oftentimes it’s his hand (singular btw) wrapped around both of your wrists that are hoisted above your head as he works his magic with his hips, or simply holding your head down firmly as you gagged around his cock, with a soft contrast of him stroking your hair lovingly.
he’s a hole inspection lover (!!) his thumb would press down lightly on your hole, being careful to not insert it, watching your arousal ooze out around his thumb. would use his pointing finger and his middle finger in a v shape to spread you open, cooing and teasing you about how “hannie won’t fit”. he’d also spit directly onto your cunt just to see it drip down your folds, collect it all with his three fingers in a scooping motion and use it as a lubricant to rub messy circles on your clit.
he loves seeing you taste yourself. after prodding and curving his fingers just the way he knows you like it, he’d bring his middle finger and ring finger up to your chin, and tap your bottom lip as a sign for you to open up your mouth. his pupils will darken and dilate as he watched your tongue swirl around, your mouth sucking and drooling around his digits. the pure thought of your arousal and his saliva mixed with your own now, would leave him slightly lightheaded. he’d slide his fingers our of your mouth in one swift motion, then bring it to his own mouth with a “mm” sound, savouring the milky, slightly tangy, taste.
jeonghan knew that his love for fucking you in public places could not coexist with his love of hearing your angelic moans. instead, he has grown a separate love for covering your mouth, choking you, or even pinching your nose with his slender fingers to ensure no sound escaped from you as he pistoned his hips. his hand did not only cover your mouth though; he could practically cover the whole entirety of the lower half of your face, leaving you squirming for breath. he loved this though—knowing that he had complete control over you in the moment, shushing you in your ear, “just a little longer baby~ you don’t want them to hear you, do you?”
a/n: i have received sooo many requests for more jeonghan, so here it is! i see jeonghan as such a service dom who loves using his fingers to pleasure you and to ensure you finish before he even starts also i’m just a girl with a hand fetish..
seventeen tarot reading: their true personality behind the scenes
for entertainment purposes only. this is not fact, confirmation, or an attack on anyone’s character. this is simply my interpretation of the cards and the energy they gave.
one thing I want to make clear before getting into this reading is that I’m reading the cards as personality cards. so when a reversal comes out, I’m not going to automatically soften it into something cute or overly positive. reversals usually show where the personality gets harder to manage, less polished, more shadowy, or more complicated.
but I’m also not going to ignore the upright cards around them. the surrounding cards matter because they tell me how that reversal actually plays out. a reversal does not automatically make someone a bad person. sometimes it shows poor coping, avoidance, emotional blocks, insecurity, lack of moderation, or a trait that only comes out when they’re stressed.
Mingyu
Temperance Reversed, Queen of Wands, Queen of Pentacles, Six of Wands, The Star
temperance reversed as a personality card is someone who struggles with moderation. not necessarily a bad person, but someone who can overdo whatever they do. when they’re up, they’re up. when they’re down, they may not cope the best.
this can be someone who leans into excess when they’re stressed or emotionally off. over-drinking, over-partying, overworking, overindulging, doing too much socially, doing too much emotionally, or just struggling to know when to stop. temperance reversed is not evil, but it is not balanced either.
but the rest of his cards are why I wouldn’t read him as someone with bad character. the queen of wands and queen of pentacles make him feel very warm, attractive, giving, and socially magnetic. he seems like he has a strong feminine balance in his personality too, not in a weak way, but in the sense that he can be nurturing, charming, receptive, emotionally warm, and comforting. he may know how to make people feel seen, encouraged, and taken care of.
six of wands as a person is someone who gets attention. not just someone who wants it, but someone who naturally receives it. this is a well-liked person. confident, self-assured, admired, successful, and probably used to being praised or looked at as the star of the show. he may be goal-oriented and motivated by recognition, but not necessarily in an insecure way. it feels like he knows he has presence.
then the star makes him feel inspirational. there is something about him that people may project onto. people may see him as hopeful, healing, authentic, creative, open, or as someone who represents something brighter than what he actually has to be all the time. he may be naturally encouraging or vulnerable in a way that makes people feel connected to him.
so overall, mingyu feels like a genuinely likable person with a lot of warmth, confidence, and healing energy, but temperance reversed keeps the reading honest. he may have poor coping habits when he’s not okay. he may overdo things. he may not always have moderation. but because the rest of the cards are so warm and admired, I don’t think this makes him a bad person.
Jeonghan
Ace of Swords, Page of Pentacles, Ten of Wands, Ten of Cups, Eight of Wands Reversed
jeonghan’s spread feels like someone who needs mental clarity to feel okay. the ace of swords makes me think he does not care for bullshit at all. he doesn’t like lies, confusion, mixed signals, or situations where people are playing in his face. he may be honest, sharp, and very clear-minded, but more than that, he needs things to make sense. confusion probably stresses him out more than he lets on.
the page of pentacles gives him patience and practicality. he does not feel like someone who rushes his goals. he understands that good things take time. this could also show someone who enjoys learning, developing skills, studying something, or slowly improving at something over time. he may be very attentive and careful with what he invests his energy into.
the ten of wands tells me he cares a lot. he may try to carry everything even when he should probably put some of it down. this is someone who takes on burdens, responsibilities, expectations, and emotional weight. with the ten of cups next to it, I think a lot of that comes from caring about the people around him. he may want the group to be okay. he may want everyone to feel supported. he may want peace and emotional fulfillment around him, even if maintaining that peace becomes heavy.
the eight of wands reversed is where I’d read him more literally now. upright, the eight of wands is a lot happening at once. fast movement, fast messages, fast changes, fast blessings, fast responsibilities. reversed, I don’t think he handles that kind of speed well. especially with the ace of swords, he likes clarity. he likes things to be mentally clean. so when life becomes too fast, too loud, too busy, or too chaotic, it may throw him off.
this could definitely apply to the idol lifestyle. even if the things happening are technically good, too much of a good thing can still become stressful. schedules, travel, performances, attention, expectations, constant movement — I don’t think his nervous system loves that. he may get overwhelmed when there are too many moving parts and not enough time to mentally sort through them.
so overall, jeonghan feels honest, sharp, patient, and caring, but easily burdened by chaos. he may not be impatient with his goals, but he may not do well when life starts moving faster than he can mentally organize. he seems like someone who wants peace, clarity, and emotional stability, even while living a life that constantly disrupts all three.
Wonwoo
Queen of Pentacles, Page of Wands, Six of Wands, Two of Cups Reversed, Five of Swords Reversed
wonwoo’s spread is interesting because the upright cards make him feel grounded, warm, curious, and admired, but the reversals suggest his relationships may not be as easy as people would assume.
queen of pentacles makes him someone who can be comforting, steady, and practical. he may have a calming presence. page of wands gives him curiosity, humor, and a little spark. he’s nurturing but also loves to have a good time and is likely known for having duality in that way. six of wands shows he is admired, respected, and probably more self-assured than he outwardly displays. this is someone who receives attention and recognition, even if he isn’t loud about wanting it.
but two of cups reversed as a personality card can point to disharmony in connection. this can be someone who struggles to maintain closeness, struggles to fully click with people long-term, or keeps people at a distance because emotional compatibility is not easy for them. I don’t think this means he’s incapable of friendship, but I do think it suggests he may not be easy to remain close to.
two of cups reversed is not “best friend energy.” it’s the breaking of a connection, incompatibility, not clicking anymore, emotional imbalance, or realizing the bond is not what it used to be. so as a person, he may be someone who is selective, guarded, or quick to emotionally detach once something feels off. he may not have a huge circle, or he may be friendly with people without letting many people get truly close. it personally felt to me that he doesn’t keep friends for long. it’s something he struggles with.
five of swords reversed can be passive-aggressive, but it can also show someone who hates conflict and wants to avoid messy power struggles. with the two of cups reversed, I can see this going two ways. either he has dealt with passive-aggressive, conflict-heavy friendships before and now keeps people at arm’s length, or he himself can withdraw instead of addressing conflict directly. maybe both, depending on the situation.
I wouldn’t read him as mean because queen of pentacles and six of wands give him too much steadiness and likability. but I would not read him as super emotionally open either. he feels like someone who can be kind and pleasant, but hard to truly access. if the connection becomes dramatic, imbalanced, or emotionally uncomfortable, he may simply not want to deal with it.
overall, wonwoo feels steady, respected, and quietly warm, but not easy to get close to. his shadow is emotional distance, incompatibility, and possibly conflict avoidance. he may prefer peace so much that he disconnects instead of working through the mess.
DK
Seven of Swords Reversed, Ten of Pentacles Reversed, Nine of Cups Reversed, Eight of Cups Reversed, Three of Swords Reversed, Queen of Cups Reversed
DK’s spread is honestly very emotionally complicated. I would not read this as “bad person,” but I also wouldn’t soften it too much because there are a lot of reversals here. this feels like someone who may have a much heavier inner world than people expect.
seven of swords reversed as a personality card can be someone who does not like deception, but may still deal with guilt, avoidance, or things coming to the surface after being hidden. it can be someone who wants to be honest but may not always know how to handle uncomfortable truths. there is a conscience here, but there may also be a pattern of trying to avoid things until they cannot be avoided anymore.
ten of pentacles reversed can point to instability around family, group systems, legacy, or long-term security. as a person, this can be someone who may not feel as secure as they look. it can also show someone who struggles with the idea of what “success” or “stability” is supposed to mean. there may be issues around belonging, family expectations, or feeling like the perfect picture is not actually fulfilling or possible
nine of cups reversed is emotional dissatisfaction. this is somebody who can have a lot and still feel like something is missing. not necessarily ungrateful, but not fully satisfied either. it can show someone who is hard to emotionally fill up, especially if they’re looking for happiness in the wrong places or expecting external success to fix internal emptiness.
eight of cups reversed is a big one. this is someone who may struggle to leave things alone. they may stay attached to people, feelings, habits, memories, or situations longer than they should. even when something is emotionally draining, they may still have a hard time walking away. this can create a cycle where they know something is not good for them, but they keep returning to it emotionally.
three of swords reversed shows healing, but not clean healing. it’s the wound after the worst of it has already happened, but the pain is still there. paired with queen of cups reversed, this feels like emotional overflow. queen of cups reversed as a person can be moody, emotionally overwhelmed, overly sensitive, drained, or struggling with boundaries. it can also show someone who absorbs too much emotionally and then doesn’t know what to do with all of it. all his pain stays instead of him taking the steps to heal.
so for DK, I would read him as someone with a good heart, but not always the healthiest emotional patterns. he may be very sensitive, but that sensitivity can turn into emotional exhaustion, moodiness, dissatisfaction, or difficulty letting go. he may smile through things, but privately, he may feel a lot more unsettled than he shows.
The8
The Emperor, Ace of Wands, Queen of Wands, Ten of Wands, Two of Pentacles
the8’s spread is very controlled, passionate, and self-directed. the emperor as a personality card is someone with strong personal authority. he values structure, discipline, control, boundaries, and self-respect. he does not feel like someone who wants to be easily influenced or pushed around.
ace of wands makes him inspired, passionate, creative, and driven. this is someone who follows his spark. queen of wands adds confidence, magnetism, self-assurance, and a strong sense of presence. he may be very aware of his own energy and how he carries himself. there’s a creative fire here, but it feels refined.
ten of wands tells me he carries a lot. this is someone who may take on responsibility, pressure, expectations, and work even when it becomes heavy. two of pentacles adds that he is constantly balancing things. work and personal life, ambition and rest, freedom and responsibility, public image and private self.
because there are no reversals, I’m not going to invent a scandal here. but the cards themselves still show intensity. the emperor can become rigid if he feels out of control. ten of wands can become burnout. two of pentacles can become overextension. so the issue is not that he has a bad trait coming through. it’s more that he may put a lot of pressure on himself to stay composed and in control.
overall, the8 feels disciplined, creative, confident, and very intentional. he seems like someone who knows who he is, or at least someone who is committed to becoming who he wants to be. passionate, but not reckless. controlled, but not empty.
Joshua
Strength, King of Swords, King of Cups, Queen of Pentacles, Page of Wands, Eight of Wands
joshua’s spread is honestly clean. I don’t feel the need to force a shadow here because the cards did not really give one. this reads like someone who is composed, mature, emotionally intelligent, mentally clear, warm, playful, and communicative.
strength as a personality card is self-control, patience, inner resilience, and quiet confidence. this is someone who does not need to overpower people to prove he is strong. he likely has a calm way of managing himself and his reactions.
king of swords makes him clear-minded, logical, honest, and intelligent. he may be very good at separating emotion from facts when he needs to. king of cups gives emotional maturity, compassion, and control over his feelings. so he is not cold, but he is not emotionally chaotic either. that combination feels like someone who can care deeply while still keeping his head on straight. he knows time and place.
queen of pentacles adds warmth, reliability, and nurturing energy. this is someone who can make people feel safe or supported in a practical way. page of wands gives him a playful, curious, youthful spark. eight of wands makes him more communicative, responsive, and energetic than people may assume.
so overall, joshua reads very balanced. grounded, emotionally mature, mentally sharp, and still fun. if I had to describe him simply, I’d say he feels like someone who knows how to act. not in a fake way, but in a “I know how to manage myself, communicate clearly, and treat people with care” kind of way.
Hoshi
Ace of Wands, King of Wands, Ten of Cups, Queen of Wands Reversed, Knight of Swords Reversed
hoshi’s spread has a lot of fire, and the reversals show what happens when that fire is not controlled well. ace of wands as a person is passion, inspiration, drive, and creative spark. king of wands is leadership, confidence, intensity, boldness, and strong presence. he feels like someone who throws himself fully into what he cares about.
ten of cups shows heart. this is not a cold person. he likely cares a lot about happiness, connection, emotional fulfillment, and the people he loves. he may genuinely want good energy around him and may be very invested in the emotional atmosphere of the group.
but queen of wands reversed and knight of swords reversed are messy. queen of wands reversed can be insecurity, jealousy, attention-seeking, ego flare-ups, moodiness, or confidence becoming unstable. it can be someone who is usually magnetic, but when triggered, that same fire can turn into attitude or emotional drama.
knight of swords reversed can be impulsive, reactive, sharp-tongued, chaotic, or someone who acts before thinking. this is the person who may say something too fast, move too fast, react too strongly, or escalate something mentally before they have fully processed it. they are often someone you don’t to argue with because they will say the most vile shit to you. but not in a forgivable way. he may be a lil sassy.
so with hoshi, I would say he is probably passionate, loving, and very inspiring when he is balanced. but when he is not balanced, he may be a lot. his emotions and ego may flare quickly. he may get reactive if he feels misunderstood, ignored, blocked, or disrespected. there is definitely some scandal in these cards, not in the sense of him being evil, but in the sense that his shadow could be dramatic and impulsive. he’s probably not everyone’s cup of tea all the time.
ten of cups keeps this from feeling malicious. I do think he cares. but caring does not automatically mean someone handles their feelings well. his spread gives big heart, big passion, big reactions.
Jun
Judgement, Three of Wands, Ace of Pentacles, Seven of Swords, Page of Cups, Two of Swords
jun’s spread feels layered because he has cards of growth, opportunity, and emotional softness, but also cards of secrecy and avoidance. judgement as a personality card is someone who reflects on themselves. this is self-awareness, awakening, evaluation, and wanting to become better or move into a different version of yourself.
three of wands makes him future-focused. he may think ahead more than people realize. ace of pentacles shows he wants something solid. opportunities, stability, a real foundation, something that can actually grow. he may be quietly ambitious and practical about his next steps.
page of cups shows a softer side. emotionally curious, sweet, imaginative, maybe even a little shy or tender in certain ways. this gives him a more innocent or sensitive quality underneath everything else.
but seven of swords is not a card I would brush past. as a personality card, this can be someone who is secretive, strategic, evasive, or not fully transparent. it does not automatically mean betrayal, but it does mean he may keep certain things to himself. he may not show his full hand. he may move quietly, avoid direct confrontation, or omit information because he does not want to deal with the reaction.
two of swords adds emotional blocking and indecision. this is someone who may avoid making a choice because both options are uncomfortable. it can also show someone who refuses to fully look at something until they have to.
so overall, jun feels thoughtful, soft, future-focused, and self-aware, but not always direct. he may have a gentle heart, but he also seems like someone who can keep things hidden or avoid confrontation when he does not want to be exposed. not necessarily malicious, but definitely private and hard to read.
Vernon
The High Priestess Reversed, Queen of Cups, Nine of Wands, Ace of Swords Reversed, Page of Swords Reversed
vernon’s spread feels very private, sensitive, and hard to access. the high priestess reversed as a personality card can show someone whose inner world is hidden, blocked, or not easily expressed. it can be secrecy, disconnection from intuition, or simply not letting people see what is really going on underneath. trust issues. i feel like his moral compass doesn’t necessarily belong to him. he will trust someone else’s gut before his own which can get him in bad spots.
queen of cups tells me he is emotionally deep. so I would not read him as detached in the sense of not caring. he likely feels a lot. he may have a soft, empathetic, creative, emotionally receptive side. but the rest of the spread suggests he does not always know how to clearly communicate that.
nine of wands is guardedness. this is someone who has boundaries up. maybe he is tired, protective of his peace, or cautious because he does not want people getting too close too quickly.
ace of swords reversed and page of swords reversed are both communication issues. ace of swords reversed can be unclear thoughts, not saying the full truth clearly, confusion, mental fog, or struggling to put something into words. page of swords reversed can be silence, withholding, overthinking, distrust, passive observation, or not wanting to engage in certain conversations. it’s personally to me a childish communicator. and potentially someone who gossips or will have opinions without knowing someone or the true nature of a situation.
so vernon reads like someone who feels more than he says, but he may be frustrating for people who need direct clarity. he may watch, process, think, and feel privately, but not always explain himself well. he might avoid conversations if he thinks they are pointless, invasive, or likely to be misunderstood.
Woozi
Queen of Swords, Eight of Wands, Six of Wands, King of Pentacles, Three of Wands Reversed
woozi’s spread feels sharp, efficient, successful, and very self-possessed. queen of swords as a person is direct, intelligent, observant, discerning, and not easily fooled. he likely sees through nonsense quickly and does not have much patience for it.
eight of wands makes him fast-moving mentally and creatively. this is someone who can get a lot done, respond quickly to what needs attention, and keep momentum. six of wands shows success, recognition, confidence, and being respected for what he does. he may not be loud about wanting attention, but he is clearly someone who gets recognition because he has earned it.
king of pentacles is mastery, stability, discipline, and long-term success. this is someone who builds. he does not just have ideas. he can make them real, maintain them, and turn them into something valuable. very career-focused, very capable, very grounded. also a very smart, yet warm and generous person. charitable. does good things with his money.
three of wands reversed is the complication. as a personality card, this can be frustration when things are delayed, blocked, or not expanding the way he expected. it can also show someone who does not love waiting on outside factors or relying on other people’s timing. he may be very good at what he can control, but less comfortable when he has to trust the future or wait for things to unfold.
with queen of swords, this can make him seem sharp when frustrated. he may not sugarcoat. he may care, but he may not coddle. if something is inefficient or unclear, he probably does not have endless patience for it.
overall, woozi feels intelligent, disciplined, respected, and highly competent. his shadow is not really scandalous, but it is sharp. impatience, bluntness, and frustration when things are not moving correctly. he feels like someone who cares through effort and results more than emotional softness.
Seungkwan
The World Reversed, Six of Swords, Four of Pentacles Reversed, Seven of Cups Reversed, Eight of Wands Reversed, Page of Swords Reversed
seungkwan’s spread feels like someone who is in a long process of releasing, maturing, and learning how to mentally move on. the world reversed as a personality card can show unfinished cycles, feeling incomplete, or having a hard time fully closing certain chapters. this can be someone who has achieved a lot, but still feels like something inside has not fully settled. he struggles to see the why with certain things that happen in his life. he struggles to find the lesson and close chapters to things he is attached to.
six of swords is movement toward peace. this is someone trying to get away from mental stress, emotional heaviness, or old patterns. four of pentacles reversed is release. letting go of control, letting go of fear, letting go of things he used to hold too tightly.
seven of cups reversed shows clarity. this is someone trying to see things realistically. less fantasy, less confusion, less illusion. he may be more perceptive and grounded than people realize, especially once he has processed something.
but eight of wands reversed and page of swords reversed are important. eight of wands reversed can show not handling rapid movement well, delays, overwhelm, or things feeling blocked when too much is happening. page of swords reversed can be communication issues, defensiveness, passive-aggressive thoughts, withholding, or saying less because he does not want to make a situation worse. potential gossiper here as well or someone who does not communicate maturely when talking about others or himself.
so with seungkwan, I’d read this as someone who may be expressive publicly, but still keeps a lot private. he may be learning how to let go of things that have hurt or overwhelmed him, but he may not always communicate that process clearly. he could get mentally tired by too much happening at once, or by situations where he feels he has to keep explaining himself.
S.Coups
The Chariot, Ace of Swords, King of Wands, Ten of Cups, Queen of Wands, Seven of Swords, Ace of Cups Reversed, Six of Swords Reversed
s.coups has very strong leader energy, but his spread is also emotionally complicated. the chariot as a personality card is willpower, control, determination, and the need to keep moving forward. ace of swords gives clarity, directness, honesty, and strong judgment. king of wands is leadership, confidence, passion, and command.
ten of cups and queen of wands show he is not cold. there is real warmth here. he likely cares deeply about the people he loves, the group, emotional loyalty, and protecting the people he considers his. queen of wands makes him charismatic, magnetic, passionate, and very present.
but seven of swords is something I would not ignore. as a personality card, it can be secrecy, strategy, withholding, moving quietly, or not showing the full truth. with the chariot and king of wands, this gives someone who may like to stay in control of the situation and the narrative. he may not reveal everything he is thinking or feeling because he wants to manage things his way.
ace of cups reversed shows blocked emotions and what personally felt to me like he does not love himself at al. I know it sounds morbid but he emphasizes to me energetically the “AT ALL” definitely struggles badly with self esteem. this can be love that exists but does not flow easily, emotional suppression, difficulty opening up, or not letting vulnerability come out naturally. six of swords reversed is difficulty moving on. mentally stuck, emotionally stuck, unable to fully leave something behind, or carrying old stress even while trying to keep moving forward.
so I would not read him as fake or heartless. ten of cups and queen of wands make him too loyal and passionate for that. but I would read him as emotionally guarded and possibly controlling when stressed. he may care very deeply, but instead of showing vulnerability, he may try to lead, manage, protect, or secretly handle things on his own.
overall, s.coups feels powerful, loyal, passionate, and protective, but not fully emotionally transparent. his shadow is control, secrecy, blocked emotions, and struggling to move on from emotional weight. he gives “I’ll handle it” energy, even when he might not actually be okay
Dino
Three of Wands, Four of Swords Reversed, Nine of Swords Reversed, King of Cups, Queen of Cups
dino’s spread feels emotionally mature, but also mentally restless. three of wands as a personality card is someone who thinks ahead. this is a future-focused person. he may be ambitious, open-minded, and always looking toward the next stage of his growth. this is someone who does not just sit in one place emotionally, creatively, or personally. he wants expansion. he wants progress. he wants to see what else is possible.
four of swords reversed is important because upright, this is rest, recovery, stillness, and mental peace. reversed, this can be someone who has a hard time truly resting. even when they need a break, their mind may still be active. this can be burnout energy, restlessness, or someone who pushes themselves to get back up before they are fully recovered. as a personality trait, I would read this as someone who may not be the best at slowing down, especially when they feel like there is still more to do.
nine of swords reversed softens it a little, but it is still a heavy mental card. upright, nine of swords is anxiety, worry, guilt, overthinking, sleeplessness, mental spiraling. reversed can be someone trying to come out of that, learning how to manage their thoughts better, or not wanting to stay trapped in anxiety anymore. but it can also mean the anxiety is still there, just not always visible. so with four of swords reversed, I do think he may have a tendency to push through stress instead of fully resting in it.
but then we have king of cups and queen of cups, which are beautiful personality cards. this tells me he is emotionally intelligent, sensitive, compassionate, and probably much more emotionally deep than people may assume. king of cups is someone who has emotional control, maturity, and a calm presence. queen of cups is empathy, intuition, softness, care, and emotional receptivity. together, that is a very emotionally developed person.
so I would not read dino as emotionally messy. I would read him as emotionally aware, but mentally hard on himself. he may be the type who understands feelings very well, both his own and other people’s, but still struggles to let himself fully rest. he may carry pressure quietly. not in a dramatic way, but in a “I have to keep going, I have to keep growing, I have to be better” kind of way.
three of wands also makes me feel like he is not someone who wants to stay limited. he may always be thinking about his future, his potential, his next move, or the version of himself he is trying to become. that can be inspiring, but paired with four of swords reversed, it can also mean he does not always know when to pause.
Summary: ORBITAL RESONANCE /ˈôrbədl/ /ˈrezənəns/ (noun):
(1.) Occurs when orbiting bodies exert regular, periodic gravitational influence on each other, usually because their orbital periods are related by a ratio of small integers. (2.) Phenomenon where you and Jeonghan have circled one another for years, constantly applying force and influence over one another in cycles.
Word Count: 12,364
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Romantic Drama
Type: Angst, smut, fluff
Rating: 18+ Minors are strictly prohibited from engaging in and reading this content. It contains explicit content and any minors discovered reading or engaging with this work will be blocked immediately.
Warnings: Mild angst, suppressed feelings, mutual pining, mild moments of jealousy, recreational drinking, rich people problems galore, Jeonghan and reader are a bit stupid with one another, explicit language, explicit sexual content included protected sex, oral (f. receiving), vaginal fingering, mild nipple play, honestly this smut scene is very tame, some members of svt are obnoxious frat boy coded (sorry Soonyoung), some girl competitiveness/tension between characters... I think thats it!
A/N: This couple is incredibly vexing but I hope you enjoy how hopelessly in love they are as they chase each other from country to country! I had such a fun time writing Jeonghan and as frustrating as these two are sometimes, this was exciting and new for me to write :)
A/N 2: Thank you to @daechwitatamic for being my beta and cheering me on in the comments of my doc because I don't think these fics would happen otherwise.
SERIES M. LIST | MAIN M. LIST | ASK | PLAYLIST | NEXT
YOON JEONGHAN HAS LIKED THE CHASE SINCE YOU WERE KIDS. When you first met him, he’d been chasing Junhui around the playground, holding a lizard in his hand while giggling like a little devil. Junhui had been shrieking - he still does, when he sees lizards - and crying as Jeonghan followed hot on his heels.
Jeonghan liked to chase other things, too. You, for the top grades in class. Seungcheol, who had stolen Jeonghan’s phone to text a girl and ask her out on his behalf. Soonyoung, running outside with Jeonghan’s favorite bong. Shots with gatorade, no matter how much Junhui makes fun of him for it.
But Jeonghan’s favorite thing to chase is girls.
You’re watching him do it right now over the sweating lip of your glass, tilting the rim to drink down the wheat bear in big gulps. A hint of citrus hits the back of your throat, a sweet taste to the bitter that comes with the beer or watching Jeonghan, you’re not sure which.
Perhaps bitter is a poor choice of words. You’ve never begrudged Jeonghan of his fun - not really. You love him too much to give him up over muddled feelings and confused, lingering touches, but not so much that you’re willing to take it a step further, to try and let him catch you.
Not that you’re entirely sure Jeonghan is chasing you in earnest. Like all of the things Jeonghan covets, you present a challenge. A give and take that he so adores, and a never ending what if. You’re his best friend and he loves you, but there is a never ending question that keeps him focused on you.
A touch at your elbow draws your attention from Jeonghan leaning to murmur something into the girl’s ear. Junhui is sitting just below you on the couch proper. You’re perched on the couch’s arm, legs crossed at the ankle as the group sitting at the table plays cards. There’s a stack of money and someone’s mother-of-pearl Rolex on the table, making you roll your eyes.
Junhui’s sharp gaze is seeking. Sometimes you think it would be easier to love him instead, with his shy smiles and liquid-sun gaze. He is everything you deserve in a partner: kind, understanding, patient, intelligent. Most importantly, Junhui isn’t a flight risk.
He is also very much in love with his girlfriend, whom you rather adore.
“Hmm?” you ask when you see his questioning gaze.
“You good?”
“Very.” It’s not a lie. Your momentary blip of acridity is long gone. “Is that Chan’s Rolex on the table?”
“Apparently, he doesn’t carry cash and they argued his black card wasn’t collateral.”
“Rich people.”
His lips twitch in a smirk, a secret joke between the two of you. “I know.”
The two of you aren’t naturally born wealthy. It’s a funny little term between the two of you, a way to separate yourself as the new money among the crushing amount of old in the room. Here, there are still customs, traditions, and expectations that elude you, despite having lived in this world since you were a kid. Here, you can always trust that Junhui understands you even if Jeonghan does not.
It’s a rare day when Jeonghan doesn’t understand you.
Even now, it’s like he senses a disturbance in the force. At least, that’s how Vernon had put it a few years ago, implying that you and Jeonghan can sense one another’s energy shift, even from miles apart. You’re not sure if that’s quite true, but he has gotten good at reading you, even if he’s not looking directly at you.
Force or not, Jeonghan pushes off the wall where he was talking to the girl. Her eyes are round, mouth downturned as she watches him carve his way through the party. Jeonghan isn’t a large, commanding presence like Seungcheol, but people move in his wake, giving him room anyway.
Aura, he always jokes.
It’s true, though. Even as he nears, you sense the gravitational shift at the table when the poker players see him coming. You’re sure a majority of them are terrified he’s going to ask them to deal him in so he can steal all their cash and their heirlooms, while the others are excited by the prospect of beating Yoon Jeonghan at cards.
Only a single person can beat Yoon Jeonghan at games, and he walks right over to them - you - tilting his head, pouting.
“Why are you frowning?” he asks, voice soft. He lifts his hand and raps his knuckle lightly underneath your chin, tilting your face up for his examination. “I could feel it from across the room.”
“I wasn’t frowning.”
At least, you don’t think you were. You’re definitely not frowning now, watching the way Jeonghan’s face shifts in the light. He’s the kind of beautiful that is dangerous, with a sweet face that’s pretty enough to be splashed across the covers of high fashion magazines and designer campaigns but a razor blade personality made to maim even the toughest of opponents.
Jeonghan’s hair is long again, just the way you like it. Right now, the front pieces are tucked behind his ears, the silky strands from the back brushing forward as he tilts his head to study you. His lips are bubblegum pink, bottom lip tucked between his teeth. He has dark eyes but they’re always glittering, a spark of something a little dangerous or playful. There is a single, gentle freckle on his right cheek, sweetening his round face with an innocence that isn’t really there.
His finger is still tucked against your chin, warm. He stands far closer than is necessary, but it doesn’t matter. This is you and Jeonghan, always too close, never close enough, a careful balance that only the two of you understand or can maintain.
“Jealous, love?”
You inhale the scent of his cologne, the subtle scent of hinoki and fresh cedar. “You’d love for me to be.”
He grins like the cat that ate the canary. “And if I did?”
“You’d lose,” you sigh. You push off the arm of the couch and his arm falls as you finish off the rest of your beer. “I need a drink.”
He bows a little and holds a hand out toward the kitchen. “By all means, love. Lead the way.”
Junhui rolls his eyes and turns his attention to the poker game as Chan screams about losing his Rolex. The amount of times he’s lost a watch or priceless possession is in the hundreds, at this point. Jeonghan has two beautiful Nomos Glashütte watches that once belonged to the Lee family, which isn’t necessarily a lot, but it is strange that he has more than one.
One of them is on his wrist now, the low light of Seungcheol’s apartment glinting off the sapphire crystal glass face, Horween leather strap snug around his wrist. You know if you flip the watch upside down, you’ll see LEE carved into the 18 carat gold plating.
It’s quiet in the kitchen, despite the amount of people spread out across the three stories of the penthouse. Most of the crowd has gathered around the bar in the entertainment room, content to order drinks from the hired bartenders working Seungcheol’s party. You want the good stuff in the fridge - and by the good stuff, you mean-
“These strawberries are my favorite,” Jeonghan giggles, taking the plastic container from the fridge. You’ve both forgotten all about drinks, instead plucking unopened cartons of fruit from the meticulously organized fridge. He shuts the fridge with his hip and turns, gesturing for you to hop on the counter.
Seungcheol’s kitchen is beautiful. Fitted with industrial-grade appliances and Calacatta marble counters, it’s made up of clean lines and muted neutrals. Track lighting is fitted under the dark grey cabinets and around the large island countertop in the middle of the space, which you jump to sit on.
Floor to ceiling windows stretch across the kitchen to your left, the city unfolding down below like a sea of stars. Normally, you love standing and staring out those windows as your breath fogs the glass, feeling the cold from this high up in the sky.
Now, you’re focused on the way Jeonghan nudges your knees open to stand between your legs. It’s unnecessary to be so close, but you don’t mind. He’s warm and he smells woody. Familiar. You buzz with the nearness of him, fighting the urge to run your fingers through his hair for only a second before giving in and doing exactly that.
Jeonghan’s hair is silk-soft, long enough now to touch his collarbones. He grins as you tuck the loose strands behind his ear, preening under the attention. His fingers expertly crack open the lid of strawberries, which are perfectly ripe and red and massive.
You drop your hand from him as Jeonghan grins and plucks one out, looking up at you with that ever-present glint in his eyes. Instead of popping it into his mouth, he reaches up to yours with the strawberry. You roll your eyes but lean forward, taking a careful bite.
It’s sweet and perfect, eliciting a sound in the back of your throat as the fresh fruit hits your tongue. A line of juice runs down your chin but Jeonghan is quick to rub the thumb of his freehand across it, catching the sweet bead of liquid and popping it into his mouth without a thought as he tosses the spent strawberry into the trash.
The two of you stay like that in silence. Jeonghan feeds you strawberries, smacking your hand away from the carton when you reach for them. You scoff but let him win whatever game he’s playing tonight. Being best friends with him is a constant series of picking which battles to fight and which ones to concede. This he can have - whatever this is.
For as long as you can remember, Jeonghan has been the sun that you orbit, a single planet made for the sole purpose of maintaining a constant track around Jeonghan’s life. You don’t mind. Being this close to the sun makes you warm.
Sometimes though, you get burned.
Halfway through Seungcheol’s strawberries, Seungcheol himself appears. He’s dressed in light wash jeans and a cream sweater that’s a little loose at the neck, the barest hint of his back tattoo peeking from beyond the cashmere threads. He’s unsurprised to see the two of you. He’s equally unsurprised to see the nearness and intimacy of Jeonghan standing between your legs, your knees pressed to his hips. He is surprised to see you eating his strawberries.
“Yah!” Seungcheol yells, stopping in his tracks on the way to the fridge, pointing. “Those are like thirty bucks!”
Jeonghan grins, wagging a strawberry at Seungcheol before popping it into his mouth with a ripe crunch. “You can afford it. She wanted strawberries so I got her strawberries.”
Seungcheol looks at you, dark eyes narrowed. You shake your head, pointedly looking at Jeonghan. Seungcheol is already pouting and you have no desire to argue with that face of his, happy to sell out Jeonghan and let him battle it out with the party host.
They’ve always been closer anyway. Choi Seungcheol might be the only person who knows Jeonghan better than you do. They’ve been friends since they were in diapers, continuing the legacy of longtime friendship between the Choi and Yoon families. If there is one game you know not to play, it’s trying to take on Seungcheol. That’s what Jeonghan is for, and he’s usually successful.
Like now, he wins over Seungcheol by luring him in with the promise of a strawberry. The elder grumbles but wanders over, leaning his elbows on the counter next to you as he snatches Jeonghan’s offer and pops it into his mouth.
“I need to get these people out of my house,” Seungcheol grumbles. He glowers at the door as though that alone can dismiss the crowd. “I still have to pack for our trip.”
Our trip. You all leave for your weeks-long trip galavanting across Europe tomorrow night, a trip that you have been looking forward to since Chan pulled All-Out European Summer out of the hat to choose your annual trip out of the country. You’ve been packed for weeks - and taken plenty of teasing for it - but you can’t wait to relax.
“Seriously?” You ignore the strawberry Jeonghan is waving in front of your face for a moment, looking at Seungcheol with your brows raised. “We leave tomorrow night, dude.”
“I know.” He groans, dropping his forehead into his palm. “I was working late at the firm literally all week though and I couldn’t cancel the party today.”
“The way you actually work for your money is fascinating,” Jeonghan teases. He’s given up trying to lure you with the strawberry for a moment, content to take a bite out of it instead. His free hand rests on your thigh, squeezing absently. “Your family has owned that firm for generations. You don’t have to kill yourself at work.”
“I like working, unlike some of us.”
“I don’t have the constitution for it.”
Seungcheol looks at you. “How do you deal with him?”
“I’m her soulmate,” Jeonghan scoffs. “I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”
It’s a joke but the weight of it hits you right in the chest. Your eyes drift to Jeonghan, who isn’t looking at you. He continues his conversation with Seungcheol, turning so that he’s leaning into you, abandoning his quest to finish the entire carton of strawberries.
Their conversation falls on deaf ears as you study Jeonghan. It’s so easy for him to call you his soulmate. He’s done it before, calling you his better half, his twin flame, the love of his life. It’s always in half-joking cadences, a lightness to them that doesn’t fit the heaviness of the terms he uses.
You and Jeonghan are complicated. You have been since high school. Jeonghan likes to chase you, but you’ve always been too afraid to let him catch you. He wants to catch you, to be sure, but you’re not sure he wants to keep you.
Jeonghan keeps nothing. He thrills in the pursuit of something, playing a game of give and take until he gets what he wants. Eventually, he gets bored and moves onto the next thing, ready to feel the exhilaration again.
“Where’s the friend you made?” You ask Jeonghan when Seungcheol dismisses himself from the kitchen, ready to kick everyone out of his apartment. “Aren’t you worried?”
Jeonghan’s eyes alight on you, mouth quirking. “So that is why you were frowning earlier.”
“I wasn’t frowning, Jeonghan.”
He hums, unconvinced as he closes the strawberry carton and heads to the fridge. It’s cold in the kitchen without him pressed close to you. He keeps his back to you as he says, “She’ll be waiting. Don’t worry.”
“You’re always so sure?”
“Mhmm.”
“Are you going to invite her to Europe?”
That gets a snort out of him. He closes the fridge and leans against it, crossing his hands over his chest. Chan’s watch glints in the light. “Absolutely not. Our relationship will have expired by then.”
“Harsh.”
He shakes his head. “This one has a shelf life of a single night. She knows that.”
You want to ask does she? You’re not so sure. Jeonghan always seems confident that he and all of his encounters are on the same page, but you’re never really sure. Perhaps they are at first, but Jeonghan is hard to be casual with for long before the desire for something more sets in.
He inspires madness even in the most uncommitted of partners. You’ve long called it the Jeonghan effect, his uncanny ability to infect people with mania like the Maniae of Greek mythology. You’ve managed to hold off on his effects long enough, but you’ve seen it happen time and time again.
You wonder when it’ll be your turn to suffer the madness.
Jeonghan’s hand is warm as he helps you down from the counter. Together, you enter the party proper to see swaths of people heading toward the door. Sure enough, the girl that Jeonghan had been talking to earlier is lingering in the living room. Her friends look ready to leave but her eyes are scanning the groups of people, standing on her tiptoes as she searches.
Her eyes land on Jeonghan and her mouth twitches, relief washing over her features. Then she glances at you and her brow furrows, mouth turning down quickly. You see the conflict on her face as Jeonghan checks his phone, typing something as the two of you pause just outside the entryway to the kitchen.
“Your One-Night-Shelf-Life doesn’t look happy,” you note, glancing at him.
“She’ll get over it. There’s nothing to be jealous of.” Jeonghan pauses and looks up from his phone, raising his brows. “Unless…? Say the word, love. I’m yours.”
Like always, the offer hangs in the air, equal parts real and fake. Like always, you roll your eyes, blowing it off and not even taking a second to think about the sincerity of Jeonghan’s words. You smack him on the chest with the back of your hand, walking by him and rolling your eyes.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“I’ll pick you up.”
“Fine. Don’t be late.”
“With you? Never.”
“Bye, Jeonghan.”
“Bye, my love.”
LIke always, you leave Jeonghan and refuse to turn around, because like always, he pockets his phone and stalks back over to end the chase for the night, destined to restart it the moment the sun comes up.
-
Evening crickets sing as you walk by them, lugging your heavy suitcase behind you. The wheels clack loudly against the cobblestone path, which ends in a short set of stairs that you stop at the top of. Pushing the handle down on the luggage, you prepare to haul it a few steps down to the curb where the car idles, but Jeonghan is out of the car and up the stairs in minutes.
“I’ve got it,” he says by way of greeting, kissing you briefly on the brow as he wraps his fingers around the handle. You look at him, unsure, but he gives you a grin and a wink, nodding toward the car. “There’s champagne.”
True to his word, there’s champagne sitting in the cupholder waiting for you. You grin, sliding into the heated interior, reaching for the cool glass. It’s a fruity variety, the bubbles popping on your tongue while you settle back. Jeonghan gets in on the other side, hauling himself up into the seat next to you.
As usual, Jeonghan’s fashion is perfect for the occasion. He’s in simple jeans and a loose shirt with an oversized varsity jacket over the top, simple yet impeccable on him. You see the hint of the necklace you’d bought him for his birthday two years ago under the collar of his shirt with a gold J on it.
Settling back in the seat, Jeonghan reaches a hand over to rest on your thigh, giving you a squeeze. He leaves it there, warm and comfortable as he asks, “Ready for España?”
“Very much so.”
Spain is the first stop on your long-awaited vacation and one of your most anticipated. You haven’t been in years, and there’s nothing more that you want to do than find a tiny cafe with metal tables on a cobblestone path to sit and drink coffee while reading a book and snacking.
His smile is soft, genuine. He looks tired, circles under his eyes a little more prominent than usual. You pointedly ignore the splotchy marks underneath his jaw, barely visible above the collar of his jacket. He leans his head on the headrest of his seat and closes his eyes, thumb brushing back and forth over your clothed thigh.
The car falls silent and you settle in, content to sip on your drink and watch the scenery blur by. The trip to the airport isn’t far. It’s a private airport where Seungcheol’s family has connections, exclusive to clients and companies with private jets.
Flying private is still unfamiliar to you, though it isn’t your first time. Last year when the group had settled on a trip to Tokyo for the annual vacation, Seungcheol had suggested utilizing his family’s plane to travel. It’s just a tiny portion of your travel party that gets to fly there like this, a select few of Seungcheol’s inner circle. The rest either fly first class commercial or on Lena’s family plane.
You like this method, though. Especially because it means you don’t have to deal with the members of the larger group that you’re not overly fond of. Tonight, it’s just you, Jeonghan, Seungcheol, Junhui and his girlfriend Kira, and Chan.
Jeonghan is still sleepy when the SUV crawls across the tarmac, nearing a large jet. There’s staff standing just below the stairs leading to the bridge door, ready with more glasses of champagne, hot towels, and free hands to take your bags.
The car stops and you reach over, running your hand through Jeonghan’s hair. His eyes flutter open, eyes taking a moment to focus on you. He makes a little tired noise, leaning into your touch as he turns in his seat. He closes his eyes again, humming.
“Come on,” you laugh, removing your hand. He complains, eyes snapping open again. “How are you this tired? It’s almost seven.”
“I had a long night.” He flashes a wicked grin and you make a disgusted sound, getting out of the car. He laughs and calls after you, begging for you to wait but you’re already out the door and heading toward the jet.
It’s loud on the tarmac. The plane is powered on but the engines aren’t running yet. Behind you, Jeonghan has his phone out, capturing the moment for social media. You turn around and blow his camera a kiss, earning a bright grin from him before you accept a hot towel and assistance up the steps.
Everyone else is already on the plane, seated on the comfy interior. Seungcheol and Chan are in individual bucket seats, both on their phones, flutes of champagne bubbling in their cup holders. Behind them is a seating area with a table and booth-style seating. Junhui and Kira are sitting in the paired bucket seats, waving at you excitedly as you board.
Kira reaches over Junhui to squeeze your hand as you walk by, grinning. “So excited to see you!”
“Same, it’s going to be so much fun.”
Kira’s eyes go to Jeonghan behind you, her eyes narrowing. “Jeonghan.”
“Hello, Kira. Junie.”
It isn’t that Kira dislikes Jeonghan - she likes him plenty. She doesn’t like how, to her, it feels like Jeonghan keeps you on the line for a relationship that will never happen. It’s far more complicated than that, but you understand her confusion and frustration.
You and Jeonghan confuse a lot of people. You’ve long stopped trying to explain all the reasons neither of you have dared to take an official step to something more, why despite your closeness and the obvious attraction, you’ve both held the line on going further physically.
Mostly everyone accepts it by now. Kira is coming around to it, but there are still a few people in the larger group of friends - more acquaintances, to you - that don’t get it and never will. That’s fine with you. No one needs to validate your friendship with Jeonghan.
Jeonghan takes the window seat behind Junhui and Kira, shoving his duffle in the compartment above. He collapses into the seat, angling himself with his back toward the window. He pulls up the armrest separating the seats, making it so that you can sit and lean into him.
It’s automatic. You don’t even think about it, placing your things above before sitting next to him and leaning into him. He wraps an arm around you, running his hand up and down your arm before settling comfortably there. He scrolls his phone with his other hand, pulling you into him like second nature.
Head on his shoulder, you scroll on your own feed, double tapping occasionally. You pause when you get to Jeonghan’s video of you boarding the plane, rolling your eyes at the caption a España con amor. You double tap anyway.
“Did you use Google translate for that?”
He pouts. “I’m better at French and Italian.”
“Que pena,” you tease.
“You’ll just have to go everywhere with me and translate, I guess. My Greek is bad, too.”
“I don’t know, maybe I want to hang out with Junhui and Kira.”
In front of you, Kira throws up her hand, a peace sign prevalent before she drops it back into her lap. At the front of the plane, the flight attendant shuts the main cabin doors and they prepare for departure while Jeonghan whines, pulling you a little closer.
“What if I get lost?”
“You took Spanish, Han.”
“All I remember is donde está la biblioteca.”
“Well, while you’re at the library maybe you can pick up a textbook to improve.”
Jeonghan makes a sound of disagreement. The flight team goes over the abridged safety guidelines and the captain steps out of the cockpit to introduce himself and update you on flight plan and times. You listen, half understanding and smiling to ensure they know you appreciate the effort.
After they complete the safety brief, a hush falls over the plane. The hum of the engines makes the seat vibrate slightly, the air conditioner above kicking on to blow cool air down your neck. You melt into Jeonghan, feeling yourself relax as the flight team goes through final checks for takeoff. Once the plane is in the air, you can move around, but there is nowhere you’d rather be.
You tilt your head to look up at Jeonghan to find he’s already watching you. His thumb traces patterns on your skin, a small smile on his face as he asks, “Hmm?”
“Did you sleep at all?” This time it’s not teasing, just concern that he’s going to be miserable by the time you cross several timezones.
“A little. Enough.”
He doesn’t elaborate. He never does when it’s about where he’s been, what bed, what room, whose hands. He knows you never ask directly. It’s part of the game. Part of the safety. You hate that you’re grateful for it.
He taps your thigh with his free hand. “You’ll take care of me, won’t you? In Spain?”
“Sure. I’ll keep you hydrated and feed you fruit.”
“And keep me entertained?”
His grin is lazy and teasing. You hear the double meaning in his words, the invitation to just cross that line. If you wanted to. Always if you wanted to. You hate how much that you do, but before you can answer, the plane begins to roll, the gentle push of acceleration pressing you further into his side.
“Seatbelt,” Junhui calls from ahead, voice wry but fond. Kira elbows him for scolding you like children.
Jeonghan laughs and kisses your brow before untangling and reaching across to tug your belt across your hips. His knuckles brush your thigh, and you smell his cologne, woody and warm and enough to make you dizzy. He clicks your belt into place with a flourish before doing his own, letting you settle back into him.
It’s only when the seatbelt sign flicks off that Jeonghan moves again, letting the distance linger just long enough to keep you aware of the gap before he pulls you back into his side. This time, he tips his head to rest in the curve of your neck, nose brushing your jaw.
You pretend not to notice the way Chan rolls his eyes as he walks by toward the back of the cabin where Seungcheol has set up a gaming console with the TV. In front of you, Junhui and Kira doze, both tired from a full day of work. You like that about them.
“I know it’s not for a bit,” Jeonghan says, voice muffled by your skin. “But when we get to Florence, I want to take you somewhere first. Just us.”
“Mmm. Where?”
You turn your head just enough to meet his gaze. His lashes brush your cheek. You’re so close that when his gaze dips down to your mouth, your heart hammers, thinking he might actually give in and kiss you for once. Instead, he pulls back, just enough to look at you properly. There’s a bright glint in his eyes, hungry and boyish.
“Somewhere fun. We’re on vacation. We should do whatever we want, right? No regrets.”
You swallow. There’s a hint of something in his voice, a proposition, you think. You’re too afraid to ask him directly so instead you nod, breathless. “Whatever we want.”
-
When the plane lands in Málaga, the summer sun is already burning, pressing heat into your bones as you step onto the tarmac. You’re half asleep, sunglasses perched on your nose, Jeonghan’s hand warm and casual at the small of your back as you’re ushered through customs.
Though you slept on the plane, you already feel the drag of the time difference. You press the heels of your palms into your eyes, willing yourself to wake up as you step out of the airport to a black convoy of cars courtesy of the Jeon family who have owned a sprawling vacation estate in Marbella for as long as you’ve known Wonwoo.
In the car, Jeonghan drifts to sleep on your shoulder again. Junhui and Kira chatter quietly across from you. Seungcheol is on the phone with someone from the firm, his voice low and lethal. It makes you smile, happy to be with your friends and even happier to see everyone else. You don’t know everyone going on this trip and there are people who are coming and going for spurts, but there’s an undeniable buzz in the air.
The drive to Marbella is a blur of coastline and winding highways. The deep blue of the Mediterranean is hypnotizing even from a distance. The hills outside are studded with white villas and burnt umber rooftops. Olive groves and vineyards sprawl between the hills, verdant green under an azure sky.
You watch it all slide by through the tinted glass, Jeonghan’s head resting on your shoulder, his thumb brushing circles over your knee where your sundress rides up. You fight the shiver threatening to rattle up your spine, his words from a few hours ago rattling through your thoughts: whatever we want. No regrets.
It’s less than an hour drive to get to the Jeon estate from the airport. The sun reaches its zenith, a bright coin in the sky that beats down on the dirt packed road the cars turn onto. Cypress trees line the road on either side, so tall they blot out the gates and homes beyond.
The Jeon family’s estate emerges at the end of the row, less a house and more of a kingdom of white limestone walls, terracotta roof tiles and sprawling verandas stacked three stories high. Jasmine climbs up the columns with purple bougainvillea spilling over marble balustrades.
Finally, the cars roll to a halt in the circular drive. When you get out, you can hear the distant rush of the sea beyond cliffs. Somewhere on the estate you can hear music humming over the buzz of cicadas, some sort of electronic genre that tells you Vernon or Minghao are in control of the speakers somewhere beyond.
The doors swing open to reveal Wonwoo jogging down the steps. He’s barefoot with sunglasses on, dressed in all white linen pants and a white linen shirt to match as he grins and opens his arms.
“Finally!” He grins. “Soonyoung was about to go fucking rabid if you guys didn’t get here soon.”
Wonwoo hugs Junhui and kisses Kira’s cheek briefly before he’s on you, squeezing you tight enough that your laughter echoes off the marble walls of the portico. Behind Wonwoo, Soonyoung appears in the wide double doors, leaning on one frame in striped swim shorts and shirt unbuttoned enough to show tan lines and the glint of chain at his throat. He lifts a hand and flicks Chan off as a greeting before blowing you a kiss.
“Wow,” you comment as you approach, stopping to give him a kiss on the cheek. He smells like sunscreen, sweat and spicy cologne. You gesture to the unbutton shirt and chain. “Big sexy.”
“Only for you,” he promises before he turns to Jeonghan. Soonyoung’s grin grows tenfold. “And for you,” he promises. “I’ll give it up to you anytime you want, Jeonghan.”
Jeonghan rolls his eyes but they embrace, clapping each other on the back.
Inside is cool and endless, the main building made up of all high ceilings and pale stone floors. There are scattered rugs you think cost more than your college tuition and art that you know Wonwoo’s mother has meticulously picked out herself.
A grand staircase curls up the three floors like a curling spine, its wrought iron banister draped in flowers and jasmine. The air smells of salt and fresh bread from somewhere down the hall. Attendants show up to take the bags up to assigned rooms on Wonwoo’s instruction as he leads you all toward the back yard.
Mingyu’s laughter booms from outside, punctuated by the base of music. Wonwoo leads you through glass doors that open into the warm Andalusian afternoon. The backyard isn’t so much of a backyard as it is an entire world unto itself.
White marble terraces step down in layers toward the cliffs, each level lush with sprawling gardens. You see lemon trees with bright, round lemons and rosemary and lavender tangling for dominance in wild hedgerows.
A sprawling pool unfurls in the heart of it all, rimmed with pale stone. Beyond it, low stucco walls spill over with bougainvillea in shades of fuchsia and wine, framing slivers of the Mediterranean. Sun streams down, painting everything in a clay-baked heat that has you fanning yourself.
Mingyu is in the middle of setting down a platter of cut citrus on a low table by the pool, half chef half sun god with his tanned skin, muscles flexing as he winks at the girls in the pool. He grins wide when he sees you emerge from the house, waving excitedly.
Soonyoung toes off his shoes and peels his shirt off, taking off to dive into the pool at the expense of Nari and Lena, who both yell at him as blue water explodes when he hits the surface. They drift toward the edge of the pool, taking the slices of fruit Mingyu has laid out.
Wonwoo claps his hands, drawing your attention. “Dinner is here tonight at nine sharp. Seafood and local wine. You’ve got all day to do whatever you want. I recommend a nap. Life is slow but goes late into the night here.”
He gestures to the pool glittering under the sun, the stone pathways winding down to a hidden guard and the sliver of rocky path that winds down to the private cove below.
“There’s a bar by the garden, towels by the pool, and the beach path is open. Careful going down - it’s safe but rocky.”
The group hums with a low buzz, excited to be here. Junhui stretches his arms over head, rolling his shoulders loose as he turns to Kira. She’s already slipped off her sandals, making her way to dip her toes in the shallow end of the pool. Junhui trails after her, shooting you a look over his shoulder to see if you’re coming.
You don’t move yet, turning as Jeonghan’s knuckles brush your wrist. “I’ll get us drinks,” he murmurs, voice pitched low.
You watch him saunter off.
The house yawns open, all glass and carved wood. There are baskets of fresh fruit on a long oak table out of the sun, linen curtains stirring in the breeze from all the doors pushed open. A caretaker in white linen passes through, carrying a basket of towels down to the pool deck and lounge chairs.
Wonwoo lingers beside you, arms folded and sunglasses sliding down his sweaty nose. He watches with you as Soonyoung splashes Chan from behind, Nari shrieking as Lena drags her into the shallows to catch up with Kira and Junhui.
His mouth twitches. He doesn’t answer. Instead, he reaches out and hooks a finger under the strap of your bag, tugging it off your shoulder and handing it to one of the staff who melt from the shadows, all soft smiles and deft hands.
“Yes. You work too hard, unlike most of us.” You roll your eyes. “Rest today. Swim. Drink. Walk down to the cove if you want. Just enjoy it.”
You intend to. You slide off your shoes and make your way into the sun, toes curling against the warm stone as you pick your way down the steps. You pause to steal a sliver of blood orange from Mingyu’s platter. Soonyoung walks by to grab fruit, wrapping a wet arm around your waist, drenching you in pool water that makes you squeal.
When you catch sight of Jeonghan, he’s leaning against the outdoor bar, a tall glass in each hand. His sunglasses are perched low on his nose, eyes flickering to you. They’re dark as he lifts his chin as if to say come here.
You do. Your pulse skitters as you pad over to him. He holds out a glass and when you reach for it, his fingers brush against yours, lingering for a split second. You take a sip of the drink and let out a sigh. It’s cold and bright with fresh mint and the sharp sweetness of rum.
“Want to cool off?” Jeonghan asks, gesturing to the pool. You nod and he leads you toward where Junhui and Kira are wading in the shallow end, drinks in hand.
The heat melts like sugar under your tongue. Jeonghan holds your drink for you as you peel your sundress off and he makes a noise like he’s admiring the view. Flushing, you snatch your drink back and walk down the shallow incline that leads into the pool, sighing at the cool water as it licks up your legs.
