whoops

things my characters and their friends have most definitely said at one point

[incorrectshea]

Cas: I convinced Mystic Grill I was allergic to Windex so I wouldn’t have to do cleaning at the end of the night.

Penny: God, Jesus, I’m glad you’re my brother.

Cas: Yeah, so it would be the end of the day and -

Penny: I’m, I’m glad you’re my brother, Cas, and that you’re not working against me in some way. With strategies like that, I’m glad you’re on my side and not an opponent of some sort.

Jake: I managed to convince them for a year that I didn’t know how to vacuum. No one was gonna take that last half hour to teach me, and it made for pretty chill evenings.

Penny: Nice.

[incorrectshea]

I’m at a point where I just don’t fucking care about anything. Nickleback’s 'Photograph' came on the radio and I didn’t change the station. Just sat there and listened to fucking Nickleback. Who gives a shit. We’re all going to die anyways.

Cas Sullivan

[incorrectshea]

Tatum: What is your favorite witch swear?

Ivy: Is...

Penny: Is there any context?

Piper: Of course not.

Ivy: Witch swear, huh...

Cas: Oh... I think I really like "fuck."

[incorrectshea]

Yesterday at Target the cashier said ‘your receipt is in the bag’ and I responded with ‘you too’ so I’ve been dealing with that for the past 18 hours but I’m slowly coming to terms with it which is cool.

Ben Parrish, Human Disaster 

[incorrectshea]

Izzie: How's the most beautiful girl in the world doing?

Nova: [ without looking up from her book ] I don't know... how are you doing?

Izzie:

Izzie:

Nova: [ looking over the back of the couch] Did you just faint?

[incorrectshea]

Evan: [ hugging Jake ] Let's get married.

Jake: What was that?

Evan: What?

Jake: You said something.

Evan: I didn't hear what you said.

Jake: No, you said- you said something.

Evan: ... No.

[incorrectshea]

Maia: What are you, three?

Cas: On a scale of one to ten, yeah.

Maia:

Cas:

Maia:

Cas:

Maia:

Cas: I have self-worth issues.

[incorrectshea]

Cas: I didn't find that theory very compelling...

Tatum: I thought that was compelling... Unless they lied.

Cas: You think a lot of things are compelling.

Tatum: I found that very compelling! Go fuck yourself, have a nice day.

Cas: Alright.

[incorrectshea]

Ben: And now for a gay update with Nova.

Nova: Getting gayer.

Ben: Thank you Nova.

[incorrectshea]

At 3 am, while probably drunk:

Piper: I have one to suggest, how about this-

Tatum: Heyyy, alright!

Piper: Twenty-raven-teen: We've all got ravens.

Cas: Hmm. HMMMM.

Piper: Now, here's the thing about it, is, by the end of the year, everybody's got a... sort of pet raven. Everybody's got a raven.

Tatum & Maia: Everybody's got ravens!

Maia: I like it, and I'll tell you why, they got long, smooth beaks.

Piper: Mmhm, mmhm.

Tatum: Now, the problem is going to be educating the masses about the difference between ravens and crows, because I think that's a very common issue with me, and everybody else.

Cas: Well, it's actually pretty easy to tell the difference? If you see a crow you think "there's a black bird," if you see a raven you think "oh god... something's terribly wrong."

[incorrectshea]

I feel a really deep kinship with bees. They like flowers, they bump into things a lot. If they try to fight someone, they literally die. There is honestly no difference between myself and a bee.

Izzie Parrish

[incorrectshea]

Izzie: He's afraid of raccoons.

Ben: Because they're terrifying, and wear little masks.

[incorrectshea]

Tatum: Cas is very pretty.

Matt: [ nonchalantly but unconvincingly ] Is he?

Tatum: You know he is, darling. Be careful there.

[incorrectshea]

Cas: I have Spotify open right now on your computer. Do you want me to put you on blast? Because I got your history right here in the sidebar.

Cas: [ growing increasingly angry ] Take it Back by Jimmy Buffett, Nautical Wheelers by Jimmy Buffett, Jolly Mon Sing by Jimmy Buffett, Steamer by Jimmy Buffett, Treat Her Like a Lady by Jimmy Buffett, When Salome Plays the Drum by Jimmy Buffett, Havana Daydream by Jimmy Buffett!!

Cas: [ shouting ] WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU?! ARE YOU HAUNTED? ARE YOU FUCKING POSSESSED? YOU USED TO BE MY BROTHER!

Jake: I had a case of the Mondays!

[incorrectshea]

Cas: Sharp work, samurai.

Matt: Holy shit I'm gay

Cas: What

Matt: What

Tatum: Oh my fucking god

[fohxolecourt]

tatum: all right, check behind the shelves and shit.

cas: why?

tatum: in scooby-doo, secret tunnels are always behind shelves. there’s gonna be one.

piper: could we not base our decisions on what does and doesn’t happen in episodes of scooby-doo?

[fohxolecourt]

tatum: if i run and leap at cas, he will almost certainly catch me in his arms.

tatum: coming in!

tatum: [runs at cas]

cas: NO! I’M HOLDING COFFEE!

cas: [drops his coffee on the floor and catches tatum]