Harry Potter Quotes

just let me replace J.K. Rowling. Please. We do not need her

[naidje]

From episode 225 of Adam Conover's Factually podcast

[gingehh]

[incorrecthogwartsquotes]

Hufflepuff: Guess what?! I just bought galaxy cat undies!

Slytherin: So what you're saying is, you have a stellar pussy.

Hufflepuff: ...

[echoarts03]

Harry Potter Headcannon #1

The heads of the 4 Hogwarts houses call their students by their house mascots.

Minerva: I refuse to let my young Lions get into any more danger then they already have-!

Severus: My young snakes, today we will be learning about the most dangerous potion of all: Shampoo.

Pomona: My dear badgers, how sweet it was of you to help me prepare for todays class-!

Fillius: My eagles are the smartest of them all, Albus. I can assure you none of them will get into any unnecessary trouble-!

Albus: We all know that is a lie, Flitwick.

[incorrecthogwartsquotes]

Hufflepuff: I've got a plan

Ravenclaw: What is it?

Hufflepuff: The plan is you come up with a plan, because I haven’t got one.

[incorrecthogwartsquotes]

Hufflepuff: Hey, have you written your letter to Santa yet?

Slytherin: No... Santa isn’t r-

Ravenclaw, bursting through the door: rEADY TO ACCEPT LETTERS AT THE MOMENT

Hufflepuff:

Hufflepuff: Oh okay, that makes sense. I gotta go! See you guys later

Slytherin: What was that all about?

Ravenclaw: We haven’t told them yet

[incorrecthogwartsquotes]

Hufflepuff: I will put ‘A’ down to make ‘A’

Gryffindor: I will add onto your ‘A’ to make ‘AT’

Slytherin: I will add onto your ‘AT’ to make ‘RAT’

Ravenclaw: I will add onto your ‘RAT’ to make ‘BIOSTRATIGRAPHIC’

Slytherin: [flips over board]

[incorrecthogwartsquotes]

Waitress: What would you like to have?

Gryffindor: Bring a butterbeer with two straws

Ravenclaw: [blushes]

Gryffindor: [both straws in mouth] Look how fast I can drink this!

[incorrecthogwartsquotes]

Hufflepuff: Why are people so afraid of being gay?

Ravenclaw: Social stigma

Hufflepuff: What's stigma?

Gryffindor: Stigma dick in ya arse lmao gottem

[echoarts03]

Harry Potter Headcannon #1

The heads of the 4 Hogwarts houses call their students by their house mascots.

Minerva: I refuse to let my young Lions get into any more danger then they already have-!

Severus: My young snakes, today we will be learning about the most dangerous potion of all: Shampoo.

Pomona: My dear badgers, how sweet it was of you to help me prepare for todays class-!

Fillius: My eagles are the smartest of them all, Albus. I can assure you none of them will get into any unnecessary trouble-!

Albus: We all know that is a lie, Flitwick.

[incorrecthogwartsquotes]

Slytherin: I don’t need friends they disappoint me

Gryffindor:

Slytherin:

Gryffindor: Wanna go out and—

Slytherin: Oh my fucking god yes please I’m so lonely holy shit

[echoarts03]

The Teachers Lounge

McGonagall: *walks into the teachers lounge* Potter just told the whole school that he’s dating Draco Malfoy-! Can you believe it?! I thought those 2 hated eachother-!

Everyone: *silent & hesitant*

Filch: Alright, Albus, a deals a deal. Everyone pay up.

*Snape, Filch, and Binns all put their bet of 5 Galleons on the table in front of Dumbledore*

McGonogall: *pinches the bridge of her nose* I cannot believe you, gentlemen-!

[incorrecthogwartsquotes]

Ron: It's really muggy out today.

Ginny: I swear to God, if I go outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn, you're dead.

Ron: *sips coffee from a bowl*

[incorrecthogwartsquotes]

Ravenclaw: You all are not.

Slytherin: Y'all ain't.

Gryffindor: YAINT.

[incorrecthogwartsquotes]

Seamus: I’ve got this completely under control.

McGonagall: Is that why everything is on fire?

[incorrecthogwartsquotes]

Hufflepuff: can i say a bad word

Hufflepuff: CAN I SAY A BAD WORD

Ravenclaw: Yeah

Hufflepuff, to Gryffindor: YOU MOTHERFUCKING BITCH

[incorrecthogwartsquotes]

Ravenclaw: Gryffindor, we need to talk about your professionalism.

Gryffindor [standing on chair]: Those are some mighty brave words for a guy standing in lava

[incorrecthogwartsquotes]

Ravenclaw: Since I'm going to be gone for awhile, I've left a complimentary bowl of advice.

Ravenclaw: [picks one paper out of the bowl] For instance, "Gryffindor, stop doing that" just applies to everything.