Kira turns to look at you as you sink in, holding your drink above water. She leans in toward you and murmurs, “Is he driving you crazy yet?”
You know who he is. You don’t answer, instead flicking water at her playfully. She squeals and splashes you back a bit as Jeonghan appears at your shoulder. His hand lazily circles your waist underwater, breath grazing your ear when he leans in to ask how your drink is.
You pretend you don’t notice how your pulse hiccups when his fingers skim a little lower, when his thigh presses yours beneath the slow hush of the water. But you do. Of course you do.
Laughter draws your attention to the doors. Lena’s friend Hana walks in - Hana whose gaze is always lingering on Jeonghan and has been for the last two years. She’s beautiful, all honey skin and painted lips, hair twisted up with a silk scarf that matches the ribbon tied around her throat.
She wades in and greets everyone with quick kisses on the cheek and a splash at Soonyoung. She sees you and waves, but her gaze finds Jeonghan and she drifts toward you both with a shy, sweet smile.
Jeonghan notices immediately. He shifts just enough to glance over his shoulder, his grin like a lazy cat as he greets her. His fingers don’t leave your waist but they’ve stopped tracing patterns as she flicks water at him and he catches her wrist with his free hand.
“Where have you been?” He asks her, dropping her wrist.
She blushes. “You never invite me out, so.”
“How silly of me, hmm?”
Lena calls her name from the other side of the pool. Hana drifts off regretfully, eyes flicking to yours for the barest of moments before she gives Jeonghan a shy grin and swims over toward the deep end of the pool.
Jeonghan’s thumb resumes circling your hip as he leans in, nose brushing your temple as his voice dips low. “Don’t pout.”
You turn to look at him, sunlight catching the wet lashes that cling to his cheekbones. He’s too close, he’s always too close. And you wonder what part of this you’re really drowning in - the ache of his touch on your skin, or the way he never quite gives you enough to stay afloat.
“She’s pretty,” you say, like you’re commenting on the weather.
“She is,” he agrees. “You jealous?”
You huff a laugh, shove him lightly with your shoulder. Water splashes between you, but his grip doesn’t loosen. His hand skims higher, brushing the top of your ribs dangerously before settling back low on your hip.
“Why would I be jealous?”
“Hmm. Just asking.”
“Feel free to go get her. She likes you well enough.”
Jeonghan’s breath ghosts your ear. “If you want me, just say it.”
“Shut up, Jeonghan.”
He sighs. “Have me or don’t. You know you could if you wanted to.”
You could have him. You know it. But could you keep him? You’re not so sure.
-
Dinner hums beneath the pergola strung with fairy flights and wild wisteria. Beyond the cliffs, the sea rolls, the sound of waves lost under the buzz of conversation and music playing from somewhere in the yard. Twenty of you gather around a banquet table, plates and glasses catching the twinkling lights above as you sit and shuffle.
You’re tucked between Jeonghan and Junhui. Junhui keeps leaning in to top off your wine glass every time you take a sip, both of you laughing because you know he’s doing it on purpose and you encourage him, shoving your glass in his direction.
On your other side, Jeonghan drapes himself in his chair, his thigh brushing yours every time he shifts to pour more wine, though half the time he’s not even drinking it. He’s just looking for excuses to brush shoulders with you and give you a shit-eating grin each time.
Across from you, Hana laughs at something Soonyoung says. She’s flushed with the sun and wine, pretty in a gauzy dress that slips off her shoulder when she tips her head back to giggle. You catch Jeonghan’s eyes flicking toward her just once, quick and sharp, but you notice it all the same.
So does Junhui. Of course he does. He nudges your elbow with his eyebrows lifting in a silent question. You just shrug and drain your glass instead before offering it to him with a pout. He shakes his head and fills it anyway, not pressing you.
Mingyu throws his head back in a laugh so loud it rattles the wine glasses. Kira’s curled under Junhui’s free arm, watching him fondly as she picks at her seafood paella. Hana leans forward, resting her chin on her palm, eyes fixed shamelessly on Jeonghan.
“You should come dance with us tonight, Han,” she purrs. “You never invite me, so this is me inviting you.”
“Oh?” he drawls.
Soonyoung interrupts whatever Hana is about to say, clapping his hands as he yells, “Dancing! That’s a brilliant idea. Why the hell are we still sitting here like old people? Let’s go ruin someone’s club.”
Hana squeals a laugh, delight blooming on her pretty face as she shoots Soonyoung a grateful look.
“We’ll take the cars,” Wonwoo says. “I’ll call ahead. Seungcheol, make sure the drivers know the plan.”
Seungcheol tips his glass in mock salute, already pulling out his phone. You glance at Jeonghan. He’s watching Hana now, who’s biting her lip, eyes shining in the glow of strung fairy lights. He’s still got his hand on your thigh, though.
Everyone begins to scrape their chairs back from the dinner table, excited chatter bubbling as everyone rushes off to change and get ready.
“Wear something scandalous!” Soonyoung shouts before he too runs into the house.
Junhui knocks his knee into yours under the table. “Drink up,” he says, grin soft and eyes warm. “If we’re dancing, you’ll need your courage.”
“Say less,” you agree, downing the wine as Kira cheers you on, clapping her hands.
-
The villa hums with the hush of night now, the cicadas giving way to the distant rush of the sea and the muffled bass thrum of someone’s playlist still pulsing by the pool. Inside, you and Kira linger at the top of the grand staircase, your laughter echoing off limestone walls as you check each other over one last time.
Kira’s Jacquemus dress is a slip of satin, ocean green that clings to her like it’s been painted on. Her hair is pinned up messily, little strands falling out to brush her throat where a gold chain gleams. She smells like jasmine, lips slick with clear gloss that catches every beam of the hall light.
You’re in an old Saint Laurent dress of your mom’s that’s the color of ripe pomegranate, thin straps crossing your shoulders, dipping low at your back. It hugs your waist tight enough that the hem goes short when you sit, but perfect when you stand. You’ve paired it with thin, strappy black heels that make you teeter on the staircase as you walk down arm in arm with Kira, the buzz of wine making you a little clumsy already.
The boys wait below, on their phones. Junhui looks up when he hears you, dressed in a buttoned linen shirt and slacks. He looks wonderful and tan, eyes turning into hungry twin moons when he sees his girlfriend. Chan is next to him, hair still damp from the shower in a loose shirt and linen pants.
It’s Jeonghan who makes your pulse beat harder. He’s in black slacks, a black shirt unbuttoned to his sternum and sleeves rolled just enough to show the veins in his forearms when he lifts a hand to brush a long strand of black hair from his face. He leans against the balustrade, half-lidded gaze fixed on his phone until he hears you.
When he looks up, his eyes lock on you. His lips part, the tip of his tongue catching the corner. You teeter at the bottom of the stairs, letting go of Kira so she can kiss her boyfriend square on the mouth. Jeonghan pushes off the railing, closing the distance instantly.
“You’re going to kill everyone tonight,” he murmurs as his hand captures your waist. His mouth crooks at the corner. “Creature from heaven.”
Chan groans behind him, rolling his eyes so hard it’s audible. “Can we go before you two start fucking on the stairs, please?”
For a split second you think he means you and Jeonghan. Then you realize he means Kira and Junhui, who is pinned to the wall while his girlfriend peppers him in sticky, lip-gloss-kisses.
Even while several of glasses of wine in, Seungcheol has managed to organize all of the cars for the amount of people needed to get down into the city proper and to the clubs. You end up in a crammed SUV with Jeonghan pressed next to you and Chan on your lap, but your irritation abates when you get handed a glass of champagne and the air conditioner is blasting all the way into town.
When you arrive, there’s a line around the building. Chan has already made arrangements though, and your very large party is led to the front of the line where your IDs are checked and you’re ushered past a red velvet rope into the pulsing interior.
Inside the club is alive. You can feel the bass in your teeth, the lights pulsing soft and low with flashes of pink and red. Heat crawls up the walls, bodies pressed together. Your group is escorted through the throngs of bodies and people to a private section perched above the dance floor, half-hidden by drapes.
Plush velvet couches, gold-rimmed tables and an ice bucket brimming with bottles greet you. There’s no shortage of variety of alcohol and Soonyoung is already pulling out a bottle of champagne and getting on the couch to pop it, everyone turning their phones to him as he announces the official kick off the European Vacation.
Kira hands you a flute of champagne and you take it gratefully, perching next to her on the couch. Your dress immediately rides up and Junhui yells in terror as he tries to yank it back down, getting a chorus of laughter.
Jeonghan lounges next to you, one arm hooked lazily along the back of the couch. He eyes flick to your bare thigh and he raises his brows, earning him a middle finger from you which makes him laugh deeply as he sips champagne.
Soonyoung whoops loud enough to draw eyes from the floor below. He drags Chan and Vernon into a spin, forcing them to drink straight from the neck of a champagne bottle, half the fizz spilling onto expensive shoes.
People start to peel out of the section to head toward the dance floor. Hana leans in toward Jeonghan, eyes wide and bright under the swirl of pink and purple lights. Her hand skims his knee.
She says something to him that you can’t hear and he nods, getting up from the seat. He hesitates, looking at you, as if waiting for you to stay something. To stop him. You don’t. And then he’s gone, his silhouette folding into Hana’s as they slip out of the section into the press of people on the landing.
It shouldn’t sting but it does. You chase it with a shot poured by Junhui’s deft fingers, the burn washing it down. Kira tugs your wrist when you slump back.
“Don’t pout,” she teases. “He always comes back.”
You know he does. Still, it drives you crazy as you sit there for a few songs longer before Kira is pulling Junhui and Junhui is pulling you and you’re pulling Wonwoo. Wonwoo groans and complains the entire time, telling you that he doesn’t want to dance. You don’t care, just needing someone safe to counterbalance the way the world spins with your buzz.
On the dance floor, you drag Wonwoo with you. Mingyu spots the two of you and immediately you find yourself pressed between the two of them, laughing loudly as their sweaty bodies cage you in. You lift your hands, letting your cares fall away as you dance pressed between your friends, shouting along with them to a song you don’t know the words to.
You only see Jeonghan for a blip, a tiny break in the crowd as you turn your head. His hands are on Hana’s hips, mouth at her ear. His sharp smile slices through the dark and you feel it all over again, the knife under your ribs that you refuse to take out no matter how much it fucking cuts you.
You think about pretending you don’t care. You think about turning and finding Soonyoung and taking shots with him until it doesn’t hurt anymore. You think about a hundred ways to cut the fucking longing out of your chest.
None of them will work, though. Well - maybe they would. You don’t try, which is the problem.
“Dance with me.”
The voice startles you and you whirl around. You hadn’t realized you’d drifted from the safety of Wonwoo and Mingyu into the crowd. Pink and blue flash against Jeonghan’s face. He looks like an angel and a demon both, dark hair sticking to sweaty temples, the collar of his shirt open to reveal the necklace - the one you got him.
Light-headed, you nod. You let him pull you under, the beat swallowing you both as he tugs you toward him. He presses you into him, molding the two of you together. Your hips catch his, rolling as his breath fans your throat, mouth almost at your jaw.
“What if we just did it?” Jeonghan asks. His voice is so soft you almost miss it. You pull back to look at him, expecting him to be sharp and teasing but he’s not. He’s vulnerable. Serious. Open. “What if we just stop pretending? For vacation. Not rules. No regrets. Just genuinely what we fucking want while we’re here.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean. Just let us not hold back. For once.”
Your mind spins. What would it mean to give in? The ache could finally be quieted. No masks. No pretending.
But the lines between want and consequence are razor thin. You know it. You know Jeonghan knows it, and he’s asking anyway. And what happens when the vacation ends?
What if you just don’t care? The thought of just trying it out while you're on vacation appeals to you. There’s no rules here, living in a bubble until you go back home. You can do that, right?
You breathe deep, heart pounding. “Take me home, Jeonghan.”
His mouth finds your pulse. His hand fists in your dress. He laughs, hoarse and relieved. “Thank fuck.”
Jeonghan’s hand is firm around your waist, guiding you through the crowd like you’re the only two people in the room. The bass thumps behind you, a distant heartbeat as you slip toward the exit. Near the door, Jeonghan pauses, his gaze flicking to Junhui, who’s watching you both with a faint crease of suspicion knitting his brows.
“I’m not feeling well,” you shout to him. “He’s taking me home.”
Junhui studies you, eyes searching for any sign of discomfort on your face. You feign a weary smile, a tilt of your head. It’s enough to soften the question in Junhui’s gaze. He lets out a slow breath, nodding reluctantly. “Alright. Just… text me when you get there.”
“Will do.”
The night air wraps around you as you slide into the car, the soft leather cool beneath you. Jeonghan’s fingers find your thigh almost immediately, the brush light but electric. “Not feeling well, huh?”
The car glides smoothly onto the darkened road, the soft hum of tires against asphalt a quiet rhythm beneath the low pulse of music playing just for you two. The city’s bright chaos falls away behind you, swallowed by the night.
You roll your eyes, but your pulse betrays you, quickening with the heat of his touch. “Shut up. I hated lying to him.”
“I can make it better. You want me to?”
Your breath hitches. Jeonghan’s hand slides from your waist down to the curve of your thigh, fingers feather-light at first, tracing slow, deliberate patterns along your skin. He drags his thumb in lazy circles, slow and tantalizing, making no rush to cross the line, savoring the tension as it coils tighter between you. The warmth of his hand contrasts with the cool leather of the seat beneath you.
Jeonghan’s fingers slide a fraction higher. He teases the hem of your dress, watching you with dark eyes. “Tell me to stop.”
You don’t. Instead, you let your hand find his on your thigh, squeezing just enough to say yes without words. His thumb slides upward now, inch by tantalizing inch, slipping beneath the hem of your dress, stroking high up on your thigh, fingers brushing dangerously close to the edge of your underwear.
The car pulls up the winding path to the estate, the shadows of cypress trees long and dark beneath the low moonlight. The house looms like a silent guardian, white limestone glowing softly in the night, the jasmine scent thicker now in the warm air.
Your heart pounds, loud and erratic as Jeonghan helps you out of the car. The cool night air brushes against your flushed skin, but the heat curling inside you is relentless. His hand settles possessively on your lower back. He leads you upstairs, the grand staircase creaking softly beneath your feet. The corridor is dim, lit only by the moonlight filtering through tall windows, casting silvery patterns on the polished wood floors.
You reach the door to his room, heavy oak with wrought iron hinges, carved with delicate floral patterns. Jeonghan’s hand grazes your hip as he pushes the door open.
Inside, the room is spacious but intimate. It’s draped in deep, velvety shadows and soft pools of golden lamplight. The walls are lined with bookshelves overflowing with well-worn volumes and small sculptures. A low canopy bed dominates the room, draped in sheer curtains that whisper with the faintest breeze from an open window.
The bed linens are silk, dark plum in color, smooth and inviting. A thick, handwoven rug cushions the floor, the scent of sandalwood and jasmine hanging heavy in the air. There’s a small writing desk cluttered with paper and an old brass lamp.
Jeonghan closes the door behind you with a slow deliberate motion, his eyes never leaving yours. His fingers find your jaw, tilting your face upward as his voice drops, low and certain. “Like I said. Creature from heaven.”
His mouth brushes yours first, gentle and patient, softening into a hunger that makes your knees weak. You sigh into him, head spinning. His hands tighten around you, one dropping down to brush his callused fingers across your thighs.
Jeonghan pulls you flush to him. You tremble beneath his touch as his lips find the bare skin at the hollow of your throat, sucking and kissing, tongue and teeth. You melt against him, arms wrapping around his neck, fingers threading in his long hair. It feels sinful and you don’t care, every concern and fear melting away as his tongue presses to soothe the sting of his teeth.
His hands slide beneath the hem of your dress, teasing over the soft swell of your ass, fingertips digging into the flesh as he squeezes. His mouth trails down, hot and reverent, pressing open-mouthed kisses along the curve of your collarbone, the soft rise and fall of your chest.
The world contracts to the small space of his room, the scent of Jeonghan’s woody cologne, the soft rustle of silk sheets as he draws you down onto the bed. His mouth trails fire along your collarbone and across your shoulders. You shake beneath his touch, breath coming out ragged and he’s barely done anything.
Carefully, Jeonghan peels your dress off. You let him, the warm buzz in your veins giving you the confidence to stare back at him as he drinks you in. His pupils dilate when he sees you splayed on the bed, chest heaving, skin shining with the spit from his open-mouthed kisses. It’s chill in the room, nipples tightening under his gaze.
“You’re fucking otherwordly,” he murmurs, running a hand through his hair as he stares down at you. “You have no idea.”
His praise makes you squirm. His fingers dance up your ribs until he’s brushing your nipples, thumbs flicking back and forth over them. You moan, your chest arching into him. He pinches your nipples gently, sending a jolt of pleasure spiraling through you. He bites his bottom lip, grinning as he palms you, hands warm.
Jeonghan crawls over you, his knees bracketing your hips. He plants his hand on either side of your head, lowering himself so that his nose brushes yours. His breath is shaky, eyes impossibly dark. You reach your hands up to rest on his hips, fingers curling into his shirt.
“Tell me what you want,” he whispers.
“You.”
He smiles and kisses you again. It’s like he’s starving. His tongue slides against yours, slow and deep, and you taste the faint sweetness of champagne. Your hands fist in his shirt, pulling him closer, and he groans into your mouth, the sound vibrating through your chest.
His lips leave yours to trail down your neck, leaving a wet, burning path. His teeth graze the sensitive skin just below your ear, and you gasp, arching into him. His hands roam lower, fingers skimming the lace edge of your underwear, teasing but not yet giving. The fabric clings to your skin, damp with arousal. He pauses there, his breath hot against your collarbone as he presses a kiss to the hollow of your throat, fingers pressing to the stickiness of your underwear.
“Jeonghan,” you whisper, voice shaky with need, and he hums against your skin.
His fingers hook into the waistband of your underwear but don't pull them down. Instead, he lowers himself, kissing a slow, torturous path down your stomach, his lips brushing just above your navel, then lower, until his breath is warm against the lace.
He looks up at you through his lashes, eyes dark. He grins like a cat before he leans forward and presses a wet kiss to your clothed pussy. You jolt, the stimulation something but not nearly enough. He presses his tongue to your entrance through the fabric, letting his spit soak the silk as you moan, melting under this mouth.
His hands grip your thighs, spreading them gently, holding you open as he works you through the fabric. The lace clings to your skin, soaked now, and every stroke of his tongue sends sparks spiraling through you, building a pressure that’s almost unbearable.
“Fuck, you’re so wet,” he murmurs against you, voice rough.
He sucks gently through the lace, the sensation sharp and sweet, and your hips buck involuntarily. His grip tightens, keeping you in place, a soft chuckle escaping him at your desperation. He’s a menace, mouthing at you messily over the fabric, knowing he’s infuriating you because you can’t even properly feel him.
“Patience, love,” he says, but there’s a tremor in his voice, like he’s just as undone as you are.
Finally - mercifully - his fingers hook into the lace and pull it aside, exposing you to the cool air and the heat of his gaze. He grins and leans forward, inky eyes flicking up to meet yours as his tongue dips between your folds.
There’s no barrier now, just the slick, hot glide of his tongue licking through your cunt. His tongue is slow and deliberate, turning your thoughts to static. You feel a buzz all over, a shiver rippling down your spine as he pins you flat to the bed.
“Shit,” you gasp. You can feel your heart pounding in your chest, pulse hammering your throat. “Fuck, Jeonghan.”
Jeonghan’s mouth is divine. He licks and sucks gently, teasing your entrance with his tongue before circling your clit with broad, lazy strokes. Your hands fist in the silk sheets, chest heaving as you arch into his mouth. He hums and you can feel the curve of his smile as he eats your pussy lazily, moving at his own pace, savoring you.
“Jeonghan please,” you whimper, unsure what you’re asking for.
Your broken voice makes him groan against you, the hum buzzing right through your pussy. Your toes curl and you thrash against the mattress. He shifts, one hand leaving your thigh to slide two fingers inside you, slow and deliberate, curling just right. The stretch is perfect, just enough to make you feel full.
“You taste so good,” he murmurs, lips brushing your clit as he speaks. “I could do this all night.”
You think he might if you let him. His fingers pump in and out, each press in hooking against the spot that makes you see stars. He’s not fast but he’s deliberate, watching you with dark eyes as he sucks your clit in time with the thrust of his fingers.
He’s obnoxious with it, his mouth loud as he sucks sharply at your clit. You might roll your eyes or make fun of him if it didn’t feel so damn good, too distracted by the orgasm building in your gut to prod at him for putting on a show.
The pleasure builds and builds, a tight coil in your stomach, and you feel the weight of all those years of wanting, all those almosts, pressing down on you now, making every sensation sharper, more urgent. He can tell you’re close, his fingers curling deeper, his tongue flicking a little faster.
When you finally come, it’s like a dam breaking, pleasure washing over you so intense that you can’t breathe, drowning in the feel of his tongue fucking your entrance with his fingers, wet and loud. Your thighs shake around his head, your hands tugging in his hair and he doesn’t stop. Not until you’re whimpering and begging, oversensitive and out of breath.
Jeonghan pulls back, lips glistening and eyes hooded and dark with satisfaction. He crawls back up your body, kissing a path of spit and cum back up your stomach until his lips are crashing with yours again. You taste yourself on his tongue, uncaring. The kiss is slow and deep and you feel the weight of something between you shift.
Your fingers fumble with the buttons of his shirt, desperate to feel his skin against yours. He helps you, shrugging the fabric off to reveal the lean lines of his chest and marks you’re already familiar with: a scar on his collarbone from when he had surgery on it after breaking it falling out of a tree when you were kids. A scar from a burn mark where he’d let someone try wax play on him in college but the wax was too hot. A smattering of freckles that you think look like constellations.
His pants follow, and when he’s bare above you, you can’t help but pause, drinking in the sight of him. He’s beautiful, all sharp angles and soft skin, the chain with the J pendant glinting against his chest. His cock is hard, flushed, and you feel a fresh wave of heat at the sight of him.
Jeonghan leans down, kissing you softly, and the tenderness of it catches you off guard. “We can stop,” he says, searching your eyes. “Anytime.”
Reaching between the two of you, you wrap your hands around his cock, stroking. He moans, dropping his head to your chest. His breath fans out across a nipple, making you shiver as you pump him slowly, smiling at the weight of him in your hand.
“I don’t want to stop,” you sigh. “Unless-”
“No,” he assures you, laughing. His hips buck into your hand. He lifts his head and flicks a tongue out, swirling around your nipple. “Don’t want to stop.”
He lets you pump his cock for a few strokes, shaking as you spread precum down his shaft while he lavishes attention to your tits. You grin and he kisses the smirk off your face before he pulls himself from your grip to reach for a condom in the nightstand.
You watch with heavy-lidded eyes as he rolls it onto his glistening cock with ease. His hands are trembling, the only sign that he’s nervous, and you feel your heart stutter. He positions himself between your thighs, one hand guiding himself, the other hand braced beside your head.
When he finally pushes into you, it’s slow and deliberate. You hiss, the sound coming out between your teeth as the pressure of his cock stretching you open drives you wild. The stretch is exquisite, filling you in a way that makes your breath hitch. He pauses, looking up at you through silken lashes, his hair an inky halo around him.
You wrap your legs around his hips, urging him deeper. He curses, dropping his head to your neck to mouth at you as he moves, slow and deliberate. The sensation is overwhelming. The drag of his cock against your walls makes you spasm and he growls, struggling to keep it together as your cunt flutters around him.
Every movement is deliberate, like he’s savoring every second, every inch of you. His hand slides to your hip, gripping just hard enough to ground you, to remind you who’s here with you. It feels forbidden, like you’re stealing something you shouldn’t have. Years of friendship, of restraint, of keeping the line firm, and now you’re shattering it, giving in to the pull that’s always been there.
His thrusts deepen, still slow but heavier now, and you feel every inch of him, the way he fits like he was made for you. Your nails dig into his back, and he groans, low and rough, his control fraying at the edges.
“Look at me,” he murmurs, and you do, meeting his gaze. His eyes are dark, raw, and there’s something vulnerable there, something that makes your chest ache. “Fuck, this pussy is so fucking good.”
His hips roll harder, deeper, and you moan into his mouth, the pleasure building again, sharper this time. His hand slides between you, fingers finding your clit, rubbing slow, precise circles that make your vision white out.
Your bodies slide together, breaths mingling as he works you toward an orgasm. You feel out of your mind, thighs shaking, fingers twisted in your hair as you pant against his mouth. Nothing that comes out of you makes sense, a mess of moans and his name and curses that are so loud you’re glad no one else is at the estate.
“Come for me,” he pants, fingers working your clit as he fucks you in earnest. “Come on, love.”
You do. It’s harder than before, your body shaking as the pleasure rips through you. He groans as you clench around him, his thrusts stuttering, and you know he’s close too. He slows even more, dragging out every movement, making you feel every inch of him as he chases his own release. When he comes, it’s with a low moan, his face buried in your neck, his breath hot and ragged against your skin.
For a moment, you just lie there, tangled together, breathing heavy in the quiet. The weight of what you’ve done settles over you, a mix of exhilaration and fear. Jeonghan pulls back, his eyes searching yours. He doesn’t say anything, but he smiles and kisses you, mouth lazy.
He says inside you a moment longer, his breath a ragged hush against your neck. You feel his heartbeat pounding in sync with yours, the hush of the room only broken by your uneven breathing and the faint sounds of the night drifting through the open window.
Slowly, Jeonghan shifts, pressing one last kiss to your throat before he pulls out. The drag of him leaving you makes you whimper and he laughs, cupping your cheek with one hand.
“Easy,” he mutters. “Stay here.”
He peels himself off the bed and pads across the wooden floor, the curve of his back catching the spill of moonlight as he moves into the bathroom, tossing the condom and turning on the faucet. He returns with a damp cloth and soft towel, kneeling at the edge of the bed to part your legs gently.
You watch with stilted breath as he cleans you with slow, careful strokes, the warm cloth ghosting over your sensitive skin. His free hand strokes your thigh soothingly when you flinch at the overstimulation. He's patient, murmuring an apology when your hips jump off the bed. He reaches for the towel, blotting any leftover dampness from your inner thighs before he pats you and gets up again, throwing the towels in the hamper.
Satisfied, he climbs back into bed, tugging the silk sheets around your hips. He slides in beside you, chest bare and warm as he pulls you flush against him. His arm loops under your head like a pillow, the other curling low around your waist.
“You good?” he asks, nose brushing your hairline.
You nod. You can feel his heartbeat under your palm where it rests over his heart, steady and real.
You feel him drifting, his breathing evening out. His arm is heavy across your waist, thumb still twitching every so often like he’s tracing you even in sleep. You drift with him, half-awake, half-asleep. You doze that way, warm and safe, until a quiet bang somewhere outside the villa jolts you both awake.
It’s distant - not in the house but somewhere outside that makes your heart hammer. Jeonghan shifts first, blinking at the ceiling, hair a dark tangle across his forehead. His arm tightens around you as if reluctant to let you go. You feel the same, the sleepy warmth still coiled low in your belly, but reality seeps back in.
He sighs, his voice rough from sleep. “We should probably-”
“Yeah.”
A soft, reluctant laugh slips out of him. “God forbid Soonyoung finds you in my room like this. We’d never hear the end of it.”
“He would probably make a TikTok about it.”
That makes Jeonghan groan and squeeze you in closer for a few more moments before he finally lets you go. “Come on. I’ll walk you.”
The air is cooler now as you slip from the warmth of his bed, pulling your dress back over your shoulders. Jeonghan helps you, brushing the bare skin of your back one last time before stepping back.
He pulls sweatpants on, leaving them low on his hips as he opens the door and sticks his head out. Outside his door, the villa is hushed. The corridor stretches ahead, shadows cast long and soft in the moonlight. He takes your hand anyway, even though you’re just going a few doors down, like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
At your door, he stops. For a moment you think he might say something serious, draw the line in the sand again, but he doesn’t. He just lifts your hand, presses his lips to your knuckles. His eyes are soft, half-lidded from sleep but bright with something you’re both choosing not to name yet.
“Whatever we want,” he says again, smiling. “No regrets.”
You smile, nodding as he lets you go so you can slip back into your room. The door clicks shut behind you and you lean on it, breathless and thoughts tangled.
warnings: smut, small drabble, raw sex, cum play, rough, swearing, spanking, dirty talk
note: that's based on what tarot shows, there you go and happy vakentines day btw :)
You have no idea how you got here but you're not the slightest guilty.
"Jeonghan" you call for him even though he's already the closest he can be to you. You're tugging his hair to make him look at you "I need all of this off" you say and the curve of his mouth goes up in an almost unperceptive move but you see it.
He takes a step back and pulls his shirt over his head while you unbutton your bra, reaching to undo his jeans right after. He growls taking your waist and putting you close again.
His finger reach your chin getting your eyes back up as he takes your mouth again. His palm going down to press over your boob, pinching your nipple with his thumb and middle finger. You whimper and he takes your tongue when your lips parted turning it into a moan. Once Jeonghan feels the warm of your tongue on his, he can't help but hum in satisfaction. The vibrations hitting straight to your core.
In one motion, he's grabbing under your thigh and yanking you up, your legs wrapping around his back. He takes you both to the bed, sitting with you on his lap without leaving your lips.
The kiss is not rushed but there's too much need you can tell you're already dripping down. Once he takes a hand full of your ass, pulling and aligning your centers together, you have no doubt you're wet and you feel he's hard too.
He stops the kiss just to go down your neck, leaving bites and sucking on the way. You can't help the moans and neither the rock of your hips against his clothed core. He helps you out by pushing your ass as he growls in approval.
"Fuck, yn" he groans "I can't get enough of you"
You're a little impatient but that's just how he likes it. He's hugging your hips and in one flip motion you're on the bed and him over you. You yelp in surprise, releasing an unexpected giggle that is cut short once you see the image of him taking his jeans off in front of you, boxers also going out on the way as you rush to pull your shorts too.
His cock spread free, hitting his belly, full hard as he glups dry. He comes near, taking your panties, pulling down your legs without leaving your eyes. Once he gets to your feet, he kisses your heels, throwing your panties to the side.
He admires your laid body and how your pussy is already glistening, he barely have touched you. He does a few testing bumps on his length, his head hanging back from pleasure, he urges to get back up to look down at you. You spread your legs to welcome him and he goes for you again.
"Ready?" He asks once your face is inches from his.
"Yes" you whisper.
Jeonghan hands his base, resting his head at your clit to test the waters. Your mouth goes open in pure pleasure, your back arching as he starts to draw circles over the muscle.
His left arm rest just beside your head while the right one play his cock on you. He takes your mouth again in a messy airy kiss, while he spreads his full length over your folds. You're both a moaning mess on each other's mouths.
"Please" you plea, your nails digging to his arm.
Jeonghan hears you, alighing his head to your entrance. He swears under his breath, going slow, careful not to hurt you. His lips meating your nipple as he licks and suck feeling your cunt welcoming him even more. He goes for the other side, playing with your hard nipple, still letting you take him down there. Once he bottoms out, he loose his mind, stopping everything to catch his breath, his temple resting on your shoulders.
"So. Fucking. Tight." He praises feeling your walls hugging him perfectly.
He starts to move his hips. Pulling back leaving just his head until he pushes everything inside again. He starts slow as you slowly opens up, welcoming him to fasten his pace.
You rest your heels on his lower back already moaning. He halts his thrusts with the motion as you start to meet up with his thrusts too. Your heels pulling him in.
"You're gonna be the end of me"
He goes wild, nibbling at your breast. He comes up, his arm reaching something above your head. Jeonghan grabs a pillow, stopping his pace to come his torso up. The pillow goes under your body, his hand manhandling your sides as he starts to move again. You both moan loudly as this new position makes him reach more inside of you. The bed starts shaking but you don't care if he keeps poking the sweet spot inside you. His palm grab a hand full of your boob, his knuckles white leaving red marks on you but you don't mind. The image of jeonghan loosing it because of you, brows shut and his lip in between his teeth is worthy everything.
You feel your belly tightening, and he helps you by pressing down on it. Your walls clenching and you're close to cumming but it's left because he slips his cock out and you turn in a whiny mess.
You don't have too much time to feel the loss, because he flips you around. None of this is gentle but it's exactly how you like it. You grab the sheets, your hair all over the place and on your face. Jeonghan is already pulling your ass up, leaving a spank to the side. The sound fills the room and stings on your skin as you groan.
"Hand on the headboard" he demands and you're reaching as he's easily entering you again.
He picks up the fast pace, with rough long thrusts. The bed shaking again as you try to find leverage on the poor wood above your head.
He spreads you handing your ass. You can feel your arousal dripping, and jeonghan can't stop watching the way you take him so well from behind.
"So fucking perfect. I could breed you mine, you know that?" He gasps out.
You lower your head, not able to form coherent words, just moans.
You're both close as he keeps going. Another spank and you're loosing it. Your whole body stiffs and you come undone with his name on the tip of your tongue. Your cunt is pulsating so much that it makes it hard for jeonghan to even move inside you.
"Shit, shit, shit" he pleas because he wants to cum too and you're not letting him move.
He takes out in time, cumming all over your ass and lower back with a husky moan. You feel the hotness of his release on your skin, whimpering as it stickens.
Being a grad student swarmed with work constantly, it isn’t easy to make time to get yourself out of the house, unless it is your life and your best friend Vernon, makes sure to drag you out of the house for what he calls, “Vernon time”. When Vernon drags you to a hardcore show unknowingly, your eyes get caught on a long black haired guitarist who looks as if he has no part in a hardcore band. Going to this show was either going to be the best or worst mistake of your life.
WC:10.6k
TAGS: oblivious to love, oblivious to feelings, friends(?) to lovers, slow burn, idiots in love, slight unrequited love but it gets resolved, happy ending, a tiny small love triangle, jeonghan is in a hardcore band, jeonghan has beautiful long black hair, jeonghan is basically in love with the reader from the moment he laid eyes on her.
WARNINGS/THINGS TO MAKE NOTE OF!: No smut! Smoking, cursing, heavy making out, jeonghan kinda being sassy and angsty, i think thats it(?!)
A/N: when i first thought of this idea i literally was so excited to write it! Thank you for all of the love on my other two works, it literally means so much to me and im sooooooo happy everyone is loving them!!! I really hope u love this one, i love my jeonghan. I cannot wait for his discharge and until then, i hope this story helps all you jeonghan girlies hold out throughout the final stretch, you got this he's almost back!!!!!
“Can you turn your fucking music down, please? I can hear it through my earbuds.” You beg, turning around looking over your shoulder towards the boy sprawled on your couch scribbling something in a notebook, blasting music out of his phone.
He looks up from his notebook, tucks his pen behind his ear and gives you a puppy-like pout. “But you love my music tasteeeee!” He complains drawing out the last word of his sentence.
“Vernon, I think I would seriously, rather drop out of school than listen to your music on my own will.”
He sticks his tongue out at you. You flip him off with a small, amused smile before turning back to the kitchen table, slipping your earbuds in again. Not even ten seconds pass before you hear your name faintly over the music.
“What.” You snap back around tugging one wired earbud out.
“Please come with me to a show tonight,” Vernon says, sitting up now, his grin wide and hopeful. “It’s literally a few blocks from here.”
You hesitate.
Grad school has been eating you alive—papers, research, deadlines stacked on top of each other until you can barely think straight. You haven’t left your apartment for anything other than class and coffee runs in weeks.
Vernon, unfortunately, has noticed.
For the past month, he’s been trying to drag you out to local shows with him. He calls it “Vernon time,” like it’s some kind of scheduled, mandatory event you keep skipping out on.
You met him freshman year in your Music in Literature class. One random group assignment turned into shared notes, then late-night study sessions, then… came the inseparable dynamic duo that you are now. Years later, he’s still planted firmly in your life—loud, insistent, and impossible to ignore.
And obsessed with making you listen to music.
Every song he’s ever loved, every artist he’s ever cared about, every obscure live performance he swears will “change your life”—you’ve heard about all of it. That’s just how it works between you. He talks, you listen, and you would never want it any other way.
Even now, technically living in separate apartments doesn’t mean much. Vernon has his own key to yours, lets himself in whenever he wants, and somehow always ends up exactly where you are.
After graduation, he almost immediately landed a job at a major New York music magazine—reporting, photographing, interviewing. A dream job for him, really. You’ve never seen him so happy.
Which is exactly why he keeps trying to pull you into his world.
And exactly why you keep saying no, especially to things like this. Grad school was way more important than late night local bar shows.
You narrow your eyes at him, already half-turning back to your laptop. “And what, exactly, do I get out of this?”
Vernon doesn’t even hesitate. “Enrichment… and… Vernon time…”
You stare at him.
“Absolutely not.”
“Okay, rude,” he scoffs. A pause. “You get culture! Character development! Meet new people! A break from whatever academic fucking world you’ve been voluntarily subjecting yourself to for the past—” he glances around, squinting, “—month?”
“Three weeks,” you correct flatly.
“Don’t care. You need to get out.”
“I have a paper due.”
“And you will write it,” he says easily. “Just not tonight.”
“Yes, tonight. Because unlike you, I don’t get paid to stand around and listen to music.”
He gasps. “First of all, I do not just stand around. I help contribute to the music scene in the greater Manhattan area!”
“You take pictures of people with guitars.”
“Artists,” he corrects, offended.
“Be so fucking serious, Vernon.”
“I am serious,” he insists, leaning forward, elbows on his knees. “I’m also serious about you needing to leave this apartment.”
You huff, crossing your arms, but you don’t turn back to your laptop this time.
He notices.
His voice softens—just a little. It’s sweet. “It’s two hours. You can stand there, judge everyone silently, and then we’ll leave. I’ll even buy you food after.”
“That’s bribery.”
“That’s friendship.”
“That’s stupid.”
“That my friend, is Vernon time.” he smiles big.
“It’s not even a big thing,” he adds, nudging. “It’s close. Low commitment. If you hate it, we leave. No complaints. I’ll personally walk you back, tuck you in, and let you ignore me for another week.”
“…You already don’t listen when I ignore you.”
“Okay, fair,” he admits. “But I’ll try harder.”
There’s a pause.
“You are fucking relentless.” You sigh, long and dramatic, dragging a hand down your face. “I’ll go, but we’re not staying long.”
His entire face lights up instantly. “Deal.”
You grab your purse from the table, ready to leave the house in exactly what you are wearing now. Baggy jeans, a white tank top and oversized zip up zipped half way.
“…This is a terrible idea,” you mumble.
Vernon grins, already on his feet, camera bag in hand. “Vernon time has historically only been fantastic.”
“For you.” You say patting his back patronizingly as he walks towards the door.
A six block walk doesn’t sound like much—until you actually walk it after weeks of being cooped up.
The air is cooler than your apartment, the city louder in a different way. Cars passing, distant chatter, the hum of people existing outside of deadlines and word counts. It feels… strange, but maybe it has just been a while since you experienced the city you live in.
You adjust the strap of your bag on your shoulder. “This better be worth it.”
Vernon huffs out a quiet laugh. “Wow. Your faith in me is overwhelming.”
“I’m serious.”
“I know,” he says, nudging your arm lightly. “That’s what makes it funny.”
When you finally reach the place, you nearly walk right past it, as Vernon grabs your arm to make sure you don’t do just that.
It’s tucked between two buildings, easy to miss if you’re not looking for it. A dim, flickering light hangs above a narrow entrance that leads down a set of concrete stairs.
Right beside it, there’s a cramped alley—graffiti lining the brick walls, a couple of people smoking weed, talking loudly over the faint thrum of bass that seeps out from underground.
“…This is it?”
Vernon nods a little too quickly. “Yep. Kind of hidden, but that’s part of the charm.” He smiles positively.
The deeper you go down the stairs, the louder it gets. The bass vibrates through the walls, through your feet, through your chest.
And the second Vernon pushes through the door—
It hits you.
Sound crashes over you all at once—loud, aggressive, overwhelming. Guitars screech, drums pound, and the vocals are less singing and more raw, guttural shouting.
The room is packed. Bodies moving, thrashing all over each other.
“…Vernon did you take me to a fucking hardcore show?!” You yell at him over the blaring music.
He just looks at you—
And smiles.
Nervously.
You should’ve known.
You had gotten used to this side of him—the late nights, the endless “just watch this one set,” the way he’d dragged you into watching that ridiculously laggy Lollapalooza Argentina livestream just to make you watch Turnstile at one in the morning.
You had complained the entire time.
What Vernon doesn’t know—what he will absolutely never know—is that after that night, you downloaded Never Enough and ended up playing it on loop during study sessions more times than you’d ever admit.
Your glare softens just a fraction, just enough for him to notice.
“…If I get hit—”
“You won’t.”
“I’m blaming you.”
“Fair.”
The current song comes to a sudden, crashing end—one last scream into the mic, one final slam of drums.
You blink, slightly disoriented.
“…Is it over?”
“Set change,” Vernon says, already pulling his camera out from his bag, fingers moving quickly and automatically as he adjusts the settings. “That was the opener.”
“That was the opener?” you repeat, incredulous.
He just grins.
You barely have time to process it before movement starts again on stage. A new group pushes through—four guys, setting up quickly like they’ve done this a hundred times before.
The drummer hops behind the kit, spinning a stick in his hand with way too much enthusiasm. The bassist adjusts his strap, expression calm and focused. Off to the side, the guitarist casually plugs in, long black hair falling into his face as he shakes it back.
Your eyes linger for half a second.
Sharp features, effortless in that way that looks like he didn’t even try, he just exists like that. The long black hair doesn’t help whatsoever.
You blink, looking away almost immediately.
Not your problem.
The vocalist steps up to the mic, grabbing it with a grin that feels just a little unhinged.
“WHAT’S UP,” he shouts, voice already rough, already loud enough to cut through the room. “We’re Shovel Fight Club!”
You turn your head slowly toward Vernon.
“…You’re kidding.”
“I wish I was,” he says, way too amused.
On stage, the vocalist continues like that is a completely normal thing to say.
“We’ve got one song for you—so if you’re gonna lose your mind, do it now!”
The crowd immediately surges forward again.
“Of course they only have one song,” you mutter.
“They’re new,” Vernon shrugs, lifting his camera and snapping a few quick shots. “This is who I’m here for.”
You glance at him. “You came here… for Shovel Fight Club?”
“For the article,” he corrects, already moving slightly to the side to get a better angle. “Review, photos, maybe an interview if they don’t run off immediately after.”
Before you can respond, the band launches into their song.
It’s loud. Fast. Completely unhinged.
The vocalist—Soonyoung, apparently—throws himself across the stage like he’s got something to prove. The drummer, Seokmin, is somehow even more intense, hitting like his life depends on it. The bassist, Jihoon, stays more grounded, but there’s a focus to him that stands out.
And then there’s—
Your gaze flicks back, just briefly.
The guitarist.
Jeonghan, if you heard that right.
There’s something effortless about him, fingers moving easily over the strings, long dark hair falling into his face before he pushes it back again. He’s calmer than his friends on stage, quieter.
You cross your arms, shifting your weight as the music crashes around you again, still loud, still overwhelming—but this time, just a little more familiar.
Beside you, Vernon lowers his camera for a second, glancing over.
“Well?” he asks, a hint of a grin on his face. “Still hate it?”
You hesitate.
“…I didn’t say that.”
His grin widens.
The song doesn’t really end so much as it collapses into itself.
Soonyoung is still bouncing in place at the front of the stage, grabbing the mic again even though the one song set is clearly over. Seokmin throws a drumstick into the crowd. Jihoon just wipes his face, looking mildly exhausted, like he’s already over it but also kind of satisfied. Jeonghan takes a second, scanning the room with a calmness that feels almost unfair compared to everything else happening.
Vernon is already half turned away, pulling his camera strap over his shoulder. “Yeah, I need to go grab them before they disappear.”
“Wait—what?”
“For the interview,” he says, like it’s obvious, already backing away. “Don’t move. I’ll be like ten minutes.”
You push through the crowd carefully, weaving toward the edge of the room until you find a door marked EXIT half-hidden behind a pillar.
You slip outside.
The difference is immediate.
The city sounds come back softly—distant traffic, a couple of faint car horns, the hum of streetlights overhead. The wind is cool against your face, cutting through the noise still buzzing in your ears.
You exhale slowly.
Better.
You lean against the building for a moment, rolling your shoulders back, trying to reset your brain after whatever you just witnessed inside.
Then—
click.
A lighter.
Small, sharp in the quiet.
You pause.
Another flick. Then a pause. Then the soft glow of flame catching briefly before disappearing again.
Curiosity pulls you before you can think better of it.
You follow the sound, turning the corner into the narrow alley beside the bar.
It’s dimmer here, the light from the street barely reaching between the brick walls.
And there, leaning casually against the wall like nothing could ever bother him—
Jeonghan.
Long black hair falling loosely around his face, one hand cupping a lighter as he finally gets the cigarette lit. The flame briefly illuminates his skin before he flicks it shut, exhaling like he’s done this a thousand times without thinking.
You stop.
For a second, neither of you move.
He notices you anyway.
Of course he does.
His eyes lift slowly, calm and unreadable at first—then flicker with faint curiosity as they settle on you.
“…Want a hit?” he asks, voice low, a little rough around the edges.
You blink, caught off guard.
“I—no. I actually just needed air.”
A pause.
He takes a drag, looking at you properly now, like he’s deciding whether you’re lost, or just unfortunate enough to be outside at the same time as him.
Then, slightly amused:
“Fair.” Jeonghan shrugs
He is still, eyes scanning you.
“…Is it always that chaotic in there?” you ask, nodding vaguely toward the bar behind you.
Jeonghan lets out a quiet hum, taking another slow drag before answering. “Depends on the band.”
“That felt less like a band and more like a ‘we finally got this out of the group chat’ type thing.”
That gets a real reaction out of him—something like a short laugh, soft and surprised, like he didn’t expect you to be funny.
“Yeah,” he says, exhaling smoke to the side. “That’s… not inaccurate.”
Jeonghan shifts his weight against the brick wall, cigarette held loosely between his fingers. “So why are you out here instead of in there getting thrown into strangers?”
“I was temporarily escaping being thrown into strangers.”
“Reasonable.”
You lean back against the opposite wall now, giving yourself a little more space. “My friend abandoned me— to find your band actually.”
“The interviewer? Well he definitely found Soonyoung. That boy loves an interview. I am just lucky to have missed it, so I can now spend my time meeting someone new… and very charming may I add.” He doesn’t break eye contact with you.
You feel your face flush a red, though you doubt he will see it due to the dim lighting of this alley.
The last time someone was that forward with you was in high school when you got asked out for the first time. You politely declined because you didn’t want a “distraction from school”. Clearly, nothing has changed for you have never been on a date nor ever even spoken to people romantically ever.
You stay leaned against the opposite wall, arms loosely crossed, pretending the brick texture is suddenly fascinating enough to stare at.
Jeonghan doesn’t comment on your pause right away.
He just watches you for a second too long—like he’s noticed the shift, but isn’t interested in calling it out.
Then, as if nothing happened at all, he tilts his head slightly.
You exhale through your nose. “You’re weirdly confident for someone I just met in an alley.”
“I said what I saw.”
“That’s not how seeing works.”
“It is for me.”
That gets you—just a little. A reluctant huff of air that almost turns into a laugh.
Jeonghan notices immediately, of course.
His eyes flicker like he’s clocking every detail without trying.
“So,” he says, easing back into the wall again, “you always get flustered when strangers talk to you, or am I special?”
Shit, he can tell I'm blushing.
“I’m not flustered.”
“You looked flustered.”
You finally turn your head toward him, narrowing your eyes. “Are you always this annoying to people you don’t know?”
He is silent, taking advantage of the cloud of already formed tension above you two.
“So,” he repeats, softer this time but still curious, “what’s your name?” He takes a long drag from his withering cigarette.
You hesitate.
You study him for a second.
He looks interested.
“…Why?” you ask cautiously.
“Because it’s easier to talk to someone when you can call them something other than ‘random person in the alley,’” he says simply.
“That’s fair,” you admit reluctantly.
You give in with a small sigh. “It’s y/n.”
He repeats it once under his breath, like he’s checking how it sounds.
Then he nods. “Okay, y/n.”
Something about the way he says it makes your stomach do a small, annoying flip that you immediately ignore.
You clear your throat. “And you’re Jeonghan. I heard Soonyoung yelling it like five times.”
“I prefer when he’s quieter,” he says.
“Interesting claim from someone in a hardcore band with him.” You cross your arms looking him dead in the eyes. You want to know more about him.
Another pause settles between you—but it’s different now. Less unknown. More… defined.
“What do you do?” He asks curiously.
“Grad school.” You feel yourself rolling your eyes at your answer.
Jeonghan hums at your answer like he’s filing it away somewhere.
“Grad school,” he repeats. “You must be real smart.”
“I promise you, the success is not worth the stress.”
“That tracks,” Jeonghan says simply.
You huff a small laugh before he tilts his head slightly, studying you again—still curious, still unbothered.
“What kind of music do you like then, y/n?” he asks.
You blink at him.
“That feels like a loaded question.”
“It’s not.”
You hesitate.
Because the honest answer feels stupid in your head. Like it doesn’t fit you standing here in an alley, talking to someone like him.
“I don’t know,” you say carefully. “I listen to… a bit of everything.”
“That’s a fake answer,” he says immediately.
You squint at him. “Excuse me?”
“No one who listens to everything actually listens to everything.”
“That’s not—” you stop, then sigh. “Okay. Fine. I really don’t hate hardcore.”
Jeonghan’s eyebrows lift slightly.
“…You don’t hate it?” he repeats.
“I didn’t say I’m obsessed with it.”
“But you don’t hate it.”
You roll your eyes, but there’s less distance in it now.
Jeonghan shifts against the brick wall, cigarette still between his fingers, then glances at it briefly as if only now remembering it’s there.
“Sure you don’t want a hit?” he asks.
His tone is different than before. It was casual, normal. Like it’s an option you’re allowed to take or ignore without it meaning anything about you.
You glance at it.
Then at him.
“I don’t really smoke,” you say.
Jeonghan doesn’t react immediately. He just watches you for a second longer than necessary, like he’s registering more than your words.
“Yeah,” he says finally, like that checks out.
A beat passes.
The alley is quieter than it should be for how loud your brain feels.
Jeonghan doesn’t push. Doesn’t insist. Just holds it there in his hand like it’s still your choice, not a test.
That’s what makes it worse.
Because it doesn’t feel like pressure.
It feels like permission.
“…Actually,” you say before you can fully talk yourself out of it, “give me that.”
His brows lift slightly.
“Yeah?” he asks, calm.
You hesitate for half a second too long, then step closer and take it.
Your fingers brush his… and you are very aware of it.
Jeonghan’s gaze flickers down for the briefest moment—then back to your face, like he’s pretending he didn’t notice either.
You bring it to your lips.
Inhale.
It burns—sharp and immediate—but this time you don’t pull away right away. You hold it a little longer, exhale slowly, and cough into your sleeve, eyes watering slightly.
Jeonghan lets out a quiet laugh under his breath.
Not mocking.
Just… pleased.
“Told you,” he says.
You glare at him lightly. “That was still awful.”
He takes it back when you hand it over, fingers brushing yours again—slower this time, more deliberate in a way he doesn’t comment on.
But his eyes stay on you.
You notice that.
Of course you do.
“JEONGHAN.”
Both of you turn.
Soonyoung is standing at the entrance to the alley, hands on his head, looking personally offended by the universe.
“You were supposed to do the interview!” he yells. “I TOLD YOU ABOUT IT TWICE. TWICE MAN!”
Behind him, Vernon appears a second later—slower, more confused, eyes scanning the scene like he’s trying to compute it.
A smile grows instantly wide in amusement on Vernon’s face. “Holy shit, y/n I-” He laughs to himself not even finishing the sentence.
Soonyoung finally notices you properly and immediately looks even more annoyed. “Why is there a civilian in the alley with my guitarist?”
Jeonghan doesn’t move away from you.
Doesn’t look guilty either.
He just laughs to himself.
“Ignore him.” Jeonghan whispers towards your direction.
“Oh my god,” Vernon laughs to himself.
You frown. “What?”
Vernon points vaguely at you like he’s just solved a puzzle. “You’re talking to people.”
“…Yes?”
“Like,” he gestures again, more animated now, “people people. Outside. In an alley. With a cigarette. With—” he looks at Jeonghan, then back at you, “—someone who is, like, objectively attractive.”
“…I hate you.” You glare at your best friend, waving him a goodbye.
Vernon laughs as he walks back into the bar below the ground, Soonyoung casting Jeonghan a fake-angry judgemental look as he follows Vernon.
“Your friend is… intense,” you say, still scanning Jeonghan’s features.
He lets out a breath. “That’s one word for it.”
A pause.
“You know what y/n, I like you.” He nods his head, putting out the cigarette butt on the brick wall behind him. He drops the cigarette on the ground below his feet and pulls out his phone from his back pocket. “Phone number, please.” He gives a very cute yet pleased smile.
“You will be lucky if I can get away from work for a moment to even respond.” You say grabbing the phone from his hand and typing in your number.
“I’d consider myself the luckiest guy in the world.” He locks eyes with you, smiling a true, genuine smile.
You feel your cheeks heat up again.
“Keep telling yourself that.” You say, beginning to walk out of the alleyway, towards the bar.
“I’m glad you decided to come out tonight y/n.” Jeonghan speaks sincerely.
Vernon flops back harder into the couch cushions, one arm thrown over his eyes like he’s been personally wronged by the concept of journalism.
“Like… I don’t know man. Soonyoung’s answers are just like, not what you want to publish in an article… you know?” He bites on the end of his pen again, frowning at the notebook in his lap. “I don’t really know how I am going to publish these.”
You pull your blanket tighter around your shoulders, curled into the opposite end of the couch, still riding the weird aftertaste of the night.
“…How bad are we talking?” you ask.
Vernon lifts his arm just enough to look at you. “One of my questions was about their musical influences.”
“Okay.”
“He said—and I’m quoting—‘sometimes I just hear a noise in my brain and chase it.’”
You blink.
“…That’s kind of poetic.”
“That’s not helpful,” Vernon groans, dropping his arm back over his face. “What am I supposed to do with that? I can’t put that in print like that. My editor will think I made it up.”
He leans forward now, elbows on his knees, already thinking ahead. You can see it happen in real time—the shift from complaining to problem-solving.
“…They’ve got another show in a few days,” he says.
You glance at him. “And?”
“And I can redo it,” he continues. “Or—better—I can just ask the other guys everything this time.”
“That sounds ideal.”
“Right?” He points the pen at you again, more animated now. “So I go, I get actual usable material, and my article doesn’t get rejected.”
He takes a pause, now locking eyes with you.
“Come with me again.”
You immediately shake your head. “No.”
“Why not?”
“I already did my one chaotic band night for the year.” You let out a quiet laugh despite yourself.
“…Also,” he adds, softer now but very intentional, “you might run into your alley friend again.”
Your grip on the blanket tightens just slightly.
“That’s not—” you start, then stop. “That’s not a reason.”
“Didn’t say it was,” he shrugs.
A pause settles.
Your brain, unhelpfully, fills in the gaps anyway—
dim light, brick walls, the flick of a lighter, the way your name sounded in his voice.
You exhale slowly.
“…I’ll think about it,” you say.
Vernon nods immediately, like he’s already won. “Yeah. That’s fine.”
Pages of notes. Articles. Highlighted readings that all start to blur together until you’re not entirely sure if you’ve read something already or just thought about reading it.
No texts from anyone but Vernon and your mom, not like you were looking for a text from someone or anything…
Vernon shows up to your apartment… more than once.
Uninvited, every time.
The first time, he brings food and complains about revisions on his reviews.
The second time, he “accidentally” stays for six hours.
The third time, he doesn’t even explain—just walks in, drops onto your couch, and starts talking like he lives there.
Each time, you pretend to be annoyed.
Each time, you get less convincing about it.
Because as much as he distracts you— It’s better than the silence.
You feel—
Restless.
Slightly unhinged, if you’re being honest.
So when the text comes in:
Vernon: Show’s tonight. You coming or what?
You don’t overthink it.
For once.
Y/n: Yeah
“Wow,” Vernon says beside you as you walk toward the venue, hands shoved into his jacket pockets. “She leaves the house.”
“Don’t make it a thing.”
“It’s a huge thing,” he says. “Documented event. I should write about this instead.”
“You’re not funny.”
“I’m a little funny.”
You huff, but it doesn’t stick.
Because the truth is— You needed this. So so bad.
