “Do you wanna get dinner”?

Ino: Go with, “Let’s get dinner”, so you’re like assertive and confident.

Choji: For sure!

Sakura: Actually now you sound a little aggressive. Cause you don’t wanna be the guy that’s like “LET’S GET DINNER” like you’re some kind of caveman.

Hinata: You are suppose to ask her to dinner, not tell her to dinner.

Shikamaru: Perfect.

Kiba: Actually wait, now you sound kinda like a pussy.

Choji: This is tough.

Tenten: The last thing you wanna be is the overly masculine guy like “LET’S GET DINNER I’M THE BREADWINNER BITCH”.

Naruto: But girls also love assertiveness.

Shino: Say “dinner is something I would enjoy taking you on if you were also interested in attending the meal.”

Naruto: The more words the better.

Rock Lee: No wait, say “I would like nothing more than to take you to the finest restaurant in town for a lovely meal we call dinner.”

Shikamaru: Should I send that in a voice memo?

Sai: Fuck that, say “Dinner tonight, 7PM, take it or leave it, you bitch.” Cause she’s playing games now.

Sasuke: Sign it, seal it, deliver it.

Neji: I don’t know why girls are so difficult all the time.

Shikamaru: I’m not gonna say that.

Ino: Definitely don’t say that.

[incorrect-no-jutsu]

Sasuke: We didn’t even have a proper wedding. We just went down to the courthouse on a Tuesday.

Naruto: The judge sentenced me to life with no chance of parole.

Sasuke: You begged me to marry you.

Naruto: It’s true, I did.

[incorrect-no-jutsu]

Ino: I came back, wearing the perfect disguise to make sure I was never noticed by anyone. Something so drab and uninspiring...

Sakura: This feels like it's going to be a dig on me.

Ino: I wore Sakura’s clothes.

Sakura: There it is.

[incorrect-no-jutsu]

Naruto: No, Shikamaru, this is serious. When that doctor told me I couldn't eat lobster and I did it anyway, it almost killed me. But here's the thing, I never wanted lobster again. So the solution is obvious. The only way to get Sasuke out of my system is to get him into my system, one last time. It's brilliant, right?

Shikamaru: Not brilliant at all.

Naruto: Thanks for being on board.

Shikamaru: Not on board.

Naruto: It means a lot.

Shikamaru: Big mistake.

Naruto: You're my boy.

[incorrect-no-jutsu]

Naruto: Now, stay where you are. Because look at me, I'm confident. You want to watch that, me, when I'm confident. Oh, and this is my friend Sasuke. Nice hair, clever, has his own sword, and unlike me, he really doesn't mind killing people. I shouldn't like that. Kind of do, a bit.

Sasuke: Thank you, Dobe.

Naruto: I know you're team players and everything, but he'll definitely kill at least the first three of you.

Sasuke: Well, the first seven, easily.

Naruto: Seven? Really?

Sasuke: Oh, eight for you, Usuratonkachi.

Naruto: Stop it.

Sasuke: Make me.

Naruto: Yeah? Well, maybe I will.

Sakura: [Captured by the enemy] Is this really important flirting? Because I feel like I should be higher on the list right now.