Incorrect Canucks Quotes

incorrect quotes — vancouver canucks version

[incorrectcanucks]

Submission/request protocol:

Hello! I’ve gotten a few submissions and requests (thank you so much to those who sent them in!), so I thought I’d make a quick summary of how that works on this blog — if you submit under your blog’s name, I’ll credit you in the tags for the post and privately reply to your submission to let you know I’ve received it and to confirm it’ll be posted soon! If you submit anonymously, I’ll add it to my queue (most likely for the next day) and give credit to an anonymous submitter, but I won’t answer the ask since that would have to be publicly posted and would kind of spoil the formatted post to come. The post will still be on its way shortly, though :)

Submissions are always open 🩵

[incorrectcanucks]

Quinn Hughes: I sure am enjoying my second season as captain of the Canucks!

[explosions and screeching tires can be heard in the background]

Quinn Hughes: It’s a big honour—

[whispers about the newest Jim Rutherford quotes start rising in volume]

Quinn Hughes: —to be leading the team this year.

[Elliotte Friedman appears on TV]

Quinn Hughes: No.

[incorrectcanucks]

[Conor Garland and Dakota Joshua are doing something absurdly dangerous]

Conor Garland: I think Houdini did something like this once! Why, if I recall correctly, he was out of the hospital in no time!

Dakota Joshua, deadpan: Well that's encouraging.

[incorrectcanucks]

[Elias Pettersson and Elias Pettersson are chatting near the bench during a break in practice]

Rick Tocchet: Can I get Pettersson over here to look at this defensive tactic Quinn is demonstrating?

Elias Pettersson, the forward: [skates over with a happy look on his face]

Rick Tocchet: Sorry, Petey, I should’ve clarified — I meant the defenceman.

Elias Pettersson, forward: But you said it was to work with Quinn.

Elias Pettersson, forward: I want to work with Quinn :(

[incorrectcanucks]

I have to be honest guys, I haven’t posted in days because I was so afraid that a trade would happen..and now that nothing has happened since I’ve posted, I’ve been too afraid to do so in case it triggers a trade 😭 (am I superstitious…maybe. Unfortunately. Probably). Gonna bite the bullet and resume my normal schedule tomorrow, but nobody can blame me if #it happens!

[incorrectcanucks]

Jake DeBrusk: Man, I only ever see you awake, do you ever shut down or stop running?

Quinn Hughes: Oh, I’m always running.

Quinn Hughes: The question is from what.

[incorrectcanucks]

Quinn Hughes: Schrödinger’s cat is overrated. If you wanna see something that’s both dead and alive you can talk to me any time of the day.

[incorrectcanucks]

Conor Garland, after the Canucks went down 3-0 to the Kings: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.

Quinn Hughes: I think you mean cards.

Conor Garland, pulling a knife out: I do not.

[incorrectcanucks]

Elias Pettersson: [lets out a heavy sigh]

Brock Boeser: You okay, Petey?

Elias Pettersson: You know. [gestures vaguely]

Brock Boeser: [trying to look sympathetic but is also wildly confused]

Quinn Hughes: [emphatically nods in agreement with Pettersson]

[incorrectcanucks]

Elias Pettersson: This is such a bad idea.

J.T. Miller: Then why are you coming along?

Elias Pettersson: One of us need to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.

[incorrectcanucks]

[Elias Pettersson, Quinn Hughes, Brock Boeser, Thatcher Demko, and J.T. Miller are doing an escape room]

Quinn Hughes: Okay, so first, we should try to get into this locked box. Petey, go look through that notebook for clues. Demmer, see if you can figure out what the chessboard means. Millsy, don’t yank that picture off the wall — remember what the employee said. Brock… wait, what are you doing?

Brock Boeser, unlocking the box: I found this key inside the desk drawer.

[incorrectcanucks]

[Elias Pettersson and Brock Boeser are sitting in jail together]

Elias Pettersson: So who should we call?

Brock Boeser: I’d call J.T., but I feel safer in jail

[incorrectcanucks]

[Conor Garland and Dakota Joshua are watching a player on the other team yell at the referee]

Dakota Joshua: This is bad.

Conor Garland: I know. I wish we had popcorn.

[incorrectcanucks]

[the Canucks are stuck in Carolina due to the weather]

Nils Höglander, looking outside: This is nothing. Once, when I was growing up, we had a snowstorm so bad that we couldn’t leave the house for days. My neighbour and I tried to go get some firewood for when the heat stopped working, but we couldn’t find any trees. Just snow.

Jake DeBrusk: Dude, I don’t believe that. Petey, do you believe that?

Elias Pettersson, shuddering: You couldn’t pay me to live in the village that Höggy grew up in.

[incorrectcanucks]

[Rick Tocchet is explaining something while writing it on the whiteboard during practice]

Elias Pettersson, leaning over: What is he saying?

Brock Boeser, slightly panicked: I was going to ask you to explain it to me before we started the drill!

[incorrectcanucks]

Nils Höglander: A theif.

Elias Pettersson: Thief?

Nils Höglander: Theif.

Elias Pettersson: I before E, except after C.

Nils Höglander: Thceif.

Elias Pettersson: No.

[incorrectcanucks]

Elias Pettersson watching the Canucks lose, repeatedly, from the press box while he was injured: Is that really what we look like?! All the time?