The venue is smaller this time.
Tighter. Warmer. Less overwhelming—but louder in a way that settles into your chest instead of crashing over your head.
It feels… easier to breathe here. Just noise. Light. Energy.
And the faint, creeping awareness that— You might actually be glad you came.
You are approached by a ball of energy.
Soonyoung runs up to the two of you without warning and starts jumping up and down, so excited to see a familiar face.
“You came back! To see me?!” He turns to Vernon giving him a big hug.
Vernon is taken aback as he pats Soonyoung’s back lightly, confused by the sudden hug.
Soongyoug takes a big step back, a smile beaming across his face.
Vernon shifts his bag higher on his shoulder, already slipping back into work mode now that he’s inside. “So Soonyoung, we should probably redo that interview.”
Soonyoung blinks. “Redo?”
“Yeah,” Vernon nods. “And I’m also grabbing Jihoon this time.”
At the mention of Jihoon, Soonyoung immediately makes a face. “Why him?”
“Because,” Vernon says patiently, “he answers questions like a normal human being.”
“I answer questions!” Soonyoung protests.
“You said your main musical influence was ‘a noise in your brain,’” Vernon deadpans.
“That’s real!” Soonyoung insists, turning to you for backup. “You get it, right?”
You hesitate.
“…Conceptually.”
Vernon cuts in. “So I’m talking to you again, and then I’m talking to Jihoon so I can get at least one quote my editor won’t think is fake.”
Soonyoung crosses his arms for all of two seconds—
Then immediately drops them, already over it.
“Fine. I’ll answer them better this time. Come on, let’s do it now before I forget what I was going to say.” He gives Vernon a fake pout before immediately smiling and rushing towards Jihoon, leaving you behind.
And just like that—
You’re alone again.
Well.
Not alone.
The room hums with energy, people shifting, talking, waiting for the set to start. The lights are low, the air warmer than outside, buzzing with anticipation.
You shift your weight slightly, taking it in.
A voice cuts in beside you.
“Hey—uh, have you seen Soonyoung?”
You turn.
He’s already looking at you expectantly, slightly out of breath like he’s been making rounds. There’s an easy warmth to him—open expression, soft eyes, the kind of presence that doesn’t feel overwhelming, just… bright. You recognize him.
Not immediately by name—but by presence. The drummer. The one Vernon wouldn’t stop talking about on the walk home. Something about energy, timing, “actually carrying the set,”—you didn’t understand half of it, but you remember him.
“I was told he came this way,” he adds, glancing around before his eyes land back on you.
“Yeah,” you nod, grounding yourself. “He just got pulled into an interview.”
“Ah,” he laughs, easy and warm. “Yeah, that sounds right.”
There’s a small pause.
Then he straightens slightly, offering a smile that feels genuine without trying too hard.
“I’m Seokmin, by the way.”
You tell him your name, and something in his expression shifts—brightens, like it means something to him.
“Y/N,” he repeats, careful with it. “Nice to meet you.”
“You too.”
You hesitate for half a second, then add, “I saw you at the last show.”
His brows lift slightly, pleasantly surprised. “Oh yeah?”
“My friend was reviewing it,” you explain. “He kept talking about the drummer on the way home.”
Seokmin blinks.
Then breaks into a grin—wide, a little bashful, but clearly pleased.
“Hopefully good things?”
“Very good things,” you say. “Something about you ‘carrying the set.’”
He lets out a soft laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. “That’s—wow. Okay. I’ll take that.”
There’s no ego in it. Just… genuine happiness.
It makes something in your chest loosen a little.
“Are you here with him again?” he asks, nodding toward the back where Soonyoung disappeared.
“Yeah,” you say. “He just got kidnapped for interview round two.”
Seokmin nods knowingly. “Yeah, Soonyoung gets excited about that stuff.”
“That’s one way to put it.”
“He probably didn’t even let your friend finish a sentence.”
“He absolutely did not.”
That earns another laugh from him—easy, unforced. The conversation settles naturally after that.
He asks about your life and then proceeds to ask about Grad school. He asks about your program—not in a way that feels like small talk, but like he’s actually curious.
You answer, expecting the usual polite nods.
Instead, he listens. Fully. Asks questions that make sense. Reacts in a way that makes you feel like you’re not just filling space. And without realizing it, you start relaxing into it.
Talking more. Laughing a little.
Forgetting, briefly, to overanalyze every word coming out of your mouth.
It’s… comfortable.
“Hey,” he says, a bit softer. “This might be kind of bold.”
Your stomach flips slightly. “Oh.”
He smiles—just a little, like he knows how that sounded.
“But I think you’re really pretty,” he says, straightforward. “And I’ve been really enjoying talking to you.”
Your brain—
Fully short-circuits.
You just stare at him for a second, processing.
“…Oh,” you say again, quieter.
You can feel the heat rising to your face instantly, and this time there’s no pretending it’s not happening.
Seokmin notices—but doesn’t make a thing out of it. Doesn’t tease. Doesn’t push.
Just stays steady.
“I was wondering,” he continues gently, “if you’d want to hang out sometime. Somewhere quieter. So we can actually talk without yelling over music.”
You blink.
Because no one has ever asked you that so simply before.
No guessing. No weird tension. No games.
Just—
Honest.
You think about the past week—being stuck inside, buried in notes, pacing your apartment like you were slowly losing it.
You think about how easy this conversation felt.
How light it feels right now.
And how you don’t think you want it to end.
“I—” you start, then stop, letting out a small breath.
“…Yeah,” you say, a little surprised at yourself. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
Seokmin’s face lights up immediately.
Not exaggerated—just real. Bright. Happy.
“Yeah?” he asks, just to be sure.
You nod, a small smile breaking through. “Yeah.”
“Okay,” he says, almost to himself, like he’s locking it in. “Cool.”
He lets out a quiet laugh, rubbing the back of his neck again. “I’m really glad I came looking for Soonyoung.”
You huff softly. “Me too.”
“Hey, Seokmin—”
The voice comes from just behind him.
Familiar.
You don’t even need to turn fully to know who it is—but you do anyway.
Jeonghan steps into view like he’s been there longer than he should’ve been. Calm. Collected. Like he didn’t just insert himself into the conversation with suspiciously perfect timing.
His eyes flick to Seokmin first.
Then to you.
And something shifts—just slightly—when they land. Not surprise.
Recognition.
“…Y/N,” he says, like he expected you to be here.
Your stomach does that same annoying flip again.
“Hi,” you manage.
Seokmin glances between the two of you, already picking up on something he doesn’t fully understand.
“Oh—you guys know each other?” he asks.
“A little,” Jeonghan answers before you can, tone casual. Easy. “Met outside last time.”
You nod. “Yeah. Briefly.”
“Oh,” he says. “Okay.”
Jeonghan shifts his attention back to him, like that part of the conversation is already over.
People get busy. Shows happen. Life moves fast. It’s not that deep. But then a few more days pass, and the silence stops feeling neutral and starts feeling pointed.
No text from Seokmin.
Not even a delayed “hey sorry I disappeared.”
Just… nothing.
Which would be fine, if you hadn’t said yes to hanging out. If there hadn’t been that moment—clear, simple, easy.
If Jeonghan hadn’t stepped in right after and somehow shifted everything without explaining a single thing he did.
That part sticks with you.
Not because you’re angry but because you’re confused in a way that keeps circling back on itself whenever you try to focus on anything else.
Right now, you’re in the public library, trying to study.
Keyword: trying.
Your notes are open in front of you, but your eyes keep drifting off the page. The words blur together until they don’t mean anything anymore.
You exhale sharply and push your laptop back a few inches.
“…This is ridiculous,” you mutter under your breath.
You shouldn’t care this much.
You barely know him.
And yet—
He asked you out.
Clearly.
And then just… nothing.
Your phone sits beside your notebook. You flip it over without thinking.
Stare at it.
Then your frustration wins before your logic can catch up.
You open your messages.
Y/n: did you ever tell seokmin anything
about me saying yes
to hanging out?
It feels blunt. Maybe too blunt, but you’re past carefully wording things at this point.
You hit send.
A few seconds pass.
Then your phone buzzes.
Jeonghan: no
You stare at the message.
Your chest tightens slightly—not dramatic, just that annoying sinking feeling of something clicking into place.
“…Right,” you murmur to yourself.
That explains it.
At least partially.
You lean back in your chair, looking up at the ceiling for a second before typing again.
Y/n: So he doesn’t know?
Jeonghan: no.
Of course he doesn’t know. Of course nothing moved forward. Of course it just… stopped in Jeonghan’s hands and never left them.
You decide to take matters into your own hands.
Y/n: I am not doing this over text.
Meet me at the library on Morgan Street, I’ll be here until 5.
Jeonghan: okay
You try—briefly—to go back to your notes.
It doesn’t work.
Your brain is too loud now and way too aware of everything you still don’t understand.
So you sit there.
Waiting.
Five minutes pass.
Then ten.
The library stays quiet around you—pages turning, soft footsteps, the distant hum of air conditioning—but your attention keeps snapping toward the entrance every time someone walks past your aisle.
You tell yourself you’re not impatient.
You are simply here to get answers.
Nothing more.
Then—
You see him.
Jeonghan steps into the library like he doesn’t belong in it, but also like he doesn’t care.
No stage energy. No cigarette smoke. No chaos.
Just… composed.
A little more put together than you’re used to seeing him. Hair beautiful, black and long, hitting his shoulders matching his black sweater and dark blue jeans.
His eyes scan the room once.
Then land on you.
A small smile.
He starts walking toward you without hesitation, weaving between tables quietly, like even his footsteps are aware of where he is.
He stops in front of your table.
“Hey,” he says softly.
You look up at him, arms still folded loosely over your notes.
“…Hi,” you reply.
He glances briefly at your setup. “You said you didn’t want to do this over text.”
“I didn’t,” you say. Then, sharper than you mean it to be: “And you were being weirdly vague.”
Jeonghan’s smile doesn’t disappear, but it shifts slightly—like he’s registering your tone without reacting to it.
“I was answering you,” he says simply.
“That’s not the same thing as explaining anything.”
He hums lightly, like he’s considering that.
Then, instead of arguing, he just pulls out the chair across from you and sits down.
Calm.
Like he has time.
Like he always has time.
And somehow—
That makes you even more annoyed.
You wait for him to say something first. You want him to say something first. He didn’t put you through days of waiting for you to get the first word in, the ball was in his court.
Though you want his voice to be the first to cut through silence, you both were getting nowhere sitting across from each other awkwardly looking up and down between the table and each other.
“So,” you say finally, keeping your voice low, “are you going to explain anything or just sit there looking mysterious in a public library?”
A faint exhale through his nose—almost a laugh.
Then he looks at you properly.
“I was jealous,” he says.
“…What?”
Jeonghan doesn’t repeat it like he regrets it. Doesn’t soften it either.
“I was jealous,” he says again, a little slower this time, like he’s making sure you actually hear it. “Of Seokmin asking you to hang out.”
That is not the answer you were expecting.
You lean back slightly in your chair, searching his face like there’s going to be a second explanation hidden somewhere behind it.
“…You were jealous,” you repeat, quieter now.
“Yes.”
That simple.
Then let out a short, disbelieving laugh under your breath.
“I did not expect to see an earnest side of you,” you say.
His eyes flicker slightly at that, like he’s registering the word.
“Earnest?” he repeats.
“Yeah,” you nod, still a little stunned. “This is… very straightforward for someone who has been speaking in riddles for the past few weeks.”
“I’m not usually like that,” he says.
“That’s not reassuring.”
“It’s accurate.”
You hum, crossing your arms a little tighter.
“So what,” you say, tilting your head, “you just decided to sabotage my conversation instead of, I don’t know, talking like a normal person?”
His gaze holds yours.
“…Yes,” he says again.
You blink, then laugh again, this time louder. It slips out before you can stop it.
“Are you hearing yourself right now?”
A couple of heads turn from nearby tables, while a sharp shush cuts through the air.
“Excuse me—quiet please.”
You immediately press your lips together, eyes widening slightly.
“Sorry,” you whisper, still clearly trying not to smile.
Jeonghan leans forward slightly.
“So,” he says, quieter now, “you think it’s funny.”
“I think,” you say carefully, “that you’re kind of insane.”
“That’s fair,” he says, a light smile forming on his face.
Then, after a beat, his voice drops a little along with the previous smile.
“I didn’t like it,” he says, quieter now. “Seeing him talk to you like that.”
You study him for a second.
Then lean forward slightly, resting your elbow on the table.
“So what now?” you ask.
He doesn’t hesitate.
“I’d like to take you out,” he says simply.
You blink.
“…Out.”
“Yes.”
“Like—away from the library you just got us shushed in?”
A faint smile again.
“Preferably somewhere louder than this,” he says. “So I can explain it properly.”
You lean back in your chair again, looking at him like you’re trying to decide if he’s serious or just consistent in being unpredictable.
“…Coffee?” you ask.
“That works,” he says.
A pause.
Then, softer:
“If you’ll let me, pretty girl.”
“Yeah,” you say quickly, extremely flustered by his statement. Then, realizing how immediate that sounded, you add, a little more carefully, “I mean—okay. Yes, then coffee is fine then, perfect.”
“So,” you say, trying to regain control of your own brain, “you’ve successfully disrupted my entire study session, confessed to jealousy, and invited me out.”
He hums lightly. “Accurate summary.”
You squint at him. “You’re proud of that, aren’t you?”
“And if I was?” A faint smile tugs at his mouth again.
You open your mouth to argue—but nothing comes out immediately, because he’s still looking at you like you are the only person on the earth.
“Okay, okay—go,” you say. “I need to study. You’ve done enough emotional damage for one library visit.”
He stands up, taking his time. Acting as if he isn’t in a rush. Why would he be? He met you on a whim 10 minutes after you texted him.
Before he turns away, he glances down at you again.
“See you, pretty girl.”
The ‘pretty girl’ comment again. It’s casual, almost absent-minded.
“Okay—no,” you say quickly, pointing vaguely at him as your face heats up. “Don’t do that. Don’t—don’t call me that and then leave.”
His brows lift slightly.
Too amused.
“You said go.”
“I meant go, not—” you gesture helplessly, “not that.”
He just smiles.
Worse.
“Noted.”
And then he actually turns and walks away.
The rest of your study session was full of a constant back and forth battle in your brain over note taking and reserving a side-section of your brain for Jeonghan.
You try to focus even harder than before, but you fail immediately.
Because now your brain is doing something extremely unhelpful.
Replaying everything.
Seokmin’s smile. Seokmin’s warmth. Seokmin asking so gently.
And then—
Jeonghan.
Jeonghan interrupting. Jeonghan answering too little. Jeonghan showing up anyway. Jeonghan saying your name like it meant something he wasn’t fully saying out loud.
You sink back into your chair slightly.
“…Oh,” you murmur to yourself.
It clicks in a way that makes your stomach twist.
It wasn’t just that Seokmin was nice.
He was nice. Easy. Safe in a way you didn’t have to think too hard about.
But Jeonghan—
Jeonghan made you think.
Made you question. Made you wait for answers instead of receiving them.
There was an edge to him. A pause in everything he said that made your brain work harder than it should’ve.
And somewhere along the way—
You started leaning into that.
You liked Seokmin… Or… you liked the idea of him.
Simple. Warm. Clear. Straightforward
But Jeonghan?
You lean forward slowly, staring at your notebook like it might explain you back to yourself.
Jeonghan makes your stomach do that annoying, traitorous flip every time he says your name. His voice sticks in your head longer than it should.
Jeonghan feels like something you can’t quite get a straight answer from—and somehow that makes you want to stay in it longer.
“…That’s really inconvenient,” you whisper, shaking your head to yourself.
A few days pass in a strange kind of rhythm. You are no longer left in a world of silence.
Random texts that come in at inconvenient times and linger in your head longer than they should.
Nothing dramatic.
Just small pieces of conversation that feel casual on the surface—but never really are.
Jeonghan: you studying
Y/n: trying
Jeonghan: that sounded sad
Or:
Y/n: i think your friend hates me
jeonghan: which one
Y/n: Soonyoung, probably
Jeonghan: He doesn't matter, and I promise, he really does like you.
But now somehow, today is the day.
You are going out with Jeonghan.
Which is why you are currently standing in your room staring at your reflection like it has personally betrayed you.
“This is insane,” you mutter to Vernon, who is sprawled out on your bed staring at the ceiling.
You adjust your shirt.
Change your mind.
Change it again. And again, and again, and again.
Vernon sighs, “It’s just coffee.”
“It’s not just coffee.”
“It is literally just coffee.”
You glare at him through the mirror.
He raises his hands slightly. “Okay, correction. It’s coffee with a man you’ve been spiraling about for a week.”
“That’s worse.”
He leans back slightly. “You’re overthinking it.”
“I’m not overthinking it.” A Pause. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” you admit. You let out a frustrated breath. “He’s just—he’s weird.”
“Yeah,” Vernon agrees immediately.
“And annoying.”
“Yeah.”
“And he says things like ‘pretty girl’ and then just walks away like it’s nothing.”
Vernon pauses.
“…He said what?”
You wave a hand. “Not the point.”
He stares at you for a second, then sighs again and leans back on his hands.
“Look,” he says, tone softer now, “you don’t have to solve it tonight.”
“I’m not trying to solve it.”
“You’re literally spiraling.”
“I’m preparing.”
“For what?”
“Exactly Vernon!” You turn away from the mirror to now look at him. “For fucking what! I don’t fucking know what he wants from me! He drives me fucking crazy!”
Your phone buzzes from where it sits charging on your nightstand.
Jeonghan: I’m going to start heading to the coffee shop.
“Fuck dude, I have to go.” You rush towards your closet to grab your purse after you settled on a simple black off the shoulder short sleeve and jeans.
Vernon watches you like he’s witnessing something irreversible.
“You will do great,” he says flatly. “I’ll be here when you get back.”
You grab your keys, shove them into your bag, and head for the door.
The walk feels too long and too short at the same time.
Every step forward is another second closer to something you can’t fully name, and your brain is doing absolutely nothing to help you regulate that information.
You replay everything.
His texts.
His voice.
“Pretty girl.”
You almost physically shake your head like you can dislodge the thought.
The coffee shop comes into view.
You stop outside for half a second.
Inhale… Exhale.
“…It’s just coffee,” you whisper to yourself, but it doesn’t feel like just coffee. Not anymore.
You push the door open, as a soft bell chimes.
Warm air, faint smell of espresso, low hum of conversation.
Your eyes scan automatically—and land on him.
Sitting at a table slightly off to the side, relaxed like he’s been waiting without impatience. Elbow resting on the table, posture loose, head tilted slightly as he looks up at the sound of the door.
And when he sees you—
That same small smile appears. The same small smile you saw him show at the library, the same small smile you saw when you took the hit of his cigarette a few weeks ago.
“Hey,” he says.
You walk toward him, suddenly very aware of your heartbeat again.
“Hi,” you manage.
He watches you get closer, eyes flicking over you once—not obvious, not slow enough to be rude, but enough that you notice anyway.
“You made it,” he says.
“You texted me like ten minutes ago,” you reply.
He hums lightly. “Still. You look very nice.”
“…Thanks,” you say, a little too quickly.
He taps his fingers lightly on the table once.
“You’re nervous,” he says.
It’s not a question.
You immediately straighten. “I’m not nervous.”
His brows lift slightly.
You sigh.
“…Okay, I’m a little nervous.”
“Why?”
You look at him, because that’s the problem. You don’t actually know what this is going to become.
“I don’t know what you’re like in situations where you’re not being weird on purpose.”
That makes him pause.
“That’s fair,” he says.
Then, softer, a little teasing again:
“I can be normal.”
You squint at him. “That didn’t sound convincing.”
“It wasn’t meant to be.”
That makes you huff a laugh despite yourself.
“Relax,” Jeonghan says, leaning over the table a bit more than before.
You raise a brow. “That’s not very helpful.”
“I know,” he says. “But you’re still here.”
The conversation was light, chatting about your lives. How Jeonghan met his bandmates in undergrad, how it was actually Jihoon’s idea to start a hardcore band.
You talked more in depth about grad school, about how you grew up so close to the city that going to undergrad and grad school here felt normal.
His tone was balanced, kind, warm, but in his own manner, a very Jeonghan tone of voice. It was incredibly hard to read.
Eventually, your cups are empty.
You turn yours in your hands, then glance at him.
“This is officially the longest and I think the only date I have ever been on,” you say.
Jeonghan tilts his head slightly. “Is that a bad thing?”
You think about it.
“…No,” you admit. “Just an observation.”
You hesitate, then add, a little dryly, “I feel like I might need a cigarette after this though.”
That earns a small giggle from him.
“I’ve got some,” he says casually.
You blink. “Of course you do.”
He stands up first, already grabbing both cups. “Come on.”
You follow him out without thinking too hard about it.
The air outside is cooler again, the street quieter than the café. The sun had set while you were beginning to close things off inside the cafe. He leads you just a few steps over—back into a narrow alley tucked between buildings.
And suddenly—
It feels familiar. The brick walls. Dim lights. That same strange stillness. Like the night everything started.
You lean back against the wall beside him without really deciding to.
Jeonghan lights a cigarette, same calm motion as before, like it’s muscle memory. The small glow of the lighter briefly catches his face before he flicks it shut.
He exhales slowly. Then looks at you.
There’s a beat where neither of you speaks. He passes you the cigarette.
“You’re different like this,” he says.
You glance at him. “Like what?”
“Relaxed,” he replies.
You scoff lightly. “I’m not relaxed. I’m just… processing.”
“That still counts.”
You roll your eyes. “You’re weirdly observant for someone who acts like he’s not paying attention.”
“I’m always paying attention,” he says simply.
That makes something in your stomach twist slightly.
You take a slight hit of the cigarette, passing it back to him.
He takes another drag, eyes still on you.
“I know I say it all the time, but you are confusing and it drives me insane.” You say bluntly, wind messing up your hair.
He hums, then smirks. “Am I?”
“Yes.”
“That sounds like your problem,” he says.
You laugh once—short, disbelieving. “No, it’s your problem, actually.”
He raises a brow slightly. “How so?”
“Because you’re—” you gesture vaguely at him, frustration creeping in now, “you’re acting like this is normal. Like you talking to me like this is just… casual. Like you’re not—”
You stop.
Because you don’t know how to finish that sentence without sounding ridiculous. You feel your heart race out of your chest, everything you have been feeling the past two weeks beginning to want to break free.
Then, softly:
“Not what?”
You shake your head slightly. “Never mind.”
All the half-looks. The way he keeps showing up. The way he keeps choosing to stay in the conversation instead of leaving it.
You let out a frustrated breath.
“Snap out of it,” you say suddenly, sharper than before.
He blinks once. “Out of what?”
“This,” you gesture between you. “Whatever this is. Because it doesn’t make sense.”
Jeonghan studies you for a second.
Then he takes one last drag, exhales slowly, and flicks ash away.
“You think I’m not serious?” he asks.
“I think—” you start, then stop, shaking your head again. “I think someone like you doesn’t just—decide to be interested in someone like me.”
The words land heavier than you meant them to. His expression doesn’t change drastically.
“Someone like me?” he repeats.
You cross your arms tighter. “You know what I mean.”
“I don’t think I do,” he says, dropping the cigarette on the ground and stomping it out as he takes a few steps closer to you, to the brick wall you are leaning against.
“You’re telling me to snap out of it,” he continues, “because you think I’m not allowed to want you.”
Your breath catches slightly.
He steps even closer, closer than you have ever been before. You can smell the smoke on his breath, lingering on his clothes.
“Or,” he adds, voice quieter now, “you’re the one who doesn’t want to believe I do.”
You let out a small, shaky breath, unsure of what to say.
Jeonghan doesn’t move away.
“I just—” you start, then stop immediately, shaking your head like you can physically reset your thoughts. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?” he asks in basically a whisper now.
You open your mouth, yet nothing comes out. He’s too close for you to form any thoughts, other than the fact that you know you want him, and he called you out on it.
You finally form words, “I don’t know what you’re doing,” you try again, but it falls apart halfway through. “Or why you’re—why you’re like this with me.”
Jeonghan smiles at you, tilting your chin up so you can lock eyes with him.
Your breath catches immediately.
“Then stop thinking,” he says quietly.
You don’t have time to process before your eyes are closed and your lips are pressed to his. It feels as if everything went still.
He pulls back just slightly—barely enough to break the kiss, not enough to break the closeness.
His eyes are on you immediately, hungry, waiting to see what you have to say.
Jeonghan’s gaze softens slightly.
“You okay?” he asks quietly.
Two words, those two words, were enough to break you.
Saying nothing, your hand comes up to the neckline of his shirt and you pull him back in, harder this time, like you had been waiting for this.
Jeonghan makes a quiet sound of surprise against your mouth—barely there—but then he’s already responding, hand sliding back to steady you against the wall again as the distance disappears completely.
It’s not gentle now. It’s real in a way that feels like it’s been building since the first time he said your name in that alley outside the bar.
Your thoughts scatter completely, his hand at your waist, the press of him against you, the way he doesn’t pull away even when you’re the one who started it.
When you finally break for air, it’s only because you have to.
Your breath comes out uneven. So does his.
This is the first time you have ever seen him less composed.
After weeks of feeling like you were going crazy because of him, you feel like you have finally gotten to him this time.
“…Okay,” he murmurs, almost like he’s amused.
“Can we please go back to my apartment?” you ask, voice steadier than you feel, though your grip betrays you entirely.
His eyes flick to yours.
Then down to your hand.
Then back up.
A pause.
His hand slides from your cheek slowly, not leaving you entirely—just shifting down to catch your hand instead.
The walk back feels unreal in a way you don’t know how to explain.
The city is darker now, softened by streetlights that spill across the sidewalks. The noise of everything feels far away, like you’re moving through a version of the world that doesn’t quite belong to anyone else.
Jeonghan walks beside you like he’s always been there, your fingers threaded together.
Every few minutes, one of you slows down without saying anything. You turn slightly, he does too, and suddenly you’re kissing, pressed against a wall or tucked into the shadow of a building or just standing too close in the middle of an otherwise empty stretch of sidewalk.
By the time your building comes into view, your pulse has stopped behaving like something that listens to reason. You don’t even think before pulling him inside.
You unlock your bedroom door, and push it open. There’s a shape still in your bed, the same as it was when you left. Blanket half-dragged onto the floor, one arm flopped over the edge.
“Vernon,” you say, dangerously calm.
No response.
You walk further in.
“Vernon.”
You stare at him for one more second.
Then inhale sharply.
“VERNON.”
“What—”
“If you’re going to sleep,” voice rising, “you need to do it on the couch!”
“…why are you yelling like that?”
You point towards Jeonghan, who is leaning up against the doorframe of your bedroom.
“…wait, is that Jeonghan?”
You close your eyes.
Jeonghan, completely unhelpful, raises a hand in a lazy little wave.
“…Oh,” he says.
“Yes… okay—bye! To the living room you go!” You point towards your bedroom door. Vernon wraps your blanket around him as he brushes past Jeonghan to enter the living room.
“Be… safe.” He sleepily mutters before Jeonghan softly closes the bedroom door behind him.
Things with Jeonghan became steady after that. Coffee turns into dinner. Dinner turns into “just come over for a bit.” “A bit” turns into late night stays and him stealing your hoodie and refusing to give it back because he likes to smell you “at all times.”
Vernon gets kicked out. A lot.
“Do you two even get any sleep when you stay over?,” he jokes to Jeonghan one morning after crashing on your couch, standing in your kitchen while you’re making coffee as Jeonghan leans against the counter playing with your hair.
“You could leave,” Jeonghan suggests mildly.
“I live here emotionally,” Vernon replies.
You don’t even argue anymore.
And then it’s one of Jeonghan’s shows. You’re standing near the front of the crowd this time when the set ends, lights still warm, noise still ringing in your chest.
The band is breathless, laughing, drenched in sweat and energy. Soonyoung obviously being the loudest of them all.
“THANK YOU EVERYONE—YOU’RE INSANE—WE LOVE YOU—”
Jeonghan barely says anything.
He’s already looking for you.
He hops down from the stage as soon as the set is up, weaving through equipment and crew, ignoring Soonyoung following behind him.
He gives you a kind kiss along with a “thank you for coming” when you are greeted with Soonyoung's kind… kind voice from behind.
“EWWW,” he yells. “GET A ROOM—WE JUST FINISHED A SET!”
Jeonghan doesn’t even look back, he just exhales a quiet laugh against your forehead.
After the chaos settles a little, you find yourself near the side of the venue.
That’s when Seokmin approaches.
He’s still warm from the stage too, smile easy but softer now, more familiar.
“Hey,” he says.
“Hey,” you reply, a little surprised but glad to see him.
There’s a brief pause—comfortable, not awkward.
Then he scratches the back of his neck.
“I am really sorry about all of the confusion.” He explains.
Seokmin glances briefly toward where Jeonghan is talking to the others, then back to you.
“I asked you out because I thought you were really cool,” he admits. “And I still think that. But after we talked… when Jeonghan came to me.”
A pause.
“He said he was kind of into you. Like… really into you, and wanted to hang out with you. And I didn’t want to mess that up for him,” he says simply. “He’s my friend. And honestly… it was pretty obvious once he started acting like that around you.”
You let out a small breath, half laugh, half disbelief.
“That man is impossible,” you mutter.
Seokmin smiles. “Yeah. But I know you could probably deal with impossible.”
And when you look back toward Jeonghan again—
He’s already looking at you, like he never stopped.
You lock eyes with him giving him a soft smile and little wave, he returns the gesture.
And like that, everything has seemed to fall into place for the first time in your life.
in case of falling - yoon jeonghan imagine PART ONE
and i am back?😅
not sure if anyone caught the few hints about this fic, i know y'all loved Vitals as much as I do so here we are😊 ngl i thought VItals and this one are my most difficult stories to write. I wanted to write this one with so much care and compassion. I want to tackle the topics as gentle as i could, the OC for this story is probably the most complex one i've ever written. hope you love her🤍
The pediatric wing always smells like disinfectant and bubblegum toothpaste.
It’s a strange combination, one Jeonghan has long since grown used to. The automatic doors slide open and just like that, the chaos of the operating room fades into something lighter, quieter, but never truly calm. Monitors still beep, nurses still rush, parents still pace the hallways with clasped hands and silent prayers.
But here… hope lingers a little longer.
“Dr. Yoon!” a nurse calls softly, half-relieved, half-teasing. “You’re supposed to rest after a six-hour surgery, you know.”
Jeonghan flashes the kind of smile that has gotten him out of more staff meetings than he’d ever admit.
“I am resting,” he replies smoothly “Walking is medically recommended.”
She rolls her eyes. He keeps walking.
His surgical cap is gone now, hair falling perfectly despite the hours he spent bent over an operating table. Sleeves rolled to his elbows, coat unbuttoned, stethoscope hanging loose around his neck like an accessory rather than equipment. To the untrained eye, he looks like a model who wandered into the wrong building.
To the children, he looks like safety.
Room 302 first.
He knocks before entering. Always knocks, even if the patient is five years old and more interested in cartoon dinosaurs than privacy. Inside, a little boy with an IV taped to his hand looks up, eyes instantly brightening.
“Doctor Han!”
Jeonghan gasps dramatically. “Doctor Han? Did I get demoted? I was Doctor Yoon yesterday”
The boy giggles. His mother laughs too, tension melting from her shoulders.
He checks the chart, gentle fingers adjusting the blanket, voice lowering when he explains the recovery process to the mother. Clear. Patient. Never rushed.
When he turns back to the boy, his tone shifts again playful, conspiratorial.
“Your stitches are healing well,” he says. “Which means… you’re officially allowed one extra scoop of ice cream.”
The boy’s eyes widen “Two?”
Jeonghan leans in, whispering like he’s sharing state secrets.
“Don’t let the nurses hear you. They’ll revoke my license.”
By the time he leaves, the room feels lighter.
Room after room, it’s the same pattern. He crouches to eye level. He remembers names. He asks about school projects, favorite superheroes, the status of a missing stuffed rabbit. He listens when parents ramble anxiously, never checking his watch even though he definitely hasn’t slept enough.
In the hallway, a resident mutters to another “How is he single?”
The other shrugs “Maybe he’s married to the hospital.”
At the nurse’s station, he signs off charts with quick, elegant strokes. His phone buzzes once Chief Choi Seungcheol lighting up the screen. He declines the call without even checking the message.
“Trouble?” a nurse asks
“My best friend,” he corrects “Same thing.”
He slips the phone back into his pocket, smile lingering.
Yoon Jeonghan—lead pediatric surgeon, walking headache for the chief, bachelor by circumstance or choice depending on who’s asking—is many things.
But in this hallway, under fluorescent lights and pastel murals of cartoon clouds, he is simply the man children trust when they’re scared.
And somehow, despite the exhaustion pulling at his shoulders and the endless paperwork waiting on his desk, he wouldn’t trade this for anything.
=
The city looks different at night. Not quieter just… distant. Like someone turned the volume down on everything except your own breathing.
Jeonghan runs with his headphones in, music low enough that he can still hear passing cars, high enough that the day finally stops replaying in his head. Surgery lights, beeping monitors, anxious parents, Seungcheol’s voice scolding him for skipping meals. Iit all blurs into the rhythm of his steps against the pavement.
Left. Right. Left. Right.
It’s how he empties his mind.
He takes the longer route tonight, the one that curves past the river and the old pedestrian bridge with its rusted railings and flickering lamp posts. The air is colder here, carrying the smell of water and metal. His breath fogs in front of him.
Then he sees a silhouette too still.
Most people cross bridges. They don’t stop in the middle and lean over the railing like they’re listening for something only the water can say back. Instinct pulls his headphones down around his neck before he even realizes he’s slowed.
It’s probably nothing, he tells himself.
But he’s a surgeon. His entire career is built on not ignoring the “probably.”
He jogs closer, cautious, footsteps soft. He doesn’t call out immediately. He watches first.
He thinks once. Someone else will come.
He thinks twice. Maybe you just need air.
He doesn’t give himself a third thought.
“Hey,” he says gently from a safe distance, voice calm, almost casual “That water’s probably freezing. I don’t recommend jumping in.”
You flinch.
The sound of his voice cuts through whatever haze you were in. You turn too quickly, eyes wide, breath hitching like you’d been pulled back from somewhere far away.
Under the yellow streetlight he looks… unfairly put together for this hour. Dark hair damp from sweat, hoodie sleeves pushed up, sharp features softened by concern he’s trying not to make obvious.
A stranger. A witness. A problem.
You blink, wiping at your cheeks with the heel of your hand before he can fully register the tears. He registers them anyway.
“I wasn’t,” you say. Your voice is steadier than you feel “I was just walking.”
He nods immediately. Too easily “Of course.”
He doesn’t believe you. Not because he thinks you’re lying maliciously. Because he’s seen that look before. He’s seen it in hospital hallways at three in the morning, in parents who just received bad news, in teenagers pretending they’re fine while their world quietly collapses behind their eyes.
He steps closer, but not enough to corner you. Close enough that if you lost your balance, he could reach you. Far enough that you don’t feel trapped.
“Night walks are underrated,” he says, leaning his forearms on the railing like he just happened to stop too “City’s less judgmental after midnight.”
You glance at him, suspicious “Cities are never less judgmental.”
He huffs a soft laugh “Fair point. Maybe I just stop caring after midnight.”
Silence stretches, but it’s no longer sharp. He pretends to look at the water. Pretends not to notice the way your fingers loosen slightly on the railing.
“You run a lot?” you ask, mostly to fill the space
“Only when I’m avoiding paperwork so… yes. Excessively.”
Another beat.
“You?” he asks, careful, neutral “Walk a lot?”
“Only when I’m avoiding going home.”
There it is.
A truth slipped out sideways, unguarded. He doesn’t react the way people usually do. He just nods.
“Home can be overrated too.”
You study him then, really look. He’s not pushing. Not prying. Just… there. Like he inserted himself between you and the water and decided that was enough for now.
In his head, he’s cataloging everything despite himself. Tear tracks. Red eyes. The way your shoulders lift defensively whenever a car passes. The exhaustion that isn’t physical.
He recognizes heartbreak. It’s not his specialty, but he’s seen enough aftermaths to know the shape of it.
“You don’t have to stand so close to the edge,” he adds lightly after a moment “View’s the same two steps back. Less dramatic lighting though.”
You exhale half a laugh, half surrender and shift back without arguing. He doesn’t smile in triumph. Just adjusts his stance with you, like that was always the plan.
The night air moves between you, cold but bearable.
For a stranger, he’s oddly careful. For someone who claims he was just jogging, he’s in no rush to leave. And for the first time in what feels like weeks, the noise in your head isn’t the only thing you can hear.
He doesn’t look at you when he makes the decision. He’s seen enough almosts in his life.
Enough “I’m fine.” Enough “I was just walking.” Enough people standing a little too close to edges so he shifts the conversation instead of confronting it.
“Do you like convenience store ramen?” he asks, as if this is the most logical follow-up in the world
“What?”
“There’s a 24-hour one two blocks down,” he continues, nodding toward the street behind you “Terrible for your health. Excellent for your mood. I’m currently choosing mood.”
You stare at him like he’s malfunctioning
“I’m not hungry,” you say automatically
“Good,” he replies easily “Neither am I. I just want the hot water.”
It’s ridiculous. Transparent. You both know it. But it’s also… an exit that doesn’t look like an exit.
He steps away from the railing first, not watching to see if you follow. He stretches his calves like this was always just a jogging break, rolls his shoulders, gives you space to decide without the pressure of his eyes on you.
You hate that it works.
You push off the railing and only then does he glance back, offering a half smile that doesn’t feel victorious. Just… relieved.
You two walk side by side, not too close. He keeps his pace slightly slower than his natural stride without making it obvious. Every time you drift toward the curb, he subtly adjusts, placing himself nearer to the road like it’s coincidence.
He doesn’t ask why you were there. He doesn’t ask why you were crying. He doesn’t even ask your name.
Instead, he talks about inconsequential things.
“How do you feel about instant coffee?”
“It tastes like regret.”
“Correct answer.”
By the time the convenience store’s bright sign comes into view, the tightness in your chest has loosened just enough to breathe without it hurting. The world hasn’t fixed itself. Nothing miraculous happened. You’re still you, still carrying the same weight.
But you’re no longer standing over dark water at midnight.
Inside, the heater hums softly. He grabs two cups without asking, fills them with hot water, hands you one like a peace offering. You wrap your fingers around the warmth, surprised by how cold your hands had gotten.
He leans against the counter, finally studying you properly not invasive, just observant. Confirming what his instinct already decided back on the bridge.
You’re not okay but you’re here. That’s enough for tonight.
“I’m Jeonghan,” he says after a while, not an introduction that expects anything in return. Just information placed gently between you.
You hesitate, then give him your name.
He nods once, committing it to memory. Not because he expects to need it. Just because leaving things unfinished bothers him more than he lets on.
When you finally step back outside, the night feels different. The bridge is still there somewhere behind you, the river still moving the same way it always has.
=
Morning comes like it always does for Jeonghan too early, too bright, and far too loud for someone who slept barely four hours.
And yet, somehow, he walks into the hospital like he owns the daylight.
White coat draped perfectly, coffee in hand, expression calm enough that no one would guess he spent the previous night talking a stranger away from a bridge and then reviewing post-op charts until two in the morning. He greets nurses by name, steals a mint from the reception desk jar, and signs three documents without breaking stride.
Back to default settings.
Charming. Witty. Mildly insufferable.
He checks his watch. No surgeries for another hour.
Which means… free time. Which means one thing.
He turns on his heel and heads straight for the administrative wing like a man with a personal mission.
The chief’s office door is half open. A dangerous sign. It means Choi Seungcheol is either buried in paperwork or pretending not to exist. Jeonghan knocks once and then walks in before permission can be granted.
Seungcheol doesn’t look up.
“Whatever it is, no”
“You don’t even know what I’m going to say”
“I don’t need to. The answer is no”
Jeonghan drops into the chair across from the desk anyway, legs crossing comfortably. His eyes immediately land on the briefcase sitting beside Seungcheol’s chair.
It is black leather. Expensive. Intimidating and absolutely covered in stickers.
A glittery dinosaur near the latch. A crooked rainbow in the corner. A cartoon bunny wearing sunglasses that says COOL DAD.
Jeonghan presses his lips together, fighting a smile “New addition?”
“The bunny has personality,” Jeonghan continues thoughtfully. “Very authoritative.”
“Eunji put that there at six in the morning. Our house is covered in stickers because both kids are on that phase right now apparently”
“How are Eunji and Seungji?” he asks, tone lighter now.
“One is convinced she’s a fairy princess who needs glitter on everything and the other one is a shy dinosaur” Seungcheol mutters
“Visionaries, both of them.”
“They stuck a sticker on my car last week.”
“What was it?”
“A smiling potato.”
Jeonghan loses it. A full laugh, head tipping back. Seungcheol stares at him like he’s reconsidering their entire friendship.
“You’re enjoying this too much.”
“I’m enjoying the contrast,” Jeonghan corrects “You terrify residents into tears but surrender to a six-year-old with glitter glue.”
“That six-year-old knows where I sleep.”
A nurse knocks and peeks in, immediately straightening at the sight of the chief. “Sir, the board meeting—”
“I’ll be there in ten,” Seungcheol says, voice firm, professional, the warmth gone as quickly as it appeared.
The nurse nods and disappears.
Jeonghan watches the shift with mild amusement. “You know, if they saw you this morning negotiating with a child about sock colors, your reputation would be ruined.”
Seungcheol narrows his eyes “You were on late rounds again”
“You noticed”
“I always notice when you ignore sleep”
Jeonghan shrugs, unfazed “Sleep is a suggestion.”
“And burnout is not”
There’s history there years of it. College lectures skipped together. First residencies. Breakups. Reunions. Seungcheol’s messy, complicated love story that somehow led back to the same woman and the daughter he hadn’t known existed for years. Now he’s a proud, loving and protective father of two.
Jeonghan had watched all of it unfold, half teasing, half protective.
“Eat something,” Seungcheol adds, quieter now. Less chief, more friend.
“I had coffee”
“That’s not food”
“It’s emotional support”
Seungcheol exhales sharply through his nose “Get out of my office.”
The door closes behind him with Seungcheol’s long-suffering glare following all the way out.
Back in the hallway, Jeonghan slips seamlessly into motion again.
No one here knows about the bridge.
About the stranger with tear-streaked cheeks.
About the quiet relief he felt when you stepped away from the railing.
He adjusts his coat and keeps walking.
Life resumes its usual rhythm.
But somewhere in the back of his mind, tucked between patient schedules and surgical notes, is the simple confirmation he hadn’t expected to carry with him into morning—
You’re still here.
By noon, the hospital is in full swing.
Phones ringing. Stretchers rolling past. The cafeteria already running out of the good sandwiches. And right in the middle of the organized chaos stands Dr. Yoon Jeonghan—leaning against the nurse’s station like he’s got nowhere else to be, sleeves rolled up, chart tucked under his arm more as a prop than necessity.
He’s supposed to be on break.
Instead, he’s entertaining three interns who look like they haven’t slept since orientation.
“No,” Jeonghan says, shaking his head with mock seriousness. “If a patient googles their symptoms and tells you they’re dying, you do not say ‘I knew it.’ Even if you did.”
One of the interns snorts. A nurse nearby covers her mouth, trying not to laugh. Another nurse slides him a cup of iced coffee. “You’re enabling them.”
“I’m educating them,” he corrects smoothly, accepting the drink. “Big difference.”
“Last week you told one of them that the printer only works if you compliment it.”
“And did it work?”
“…Yes.”
He smiles, victorious. It’s effortless with him. The way conversations orbit. The way tense shoulders loosen when he joins a group. He remembers who just passed their exams, who’s applying for fellowships, whose mother is recovering from surgery.
Social butterfly, the residents call him. Hospital menace, Seungcheol calls him.
He’s midway through explaining why pediatric wards should legally require cartoon murals when a coordinator rushes by, flipping through a clipboard.
“We’re still short one surgeon for the provincial outreach this weekend,” she mutters to no one in particular “Pediatrics ideally, but—”
“I’m in.”
It comes out so naturally that it takes her a second to realize someone answered.
“Dr. Yoon?”
He lifts his coffee in confirmation “Outreach. Weekend. I’ll go.”
“You just had a full week of surgeries.”
“I like field trips.”
The nurse beside him raises a brow “You hate long drives.”
“I hate traffic, countryside has cows. Cows don’t honk.”
The coordinator blinks, half-relieved, half-suspicious “It’s a three-day program. Rural clinics. Limited equipment.”
Jeonghan shrugs “Kids are kids. Equipment just makes it fancier.”
There’s no grand speech. No savior complex. It’s simply a decision made in the same tone someone would use to agree to lunch plans.
“Alright,” the coordinator says, scribbling his name down “Departure’s Friday evening.”
“Text me the details,” he replies
As she walks off, one of the interns asks “Why do you always sign up for those?”
Jeonghan tilts his head, thinking like it’s a genuine question “Because kids in smaller towns deserve annoying doctors too.”
“That’s not a real answer.”
“It’s the only one you’re getting.”
They laugh, assuming he’s joking. Maybe he is. Mostly but there’s something about leaving the city every now and then that resets him. Reminds him why he chose this in the first place. Why the exhaustion is worth it.
Why the instinct to step in, even outside hospital walls, never really turns off.
He finishes his coffee, tosses the cup, and checks the time. Another consult in fifteen minutes. Another hallway to walk. Another dozen lives intersecting with his for brief, meaningful moments.
As he pushes off the counter, one of the nurses calls after him,“Bring back souvenirs!”
“I’ll bring back sleep deprivation,” he shoots back
“Already have that!”
He lifts a hand in farewell and disappears down the corridor, coat swaying behind him.
On the surface, it’s just another sign-up sheet. But somewhere beneath the humor is the refusal to walk past something that might need him.
Some people run to clear their heads. Some people volunteer to fill their time.
Yoon Jeonghan does both for the same reason.
=
The outreach site is nothing like the hospital.
No polished floors.No automatic doors. No quiet hum of controlled air-conditioning.
Just open fields, folding tents, plastic chairs. The air smells like dust, sunscreen, and packed lunches. It’s chaotic in a way that feels… alive.
You’ve been here since sunrise.
Clipboards, registration lists, calming anxious parents, kneeling down to children’s eye level to explain why doctors need to look into ears and listen to hearts.
You’ve done this for years. Community work, family support, child welfare programs. The kind of job that never pays enough but fills parts of you nothng else quite reaches.
There was a time you thought your own home would be filled with the same laughter.
A time you thought love meant building toward the same future.
Eight years of it.
The diagnosis came like a quiet sentence instead of a loud one. Unlikely. Difficult. Low probability. You made peace with it or at least you tried. You had long conversations, tearful ones, practical ones. He held your hands and said it was okay.
Until one day, it wasn’t.
He changed his mind.
You became a dealbreaker instead of a partner.
A possibility instead of a person.
It hurt more than the diagnosis ever did.
And yet here you are, laughing as a six-year-old insists on putting a dinosaur sticker on your ID badge because “it needs friends.” You crouch to tie a loose shoelace, wipe a smudge of chocolate from a cheek, guide parents toward the medical tent.
You didn’t stop loving children.
You just learned to love them differently.
Across the field, in the medical tent, Jeonghan finishes his first round of consults with the same ease he carries everywhere. He remembers names after hearing them once. He jokes with fathers who pretend not to be nervous. He coaxes shy toddlers into opening their mouths by asking if they’ve been secretly storing candy in there.
“Five-minute break, Doctor,” someone tells him.
He nods, stepping out of the tent, stretching his neck. The field sprawls wide in front of him.
And then he sees you.
At first, you’re just another figure in a bright vest, kneeling to talk to a child with paint on their hands. But somthing about the tilt of your head, the way your shoulders rise when you laugh it pulls at recognition before logic catches up.
The bridge flashes in his mind.
Cold air.
Tear-streaked cheeks.
Fingers gripping metal.
He almost doesn’t believe it’s you.
Because the person standing in front of him now looks… lighter. Sunlit. There’s color in your expression, warmth in your gestures. When you stand, you ruffle the child’s hair and point them toward the snack table like you’ve done it a thousand times.
He watches, momentarily still in a place where he’s rarely still.
He had filed you away as a quiet worry. A midnight memory.
And yet here you are moving through the crowd with practiced kindness, hands full of stickers and forms and gentle reassurances.
Jeonghan feels the faintest tug of relief in his chest. Unexpected. Unnamed.
He doesn’t approach.
Not because he doesn’t want to. His instinct, as always, is to step in, to check, to confirm. But this isn’t a bridge at midnight. You’re not standing on an edge. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be, surrounded by laughter and purpose and the kind of chaos that heals instead of harms.
So he stays where he is, leaning against the tent pole, arms loosely crossed.
You’re nothing like the silhouette he met under a flickering streetlight and somehow, you’re exactly the same person.
The little boy’s hand is sticky with drying blood and grape juice.
You’re not entirely sure which one came first.
“Does it hurt?” you ask gently, crouched in front of him with a small first-aid kit open on your lap. He shakes his head bravely, which means yes.
You dab around the cut with antiseptic wipes “This might feel cold, okay? Cold doesn’t mean bad. Just means… dramatic.”
He giggles despite himself.
The cut is shallow but wide enough that you know it needs proper cleaning maybe even a quick look from a doctor. You glance toward the medical tent, scanning for an available coat, a stethoscope, anyone free.
“Let’s get a doctor to make it super official,” you tell him, offering a reassuring smile “Like a superhero stamp.”
You’re about to stand when a chair scrapes lightly across the ground in front of you.
You look up.
It’s him.
The guy from the bridge except now he’s in a white coat, sleeves rolled, sunlight catching on the metal of a stethoscope resting against his collarbone. His hair is a little messier than you remember, like the wind’s been playing with it all morning. His expression shifts from mild focus to quiet recognition in the span of a heartbeat.
For a second, neither of you speak.
Then he smiles small, polite, not presumptuous. Like he’s acknowledging a shared memory without dragging it into the open.
“Hi,” he says, tone light, as if meeting you here is the most normal coincidence in the world
He turns to the boy immediately after, professional switch flipping on effortlessly “What happened here, champ? Did the pavement attack you?”
The boy nods solemnly “It was very fast.”
“Pavements are like that,” he agrees gravely, pulling on gloves “No warning. Very rude.”
You’re still kneeling, still processing the collision of timelines. He doesn’t mention it, doesn’t even hint at it. He just reaches for the antiseptic like this is why he came.
His hands are steady. Gentle. He talks the entire time, half to the boy, half to the air.
“Good news,” he says. “You’re officially tougher than most superheroes. Bad news… you might need a cool bandage. Very serious medical decision.”
The boy perks up “Blue.”
“Excellent choice. Blue has +10 healing power.”
You find yourself smiling before you realize you are.
He works quickly but never rushes. When the cut is clean and bandaged, he taps the boy’s knuckles lightly.
“All fixed. You can resume saving the world.”
The boy runs off toward his mother, proudly displaying the blue bandage like a medal.
Silence settles between you and him for half a breath. Not awkward. Just… full.
“You’re a doctor,” you say, stating the obvious because your brain hasn’t caught up with reality yet
“Sometimes,” he replies, echoing the same answer from that night. A corner of his mouth lifts “Today especially.”
You huff a soft laugh. “You’re following me now?”
“If I were, I’d choose better lighting.” There it is that same dry humor, the same gentle deflection.
“You’re good with them,” he says simply
“I like helping.”
“I can tell.”
No pity. No probing questions about the past you never told him. Just an observation, offered like a fact rather than praise.
He pulls off his gloves, tossing them neatly into the disposal bin beside the chair. The noise of the outreach hums around you—kids calling for their parents, volunteers announcing queue numbers through a crackling speaker, the flap of the tent shifting with the wind.
He turns back to you, expression softer now that the little emergency is over.
“I should probably introduce myself properly before I keep appearing in random locations like a suspicious character.”
You fold your arms loosely, amused “That would help, yes.”
He offers his hand not overly formal, not overly casual. Just… sincere.
“Yoon Jeonghan. Pediatric Surgeon by day, most nights too. It’s my main personality actually ”
“Nice to officially meet you,” he adds “Under less… dramatic circumstances.”
“You’re the one who assumed I was about to jump.”
“I said the water was cold,” he corrects “That’s just science.”
You laugh despite yourself “You have a habit of intervening with strangers?”
“Occupational hazard, also poor impulse control.”
A child tugs at your vest, asking where the coloring table went. You point them toward the far tent, voice slipping easily back into your social-worker warmth. When you look back at him, he’s watching the way you handle the interruption. The ease. The patience.
“Well,” he says, stepping back slightly as another patient is waved toward him from across the tent “I’ll try not to ambush you with medical advice again.”
“No promises?” you ask
He smiles, already turning “No promises.”
And just like that, he melts back into the controlled chaos.
Children cycle through the tents in waves. Crying, laughing, bargaining for stickers like they’re currency. The sun climbs, softens, then begins its slow descent, turning the open field gold. Somewhere between handing out registration forms and guiding a worried mother to the vaccination line, you forget to check the time entirely.
And in the spaces between tasks, you notice him.
Not deliberately at first. Just… in passing.
A burst of laughter from the medical tent and there he is, crouched to eye level with a boy who’s trying very hard not to cry over a vaccination. Jeonghan doesn’t rush him. Doesn’t dismiss the fear. He listens like it’s valid—because to a child, it is. He distracts with ridiculous questions about favorite superheroes, about whether dinosaurs would be good at hide-and-seek, about how bravery sometimes looks exactly like squeezing someone’s hand too tight.
He never raises his voice. Never shows irritation. Never lets impatience slip through.
You watch him convince a stubborn eight-year-old to take medicine by pretending it’s a secret strength potion. Watch him thank parents for their trust like it’s an honor instead of routine.
There’s charm there, yes but it’s not the shallow kind. It’s rooted in attention. In presence.
You realize he doesn’t just handle children well.
He likes them.
Across the field, he notices you too.
Not in obvious glances or lingering stares. Just quiet awareness that keeps returning like a bookmark slipping out of a page. He sees the way you kneel without thinking, the way your voice softens instinctively when a child’s lip trembles. He sees how parents gravitate toward you because you explain things without making them feel small. How you laugh fully when a kid says something absurd, never halfway, never distracted.
You move through the outreach like you belong here. It’s… different.
He remembers the bridge he probably always will. The stillness of you against dark water, the hollow quiet in your eyes, the way your fingers clung to cold metal like it was the only thing anchoring you. That version of you had looked like glass one wrong touch away from splintering.
This version looks like warmth.
Not forced. Not performative. Just genuine ease in a space that matters to you. The contrast doesn’t confuse him; it grounds him. People are allowed to contain more than one moment. He knows that better than most. He’s seen parents collapse in hospital corridors and then return the next day smiling for their children. He’s seen fear and courage live in the same person without canceling each other out.
Still, the memory lingers not as worry now, but as context.
Mid-afternoon, your paths cross repeatedly without either of you making a big deal out of it.
As the sun dips lower and the last families trickle out, the field grows calmer. Volunteers begin packing supplies. Chairs scrape against dry grass. The noise settles into tired satisfaction.
From opposite ends of the tent line, you both pause for a second, watching the same little girl wave goodbye with a balloon tied to her wrist.
You don’t notice him looking at you then. He doesn’t notice you noticing him earlier.
The drive back is longer than it should feel.
Highway stretching in straight lines, radio murmuring some late-evening talk show he isn’t really listening to. The sky fades from orange to indigo, city lights blinking awake one by one like distant signals.
Usually, after outreach programs, Jeonghan’s mind is pleasantly blank tired in the satisfying way, filled with children’s laughter and checklists completed.
Tonight, it isn’t blank.
It keeps circling back. A bright vest in sunlight. A laugh that came easily. Hands steady while helping a child tie their shoes. And then the bridge overlays the memory. The still silhouette. Tearful eyes under yellow streetlight.
The same person, two completely different frames, refusing to settle into one simple impression.
Curiosity, he tells himself. That’s all. He’s always been like this. Once something catches his attention, he doesn’t leave it half-understood. He peels layers the way surgeons do.
Seungcheol calls it his best trait.
Seungcheol also calls it his worst.
By the time the hospital buliding rises into view, glass reflecting city lights, Jeonghan already knows he’s not done thinking about you. He just hasn’t decided what that means yet.
His feet carry him automatically down a familiar corridor.
He doesn’t knock this time.
The chief’s office door opens and closes with the confidence of someone who’s done it a thousand times. Seungcheol looks up from his laptop with the exact expression of a man who knew this interruption was inevitable.
“You’re back,” Seungcheol says flatly
“You sound surprised.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t text first to annoy me digitally.”
He’s quiet for half a second too long. Seungcheol notices. Of course he does.
“How was outreach?” the chief asks, tone shifting subtly from administrative to personal
“Good,” Jeonghan says “Busy. Kids were great.”
“And?”
“And nothing.”
Seungcheol raises a brow “You don’t come into my office at nine p.m. for nothing”
Jeonghan studies the ceiling like the answer might be written there “You ever meet someone twice in completely different circumstances and feel like your brain refuses to file them properly?”
Seungcheol blinks “That was… specific.”
“It’s a theoretical question.”
“You don’t do theoretical.”
A beat.
Jeonghan exhales through his nose, half amused at being read so easily. “I met someone again. From before. Different setting.”
“Is this about medicine or feelings?” Seungcheol asks warily.
“Curiosity,” Jeonghan corrects immediately.
“That’s not an answer.”
“It is to me.”
Seungcheol leans back, crossing his arms “You’re spiraling.”
“I’m observing.”
“You’re spiraling.”
They’ve had versions of this conversation for years over exams, over relationships, over life choices that didn’t fit neatly into schedules.
Finally, Seungcheol sighs “You’re persistent. You always have been. Just don’t turn a person into a puzzle you’re trying to solve.”
Jeonghan’s gaze shifts, thoughtful now instead of playful “I’m not trying to solve anything.”
“Good.”
“I’m just… noticing.”
Seungcheol snorts softly “That’s how it starts.”
Jeonghan stands, brushing imaginary dust from his coat “You’re dramatic.”
“I’m married with two kids. I’m experienced.”
The door clicks shut behind him, but the faint smile lingers as he walks down the dim corridor. Curiosity still hums quietly at the back of his mind—not urgent, not overwhelming. Just present.
His intention had been to go home.
Shower. Sleep. Reset.
Instead, somewhere between the stairwell and the exit, his steps slow… then turn. Not toward the parking lot. Not toward the on-call rooms. Down another corridor entirely quieter, dimmer, the lights warmer instead of stark white.
Psychiatry wing.
Jeonghan doesn’t question it. He rarely questions where instinct leads him. he just follows and sorts the reasons out later.
Dr. Lee Jihoon’s office door is slightly ajar, a thin strip of lamplight cutting across the hallway floor. Jeonghan knocks twice against the frame, more courtesy than necessity.
Jihoon looks up.
He’s exactly as he always is. Calm in a way that doesn’t feel practiced. His desk is organized but not rigid.
“Hyung,” Jihoon says simply, voice even. It’s both greeting and question.
Jeonghan steps inside, closing the door behind him with a quiet click. He doesn’t sit immediately. He scans the room first from the bookshelf, the window cracked open, the absence of clutter. Jihoon never fills space unnecessarily. It’s probably why people end up talking more around him.
“You’re still here,” Jeonghan notes
“You’re still wandering,” Jihoon replies
Fair.
Jeonghan finally drops into the chair across from the desk, exhaling like he’s been holding it for the past hour. Jihoon doesn’t ask what’s wrong. He just sets his pen down and gives him his full attention, the way only someone who truly listens knows how to do
“I met someone,” Jeonghan says eventually
Jihoon blinks once “Okay.”
“Twice.”
“Still okay.”
“Different situations.”
Jihoon waits. Jeonghan rubs the back of his neck, mildly irritated at himself “And now my brain won’t… shelve it.”
Jihoon tilts his head slightly, the faintest hint of a smile ghosting across his lips “You don’t shelve people.”
“I shelve everyone.”
“You catalogue them. That’s different.”
Jeonghan huffs a breath that might be a laugh “You’re impossible.”
“You came here.”
He stares at the edge of the desk, choosing words with unusual care “I saw her on a bridge a few nights ago. Not in a good way. Then today at the outreach. She was… bright. Good with kids. Completely different.”
Jihoon nods once, like this makes perfect sense.
“I’m not worried,” Jeonghan adds quickly “I’m just… curious.”
“You don’t come to psychiatry for curiosity,” Jihoon says gently
“I come to you.”
“What are you actually asking?” he says
Jeonghan pauses. That’s the thing. He isn’t sure. He isn’t asking if he should talk to you again. He isn’t asking what it means.
The question is more abstract than that, floating somewhere between professional detachment and personal intrigue.
“Why does it… stay?” he settles on “Some people pass by and they’re gone. Others—” He gestures vaguely “—linger.”
Jihoon’s gaze softens, not with pity, just understanding “Because you saw her at two extremes. The mind doesn’t like unresolved contrasts.”
“That sounds clinical.”
“It is.”
Jeonghan considers that “So it’s just psychology.”
Jihoon shrugs lightly “Partly. The rest is human.”
“You’re allowed to be curious about people,” Jihoon adds “Just don’t turn curiosity into surveillance. Let it be… open-ended.”
He stands, the decision not exactly formed but no longer pressing against his ribs “You’re annoyingly reasonable.”
“That’s why you came.”
“In your expert opinion,” he says, glancing back over his shoulder, “do you think she’s… fine?”
Jihoon doesn’t answer immediately. He doesn’t frown, doesn’t analyze him, doesn’t reach for a textbook explanation. He just studies the space between them for a second like he’s choosing which color fits best instead of which word.
“Fine is subjective,” Jihoon says at last
Jeonghan exhales a quiet of course it is.
“Your version of fine,” Jihoon continues, voice even, “and my version of fine aren’t the same. And hers is probably different from both.”
It’s such a psychiatrist answer that Jeonghan almost smiles.
Jihoon leans back slightly in his chair, gaze steady but gentle “People can function well and still be hurting. People can struggle and still be okay. ‘Fine’ isn’t a diagnosis. It’s a moment.”
Jeonghan’s brow lifts “You’re avoiding the question.”
“I’m answering it accurately.”
“You saw her once at a low point, then you saw her in a place she thrives. Both can be true. Neither cancels the other out.”
He’s used to binaries—stable or unstable, healing or not, proceed or don’t. Medicine trains you that way. Cut clean. Decide fast.
But people don’t present like charts.
“So I shouldn’t assume,” he says
“You shouldn’t conclude,” Jihoon corrects “Assumptions are unavoidable. Conclusions are optional.”
Another very Dr. Lee sentence.
Jeonghan huffs a soft breath, half amused, half resigned “You’re saying I don’t know.”
“I’m saying you’re not supposed to know yet.”
That lands more solidly than expected.
He nods once, accepting it not because it resolves anything, but because it removes the pressure to resolve it at all. The curiosity doesn’t need an immediate answer. The concern doesn’t need a label. It can just… exist.
Jihoon picks his pen back up, conversation naturally closing. “If you’re asking whether she looked okay today,” he adds without looking up, “you already know the answer you saw.”
“And if I’m asking whether she is okay?”
Jihoon’s lips curve faintly “Then you’d have to ask her. Not me.”
There it is. Clean. Simple. Inconveniently correct.
Jeonghan shakes his head, a small smile finally breaking through “You’re exhausting.”
“You came here voluntarily.”
He opens the door this time without stopping again. The hallway light spills in, then narrows as it closes behind him.
Fine is a moment.
For someone who spends his life chasing stable outcomes, it’s an oddly comforting idea.
He doesn’t know if you’re fine.
He doesn’t know if you’re not.
But he knows this much, the girl on the bridge and the woman in the sunlight both existed and neither one needs to be erased for the other to be real.
=
Hospitals have a way of smelling the same no matter where you go.
Clean. Cold. Faintly floral in a way that never quite hides the antiseptic underneath. The soundscape is familiar too heels against polished floors, distant monitor beeps, murmured names over intercoms. It wraps around you the second the automatic doors slide open, and suddenly you’re not just walking into a building.
You’re walking into memories.
You sit in the waiting area with your hands folded too tightly in your lap, thumbs rubbing against each other in a nervous rhythm you don’t notice you’re doing. The chair is colder than it looks. Across from you, a television plays a morning show no one is really watching. A pregnant woman flips through a magazine two seats down. A couple whispers over ultrasound photos, smiling like they’re holding sunlight between their fingers.
You look away.
You can navigate pediatric wards blindfolded. But this part of the hospital? This floor? This purpose?
It hits differently because this isn’t about helping someone else.
It’s about the version of your future you tried to let go of.
Your name hasn’t been called yet, but your heart is already beating like it has. You shift in your seat, glance at your phone, stand, sit again. The clock on the wall ticks louder than it should. Thirty minutes feels like three hours.
You tell yourself you’re here for clarity. For information.
Not hope.
But hope sneaks in anyway, quiet and stubborn.
“Miss?”
You look up.
The nurse smiles politely “Dr. Bae will see you now.”
You inhale once, steadying yourself, and follow her down the corridor.
Her office is warmer than the hallway. Dr. Bae looks up when you enter, offering a smile that doesn’t feel rehearsed. It’s the kind that reaches her eyes without trying too hard.
“Please, have a seat.”
Her voice is calm. Measured. The kind you’d want delivering any news, good or bad. She reviews your file.
“So,” she begins gently, folding her hands “I want to start by saying—you can have children.”
The words land softly, but they land. You blink.
She continues before your mind can sprint ahead “It will likely be more difficult than average. It may require planning, medical support, and patience. But medically speaking, it’s not impossible.”
Not impossible.
You didn’t realize how much you’d prepared yourself to hear never. The difference between never and hard is enormous, even if both come with uncertainty. Your shoulders loosen a fraction without your permission.
“You’re thirty,” she adds, tone optimistic rather than cautionary “That’s not late. We just approach it with more awareness. Think of it less as a closed door and more as… a door that needs a different key.”
She doesn’t sugarcoat. She doesn’t overwhelm you with statistics either. She explains options. There’s kindness in the way she pauses after important sentences, giving you space to process instead of rushing to fill silence.
It doesn’t erase the past. It doesn’t magically rewrite the hurt.
It doesn’t bring back the eight years you invested in someone who decided your uncertainty was a dealbreaker.
But it does something else.
It gives you back choice.
You stand, thanking her automatically, fingers already reaching for your bag. The chair legs scrape softly against the floor. You’re halfway to the door when her voice stops you
“One more thing.”
You turn.
Dr. Bae’s expression is gentle, “Try not to think about it too much. Your body often follows what your mind keeps repeating.”
You blink, unsure whether to smile or cry.
“Be kinder to yourself,” she adds, tone soft but certain. “More gentle. We’ll work through this together.”
This isn’t a verdict you walk out carrying alone. It’s a process. A path. Not linear, not guaranteed but shared with professionals who don’t see you as broken, just… navigating.
You nod, because words feel fragile right now.
When you step back into the corridor, the hospital feels both familiar and foreign at the same time.
Your phone buzzes in your pocket. A group chat notification from work photos from last weekend’s youth program, kids grinning with paint-stained hands. You stare at the screen for a second, then smile without forcing it.
You push through the glass doors and step outside.
Seoul greets you with crisp air and the sound of buses braking at the curb. People move past with takeaway coffees, office bags, hurried steps. The world didn’t change while you were inside. The skyline is the same. The traffic lights blink through their cycle like always.
But inside you, something adjusted.
Not a miracle.
Not certainty.
Just permission.
Permission to be patient with yourself.
Permission to grieve what you thought your life would look like.
Permission to still want things without apologizing for the difficulty of reaching them.
Jeonghan isn’t supposed to be on this floor often.
Pediatrics keeps him busy enough that the obstetrics wing usually exists as a distant neighbor.
Today, though, he’d been asked for a quick prenatal consult. A colleague’s patient. A professional courtesy. Nothing unusual.
The door clicks shut behind him, file tucked under his arm, mind already half-shifting back to his own department. He steps aside near the nurses’ station, exchanging a few polite words, and that’s when he sees you.
At first, it’s just movement at the far end of the corridor—someone adjusting the strap of their bag near the administrative counter. Familiar posture. Familiar tilt of the head. His gaze lingers a second longer than courtesy requires.
Then recognition settles.
It’s you.
He doesn’t move immediately. The distance between you is long enough to doubt, short enough to confirm. You’re standing under the overhead lights, expression thoughtful, fingers brushing the edge of a pamphlet you’re not really reading. No bridge. No bright field. Just a quiet hallway that smells faintly of disinfectant and lavender.
He leans slightly against the counter, outwardly casual. Internally, a question rises before he can stop it.
What are you doing here?
The follow-up comes uninvited.
Why do I keep seeing you?
He isn’t superstitious. He doesn’t believe in grand narratives or invisible strings tying strangers together. Life is schedules and coincidences and overlapping routes. Logical. Explainable.
And yet.
Bridge.
Outreach field.
Now this hallway.
Three separate frames. Three different versions of you. Each time, he hadn’t been looking and still, there you were, placed at the edge of his day like a quiet bookmark he never remembers putting in.
He wonders if he should walk over. Ask if you’re okay. Ask why you’re here. Ask anything.
He doesn’t.
Not because he doesn’t want to but because this space feels different. Private in a way the bridge wasn’t. Intentional in a way the outreach field wasn’t. Hospitals hold too many personal crossroads; he knows better than to intrude on one without invitation.
So he stays where he is, exchanging a nod with a passing nurse, pretending to check a message on his phone he hasn’t actually opened.
He watches you thank the administrator, tuck a folded paper into your bag, and head toward the exit. The glass doors slide open, letting in a slice of afternoon light. Then you’re gone, swallowed by the rhythm of the city outside.
Jeonghan straightens.
Coincidence, he tells himself.
Just coincidence.
=
Weekends used to mean silence for Jeonghan.
Late mornings. Long runs. Coffee that went cold because he forgot it on the counter while reading charts he promised himself he wouldn’t open. Quiet, controlled, entirely his.
Today on his rare day off, It's spent inside a children’s café that looks like a rainbow exploded. Plastic slides curl around padded pillars. Ball pits swallow squealing toddlers whole.
The air smells like waffles and disinfectant wipes. Somewhere, a birthday song plays off-key from a rented speaker. It’s chaos packaged in pastel colors.
Jeonghan sits at a tiny table clearly designed for someone half his height, knees angled awkwardly to the side. Across from him, Seungcheol looks perfectly at ease, sipping an iced americano like this is his natural habitat.
Eunji bursts past them in a pink blur, plastic tiara slightly crooked, cape fluttering behind her like she’s late for royal duties.
“Appa! Look!” she calls, climbing onto a foam castle and striking a pose “I’m the queen now!”
“You were always the queen,” Seungcheol replies without hesitation.
Jeonghan snorts “You didn’t even think about that.”
“I don’t need to think. It’s a fact.”
Seungji, meanwhile, stands beside the table clutching a plush dinosaur almost as big as his torso. He peeks at Jeonghan from behind it, eyes wide, then slowly steps closer like approaching a cautious animal.
Jeonghan lowers his voice “That dinosaur looks dangerous.”
Seungji blinks back at him only, the one year old baby boy like a much cuter, gentler version of his father
“Same,” Jeonghan says solemnly.
“You’re good with them,” Seungcheol says
“They’re easy,” Jeonghan replies “They have clear demands. Snacks. Attention. World domination.”
“You just described adults.”
“Adults pretend they don’t want snacks.”
Eunji runs back, demanding both their phones to take “royal selfies.” Seungcheol hands his over immediately. Jeonghan hesitates exactly one second before surrendering his too. Five photos later, they’re both victims of sparkly crown filters.
When she dashes off again, Seungcheol sets his cup down and studies his friend with the same clinical precision he uses in operating rooms
“You’ve been quiet,” he says
“I’ve been listening to princess decrees.”
“You know what I mean.”
Jeonghan shifts in his seat, watching Seungji line up toy cars with intense concentration
“I met someone.”
Seungcheol doesn’t even blink “Again?”
Jeonghan’s head snaps up “What do you mean again?”
“You brought her up twice this month without saying her name.”
“I did not.”
“You did.”
Jeonghan opens his mouth to argue, then closes it. The evidence is unfortunately solid.
“It’s nothing,” he says. “Just coincidence.”
Seungcheol leans back, arms crossing “You don’t say ‘just coincidence’ unless it’s not just coincidence.”
Jeonghan exhales through his nose “I saw her a few times. Different places. That’s it.”
“And you’re thinking about it.”
“I’m… noticing it.”
Seungcheol’s gaze softens a fraction. Not teasing now. Observing “You notice a lot of things. You don’t keep them all.”
“What’s she like?” he asks casually
Jeonghan pauses longer than the question deserves.
“Different,” he says finally. “Depends where you meet her.”
Seungcheol hums “That’s everyone.”
“Not like this.”
Seungcheol smiles faintly “You’re curious.”
“I’m not pursuing anything.”
“I didn’t say you were.”
Jeonghan rubs his templ. “Why does this feel like a diagnosis?”
“Because you came to the wrong department,” Seungcheol replies dryly
“I’m chief of surgery, not your therapist.”
“You act like both.”
“And you ignore both.”
Seungji climbs fully into Jeonghan’s lap now, plush dinosaur sandwiched between them. Jeonghan freezes for half a second, then relaxes, resting a careful hand on the boy’s shoulder. It’s instinctive. Easy.
Seungcheol watches the scene with quiet amusement. “You’d be a good dad.”
Jeonghan blinks “That escalated quickly.”
“I’m just saying.”
He doesn’t answer right away. His gaze drifts to Eunji, to the way Seungcheol’s eyes follow her every movement even while pretending not to. To Seungji’s soft weight leaning trustingly against him. To the noise, the mess, the unfiltered affection.
“You’re overthinking,” he says, voice calm but pointed “When’s the last time I’ve seen you like this?” He taps the table once with his finger
“Exactly. A long while.”
Jeonghan opens his mouth to counter, but Eunji returns like a summoned storm.
“Appa. Snacks.”
Seungcheol doesn’t even sigh. He reaches down beside his chair and pulls up a very pink, very sparkly backpack covered in cartoon rabbits and glitter patches. He unzips it with the practiced ease of a man who has done this a thousand times—juice box, crackers, neatly folded wet wipes, hand sanitizer clipped to a keychain like hospital equipment.
Efficiency. Precision. Chief of surgery… defeated by snack time.
Eunji beams, grabs her prize, kisses her appa on the hand for some reason and runs off againa, cape fluttering behind her like a royal dismissal.
Seungcheol zips the bag, sets it aside, and looks back at Jeonghan like the conversation never paused.
Jeonghan lifts a brow “Who knew the scary Chief Choi would be brought down by a princess and a dinosaur.”
A chuckle escapes Seungcheol, low and unbothered “You’ll get it when you have one of your own.”
Jeonghan scoffs “I already have hundreds. They cry less, though.”
“I’m not talking about patients,” Seungcheol says, shaking his head. His gaze drifts to Eunji, now negotiating slide ownership with another child like a tiny diplomat “I mean your kid. Seeing them. Coming home and they run to you like you’re the best part of their day.”
He pauses, searching for words he doesn’t usually strggle to find.
“No matter how stressful or tiring my day gets,” he continues, quieter now, “they can demand playtime the second I walk through the door and… I still do it. Not because I have to. Because I want to. It doesn’t feel like work. It feels like resetting.”
Jeonghan watches him instead of the kids now. Watches the way Seungcheol’s shoulders loosen just talking about them. The way exhaustion doesn’t erase fondness; it softens it.
“You’re romanticizing,” Jeonghan says lightly.
“I’m sleep-deprived,” Seungcheol corrects “And still saying this.”
A beat passes.
“You think too much about worst-case scenarios, not everything has to be a diagnosis or a prognosis. Some things are just… lived.”
Eunji appears one more time, cracker crumbs on her cheeks. “Uncle Jeonghan, you have to play castle.”
“That sounds like unpaid labor,” he replies
“It’s royal duty,” she corrects
Seungcheol lifts his cup in surrender “You’re outnumbered.”
Jeonghan sighs dramatically, easing Seungji off his lap and standing “If I’m wearing a paper crown, I’m filing a complaint with HR.”
“There is no HR.”
“Exactly my point.”
He follows Eunji toward the foam castle, Seungji trailing behind with his dinosaur dragging along the floor.
For a moment, between pretend thrones and imaginary kingdoms, his mind is blissfully empty.
And then, inconveniently, it isn’t.
Because even here in a pastel kingdom ruled by a six-year-old a quiet thought lingers.
Not about surgery schedules.
Not about charts.
About you.
=
He tells himself he isn’t waiting.
That it’s coincidence.
That Seoul is small.
That people cross paths all the time.
He tells himself this on late night runs when his headphones are in but the volume is lower than usual. On outreach sign-up sheets when his eyes skim the volunteer list a second longer than necessary. On quiet hospital corridors where every familiar silhouette makes his head lift before he can stop it.
He isn’t waiting.
He’s just… noticing.
That’s what he calls it.
Night duty always smells the same.
Antiseptic, stale coffee, and the metallic edge of exhaustion. The fluorescent lights hum overhead, turning everyone two shades paler. Jeonghan is halfway through updating a chart when his pager vibrates
ER. Trauma. Incoming.
He’s already moving before the second buzz.
The emergency room doors swing open and the noise hits him first.
And then he sees you.
For half a second his brain refuses to process it. Blood on your sleeve. A scrape across your temple. Your hands trembling even as you try to steady the woman beside you who’s clutching a bundled infant.
The world narrows.
He steps forward instinctively “You—”
Your eyes snap to him, wide, frantic but focused “Doctor—please. The baby first.”
Not me. Not I’m hurt. The baby.
Of course.
He pivots without hesitation. Training overrides everything else, even the sudden tightness in his chest. The infant is crying. Good sign. Loud lungs.
He checks airway, breathing, circulation with practiced efficiency. Small cut along the forehead, bruising on the shoulder, possible impact but responsive. He speaks softly without realizing it.
“You’re okay. You’re okay.”
The woman—mother—keeps repeating apologies between sobs. Jeonghan gives brief reassurances while examining the child, hands steady, voice even. He signals for supplies, for imaging, for vitals. The ER staff moves around him like a well-rehearsed orchestra.
But his gaze flicks once. Twice.
You’re sitting now on the adjacent bed, a nurse hovering uncertainly because you keep insisting you’re fine. There’s dried blood on your knuckles. Your breathing is too fast. You’re nodding at questions without really hearing them.
He doesn’t look again. He can’t. Not yet.
“Vitals stable,” he murmurs, more to himself than anyone else. He finishes the primary assessment, ensures the baby is secured, then turns slightly toward a passing nurse. His tone is quiet but firm.
“Bed three,” he says “Check her for head injuries, lacerations. Full set of vitals. Now.”
The nurse follows his gaze, understands immediately, and moves.
Jeonghan returns to the infant, fingers gentle as he cleans the small wound. The crying softens into hiccups. Good. Very good. He gives instructions for observation and imaging, confirms there are no immediate red flags. Efficient. Precise.
When he finally steps away, handing the case to the pediatric resident for monitoring, his shoulders feel heavier than they should for a routine trauma check. He removes his gloves slowly, eyes already searching before he admits to himself that he’s searching.
You’re still there.
Bandage now taped to your temple. Hands cleaned but scraped raw. Sitting too straight like if you relax, the adrenaline will drag you under. The nurse is asking questions you’re answering automatically.
He approaches, stops just short of your bed
“You should be lying down,” he says, voice softer than the ER deserves.
You blink up at him, recognition flickering through the haze “The baby?”
“Stable.” A pause “You’re not.”
“I’m fine.”
He exhales quietly. He’s heard that word too many times in too many tones. This one is hollow.
“You’re bleeding,” he replies.
“It’s just scratches.”
“You hit your head.”
“I’ve had worse.”
He studies you for a moment3. The way your fingers keep flexing like they’re remembering the impact. The way your gaze keeps darting toward the mother and child across the room.
“Let them check you properly.”
You hesitate. Not out of fear but out of dismissal. Of yourself.
It irritates him more than it should.
“You told me to check the baby first,” he adds, tone calm but edged now “I did. Now I’m telling you to let them check you.”
A beat passes. Then you sigh, shoulders finally lowering an inch.
“Okay.”
It’s a small victory. Ridiculously small. Yet relief settles in his chest like he just closed a complicated surgery without complications.
He steps back as the nurse resumes the exam, returning to the controlled chaos of the ER. Charts. Orders. Voices. Movement.
But the night has shifted.
Hours later, when the ER quiets and the fluorescent lights feel less harsh, he realizes something he can’t quite categorize.
He finds you near the end of the hallway, perched on the edge of a plastic chair like you’re ready to stand the second someone calls your name.
The bandage on your temple is too white against your skin. Your hands are clasped together, knuckles still faintly red despite the cleaning.
“You helped them,” he says, stopping in front of you
You look up, surprised but not startled this time “They needed help.”
“And you got injured.”
“It’s nothing.”
He studies you for a second too long. Then the words slip out before he decides on them.
“You know you can’t go around saving people if you won’t let others help you.”
A small crease forms between your brows. Defensive. Automatic. “I’m fine.”
He tilts his head slightly “Are you?”
It’s not accusatory. Not clinical. Just… direct.
And he sees it. That tiny fracture in your composure. The flicker in your eyes like a glass surface catching a hairline crack. It’s gone almost immediately, replaced by practiced steadiness, but he saw it.
He doesn’t push. Not here. Not like this.
Instead, he gestures lightly with his chin “Come with me.”
You hesitate. Then stand.
The corridor grows quieter the farther you walk. The harsh ER lights give way to softer ones, footsteps muffled against polished floors. He doesn’t explain where you’re going; you don’t ask.
He stops outside the nursery and swipes his badge. The door opens with a soft click.
Inside, the air is warm and dim. Rows of bassinets line the room, monitors blinking gentle green and blue. The world feels… suspended here. Like time agreed to walk slower.
He leads you to one corner.
The baby you carried in—
the one you bled for—
is asleep. Tiny chest rising and falling in steady rhythm. A small bandage on the forehead. Fingers curled into loose fists like dreams are being held gently.
Your shoulders lower in a way he hasn’t seen all night. Not dramatic. Just a subtle release, like a knot loosening one thread at a time. Your eyes soften, the tension around them easing. Relief, pure and unfiltered, washes over your features.
You let out a breath you probably didn’t know you were holding.
“He’s really okay?” you ask, voice barely above a whisper
“He is.”
Jeonghan watches you instead of the monitors. He notices the way your injured hand curls inward when it rests, protecting itself unconsciously.
“You did good,” he says
You blink, like the words don’t quite land where he intended “Anyone would’ve done the same.”
He shakes his head once “No. They wouldn’t.”
After a moment, you turn to him “Thank you.”
He almost laughs at the reversal “You’re thanking me?”
“You showed me he’s okay.”
“You needed to see it.”
You nod once. Honest. No pretense.
He gestures toward your bandaged temple “You still need observation.”
“I know.”
“You’re not leaving, are you?”
A small smile tugs at the corner of your mouth. “No.”
Good. He doesn’t say it out loud. He just inclines his head slightly, satisfied in a way that has nothing to do with successful procedures or completed charts.
As you both stand there, watching the steady rise and fall of a sleeping child, a quiet understanding settles between you—unspoken but clear.
You save people without asking who will catch you. He catches people before asking why they fell.
And for tonight, at least, both of you allowed the other to do it.
He doesn’t want to leave you alone with your thoughts.
He also doesn’t want to make it obvious.
“You need something in your system,” he says, slipping easily into doctor-tone like it’s a coat he can button up whenever necessary. “Adrenaline crash is worse when you haven’t eaten”
“Is that medical advice?”
“Yes. Very official.”
“…Coffee?”
“Coffee works.”
It’s an excuse. A decent one.
You both accept it without calling it what it is.
The hospital cafeteria at this hour is half asleep. One vending machine hums too loudly. The overhead lights are dimmer, kinder. The smell of instant noodles and burnt espresso lingers in the air like a permanent resident.
He orders two coffees without asking how you take yours, then hesitates, adds sugar packets to the tray anyway. You sit across from each other at a metal table.
For a minute, neither of you speaks.
Then you do.
“I can’t…” You stop, eyes fixed on the swirl of foam in your cup like it might finish the sentence for you “I was told I’d struggle having kids.”
He doesn’t interrupt.
You swallow. Continue.
“And I adore them. I always have. I thought… I thought love would be enough to soften that reality.” A humorless breath escapes you. “My ex said he was fine with it. For years. We talked about it more than once. He knew.”
Your fingers tighten slightly around the paper cup.
“Then one day he just… wasn’t fine anymore. Said he wanted certainty. Said he didn’t want to stay with a woman who might not give him a family.” You shake your head quickly
“I don’t blame him. I don’t. People change. I just—” Your voice thins “I didn’t want this either. I wanted more too.”
The words don’t come out dramatic.
They come out tired like you’ve carried them so long they’ve worn smooth at the edges.
Jeonghan listens the way surgeons listen to heartbeats. steady, focused, without inserting himself where he isn’t needed.
“You know,” he says finally, quiet but certain, “that doesn’t make you any less.”
You look up, skepticism already forming, but he continues before it can solidify.
“The fact that you go out of your way for kids who aren’t even yours,” he says, gaze unwavering, “that already makes you better than most parents.”
You blink, caught off guard.
“I see parents every day,” he adds, tone still gentle but grounded in reality “Some are incredible. Some are… trying. Some forget their kids in wating rooms. Some don’t show up at all. Biology doesn’t guarantee devotion. It doesn’t guarantee patience. It doesn’t guarantee love.”
He pauses, choosing words with unusual care.
“You didn’t walk into that ER because you were obligated. You weren’t related. You weren’t responsible. You just saw someone who needed help and you stepped in.” His eyes flick briefly to the bandage on your temple, then back to you. “That’s not lack. That’s abundance.”
Silence stretches, but it isn’t empty. It’s full of things settling into place, of defenses lowering by degrees instead of collapsing all at once.
“I just…” you murmur “I feel like I’m grieving something that hasn’t even happened.”
He nods once. No surprise there “That’s still grief.”
You study him, like you’re measuring whether he truly understands or is just being kind for kindness’ sake.
“I work with kids, families. I tell them there are different ways to build a life. Different ways to love. I believe it when I say it to them.” A small smile flickers “I just forget to believe it for myself.”
“That’s normal,” he replies. “We’re all better doctors, better advisors, better everything for other people.”
You huff a faint laugh “You’re including yourself in that?”
“I give excellent advice I rarely follow.”
The corner of your mouth lifts, just a little. The first genuine hint of lightness since you sat down.
He slides the sugar packets toward you. You take one without thinking, tear it open, pour. The mundane motion steadies you more than any reassurance could.
“You’re allowed to want more, you’re also allowed to redefine what ‘more’ looks like if life doesn’t hand you the original blueprint.”
“That sounds like something a psychiatrist would say.”
“I know one. He’d be proud.”
You shake your head, but the tension in your shoulders has eased. Not gone—just… redistributed. Manageable.
For a while, you both sip your coffee in comfortable quiet. Jeonghan doesn’t offer solutions. He doesn’t promise outcomes.
He just sits there, present in a way that doesn’t crowd you.
And when you finally look up again, eyes clearer than before, he gives a small, almost teasing tilt of his head.
“Next time,” he says lightly, “try saving people without bleeding for them.”
You exhale a soft laugh “No promises.”
He accepts that answer like it’s perfectly reasonable because maybe the point was never to stop you from caring too much. Maybe it was just to make sure, when you do someone is theer with coffee and quiet certainty, reminding you that what you are is already enough.
“And one more thing.”
You raise a brow “Another medical advisory?”
“This one’s… philosophical.” A small curve touches his lips. “Bridges.”
You blink. “Bridges?”
“They’re meant to be crossed,” he says. “Not jumped from.”
It takes you a second.
Then two.
Understanding settles, and with it comes a faint, embarrassed exhale. He isn’t teasing. He isn’t accusing. He’s just… referencing.
A shared memory that neither of you has named out loud until now.
“Problems are like that,” he continues, tone gentle “You move along them. Step by step. You don’t let them conquer you.”
You study his face, searching for judgment. There isn’t any.
“That night,” he adds after a beat, softer now, “you looked like the world was louder than you could handle. It makes more sense now,”
“The heaviness. The tiredness.” His gaze drops briefly to the table, then returns to yours. “The lonely.”
The word doesn’t land as an accusation. It lands as recognition.
You swallow, fingers tightening slightly around your cup. Not defensive this time—just seen. There’s a difference. A big one.
“I wasn’t going to jump,” you murmur
“I know.” A pause “But you were standing too close to the edge.”
Silence follows, but it isn’t uncomfortable. It’s the kind that comes after truth has been spoken without theatrics. Without pity. Just… acknowledged.
You let out a slow breath “I didn’t think anyone noticed.”
“I notice a lot of things,” he replies lightly “Occupational hazard.”
“Pediatric surgery requires bridge observation skills now?”
“Apparently.”
A faint smile touches your lips again. Smaller than before, but steadier.
He leans back slightly in his chair, posture relaxed, like he’s giving the moment space instead of pressing into it. “You don’t have to solve everything at once,” he says “You just… keep crossing.”
“I’ll try,” you say
“That’s all anyone does.”
Later you’re finally cleared to go, and after making usre the mother and child were okay you decided to finally go home.
You stand just outside the hospital entrance, fingers curled around your phone while you wait for a cab that keeps getting delayed by five minutes… then seven… then ten.
“—Wait!”
You turn at the sound of your name, surprised enough that your heart skips. Footsteps echo behnd you, quick and uneven. A figure jogs toward you from the entrance, white coat half-buttoned, hair slightly out of place.
Dr. Yoon.
He slows a few steps away, lifting a hand in apology while catching his breath.
You chuckle before you can stop yourself“You ran?”
“Elevators are slow,” he says, straightening “Stairs are… humbling.”
He slips a hand into his coat pocket and pulls out a small white card. For a second he just holds it between tow fingers like he’s reconsidering the gesture. Then he extends it toward you.
You stare at it, then at him.
He clears his throat lightly “You know. For next time.”
“Next time what?” you ask, amused
“For advice on crossing bridges,or how to properly clean a wound. Or… coffee.”
There it is that careful layering. Practicality wrapped around concern, wrapped around something neither of you is naming. The card is simple. His name. Department. Contact number. Nothing personal written, yet the act itself is anything but impersonal.
You take it slowly, fingertips brushing his. The paper is warm from his pocket.
“I’m not planning on getting injured again,” you say.
“Good,” he answers immediately “But plans are… optimistic.”
You glance down at the card once more, then tuck it into your wallet instead of your pocket.
The hospital doors slide open and closed behind him, each hiss a reminder that he’s technically still on duty.
“My cab’s coming,” you say quietly.
He nods “I figured.”
But he doesn’t step back yet.
“Get some rest,” he adds, doctor-voice returning for a beat. Then softer, more himself, “And… try not to save the entire city in one night.”
“No promises,” you echo from earlier, a faint smile tugging at your lips.
A car pulls up to the curb. Your ride. You open the door, then pause, looking back at him standing under the hospital lights expression calm but attentive like he’s committing the moment to memory without meaning to.
“Thank you,” you say.
He shakes his head once “You already said that.”
“I’m saying it again.”
You get into the cab. The door shuts with a muted thud. As the car pulls away, you glance down at the card resting in your hand.
A name.
A number.
An open door disguised as professional courtesy.
Back on the curb, Jeonghan watches the taillights disappear down the street. He exhales, slipping his hands into his pockets. He tells himself it was just practical. Just responsible. Just a doctor making sure someone who got hurt knows where to call if they need help.
Yet the fant smile on his face betrays him.
Jeonghan turns from the curb with a faint smile still lingering. one he doesn’t even realize he’s wearing.
It disappears instantly.
Because leaning against the glass doors of the hospital entrance, arms crossed, one brow raised with surgical precision, stands Chief Choi Seungcheol.
Of course of all people.
Jeonghan straightens like he’s been caught skipping rounds instead of… handing out a card. His hands slip out of his pockets, then back in, then out again. Defensive before a word is even spoken.
“I can explain,” he says immediately
Seungcheol tilts his head slightly “I wasn’t saying anything.”
“That look says something.”
“What look?”
“That look.”
Seungcheol’s other brow joins the first for half a second, then drops “You ran.”
“There was no running.”
“You were out of breath.”
“I took the stairs.”
“That’s running.”
Jeonghan clicks his tongue “You’re exaggerating.”
“I’m observing.”
They stan there for a beat, the automatic doors opening and closing beside them like a metronome marking the awkwardness. A nurse passes by, nods respectfully to the chief, glances curiously at Jeonghan, then keeps walking.
Seungcheol finally pushes off the wall “You gave her your card.”
“That’s… normal.”
“You don’t give everyone your card.”
“I give patients my card.”
“She wasn’t your patient.”
“She was injured.”
“You told a nurse to check her.”
Jeonghan opens his mouth. Closes it. Opens it again. “I was being thorough.”
Seungcheol hums. It’s the same hum he uses in meetings when someone presents a weak argument.
“You also chased her outside.”
“I walked briskly.”
“You jogged.”
“It was a brisk jog.”
“That’s still jogging.”
Jeonghan exhales sharply through his nose “Why are you even here?”
“I’m on call.”
“At the entrance?”
Silence settles for a moment, but it’s the familiar kind like knowing each other’s tells a little too well.
“You like her,” Seungcheol says finally, tone neutral. Not teasing. Not prying. Just… stating.
Jeonghan scoffs “I’m concerned.”
“You sprinted.”
“I did not sprint.”
“You almost sprinted.”
“I did not almost sprint.”
“You fixed your hair before walking out.”
Jeonghan freezes. Seungcheol’s lips twitch. Victory without celebration.
“That was instinct,” Jeonghan mutters.
“Sure.”
They start walking back inside together, footsteps echoing down the corridor.
“You’re smiling,” Seungcheol adds casually.
“I am not.”
“You were.”
“I wasn’t.”
“You wiped it off.”
Jeonghan drags a hand down his face. “You’re insufferable.”
“You’re obvious.”
“I am not obvious.”
“You gave her your personal card.”
“It’s the same card.”
“It’s not the same intent.”
That lands. Not harshly. Just accurately. Jeonghan doesn’t respond right away. The elevator dings. They step inside.
Seungcheol presses the button for their floor “You don’t have to explain,” he says after a moment. “I really wasn’t saying anything.”
“I know,” Jeonghan replies quietly
A beat passes.
“…But you were thinking it.”
Seungcheol smiles faintly “I was thinking you looked different.”
“Different how?”
“Lighter.”
The elevator doors open. The moment dissolves into fluorescent light and routine once more. Jeonghan steps out first, adjusting his coat like he’s shrugging the conversation off with it.
“Go home, Chief. Your princess probably declared another kingdom by now.”
Seungcheol doesn’t follow. He just watches his best friend walk down the corridor with a composure hat’s a little less rigid than usual.
And for someone who claims he isn’t waiting, Jeonghan suddenly looks like a man who just gave himself a reason to.
Tags: 20k words, dub con for safety reasons, Porn with Plot, frat boy!Jeonghan, college student!y/n, best friend!Jeongyeon, soft!dom to hard!dom Jeonghan, mean!Jeonghan (and y/n loves it), submissive!y/n, female!y/n (sorry), impact play, masochist!y/n, sadist!Jeonghan, lowkey the slow-burniest part, appearances from everyone's least favorite, side-character heaven
Summary:
After Jeonghan’s confession, y/n struggles to figure out how she feels
-
You didn’t end up sleeping. Not because you were uncomfortable but because you were fighting your thoughts all night. You wanted to be sure of how you felt before you did anything but at the same time all you wanted to do was lay on Jeonghan’s chest. Hear him breathing.
You wanted to know what it was like to be intimate with him in that kind of way. Something that you knew he wanted with you. You just weren’t sure if you really felt the same way or if your simple sexual attraction to him and the intense nature of your twos’ relationship made you think you wanted him in that way.
You didn’t want to just leave Jeonghan but when you heard the other boys moving around outside Jeonghan’s door you felt like it was better than waiting for him to wake up and for him to realize that you hadn’t slept at all that night.
You changed into a different set of clothes and wondered exactly how you would be able to sneak out. However, the minute you stepped into the hallway your plans were dashed. Seungcheol was leaning against the wall. He looked up at you from beneath his bangs, raising an eyebrow in your direction.
“Well?”
You pressed your lips together, and quietly closed the door behind you.
“I don’t know,” you admitted. “How did you know I would be up?”
“I didn’t,” Seungcheol admitted, a smile flickering across his face as if you two were sharing some kind of secret. “Is Jeonghan still sleeping?”
You nodded.
“What did he tell you?”
“I don’t know if I should tell you,” you said. “It’s kind of… Personal.”
Seungcheol looked confused, and you could tell he wanted to prod more but after a few seconds of clear torment he seemed to let it go.
“Mingyu already knows you’re still here,” he said softly. “You’re not going to be able to get out easily.”
Your eyes fell to the ground, and you muttered a soft curse.
“Is there a window I can climb out of?”
It was a joke. Seungcheol laughed.
“Are you really going to leave Jeonghan without saying goodbye?”
“I don’t want to hurt him,” you said softly. “But… I have a lot of thinking to do. I can’t really…” You were saying too much. You didn’t think that Seungcheol knew how Jeonghan felt about you. “You should really talk to him yourself.”
“You have to stay for breakfast,” Seungcheol said with a shrug. “Everyone knows you’re here. You really going to risk hurting Mingyu’s feelings?”
It hadn’t occurred to you that leaving in the morning without a word would hurt more than just Jeonghan’s feelings, but now that Seungcheol mentioned it you knew he was right. God, you hated that he was right.
You could barely handle the idea of hurting Jeonghan’s feelings right now. He had been so vulnerable with you… You didn’t want him to never open up to someone ever again because of how you reacted in this situation. And you definitely didn’t want to hurt the feelings of thirteen men.
You quirked your head to the side, insinuating to Seungcheol that if he led you would follow. The moment that you stepped into the kitchen; half of the boys let out excited exclamations.
“Y/n is back!” Mingyu said excitedly. “Jeonghan has been such a dick without you around.”
You rolled your eyes at the sentiment, thinking it was odd that they were so excited to see you, when Seokmin added: “I don’t know what’s worse. Hearing you two go at it at night or having Jeonghan yell at us about the littlest things.”
“I think the latter is worse,” Jun said, a smile crossing his face. To his credit he looked genuinely surprised to see you. You supposed you hadn’t seen him at all last night. “Mingyu was over the moon at the fact you were going to be here.”
“I made porridge,” Mingyu said excitedly. He put a bowl in front of you. “Have you ever had it before?”
You laughed and shook your head. You picked up a spoon and as you went to try the food Mingyu sat down next to you, his eyes wide as he watched you.
You laughed aagain nd took a bite.
You let a dramatic pause fill the room, making sure to keep your face neutral. You could tell that it was driving him crazy to see what you were going to say.
After a minute, you smiled.
“Of course, it’s amazing.”
You wondered if this was what it was usually like for the boys of Alpha Mu. Did they get really attached to the partners one another had the way they seemed to have gotten attached to you? Even Seokmin who was clearly annoyed to have to deal with the sound of you and Jeonghan at night seemed to enjoy your company.
You wondered if any of them had stayed friends with partners after break ups.
Still, you tried not to think about it too much. You wanted to focus on less stressful things.
“There is sleeping beauty!” Minghao said, a smile crossing his lips. You looked over your shoulder to find Jeonghan standing there. His hair was messy, his eyes still a little red and puffy from sleeping. He looked annoyed, but then his eyes flickered to you and the annoyance dissipated.
Fuck, why did that just make you feel even more conflicted?
“Why do you always sleep so late?” Joshua chided. “You always make y/n come down alone.”
Jeonghan looked away from you and shrugged.
“She doesn’t mind. She’s always been good at waiting for me.”
He had said it before, but this time it felt different. You patted the spot next to you for Jeonghan to sit down.
“I do have to go soon,” you admitted. You didn’t say what you should. I waited because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. But I don’t know my feelings yet. “But how can I say no to a Mingyu breakfast?”
Despite the fact you didn’t say it out loud, you had a feeling that Jeonghan could hear your thoughts. His expression dropped a little, for just a second, but you noticed. A smile crossed his lips immediately after and if you didn’t know any better you would say that he was completely fine.
You looked at Seungcheol, who pressed his lips together tightly and glanced to the side. You got the gist. You turned your eyes back to Jeonghan.
“No one would say no to a Mingyu breakfast,” Jeonghan agreed.
Breakfast wasn’t awkward but it was frustrating. You shouldn’t want it, but you really wanted Jeonghan to touch you as if he hadn’t confessed his love to you and you hadn’t not given him an answer back.
You didn’t want to admit it out loud, but you loved the way that he always had his hands on you when you two were together. Before you had thought he was just touchy, but thinking back on it you were realizing that it was actually the way he had been showing you that all his attention was on you even when it seemed like it wasn’t.
You wanted to be mad that he had thought he needed to dangle other people in your face to get your attention but thinking about it now you really hadn’t ever given him attention. You had constantly tried to leave before he woke up, never texted him or called him, never visited him where you knew he lived and only came when there was a party to crash.
No wonder he had been so desperate.
“I really should get going,” you insisted, ignoring the protests from all the boys. You rolled your eyes. “I’ll be around.”
Were you just saying that to make the others feel better or did you actually mean it?
You glanced at Jeonghan giving him a smile and a nod. Jeonghan gave you back that same convincing smile that he had been giving out all morning. You avoided eye contact with Seungcheol and started to head home.
-
When you walked into your apartment, you were surprised to find Jun and Jeongyeon waiting for you in the kitchen. You blinked, looking from Jun to the shoes that he had left at the entrance. Your mouth fell open a little.
“How did you…?” Your head fell to the side a little bit, the corner of your mouth turning up in confusion. “How did you get here before me?”
Jun waved off your confusion.
“Not important. What happened with Jeonghan?” He asked. “I thought you two weren’t talking? And then I heard you two last night-”
“How could you not tell me?” Jeongyeon blurted, a mostly exaggerated flash of hurt crossing her face. “What made you decide to start talking to Jeonghan again?”
“Well…” You trailed off as you kicked your shoes off your feet. “You know how Seungcheol came to see me? He convinced me to go to the party last night in disguise so I could see for myself that Jeonghan wasn’t sleeping with other people.”
“And?” Jeongyeon prodded. Both her and Jun were for some reason sitting on your kitchen counter and they both patted the space in between them simultaneously. You rolled your eyes but started over there.
“Well, I kind of sabotaged the plan by talking to Jeonghan and he figured out it was me,” you admitted. As soon as you had hopped up on the counter next to them, Jeongyeon hopped down. She went over to the freezer and pulled out three pint-sized cartons of ice cream. Your eyebrows furrowed slightly in confusion.
“When did you…?”
“I bought these when you and Jeonghan first stopped talking,” Jeongyeon explained, handing a carton to both you and Jun along with some spoons. “I know you and Jeonghan have always been kind of emotionally detached but I wanted to prepare for the worst.”
You pressed your lips together.
That was the real problem with all of this. That right there was the real reason that this situation required so much thinking. You had been emotionally detached from Jeonghan. You had done such a good job putting Jeonghan in the Just Sex box that now you were having trouble putting him in any other box.
“Oh god, what did Jeonghan say to you?” Jeongyeon asked after you had been silent for a few moments.
“It couldn’t have been that bad,” Jun speculated. “They did have sex last night and they seemed fine at breakfast this morning.”
“Jeonghan loves me.”
Silence fell between the two. You could feel them staring at you and it only made your mind race even faster. You groaned and buried your face in your hands, leaving the cold cartoon of ice cream pressed between your thighs.
“Well, he didn’t say that but he said that,” you continued. “He told me that he’s liked me since freshmen year. That I’m too good for him. That he is so crazy about me he couldn’t deal with me not being the same level of crazy for him.”’
“No, he didn’t,” Jun said, but it wasn’t that he didn’t believe you. It was in pure astonishment.
“He said: ‘When I say that I crave you, I mean it in a way you will never fully understand’.”
Jeongyeon squealed a little next to you, reaching across your lap to hit Jun on his thigh.
“I knew it,” she said excitedly. “I called this! I knew that Jeonghan had fallen for you!”
You looked up, giving Jeongyeon a strained look. She let out a nervous laugh.
“Sorry,” she mumbled. “But isn’t this a good thing?”
“I don’t know,” you admitted with a sigh. “Is it? I’m not in love with Jeonghan.”
“Maybe not,” Jeongyeon agreed. There was a long stretch of silence between the three of you. “But also… Maybe you are?”
Luckily it didn’t seem like you were the only one who thought that didn’t make sense.
“Huh?” Jun mumbled. Jeongyeon hummed, jumping off the counter to head over to the living room. You and Jun followed her in tow. Jeongyeon sat on the couch, Jun on the arm of the couch, and you on the floor.
“Like… You’re not in love with him. Of course not, because when boundaries are in front of you, you don’t cross them,” Jeongyeon started. As she spoke you took a spoonful of ice cream. To give Jeongyeon credit where it was due: She knew you the best out of anyone. How did she remember what your favorite ice cream flavor was? “But I mean… You did cross the boundary a little. Didn’t you?”
Maybe she didn’t know you as well as you thought.
“No, I didn’t-”
“That day you were telling me that Jeonghan was going to sleep with Chaedom and told you not to come over you went over, didn’t you?” She pressed. You fell silent. “Right. And why did you care so much anyways?”
“I didn’t care,” you mumbled. “It was just annoying… I don’t know- I really wanted him that day.”
“Gross,” Jun mumbled. You and Jeongyeon ignored him.
“But didn’t you wonder why?” Jeongyeon continued. “I mean, even after that you didn’t seem to want him as badly as you did then. Why did you want him so badly that day?”
Jeongyeon was raising some great questions, but before you could try to answer them, she was continuing.
“And don’t you think it’s weird that you do all these mundane things with him?” Jeongyeon asked. “Like you’ve had fuck buddies before. Small flings, whatever they didn’t mean anything.”
“Yeah,” you agreed. Jeongyeon’s eyes widened a little and she gestured towards you as if she was trying to make you realize something.
“They didn’t mean anything,” Jeongyeon emphasized. “You didn’t wait for them to wake up or eat breakfast with them. You definitely didn’t end up shopping with them, or staying the night when you two weren’t actively sleeping together.”
“That’s-” Such a good point. “Just because they weren’t persistent like Jeonghan is.”
“Y/n, open your eyes,” Jeongyeon insisted. “You don’t do things you don’t want to do.”
You hadn’t really known Jeonghan for very long at this point, but Jeongyeon’s persistence made you fall silent regardless. She was right. Of course, she was right.
You had been so focused on not liking Jeonghan that you had been ignoring the obvious signs that you did like him. Maybe not love- How could you be in love with Jeonghan so quickly after all, but you did really care for him didn’t you?
If it had been one of your old flings you wouldn’t be so hesitant to break their heart. It would have been easy for you to brush them off and tell them you didn’t feel that way. But you cared about Jeonghan’s feelings.
Fuck, how had you gotten here?
Jeonghan had been frustrated because you weren’t crazy about him the way he was you but weren’t you a little? You had been so jealous of Chaedom, and the only reason that you were so nonchalant about him sleeping with other people was because he had always returned to you. There had been no doubt in your mind that you meant more to him than everyone else at some point. Even if you didn’t think it was love.
Normally that should have been a red flag. You could easily find a different fuck buddy, but Jeonghan had made you feel special even while he was just a fling. Isn’t that what made it so different with him?
“How did this happen?” You asked softly. You groaned and buried your face in your hands. “I mean I know he loves me but Yoon Jeonghan? What if… I don’t know what if he gets bored?”
“I mean, I’m hardly the expert,” Jun interjected. “But isn’t that a fear when getting into any relationship?”
“Which is why I am not looking for a relationship!” You replied. “Because I don’t want those fears. What if he gets bored? What if we break up? What if he still wants to be with other people?”
“He already said that he doesn’t want to date other people. Remember? That was what started all of this in the first place.”
You pursed your lips. Fuck.
“What are your qualms with really being with Jeonghan?” Jun asked. “Like, really?”
“I already said,” you replied. “What if he gets bored of me or what if we don’t work out or-”
“Not in general, of specifically being with Jeonghan,” Jun interrupted. “Like what specific things about Jeonghan worry you? Do you not think that he will be nice to you?”
“What?” You blurted. “Of course, he would be nice to me. Jeonghan is always nice to me.”
“So, you just don’t think he’s ready for a relationship,” Jeongyeon joined in.
“No,” you disagreed again. “I think that Jeonghan has been wanting a relationship for a lot longer than he realizes.”
You shifted a little.
“Do you two not get along emotionally?” Jun prodded.
“Jeonghan can read me really well,” you replied with a shake of your head. “I think that we get along fine.”
“Then what?” Jeongyeon pressed. “What is the grand reason that you are worried that Jeonghan and you would be bad together?”
“Me,” you blurted. Jeongyeon and Jun shared matching wide eyed expressions. “It’s me, okay?”
You looked down into your lap unsurely.
“Jeonghan’s been in love with me since freshmen year,” you said. “That is years of looking at me and filling in the gaps of my personality that he didn’t know and that means that a large part of what he likes about me is just what he hopes I’m like.”
“That’s not-”
“And if that’s not even true what is true is that Jeonghan knows for sure that he is ready to date me. That’s why he admitted he liked me. But yesterday if you had asked me if I wanted to be in a relationship, I would have said no.”
“You’re overthinking it.”
“It’s unfair of me to date him when I’m not ready for a relationship. The problem isn’t Jeonghan. It’s never been Jeonghan. The problem is me. I haven’t been in a relationship for longer than a few months ever. Even the very few people that have been nice to me…”
You trailed off, thinking.
“Hwanwoong… Gunhak…” You strained to think of more. “That’s it. Those are the only two people who have really liked me and maybe been willing to marry me and I got scared and I broke up with them.”
You groaned and fell forward into your hands.
“I can’t hurt Jeonghan guys. Who cares about the others? I can’t hurt Jeonghan.”
Jeongyeon and Jun were quiet for a little bit. In fact, it stretched on for so long that you forced yourself to look back up at them, your hands dragging down your cheeks in frustration.
“Well?” You blurted. “I just barred out my heart and you two aren’t going to say anything?”
Again, they were quiet for a little too long and you dropped your head back into your hands.
“Fuck.”
“It’s just…” Jeongyeon’s words dragged you up out of your hands. “You’ve never… I just… You always acted like you just really didn’t care about relationships. I didn’t realize…”
“Yeah.”
There was silence, before suddenly, Jun broke it.
“Y/n, you’re really stupid.”
“Jun,” Jeongyeon hissed, and you heard him audibly get hit. You looked up at the two in surprise.
“What? She is,” he insisted. “And you are too! You both are really stupid.”
He looked over at you, shoving his hand forward.
“Who cares if you don’t think you are ready for a relationship? No one goes into a relationship knowing for sure that they are going to marry the person they are dating. That’s the hope but not the fact,” he insisted bluntly. “And the fact that you even care about this is just proof that you do care about him.”
“That’s not-”
“You just don’t want to lose him!” Jun interrupted. “If you didn’t care about Jeonghan then this wouldn’t matter at all. You like having sex with him? Say you like him, and you can keep having sex. Who cares about breaking a few hearts on the way?”
“I’m not a monster, Jun,” you said slightly offended by what he was saying.
“I’m just saying you broke up with the others easy right? But you so desperately care about Jeonghan you don’t even want to tell him that you don’t like him.”
Jun leaned back on the couch.
“Maybe I don’t know anything,” he mumbled. “But that sounds like love to me.”
You pressed your lips together.
“That…” You groaned and dropped your head into your hands again. “I just… I really don’t want to hurt him.”
“Stop being stupid,” Jun said, this time reaching over and physically hitting you. “Jeonghan can handle being hurt. And you’re preparing for a storm that you don’t even know is coming. Just do what every other idiot on the planet does and date the guy you like.”
You knew Jun was right.
God, you couldn’t believe that you were getting genuinely good advice from Moon Junhui.
“Jeongyeon-” You looked over at her with a wide and frustrated expression. She had a mostly blank look on her face and she just shook her head.
“I can’t… I can’t say anything, he’s right,” she said in awe. “I mean… Just think about it. Jimin and I dived into a relationship even though I’m pretty sure neither of us really know where it’s going to go. But I mean… I’m not scared.”
“How can you not be scared?” You pressed.
“Because it’s Jimin,” Jeongyeon replied. “The scariest thing I did was admit that I have real feelings for a fuck buddy. Now we’re both in the same boat where we both like each other and we both want to stay together… That’s what matters. Not the possibility of a breakup.”
“Look, this is easy for both of you-” you insisted, but it made Jun hit you again.
“It’s easy for you too! Do you or do you not like Jeonghan?” Jun asked.
“No,” you said stubbornly.
“Right,” Jun replied sarcastically. “That’s why you are thinking about this so much. Just call him y/n.”
Before you could respond Jun walked over to you, digging your phone out of your pocket and shoving it into your hands.
“I can’t tell him that I like him over the phone,” you hissed back. “Okay, I relent. I like Jeonghan. I like his attention; I like his touch sexual or not. I… I want to be close to him. I want to see him every day. It’s thrilling being at a party where everyone wants him but I know at the end of the night he will be with me.”
You knew you didn’t have to say it.
“I just... I can’t tell him over the phone. I’ll go see him…” You trailed off. “But not today. Later. I have to think about what I’m going to say right?”
-
Was that just an excuse to avoid having to talk to Jeonghan? Yes, yes it was.
Because sure Jeonghan liked you, and sure you liked him, and sure you shouldn’t be scared that this wasn’t going to last but you were scared of it anyways and you didn’t have to think about it. Not yet. Not until you talked to him.
So… You just decided to push off talking to him.
And if it were any better, (your impending Psych degree said it wasn’t) you weren’t talking to anyone. Not Jeonghan, not Yeongtae, not Jeongyeon… Not until your phone started buzzing against your table while you were deep in your psych book.
You slid open the phone, wincing when your ear was hit with loud noises.
“Yeongtae?” You mumbled.
“Not Yeongtae. But calling on behalf of him.” There was silence for a little. “You’re y/n, his only friend right?”
You sighed, were people starting to know you for that reason?
“Yeah, that’s me. Yeongtae’s only friend.”
“He just threw up in a sink at a party. Can you come get him? He keeps saying that you’re the only one who would be willing to come get him.”
“He’s at a party on a Wednesday?”
The person on the other end of the phone, made a sound of offense.
“I’m also at a party on a Wednesday.” You two were quiet for a while. “Are you going to pick him up or not?”
You sighed and closed your textbook. What choice did you really have?
“Yeah, I’ll come get him.”
-
Your first thought upon getting to the party was that there were way too many people there for a Wednesday. Seriously, who went to a party on a Wednesday?
You wormed through the crowd, avoiding as much eye contact with people as you could.
“Y/n.”
You ignored the calls, immediately recognizing that whoever it was wasn’t Yeongtae.
But the ignoring was pointless.
“Y/n-” The boys voice came again. Louder. Whinier. You rolled your eyes and turned around in time for someone to collide into you. You both stumbled, making the boys head pop up out of your chest. He looked a little dizzy. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall into you.”
You frowned, squinting your eyes.
“Yeonjun?”
“Yeonjun!” He cheered loudly, throwing his hands in the air. The momentum splashed some of his beer out of the top of the cup in his hand and he jumped to the side to avoid it. You raised an eyebrow towards him. “Y/n, I’m so glad you’re here because I need to know how it went with Jeonghan.”
He took a swig of his drink and then his eyes widened.
“I’m so rude-” He thrust his cup forward. “Drink!”
You smiled at him.
“You know, I don’t want any but-” As you spoke you took the cup. “I’m going to take this away from you because I think you have had enough.”
A pout crossed Yeonjun’s lips, and he half-heartedly chased the drink. He gave up however once you had it pulled close to you.
“Why are you here if not to drink?” He asked.
“Looking for Yeongtae,” you replied. Yeonjun’s eyebrows furrowed deeply.
“Yeongtae?”
You raised your hand to Yeongtae’s height.
“This tall… Uh, mullet? I think. Long face?”
Yeonjun looked at you completely lost, and you sighed waving your hands in the air dismissively.
“Yeah, I just, I have to pick him up,” you mumbled. “Unfortunately, he’s my responsibility. He has no friends.”
“If he has no friends, how did he get invited to this party?” Yeonjun asked, with a genuinely confused expression on his face. You pressed your lips together and nodded slowly.
“You know what? Great question,” you agreed. “I really do have to look for Yeongtae. Are you…” You trailed off and gestured to the party around you. “Do you have anyone to get your home?”
“I have friends,” Yeonjun said cryptically. You frowned, but before you could say more Yeonjun was disappearing into the crowd of people.
Weird.
You turned and just as you did you caught a glimpse of the absolute last person that you wanted to see at this party.
Fuck, Yunjun.
You spun around on your heel, instantly desperate to disappear into the crowd, but you knew that Yunjun had seen you.
Yeongtae would be fine without you right? Maybe you could come get him from this place in the morning. Surely Yunjun wouldn’t be here at 8am. Maybe-
“Y/n-”
You resisted the urge to hit yourself in the face. Instead, you just pressed both of your eyes tightly shut and completely froze, hoping that Yunjun would go away. A hand landed on your shoulder.
You forced a smile across your lips, and turned around, shrugging the hand off of you.
“Yunjun,” you said. “How lucky am I to see you again so soon?”
Your enthusiasm wasn’t quite reaching your voice and Yunjun seemed to notice it. He reached forward, fisting his fingers into your shirt and pulled you sharply forward. Your eyes widened.
“Woah-”
Yunjun’s lips quirked up into a smile once you were close to him. His eyes narrowed a little.
“You haven’t been drinking,” he observed. “There’s the y/n that I know.”
You forced your lips into a larger smile and pressed your hands to Yunjun’s shoulders pushing him away with as much strength as you could muster.
“We aren’t doing this,” you said with a laugh. “Like. Really. We aren’t doing this.”
You weren’t sure exactly what it was about this. Was it the fact that it was a party on a Wednesday? Was it the fact that you were there to pick up Yeongtae? Or maybe it was the fact that you knew that someone liked you. The fact that you knew that if you wanted you could be with Jeonghan right now. Sitting on the Alpha Mu living room floor fucking around with legos while Jun begged Minghao for a house cat.
You wanted that. You really, really, wanted that because if that was your life right now you wouldn’t care about your stupid ex at a party. You wouldn’t have been so stressed this weekend and to top it all of you wouldn’t be here at this party picking up Yeongtae alone.
So, you figured, in the end it was that. Your own stupidity that was actually pushing you to speak to Yunjun like this. You were so fucking mad at yourself and you had no one to take it out on because even stupid Yeongtae just meant the best.
But Yunjun?
You had been waiting for ages to tear into him.
And if you were too stupid to simply have a conversation with Jeonghan, you were certainly too stupid to start an argument with Yunjun at a party.
Yunjun’s eyebrows furrowed, the corner of his lips dropping.
“What?”
“I’m not even supposed to be at this party,” you replied. “And you haven’t talked to me in months. Not really. Why would I willingly walk into this?”
Yunjun looked a bit confused. Probably because he was starting to realize that this wasn’t some bit that you were playing as foreplay.
“You can’t keep pretending like you don’t want me,” Yunjun said, but he sounded uncertain. You narrowed your eyebrows at him.
“I don’t want you,” you insisted. “I am not yours anymore and I was barely yours when I was.”
You saw a flicker of irritation go across Yunjun’s face and you knew that you were poking a bear. Honestly, you didn’t really care.
“I can’t really figure out what was worse about you actually. Your ego or the fact that you never made me come even once.”
“Y/n, you better watch your mouth-”
“Or what Yunjun? What are you going to do?” You asked. “What could you possibly do to me in a room full of people?”
You were very aware that you were letting your anger towards your unsure feelings towards Jeonghan get to you and you were very aware that you didn’t really care. But you also were aware of the fact that you would need a quick way out of this situation. You slid your phone out of your pocket, glancing at the screen as you pulled up the contact that you needed.
“Y/n, if you’re trying to play a brat right now you aren’t doing it well,” Yunjun warned.
“Do I look like I’m playing a brat?” You asked him. “Just because someone is finally telling you that you suck doesn’t mean that I’m playing a brat.”
You glanced back down at your phone; the call being picked up practically immediately.
“Y/n you have exactly two seconds to apologize to me,” Yunjun said, and his voice was low. Scary. “Or I’m going to show you exactly what I will do to you in a room full of people who- For your information are not looking at you and are so drunk they won’t notice anything.”
Wordlessly you shoved your phone against Yunjun’s ear, forcing it into his hands. At first Yunjun looked confused, but he took the phone, his eyebrows furrowing.
“Hello?”
He was silent for a moment.
“This is Yunjun, who the fuck is this?” There was some silence. “No.” More silence. More frustration from Yunjun. “It’s not my fault-” He stopped and sighed heavily. “Then why aren’t you here?”
Whatever was said next seemed to do the trick. Yunjun gave you a frustrated look.
“I’m sorry.”
His words were quiet but before you said that he rolled his eyes moving your phone slightly away from his ear.
“I said I’m sorry,” he said louder. He turned his head so that it was clear he was talking to the phone again. “Is that better?”
After a few more moments of silence, he looked at you, pushing your phone back into your hands.
“You…” He looked like he wanted to say more but he didn’t. He just shook his head and rolled his eyes. “Not fucking worth it.”
And then he walked away. You pressed your lips tightly together and glanced down at your phone for a few seconds before bringing the screen to your face. Despite the roar of the party, you could hear the breathing on the other end of the phone very clearly.
“Thank you.”
Your voice was a bit quiet, and you were practically withholding breathing so that you wouldn’t miss the next thing that was said.
“You’re welcome.”
More wasn’t said.
“I…” You were hesitant. “I’m not drunk I just… I was a little angry and I needed some back up.” There was another small stretch of silence. “I don’t usually go to parties on Wednesday’s but I-”
“You don’t have to explain to me why you’re at a party on a Wednesday. And if you wanted to get drunk at a party you know I wouldn’t judge you for that.”
“I know Jeonghan,” you said, and you could hear the desperation in your voice as you spoke. “I just… I want you to know that I really don’t mean to…” Fuck. “I really want to talk to you about it I just…”
“It’s okay,” he replied, but his voice was a little strained. “Take all the time you need.”
Now was a good time for you to hang up the phone.
“Jeonghan can you…” Don’t ask. “Can you pick me up?”
There was shuffling on Jeonghan’s end as soon as the words left your mouth.
“I’ll be there in ten.”
Well, that gave you ten minutes to find Yeongtae.
-
When Jeonghan pulled up to the house you were sitting directly next to a very drunk Yeongtae who you had found in the kitchen with his head dunked in the sink. Jeonghan rolled down the passenger seat window and took one glance at you two before sighing.
“Come on.”
You wrapped your fingers around Yeongtae’s biceps and dragged him up with you, also supporting him by his elbow. He stumbled next to you, and you struggled to keep him upright.
“Yeongtae,” you urged softly. He glanced up at you. “I know that you like to make my life miserable, but I still haven’t talked to Jeonghan and he is here to pick me… Us up okay? So don’t say anything stupid.”
“It’s not my fault if I say something,” Yeongtae replied, his words comically slurred. “You should have already talked to him. It’s been weeks.”
“It’s been like four days,” you argued back. “Now I’m serious. Be cool.”
You dragged Yeongtae over to Jeonghan’s car, and pulled open the back seat, pushing him in. Yeongtae groaned when his face hit the car seat and you scooted in next to him. You closed the door behind you and tried to wrestle Yeongtae upright in the seat beside you. Jeonghan was quiet as you situated Yeongtae in the seat, clicking the seatbelt across his chest.
Yeongtae’s head drifted to the side and his head bumped against the car window. He groaned.
“I’m sorry to ask,” you said, leaning forward. “I just- Well, I was studying and Yeongtae needed someone to pick him up.”
Jeonghan glanced over at you over his shoulder.
“You don’t have to explain it to me,” he said softly. You placed your hand on the center console of the car, which gave Jeonghan the opportunity to take your hand in his. He pulled you forward a little bit by your hand and a small smile flickered across his lips.
“No matter what our relationship becomes, no matter what you say to me, you can always call me if you need anything,” he said softly. “I really don’t want you to think that you ever need to apologize to me for anything.”
You were quiet for a little bit, looking at Jeonghan’s hand in yours.
“You told me that you’ve liked me since freshmen year and I just… Left.”
“At least you stayed for breakfast,” he replied. You couldn’t help the way that it caused a smile tug at the corner of your lips. Still though, you felt bad. “Where am I taking you and your dashing secret boyfriend?”
He laughed and gave your hand a squeeze. You ignored the secret boyfriend comment. He deserved to take jabs at your relationship with Yeongtae given the current circumstance.
“Can you take me to my place?” You asked him softly. “Yeongtae doesn’t have a roommate and I hate his place.”
Jeonghan’s hand left yours and he shifted the cars’ gear.
“Put your seat belt on,” he said. You nodded and leaned back into the seat, putting on your seat belt as you were told.
“I wasn’t going to come out,” you repeated softly. Even though Jeonghan told you that you didn’t have to explain you felt like you needed to. “It’s just that Yeongtae’s been trying so hard to make friends that he’s been going out a lot and, you know, he has no friends so when he got super drunk today, they called me. And I was just going to walk him home but-”
“You ran into Yunjun,” Jeonghan filled in. You nodded, even though Jeonghan couldn’t see you.
“I just didn’t have anyone else to call,” you said, but that wasn’t exactly true. You didn’t know what to say to Jeonghan about his confession. But you knew what you wanted to say.
… No you didn’t. You thought you knew what you wanted to say. You had the idea of what you wanted to say. You just didn’t know how to say it yet. All you knew was that you did have other people you could have called. You just chose to call Jeonghan because you wanted an excuse to see him.
That wasn’t fair. Jeonghan deserved a real response.
“Jeonghan,” you said softly. “I have a question that I shouldn’t really ask you.”
He glanced at you from in the rearview mirror.
“Ask it,” he said softly. You glanced away from him and looked at Yeongtae beside you. His face was red, and still pressed up against the window. He was sweating a little. You reached over, brushing his hair out of his face and pressing the back of your hand to his forehead so that you could feel the heat through your hand.
“Have you ever wanted a real relationship before?”
He was quiet for a second.
“No,” he replied. You glanced at the back of his head. “The only person who has ever made me want something serious is you.”
The car went over a pothole, and it made Yeongtae hit his head on the window. He groaned and tipped forward. You caught him with a hand to his chest.
“Woah.”
“Why did you let me drink so much?” Yeongtae groaned out. “I just wanted to impress Chaeryeong from Bio.”
You patted his back.
“For one, I had no control over how much you drank,” you commented. Yeongtae let out another groan, letting his head tip into your chest. You sighed and patted his head. “I’m sure Chaeryeong was really impressed when she saw you throwing up in the sink.”
You heard Jeonghan let out a small, amused huff from the front seat and you glanced up at him.
“Y/n, I feel so miserable,” Yeongtae whined, drawing your eyes back down to him.
“That’s your own fault, you idiot.”
You didn’t live very far away from the party and after only a few more minutes of bickering between you and Yeongtae Jeonghan was putting the car in park at the curb of your place. You unbuckled yourself and got out. You walked around to Yeongtae’s side of the car and opened the door, unbuckling him too. You ducked your head under Yeongtae’s arm, pulling him out of the car.
“Tell Jeonghan thank you,” you murmured.
“Thank you Jeonghan,” Yeongtae pressed out. “I know you hate me, but I really think that we are like friends you know?”
Jeonghan looked back at you two and you could tell from his expression that he didn’t agree. His eyes flickered up to you. You shot him a just play along with it expression and he sighed.
“Sure,” he replied tightly. “Friends.”
You mouthed thank you back at him and pulled Yeongtae out of the car, kicking the door shut with the back of your foot. You struggled to get Yeongtae over to the front door and once you got there you leaned Yeongtae against the wall so that you could get your keys out.
“Y/n.”
You look back over your shoulder at Jeonghan who had his window rolled down.
“Come here.”
You glanced at Yeongtae who looked… Stable, at the very least and then walked back over to Jeonghan’s car. You hid your hands behind your back.
“Yeah?”
Jeonghan looked frustrated by your distance, but he didn’t voice it.
“I just want you to know that I meant everything I said back then, and I meant everything I said tonight. It’s okay if you never give me an answer. I don’t care, I really don’t. What I really care about is you.”
He let his head fall to the side.
“I was so glad that you called me tonight. Even if it doesn’t mean you like me back… You remember what I said about… Reassurance?” he asked softly. You nodded. “You trust me. Even if you don’t like me the way I like you. You trust me. That’s all I care about.”
You felt your heart thudding in your chest.
“Jeonghan I-”
“Yeongtae is falling.”
Your eyes widened and you rushed back over to Yeongtae who was in fact sliding down the wall. You caught him by his bicep and pulled him back up to his feet. When you turned around Jeonghan’s lips were pressed into a small smile.
“I’m serious,” he called over to you. “You never have to respond to my confession if you don’t want to. I just want you in my life. That’s all.”
Before you could reply, Jeonghan raised a hand in Yeongtae’s direction.
“Hope you’re okay tomorrow Yeongtae.”
Yeongtae looked up, the biggest smile spreading across his lips.
“Goodbye best friend!” He exclaimed loudly. Jeonghan’s expression morphed into a slightly strained one and then before you could say anything else to him Jeonghan was driving away. You looked at the spot his car had been, completely forgetting about your plans to get back upstairs for a moment.
Then, you were very aware of the fact that Yeongtae was quite loudly sobbing on you.
“How long are you going to make Jeonghan wait?” Yeongtae cried out, and you looked down at him to see very real tears running down his face. “He’s my best friend and I love him so much.”
You gaped at the crying boy.
“Everyone with two eyes… No anyone with even one eye- no eyes! knows that you love Jeonghan. Just tell him already. Date him, he’s the perfect guy, and then finally we’ll be able to hang out without you because he won’t have to pretend to hate me.”
You fought the urge to tell Yeongtae that Jeonghan hadn’t been pretending when he said he hated him before and you immensely regretted the fact that you let Yeongtae be so involved with your life. You had called him after talking to Jun and Jeongyeon to tell him everything only for him to tell you the same things that they were. Annoying.
“We better get you inside,” was all you said.
-
“So… It’s Friday.”
You looked up at Yeongtae, your eyebrows furrowing at him.
“Yep,” you agreed. You were trying to read.
“It’s been a week since Jeonghan confessed to you and you haven’t even seen him since.”
“That’s not true,” you denied with a sigh. “We saw him Wednesday.”
Yeongtae’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“We did…?” He struggled to recall the memory for a moment before shaking his head. “Not the point- “Look, y/n you have to talk to him. You can’t keep avoiding him.”
You actually could keep avoiding him. In fact, nothing but pure decency was stopping you from doing so.
But, regardless, you knew what Yeongtae meant. You still didn’t give Yeongtae an answer. You looked back down at your book, willing Yeongtae and his common sense to go away.
“I heard he’s going to be at a non-Alpha Mu party tonight,” Yeongtae continued, completing ignoring your silent wishes. “You should really go.”
“He probably doesn’t even want me there,” you said, but you both knew that wasn’t true. “He hates it when I just come see him at parties.”
“Then start seeing him outside of parties,” Yeongtae said with a roll of his eyes. “But you can’t keep avoiding him. Avoidance hurts more than anything else.”
You knew he was right. You hated that he was right. You were the pysch major. You were the one that was supposed to know, be right, and act upon these things. But instead, you were being the wildly unhealthy one.
“Should you be going to parties right now?” You asked him, trying to divert the attention away from yourself. “You don’t seem to have good alcohol tolerance.”
Yeongtae feigned offense, but he didn’t really fall for your diversion.
“I’m trying to get a social circle,” Yeongtae replied, a pout crossing his lips. “You met me at a party. You met Jeonghan at a party. I’m trying to meet my Jeonghan at a party.”
You stared at him.
“You know what I mean.”
“I’m not…” You felt frustrated. “I’m trying to read Yeongtae.”
Yeongtae snatched the book out of your hands and squinted at it.
“Is this a romance?” He asked you. “You are living a romance. Why are you reading about one instead of living yours?”
You snatched the book back from Yeongtae and hit him hard on the shoulder with it. He let out a very loud and audible grunt.
“Y/n!” He protested. “I really don’t know why Jeonghan likes you you’re so mean.”
There was a pout on his lips, and you ignored it. You opened your book back up, thumbing through the pages to try and get back to where you were. Before you could get far, however, the book was being taken away from you again.
“You are not sitting in this apartment another night avoiding your feelings like an idiot,” Yeongtae insisted. He opened up your window and before you could stop him he threw your book out of the window.
“Yeongtae what the-”
You rushed over to the window, just in time to see the book audibly hit the ground.
“You can’t just-”
Yeongtae grabbed you by your wrist and he tugged you away from the window.
“We’re going,” he said pointedly.
“He might not even be there!” You protested loudly.
“He’s going to be there,” Yeongtae argued.
“He never goes to non-Alpha Mu parties,” you argued back.
“They are all going to be there.”
“No, they aren’t.”
Yeongtae pulled out his phone, and pointedly pulled up a contact that said Seungcheol. He put the phone on speaker and you two stood there, staring at each other as the phone rang and rang and-
“Your call can not to be completed as dialed, Choi-”
Yeongtae’s face dusted pink and he ended the line before immediately calling again. The phone rang and rang and-
“Your call can not-“
Yeongtae’s face reddened and he immediately called again. This time the call rang three more times before finally someone picked up.
“Hello…? Who-”
“Seungcheol!” Yeongtae said quickly. “Hey, it’s Yeongtae and-”
“Yeongtae?” You could hear Seungcheol’s confusion. “How did you get my phone number?”
Yeongtae laughed, clearly trying to save face in front of you.
“We’re friends!”
“We’re not friends,” Seungcheol protested. You huffed out a laugh. Apparently a mistake. “Is that… Is y/n with you?”
Your eyes widened and you shook your head quickly trying to tell Yeongtae not to tell Seungcheol you were there.
“Yes it is!” Yeongtae replied. “Say hi y/n.”
You shut your eyes in frustration and silence strung out between the three of you. Silence that went on for a full minute before you finally broke it.
“Hi Cheol,” you mumbled reluctantly. You both heard some whispering on the other end of the phone.
“What are you two… Shut up, shut up they’re going to hang up- What are you two calling about?”
“I’m trying to force y/n to the party,” Yeongtae replied. “But she doesn’t believe that you are all even going to be there.”
More talking over the phone, it was somewhat muffled but you could make out what was being said.
“This is good, we want her at the party.”
“Would Jeonghan want her to see him like this?”
“It doesn’t matter- they need to-“
You could hear the audible sound of Seungcheol leaving whatever room he was in.
“Yeongtae’s right, we’re actually... Jeonghan’s already at the party.”
Seungcheol fell silent, but Yeongtae was taking his words in stride. He had the biggest shit-eating grin on his face, and you could practically hear him saying I told you so.
You snatched Yeongtae’s phone from him and covered the speaker on it.
“I am not going to the party. This is humiliating,” you hissed. “It’s bad enough people are starting to associate you and me as friends-”
“We are friends, and I know that you aren’t really embarrassed of me,” Yeongtae argued back. He was right, you were friends, and you weren’t embarrassed of him, but the slightly offended expression on his face was too funny for you not to keep the joke going.
“What would Jeonghan do if he found out that I only came to the party because you dragged me there.”
“He doesn’t care.” Seungcheol’s voice came muffled from the phone. “Y/n, he just wants to hear from you.”
Everyone on the phone call knew that wasn’t true. He definitely would care if Yeongtae was the one that finally got you to come to the party. And honestly, you didn’t blame him. If Jeonghan was doing the same thing you were doing with Yeongtae with Chaedom…? You would be mad too.
Of course, there was one stark difference between Chaedom and Yeongtae and that was that Yeongtae genuinely didn’t want to fuck you, but Chaedom definitely did want to fuck Jeonghan.
“Y/n.”
You looked up from the phone to find that Yeongtae was looking at you. His expression was more serious than you had ever seen it before. Every single trace of humor gone from his face despite having been there moments ago.
“You can’t stop avoiding him. You’re going to regret it. You know you’re going to regret it. You have to go see him.”
Again silence strung out between the three of you. You repressed the urge to sigh and nodded once.
“Okay, yeah.” You looked down at Yeongtae’s phone as if you could look at Seungcheol. “Can you text Yeongtae the details? We can be there soon.”
You could see the small smile that crossed Seungcheol’s face even though you couldn’t see him.
“Okay, see you two soon.”
The line disconnected and you shot Yeongtae an annoyed glare.
“I really didn’t want to go to a party this week,” you mumbled. Yeongtae shot you a smile.
“Guess you should’ve put that psych degree to work earlier then.”
-
When you and Yeongtae got to the party, you did the obvious thing and immediately abandoned him at the door. You didn’t think that he was expecting you to hang out with him longer but if he was than it didn’t matter at all because you were gone so fast that he couldn’t stop you even if he wanted to.
After all, if you were going to be forced to a non-Alpha Mu party because you needed to talk to Jeonghan you weren’t going to put off talking to Jeonghan. The longer that you avoided talking to Jeonghan while at a party was really just… The longer you had to be at a party.
Besides, you missed Jeonghan.
Did you deserve to miss him after you had ignored him for so long? Not really. But you missed him regardless.
You didn’t spot Jeonghan, not first. But you did spot someone from Alpha Mu pretty fast.
“Hey,” you said, waving down Soonyoung. He turned to you, his lips turning up into a huge smile.
“Y/n!” He said excitedly. He grabbed onto the shoulders of the boy next to him. “Woo! It’s y/n!”
Wonwoo sent a tired smile your way.
“It’s good you’re here,” he said. “I thought you and Jeonghan had made up?”
“Uh,” you weren’t really sure what to say. “It’s complicated.”
It wasn’t really.
“Where’s Jeonghan?” You asked, ignoring the slightly dazed expression that was now on Soonyoung’s face. He turned his attention and jumped excitedly, grabbing someone else beside him.
“Y/n’s here!” He exclaimed again, laughing loudly. You couldn’t help the chuckle that ran through you, and the tired smile on Wonwoo’s face deepened.
“Jeonghan is… Unfortunately, fighting for his life against Chaedom,” Wonwoo said. You felt a pang run through your body at her name, and you tried and failed to keep your reaction hidden from Wonwoo.
He rolled his eyes.
“You two are ridiculous,” he mumbled, and you really almost didn’t hear it over the roar of the party. Wonwoo pointed through the crowd, towards the stairs. You tried to ignore the heaviness in your chest and instead focused on worming through the crowd. Part of you had wished that Wonwoo had taken you to Jeonghan himself, but those thoughts dissipated when you spotted Jeonghan and Chaedom.
Jeonghan had a red solo cup in hand, uncharacteristic, and Chaedom draped over his side. To his credit, he didn’t look like he particularly wanted her there.
You made your way over to them, clearing your throat when you were close enough that you thought they could hear. Both of them looked up at the sound, whatever secret conversation they were having seeming to die.
Jeonghan’s lips quirked up in a tired smile, while Chaedom just rolled her eyes, and rolled herself onto Jeonghan’s body.
“Hannie,” she purred. “Why are we still down here? Let’s go to a room, huh?”
You fought the urge to tear her off of Jeonghan yourself and it was genuinely taking all of your willpower to not do so.
“Y/n.” As Jeonghan spoke he pushed at Chaedom’s face, his cup falling to the ground and splashing alcohol all over their feet. Chaedom squealed pulling away from him, which was something that he took in stride.
He stumbled over to you, dropping his entire body weight onto you. You grunted as you tried to catch him, stumbling as well. Luckily, you were able to steady the two of you. Jeonghan swung his face to meet yours, a smile crossing his lips.
“Why are you here?” He asked you. You could smell the alcohol on his lips, and you frowned. You pulled away from him, your thumb going to his bottom lip. You pulled his lip down your eyebrows furrowing as the alcohol scent grew stronger.
“Were you drinking?” You asked. He whined, quiet loudly honestly, and his head fell into the crook of your neck.
“No.”
“You’re lying,” you bit back. You pushed Jeonghan’s head back, giving him an annoyed look. “I thought you were done lying to me.”
“I couldn’t help it,” Jeonghan admitted. “I can tell you’re mad at me. I hate it when you’re mad at me.”
“I get mad when you lie to me,” you replied, pointedly.
“You can’t get mad at him for drinking.”
You sent a glare towards the offending girl which only resulted in Chaedom placing her hands on Jeonghan’s back. She patted Jeonghan, her fingers curling in the fabric of Jeonghan’s shirt. She tugged on him.
“I wouldn’t be mad at you for drinking, Jeonghan.”
You rolled your eyes, tugging him away from her.
“Chaedom, you’re about to make me mad,” you snapped. “I think that if Jeonghan wanted to spend time with you he would have done so already.”
Jeonghan didn’t seem to care about the conversation that you two were having. Instead, he tightened his grip around you.
“Y/n,” he mumbled into your skin. You felt a shiver run through your body as the words vibrated over you. You pushed Jeonghan back again by his forehead.
“Jeonghan,” you replied, an eyebrow raising in his direction. “It isn’t like you to get drunk.”
His lips were stretched down into a frown, and it was in this light that you could see how red his cheeks were.
“It’s been a week, y/n,” he mumbled. “I’ve been waiting for you for a week.” He thought back over what he said and sighed. “Two days since I’ve seen you… A week since I confessed… Wednesday doesn’t really count.”
Pain panged through your heart at Jeonghan’s words, and you blinked in surprise. You opened your mouth to say something to him. Apologize maybe… Something.
Instead, before you could, Jeonghan tipped his head back into the nap of your neck.
“You know, I don’t even care if you like me back,” Jeonghan mumbled. “Just need you to stop doing this to me. Stop leaving me.”
The party around you felt quiet in this moment.
“I think I should get you home,” you mumbled softly. Jeonghan protested against you.
“No, we’re at a party,” he protested. “Chan is going to be so mad if I leave. He wanted me to come here.”
“I think Chan will understand if you leave,” you said back. “I won’t take you back home, okay? I’ll bring you over to my place.”
Getting Jeonghan back to your place was a hassle, mostly in that no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t shake Chaedom off of your tail.
“You can’t get him back alone.” She pointed out. You tried to turn the attention away from her and get one of the boys to help you but as you were trying to get their attention Chaedom was dragging Jeonghan out of the party.
You cursed and rushed out to them.
“Chaedom.”
Her smile was sickeningly sweet.
“I’m just trying to help,” she insisted. “Where are we going?”
She cooed against Jeonghan’s ear.
“Maybe he would be happier back at my place.”
You glared at her.
“My apartment is a five minutes’ walk from here.”
You ducked yourself under one of Jeonghan’s arms. You sort of wished he wasn’t drunk solely for the fact that currently he was completely useless.
You weren’t sure exactly how much he had to drink that night but honestly it seemed like the only thing he could do was walk forward at your prodding. He wasn’t in any way interested in Chaedom, but just her holding Jeonghan despite the fact that she was helping was making you angry.
“Don’t you have anything better to do?” You mumbled as the three of you got to your front door. She shook her head.
“I’m still waiting for Jeonghan to remember that I’m here,” she replied softly. She reached around, tapping Jeonghan’s cheek. “Are you sure you don’t want to come over to my place baby?”
That tightness coiled in your chest, and you slapped her hand away from his face.
“Chaedom,” you warned. “He’s not your fucking baby.”
Chaedom rolled her eyes at your words, but readjusted her grip on Jeonghan again so that she was just supporting him. Jeonghan however, seemed to think that now was the right time to pipe into the conversation.
“Shouldn’t curse,” he chided you softly. “’s bad.”
You pressed your lips together, your eyes briefly fluttering shut because what the fuck. After a second however your attention was back on your front door. You pushed the door open, wide enough for Jeonghan (and subsequently Chaedom) to come inside.
Once inside, Jeonghan was able to unwrap himself from Chaedom’s grasp. He stumbled into your living room, and then glanced over at you from his shoulder.
“Remember the last time we were here?” He asked, his voice high and teasing.
“Jeonghan-”
“You literally crawled.” He shook his head in disbelief and looked over at Chaedom. “She’s literally so good for me. Does whatever I want her to.”
His words were a bit slurred, but unfortunately Chaedom could hear him just fine. Her lips pressed into a firm line.
“I could be good for you,” she protested. Jeonghan hummed, and suddenly dropped to the ground. Both you and Chaedom darted forward but before either of you could reach him, he was steadying himself so that he was sitting on the floor.
“You’re not good for me,” he denied, peering at Chaedom. “You don’t listen very well.”
“Jeonghan, get off the floor,” you chided with a sigh. You closed the distance between you two and pulled at his forearm. He refused to budge.
“I don’t want to,” he insisted.
“You sound like a baby,” you said bluntly. He pulled his arm out of your grasp and wrapped his arms over his chest.
“You should do something with me,” he insisted. “We could watch a movie, and I could fuck you during the climax.”
You shot Jeonghan a glare.
“Would you fuck me if I was drunk?” You asked him. He pressed his lips together in annoyance, but that was answer enough. “Then I’m not fucking you while you’re drunk.”
“I would let you fuck me while you were drunk,” Chaedom piped up unhelpfully.
“Chaedom-”
Before you could finish telling her off, Jeonghan’s fingers wrapped around your hand and he suddenly tugged you down. You let him bend your body forward, surprised by the sudden contact. Once he had you so that your face was near his he placed both of his hands on your cheeks, squeezing your face in his hands.
“Y/n, I just missed you,” he said, and there was a pathetic pout spread over his lips. Part of you wanted to blame the alcohol entirely on the behavior, but deep down you knew you couldn’t really. Jeonghan would probably talk to you like this either way. “I just really fucking missed you.”
It was probably just because Chaedom was here- No it was definitely because Chaedom was here, but you felt irritation shoot through you at his words.
“You shouldn’t curse,” you replied, sending his own words back at him. “It’s bad.”
That pout deepened on his lips for a moment and you felt bad for about two seconds.
“I don’t know why she is treating you like a baby,” Chaedom said. She walked up to the two of you and crouched down in front of Jeonghan. Jeonghan glanced at her. Briefly. But it bothered you. You pulled out of Jeonghan’s hands.
You willed yourself to not be so jealous of their interactions. It was really stupid to be upset when Jeonghan was practically giving Chaedom no attention at all.
“You need water,” you murmured. You walked into your kitchen, screaming in your head. “Chaedom would you like some too?”
“That would be nice yeah.”
You fought yourself from mocking her. You started to grab water from your fridge for the two and as you did you could hear Jeonghan and Chaedom talking and shuffling around. You forced yourself to focus on your fridge. Begging yourself not to turn around because it would just make you upset.
“Han-”
Something collided into your back jostling your body forward a little. You caught yourself on the door of the fridge, turning over your shoulder when you realized it was just Jeonghan. He wrapped his arms around your body and groaned into your back.
“Y/n, I don’t want water.”
You shimmied around in Jeognhan’s arms so that you were facing him. You buried your fingers into his hair and pulled his head up. He still had a dumb pout on his face, and it just made your heart skip a beat in your chest.
God, he was so cute.
“I didn’t ask if you wanted water,” you replied pointedly. You blindly reached into your fridge and luckily, grabbed a water bottle. You pulled it out of the fridge and took the lid off the bottle. You pressed it to his lips. “Drink.”
Jeonghan turned away from the bottle.
“No,” he argued back. “Kiss me.”
“You taste like alcohol,” you replied. “Drink the water, and maybe I’ll kiss you.”
Jeonghan’s eyebrows furrowed at you in frustration.
“But-”
You pushed the bottle back in front of his lips.
“Maybe,” you reasserted.
Jeonghan sighed and took the bottle out of your hands. When he lowered the bottle back down, half of the water was gone. A smile crossed his lips.
“A kiss?”
“I thought you said you didn’t care if I liked you,” you said softly. Jeonghan pulled himself closer to you, his face coming within inches of yours.
“I lied,” Jeonghan reasserted. He pressed closer to you, so that your lips brushed his. A smile crossed his lips and his eyes darted down. How could you say no to that?
You pressed your lips to his, something that Jeonghan immediately took control of. His hands raised to your face just so that he could deepen the kiss, but you didn’t let that last for too long. You pulled away from him, ignoring the way he chased you and whined.
“Y/n,” he insisted. You pulled yourself all the way out of his arms, and turned back to the fridge, grabbing a second water bottle.
“Finish your water and we’ll talk,” you replied. Jeonghan grumbled but raised his bottle back to his lips. You turned your attention back to Chaedom who was just sitting on your floor watching the two of you with an annoyed expression on her face.
You handed her the water bottle, trying not to throw it in her face.
“Did you drink a lot too?” You asked her. Or did you just get Jeonghan to drink a lot?
“Do you really care?” She bit back.
Touché.
You got to stand there for a good two seconds before Jeonghan was falling into you again.
“I drank a lot,” Jeonghan insisted. You raised an eyebrow towards him. “I meant water. I drank a lot of water.”
You rolled your eyes.
“You need to go to sleep,” you told him. Jeonghan groaned and tilted his face into your chest again.
“I get to see you for two seconds and then you make me go to sleep?” He complained. His fingers dug into your shirt. “I don’t want to sleep.”
“I very clearly didn’t ask,” you replied.
“You’re being mean to me,” Jeonghan complained. You were just barely aware that that was true.
“I wouldn’t be mean to you,” Chaedom asserted, unhelpfully, of course.
“You’re why she’s being mean to me,” Jeonghan bit out towards her. He looked up at you. “You’re jealous.”
You rolled your eyes.
“I’m not-”
Jeonghan’s fingers tightened in your hair and he straightened up holding your head tight so that you were forced to face him.
“Don’t lie to me, y/n,” he said, his voice low. “I may be drunk but I’m not stupid. You know Chaedom doesn’t mean anything to me.”
You pressed your lips into a thin line, refusing to say anything. Really just embarrassed because your jealousy was being outed in front of the person who you were jealous of. You did know that Chaedom didn’t mean anything to Jeonghan. You still didn’t like it when she touched him.
“Y/n, say it.”
You scoffed, letting the silence fill between the two of you.
“I’ll-”
Before Chaedom could piss you off more you murmured: “I know Chaedom doesn’t mean anything to you.”
Jeonghan nodded with a hum.
“Good.”
You let your attention turn back to him.
“I’m not just being jealous when I say that you need to sleep,” you insisted. You wrinkled your nose. “I can smell the alcohol from here.”
Jeonghan’s lips quirked down.
“But-”
“Seriously,” you insisted. “You left some clothes over last time and you can sleep in them. Just go to bed and I’ll see you in the morning.”
Jeonghan’s eyebrows rose suddenly, and his fingers loosened in your hair.
“You…” He trailed off and shook his head. “You’ve got to stop keeping men’s clothes after you’re done sleeping with them.”
“I-” You exhaled your frustration. “I wasn’t…” You glanced over at Chaedom. “This isn’t a conversation I want to have in front of Chaedom and this isn’t a conversation I want to have with you when you’re drunk.”
Jeonghan’s eyes briefly followed yours and he looked at Chaedom. A genuinely pained look crossed his face.
“Can’t you just leave?”
A pout crossed her lips.
“But I’m so drunk.”
Jeonghan’s eyes turned back to you and he sent you a pitiful expression.
“I want to talk now,” he insisted. “You always put off talking.”
To be honest, you did always put off talking with him. You should have come to him way earlier. It was like they always said… If they wanted to they would. You could have made time for him if you had really tried but… You were nervous.
There was no fear of rejection and yet, an unpleasant feeling was building in your throat.
“Tomorrow,” you said softly. “When you are sober.” His expression didn’t change. “I promise.” Still the same. “Really.”
Finally, Jeonghan relented. He let his hands fall to the side.
“Fine,” he grumbled. “But you’re going to sleep with me… Right?”
You gave Jeonghan a stiff nod. He nodded back to you and turned, swaying a little as if his drunkness had finally come back to him. He looked back over his shoulder and pointed to Chaedom.
“If you ever talk to me again.” He didn’t finish but his tone and expression were serious. Then another pained expression crossed his face. “I’m going to go throw up.”
You and Chaedom watched him stumble to the bathroom. Normally, you thought you would follow him. Hold his hair back, but Chaedom was still here.
You glanced over at her.
“Can you leave now?” You asked. She rolled her eyes and walked over to your couch. She plopped down on it defiantly.
You sighed, and disappeared down your hallway, reappearing with a spare blanket and a pillow. Yeah, you hated her, but to her credit her cheeks were red from the alcohol and you thought maybe the reason that she was always so… Shameless was maybe because she was always drunk when you saw her.
You threw the blanket and pillow at her face.
“There’s water in my fridge,” you mumbled. “Don’t die in my living room.”
As you wandered down the hall, you stopped by your bathroom, peaking in at Jeonghan. He was laying with his head on your toilet seat. You cracked the door open leaning on the doorframe.
“That’s disgusting.”
He held up a bottle of bathroom cleaner.
“I cleaned it,” he replied. “Made it worse. Bleach makes me want to wretch.”
He turned his head into your toilet bowl a little, his cheeks puffing out briefly. He sat there for a little bit, the strands of his hair falling pathetically into his eyes.
You closed the distance between you two, crouching in front of him. You brushed the hair out of his face, your thumb flickering over his cheekbone. He let his eyes flutter closed at the touch.
“It wasn’t worth it to drink,” he mumbled. “I’m going to be in so much pain tomorrow.”
You stared at him for so long that he opened his eyes, giving you the biggest puppy dog eyes, you had ever seen from a man in his 20s.
“You make me stupid, y/n,” he said softly.
You pressed your lips together tightly and nodded once. You didn’t respond to that because how could you? It was still a little baffling. Jeonghan, the campus play boy, made stupid by you.
Your eyes drifted away from Jeonghan briefly.
You wondered if he realized how stupid he made you. All your years as a psychology student were made null when it came to him. It was like when you were with him you forgot how to have healthy communication. You really had to work on that.
“You think you can make it to the bedroom?” You asked him softly. His eyes closed again, an annoyed groan vibrating through his body. “Well, I’m not going to stay with you in the bathroom. I’m tired.”
You pulled your hand away from Jeonghan, which just made him whine in protest.
“It’s like babysitting,” you protested even though honestly you would stay up with a drunk Jeonghan for as long as he wanted you to. You were just frustrated. Chaedom was still in your living room and for some reason even though Jeonghan had literally confessed his love to you she still thought she had a chance and-
“Help me up,” Jeonghan practically pleaded. You rolled your eyes, and grabbed Jeonghan by his wrist, tugging him up.
“Yeah, yeah.”
-
When you woke up, you were partially afraid to move. Jeonghan had an armed draped over your chest, and his head rested on your stomach.
After an hour you realized that you needed to get up no matter if Jeonghan was up or not. It was better to wake him up with food, probably.
You somehow managed to untangle yourself from his body without waking him, and you ended up leaving him splayed over your sheets, eyebrows furrowed. You wondered what he was dreaming about.
You walked down your hallway,
“What are you making?”
You barely muffled a scream by slapping your hand over your lips. You exhaled sharply, your eyes closing and nose furrowing slightly when you realized that it was just Chaedom standing at the edge of your kitchen.
“Why the…” You buried your face in your hand. “Chaedom why are you still here?”
She didn’t speak so you let your hand drop to your sides. She was staring at you, one of her cheeks red from having slept on it, her tight dress bunched up just a little higher than it should have been and her hair a tangled mess.
You felt kind of bad for her.
A little.
“He doesn’t love you,” you said. You shifted your attention. “He doesn’t even like you. Why are you doing this?”
She just stood there, staring at you.
“Look, you’re pretty, you’re better than this,” you said. “What is the point of going after some frat guy who is notorious for fucking around? So, what if Yoon Jeonghan doesn’t want to fuck you. I’m sure plenty of guys want to. Why are wasting your time on the one who doesn’t like you?”
Chaedom’s gaze dropped away from you, her bottom lip quivering slightly. You sucked in a small breath, about to continue berating her when a soft sob wrecked through her body.
“My boyfriend cheated on me,” she blurted. Your eyebrows rose in surprise at the confession, but before you could say anything in response she was colliding into your chest, her arms wrapping tightly around her body.
“Oh-”
“I thought that he loved me,” she cried into your chest, her tears literally already soaking through your pajama shirt. “I thought he loved me but then he fucking cheated on me and I thought men fucking suck, I’m just going to sleep with whoever makes me feel good about myself.”
Her fingers balled into your shirt and she pulled her face from out of your chest to look up at you from behind her red eyes.
“And then the first guy that I go to sleep with. The one who is the ultimate fuck boy, who is all no commitments and fuck whoever walks doesn’t want to sleep with me because suddenly he isn’t a trash human being.”
She let out another loud cry and then her forehead tipped back into your chest. She briefly knocked the breath out of you, and you stumbled a little to accommodate her weight.
“And I can’t even blame him,” she wailed into your stomach. “You’re fucking beautiful and kind and perfect.”
Your mouth dropped a little bit.
“Men really do change for the right people and Shindong just wouldn’t change for me.”
You couldn’t help the confused expression that spread over your face. You stood there motionless for a little bit, waiting for her crying to calm down. After a few minutes it didn’t. You pressed your eyes shut tightly when you realized that you were going to have to actually to confront the conversation.
You awkwardly patted Chaedom’s back.
“Hey,” you said uncertainly. She just kept sobbing into your chest. “Hey, Chaedom you-” You sighed, and pressed your hand to her forehead, pushing her back. “Go… Go sit down on at the island, okay?”
The tears continued to run down her cheeks, and she took two large breaths.
“I don’t want to impede,” she managed to get out. You were so strong and such a good person for being able to hold yourself back because wasn’t everything she had done since you met her impeding?
“It’s fine,” you insisted. “Just… Sit okay?”
Chaedom sniffled but nodded, finally peeling off of you. She walked over to one of the stools and fitted herself on it.
“Look, you’re wrong, okay?” You said softly. You grabbed one of your skillets and cracked an egg into it, turning up the heat on the stove. “Men don’t change for people. People don’t even change for people. They just don’t.”
You turned over your shoulder to look at her.
“The psychology behind cheating is complicated because sometimes it makes sense and it’s easy to pin down. People cheat because they are angry or have low commitment or esteem issues. Some people are just fucking narcissists and they get bored so they just do something to see how the other person will react. I don’t know why Shindong cheated on you. Even Shindong might not know why he cheated on you.”
Chaedom’s bottom lip quivered.
“So… I should… I should take him back?”
“No,” you blurted back, shaking your head. “I’m saying that you are going to spend hours and days and weeks, maybe even months trying to figure out why he did what he did. But you won’t. You will never know why, and even if he tells you, you can never trust him.”
You shrugged and turned your attention back to the eggs.
“Because he lied to you once, and if he gets away with it once he will try to get away with it again,” you continued. “I mean the way that men and women cheat is different. There are a lot of studies done about how it seems that men generally cheat for the sexual thrill while women tend to cheat due to feelings of love or intimacy-”
Your eyes narrowed a little as you realized you were wildly getting off-track. Your summer psychology project was finally coming in use and you were a little too excited over that.
“Not the point.” You focused back in on the eggs. “Shindong cheated on you, and he probably would have cheated on someone else too. In my experience, no matter who it was Shindong would have cheated. You couldn’t have changed him. That’s just who he is down to his core.”
You scooped some of the eggs onto a plate, and walked over to Chaedom, pushing the plate of eggs towards her. You gave her a pressed smile and grabbed a glass of juice for her. You quirked your eyebrows up slightly silently telling her to eat.
She complied, but as soon as she had a mouthful of eggs in her mouth she was talking again.
“Bafeawut faow shoes chat mesplain wan.”
Your eyebrows furrowed.
“What?”
She swallowed.
“But how does that explain Jeonghan?” She repeated. “He was a fuck boy, and he changed for you.”
“He didn’t change for me,” you denied. You cracked a few more eggs into the skillet. “The Jeonghan who stopped sleeping with other people and became desperate for my attention and turned down everyone for me wasn’t a change in personality.”
As you spoke you heard a creak from down the hall. Both you and Chaedom glanced into the hall and you saw that Jeonghan was standing there. He looked exhausted, his whole body weight leaned onto the wall. You pressed your lips into a thin smile.
“That’s just who he’s been all along.”
“That’s a nice sentiment,” Jeonghan drawled softly. “But not completely true. Maybe I didn’t change but there is no one in this world like you.”
You rolled your eyes, glancing away from him and back to Chaedom.
“You’re not meant to be with Shindong, and you’re not meant to be with Jeonghan but that doesn’t mean that you’re unlovable,” you pressed. “You’ll find someone, you just have to give it time is all.”
Chaedom let out an annoyed sound and let her face fall to the counter. Your mouth dropped open at the sudden action and to be completely honest, you were a bit worried that she had hurt herself. But then she turned her head to the side and blurted out: “Everything hurts.”
You realized that physically she was fine.
Jeonghan wandered over to the counter and sat down two stools away from Chaedom. He gave her an uncomfortable look and then his eyes flitted back to yours. He pressed his lips into a small pout.
“You made her eggs before me?”
You rolled your eyes and gestured to the eggs in the skillet.
“You were asleep. Just wait a second.”
Chaedom peeled her face up and looked at Jeonghan with a still pathetic expression on her face. Jeonghan’s nose wrinkled a little.
“Chaedom,” he mumbled.
“Jeonghan,” she replied.
You couldn’t believe that this was your life. Free therapy for a girl you hated, and babysitting for a guy who was in love with you.
You dumped Jeonghan’s eggs onto a plate and then placed them in front of him. He grabbed you by the wrist when you were close to him and pulled you in a little more. Your breath caught and you pressed your lips together.
His eyes flickered down to said lips. He smiled.
“Y/n-”
“Not in front of Chaedom,” you insisted, pulling away from him. He pouted again, but you turned away so that you didn’t have to look at him.
Breakfast was awkward, the silence in the room deafening but you were avoiding Jeonghan’s eye contact like it was the plague and Chaedom was still crying to the point were you were seriously considering saying more.
Before it could get to that point however she sucked in a deep breath and nodded.
“I should get going.”
It was a relief to hear those words, and you saw Jeonghan perk up but you tried not to let your excitement show too much.
“Yeah?” You managed out. She sighed and nodded, getting to her feet and sending you a sad smile.
“I think I’ve overdone my stay a little.”
You didn’t agree but… You wanted to. Chaedom got to her fear and you followed to the door (but you could hear the padding of Jeonghan’s feet on the ground behind him so you knew he was following too).
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” You asked softly, unable to believe that the words were leaving your mouth out of a genuine place for concern. Chaedom gave you a tired smile, her eyes still dark red from all the crying she had been doing.
“I’m going to a friend’s house,” she assured. “Thanks for everything.”
Jeonghan was still hovering close to you, his hand on the small of your back. You respected that he was fighting so hard to not be too touchy but… you were glad that his hands were on you.
… And not Chaedom.
Chaedom’s eyes went to Jeonghan’s as if she could hear your thoughts.
“You know if you get tired of y/n, you can always call me.” She laughed and somehow within the laugh she started to cry again. You felt your fingers balling into tight fists. “I’m kidding. I-I’m going to go now.”
She gave you both a wave.
“I’ll see you later,” you said, giving her a pressed smile. She smiled back and then suddenly darted forward, wrapping her arms around your body tightly.
“You are so nice.”
You swallowed hard and patted her back.
“It’s… Going to be okay,” you assured. She nodded and pulled away.
“Okay, thanks.”
And then finally she was gone.
You felt your whole body deflate as soon as Jeonghan shut the door behind her, and without even thinking you tilted your head forward into his chest. You let out a loud groan. Jeonghan’s hand came to your head, and he patted you comfortingly.
“You were very strong to be so nice,” Jeonghan complimented softly. “If that were Yeongtae, I would have snapped him in half.”
You rolled your eyes and didn’t respond to him.
“Of course, you took out your rage towards her at me, which is annoying.”
“If I go to another party-” You looked up at him and sent him a glare. “And Chaedom, is wrapped around you as if she has a chance-”
Jeonghan dipped his head down, his lips pressing briefly to yours. Your eyes fluttered shut, and as naturally as you breathed, you pressed into the kiss. The hand on your back pressed you closer, and Jeonghan’s other hand raised to the back of your head.
He broke the kiss, his lips quirking upwards.
“You really have nothing to be jealous over,” Jeonghan assured softly. “And it’s really not healthy, but I love how jealous you get… You’re so fucking cute. As if I would ever look at anyone the way I look at you.”
His lips pressed briefly to yours again. You pulled away slightly, taking a sharp breath.
“W-We,” you breathed softly. “We need to talk, don’t we?”
Another small exhale and Jeonghan was creating more space between the two of you. His eyes narrowed a little, his nose scrunching very slightly. He gave you a very focused expression.
“Is it going to go well?” He asked you. “Because if the answer is that you are rejecting me, but you’ll kiss me before the conversation then we can push it back a little bit.”
A small laugh vibrated through your body.
“That’s not very healthy,” you reminded him softly, as if you had been the prime example of healthy communication and relationship managing this week. He rolled his eyes.
“Okay, let’s talk,” he agreed. He peeled away from you, patting you on the shoulders. He seemed hesitant to pull away from you completely, but after a few moments he finally did. He took in a sharp breath and nodded.
“Do we need a recap?”
Your eyebrows furrowed.
“A recap?” You mumbled. He nodded.
“I… Really want a relationship with you,” he said softly. “I don’t want to lose you to someone you think will treat you better. No one will treat you better than me.”
“You didn’t…” You glanced away from him. “Didn’t quite say that before.”
“No?” Jeonghan’s voice was so quiet.
It wasn’t like he hadn’t said that, exactly. You just hadn’t really expected to hear it so… Directly.
“So… You like me, and you want to date me,” you replied softly. Trying to just nod slowly. Jeonghan’s eyes on you were making it really hard to focus. “And… I like you… For sure. So, the logical next step is to… Date you.”
Jeonghan didn’t say anything, for so long that you couldn’t help but look over at him. He was watching you with a different expression than you thought that he would have on his face. It wasn’t relief or excitement. His eyebrows were furrowed, lips turned down. He seemed concerned.
“Do you want to date me?” He asked you. Your lips pressed together, and you nodded, but there was a knot in your throat. Jeonghan’s eyebrows furrowed further. “You know you don’t have to do everything that I want you to. If you just want to sleep together still, I can do that.”
That wasn’t what you wanted. But somehow voicing that seemed terrifying. Jeonghan let you try to formulate words for a while, before finally speaking again.
“Y/n, can I hear about your relationship with Yunjun?”
A topic change was exactly what you had wanted, but a topic change to this was not what you had wanted. It was worse, possibly.
“No,” you mumbled softly. Jeonghan nodded.
“Okay,” he said.
You two were completely quiet before you shook your head, scrunching your nose.
“No, I mean. Yeah, uh, it wasn’t really a relationship,” you replied. “It was sort of like us? I mean, we weren’t actually strangers. He knew someone I knew, and we ended up sleeping together and he was rough and I liked that so…” You felt like you were going into too much detail. “We saw each other for a few months? I think, and then I broke it off.”
“Why?” He prodded.
“He was mean,” you said with a shrug. “Most of my past flings with people were like that. But I mean, that’s the hazard when I like what I do right?”
You tried to laugh it off to lighten the mood, but Jeonghan didn’t crack a smile. In fact, the expression on his face was terrifying. He wasn’t mad, he wasn’t happy. He was listening and you couldn’t figure out exactly what he was feeling.
“Have you dated many people?” Jeonghan asked. You shook your head.
“Only a few,” you replied. You were quiet for a little while, but Jeonghan didn’t rush you. “Honestly mostly just fucked people casually. No dates. Always people I knew but wasn’t close to. Always happened more than once.” Again, too much detail. Jeonghan didn’t comment on that.
“Did you break up with them?”
“That’s a weird question,” you mumbled and again you were quiet. Why was talking to Jeonghan about this so hard? You could tell Jeongyeon about these things in your sleep, but with Jeonghan you honestly felt like you were suffocating.
Maybe it was just because you knew Jeongyeon so well. You could probably fuck five guys at the same time in front of her and she wouldn’t shame you for it. If you really wanted to, you could tell her every gruesome detail of your relationship with Jeonghan and she would listen intently and try to see it your way.
It was Jeongyeon and this was Jeonghan and they were different.
Would Jeonghan judge you for your dating history? Would he think you were actually a slut if he heard about the way that you let other men treat you? Why did you even care? You never cared what others thought of you.
“Yeah. I’ve always been the one to end things.”
Jeonghan was quiet and you had to look at him again. He was so good at getting your attention. Jeonghan held a hand out to you, and without thinking too much you took it. He pulled you closer to him.
“Am I too mean to you?” He asked softly. You shook your head, looking up at him nervously. “I don’t ever want to hurt you y/n. I lied to you and that is the last stupid thing that I will ever do.”
Jeonghan took your other hand in his and his thumbs circled over your knuckles.
“But if this is too much for you-”
“It’s not,” you pressed. “I just…” You pressed your lips together shyly, stubbornly keeping your eyes on the floor. “Say it again…”
“Again?” He asked softly. He seemed a little confused. “Say what again?”
You didn’t want to say it but he kept letting the stupid silence fill the room. Your voice was as quiet as you could make it.
“Say that you want to date me again.”
You didn’t have to be looking at Jeonghan to know he was smiling at you.
“I want to date you,” he said, and you could hear his amusement in the heightenedness of his voice.
You kept your eyes on the ground.
“Again.”
“I want to date you.”
“… Again.”
Jeonghan pulled you a bit by your hands and ducked his head so that he was able to look at you.
“Y/n, I want to date you.”
Your face was suddenly hot. You turned your head away from him but then Jeonghan’s fingers were on your chin. He turned you to face him.
“I want to date you. I want-”
You laughed, unable to help the smile that was crossing your lips.
“Really Jeonghan,” you said, honestly trying to change the topic even though you knew there was no world in which Jeonghan let that happen. “All of this time you were sleeping with all these different people. Why do you suddenly want to date someone? Are you really ready to just… Settle for one person?”
“I settled for you the moment that I realized you would sleep with me twice,” Jeonghan replied softly. “But… I think that you know that. Don’t you?”
You let your eyes flit away from him.
“Not initially,” you denied. Jeonghan huffed out a small laugh.
“What was it you said to me… That it would be stupid to ask me to settle…?” His tone was airy, so unserious. “That even if I hadn’t asked you not to sleep with other people you wouldn’t because sex with me is just so good.”
“That is not what I said,” you protested. Jeonghan laughed.
“That’s basically what you said,” Jeonghan replied. “Look at it this way, you’re y/n.” Your words sent right back at you. You gave him a look that was honestly mostly embarrassment. “That was the day that I realized just how desperate I really was just for your attention.”
“You’re ridiculous Jeonghan,” you chided softly. “You just… The me that you think you’re in love with-”
“I haven’t said that I love you yet,” Jeonghan interrupted. Your eyes widened at his words.
“Wha-”
“I haven’t said it yet,” he repeated with a shrug. “You think I’m in love with you, hm? Do you think… Maybe you’re projecting a little? You love me and you want me to love you back?”
Your mouth gaped open but before you could think about it too much, Jeonghan was laughing.
“I’m joking,” he breathed. “I love you, y/n. I don’t think that I’m in love with you. I know I love you. The you that I think I’m in love with? It’s just you.”
“Jeonghan we hardly know each other.”
Hurt flashed in Jeonghan’s eyes and you immediately regretted your words. He didn’t let you feel bad about it for long though.
“Again, if this is too much for you…” Your eyes were screaming at him. Not too much. He sighed. “The point of dating is to get to know each other.”
“I know what the point of dating is,” you mumbled.
“Do you?” Jeonghan asked. There was a challenge in his voice. “Y/n, ever since we met we’ve been getting to know one another.”
“Are you sure that you aren’t… In love with some version of me that isn’t… Me.”
Jeonghan went silent again, and to be completely honest you didn’t think that you had ever really seen him frustrated at you. Not, outside of sex at least. But right now? He looked to be at his wits end. But… Not angry. Frustrated. Never angry.
Not at you at least.
“What do you see me as?” Jeonghan asked. Confusion flickered across your face.
“You’re Jeonghan,” you replied pointedly. It wasn’t enough for him; he arched an eyebrow your way. You sighed. “You are Jeonghan. Yoon Jeonghan. You love legos and you’re probably the most delicate frat boy in existence. You’re kind and deceivingly sensitive. You’re always gentle… And caring. You make me feel so… Loved.”
“See,” Jeonghan pressed. “We know each other. When you walked into my bedroom for the first time, then we hardly knew each other. But before you just knew me as Yoon Jeonghan the playboy. Now you know me as Yoon Jeonghan the angel of Alpha Mu.”
“I don’t even know your major,” you said bluntly, completely ignoring the angel comment.
“Don’t you want to find out?”
You two stared at each other. Silent.
“Do you still need time to think?” Jeonghan asked you. “I can give you more space. I’m sorry for drinking so much. I’m sorry if I burdened you-”
“Jeonghan,” you blurted but he ignored you. He started to pull away from you, but you grabbed more tightly onto his wrist. You tugged at him so that he was forced to stay close to you. “I want to date you.”
Jeonghan’s mouth closed.
“You’re right,” you admitted, but your voice was quiet.
“About what?”
Your fingers squeezed at his wrist.
“I was being mean to you because of Chaedom,” you mumbled. “You love me. Whatever. It’s still annoying that stupid Chaedom is all over you. And I want to date you. I do. I missed you this last week. I miss you every time I don’t come see you outside of parties. But no matter what you say or how close we get you are always going to be Yoon Jeonghan, one of the most eligible bachelors on campus.”
“And you will always be y/n,” Jeonghan insisted. “I think you’re more desired by the campus than you think.” He hummed. “But most importantly… You’re mine… Yeah?”
You swallowed hard; your eyes frustratingly focused on Jeonghan whose eyes were frustratingly focused right back on you. You nodded.
“Yeah.”
Finally, finally Jeonghan let you close the distance between you two. His hands found their way to your hips and he pulled you close to him.
“You gonna say it for me?” He asked you softly. “Need a little bit more than just a yeah.”
Heat was pooling your cheeks. Suddenly you were more embarrassed than you had ever been with him.
“I’m yours,” you whispered softly. “As long as-”
“I’m yours too,” Jeonghan promised, before you could even finish asking him. He dipped his head towards you and teasingly brushed his lips against yours. You tried to press your lips more firmly together, but he pulled away just enough to leave you unsatisfied. “I’m greedy y/n.”
You tried to focus back in on Jeonghan who was smiling at you in a very distracting manner.
“Greedy?”
“Mhm,” he hummed. “I knew that you were mine. Even though you hadn’t said it. Even though you were gone for a week. You know how?”
You shook your head.
“Because you still have those silly little hickeys,” he whispered back. You raised your hands to the back of his neck letting a frustrated expression cross your face.
“All you do is tease me,” you mumbled. “Why do you have to make me say things you already know?”
“Because I’m greedy,” Jeonghan repeated. “And I like to hear it. Your mine.”
You took that as your chance. You dragged Jeonghan’s head down by applying pressure on the back of his neck, finally firmly pressing your lips together. Jeonghan let a small laugh leave his lips but didn’t try to pull away from you.
You never got to be in control of the kisses, and so you were relishing being able to be in control of this one. Your fingers buried into Jeonghan’s hair, and you pressed him closer and closer to you. So grateful to finally be alone. So grateful to be kissing him again. So grateful to finally be done talking.
Jeonghan pulled away from you and you shamelessly let a whine leave your lips as you chased him. He laughed.
“I can’t believe that you’re the one always running from me,” Jeonghan breathed. His hands dipped under your shirt, his cool fingers pressing against your warm skin. “Because you are kissing me right now like you need me to breath.”
You blamed frustration completely and entirely and nothing else could possibly be behind what you said next.
“I fucking feel like I need you to breath.” Ew, ew, ew. “Jeonghan, it’s been a week.”
Jeonghan hummed, ignoring your obvious pleas. Ignoring the fact that your words had made you want to die a little on the inside. Jeonghan didn’t care. You didn’t understand how he always had such immense patience when it came to literally everything. His hands were roaming over your skin so lightly. His touch like a feather. He was so confident that you were just going to stand there and take it. Like he owned you.
“I do own you,” Jeonghan mumbled as if he could hear your thoughts. His head dipped into your neck, his lips ghosting across your skin. “Isn’t that what you said? Your mine?”
“I didn’t say you owned me,” you mumbled. A lie, and you both knew it was. Jeonghan hummed.
“Someone forgot about how you begged me to own you the last time I had my hands on you,” Jeonghan mumbled. “And you certainly are acting with a lot more humility than you usually do.”
His eyes drifted up to yours as his lips brushed your neck.
“Does being vulnerable really humiliate you more than degradation?”
Your face was burning and it was all the answer that Jeonghan needed. He ducked his head back into your neck, his fingers trailing up your back to toy at the latch of your bra. You knew that Jeonghan knew had to unlatch your bra. You knew he could do it with one hand much less two.
He was teasing you. He was still teasing you.
You experimentally let your hands drift down Jeonghan’s body, pressing firmly on his shirt at the bottom and pushing up. Jeonghan just hummed against you, teeth agonizingly dragging over the nape of your neck.
“Someone’s getting impatient.”
“You’re too patient,” you argued back. “You can’t touch me like this and then act surprised when I want you to take your shirt off.”
As you spoke you lost your confidence because Jeonghan’s mouth trailed down your neck, to your clavicle and then he was pushing your shirt off and you couldn’t help but get excited. You grabbed the hem of your shirt and backed away from Jeonghan, pulling the shirt over your head and tossing it to the floor.
A small laugh left his mouth and he nodded slowly.
“Well, you might as well take the rest of your clothes off,” he said, his voice low and teasing. A small frown crossed your lips. Well, a pout really.
“You’re not taking your clothes off,” you mumbled. Jeonghan crossed his arms over his chest, an eyebrow raising, and his face growing serious.
“Maybe I should reword,” Jeonghan mumbled. “If you’re going to act like a whore needing to take my shirt off when I’m trying to just enjoy time with my pretty toy than you are going to do as I ask. Take your clothes off now.”
You didn’t have to be told twice. You began to as quickly as possible undress, the cold air of the kitchen, ripping a shiver from you as you kicked your pants off. Once you were completely naked, you threw your hands behind your back, trying to hide an excited look as Jeonghan stared at you.
His expression remained serious and he remained quiet. Still not moving to undress. Still not touching you.
“Jeonghan-”
“Did I say you could talk?” Jeonghan asked. You pressed your lips together tightly, shaking your head once as your body heated up like it was on fire. Jeonghan tutted softly, raising a hand to head so that he could brush some of the strands out of his face. “On your knees y/n.”
You dropped down instantly, your body buzzing with excitement as Jeonghan started to walk towards you. Your eyes stayed on him, suddenly not feeling nervous about holding I contact with him. Once Jeonghan was within arms reach of you he stopped, unzipping his pants and working out his dick without taking them off at all.
“What’s your safe word baby?”
You were quick to answer, barely even the first syllable out before you were telling it to him. He cracked a smile.
He stepped a little closer to you, tapping the tip of his already hard cock against your bottom lip. Before you opened your mouth for him he was pushing the head of his cock into your mouth. You fell forward a little bit, your hands grabbing onto Jeonghan’s jean clad thighs for better stability.
He didn’t completely like that. One of his hands buried into your hair, tugging at you sharply.
“Did I say that you could touch me?” He asked you. You tried to shake your head, but his grip was too tight. Before you could try to even answer in a different way, he was pushing his cock even further into your mouth. “I asked you a question.”
Your eyes widened as you looked at Jeonghan, trying to shake your head again but it was useless. Jeonghan didn’t care about your efforts. Instead he focused on pushing his cock deep into your throat, not stopping until the only thing you could comfortingly look at was his pelvis.
“So bad,” Jeonghan chided lightly, his fingers loosened in your hair, but another hand found its way to your head. “Can’t even answer a single question.”
His fingers held your head in place and he slowly pulled his cock out of your mouth again. Once his tip was on your tongue he was pushing back inside of you, setting a slow pace of fucking your mouth. There should be nothing hot about a man who was just using your mouth to get off, but the little groans and moans that were tumbling from Jeonghan’s mouth were going straight to your core.
Your fingers tightened their grip on Jeonghan despite having been told off for having your hands there. You didn’t even care, and Jeonghan didn’t deem it important enough to mention right away. His pace slowly began to quicken, his hips snapping as if he was fucking your pussy. You couldn’t help the little whimpers that were leaving your cock-stuffed mouth as he began to fuck your face harder, and you knew that was just spurring him on even further.
“You look so pretty when your mouth is being fucked,” Jeonghan mumbled, his voice low and muddled with pleasure. “So nice when your mouth is so full of cock you can’t talk to me. All you can do is take my cock.”
You moaned at his words and he had to readjust his hands, giving you a couple of seconds to recatch your breath before going right back into it. His thrusts hard and fast.
“Hate it when you leave for a week,” he mumbled. “You come around telling me how much you love my dick as if you didn’t ignore me all week.”
He was going faster, and you could feel his cock twitch in your mouth and his fingers tightening their grip on your head. His voice was becoming a breathier, all evidence that he was getting closer and closer to coming down your throat.
“I would have fucked you every day this week if I could have,” Jeonghan mumbled. “And I will fuck you everyday now that your mine. There’s no excuse anymore for you to be embarrassed by how much you like me.”
Your face blazed but before he could say more Jeonghan was moaning loudly, shoving your face into his abdomen firmly as he shot hot come down your throat. Your eyes were beginning to water, small tears running down your cheeks, but you did your best take it well.
Still when he let your face go you coughed a bit of his come dribbling out of your mouth onto your chin. Jeonghan knelt in front of you, grasping your chin tightly between his fingers. His swiped his thumb across the cum and then pushed his thumb into your mouth.
“Cause that’s why you don’t come around all the time isn’t it y/n? You like me so much that you’re embarrassed about it.”
Your sucked on Jeonghan’s thumb but your eyes flitted away from him. Jeonghan pulled his thumb from your mouth and hit your cheek. You hissed in surprise (not so much pain) but Jeonghan was smiling when you looked back at him.
“That’s okay you don’t have to admit it,” he cooed. “But you’ll admit it to me one of these days.”
He soothed over the cheek that he had hit, a little pout spread over his lips, feigning pity for you and the fact that he had hit you.
“But right now I can’t expect you to be so honest huh?” His voice was so condescending and it was only turning you on more and the worst part was he knew that. His hand lowered to your cunt and only then did you realize how embarrassingly wet you were. His fingers pressed between your thighs and you instinctively spread your legs out a little bit for him, the dampness of your thighs meeting the cool air and sending a chill through your body. “Look at you, you’re already so horny that you can’t think about anything but my dick can you?”
He hummed and immediately pushed two fingers deep into you. You cried out, falling back on your hands, your mouth dropping open into a small pant as he began to fuck you hard on his fingers. There was a slight burn from the stretch but it felt so good, you couldn’t complain even if you wanted to.
“All I did was fuck your pretty little mouth and yet you’re dripping all over your floor like a bitch in heat.”
A whimper was practically ripped from your mouth, and you couldn’t help but shift your body so that your ass was on the floor just so that you had some stability. Jeonghan snickered as your back hit the ground. Your face burying into your hands as you tried to muffle yourself.
Jeonghan let out an annoyed huff and he sharply smacked your thigh.
“Why are you being so quiet now?” He asked you. “Acting like you don’t usually have an audience of twelve boys… No point in trying to save face when I’ve made you scream before.”
You whined into your hands, refusing to move them when all Jeonghan was doing was humiliating you today. Jeonghan didn’t like that, and he expressed that by shoving a third finger into you. Your back arched in pleasure and you threw your hands to the floor.
“I’m sorry,” you blurted. “It’s just- Fuck, it’s just embarrassing.”
“I’ve done worse to you,” Jeonghan commented, and he was right but that didn’t make it less embarrassing. It wasn’t even that he was fucking you really. Or… About you. Or teasing you, or that he’d fucked your face.
You still had that same residual embarrassment from the fact that you two were… Dating now…? That it was just making your heart pound that much harder.
“I wonder what I should do with you today,” Jeonghan pondered. “How many times should I make my pretty little toy come?” His thumb smashed down on your clit and it made you cry out again.
“You’re being so rough,” you whined, your fingers balling against the floor.
“Do you not like it?” He didn’t halt his pace, instead you suspected he was being even faster the sound of his fingers fucking you echoing in your apartment. You didn’t want to answer him. He knew you liked it but then his fingers smacked on your clit, hard.
“I do,” you blurted. “I fucking like it, like it so much.”
Jeonghan chuckled, and his fingers slipped from you.
“You’re being so bad today y/n,” he chided lightly. “What happened to my pretty baby who listens to me no matter what?”
He grabbed you by your hips, shifting you closer to him. He pushed himself in between your legs, settling himself there as he tapped the tip of his cock against your clit. Your thrusted up towards Jeonghan’s dick, desperate for him to slid into you, and when your bare thighs rubbed against the cloth of his sweatpants it just made you that much more desperate.
“And you’re so quiet too. Scared of your own voice, hm? You know I like it when you beg like my own little whore.”
The tip of Jeonghan’s dick dipped into you and you fought everything in your body not to fuck yourself on him. You just let another whine leave your mouth.
“Jeonghan I’m so sorry for leaving so long,” you mumbled, and as you spoke Jeonghan was slipping his cock into you. You forced your eyes shut as he wrapped his arms around your body, coming fully seated inside of you. “I’m so sorry, I need you so badly. Need you to fuck me, really really-”
Jeonghan cut you off with a hard thrust, his lips brushing against yours teasingly.
“I don’t actually want you to feel bad for leaving for a week,” Jeonghan mumbled. His teeth teased your bottom lip, and his fingers duck into your back. “Unlike you I’m patient and besides…”
Another hard thrust and you couldn’t help the scream that Jeonghan ended up swallowing into a rough kiss. He gave you another hard thrust, your body bouncing, afraid to grab him but really needing to not only for purchase but also just to be close to him.
“You’re always worth the wait.”
You must have clamped down on Jeonghan hard because as soon as you spoke Jeonghan was fucking you again, hard. He let your back hit the floor and placed his hands on either side of your head. His lips were pressed hard to yours and he wasn’t holding back in the slightest.
“Je-Jeon-“ You could barely get a word out. Your fingers twitched by your sides, trying desperately to hold onto the ground that it was literally impossible to hold on to. “I need-”
It was so hard to speak around Jeonghan’s mouth, but he let his lips pull away from yours as you tried to speak, placing his forehead to yours.
“What baby?” Fuck. His hands came up to your neck, his thumbs brushing the dip in your throat. “Something you want?”
You could tell he was trying to be teasing but it wasn’t coming off well right now because he was being so rough. His eyes were shut in concentration and he squeezed your neck lightly driving you even fucking crazier.
“Wanna touch you,” you managed to get out, your voice quiet. Jeonghan laughed.
“Is that so? Thought you were being bad today, why didn’t you just grab onto me huh?”
You let out a frustrated sound, wanting to grab him out of spite but wanting to be good like he was teasing you for even more.
“I’m good,” you managed to get out, but you sounded so pathetic and broken as you spoke, each thrust so rough that you were starting to practically sob on his cock. Jeonghan’s lips tilted down to your face, kissing at the tears that rolled down your cheeks.
“You want to prove that you’re good?” He asked, you nodded, your mouth open so that you could pant. “Why don’t you come for me? Want to feel you come on my cock again so bad… Missed it, missed you-”
He didn’t have to say more, he didn’t even have to touch your clit. A sob left your lips as pleasure whirled through your body. You couldn’t hold back if you wanted to, you desperately grabbed at Jeonghan’s biceps, squeezing at him hard to try and gain some control over your position.
Jeonghan didn’t even falter, instead he got faster, and harder.
“S-sensitive!” Was all that you managed to get out, and it just made Jeonghan hum against you.
“Is that so baby? Cause I’m nowhere near done with you.”
You whimpered, and you tightened your grip on Jeonghan.
“I’m going to make you come until you literally can’t come anymore,” Jeonghan promised. “Won’t stop until you either safe word or I’m finally satisfied. I wouldn’t blame you at all if you tapped out.”
As he spoke, you were already overcoming the slight discomfort from him fucking you through your orgasm. You shook your head desperately, knowing without even knowing how long it was going to go on for that you were not going to tap out.
Ignoring Jeonghan for a full week was such a terrible idea for you because it just meant that you needed him that much more. You felt so good with his cock stuffed inside of you, his hot breath on your cheek driving you feral. You readjusted your arms so that your fingers were threaded in the roots of Jeonghan’s hair.
You couldn’t help it, you started quietly begging Jeonghan to fuck you harder. You knew you were pulling a little at Jeonghan’s hair and normally you didn’t think he would entertain it but he didn’t seem to mind.
“You’re so slutty y/n,” he mumbled. “You submit to me so fast. So willingly. Wanted me to take my clothes off so badly but you don’t even actually care that I’m fucking you like some common whore.”
You nodded, still babbling, still nonsense and Jeonghan was eating it up.
“You’re not even making sense,” he teased, and as he spoke another orgasm was wracking through your body. Your head tilted up and your lips brushed against Jeonghan’s but he pulled away from you as you did. “My little baby, coming on my dick from being talked down to. Like it so much don’t you? Like it when I fuck you stupid. Why don’t you try and get another straight sentence out for me?”
Your eyebrows furrowed in concentration but Jeonghan’s lack of letting up was making it hard. With each thrust his sweat pants brushed against your clit and the friction was making you pull away form Jeonghan a little as you came down from your second orgasm.
Jeonghan didn’t mind that either. His thumbs pressed down together every now and then as you hiced, making your voice come in and out, your breathing becoming just that much more desperate. He was toying with you, enjoying the way that your wish to breath increased when he pushed down on you, letting up the pressure only so that he could watch you catch your breath and then take it away from you all over again.
You could feel another orgasm building up in your core, and this time you were chasing it, your abused pussy the last thing on your mind as you rolled your hips down on Jeonghan. You wanted him to come so badly. Wanted to feel him fill you up because you had felt so empty recently, and you must have been telling him exactly that because you felt Jeonghan’s cock twitch inside of you and:
“Yeah? You want it that badly?” He had somehow managed to steady his voice but you could tell by the sudden erraticness of his thrusts that he wasn’t actually that composed. You could also feel it in the slightly bending of his pointer fingers on the back of his neck, you were making it so hard for him not to come.
“Y-Yeah.” You finally managed to consciously get something out. “Need your cum so badly, don’t you want to fill me up? I want to feel full of you.”
Jeonghan tried to hum but it came out wrecked.
“So good at begging,” he praised and it affected you just as much as it did when he was degrading you. Your back arched and you pressed your chest into his tshirt covered chest. You couldn’t help it.
“Jeonghan pl-please, I-” You were interrupted not only by the feeling of come being shot deep inside of you but by Jeonghan’s lips crashing hard onto yours. You were crying like a baby on him as another orgasm was ripped through you and it hurt but the pain was practically null to the full burning pleasure that was filling your body as he shot string after string of cum inside of you.
His thrusting began to slow down until he was agonizingly slowly dragging his cock in and out of you. He was breathing hard against your lips, no longer kissing you, but pressed against your lips regardless. When he finally came to a stop inside of you his body slumped against yours.
“You’re so good for me,” he mumbled. “So good. Always so good for me.”
You didn’t respond to him, your fingers still tugging at his hair tightly as you tried to bring your breathing back to normal. Jeonghan didn’t really care about that. He slipped his cock out of you and before even a drop of his cum could leave he was pushing two of his fingers back into you.
“Such a sloppy little pussy,” Jeonghan mumbled against your lips and you could feel the smile. “Does it feel good?”
You had to be honest, and you breathed a yes, your body buzzing as he you felt his cum slowly being pushed deep into you, then threatening to drip out before being pushed right back into you.
“Jeong-“ You were going to come again, and you knew that Jeonghan could feel it because his thumb pressed to your clit again making you cry out in pleasure.
“Your really going to come from me fucking my cum into you?” He teased, and that was all he had to say before you were coming again. Sobbing against his lips.
“C-Can’t do more,” you begged breathily, and as you spoke Jeonghan was slipping his cock back into you. Once he was fully inside of you however he stopped completely, his head dipping down into your neck. He fell quiet, his chest rising and falling gently against you.
You were afraid to talk because the feeling in your heart was a lot heavier than it should be for someone that you had just started dating. You bit down on your lip on your lip to keep yourself from speaking.
“Y/n,” Jeonghan breathed against your neck, sending a chill through your body. “Y/n, I really do love you.”
He took the words that you were afraid to say to him right out of your mouth, and as you fought to figure out what to say back to him because surely such intense feelings from you to him was due to the post-sex haze your phone started to buzz on your counter. Your eyebrows furrowed and despite Jeonghan’s protests, you wrestled your way out of his arms and picked it up.
“Oh, it’s Yeongtae,” you mumbled. You didn’t think twice before sliding the green phone across your screen and putting the phone to your face, and it made Jeonghan groan unabashedly. He wrapped his arms around your body, tugging you into his chest, but you mostly ignored him.
“Hey,” you mumbled into your phone.
“My head hurts.” You pulled your phone away from your ear suddenly. He was so loud. “And I don’t know where I am.”
Your eyebrows furrowed, and you pulled away from Jeonghan a little bit.
“You don’t know where you are?”
“Last night I went home with a girl and we got on a bus? And we were kissing, and then we got off the bus? And now I’m in a neighborhood somewhere?”
You glanced at Jeonghan, putting your hand over the speaker.
“He’s lost,” you mouthed.
“Put it on speaker phone,” he mouthed back. You frowned slightly but did what he wanted to regardless.
“Can you see anything that you recognize?” You asked him.
“Uh…”
“Have you not tried using your gps?” Jeonghan asked. Yeongtae was silent for a second.
“Jeonghan? Y/n, you actually talked to him!” Came Yeongtae’s very loud voice. “He sounds jealous.”
“Do you want our help?” You asked Yeongtae sharply. He was silent for a few moments.
“Can you two come pick me up? I think I was on the bus for like three hours.”
“Three hours?” You blurted, unable to help it. “How drunk did you get?”
“Y/n please,” Yeongtae begged in the phone. “I won’t ask you guys again.”
You sighed, but not because of Yeongtae. You looked over at Jeonghan, not having to say a word for him to understand what you were asking him silently.
“We’ll come get you,” Jeonghan relented rolling his eyes. “And it’s okay if you ask again. What are best friends for?”
You didn’t let Yeongtae think about the slightly sarcastic way that Jeonghan added the best friends part- something that Yeongtae clearly didn’t even remember saying.
“Send me your location okay? We’ll be there soon just sit tight.”
“Okay.” Honestly Yeongtae sounded tiny over the phone. “I’ll see you two soon. Thank you.”
You ended the call between you two and before you could say anything Jeonghan was groaning and he was burying himself into your neck. You sighed, raising your hand to his head.
“I’m sorry,” you mumbled, honest. “It’s just-”
“It’s okay,” Jeonghan interrupted before you could say more. “I get it. You put up with Chaedom, I can put up with Yeongtae.”
He sighed, and pulled away from you a little bit.
“Besides, you’re mine right? Since we’re together it doesn’t matter if you hang out with Yeongtae or if I hang out with Chaedom.” You knew he was joking but you still sent him a glare. He laughed. “Yeongtae isn’t really that bad,” he admitted. “Weird. But he treats you well.”
Before you could ask Jeonghan if he was okay because oh my god, a nice thing about Yeongtae coming from Jeonghan’s mouth? You genuinely never thought you would see the day- Jeonghan was pulling apart from you.
“Okay, let’s get you in the shower,” he said. Your eyes widened in surprise.
“But Yeongtae-”
“He can wait,” Jeonghan pressed. “We’ve got to get you clean and then we’ll go get him.”
He fixed you with a serious look.
“But now that we’re dating? You have no excuse to avoid after care. After we get Yeongtae home you’re all mine okay? I just want to hold you.”
You pressed your lips together, just to prevent yourself from admitting how badly you wanted that. You just nodded. Jeonghan looked at you, clearly wanting you to say more but he didn’t push it. He sighed and mirrored your nod.
“You’re so good for me,” he mumbled, and the embarrassment caused warmth to crawl up your neck. “Come on.”
Everyone keeps acting like you aren't over Jeonghan, and you are determined to convince everyone that you are.
Tags: 16k words (I lied omg), dub con for safety reasons, Porn with Plot, frat boy!Jeonghan, college student!y/n, best friend!Jeongyeon, soft!dom to hard!dom Jeonghan, mean!Jeonghan (and y/n loves it), submissive!y/n, female!y/n (sorry gender-neutral friends), impact play, masochist!y/n, sadist!Jeonghan, Jeonghan aftercare king, y/n crys in this but it's not what you think, Jeonghan is a huge tease also
-
Part Six:
“You’re being stupid.”
You were vividly aware of that. After all, how could you not be being stupid when you were sitting on your floor, a hand mirror propped up in front of you and a whisk on your neck.
Arguing with Jeonghan was one thing but this couldn’t really be considered arguing, could it? After all, you hadn’t even let Jeonghan explain himself. You had practically thrown a fit somewhere where he couldn’t do anything about it and then left.
You hadn’t ever thought that you would end up using one of your safe words with Jeonghan, and honestly, the safety phrase that you two had come up with left your lips before you could really think over it carefully.
You remembered what Jeonghan had said. How he got reassurance in the trust you gave him. You wondered how he felt considering in that moment it probably seemed like that trust was gone.
Jeonghan deserved to feel that hurt from lying to you.
… Probably.
You didn’t know why he was lying to you, so you couldn’t really say with full confidence whether he deserved to feel hurt.
You also couldn’t ignore the knot in your stomach. You didn’t want to hurt Jeonghan. You still trusted Jeonghan. You knew he wouldn’t do anything to physically hurt you. You just… Also didn’t trust him in some ways. Maybe he would do something to mentally hurt you.
Your mind started to bring up instances in which Jeonghan had showed undeniably that he didn’t want to mentally scar you and you shook the thoughts out as quickly as you could.
You didn’t want to think about this right now.
Your eyes narrowed at your reflection in the mirror.
“Y/n,” Yeongtae said, trying to garner a reaction from you. You ignored him in favor of twisting the whisk over one of your hickeys. Yeongtae sighed.
“Why is she so stubborn?”
Jeongyeon shrugged.
“She’s always been like that. Just let her be dumb. She figures it out eventually.”
You shot a glare at Jeongyeon.
“I’m being dumb?” You demanded. “I’m not the one lying to a fuck buddy about fucking other people.”
Jeongyeon gave you an annoyed expression.
“But you are the one on the floor using a whisk to get rid of hickeys that you know you love,” Jeongyeon pointed out. “And you’re also going to be the one crying in bed later when you realize that the one thing you still have left of Jeonghan has been literally whisked out of your neck.”
You pressed your lips together and focused back on your whisk and neck. You didn’t want to say that Jeongyeon was right because she couldn’t be… Right? This situation was not a situation that warranted crying. You weren’t that emotionally attached to him.
Sure, you had spent a lot of time together, and yes you were abnormally angry at him for just another fling but that didn’t warrant crying.
He hadn’t necessarily hurt you either. He just lied.
It was shitty that he lied to you, but you were mad because he was stupid. Mad because it didn’t make sense. But he hadn’t hurt you, so there was no reason to cry.
Still, Jeongyeon’s words worried you. You looked at yourself in the mirror, your eyes flickering down to the hickeys on your neck. You knew that they would fade with time regardless of you whisking them away, which sort of asked the question that you didn’t really want to address.
Was this it? Were you done with Jeonghan?
He had lied to you, you were mad, those were two things that you were acutely aware of, but did this situation warrant cutting him off completely?
You felt sort of like you were acting out for no reason. If you were a psychology professor evaluating this situation you might say that it seemed like you wanted extra attention from Jeonghan and that was why you were making such a big deal over something that was realistically a conversation.
But with the knowledge that you actually had of the situation that just didn’t align.
“I’m not going to cry over Jeonghan,” you said finally. “I’m over him.”
It didn’t take a genius to know that no one in the room believed you.
“Really,” you insisted. “Jeongyeon knows how I am. He’s just another boy to get over. I’ve been in this situation a million times.”
Jeongyeon shrugged.
“Well, she’s right there. If y/n is good at anything it’s at dropping flings that aren’t treating her right,” she agreed.
“But Jeonghan-”
“He lied,” you interrupted, shooting Jun a glare. “If he didn’t want me to leave, he shouldn’t have lied.”
You thought over your words, that residual doubt still lingering in your mind. You pressed your lips together. “Besides. He’ll be sleeping with other people in no time. I’m not the sort of person that Yoon Jeonghan would get attached to.”
-
The first thing that Jun was greeted with upon getting back to the Alpha Mu house was none other than a pacing Yoon Jeonghan.
Jeonghan hadn’t slept well at all since you had left him at the party, and everyone in the house knew. He wanted to check on you. He wanted to see you. He just wanted one conversation.
“Well?” Jeonghan asked, his eyes flicking nervously to Jun as he toed off his shoes at the door. “Does she miss me? What did she say? Should I call her?”
Jun gave Jeonghan an apologetic look.
“She says she doesn’t care,” he said.
Jeonghan cursed, his gaze dropping to the floor, but the conversation only made Seungcheol laugh humorlessly.
“I told you. I told you that if you treated her badly, she would leave,” he said with a shake of his head. “But what did you do? Used her, abused her-”
“That’s dramatic,” Jeonghan interrupted.
“You lied to her!” Seungcheol argued back.
Frustration filled Jeonghan to the point where he felt like he was going to boil over. The others didn’t get it. Seungcheol didn’t get it. They didn’t see the way he treated you.
“I can explain that to her I just need to talk to her,” Jeonghan insisted. “I’m just going to call her.”
Jeonghan pulled out his phone but just as he did Seungcheol grabbed it.
“No. You don’t get that chance,” he said. Jeonghan’s face was starting to turn red, and Seokmin and Minghao shared looks of resignation to the fact that they wouldn’t be finishing their assignments any time soon.
“Give me my phone back,” Jeonghan said, his voice dropping to a dangerous octave.
“No,” Seungcheol repeated, squaring his shoulders. “You can’t force y/n to talk to you. If she wants to, if she decides to you will get the chance to get her back.”
“You have been against me and her from day one,” Jeonghan snapped. “You don’t get our relationship. I don’t treat her like an object. This is the last time I will ask. Give me the phone.”
“If you call y/n now, you are risking your entire relationship with her,” Seungcheol said. “You lied to her. She is confused. She doesn’t know where she stands with you. You will only further confuse her if you talk to her now.”
“The solution to this is a conversation,” Jeonghan insisted. He realized quickly that Seungcheol wasn’t about to just give him the phone, so he darted forward, trying to grab it. Seungcheol easily pulled it out of Jeonghan’s grasp.
He hated how sloppy he got when he was emotional. If this wasn’t about you he would have grabbed the phone easily.
Of course, if it wasn’t about you, he wouldn’t be arguing with Seungcheol at all.
“Let her think first. If you don’t listen to me about anything else listen to me about this.”
Jeonghan turned again to face Seungcheol, now even angrier but the anger dissipated when Seungcheol slammed his phone into his chest, forcing them to look at one another.
“Y/n let’s you do whatever the hell you want to her and puts up no fights. She trusts you to respect her when she says no, but she never says no.”
Jeonghan’s eyes narrowed at Seungcheol.
“So?”
“So, she said no. She used one of her safety phrases.” Jeonghan reached up to pull his phone out of Seungcheol’s grasp and once he had it Seungcheol dropped his hands to his sides. “Go ahead. Call her. But if you do, I guarantee she will never trust you again.”
Jeonghan stared at Seungcheol, trying to will him down with just a stare but Seungcheol wasn’t just anyone. He’d been with Jeonghan long enough to know when Jeonghan was just throwing a fit. And Jeonghan had been Seungcheol long enough to know when he was right.
“Fuck off, Seungcheol.”
But he was still going to be mad about it.
-
“Moved on already?”
You looked up at Yeongtae who you hadn’t even noticed had been staring at you for the last few minutes. Your eyebrows furrowed and your head fell to the side.
“Moved on…?” You murmured. He hummed and gestured to your phone.
“You’re checking your phone every ten seconds trying to see if anyone’s messaged you. You must have a hot new boyfriend.” You stared at Yeongtae for a few seconds trying to figure out what would have made him think that but then a smirk started to cross his lips and you realized what this was about.
“Yeongtae, I swear to god-”
“Seriously? Still?” He pressed, a laugh leaving his mouth. “How dumb are you?”
“I’m not dumb, I’m not even checking my phone that often,” you protested.
“Okay, not every ten seconds,” Yeongtae relented. “But more often than usual.”
He closed the book in front of him.
“Has Jeonghan not reached out to you yet?” He asked.
“Of course, he hasn’t,” you replied. “He’s Yoon Jeonghan. Remember? Massive University fuck boy? He’s probably fucking someone else as we speak.”
Yeongtae rolled his eyes.
“I know you’re in denial but be so fucking for real.” You made a face at his choice of words. “Jeonghan was utterly obsessed with you. He certainly hasn’t moved on that quickly.”
You looked away from him, letting an unamused noise of disagreance leave your lips.
“He really hasn’t called you?” Yeongtae asked again, but this time he seemed to be talking to himself. “I would have thought that he would have reached out immediately. Especially considering the way he talks about you.”
You perked up at that, your eyes darting back to Yeongtae.
“The way he talks about me?” You asked. Yeongtae hummed.
“Yeah, some of my study groups overlap with his so I see him every now and then. People are always asking about you, practically everyone has heard about your relationship.”
He shook his head clicking his tongue.
“People are such pigs sometimes. They’re always asking Jeonghan how to score with you, and he gets downright scary. If you didn’t like me I would probably be dead. I’ve never seen someone as relaxed as Jeonghan get angry so fast. He punched this guy Seonghun over you.”
It was a bit hard for you to imagine Jeonghan getting physical with someone else over you. Sure he had gotten a bit rough with Hyeon but you had sort of assumed that was mostly for show because you were there.
“No, he didn’t,” you said with a shake of your head.
“Seonghun has the black eye to prove it,” Yeongtae insisted. “Regardless, Jeonghan didn’t show his face at the last study group. I was sure he would call you.”
“Well, he hasn’t,” you said finally. You let silence fall between you two for a few moments. “… And, he wouldn’t no matter what because I told him not to call me.”
You could feel Yeongtae staring at you.
“Y/n?”
“Yeah.”
“You’re a different kind of stupid.”
“Hey.”
“You told him not to call you?” He reemphasized. “And you’re checking your phone waiting for him to call you?”
“I’m not-”
“Yes, you are,” Yeongtae interrupted. “How long are you going to be in denial over the fact that you still want to be with him?”
“Yeongtae he’s just…” You trailed off, feeling a bit frustrated. “He’s just a guy.”
Yeongtae rolled his eyes.
“You know who is just a guy?” He asked. “Yunjun, Seonghun, Jun, Me.”
“You’re not just a guy,” you protested. “And neither is Jun. We’re friends.”
“Oh,” Yeongtae said, seeming to be actually surprised by what you had said. “So then, because we have a relationship, despite it being non-romantic, you consider us as not just guys.”
You were a little disheartened that he would think otherwise.
“Well of course,” you agreed. “I can’t deny that Yunjun is just a guy, and can’t speak on Seonghun but we spend so much time together, how could I ever think of you as just a guy.”
A small smile crossed his lips.
“So then, all that time you spent with Jeonghan? Him taking you home after you got drunk, him taking you shopping, him building lego sets with you. All of that still reduces him down to ‘just a guy’?”
And just like that you realized that Yeongtae had just been putting on an act to make a point.
“Yeongtae,” you blurted, leaning over the table so that you could hit him lightly. He raised his hands in defense against you, laughing.
“I’m just saying,” he said. “Stop being a hypocrite and I’ll stop getting on your nerves.”
You sighed, returning to your seat.
“Look, I get you mean the best, but I really am not hung up on Jeonghan,” you said. “It’s just the end of…” You hated to say it. “A relationship albeit a non-romantic one. It makes sense that I would feel a little hung up on it.”
Yeongtae rolled his eyes.
“And here comes the psych major.”
You sighed.
“I’m just saying, what ever emotional attachment I have to him-”
“So, you admit there is one!” Yeongtae interrupted.
“Will pass,” you emphasized. “And it will pass fast because Jeonghan and I were barely emotionally attached in the first place. We just got comfortable with each other. That’s all.”
Yeongtae clearly wanted to press the subject but after searching your eyes for a moment he simply shrugged.
“Okay, I relent,” he said. “I’ll let you be stupid as long as you pay for dinner tonight.”
You let out a soft laugh.
“Yeah, of course, you will.”
-
You could feel everyone’s concern in the air as you promptly began to bury yourself in your coursework and it only made your situation more frustrating.
You knew they meant well. You knew that they just thought that you were focusing on work because you were trying not to think about Jeonghan but that simply wasn’t true. He was just a fling; you didn’t get hung up over flings.
You probably just missed the reassurance that Jeonghan gave you. That was it.
There was a soft knock at your door, and you frowned. You glanced at Jeongyeon who looked up at you from the floor.
“Are you expecting anyone?”
She shrugged.
“No.”
You sighed and got to your feet, walking over and cracking the door open. You didn’t think you could have been more surprised by who was at your door.
“Seungcheol?”
The man gave you a tired smile.
“Hey.” A frown riddled across his face. “Did you check to see who was at the door before opening it? You know you should be more careful when opening the door like that.”
You were getting a bit of dejavu.
“What are you doing here?” And on second thought- “How did you know where I live?”
“That’s where I come in-” Seungcheol was suddenly pushed aside by Jun who smiled at you before pushing past you too.
“Jeongyeon,” he whined loudly as he walked into your apartment, falling face-forward into the couch. “I’m really fucking bored, and I need help with chem.”
“You didn’t even bring your bag stupid-”
As Jeongyeon and Jun started bickering you turned your attention back to Seungcheol, leaning on the door frame.
“I don’t suppose you came here for Chem help?”
Seungcheol gave you half a grimace.
“Can we walk?”
-
It was cold out. You hated April. One day it was in the 70s, the next it was in the 40s all over again. Class being cancelled today had meant staying indoors and you had barely bothered to put jeans and a tshirt on. You wished you had thought to throw on a jacket.
Seungcheol had been quiet so far but upon you wrapping your arms over your chest he sighed and shrugged his own jacket off draping it over your shoulders before you could argue.
“Look, it’s about Jeonghan,” Seungcheol started off. You rolled your eyes.
“Yeah. Duh,” you mumbled. You tugged Seungcheol’s jacket tighter around your body.
“I don’t want to intervene in you two’s business,” Seungcheol started. “It’s just that we’re all sick and tired of Jeonghan’s attitude.”
He looked away from you.
“Usually, he’s really easy going but he’s just been a grumpy asshole all week.”
You snorted, finding it hard to believe that he would be so upset over what happened between the two of you, but Seungcheol’s expression stayed scary serious.
“I’m not saying you need to forgive him for being an idiot or anything,” Seungcheol said. “It was stupid of him to pretend like he was fucking other girls. I don’t really know what was going through his head.”
Seungcheol’s eyebrows furrowed as if he was trying to make sense of it, but after a few seconds passed he shook his head.
“Look, I don’t know. Don’t you miss him at all?”
You sighed; a bit heavier than you really meant to.
“Why should I miss him? We were just fuck buddies,” you stated. Seungcheol pressed his lips together, a strangled noise leaving his mouth.
“I just thought you had some emotional attachment to him I guess,” he stated. “After all, you got really jealous over that Chaedom situation.”
“Hey, Chaedom is just a bitch!” You protested, your voice growing a bit higher and louder. You cleared your throat. “I don’t care if he sleeps or slept with other people. Just Chaedom-”
“Right,” Seungcheol agreed. “Funny, that’s what Jeonghan always says about Yeongtae.”
You scoffed, stepping in front of Seungcheol so that he had to abruptly stop.
“Why do you care, Seungcheol?” You demanded. “We aren’t close. Jeonghan will move on and go back to his old ways- If he hasn’t already, and you’re better off without me there all the time anyways. Should I remind you what I sound like?”
Seungcheol raised his hands in the air.
“I’m not trying to pry,” he insisted. “I’m not trying to make you mad, I just…”
He sighed.
“I’ve known Jeonghan for years and never has he ever settled for anyone. He has sex practically once a week.”
“Yeah, I’m sure it was rough for him to go back to his old ways,” you scoffed.
“He hasn’t,” Seungcheol said. You rolled your eyes and you weren’t looking at him, so Seungcheol grabbed your wrist. “He really hasn’t.”
“Give him until the next party,” you said.
“Y/n, he is obsessed with you. He’s changed,” Seungcheol insisted. “You made him want something that he’s never wanted before and that scared him. He wants to reach out for you but he’s respecting your wish for space. Can’t you just… Whatever- Hate him forever, but you have to believe that he-”
“What? Loves me?”
You laughed.
“He doesn’t love me. He’ll move on. This next party for sure.”
“Then come,” Seungcheol said. His face was serious. You just frowned at him.
“I don’t want him to see me and think I want him back or something,” you mumbled. That wasn’t completely true. You didn’t want him to see you at the party because you knew that if he saw you and wanted to… You would let him take you all over again.
“Then come in a disguise. We’ll get Mingyu in on it. A wig, and different makeup than you usually wear-”
“Do you think he’s stupid?” You blurted. “He’ll see right through it.”
“Not if we’re good enough,” Seungcheol insisted. “Just come. Please.”
You took Seungcheol’s jacket off your shoulders, shoving it into his hands.
“you said you didn’t want to get in Jeonghan and I’s business? Well, then actually stay out of it.”
You briskly turned away from him, heading back in the direction towards your apartment. You heard Seungcheol make a defeated sound.
“Just… Think about it, okay?” He called after you.
“Fuck off,” you called back.
-
Unfortunately, what your mind had told you to say wasn’t what your heart was willing to enforce.
You couldn’t sleep that night because of your conversation with Seungcheol.
You had been pretty sure at a time that the boys of Alpha Mu liked you. Enough so that you didn’t think they would like to see you hurt. So, Seungcheol’s words caught you off guard.
If he thought Jeonghan had bad intentions, he certainly wouldn’t come to try and get you to take him back. That being said, it was odd that Seungcheol didn’t seem to care if you actually took back Jeonghan or not. He just seemed to want you to believe that Jeonghan genuinely liked you.
“Are you thinking about Jeonghan again?”
You would think that Yeongtae would have been tired of you glaring at him at this point, but he didn’t seem to care.
“You are so annoying when you aren’t getting laid. How do you make friends when you are in between fuck buddies?”
“Yeongtae I-” You wanted to scream at him as if he was wrong about the fact that you had been overly frustrated but… He was right. You really needed to blow off some steam but no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t touch yourself without thinking about how much better Jeonghan could touch you.
Whenever you closed your eyes, you heard him telling you what to do.
Whenever you took your clothes off you could hear him chiding you and telling you that you didn’t deserve him, but he would fuck you anyway, just because he pitied you-
“Oh my god, I don’t have to hear your thoughts to know that you are fantasizing about Jeonghan.”
“I’m not,” you protested. “God, why’s everyone acting like I miss him so much? He was just a fuck buddy.”
“Yeah, but he’s a fuck buddy you are still hung up on. Apparently, he’s more than just a fuck buddy,” Yeongtae argued. You couldn’t figure out how to respond to him, so you just threw an eraser at him. He didn’t even flinch.
“Look, you won’t convince anyone that you are over him until you prove it,” he insisted. “So…” He leaned forward, propping his elbows up on the table and resting his chin on his hands. “Let me set you up on a date.”
“What?” You asked. “Yeongtae, I’m not interested in dating anyone right now.”
“Right. Because you are still hooked up on Jeonghan.”
“No,” you disagreed. “Not because I’m still hooked up on Jeonghan. I just don’t want to go on a date.”
“What’s the worst that could happen?” Yeongtae prodded. “Maybe you hit it off with the person. Maybe you just relieve some of the built-up horniness in your body. Either way he pays for your meal.”
“How would you even set me up?” You asked, unamused by his prodding. “You don’t have any friends.”
Yeongtae cocky expression dropped into a genuinely hurt one.
“Ouch,” he said. You shrugged. “I told you the guys in my study group are all dying for a chance with you. And despite the fact that any guy with eyes on you makes Jeonghan mad, Minhyuk makes him the least mad of everyone.”
You ignored the comment about Jeonghan.
“Minhyuk?” You repeated. “I actually think I met him at a party once with Jeonghan.”
“Perfect,” Yeongtae insisted. “You even know him!”
“It was like a two-minute interaction.”
“Well, did you like him?”
You thought back on your conversation, and from what you remembered you couldn’t really say that you hadn’t liked him. Yeongtae seemed to notice your hesitance.
“It’s just one date. You guys can go somewhere public, and you’ll see how it goes,” he said, waving his hand in the air. As he spoke, he pulled out his phone. He typed for a little bit on his screen and then looked up at you. “Well?”
You stared at him.
“If I go on this date, you promise you’ll get off my back about this Jeonghan thing?”
Yeongtae very seriously drew an x over his chest with his fingers.
“Cross my heart.”
You rolled your eyes.
“Set up the date.”
-
Despite the fact you were up early quite often trying to sneak out of the Alpha Mu house, you hated getting up early. So, meeting Minhyuk at a coffee shop at 9 in the morning made you want to melt into the ground.
Still, if it would get Yeongtae off your back then it was worth getting up so early.
When you got to the coffee shop, Minhyuk was already there looking at the menu and you were surprised to find that he looked really well-kept when he wasn’t getting drunk at a party.
His hair was slicked back, and he was wearing a button-up and a pair of jeans. You felt a little under dressed in your tee shirt but you pushed aside the feeling. This date wasn’t that serious anyways.
“Hi Minhyuk,” you greeted, shooting the boy a smile. He turned over his shoulder, giving you a smile back. You noticed that two of his teeth looked like fangs.
“Hey! I can’t believe you’re actually here,” he said, his voice light. “I assumed Yeongtae was playing a prank on me.” He thought over his words for a second. “Yeongtae is a weird guy.”
You laughed.
“Considering you two aren’t friends, you know him really well,” you commented. You fell in step next to Minhyuk, looking up at the menu in front of you. Your eyes scoured the options but even as you did that your mind wasn’t entirely on the menu.
Minhyuk was taller than you, but not taller than Jeonghan was. Your eyebrows furrowed a bit as you made note of the distance that Minhyuk was putting between you two. Unlike other people in the past, Minhyuk was keeping a respectful distance from you.
Of course, you couldn’t help but think that it was nice when Jeonghan was holding you as close to him as you could get. When he had mentioned that he wanted you as eye candy, he really had meant it.
“So, what are you thinking about getting?” Minhyuk asked. Your attention snapped back to the menu, and you dragged out an exaggerated hum.
“A latte,” you said.
“Of course,” Minhyuk agreed. “But what flavor?”
“Now that’s the question,” you said. You crossed your arms over your chest, letting your head fall to the side. “What flavor?”
Once you had settled on a latte flavor, Minhyuk had insisted you go and sit down so that he could pay for the food. Even though Yeongtae had named one of the perks of going on this date as getting free food, you still persistently argued with Minhyuk over getting your drink paid for.
In the end however, you settled for him paying as long as long as you could repay him in the future.
“So, y/n, why the sudden change in attitude?” Minhyuk asked. “I thought Jeonghan was going to have my head the day that I proposed us trading numbers.”
You snorted.
“You have a good memory,” you commented.
“And then when Chaedom got back, I was starting to realize why he was so possessive.”
You rolled your eyes.
“I didn’t come here to talk about Jeonghan,” you said.
“You should have seen the way that Chaedom came back down the stairs,” Minhyuk added with a laugh. “It was not her day.”
You couldn’t help the smile that flickered across your lips at the statement.
“So, what about you? If you thought, I was so taken then why did you tell Yeongtae to hook us up?” You asked.
“Jeonghan has been testy recently,” Minhyuk replied. “Word on the street was that you two were taking some space.”
Your eyebrows furrowed slightly.
“Why are people so obsessed over Jeonghan and I?” You asked. Minhyuk hummed.
“Because Jeonghan is the guy who never settles and you are the one he settled for,” he replied. “Everyone who didn’t see you before is seeing you in a whole new light now,” he explained. “And I was just the lucky one who got to go on a date with you first.”
That was a weird thing to think about. The thought that people were interested in you now, partly just because you had messed around with Jeonghan for a little bit didn’t sit quite right in your head. Of all the things to come from all of this… That was the most unexpected.
“Well, some of your information is a bit inaccurate,” you said. “Jeonghan didn’t really settle for me. I was a phase just like everyone else.”
“True or not,” Minhyuk said with a wave of his hand. “I’m honored that you came out with me. I’m surprised that you’re over him so quickly.”
You rolled your eyes.
“I’m just another person Minhyuk,” you said lightly. “Besides, there wasn’t much to get over. We were just a passing fling.”
“I’m surprised to hear anyone say that so casually,” Minhyuk laughed. “But then again, you’re a psych major huh? It must be easy for you to sort through your feelings.”
“That’s not entirely true,” you said. “It’s just easier to name my feelings. Not to sort through them.”
Minhyuk hummed and nodded.
“And what feelings are you feeling right now?” He asked, his lips flickering into a smile. You took a drink of your coffee.
“I’m feeling happy,” you replied. “Relaxed.”
“And me? What am I feeling right now?” He pressed.
“Cocky,” you stated. “And flirtatious.”
Minhyuk broke out into a loud laugh, that quickly led to him covering his mouth. You laughed too, surprised by how funny he took your words.
“You’re right,” he said once his laughs had died down a little. “I have to lay it on thick though. If only to see you smile.”
You didn’t normally like people who flirted with you so brazenly, but Minhyuk was a lot more easy going than other guys like him. Plus, it helped that he was really attractive.
Conversation between you and Minhyuk turned quickly to other topics, and you were starting to think that it was going really well. Did you see you and Minhyuk dating in the future? No, probably not. But was it a relief to talk to someone who wasn’t walking on glass around you? Yeah, it definitely was.
You watched as Minhyuk’s eyes flickered over your shoulder, seeming to catch the attention of someone in the middle of your two’s conversation. Your eyebrows furrowed slightly at the action.
“Oh, Jeonghan-”
It was comical, really. Not only how fast that you turned around but at the fact Jeonghan’s full name didn’t even leave Minhyuk’s mouth before you were turning.
It only took you seconds to realize that no one was standing behind you, only seconds more to register the fact that Minhyuk was laughing. You pressed your eyes shut.
“God, not you too,” you groaned.
“Yeongtae told me that everyone thinks you’re still hung up on Jeonghan,” Minhyuk said lightly. “I had to see for myself outside of your vocal reassurance that you are.”
You turned back to face him, your shoulders slacking a little bit.
Okay, you missed him.
You couldn’t really deny it anymore. You were dying to see Jeonghan. Every day that you checked your phone you hoped to see a message from him, every time you went to the library you hoped to find him studying, every day someone talked about the Alpha Mu party this weekend you wanted to go.
And of course, you missed him.
You had grown accustomed to being around Jeonghan. You liked how he treated you. It was fun to be with him.
You knew that no one had said it was shameful to miss him, but you couldn’t help but feel like it was.
Because he had lied to you. Even if it was a small lie, it was a lie. You two had to have complete trust in your relationship.
But as much as you were homing in on that detail. The fact that he lied, you couldn’t quite put your heart into it.
“But really y/n. Why are you pretending not to be hung up on Jeonghan?”
You sighed and waved your hands through the air.
“I’m not pretending,” you replied. “I’m trying really hard to make it true.”
You looked down at the empty coffee cup in your hands, your eyebrows furrowing a bit.
“Okay, here me out,” Minhyuk said. “Let’s talk this out. Like… A school project.”
You looked up at him.
“Listening,” you said slowly.
“So, in this scenario there is a guy who everyone goes crazy for,” Minhyuk started. “And a girl who ends up catching his eye. Everyone can tell he is obsessed with her.”
“That’s-”
“This is just a random scenario!” Minhyuk interrupted, raising his pointer finger to his lips. You gave him a glare but let him go on. “So, if he is obsessed with her and everyone knows it. Psychologically speaking, why might she think otherwise?”
“Minhyuk-”
“It’s just a little on the spot presentation,” Minhyuk teased lightly. “Surely that’s easy for you to answer.”
Another sigh left your mouth.
“Maybe she thinks otherwise because he really isn’t obsessed with her.”
“What would other people gain by thinking that he is obsessed with her if it weren’t true?” Minhyuk asked. “After all, if he wasn’t then everyone who wanted to get with her instead would have no fear of repercussions.”
You fought the urge to argue with him.
“Okay, fine. There’s a couple of different reasons for it,” you said after a few moments. “Psychologically speaking she could be experiencing Imposter Syndrome.”
You thought over symptoms of Imposter Syndrome for a few moments.
“If not a specific syndrome, maybe she just has blocks to receiving affection, or maybe she’s clinging to negative core beliefs. She could even just be nervous to get into a serious relationship.”
“Okay, now that we’ve acknowledged what could be causing those thoughts, what caused the separation between the two?”
“I thought this was just a random scenario?” You asked skeptically. Minhyuk gave you an annoyed look. “He lied about sleeping with other people. Not saying that he wasn’t. He said he was, but it turned out he was only sleeping with me.”
Minhyuk’s eyebrows rose in surprise.
“Uh-” You saw him physically shake off his surprise. “Okay, so you find out. You’re mad?”
“Hypothetically,” you mumbled.
“So hypothetically, what is the logical next step to take?”
-
Of all the stupid things you had done recently, this might have to be the stupidest and it wasn’t even your idea.
Sure, looking at yourself in the mirror you looked a little different, but anyone with two eyes would be able to tell it was you.
“Keep in mind, it will be dark,” Seungcheol reminded you as if he could read your thoughts. “And you won’t be close enough to him for him to notice you.”
“And you never wear this kind of makeup,” Mingyu agreed. “And that wig looks nothing like what your hair usually looks like.”
“And most importantly, he isn’t expecting you,” Seungcheol added on.
You sighed. You supposed all that was true.
“I think he’ll still see through it.”
“He won’t,” Seungcheol assured. “This plan is foolproof. All you have to do is hang around my friend Yeonjun at the party, watching Jeonghan from afar. You’ll see that he hasn’t moved on and then you can decide if you want to have that conversation with him or not.”
It was still stupid. Hallmark rom com behavior. And yet, even so-
“Y/n, Yeonjun. Yeonjun, y/n.”
You eyed up the boy in front of you, give him a small smile despite your indifference towards him. He smiled a bit wider than you, his head falling to the side and his eyebrows scrunching together slightly.
“You’re y/n?” He asked, holding out his hand for you to shake. You ignored his hand. “You really do look different. That’s a good disguise.”
Mingyu personally seemed to take pride in that.
“Thank you,” he said with a smile. Seungcheol rolled his eyes and started to push Mingyu away.
“Okay, we’re going to go now so that Jeonghan doesn’t get suspicious of anything,” he said. He gave you a weird look, hesitating for just a moment. You raised your eyebrow at him. “Stick to the plan.”
Stick to the plan.
The plan wasn’t really a plan, and no matter how you thought about it you felt like you were in high school all over again. At your age, putting on a disguise to see if a guy really liked you was a bit childish. But, despite that, the plan was for you to spend the night at the party with Yeonjun, and watch Jeonghan from a far.
Why, Yeonjun? Because the salt and pepper haired boy was someone that you had never associated with before. So, if Jeonghan did think he recognized you, he would be thrown off by the fact you were with Yeonjun.
Maybe it was just the alcohol but as far as you could tell the disguise that Mingyu and Seungcheol had put you in was convincing. Nobody that had bumped into you thus far had recognized you. Even the Alpha Mu boys seemed to be none the wiser.
And Yeonjun, despite his excessive drinking, was proving to be quite the amusing partner in crime. As the night started out, the two of you had been located near the snack table. You had used this time to spot Jeonghan, while Yeonjun used this time to start drinking. At first he was quiet, just focusing on the alcohol, and then he seemed to go practically comatose. He stood next to you, completely silent, completely unmoving. It made him easy to ignore.
Jeonghan had started the night talking to Soonyoung and Seokmin, but as the night progressed, he started to move around the party. You hadn’t really pinned Jeonghan down as a particularly social person, despite the fact that he slept around.
You noticed that other than hanging out with the other frat boys he didn’t really associate with people. You were a bit surprised to find out that he was in a study group with Yeongtae.
Jeonghan didn’t stay with one group of people for very long. Instead, he floated from group to group, sometimes barely even partaking in conversation.
“It’s almost pathetic the way that you are staring at Jeonghan. You’re looking at him like most of the girls desperate for him look at him.”
You fixed Yeonjun under an unamused gaze to which he just shrugged unapologetically.
“Just thought I would tell it as I see it. You’re obsessed with him.”
It was the first time that you had heard anyone flip the tables on you. You were so used to people telling you that Jeonghan was obsessed with you that this felt weird.
“You’re drunk,” you said pointedly.
“Drunk but not blind,” Yeonjun argued back. He leaned towards you, his finger flicking across your nose. As he did, he tipped his cup of alcohol, spilling a few drops on the ground. His eyes widened in despair and he ducked his head to try and catch the spilled drink.
You laughed at him, shaking your head and allowing your eyes to turn back to Jeonghan.
“You really like him,” Yeonjun pressed.
“I’m just trying to see something,” you argued back.
Yeonjun hummed and suddenly his head fell against your chest.
“Hasn’t everyone been telling you? He’s been turning down people left and right for the last few weeks,” Yeonjun said. “Rumors on the street is that he is into someone.”
You rolled your eyes, but honestly found his behavior amusing. You raised a hand to his head, patting him like he was a dog.
“You always drink so much?” You asked him. He looked up at you with a pout on his lips.
“I don’t drink anymore than the next person,” Yeonjun replied. You fixed him with a skeptical look. “Okay a little more than the next person.”
He paused.
“We should get more alcohol,” he stated. Then another thought occurred to him. “You should drink some.”
“I think that if you are so drunk you’re spilling your alcohol than you are too drunk for more.”
Yeonjun whined his protests, but you ignored them. You kept your hand placed on the drunk boys’ head, staring at Jeonghan. A girl had joined him a few moments before. Her hand raised to his arm but he shook it off, looking like he was annoyed by her advances.
“Why are you so obsessed over Jeonghan?” Yeonjun asked. He paused. “Wait. Right. The plan. You don’t think Jeonghan is obsessed with you.”
You grunted, watching as Jeonghan walked away from the girl he had just shook off of him.
“I don’t believe this,” you murmured. Yeonjun peered up at you, his eyes wide and pupils dilated.
“What? That Jeonghan hasn’t fucked with anyone else yet?” He questioned. His eyes wandered over to the man in question who was practically social distancing from the girl in front of him. A completely different girl from the one he just turned down. “Isn’t this irrefutable proof that he actually does like you?”
“He’s got to be…” You trailed off in frustration. “Maybe he’s just being overly picky. He can’t just not be sleeping with other people because of me.”
Yeonjun looked back up at you. There was a moment of silence.
“Well, why don’t you try to seduce him then?”
Listening to a boy as drunk off his ass as Yeonjun was at this point was stupid.
“Yeonjun the plan-”
“The plan is stupid,” Yeonjun blurted out. “You put on a disguise this good just to stare at him from afar? You need to get into the action. Figure out for yourself if he really will sleep with someone else. You know him, what makes him tick.”
He gestured in the direction that Jeonghan was in, stumbling a little bit.
“Go make him tick.”
“He’ll recognize me,” you protested. Yeonjun rolled his eyes and gestured to the people around you two.
“No one recognizes you,” he replied. “Get it together and go figure out if that man is really your man.”
You really did no better than to listen to someone drunk, but something about Jeonghan really did make you stupid.
And yet, you still ended up finding yourself leaving Yeonjun with a girl whose name he had known, making your way towards Jeonghan in the crowd.
Your mind was screaming at you, begging you to not be stupid. Begging you to stay away from him. But even as you thought that, your shoulder was bumping against Jeonghan’s.
Time to see if you were really as good at acting as you sometimes pretended you were.
An innocent smile flickered across your face.
“Oh I’m-” You sucked in a breath that you wished you could say was rehearsed but really you had just really forgotten how nice it was to be in Jeonghan’s presence again. “I’m so sorry.”
You stumbled a little from the inertia of your bump and Jeonghan caught you by the wrist. A confused expression was riddled across his face. His eyes flickered across your body, his gaze pausing at your neck and then flicking back to your eyes.
Your heart stopped. You were sure you had been caught.
“And who might you be?” Jeonghan asked softly, a smile curling across his lips.
Game and point.
Pride surged through your body at the fact you had been able to trick him. Even more excitement buzzed through your body when you saw that undeniable glint his eyes. Lust, interest. His fingers tightened their grasp on you, causing your body to burn with desire.
“Is it important?” You asked. “All that matters is who you are.” Your eyes glinted in excitement. “Yoon Jeonghan.”
Jeonghan’s head fell to the side ever-so-slightly.
“So, my reputation proceeds me as it always does,” he said. His eyebrows furrowed. “I can’t help but wonder what you’ve heard.”
“Just that you always bring people to the finish line,” you replied your voice light.
You worried that your current conversation was too reminiscent of your first one with Jeonghan, but your worry over being caught was clouded by the knot that was growing in your stomach. Why did you feel like this? Wasn’t this what you wanted? To be right?
“Do you want to come upstairs with me?”
Jeonghan’s invitation was tempting, despite your disguise. Mostly because it reminded you just how much you craved him. Being mad at him was exhausting but this also showed that you were right and Seungcheol was wrong. He was the same Jeonghan that he had been when you met him.
Picky. But still willing to sleep with any person he thought fit his standards. You had simply been a glitch in the system. A break in a chain that was now put back together. You were forever just going to be a notch in his belt.
But you couldn’t help it…
“Yeah.”
You were reconsidering everything as you traveled back up those stairs. Now they were so familiar to you. Each little scratch and notch reminding you of a different time that you had traveled up them.
So Jeonghan hadn’t recognized your face. Did that mean he wouldn’t recognize your body?
Surely not, right? How distinct could your body be from others?
You shouldn’t let it get that far. No, you needed to make an excuse- Any excuse to get back downstairs to the party.
Maybe that would knock down Jeonghan’s ego a little bit. If suddenly, a conquest turned him down.
Yeah, that felt like good revenge and totally made up for the lack of self control you had when it came to Jeonghan. You would really have to unpack at some point why you really didn’t care if you were just a notch in Jeonghan’s belt.
Jeonghan opened the door of his bedroom, gesturing you in. He was being a little bit more detached than he usually was when he was about to fuck you, but maybe that was just a difference between you and the other people he slept with.
It didn’t necessarily mean that he liked you more than them.
You opened your mouth to make some excuse to go back downstairs but before you could Jeonghan was slamming the door shut with his foot. Your eyes widened as he suddenly closed the distance between you two. You backed yourself up against the wall and he trapped you there between his arms, his face mere itches from you.
“Did you think I wouldn’t recognize you?”
His entire demeanor was different than it had been just a second ago. You could practically feel a hundred feelings radiating off of Jeonghan’s body. Lust, desperation, frustration.
“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Jeonghan’s hand shot up and ripped your wig off of your head. He held it in front of your face, his lips pressed in frustration.
“Do you think I’m stupid? That I wouldn’t recognize you just because you had a little bit of makeup on and a wig?”
“I-”
“I understand my reputation,” Jeonghan said. He threw the wig to the floor and pulled away from you. You took a large breath of relief for the space.
Generally, when it came to situations like this, where you were stuck around an angry man. You were, reasonably scared.
But this was Jeonghan. Yoon Jeonghan. He only hurt you when you wanted to be hurt. And he never hurt you over actual anger. You knew you were safe.
“I’m Yoon Jeonghan, and I fuck around. But… Fuck that shit, I only want to fuck you. I thought that we were past this. I thought you understood that.”
You were ripped from your thoughts at that, your eyes wide.
“That’s surprisingly intimate,” you joked. Jeonghan looked at you.
“Y/n, I’m sorry I lied to you about sleeping with other people,” Jeonghan said. He walked back over to you, placing his hands on your shoulders so that you had to look at him. “I didn’t sleep with anyone. Not since we established you couldn’t sleep with other people. I haven’t wanted to sleep with anyone else.”
Again, the scariest thing about Jeonghan was just how serious he was acting. You laughed.
“You sound like you’re about to confess your love to me,” you joked.
Jeonghan’s eyes didn’t leave yours, but they saddened a little bit. His lips pursed together into a thin line. The smile dropped from your face.
“Jeonghan-”
He looked away from you, his hands leaving his shoulders.
“Yes, at first it was just sex. I mean, really. What are the odds that we would find each other?” He asked. “How many people like to get spit on and have their face smacked? You like it when I rough you up. That’s crazy.”
You just stared at him, unsure of what to say. He didn’t look like he wanted you to say anything yet anyways.
“Yes, I’m jealous of the people that you get to spend time with,” Jeonghan said. “Stupid, fucking Seungcheol… I’m not jealous of Yeongtae because I’m scared that you are going to fuck him. I’m jealous because you two have an emotional attachment that we don’t have, and I was scared we would never have it.”
“Why would you want an emotional relationship with a fuck buddy?”
There was silence from Jeonghan, and he turned around to look at you. He had a sad look on his face.
“Y/n, Jeongyeon told me once… In passing, that you weren’t looking for a real relationship.” The air in the room was suddenly so heavy you felt like you needed to sit down. “Why not?”
Your heart skipped a beat, the implications seeming unreal.
“I just...” You tried to figure out the right words to say. Tried to figure out what you were thinking. “I haven’t needed that in my life. No one has proved to me that we would really work out.”
Jeonghan stared at you, and you stared back at him. There was something in his eyes. You were scared that Jeonghan was going to say something that you didn’t think you wanted to hear right now. You needed a distraction.
“Jeonghan.”
“Yeah?”
“I really… I really need you.”
“Fuck,” Jeonghan said, turning his body slightly away from you. “I’m trying to apologize to you, y/n.”
“Apology accepted,” you agreed. You lowered your hands to the hem of your shirt, dragging it off your body. Jeonghan groaned, covering his hand with his face.
“Y/n, I am not that strong. This is the longest I’ve gone without sex since high school,” he said. “Just let me…”
You walked over to him, unbuckling your bra as you walked. You let it drop to ground, knowing that he heard the sound. You grabbed Jeonghan by the collar of his sweater.
“Come on, Jeonghan. I know you need it just as bad as I do. You want me… I want you… The door is closed…”
You took Jeonghan’s hands, pressing them to your bare sides. His fingers obediently wrapped around your body. You dragged his hands up your body by his wrists.
“Come on,” you whined. “Didn’t you miss me? Don’t you want to use me?”
A groan left his mouth.
“You’re not being very good y/n.”
Jeonghan looked reasonably torn. You could tell he was trying to be mature and take this the right way and that scared you even more. Coming to this party you had expected to see Jeonghan flirting with other people, but here he was doing everything that he could to actually amend things with you and you couldn’t wrap your head around why.
“And what are you going to do about it?”
“Fuck it. But we’re talking after this.”
Jeonghan’s hand tightened around your body, and his other hand came to your hair. Braided to keep it hidden beneath your wig. A growl left Jeonghan’s mouth.
“Never braid your hair before seeing me. Ever again.”
He placed his hands square on your shoulders and pushed you back onto his bed.
“Unbraid your hair right now.”
You scrambled to pull the rubber bands out of your hair, your fingers running through the strands of your hair as you struggled to get them out of your braids. Jeonghan meanwhile was watching you, a dark look in his eyes as he practically ripped his shirt off of himself.
“If I don’t have something to pull-”
Just as you got the last bit of your hair untangled from the braid, Jeonghan was climbing on the bed, fingers hooked in your pants as he pulled them off your body. You didn’t have to be told what to do from there and immediately shimmied out of your panties, tossing them to the side and propping yourself up on your elbows, simply anticipating what Jeonghan was going to do next.
You couldn’t help how your body was buzzing just at being in this position again. Being in Jeonghan’s room, being naked in front of him. Normally, you would feel embarrassed, but you really seemed to have no shame when it came to Jeonghan.
“Fuck, look at you,” Jeonghan mumbled, his hands lowering down to his pants. His fingers hooked on his belt and he began to unbuckle it and you had to literally wipe drool from your lips. Fuck. “You are so fucking gorgeous.”
He tossed his belt to the side with a soft clang.
“And even though you are being so bad in distracting me with sex,” he said, unbuttoning his pants with a single flick of his thumb. “You are literally on bed waiting for me to do whatever the hell I want to you, aren’t you?”
You nodded, and you were burning so badly that your core hurt. You needed to be touched by Jeonghan. You couldn’t just lay there under his gaze and watch him get undressed. God, you needed to do something. Anything.
“I know how badly you want to touch yourself,” Jeonghan cooed, dropping his pants to ground. You swallowed hard, trying to keep your eyes on Jeonghan. “But I also know just how badly you need to be good for me. Isn’t that, right?”
Your face was blazing and you could feel your pussy beginning to drip wetness despite the fact that Jeonghan hadn’t even touched you yet.
“Go on y/n. I wouldn’t blame you if you had to play with your cunt while you waited for me to finally touch you,” he said. Your eyes widened slightly but he shot you down quickly. “No that’s not permission. You will get punished if you touch yourself. But I know that you really need to touch yourself. I’m just saying I won’t blame you for succumbing to your own desires.”
A smile flickered across his face.
“What will it be huh? Are you going to relieve yourself? Ease that feeling of desperation that’s just building up in your body?”
Jeonghan laughed at you and dropped his boxers down to the ground. You didn’t speak to him. Too afraid of what you were going to say. You were excited now, thinking that since his clothes were off you wouldn’t have to choose between being good or bad.
You were wrong.
As soon as Jeonghan had stepped out of his boxers he walked up to the edge of the bed, but instead of joining you on it, instead of throwing foreplay out the window and taking you right there, he stopped where his knees brushed the comforter.
He wrapped his fingers around his rock hard cock, groaning at his own touch.
“I love that you let me do anything to you,” he said. “What would you do if I told you that I wasn’t going to touch you at all? What if I told you that I was just going to look at you and get myself off and cum all over you and then just leave you? Make you sit there covered in my semen until I decided that I should touch you.”
He thought over that for a second.
“If I even decided to touch you.”
“Jeonghan-” You blurted, your eyes wide as panic seized your body. “You wouldn’t do that.”
Jeonghan gave his cock a pump.
“Are you sure about that?”
There was something sadistic in his eyes, and it made you second guess everything you knew about him.
“You wouldn’t even-” Your voice cracked. “You wouldn’t even touch me?”
You swallowed hard, unable to help yourself from spreading your legs out a little further.
“Didn’t you miss me at all?”
“I missed you so fucking much, y/n,” And as he spoke his voice grew deeper, shaky even. “That’s why I can’t touch you. I need you to need me as much as I need you.”
You felt yourself whimper at his words.
“I do. I do need you Jeonghan, d-don’t do this to me,” you blurted out desperately. Jeonghan mostly ignored you, his eyes threatening to flutter shut from the pleasure of even just slowly pumping his cock. You thought that him touching himself made it that much more cruel.
“I don’t know why you are complaining,” he commented. “All you have to do is misbehave. Are you really that scared of misbehaving in front of me?”
You nodded, squirming in place.
“Yes. Jeonghan, please,” you begged. “I don’t want to be bad, I want to be good, I want to be of good use to you.”
“You’re good use to me right now,” Jeonghan replied, the corners of his lips quirking up. “You’re so pretty to look at and so good at begging for me.”
A loud whine escaped your lips.
“Jeonghan,” your voice was tiny now, your fingers balled in Jeonghan’s comforter as you fought the urge to do what Jeonghan wanted you to do. You honestly thought that this was crueler than any kind of punishment he could and had ever given you. You couldn’t help the fact that tears were beginning to sprout out of the corners of your eyes.
You scrambled to your hands and knees, crawling to the edge of the bed. Jeonghan narrowed his eyes at you, but you stopped before you really hit bad territory.
“Jeonghan please, I’m not this strong,” you pleaded. You let your eyes grow wider, and tilted your head to the side, puffing out your chest. Jeonghan’s eyes darkened.
“Yeah?” He asked. You nodded, scooting forward more on your knees.
“I need you Jeonghan,” you agreed.
Jeonghan’s eyes fluttered shut and you thought for a second that you were screwed and not in the way that you wanted to be but just as your gaze dropped to the ground, you felt a hand gripping tightly in your hair.
Your head was jerked up and you came face to face with Jeonghan, his nose millimeters from yours. He smiled at you, his tongue briefly flicking across his teeth.
“You promise?” He asked you. Your eyes briefly furrowed and your gaze darted down to his lips. A beat passed and then suddenly you remembered that he had spoken to you. You tried to nod, but found you couldn’t move. You swallowed thickly.
“I promise,” you breathed. Jeonghan snorted.
“Liar.”
You opened your mouth to argue with Jeonghan but you suddenly got pushed back into the bed. Just as your head fell into the comforter Jeonghan was grabbing you by your thighs, pulling you to the edge of the bed. You propped yourself up on your elbows again, but just as you did that Jeonghan was pushing two of his fingers deep into you.
You felt your elbows collapse as soon as he curled his fingers inside of you. A loud desperate moan left your lips.
“You don’t need me,” Jeonghan admonished. He pulled his fingers from you, humming as he slipped his fingers into his mouth. “No, you just think you need me because you do whatever that pretty cunt tells you to.”
His hand came down on your clit, causing your body to jolt and your head to press harder into the bed.
“And your pretty little cunt will get wet for any man who promises to put his dick in you.”
You felt the tips of Jeonghan’s fingers brush your skin, and he slowly dragged his fingertips down your body.
“J-Jeonghan please,” you managed to get out as Jeonghan teasingly ran his fingers down your body. “Th-That’s not true. I-”
Jeonghan’s fingertips slid between your folds, and when he raised them up in front of you they were literally dripping. His head fell to the side.
“That’s not true? Because I’ve barely touched you and you’re soaked,” he pointed out. “You’re either a slut, or you need me so badly you just can’t help yourself, and we know that can’t be true.”
He didn’t leave room for that aspect of the conversation to continue because then he was pushing his wet fingers into your mouth. You desperately sucked at them, hoping maybe Jeonghan would be tempted to do more to you, but he pulled his fingers disappointingly fast from your lips.
His hands returned to your sides, dragging up to your breasts. He cupped your breasts in his hands, giving them a small squeeze. You arched your back into Jeonghan’s touch.
“Jeonghan, please,” you whimpered.
“What?” He asked innocently. “This isn’t good enough for you?”
Frustration bubbled in your chest at Jeonghan’s words.
“You know it isn’t,” you replied, unable to keep the bite off your tongue. Jeonghan hummed and pushed two fingers back into you without warning.
“What about this?” He asked. “Is this enough?”
You opened your mouth to respond- To tell him that no it wasn’t enough- but before you could Jeonghan was sharply pushing his fingers back into you forcing you to raise a hand to your mouth, biting down on it to keep more noise from leaving your lips.
“You know, I almost didn’t recognize you,” Jeonghan mumbled as he pressed his fingers deep inside of you. “You being there in that makeup, with that wig, in those clothes with Yeonjun? None of it made sense. Not after what happened.”
He shook his head.
“But I saw through it. Even though it didn’t make sense I knew it was you, I just got really thrown off by one thing.”
His free hand raised to your neck, his fingers splaying across it. You knew immediately what he was talking about.
“I’m sorry,” you blurted out. Your frustration gone now that Jeonghan was fucking you with his fingers “I don’t know why I got rid of-”
Before you could finish talking Jeonghan was pressing his hand to your mouth. He raised an eyebrow towards you in warning.
“I don’t care why you did it,” Jeonghan replied. You pressed your lips together and Jeonghan pulled his hand away from your face. “The question is can I replace them?”
You felt another wave of heat run through your body.
“Y-Yes,” you managed to get out. Jeonghan smiled.
“Are you sure?” He asked, his voice dropping a few octaves. “Because if I leave more marks on you I expect you to leave them this time.”
You nodded, craning your neck.
“Yes, I’ll leave them, I promise,” he bit out. “I fucking missed them, I regretted getting rid of them so much.”
It was true. Ever since you had successfully gotten rid of the marks, you had hated looking at yourself in the mirror. You missed the marks on your neck even if you had been upset about the whole Jeonghan situation.
Jeonghan didn’t argue with you over it. He leaned forward, the tips of his fingers pinching at your nipples as his lips attached to your neck. At first he just peppered soft little kisses to your neck as his hands kneaded your breasts. The further he leaned down however, the closer his hard cock got to you. You felt the tip of his cock brush your swollen clit and you bucked your lips up, chasing the friction.
“Y/n, I’ve never seen you so desperate,” Jeonghan said teasingly, his hot breath making your head press back against the bed harder. “You’re acting like you haven’t been touched in days.”
“I haven’t,” you breathed. Jeonghan’s teeth bit down on your neck, and then his warm tongue flicked across the spot, as if to soothe your neck after the bite. “I-I- haven’t even touched myself since I got with you.”
Jeonghan’s body shifted further and once again Jeonghan’s tip pressed against your clit. You wiggled your hips so that Jeonghan’s tip slipped between your folds. Both you and Jeonghan let out matching groans.
“Even when you’re mad at me you’re still mine, huh?” Jeonghan said his voice low. “You still need my cock to get yourself off. Can’t come without my permission to.”
You nodded your agreement but as you moved Jeonghan was biting down on your neck again.
“Beg me to fuck you,” Jeonghan breathed against you.
“Jeonghan,” you pleaded. “I really do n-need you. Your cock is the only one that I can be satisfied with. I just, fucking, need you. So badly I need you.”
“It’s s-so hard to resist you,” Jeonghan mumbled and you literally heard his voice crack. You knew normally you would get in trouble for grabbing Jeonghan but you couldn’t help it. You raised your hands to Jeonghan’s forearms, wrapping your fingers tightly around them. You could feel how tight his muscles were, presumably from the strain of not pushing his cock into you.
“Then don’t,” you breathed. Jeonghan laughed humorlessly, picking up at you from your neck.
“I’ve got to take my time with it today, baby,” he said softly and your whole body shivered at the word. He pulled away from you, ignoring the way your hands tightened around his arms as he did. “I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I never know when you are going to come around for me to fuck. I have to make the most of it.”
Jeonghan’s pulled back his cock, slipping from your folds and dragging a string of wetness from it. You felt tears prick at the corners of your eyes all over again. The frustration of not being fucked really building up in you.
He began to slide down your body, his mouth trailing kisses to your skin. Your toes curled as his lips trailed over your breasts, his teeth briefly nipping at you before continuing down your body.
“Jeonghan,” you cried out. You tried to move but Jeonghan pressed a hand to your pelvis, pinning you to the bed.
“You’re making it so much harder, to stop from fucking you,” Jeonghan groaned. His mouth came to a stop just above your clit and he started to press wet kisses to your thighs. So close to your pussy that his tongue was darting out to capture some of the wetness that had soaked your thighs. “I want to take you so fucking badly. Give you exactly what you are begging for.”
The tears slid down your cheeks.
“Pl-please.”
He finally wrapped his lips around your clit, sucking on it harder. You still tried your best to move under him, but it was pointless. You reached forward, your fingers burying in Jeonghan’s hair. As good as it felt to have him sucking on your clit, you were still desperate for any thing to be in your pussy. You fucking missed his fingers. You needed his cock.
Jeonghan’s mouth lowered and his tongue ran teasingly between your folds. You let out a wrecked sob, mixed in with a desperate moan and Jeonghan cooed lightly, his breath teasing your clit.
“Poor baby, you’re so desperate for me aren’t you?” He asked. You nodded.
“I’ve been so good Jeonghan,” you begged softly, your breath coming in hics. Jeonghan’s tongue dipped into your pussy and your fingers tightened in Jeonghan’s hair. Not pulling to get him to pull off of you. Just pulling because you couldn’t do anything else.
“You taste so good,” Jeonghan commented. “I could stay down here all day.”
Another cry left your lips and Jeonghan pulled his mouth off of you, sticking two of his fingers into your pussy. His head fell to this side.
“Look at me, y/n,” he said. You looked up at him, your eyes blurry from tears. He clicked his tongue. “Oh look at you. Do you really need cock that badly?”
You nodded and another hic left your lips. Jeonghan cooed at you and raised his body, pulling his fingers from you. He sucked his fingers into his mouth, and then, once they were clean, cupped your face in his hands.
“Don’t cry baby, I’ve got you.”
He slid his dick into you, making a relieved moan leave your lips. Your eyes fluttered shut as Jeonghan pushed himself fully into your pussy. You mewled loudly.
“Fuck, I can’t stand to be apart from you,” Jeonghan groaned. His hands lowered to the sides of your head and he pulled out before pushing hard back into you, your whole body shaking. You raised your hands to wrap around Jeonghan’s body.
“Th-Thank you, Jeonghan,” you breathed out. “But, pl-please, h-harder.”
“Harder?” Jeonghan’s voice was light, muddled with pleasure. “I’m trying to take my time. Really trying to savour this.”
“I know you want to use me,” you pleaded. “Like a slut right? Like your perfect little slut.”
Your fingers dug into Jeonghan’s back.
“I can take it, I can always take it. Stop holding back.”
Jeonghan’s hips stuttered and after recovering, his hips snapped, forcing his cock hard into you.
“Baby, I don’t think you can take it,” he said. “Look at you? Your mascara running, your face red. You can barely take my teasing. You think that you can take it if I fuck you the way I usually do?”
You nodded desperately.
“I can, I really can,” you insisted. “Please, I need it hard. I need to feel you take me. Own me.”
“Fuck,” Jeonghan groaned. “You little-”
He reached forward, his fingers capturing your chin between them.
“You don’t know what you are asking for,” he warned. You forced yourself to look at Jeonghan, your eyes wide.
“Jeonghan, I need you.”
Jeonghan lowered his hands to your neck, his fingers wrapping around them. His eyebrows raised as he stilled himself inside of you.
“What’s your safe word?”
You blurted it out, making Jeonghan laugh at your desperation.
“Good, fucking, girl.”
His fingers tightened around your neck and he began to fuck you fast, deep, and hard. It was a pace that you were familiar with but somehow it rocked your core even harder than it normally did. You felt it growning a little harder to breath as Jeonghan’s fingers tightened around your neck and a whine at the light-headed sensation was ripped from your body.
His fingers loosened at the whine, allowing you to gasp for a breath of air, but as soon as you did Jeonghan was tightening his grip on you all over again. You felt yourself clamp hard around Jeonghan’s dick as a wave of pleasure shot through your body. Your fingers clutched at Jeonghan’s back but just as they did Jeonghan raised his hand to your face, hitting you across it lightly.
“I’ve been letting you misbehave all day,” Jeonghan growled. “But if you want me to own you, you’re going to have to be good.”
His thumb swiped across your face.
“No touching.”
Your hands dropped to the bed, raising above your head. You arched your back, hoping for Jeonghan’s hands to return to your throat but he was much too focused now. You loved it when he became borderline animalistic. His hips were snapping into you, his lips curving up with every desperate cry of his name.
“You gonna tell me exactly how much you missed me?” Jeonghan asked. “Tell me about how I plagued your thoughts every day. How you can’t do anything but think about me and need me?”
You tried to find the words to talk back to Jeonghan, but you couldn’t find your voice no matter how hard you tried. Your silence earned you another slap which went right down to your core.
“God, you’re so pathetic,” he cooed. “So fucked out you can’t even find the words to respond to me. You always get like this eventually don’t you?”
“Only with you,” you managed to get out. Jeonghan lowered a hand to your clit and he began to messily rub it in circles.
“I know baby,” he said softly. “And you’re going to come just for me aren’t you? After all the teasing and the touching, you were able to hold back until just now. What do you think that makes you?”
“Good,” you blurted back. “I’ve been so good.”
Jeonghan’s lips flickered into a smile that you could just barely make out.
“You have been,” Jeonghan agreed. “So, fucking good for me.”
He shook his head.
“Even though you’re loud.” He gave you a particularly hard thrust. “Messy.” Another thrust. “Fucking shameless.”
He reached forward, pressing his forehead to yours.
“You are so fucking good. I fucking love-” His voice faltered before he quickly added: “Fucking you.”
Without warning you felt Jeonghan begin to unload himself into you, you screamed out in pleasure but Jeonghan cut you off by pressing his lips to yours.
“Come on baby, you have my permission,” Jeonghan mumbled against your lips. “Come for me, okay?”
You didn’t have to be prompted further. You didn’t care about being good. You raised your hands to Jeonghan’s neck, pressing him down further on you. Instead of screaming you focused on kissing Jeonghan, you whole body shaking as you came around his cock. As you were coming down from your orgasm, you felt Jeonghan pushing his cum deeper into your pussy.
Unfortunately for you, Jeonghan’s thrusts stopped, as soon as your grip on his neck loosened.
Jeonghan slipped his cock out of you, and a small whine left your lips. You covered your face with your hands finding both comfort and disappointment in the feeling of Jeonghan’s cum beginning to leak out of your pussy. Instead of immediately getting up to start a shower however Jeonghan wrapped his arms around your body, pulling your back flush to his chest and then proceeded to bury his face in your neck.
You let him hold you for a few minutes, focusing on his breath on your neck and the beating of his heart that you could feel against your back before finally speaking.
“Are you not going to start a shower?”
Jeonghan let out a humorless chuckle.
“I never thought there would be a day where you wanted a shower immediately after,” Jeonghan commented.
“It’s just uncharacteristic of you not to try,” you replied softly. Jeonghan was silent for a few seconds.
“It’s just I have to leave you to go start the shower,” Jeonghan said. You frowned at his words.
“And…?”
“And what if when I get back, you’re gone?”
Even as he spoke his arms were tightening their grip on you.
“Jeonghan I’m not going to leave,” you said softly. Jeonghan didn’t seem convinced. “Jeonghan-”
Jeonghan sighed.
“You’re right. I’m being selfish,” he said with a sigh.
He stayed still for a few more seconds, making you think for a moment that he hadn’t meant his words, but then he was pulling away from you.
Your first thought was that you shouldn’t have complained about him holding you. Now it was cold. And before when he was just holding you there was no need to address the situation you two were in at all.
“I’ll be right back,” he said softly. “Don’t go anywhere.”
He walked to the door and paused, looking at you before he left the room.
As soon as Jeonghan was gone you sat up in his bed, using your elbows to prop yourself up.
Just leaving while Jeonghan was gone hadn’t really been something on your mind until Jeonghan mentioned it, but thinking about it know you didn’t think it was a bad idea. After all, you still had a lot to think about.
Had Jeonghan really been unwilling to sleep with anyone who wasn’t you? Or had he known you were there to watch the whole time?
You swung your legs over the side of Jeonghan’s bed, and shakily got to your feet. You looked around the room trying to find your clothes but then you remembered your shopping trip with Jeonghan. You wandered around Jeonghan’s room, trying to see if maybe he had just thrown the bag somewhere.
You were about to give up hope when the brief thought to look in his closet. You pulled open the door, a small frown flickering across your face. At first the closet looked the same as it usually did, but then you noticed something odd about the clothes hanging to the right.
They were the ones that he had bought for you. Your frown deepened as you moved the hangers trying to see if you were right and you were. He had taken the time to hang up every piece of clothing he had bought for you.
Why would he hang up the clothes? Take up space in his own personal closet, just for some person he was sleeping with.
Your thoughts briefly flickered back to what Jeonghan had been trying to tell you before you had distracted him with sex but before you could think about it too much, Jeonghan’s door was creaking open again.
You saw him peak at the bed, a disappointed look crossing his face before you cleared your throat. His eyes flickered to yours and his head fell to the side. Without a word he walked over to the closet and grabbed one of his own shirts. He looked at you.
“Hands up,” he said softly. You did as you were told and Jeonghan slid his shirt onto you. He gave you a small smile and then quirked his head.
“Come on.”
Jeonghan led you to the bathroom, even though it really wasn’t necessary. You thought maybe it was because he genuinely was worried that you would leave. The shower was already running, and you expected Jeonghan to leave once you were inside, but instead he closed the door behind you two. You gave him a questioning look, but he just shrugged, raising a hand to his neck and glancing away from you.
“I thought maybe you would like some help.”
“Jeonghan, I don’t need help to take a shower,” you said. Jeonghan closed the distance between you two, his fingers coming to the hem of his shirt. His fingers briefly brushed your skin before he lifted the shirt back over your head. Once he had dropped the shirt on the floor he raised his hands to your hair, briefly brushing his fingers through it.
“I’ve always wanted to brush your hair,” he said softly. Your face burned hot under the attention. You rolled your eyes and cleared your throat.
“You’re really not going to take no for an answer,” you said with a sigh. Jeonghan’s eyes widened softly, and he pulled his hand away from you.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured. You pressed your lips together.
“Don’t be,” you mumbled. “I know my safe word.”
You stepped away from Jeonghan to step into the shower. You didn’t know how Jeonghan did it, but he always managed to have the shower at the right temperature.
“You can join me,” you said.
Jeonghan smiled.
“Well only if, you’re sure.”
He waited for your nod and vocal confirmation:
“I’m sure.”
Jeonghan climbed into the shower with you, but his focus was surprisingly on getting you clean. He had grabbed a clean washcloth from under the sink before getting in and he immediately put some soap on it to start running over you. You narrowed your gaze at the fruit scented soap you had never noticed before.
“One of your sluts leave that?” You asked. Jeonghan’s hand stilled from where it was rubbing soap suds onto your body. He looked up at you, raising an eyebrow.
“Well, it’s not Chaedom’s.”
You frowned at him, making him sigh.
“I bought it for you,” he said with a roll of his eyes. “As much as I liked you smelling like my body wash, you also smelled like every other boy in Alpha Mu.”
He focused back on cleaning you off, not elaborating on why he saw that as a problem. Not that you really needed him to elaborate. In all of your relationships, you had never taken a shower with anyone. Building on that, you had never had anyone touch you so gently.
Jeonghan was so focused too. Even though his hands were all over you it was clear he wasn’t trying to turn you on at all. Even though, him being so gentle was turning you on.
Jeonghan crouched down, rubbing your ankles with soap. You watched him for a second and then crouched down as well. Jeonghan looked up at you in surprise, his wet strands of hair falling in his face. You smiled at him and brushed the strands out of his face.
“You’re so weird Jeonghan,” you said softly. His eyes widened at your words. “Why are you being so gentle?”
“It’s after care,” Jeonghan responded as if it was obvious. You gave him a half-annoyed look.
“Even washing me is more after care than you normally give me.”
“Before I was scared of my feelings,” Jeonghan said. He thought about that for a second. “And yours.”
He cleared his throat and looked away from you.
“Besides, this might be the last time I see you. I want to make the most of it.”
Your heart hurt a little to hear Jeonghan say that, but you tried to push down the feeling.
“You worried about not having a pussy to creampie?” You asked, trying to keep the mood light. You laughed. “You gonna miss having someone who loves to be degraded by you so much?”
“I do love how you always do what I say,” Jeonghan replied, a smile flickering across his lips. “But you’re also the same girl who knows what she wants. Turned down Chan and threw a drink in Yeongtae’s face. All for me.”
You rolled your eyes.
“I turned down Chan to turn down Chan, not for you.”
“But you did turn down Yeongtae for me.”
You turned your eyes away from him, making Jeonghan sigh. He raised his hands to your face, turning you towards him. He stared at you for a few moments, his eyes flickering down to your lips before he reached over, putting some face wash in his hands. You groaned as Jeonghan start to lather the soap into your face. You let yourself fall back onto the floor of the shower, light-heartedly swatting away Jeonghan’s hands.
“Why’re you being so thorough?” You whined. Jeonghan just smiled, waiting for you to stop talking so that he could dip your head back under the flow of the water. He rubbed his fingers a little over your face until he was satisfied that all the soap was off of your face. He pulled your head back and grabbed a brush.
You groaned, but he ignored you starting to work the brush through your hair.
“Jeonghan you don’t need to be so thorough,” you insisted. Jeonghan just scoffed.
“Maybe I should have been helping you all this time. It seems that you were cutting corners,” Jeonghan mumbled.
“You know what’s nicer than a shower?” You asked Jeonghan. “Your bed. You have such a nice bed.”
Jeonghan rolled his eyes.
“You’re aging me,” he commented. He reached around to grab what you assumed was shampoo, He set the brush down and began to massage it into your scalp. You figured arguing with Jeonghan further was pointless, so you finally fell silent, resting your head on your hand while he cleaned your hair.
You watched Jeonghan’s eyes as he worked the soap into your hair, making sure to coat your whole scalp and get it even in the ends of your hair. His lips were quirked slightly up as he watched his own hands work through your hair. He was giving off such a strange aura.
“Y/n, you’re so beautiful,” Jeonghan mumbled. “More beautiful than anyone I’ve ever slept with.”
You didn’t want to humor him, so you didn’t respond to Jeonghan’s words. He didn’t mind.
“Do you remember the first time we met?” Jeonghan asked. You frowned slightly.
“Yeah, at the-”
“Not the party,” Jeonghan said with a shake of his head. “Freshmen orientation. I slept with your roommate.”
Your eyebrows furrowed, and you tried to catch Jeonghan’s eyes. It was pointless, he was too focused on your hair.
“We didn’t meet freshman orientation,” you denied. As you spoke, Jeonghan tilted your head back under the stream of water.
“Well, not entirely. I met your roommate immediately. The first few hours of freshman orientation and as soon as we got there, we skipped the first meeting to fuck in your dorm. You came in just after we had finished. You didn’t bat an eye. You were so nonchalant. You turned your back while your roommate got dressed and you two practically got to know each other while I just sat there and watched.”
Jeonghan laughed.
“And then you two just left me. You didn’t say a word to me.”
Jeonghan pulled your head forward again and then started to put conditioner in your hair.
“You never gave me the attention I wanted from you. Not then, and it drove me crazy. That whole weekend I was trying to get your attention without getting your attention.”
Jeonghan shrugged.
“Nothing. And then freshman orientation ended, and I thought I would never see you again.”
His fingers got caught in a knot in your hair and his eyebrows furrowed. He focused in on it.
“But we’ve had a few lectures together here and there. You make friends so easily. I just watched from afar.”
Jeonghan pushed your head back again under the stream of the water.
“Only at parties when you were forced to them by Jeongyeon. Never drinking when you did go. Nothing ever seems to phase you.”
Finally, Jeonghan’s eyes flickered to yours. You pressed your lips together, just taking in what Jeonghan had to say. You weren’t really sure what to think of all of this, but you forced yourself to stay in the moment. Just focus.
“When I say that I crave you, I mean it in a way you will never fully understand. I have wanted you since day one, but I have waited for you, and I never thought that I would have the chance to be with you.”
Jeonghan’s hands left your hair to cup your face with his hands. His eyes flickered to his thumbs that brushed over your cheek bones to your lips, your nose, and then back up to your eyes.
“And then I found you in my room and you were more amazing than I had ever imagined you would be.”
A sad look flickered over his face.
“I’m sorry I lied.”
“It’s okay,” you said softly. Jeonghan’s hands fell from your face, and he looked away from you.
“It’s not okay,” he replied. He cleared his throat and stood up. He leaned out of the shower and grabbed a towel, holding it out for you to walk into. You got back to your feet and did what you knew he wanted you to. He wrapped the towel around your body, and you turned around to look at him still standing in the shower. He pressed his lips together into a thin smile.
“I’m going to wash myself off. If you’re in my room when I get back, we’ll talk just a little bit more before we sleep okay?”
You opened your mouth, wanting to say something but no words left your lips. You didn’t know what today. You just nodded and did as he said.
Once you were in Jeonghan’s room your mind was racing and you were faced with your least favorite conflict of the mind. The choice between fight or flight.
You could leave now. Jeonghan was giving you the chance to leave, having already said what you assumed were the things he believed were most important to get out. If you left now you had a lot to think about.
Well, you had a lot to think about either way.
If you stayed, you could really talk through your feelings with Jeonghan. If you trusted him, you could really get some answers that you needed.
You thought for a while, drying your hair as you thought about what clothes to put on. You liked that Jeonghan had bought you all these clothes to wear while you were over but… Nothing hit quite like wearing one of his freshly washed shirts.
You put aside the thought and put on the pajamas he had gotten for you.
As you wrapped your hair in the towel that you had been left with you thought over the most important question in your mind.
Did you trust Jeonghan?
Could you trust Jeonghan?
It was a bit ironic that you weren’t really sure if you could considering you had done nothing but trust Jeonghan up until this moment. You trusted him not to hurt you. You trusted him to not tell others too much about what you two did. You even trusted that he wasn’t lying to you about the people that he was sleeping with.
Maybe that’s why it was a bit hard to trust him now.
You looked to where you had dropped your phone on Jeonghan’s floor when you first got in the room and you picked it up. There was a good way to test the validity of what Jeonghan had said.
You searched your contacts for the name of your freshman orientation roommate and let out a breath of relief when you found you still had it.
The phone rang only twice before Geumseong answered the phone.
“Hello? Y/n? Is everything alright?”
You pressed your lips together.
“Hi, yeah, no I’m fine I just… I had a weird question,” you replied. You gave it a seconds pause and then said: “Do you remember sleeping with anyone at freshman orientation?”
“Oh god, of course I do,” Geumseong replied. “That was the best sex that I’ve ever had in my life.”
“Do you remember…?”
“Yoon Jeonghan,” Geumseong said without much of a thought at all. “Fucking shame, he doesn’t sleep with anyone twice.”
You felt your heart pounding in your throat.
“Are you sure?” You asked, your voice kind of airy. Geumseong hummed a confirmation.
“How could I forget?” She asked. You sat there trying to figure out what exactly you were going to say back, but just then the door to Jeonghan’s room opened and Jeonghan appeared. To his credit, he look surprised.
“Okay, well, that was all I needed to ask. Thanks,” you said into your phone. “We should get together sometime.”
“We should!” Geumseong agreed. “I’ll call you later this week.”
The line between you and Geumseong disconnected and you dropped your phone to your lap. Jeonghan raised an eyebrow at you.
“So, you want to talk?”
“Let’s say I believe that you’ve liked me since freshmen year.” You did. Geumseong was practically undeniable proof. "Why did you never approach me?"
"Y/n, you’re too good for me.”
You blinked.
“Huh?”
Jeonghan turned away from you to get changed into pajama pants.
“I’ve never settled for anyone in my life,” Jeonghan replied. He turned around when he was dressed. “I just knew I was going to end up breaking your heart.”
Your eyebrows furrowed even further.
“So then why did you…?”
“Ever fuck with you?” Jeonghan finished. He closed the distance between you two and for a second you thought he was going to kiss you. Instead, he brushed past you, sitting on his side of the bed. “I’m selfish. You were right in front of me, and you wanted me. I honestly thought that maybe fucking with you would get you out of my system.”
Jeonghan laughed.
“I’m stupid,” he concluded. “You just became that much more irresistible to me.” He seemed to think for a few moments. “Did you ever wonder why I decided to retire to my room that night at the party?”
You thought about it for a moment.
“No,” you replied, but now that he brought it up, it was a bit odd.
“I was so angry that Jun introduced you to Chan. Would he have been good to you? Undoubtedly. But I wanted you. I couldn’t stop thinking about you two and looking over at you talking. Then you disappeared and I thought you were in Chan’s room…”
Jeonghan didn’t have to go on.
“Okay, so then why lie to me about being with other girls?” You pressed. Jeonghan sighed.
“I don’t know what it is about you, but you drive me crazy. I think about you all the time. Seeing you with other men when I want you is absolutely infuriating but you?” Jeonghan laughed airily. “It drove me crazy that you kept saying you didn’t care if I slept with other people. I needed you to be obsessed with me the way I was obsessed with you. So I lied.”
You glanced over at Jeonghan to find that this whole time he had been talking he had been staring at you. When your eyes met he looked away from you.
“And I kept lying because I thought that maybe the longer it went on, the further it got, then you would start to feel the same way I do,” Jeonghan stated. “But I think that I just ended up emotionally detaching you more.”
You didn’t respond because again you were at a loss for words. You didn’t think anyone had ever liked you as much as Jeonghan was making it seem like he did. Building off of that you had never thought anyone would ever like you as much as Jeonghan was claiming to.
And yet, here you were.
Jeonghan seemed to sense your internal struggle.
“You should sleep,” Jeonghan said softly. “Do you want me to sleep on the floor?”
It seemed Jeonghan just couldn’t stop surprising you.
“What? No. It’s your room, your bed-”
Jeonghan raised his hands in the air.
“Just want to give you space if you want it. Go to sleep then, okay?”
You didn’t think that you could fall asleep after this conversation with Jeonghan, but regardless you nodded.
“Right.” You laid down in his bed, taking note of the fact that he was pressed as far on his side of the bed as he could get. “Good night.”
“Good night,” he echoed.
But you couldn’t sleep. Minutes turned into hours and Jeonghan’s breath evened to the point where you knew that he was asleep. You propped yourself up on your elbows and looked over at his sleeping body. You thought carefully over his confession, running his words on repeat through your head.
Fuck, why was this so confusing?
He was in love with you. Well, he hadn’t said it in those exact words but you could feel it anyways. Looking back he had been fairly obvious about it. Every time he was with you, every time he held you, every time he kissed you he did it all as if it would be the last time he ever got to.
You knew how you should feel in this situation. You should feel relieved, and excited but your brain just refused to accept what Jeonghan was telling you as the truth.
It wasn’t because he had lied to you about sleeping with other people, even though you had made a big deal about it. You made a big deal about it because it didn’t make sense. Now you knew why he did it. Now it made sense. Even if it felt unreal.
Your lips pressed together as you watched Jeonghan. You kept having this feeling like everything was super complicated when in reality it wasn’t.
(I did not edit this picture. Weverse literally just dropped it and I’m so lazy)
Title: Pathetic
Part one of the Pathetic series
Summary:
When your best friend Jeongyeon drags you to a frat party, you aren’t expecting much. Certainly not to be fucked dumb by notorious man whore Yoon Jeonghan, but hey, what happens at a frat party, stays at a frat party.
Simplified tags: 6k words, Porn with Plot, frat boy!Jeonghan, college student!y/n, best friend!Jeongyeon, soft!dom to hard!dom Jeonghan, mean!Jeonghan (and y/n loves it), submissive!y/n, female!y/n (sorry gender-neutral friends), heavy degradation, light masochist!y/n, sadist!Jeonghan, mild pain kink, vaginal fingering, creampie, spitting, slapping, big dick!Jeonghan, blowjob, mentions of aftercare but I don’t write it happening he just says what he’ll do
Warnings: This fic is filthy, dub con (I personally think that the consent is explicit enough but I’m tagging it this way just to be careful since it is intense), Jeonghan is a fiend. There is spitting, a creampie, degredation, like Jeonghan calls you pathetic. You thank him for him treating you like trash. There is after care but there is also light slapping, I’m serious this is literally the filthiest thing I have ever written. I’m embarrassed to have written it, and I hope that the five people who like things like this enjoy it. Jeonghan starts off as a soft!dom, but quickly turns to a hard!dom
I have this… secret blog that I wrote one story on cause I was embarrassed by it and didn’t want it to be on this blog and on that blog I asked if anyone wanted this kind of fic and I had like twelve people like the post so here we go.
-
“Really Jeonghan? Another fling that you just dropped for no reason?” Seungcheol asked, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. Jeonghan hummed as he placed another lego block together, glancing over at the instructions for the house that he was building.
Well, you know what? All I was thinking about while reading this and enjoying every part of it was Lana Del Rey's Ride monologue
Pretty fitting, huh? She probably was referring to riding Jeonghan's dick
No but seriously, am I in touch with my darkest fantasies? After reading your fic I can proudly state HELL YES 🫠🤭 but I haven't yet created a life where I can experience it but STILL awwwww now I have some kind of best case senario reference 🥴
I'm so happy you created a whole series around pathetic jeonghan and pathetic reader because I LOVE THEM SM already!!!
Also I 😂😂😂😂😂 at the Jeongyeon x Jimin infamous beef mention
OVA for the Pathetic series because I love you guys soooo much.
Summary:
You and Jeonghan decide to move in together. But the problem with all of that is actually finding a place to move in together.
Warnings: Dubcon as per usual with this series, jealous!yn for once, slightly clueless jeonghan, rough sex, degradation, humiliation kink, slightly public sex, creampie because lowkey between us I think Jeonghan is trying to lock y/n down for real for real, no aftercare but eh, other things? probably
-
Happy late two year anniversary to the release of Pathetic and my descent to hell for bringing this series to life. I wanted to write a very fun nonsensical random “beach-episode” but the fleeting thought of writing a part where y/n and jeonghan move in together led me to relasing a poll to sneakily figuring out what y’all would prefer and after my preferred idea got completely crushed in the poll you all LOST YOUR CHANCE AT PUBLIC BEACH SEX OKAY? Y/n and Jeonghan could have gotten sand everywhere and had sex on the beach behind a rock or something but you all lost that chance OKAY *distant sobbing*
-
It was stupid to be jealous.
So, so, so stupid to be jealous.
“As you can see, there are really nice porches in this series of units,” the property manager said, her voice airy. Her fingers dragged across Jeonghan’s skin, drawing his attention away from the closet that he had been peaking at.
She slid open the glass door to the porch that she had been talking about and then took a step onto it.
“I mean, this obviously won’t be your view, but the porch is a nice size.”
Jeonghan took a step out onto the porch with her, and you resisted the urge to scream in the closet that Jeonghan had just been looking at.
“I don’t really know how much we’d use a porch…” Jeonghan mumbled. He looked out at the other apartments, seeming to skim over the view. The lady next to him had all of her attention on him, and once again she was using his concentration on the actual tour she was supposed to be leading as a way to get closer to him.
The problem with Jeonghan was that when you two started and he was obsessed with figuring out if you liked him and also making you like him, he was always keenly aware of the way that his interactions with other people made you feel.
He was able to tell when you were jealous and usually, he was keenly aware of why you would be so. But ever since you two got together and he stopped caring about flirting with other people, he seemed to forget that people still wanted to flirt with him.
And that when it came down to it: You were just a person, who hated when people flirted with your stupidly attractive boyfriend.
“What do you think y/n?” Jeonghan asked, turning his attention to you and ripping you back into the present. You forced a smile on your face, but Jeonghan seemed to notice that something was wrong with you.
“It would be cool to have a porch,” you said, as Jeonghan stepped back into the apartment. Worry was spread over his face, but you waved off his concern. That, of course, didn’t stop him from coming to your side, his hand finding itself to the small of your back.
“Yeah, but for this price point…” Jeonghan mumbled. The property manager stepped back inside the apartment, sliding the door closed. She seemed a bit disgruntled by his quick escape.
“This apartment is completely worth the price,” she insisted. She looked between you and Jeonghan, an annoyed expression on her face. “I mean, it’s perfect for a bachelor like you.”
Your nails pressed harder into the palm of your hand.
“Well, the porch would be good if we wanted to try at more public sex,” you stated bluntly. “And there’s a lot of different places where you could fuck me here. The countertops in the kitchen would be good for it.”
Both the relator and Jeonghan were silent at your comment, which would have been completely humiliating if it weren’t for the way that Jeonghan’s fingers stretched across your back.
At least he was amused.
“It’s a shame we aren’t alone,” he commented after a few moments. “I would love to break the place in.”
You were a bit petty… You looked up to see the look on the realtors’ face, only to find that her face was beet red. A smile flitted over your lips.
The apartment was a nice apartment, but all the apartments that you had been to were nice. They all had their pros, and their cons. Workout rooms, large bathrooms, spacious closets, in-unit laundry.
You groaned once you and Jeonghan were back in the Alpha Mu house, burying your face into his back.
“I hate this,” you mumbled softly. “I don’t want to move.”
Jeonghan hummed, raising his free hand to your head. He began to card his fingers soothingly through your hair, but his other hand was focused on playing a game of crossy roads.
“It’s all this effort to pack up boxes, just to unpack the boxes and it’s just too much work,” you complained lightly. Jeonghan hummed.
“It is a lot of work for nothing,” he agreed. “I mean, why move in anyways? We should just live in our various places and overpay for rent forever instead of just living together.”
A frown crossed your lips, and you looked over at Jeonghan. He looked up from his game.
“I mean we can just spend alternating weekends at each other’s places,” Jeonghan continued. “You like being kept up by Alpha Mu parties, right? You enjoy spending every weekend jealous because of all the drunk party goers flirting with me?”
“I don’t spend every weekend jealous,” you mumbled. “That’s such a stupid thing to say.”
Jeonghan hummed and turned his attention back to his game, his fingers continuing to brush through your hair.
“Then you’re better than me,” Jeonghan mumbled. “I’m tired of Mingyu dazzling you with breakfasts, and Jun asking you for relationship advice. We need our own space.”
You shifted your body so that your legs were crossed in front of you, and you were looking at Jeonghan face to face. He looked up at you, once again risking his game score for your attention.
“I’m just tired of browsing,” you mumbled.
“Our relator just wants to show us one more place,” Jeonghan said, his hand sliding down your face to cup your chin. “One more apartment tour. One more apartment complex.”
“And that’s another thing,” you complained. “Why is one person showing us multiple apartments? That’s not normal.”
“It’s because all of the places we have looked at have been under one management company,” Jeonghan replied calmly. “You don’t like Dana?”
Again. It sucked to have a boyfriend who was now blind to the flirting of others.
“She’s a bit touchy,” you grumbled. Amusement flickered across Jeonghan’s face, and his head fell to the side.
“Someone is sounding toxic,” he teased lightly.
“Me?!” You protested, slapping Jeonghan’s hand away. “You were just saying-”
Jeonghan interrupted you by pressing forward, his thumb raising back to your chin to pull you into a soft, but brief kiss. You sighed.
“You can’t-”
He interrupted you again with another kiss, a very clear smile on his face. He pulled away again- Too early for the kiss to be completely appreciated. You forced yourself to focus and pull away from Jeonghan, but he kept a hold of your chin.
“It’s just one more apartment,” he assured. “And it has everything that we have been looking for. In-unit washer and dryer, a complimentary gym that’s really close to our unit, it has an extra room for an office, a porch…”
As Jeonghan spoke his voice was soothing, and he pressed small kisses across your chin.
“A porch for me to fuck you on,” Jeonghan teased. “Even though I’m starting to suspect you just said that for attention.”
You let out a small sigh, your head rolling back, allowing Jeonghan to place kisses down your neck. He lightly nipped at the skin just above your collarbone.
“You know if you want to just grab me and kiss me passionately whenever you are in front of someone that is flirting with me, you are completely free to do so,” he continued, completely ruining your mood. You pressed Jeonghan back by his forehead.
“I have to go study with Yeongtae,” you stated bluntly. Jeonghan groaned, dramatically falling back as if you had pushed him that hard.
“You’re going to abandon your poor boyfriend-”
“Yes,” you interrupted him with a roll of your eyes. You began to get to your feet, but before you could go far Jeonghan had your wrist. He gave you a small tug and you stumbled down to your hands and knees, conveniently catching yourself on top of him.
Jeonghan seemed to be ignorant of how lucky he had been that his trap had worked so well. Your hair fell around your face, and Jeonghan reached up to tug lightly at one of your strands.
“See we won’t have to worry about this once we move in together,” he said. His hand snaked around your body, and he grabbed your hips. “Because if it were our apartment, I certainly wouldn’t be letting you go without reminding you whose you are.”
Your face burned bright red.
“You know I know whose I am.”
The tips of Jeonghan’s fingers dipped beneath the waistband of your pants.
“I reserve the right to remind you anyways,” he said lightly. He pinched you and you obediently dipped your head, letting him pull you into a deep kiss. His fingers raised to your hair, pressing down on the back of your head so that you were completely locked in.
You let him lead the kiss for about thirty seconds before lightly tapping his cheek. He broke the contact.
“Have fun studying,” he said lightly, his grip on you loosening enough for you to pull away.
“I’ll try,” you said.
-
“So… How’s the apartment hunting going?” Yeongtae asked as you distractingly tapped your pencil against the table you too had set up at. You looked up at him, a frown spread across your face.
“I’m trying to focus,” you complained.
“You’re tapping the Friends theme song,” Yeongtae replied. You sighed, setting your pencil down.
“I’m a bit anxious about it,” you admitted softly. Yeongtae closed the textbook that he had been pretending to read.
“What about it?” He asked you, matching your tone of voice.
“Well…” You let your head fall to the side. “I’ve never lived with someone I was dating before.”
“Cause you’ve barely dated anyone,” Yeongtae agreed. “That makes sense.”
You ignored the comment.
“I mean, is it going to be weird? We aren’t going to have as much time away from each other. What if he realizes he doesn’t like something about me? Like, Jeonghan is really clean. What if I’m too messy for him?”
Voicing them out loud your concerns felt less detrimental.
“You’re worried about being too… Messy?” Yeongtae asked. You bit down on the bottom of your lip.
“The lease is a yearlong lease,” you said instead, trying to insinuate what you didn’t want to say. “That’s at least a yearlong commitment.”
Yeongtae just stared at you.
“Jeonghan hasn’t ever been in a relationship for that long, and if we were to…” You didn’t want to say it. “I mean would he just go back to his old ways?”
You could imagine it now. One of you moving into the office he was so insistent you two have, and having to sit in your room, earbuds in your ears, doing your best to drown out the sounds of whoever would replace you.
“Y/n, you’re so stupid,” Yeongtae murmured. “You know full well that Jeonghan is absolutely obsessed with you.”
You narrowed your gaze and tapped the table in irritation.
“Obsession doesn’t last forever Yeongtae,” you replied. “In fact, I would argue that obsession is much more fleeting than other emotions.”
“Fleeting?” Yeongtae repeated in disbelief. “Didn’t he tell you he’s been in love with you since he saw you at freshmen orientation?”
You sighed your response and Yeongtae gave you an apologetic expression.
“I hate to say it, but your issues have transcended past genuine concerns because your situationship is lying about sleeping with other people and has transformed into just another issue,” Yeongtae stated. “Everyone in relationships have these worries. Moving in with someone you haven’t even officially been with for a year can be a gamble. But… I mean this is Jeonghan we are talking about.”
Right, of course. This was Jeonghan you two were talking about. As much as you hated to admit it. Jeonghan was the same person who had pinned over you from afar for years. As impatient as he was- If you told him your reservations seriously Jeonghan would definitely agree to postpone your move-in until you were more comfortable.
This was just undeniably more convenient than the latter.
With Jeongyeon moving in soon with Jimin, and Yeongtae still living on campus for some reason, your choices in roommates were slim. And Jeonghan was tired of living at Alpha Mu. The frat house was after all a frat house. He was getting too old to stay there, and he was practically itching for a reason to move out.
You sighed, letting your head roll to the side a bit. You were just overthinking for overthinking’s sake, and you knew that was true.
“I’m getting tired of you calling me stupid all the time,” you mumbled.
“I’ll stop calling you stupid when you stop being stupid,” Yeongtae replied pointedly. You crumbled up a piece of paper and tossed it at Yeongtae’s head.
“Focus on your work.”
-
“Great! You’re going to really love this unit,” Dana said excitedly. She clapped her hands together and then bounced up to her toes, tapping Jeonghan lightly on the face. His eyes flashed at the sudden touch, and he recoiled a bit. She completely ignored his surprise.
“I’ll just…” She turned away from Jeonghan, her tongue clicking lightly. “Oh… I left the papers at the office.” Her eyes flitted back up to Jeonghan, her eyes wide.
You rolled your eyes at the little helpless look on her face.
“If you two wait it’ll only take me like… Twenty minutes to get the papers and come back,” she said. You looked up in time to see her fingers touching Jeonghan’s wrist. This time Jeonghan was hyper aware of it. His eyebrows strewn a little in frustration and he pulled his hand away.
“Don’t worry,” she assured. “Just stay here and I’ll be back.”
You might has well have not been in the room. Jeonghan gave her a small nod, and then she was scurrying out the door. You two were silent for a few seconds, and you tapped your finger against the kitchen counter.
“It’s too bad this isn’t marble…”
“Oh my god,” Jeonghan blurted, completely ignoring the way that you were trying to derail his thoughts. “That’s what all this is about?”
You let your eyes shut a little.
“Okay, well honestly marble wasn’t a defining feature, but it is nice-”
“Why didn’t you just tell me you were jealous of the realtor?” Jeonghan laughed. You pouted a little.
“Why were you so blind to the way that she was so obviously flirting with you?” You shot back. He laughed again, and walked towards you, trapping you against the countertop. He leaned forward, his head dipping towards yours.
“Y/n, you know that you’re the only one that I want to be with,” he said softly. Your face burned, and you turned your gaze away from him.
“Yeah, but she doesn’t,” you grumbled back. Jeonghan hummed, and he dipped his head a bit, his lips pressing small kisses to your neck. Obviously intent on distracting you like he always did. And you would be lying if you said that it wasn’t working at least a little bit. “Jeonghan…”
“What?” Jeonghan cooed against your neck.
“What are you doing?” you asked, your voice coming out in a bit of a whine.
Jeonghan pressed a kiss to the dip in your neck.
“Reminding my girlfriend that she’s my girlfriend,” he replied. He pressed back a little. “You don’t want to be reminded?”
The grab for consent was obvious. Your eyes darted towards the door.
“We’re not…”
“We have plenty of time,” Jeonghan pointed out, but as he spoke, he pulled back a bit. “But if you really just want to wish that the countertops were marble-”
Before Jeonghan could say more, you grabbed his face, locking him into a deep kiss. Jeonghan was quick to wedge the tip of his thumb between your lips, pressing you back. He gave you a stern look.
“Use your words y/n,” he said, his voice dropping a few octaves. Your face burned at the way his thumb was pulling at your bottom lip.
“I could use some reminding,” you agreed softly. Jeonghan hummed, a self-satisfied smile crossing his lips.
“So, you’re saying…” His thumb pressed at your lip harder, until you dipped your head a bit, allowing his thumb to slip into your mouth. “That you want me to fuck you?”
Your eyes found a spot on the floor.
“Yes… I want you to fuck me,” you admitted, and Jeonghan’s thumb slipped fully into your mouth. You closed your lips around it, sucking on it the way you knew he wanted you to. But still he gasped as if you had said something scandalous.
“Here?” He hissed. “In some random apartment that we are walking around?”
You squeezed your eyes shut in embarrassment, but it just made Jeonghan laugh softly. He pulled his thumb out of your mouth with a pop, and smeared spit across your face.
“Get up on the counter,” he said. You scrambled up onto the counter as soon as he told you to, so when Jeonghan suddenly slapped you, you were surprised.
“Why did you do that?” You asked suddenly, as if the hit didn’t immediately make your thighs press together in excitement. Jeonghan placed his hands on your thighs, and leaned in so close to you that you could feel his hot breath on your lips. Your eyes fluttered shut in anticipation.
“Because I know you like it,” Jeonghan replied. You felt him move back a little bit, his hands raising to your waist. He fumbled with the buttons on your pants. “Hold on tight.”
Your fingers tightened on the edge of the counter as Jeonghan pulled your pants to your ankles. You wiggled nervously as his hand rubbed over your thighs, pushing them farther apart, your panties now hanging off of your ankle. You let out a small grunt as he grabbed you by the hips, fully moving your body so that you were in a more convenient location for him.
He slapped a hand down on your thigh once you were in a position he liked, and you moaned as pain shot through your body.
“J-Jeonghan,” you whimpered, unsure of exactly what you wanted to say. He ignored you, pushing apart your legs and shoving two fingers roughly into your pussy. You cried out, and the reaction made Jeonghan snicker.
“Y/n, you don’t want someone to hear you, do you?” He asked condescendingly. Just as you went to respond he shoved his fingers even deeper into you and you swore it was deeper than his fingers had ever gotten before. You moaned, a small shriek on your lips.
“Fuck Jeonghan!”
“We have neighbors now,” Jeonghan chided. He started to cruelly pace his fingers, shoving them deep inside of you and crooking you once they were so deep that it elicited a scream from your lips. “Do you really want our brand-new neighbors to know that you are a filthy whore?”
You let out a soft cry, raising a hand to your face and weakly clamping your hand over your mouth.
Jeonghan hummed, a bit displeased it seemed, and he slapped your thigh again so hard that it jostled your entire body.
“Pick a lane y/n. Do you want the relator to know that you are my little whore, or do you want her to think that we are just close friends.”
Your hands dropped to grip at the counter again, warm tears rolling down your cheeks at the pain.
“W-Want her to know I’m yours,” you whispered. The whisper had Jeonghan’s fingers being ripped out of you. You heard his pants zipper go down and he was slapping your thighs again.
“Off the counter, hands on the edge, ass up,” he order and you scrambled into the position that he wanted. He smacked your thighs again.
“If you’re going to beg like cock like a whore, act like one better and spread your fucking legs,” he grunted. You quickly did as he was told- Rewarded by the tip of his cock dragging through your folds. You tried not to moan too loudly. Your head hit the counter.
“A-Are you still wearing your jeans?” You whispered, your voice shaky. Jeonghan chuckled and slipped the tip of his cock into your pussy. You moaned, your pussy clamping on around it, begging for more.
“Y/n, sluts get fucked in the most convenient way possible,” Jeonghan whispsered. He pulled the tip of his cock out of you. “And they don’t complain. They thank their master-” You let out a strangled moan. A term Jeonghan had never used with you before and one you knew he wouldn’t soon be forgetting. “So why don’t you thank your master y/n?”
You let out a sob.
“Just fuck me,” you begged softly. “Just fuck me please. Don’t tease me. Jeonghan for once please-”
Your ass was slapped again, and Jeonghan’s fingers found their way to your hair. He tightened his grip in it, pulling you sharply back.
“It’s not like you to be a brat right before you’re about to get dick,” Jeonghan mumbled softly. He pulled you up with one hand, his other anchored on the small of your back so that he could force your back to arch fully. His cock rubbed against your folds.
“Do you want to come today y/n?”
You nearly started to cry.
“Y-Yes,” you stammered. Jeonghan’s lips quirked up into a smile.
“Then be good,” he said. “Thank your master and apologize for being a jealous brat.”
You whined and your head fell forward a bit.
“You like it when I’m a jealous brat-”
Your words earned you a sharp smack to your ass. You cried out, and Jeonghan only responded by doing what he knew would drive you absolutely crazy and dragging his cock head through your folds teasingly. He dipped his head into you for just a second and then pulled it out, tapping the head of his cock to your hole that was just begging to be fucked.
“Fine! Thank you master f-for fucking me a-at all,” you stammered out. Jeonghan let out a satisfied huff of air and his cock continued to drag through your folds.
“That word sounds so good on your lips,” he said lightly. “Now, what else did I ask you to say?”
“I-I'm s-sorry,” you bit out. Jeonghan sighed.
“See, it’s just that I don’t really believe you,” he chided. “It sounds to me like you’re just saying what you know I want to hear.”
You bit your lip from saying that of course that was what you were doing.
“Please, please, please,” you begged. “I’ll be good, I’ll be so good it’s crazy how good I’ll be.”
Jeonghan chided.
“And you’re still not apologizing,” he whispered. He leaned forward and started to kiss down your spine. You shivered at his touch.
“Pl-please,” you whimpered. “But I-I won’t apologize for being possessive and mad that-”
Jeonghan suddenly pushed deep into your pussy, and you cried out from relief at having his cock finally all the way inside of you. So deep that your toes were curling and those tears of frustration and relief started to roll down your cheeks.
“You’re so right,” he whispered against your back. “I love it when you’re a jealous brat.”
His fingers found their way into the roots of your hair, and he tightened his grip on it. Leaning back up and placing his other hand on the small of your back. He pulled out and using his grip in your hair as leverage pushed back into you hard.
You let out a mixture between a moan and a yelp, and you swore your eyes rolled into the back of your head.
“Fuck J-Jeonghan-”
He stopped you speaking by roughly fucking back into you. Each thrust so hard that your whole-body shook.
“No one takes it like you, y/n,” Jeonghan mumbled softly, his thrusts a complete mismatch from his tone of voice. “Fuck, the rougher I am the harder you squeeze my cock. You’re such a fucking whore and you’re all mine.”
You whimpered and nodded as he continued to ravage your pussy against the counter.
“Oh, I can’t wait to make this apartment ours,” he mumbled. “Going to break in every room by fucking you there so hard that our neighbors will know how you like it from day one. If they aren’t home now, I’ll make damn sure that they hear us at least once while they’re home.”
Your face reddened in embarrassment, but your traitorous body just responded by squeezing Jeonghan’s dick harder. God, when had you become such an exhibitionist?
“Do you deserve to come?” Jeonghan asked you. You whimpered, unsure of what to say. You never knew the kind of answer that Jeonghan was expecting you to give when he asked you questions like this, so all you could do was answer the way that you wanted to:
“Y-Yes!” You cried out. “Yes please, I deserve it.”
Jeonghan’s hand that was on your back wrapped around your stomach, pulling you up flush against him. His other hand released your hair and slid down your body to your clit.
“You’re right. You do deserve it. Go on love, come for me.”
He started to play with your clit as he spoke but if you were honest, it wasn’t even necessary. Your orgasm was so hard that you had to clutch and Jeonghan’s arm around your body as you came. You were shaking, a sweating and crying and it felt so good. You barely registered as Jeonghan groaned in your ear, his lips pressing kisses against your cheek sloppily as he poured his cum into your pussy.
You didn’t stop shaking until you felt Jeonghan’s movements still and his dick stopped twitching inside of you. You fell completely still in his arms, your chest heaving as you tried to get your breathing even again.
“I love you so much,” Jeonghan whispered against your cheek. You nodded.
“I love you too.”
His lips quirked into a smile.
“You deserve the world,” he promised. “I just want to make sure that this really is the apartment that you want. Do you really want this one?”
You nodded against him, turning your head so that your lips were brushing his. His eyes bored into yours as if searching them to make sure that you were telling the truth. He seemed to find what he was looking for after a few moments.
“Then we’ll get it.”
You heard the front door to the apartment open and you were suddenly very aware of what you and Jeonghan had just done. You put on your clothes faster than you had ever imagined you could, but Jeonghan made no attempt to pull his shirt back on.
When Dana rounded the corner, you were running your fingers through your hair, trying to tidy it back up. As you did so Jeonghan tugged on a free strand. You turned to look at him and he dragged you down, his hands closing around your cheeks. He pulled you into a deep kiss, one of his hands dipping beneath your shirt.
Your face burned, but when he pulled away and patted your cheek softly saying a pleasant: “Good girl.” You got over the majority of your embarrassment.
You nervously glanced at Dana, whose face was burning red as well. Her eyes darted from you to Jeonghan, and back to you. Jeonghan got to his feet, stretching out his arms.
“Y/n, I think I lost my shirt,” he said, with an overexaggerated pout. You let out a nervous laugh and looked across the room at Dana.
“He’s, uh-”
Jeonghan interrupted you by slipping his hand into your back pocket. His face was inches from yours so even if you wanted to, you couldn’t find it in yourself to pay attention to Dana again. You let Jeonghan draw your attention. A smile flitted across his lips, but it quickly shifted into a pout.
“Why are you acting so shy?” He asked you lightly.
“I have the, uh, paperwork,” Dana pipped up. Your eyes flickered towards her, but just as they did Jeonghan’s thumb pressed into your chin.
“Nuh uh, not’s so fast,” he murmured. Your eyes were back on him. “You know that I don’t like anybody else, right?”
You took a shaky, humiliated, breath.
“Of course, I know that,” you managed to reply. He hummed, searching your face.
“And you know that I don’t even look like that at other people,” Jeonghan replied. “That I’m completely loyal even while you run around with your little boytoys.”
The joke hit the right audience, you let out a surprised laugh.
“I know,” you agreed. “And they’re not my little-”
Jeonghan interrupted your denial with a small kiss. You rolled your eyes.
“Jeonghan-”
He kissed you again.
“The paperwork,” Dana called out again, this time standing closer to the two of you. You turned to glance at her and just as you went to speak, a full groan escaped Jeonghan’s mouth. He buried his face into your neck and then turned his whole body into you. Sliding both of his hands into your back pockets.
“I’m so tired of people coming between us,” he mumbled softly. You ignored him and reached out for the paperwork. Dana begrudgingly placed it in your hands.
Jeonghan whined at the fact that you were moving, clearly completely unembarrassed by the fact that Dana was standing right there. You read over the paper and sighed.
“If you’re serious about signing this lease today, you know you’re going to have to actually sign it.”
Jeonghan groaned again in protest. You rolled your eyes, but you felt warm. You pushed him back by his forehead.
“Okay, I get it,” you relented. “I’m dumb for being jealous… Can we sign this lease please?”
Jeonghan flashed you a smile.
“Since you asked so nicely.”
-
You let out a heavy sigh as you brought the last box from the car and placed it in one of the only free spots that you could spot. Jeonghan perked up from where he had collapsed on the floor after winning the argument on who was going to bring the last box upstairs.
“We’re done?” He asked you. You sighed, leaning on the doorknob.
“I mean we still have to unpack.”
Jeonghan sighed.
“Do we have to?”
You pressed the door shut behind you and shrugged.
“You want to fuck me on a mattress on the floor?” You asked bluntly. A mischievous smile spread across Jeonghan’s face.
“I’d fuck you spread across these boxes,” he replied. “Or in the stairway… Or on the porch…”
Your face burned and you brushed your hands down your pants.
“We’re both sweaty and disgusting,” you replied even though you didn’t think that Jeonghan looked disgusting at all. And every time that he had to take a moment to catch his breath, and drink some water, and you watched his adam’s apple bob in his throat-
“Then I guess that we’ll just have to break in the shower,” he replied.
“Jeonghan-”
Jeonghan got to his feet and wiped his hands off on his jeans.
“You know where to find me,” he said coyly before walking down the hall. You sucked in a sharp breath, clicking the door locked behind you.
You had a feeling it was going to take you two a very long time to get everything unpacked.
☆ ride the d!ck like a carnival . . ! ft. jeonghan.
☆ content. jeonghan x fem! reader. just jeonghan satiating his needs in backseat of your car. ☆ tags. unprotected sex, riding, semi-public sex? menace jeonghan, creampie, nipple stimulation. ☆ wc. 0.7k+
MINORS DO NOT INTERACT ! MINORS DO NOT INTERACT !
“i hate–hngh–you!”
a light giggle falls out of his lips at your words. because your actions say the opposite. you sink down, engulfing his entire length with your heat before lifting your hips again. you’re riding him with all that you’ve got while jeonghan’s simply enjoying the show.
“aw, you do?” a faux pout forms on his lips, hiding his lazy smirk. lust and enamour swirls in his eyes and god, he’s looking at you with those fuck me eyes. of course, you can’t resist him, “no, no. i don’t mean it.”
“i know, baby.” he slides his hands down to your ass, groping them harshly with a smack or two. a soft sigh leaves his chest as he leans back on the backseat of your car. desperation and annoyance fills you again.
what was supposed to be a cute brunch date ended up in you riding his cock in your car like your life depended on it. and that most infuriating part is how jeonghan is simply watching you without helping. he’s so relaxed while you’re fighting for your life on his cock.
he knows it. he knows that you’re annoyed and horny. even though he’s the one that slipped his hands up your dress, you’re the one satiating him. unfortunately for you, jeonghan gets all hard and twitchy when you’re mad and frustrated during sex.
he strokes your waist, fingers fluttering against your sensitive spots. the tickling sensation causes you to lose your sense of rhythm. he pushes your dress up further, shifting his gaze towards where your bodies are connected. your cunt hugs his length with a grip that makes him breathless.
beads of sweat run down the side of your face. your hair is all ruined, makeup smudged and dress creased, thanks to the courtesy of your boyfriend. your walls flutter around his cock, sending shivers down his spine.
jeonghan goes cross-eyed when he notices your hard nipples poking through the thin material of your dress. he hooks his finger under the sweetheart neckline, pulling down the cloth till your breasts pop out. your breasts bounce right in front of his face, tempting him to wrap his lips around your pebbled nipples.
you let out a soft gasp, feeling his warm mouth around your sensitive bud. his tongue circles the bud, feeling the ridges of your areola. he flicks the bud gently, and sucks on it. you grind your hips harder, chasing the release you so badly want.
his hand travels down your stomach to your cunt. you reach your breaking point when his fingers brush against your clit, soft enough to rile you up but not hard enough to satiate you.
your hands fly to grab his hair as you gyrate your hips with a newfound desperation. it elicits a groan from him, delighted from the slight pain of you pulling his hair. your other hand wraps around his throat, squeezing the sides ever-so-lightly. jeonghan smiles—he fucking smiles.
“you’re so hot when you’re mad, babe.”
you rock your hips harder, pushing out the energy you have left in your body. the car rocks in sync with your rhythm. anyone who walks past can figure out what you’re up to in a single glance. but that doesn’t stop you from fucking him harder and harder.
a string of curses falls from his lips. he moans unabashedly, wordlessly letting you know he’s nearing his climax. you quicken your pace with the energy you have left. he squeezes your hips, face scrunching with pleasure. a needy look graces his eyes.
an evil thought conjures up in your mind. you can stop now, leaving him high and dry. a lick back for all times he was mean to you.
but you can’t. even if your mind tells you to stop, your body won’t. and the needy look in his eyes sets your body on fire. he’s looking at you as if you hung all the stars in the sky. his face tints red, mouth forming a perfect ‘o’ as he moans to his heart’s content.
his cock flutters inside you, hips bucking into yours. he’s close. with another harsh thrust, you stop. he cums in an instant, white strings of release flooding your cunt. you kiss his forehead, looking down at him with adoration.
his hips still move against yours, trying to ride out his high. he moans rather cutely, grinding against you as his cum slowly drips down from your hole.
“i can’t believe you made me ride you in the car at fucking 11 in the morning,” you mutter, breathlessly. “and i didn’t even cum!”
you try to hit his shoulder but he catches your wrist, looking at you with the same unsatiated lust. “who said we’re done?”
You knew whatever you and Jeonghan were doing wasn’t real—not really. But a part of you had started to wonder. You could feel that same warmth you’d come to resent starting to bloom, and it scared you.
pairing jeonghan x f!reader word count 24.2k tags non-idol au, college au, fake dating, enemies? to friends to lovers, humor, angst, jealousy, conflict, jeonghan being a menace, pet names, dom!jeonghan, sub!reader, teasing, a lot of making out, dry humping, fingering, big!dick jeonghan, unprotected sex, riding, missionary, hickeys, creampies, cock warming, multiple smut scenes, grinding, spanking, mention of dacryphilia, love making warnings smut, cursing, alcohol, mentions of smoking
thank you @sanaxo-o @nerdycheol for beta reading ♡
💌 check out my masterlist
You were always intimidated by Yoon Jeonghan. From the moment you first saw him in class you could tell he thought everyone was below him. The way he paraded around campus with that shit-eating grin on his face, perfect pink lips always knowing just what to say. His brown eyes seemed to always seek you out for some reason, as if he purposely wanted to get on your nerves.
So, right there and then, before even having spoken a single word to him, you decided to avoid him at all costs.
You didn’t pay him any mind for the rest of the year, blocking him out whenever you happened to catch sight of him, or whenever you heard his stupid voice in any of the shared classes you were in.
It isn’t until the second year or college that you’re forced to interact with him for the first time, being grouped together for an assignment.
Now if that wasn’t bad, you curse your luck once you realize one of the other guys in your group happened to be your lifelong crush out of all people, the loud Kwon Soonyoung.
You didn’t even know he’d been taking the same class as you, as for you hadn’t even seen him once since the start of the semester.
The worst part of it all is finding out he and Jeonghan seemed to be the best of friends, laughing amongst themselves as they entered the study hall. The last guy, Lee Seokmin, jogged behind them to catch up to them, a wide smile on his face whilst hitting Soonyoung’s shoulder.
Just great. He was a part of their little clique as well.
You'd walked into the study hall almost confidently, thinking you were adult enough to deal with Yoon Jeonghan. But Soonyoung? Your stomach churned with anxiety.
Soonyoung's eyes lit up as soon as he saw you, catching you off guard with a sudden, friendly hug.
"You know y/n?" Seokmin cocked up his eyebrows, watching his older friend nearly crush a seemingly random girl from class.
"Of course! We went to elementary and middle school together." he smiled, finally letting go of you. You hoped they couldn’t tell just how flustered the embrace had made you, your eyes blinking as you tried to regain composure.
“What a crazy coincidence! I didn’t know we’re going to the same college,” Soonyoung chuckled, shrugging off his backpack before mindlessly taking a seat next to you.
You almost pouted at his words. Whilst you were very aware of his presence, Soonyoung didn’t seem to have been aware of yours.
“Yeah, crazy.” you laughed it off, trying not to sound too awkward. “I didn’t know you were in this class…” you trailed off, blindly opening your laptop.
Seokmin exhaled an amused breath. “Because he skips all his classes.” he said, taking a seat next to Soonyoung.
“Hey, not all… I just hate Business Management.” the boy sighed, pouting as he rummaged through his worn down backpack.
You fought a smile hearing them banter, shyly looking down at your laptop screen.
"Alright, if the little reunion is over let's just start and get this over with, hm?" Jeonghan grumbled, forced to sit on the other side of you.
You tried not to roll your eyes, the two others simply humming in agreement.
It took a near hour to decide on a solid plan, taking note of all the important topics and details. The dynamic between the group of friends had you surprisingly amused to say the least, catching yourself chuckling along to the little jabs the friends aimed at each other.
"Okay, so, Seokmin," Jeonghan pointed his pen at him. "You will pick a company to help us with formulating three products." his pen moved to Soonyoung. "You'll design the logo of our website and the color scheme."
The ball point pen moved to you now. "y/n, you'll design our website. Just pick some template on one of those website builders. Make it look pretty, but please, no pink." he sighed.
Your lips pressed together, feeling slightly agitated at his words. Make it look pretty, you're sure he was aware of how condescending he sounded, not even acknowledging the fact your major was software development.
"What will you do, hyung?" Soonyoung asked, and you were more than curious to know this too.
Jeonghan clicked his pen, looking over at his friend.
"I'll set up the meetings, oversee all your work and help where help is needed." he said, slumping in his chair. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes.
The two others seemed content with his answer. You didn’t argue with that, not having the energy over some stupid class you didn’t even care for.
"Alright then." Seokmin clapped his hands together loudly, earning the attention of a few other students in the study hall. "Since Jeonghan hyung seems in such a rush to leave, let's meet up again next week?" he asked. You nodded, grabbing your backpack to put away your stuff.
"I'll make a group chat." Seokmin added, looking over to you briefly. You hummed, giving him a small smile of acknowledgement.
Jeonghan left first, and you walked out the study hall with the two other boys by your side.
"Oh my god, I'm so happy to see you!" Soonyoung nudged your shoulder lightly, gripping the straps of his backpack while he walked with you. You chuckled shyly. "Yeah, me too."
You chose not to tell him how you’ve seen him around campus countless times, feeling like a bit of a loser at the way you’d been keeping your eye on him like a young girl with a schoolgirl crush—and in a way you were just that.
"We should hang out! Do you live on campus?" he asked. You made eye contact with him, smiling at his question. "I’m over at the sorority. Are you guys in the fraternity together?"
The boys nodded. "We all are." Seokmin told you.
"You should come to the party tomorrow, it'll be fun!" Soonyoung said.
You'd sworn off drinking a while ago, not wanting it to get in the way of your studies, yet the offer sounded convincing enough, and the thought of getting closer to Soonyoung made your chest thump.
"Ahh, come on! Don't tell me you've never been to one of our parties before." Soonyoung grinned when you paused, fully turning his body to you.
A laugh escaped your mouth. "Well, I haven't. But... since you asked," you flashed him a smile, their sounds of approval hitting your ears.
"Perfect! We'll see you there, y/n." Seokmin smiled.
Your friend sneaked an arm around your waist, pulling you into her body while the two of you walked to the fraternity a few blocks over.
"I can't believe you're finally coming with me!" Your best friend Jaehee declared loudly. She squeezed your hip. "You have to see Mingyu tonight, he's so fucking fine. We’ve been texting for days now!"
You rolled your eyes playfully, not too keen on meeting one of her flings again.
When the two of you entered the fraternity, the notorious ΙΖ', you were immediately greeted by the luring smell of alcohol and weed. The large body of people were scattered all around the extensive common room, most grouped together chatting with their respective friends in the open space between the kitchen and living room.
Your face scrunched a bit trying to adjust to the loud music, your friend immediately dragging you to a corner where a group was hanging out.
"Jae!" the loud voices greeted your friend excitedly, the tallest of them instinctively putting an arm around her.
She welcomed them with a smile, moving to pull you right next to her. "Guys, this is y/n!” she grinned. “y/n, this is Mingyu," she looked at the handsome boy next to her before pointing to the others. "Joshua, Eunwoo and Jeonghan." You made eye contact with Jeonghan, his big eyes already staring back at you.
"Hi y/n, it’s nice to meet you. Did you finally decide to join us?" Joshua smiled, giving your shoulder a small squeeze. You met his gaze, his sweet eyes resembling those of crescent moons as he smiled at you.
You didn’t know whether to feel thankful your friend had seemingly been so openly talking about you, but you were happy you were being welcomed so warmly. You returned his smile, nodding before speaking, "Yeah... It looks like you got quite the party here." you chuckled.
"I told you it'd be fun!" Jaehee lighty shoved you, a loud voice suddenly interrupting your conversation.
"Hey! You made it!" Soonyoung squeezed between you and Joshua, a smile on his sweet face while he settled his gaze on you. Your body instantly became warm, and you swallowed a lump in your throat not knowing what to say. You could tell by the flush on his cheeks he was a few drinks ahead of you.
"Let's take a shot!" he exclaimed happily, handing you a full shot glass you hadn’t seen him hold before. His gaze turned a bit more serious as if he realized something, hectic eyes frantically looking around as his lips pressed together in a tight line.
His eyes lit up as soon as a certain person walked by, and he snatched a full glass of booze from their hands with an innocent giggle. "Thanks Jihoonie!" he laughed, earning him a blank stare from the guy, who carried on walking, uninterested.
You laughed as he clinked his glass against yours, downing the entire cocktail down quickly. You watched him for a second before deciding to take the shot, the bitter taste making you cringe.
The group in front of you didn’t seem too concerned by what was happening, already wrapped back up in whatever conversation they had before you and Jae joined them.
"You want another? Or maybe a mixed drink? I’m good at those," Soonyoung put his hand on your shoulder, looking at the kitchen for a moment before settling his hazy eyes back on you.
“If you don’t make it too strong,” you smiled timidly, the words leaving your lips before you could even think them over. Soonyoung gave you a sharp nod, disappearing into the crowd.
Your eyes briefly met Jeonghan again before clumsily looking over at your friend, who seemed too busy to talk to you.
“You know Soonyoung?” Joshua closed the space between the two of you again, face angled down close to yours.
You nodded. “We went to the same school when we were kids,” you told him, playing with the empty shot glass in your hands. He chuckled. “Wow, what a coincidence.” He took a drag of his vape, the fruity cloud of smoke dancing above you. You nodded. “Yeah, we were grouped together for a Business Management project.”
“Business Management? Doesn’t Jeonghan also take that class?” he looked over to his friend, who looked up at the mention of his name. You nodded, telling him Jeonghan and Seokmin were all in your group as well.
“Good luck with that.” Joshua grinned knowingly. “I wouldn’t be able to focus much with those three bickering all the time.” he snickered, looking at his friend who just rolled his eyes.
You smiled. “So far so good.” You hoped to at least get a smile from the boy in front of you, deciding the grudge you held against him might have been a little unfair to him. But Jeonghan dismissed your kindness by ignoring you completely, instead saying something to Eunwoo beside him.
You resisted the urge to show your newfound irritation, shifting your attention back to Joshua.
From the corner of your eye you saw Eunwoo nod, and the two of them left quietly, leaving you four in the corner.
Joshua really knew how to make you feel comfortable, striking up a conversation with you about your majors and some of your interests, the exchange soon shifting into your shared hobby of baking.
When Mingyu and Jae disappeared after a heated make out session you and Joshua briefly cringed at, the two of you were the only ones left. Joshua soon dragged you to the backyard to smoke, joking alcohol made him crave cigarettes.
You were seated on one of the couches outside, a full glass of alcohol in your hand that one of the hosts, Joshua’s friend, had poured you—reminding you of the drink Soonyoung had promised you before, most likely, drunkenly having forgotten about it.
Just shortly after the realization you coincidentally spotted him, and your stomach turned when you saw what exactly was going on. Soonyoung was making out with some girl on the other side of the garden, tongue and all, making you see green with jealousy.
Your innocent crush might’ve not been completely innocent—not when the sight in your peripheral vision impacted you this much.
Your glass was empty now, and you set it on the table in front of you to push yourself up. This caught the attention of Joshua, who’d been busily chatting with the random people you’d grouped up with outside for the last half hour.
“Are you leaving?” Joshua put his hand around your wrist, looking up at you with a frown on his face.
“I don’t feel so good, I need some water,” you told him, making him loosen his grip on you. You had this weird urge to isolate yourself—to flee. “Are you okay? I can get it for you.” His eyes softened upon hearing your words.
You shook your head. “It’s okay, thanks Joshua. I’ll be right back.” you shot him an assuring smile before quickly walking back inside, right past the kitchen to the corridor.
Fuck. Why did you feel so jealous over Soonyoung? It’s not like you were ever close to him.
Maybe you’d been an idiot hoping to catch Soonyoung’s attention, not when he barely paid any attention to you in the first place. He never noticed you in school. The secret glances, soft laughter you tried to hold in whenever he and his friends joked around in class. He didn’t even know you were attending the same college, for god's sake.
Now you felt even worse. You decided to walk straight outside through the front door—away.
“Leaving already?”
You jumped at the sudden voice, eyes locking with Jeonghan who you saw leaning against the white brick house. He eyed you with his arms crossed over his chest.
“Fuck, you scared me.” you instinctively pressed your hand against your thumping chest. Jeonghan seemed to observe you carefully, eyebrows furrowed like he was deep in thought.
“Everything okay?” he suddenly asked you. The question surprised you. Jeonghan didn’t seem the type to entertain people he didn’t care about.
“Um, yeah,” you responded meekly. “Just going home.” you shrugged, fully ready to walk off.
Jeonghan hummed, pushing himself off the wall to get a bit closer to you. You stopped moving, your shoulders slumping a little while looking at him. Jeonghan checking up on you was as odd as it was out of character, but continuing to want to talk to you? By choice? You were stunned.
“Let me guess,” he smiled, clearly already very amused by whatever was about to come out of his mouth. “This has something to do with Soonyoung.” He almost grinned, and his arms remained crossed as he waited for your reaction.
The look on your face only made him smile wider, looking like he had won the lottery.
“I knew I would be right.” he mumbled under his breath, chuckling in an irritating way. “I’m good at this…” he seemed amused, waiting for you to defend yourself.
You forced yourself to laugh, shifting your weight awkwardly as the stiff sound croaked out of you. “What are you talking about?” you held your breath awaiting his next words, but some part of you knew he had you right where he wanted you.
“I mean,” the look in his eyes shifted into something you couldn’t describe. “You have a thing for Soonyoung. It’s very obvious.”
Your chest felt tight. Was is really that noticeable?
“For…for Soonyoung?” you laughed as if his take had been completely wrong. “Why would you think that?” you continued, the quirk of his lip only sputtering you on more. You hoped he couldn’t notice how flustered you were becoming.
Jeonghan laughed, the nasal sound ripping from his throat surprising you. You realized you’d never seen this side to him—almost happy.
“I can help you.”
Your eye twitched. There was a brief silence as Jeonghan anticipated your response, his mouth slightly agape as his eyebrows rose.
“Huh?”
Your confusion made him giggle, dropping his arms down next to his body to fully close the space between you. “Listen,” he started, licking his lips. “I will help you get Soonyoung.” You were suddenly feeling very self-conscious having him so close to you.
“I’m not surprised he hasn’t noticed, since he’s oblivious as it is,” he continued. You looked away at his words, chewing on the inside of your cheek.
“He’s one of my best friends, so it won’t be that hard.” he hummed, taking you in.
You forced yourself to look back into his eyes, a silent exhale passing through your lips. This had to be some kind of setup. There had to be something behind it he wasn’t telling you.
“Who says I want your help?” you glared at him, furrowing your eyebrows.
Jeonghan seemed to like your answer, a wide smile spreading on his face.
“Suit yourself. I’ll tell him about your little crush myself.”
Your eyes widened a bit, looking at him in disbelief.
“Why do you even care that much, Jeonghan?” you crossed your arms, a part of you knowing very well he would happily inform his friend of your stupid secret.
“I’m bored.” he simply grinned, his expression one of an evil mastermind.
Despite already having agreed with Jeonghan beforehand, you felt nervous about sitting next to him in class. You liked sitting near the front, a bit meticulous about having little to no distractions while taking your notes and listening to whatever your teacher had to say.
Jeonghan always sat in the far back of the class, less caring about the lesson and more about doing whatever it was he was back there. You could always hear him snicker about something, probably because of Soonyoung or Seokmin, treating the hour-long lesson like their own personal bar despite already living together and practically being together most of their time.
Today you sat in the back, jumping in your seat when Jeonghan loudly dropped his bag on the table next to you. You snapped out of your daze, looking up to see the boy already smirking at you.
“You didn’t chicken out,” he observed aloud, as if he thought you would actually back out of his genius plan to catch Soonyoung’s attention. As if the threat of not listening to him didn’t come with consequences.
“I’m a little surprised to be honest.” he chuckled, sitting down next to you.
You sighed, following him with your eyes. “Why?” you decided to take the bait. Jeonghan only smiled. “Nevermind. It’ll be more fun this way.” he hummed, carelessly throwing his phone down on the table. “I already have some things in mind, you’ll see,”
You didn’t even want to imagine what he was implying, rolling your eyes before pulling out your notebook and pen.
“Aigoo.” Jeonghan laughed seeing your pastel pink pen, the top decorated with a cute little duck. Your cheeks burned.
Before you could protest he snatched it from your hand, giggling as he observed it up close.
“How cute. Did you name him?” he grinned, loving how embarrassed you looked. “No.” you hissed, trying to get it back from him. Jeonghan tsked with a smile, avoiding your hand before excitedly scooting closer to you.
He held the pen right front of you, wiggling it in front of your face as he started speaking with a high pitched voice. “Please save me from Hannie! I feel so sad without you, y/n.” he laughed at himself, spinning the duck’s head towards him.
He cleared his throat, giving the object a serious look. “I’ll keep you with me today, but I promise I will give you back to y/n later. Now, tell her goodbye.”
“Seriously?” you grumbled, watching him put the duck back in front of your face.
“Bye y/nnie! See you later!” he said in the same, annoying voice, making a loud kissing sound as he briefly pressed the duck’s beak against your lips.
“Jeonghan!” you complained, pushing his arm away as he laughed. Right as you did so, Soonyoung and Seokmin walked in, the latter visibly surprised you were sitting next to Jeonghan.
“Oh, y/n!” Soonyoung smiled, plopping down in the seat in front of Jeonghan. You smiled at him, suddenly feeling very conscious of Jeonghan’s little plan—which he failed to explain the exact logistics of.
“Hi guys.” Seokmin greeted. He sat down in front of you, his back turned to you as he rumbled through his backpack.
“Hyung, didn’t you say you disliked y/n?” Soonyoung asked, leaning over the backrest of the chair as he looked at his friend obliviously. By his tone you could tell he didn’t mean it in a bad way, he was genuinely interested. Soonyoung always had a way of blurting out whatever he had on his mind.
Jeonghan cocked up his eyebrows, giving you a quick look that was met with a subtle glare. “What? Of course not.” he coolly dismissed his friend’s words.
Soonyoung had a subtle pout in his face, looking around as if he was thinking for a moment. “But you said she’s-“
“I don’t dislike y/n.” Jeonghan roughly cut him off, giving him a stern look. Soonyoung giggled, giving you a warm smile that had you malfunctioning for a moment “I think it’s good you’re becoming friends!” he said, then quickly turned around when the teacher announced herself.
“I’m not too fond of you either, you know.” you grumbled lowly to Jeonghan, making him chuckle. “Aw, did I hurt your feelings? I’m sorry. Promise we’ll have a great time together from now.”
You rolled your eyes again. “Whatever.” you sighed in defeat, forcing yourself to pay attention to the class.
The lesson carried on like normal, but your mind kept wandering. You were a little worried about whatever Jeonghan had in store for you, fearing the worst. How would he even be able to help you with Soonyoung? Was this all some ploy to embarrass you in front of his friends?
Deep in thought, you failed to notice Jeonghan leaning into you, flinching when he suddenly put his hand on your knee. “Thinking of me?” he whispered. His breath hit your ear, making the hairs on your arms stand up.
“What are you doing?” you asked quietly, keeping your eyes on the teacher and hoping she wouldn’t notice what was happening.
“Don’t you trust me?” Jeonghan’s voice carried a hint of amusement, and you could practically hear him smile as he spoke. “No.” you admitted quickly. Jeonghan chuckled. “Relax, this is all part of it.” he gently squeezed your knee, making you pout a little. The action had you meet his eye, yet you barely turned to him, not wanting it to seem like you were talking to him in the middle of class.
“Come closer. You have to at least put in an effort if you want Soonyoung to think we’re dating.” Jeonghan whispered, pulling you closer towards him by your knee.
Your eyes widened, looking at him in bewilderment as you felt his side pressing into yours. “D-dating?” you almost gasped. “Yeah?” Jeonghan said as if you were stupid. “How else do you want to catch his attention?” he said, like it was obvious this is what you were going to do from the start.
“Like, suddenly? It’ll be weird.” you mumbled, ignoring the heat radiating off his body. Jeonghan shrugged. “We don’t actually tell anyone we’re ‘dating’. They just need to speculate that there’s something going on between us—and it's Soonyoung. He’ll believe anything.” His hand moved from your knee to hang over the backrest of your seat, trying to appear somewhat close to you.
“Watch.” he looked at the front of the class for a moment before leaning back in to reach your ear. “Look at our teacher. Don’t you think it’s funny how she always wears those ugly shoes with that gap between her big toes?” you caught sight of what he was talking about, wheezing at his description. “The loafers? They’re kinda popular right now…”
Jeonghan smiled. “They look like hooves. Hideous.” that made you laugh, catching Soonyoung briefly looking back at the two of you. “I want to burn those ugly horse shoes so bad.” he continued, very aware of his friend now paying attention to you.
“Guys,” Soonyoung whispered to the two of you, a little smile on his face. “Ignore him.” Jeonghan whispered.
“Popular or not, I need them gone.” he continued as if he didn’t hear Soonyoung.
“Hey, guys,” Soonyoung said a bit louder, leaning over.
“Hmm?” Jeonghan cocked up his eyebrows, turning his head to the boy.
“What’re you laughing at?” he asked, hoping to join in on the fun. You allowed yourself to look at Soonyoung now too, waiting for Jeonghan to speak.
“Huh? Oh, nothing…” Jeonghan giggled, putting his hand on your shoulder. Soonyoung pouted a little, softly nodding before looking back in front of him again, figuring whatever you were whispering about wasn’t anything of importance.
“See?” Jeonghan lowly said, a smirk tugging on his mouth. You didn’t reply, watching him play with your pen in his free hand.
You couldn’t focus for the duration of the class, looking down at your blank notebook realizing you hadn’t been taking any notes, despite Jeonghan putting his pencil on your desk. His fingers played with the fabric of your shirt, not paying you any mind as he listened to the teacher.
After the hour-long lesson Jeonghan waited for you to gather your stuff, Soonyoung and Seokmin already exiting the classroom as per Jeonghan’s request to not wait up for him.
It felt oddly good getting all this attention suddenly, despite it coming from someone you had disliked for a year. Jeonghan really wasn’t as bad as you’d made him out to be, and a part of you liked being included in his circle and getting closer to him. It also made you nervous, never fully knowing what to expect from him.
“That was… interesting.” you told Jeonghan, looking up at him. He stood next to you with his arms crossed over his chest. You zipped up your bag, starting to walk out of the classroom with him. “Of course, told you it would work.” Jeonghan simply said, slowly walking through the hallway. “It would’ve even been better if you weren’t so awkward.” he sighed, looking at you. Your neck burned a bit, avoiding his eyes. You hadn’t realized you were being awkward.
“Meet me at the frat after you finish all of your classes.”
“What?” you frowned at his words.
Jeonghan had a blank look on his face. “Am I speaking french? You have to get used to us being together.” he said almost boredly, halting in front of your next class. You blinked at him before slowly nodding. It wouldn’t hurt to make it seem more believable. “Alright.” you said quietly.
The corners of his mouth rose, winking at you before starting to walk off.
“See you later!” he called over his shoulder, leaving you to ponder on what he’d planned.
A strange feeling settled in your stomach as you waited for Jeonghan in front of the big house, looking around the street observantly.
The street wasn’t too busy, but there was a different atmosphere over at the frat row. The possibility of seeing all these boys—probably all friends with each other—was enough to make you nervous. You didn’t trust them, and you weren’t convinced any of them would see you as their equal—not for any societal reasons per se, but because you barely made any noise in the typical tight-knit college community on campus.
It had been different being together with your friend last weekend, a fickle but comforting energy knowing you weren’t alone, even if it had only been for a little while before she disappeared with Mingyu. You’d had time to settle.
Safe to say you felt out of place this time around.
The sudden sound of the door opening then drew your attention.
“There’s my little ducky.” Jeonghan grinned, motioning for you to come in. He laughed at the look you were giving him, slamming the door shut before leading the way.
Your worries seemed to melt away already, but you still felt somewhat nervous at the possibility of having to meet new people.
“You still didn’t give me back my pen,” you told him as you blindly followed. He smiled as he walked past the kitchen to the hallway, looking back at you for a moment. “I’m keeping it,” he said casually.
You sighed in defeat, more focused on your surroundings than to give him a proper reply. The house was mostly quiet, and thankfully you didn’t see anyone apart from hearing muffled voices from whatever room you were passing by.
“Could you walk any slower?” Jeonghan cocked up his eyebrows waiting for you to enter the opened door of his bedroom. You rolled your eyes at him.
Once inside you started to become aware of where he’d taken you, looking around his room while chewing on your bottom lip.
It looked like any other ordinary bedroom, spare for the few knick-knacks and the collection of shoes in the corner. There were tubs of skin care and school books on his desk, and some discarded clothes draped over his chair.
“So… is Soonyoung home?” you asked carefully, not really sure why you were in his bedroom with him.
“No,” Jeonghan said as he took a seat on his bed, simply watching you.
You looked at him, gulping. “Oh…” you said softly, progressively getting more flustered as he held eye contact with you.
Jeonghan chuckled, motioning for you to come closer. “Come here,” he extended his arm, patiently waiting for you to grab his hand. “This is just practice. You have to get used to us touching, ducky.” he smiled cheekily, watching you hesitantly close the space.
He had a point. You told yourself it wasn’t a big deal, but you still felt overwhelmingly nervous as you grabbed his hand. Vulnerable. As you felt his skin, you noticed how long his eyelashes were, the sharp inner corners of his big eyes complimenting his pretty brown irises. His hand felt warm, but you felt weird. It was strangely intimate for some reason, and you wondered if he thought the same.
“Don’t be so tense, y/n. Just act like you normally would.” he chuckled, pulling you closer than you already were, now standing between his parted thighs. You didn’t have anything to say to that, trying not to show how nervous you suddenly felt.
“Why are you looking like that?” Jeonghan cocked his head to the side, reading you for a moment. “Don’t tell me you’ve never had a boyfriend before,” he grinned, already convinced this had been the reason for your silence.
He laughed when the ghost of a pout appeared on your lips, almost making you want to pull your hand away if it weren’t for him already tightening his grip on you.
“Cute. That’s why you’re so shy, hm?” he smiled with a wicked glint in his eyes. “Don’t mock me.” you mumbled, rolling your eyes before looking away. Jeonghan laughed again, shaking his head. “I’m not.” he lied, smiling in amusement.
“Whatever,” you said, your eyebrows scrunched together as you looked at him again.
“Hey, don’t be mad, ducky. I told you it’s cute.” Jeonghan hummed, suddenly wrapping his free arm around your waist and pulling you onto the bed with him.
You gasped in surprise, bracing a hand on his chest as he pulled you closer, both arms wrapping around you as you lay curled on your side.
“You scared me!” You whined, hitting his chest. “Ow!” Jeonghan giggled, smoothing a hand over your hair. “Sorry.” he chuckled. “C’mere.” he softly urged your head to his chest before stroking your hair.
You sighed in defeat, ignoring the knot in your stomach. “You asked me to come over to cuddle?” you sulked, not seeing why it would be of importance.
“Yes? Things like this matter if you want us to be believable.” Jeonghan sighed, looking at you. You met his eye for a second, resisting the urge to roll your eyes again before looking out in front of you instead.
“I don’t even know why we’re doing this. I doubt it will work.” you murmured, unconsciously nuzzling your cheek against his chest. Your cheeks burned as you realized what you were doing, hoping Jeonghan wouldn’t make fun of you for it.
Jeonghan purposely tugged on the ends of your hair a bit too hard, earning him a glare whilst he just smiled. “It’s a shame you still don’t believe in my expertise.” he exhaled a long breath as if he was disappointed. “You have to be all in if you want this to succeed, ducky.” he smiled.
“Stop calling me that,” you mumbled. “And If I remember correctly, you didn’t give me much of a choice, Jeonghan.” you then grumbled, making him laugh for a moment. You could feel his chest shake.
“Still,” he said, ignoring your first words.
You sighed. “Right.” you agreed. You just hoped it would be enough to interest the boy you’d liked since childhood.
“I swear if you embarrass me…” you then added, looking at Jeonghan.
He blinked slowly, just looking at you for a second. “Of course not.” he said in more seriousness, and you realized that’s all you wanted to hear from him.
You slowly nodded. “Okay.” you almost whispered, giving him a little smile. Jeonghan smiled back at you, resting his cheek against the side of your head.
You were both silent after that, finding comfort in each other’s embrace. It felt nice, having someone to finally hold you.
But the comfort unsettled something, too. Truth is, you were a very lonely person. In your twenty-something years, you’d never had anyone pursue you romantically. Which you told yourself was fine—at first. But as the years passed, and those who took an interest in you somehow always ended up disappearing, you began to think something must be wrong with you.
Still, the loneliness didn’t mean you lacked feeling. That had been the whole problem. You loved deeply, too much, sometimes so much that your fingers shook with it. It pulsed deep within you, burning to engulf and to take and keep taking. You were ashamed of the enormity of your desire, disgusted almost. You were scared that if you’d ever get a taste, you’d feast. You’d devour until nothing remained, only yourself and the wounds of your greediness.
You thought yourself to be destructive, not to be trusted with even a sliver of it—even if a pair of warm arms around you had been all you’d ever wanted.
You’d become too much one too many times in the past, and no one wants someone who’s too much. You told yourself love probably just wasn’t meant for you. Maybe you didn’t deserve it. At least not in this lifetime.
You knew whatever you and Jeonghan were doing wasn’t real—not really. But a part of you had started to wonder. You could feel that same warmth you’d come to resent starting to bloom, and it scared you. You didn’t want to mess up again. Didn’t want to scare away the one person you were starting to let in.
You blinked away tears, not because of your pain, but because Jeonghan’s embrace was bringing you so much comfort.
“This feels nice.” you whispered, feeling a bit stupid for suddenly saying something so vulnerable.
Maybe you really were greedy—doing all this to try to get Soonyoung, when you were convinced he would never want you anyway. Or if he did, he’d end up leaving just like everyone did.
Jeonghan hummed, oblivious to how emotional you suddenly felt. He kept stroking your hair. “Do you want to take a nap, ducky? I’m getting a bit tired,” he admitted, chuckling. You nodded against his chest, happy at the opportunity to have him like this a bit longer.
Jeonghan pulled you even closer, sighing against your hair after closing his eyes. You carefully put your arm around him.
You tried not to overthink it anymore, closing your eyes to try to sleep.
Not long after, Jeonghan’s breathing started slowing, and the hand that kept stroking your head now rested somewhere in your mess of hair. The rise and fall of his chest gradually helped lull you into sleep with him.
Soft humming filled your ears, waking you up with a frown as you blinked in confusion. The sweet and airy sounds continued as you looked up at Jeonghan, suddenly remembering where you were.
Jeonghan met your gaze once you moved, the light from his phone behind your head illuminating his face as he stared back at you. He couldn’t contain his laughter seeing your tired face, letting his head fall back as he put his phone down.
You only sighed before pushing yourself up, too dazed to curse at him already.
It seemed like Jeonghan hadn’t moved at all as you were sleeping, silently scrolling on his phone while he had patiently waited for you to wake up. Whilst you had a nice nap, you couldn’t help feeling a bit embarrassed—and maybe ashamed—about letting yourself get so comfortable around him already.
It took a lot of you to feel at ease around others, and you just hoped Jeonghan wouldn’t take advantage of your vulnerability despite his reassuring words.
“You woke up at a perfect time, sleepyhead.” Jeonghan smirked at you, watching you rub your eyes.
“Why?” you asked with a frown, the boy copying you by sitting up as well. He grabbed his phone again, crossing his legs before showing you the live location of a food delivery driver entering the street.
“You ordered food?” you looked at him. Jeonghan smiled, eyes closing in a slow nod. “I’ll be right back, ducky. Don’t miss me too much,” he tapped your nose playfully before pushing himself off the bed, chuckling at you rolling your eyes as he sauntered out of his bedroom.
Jeonghan returned within a minute, flashing you the plastic bag with a smile before sitting on the edge of the bed.
“I got us burgers.” he announced, pulling out two white wrappers and a bag of fries to put in between you.
Jeonghan ate a fry, humming as he chewed while opening a packet of ketchup. “Are you hungry?” he asked, grabbing a couple of fries again. You nodded, unwrapping your burger slowly before meeting his gaze again.
Jeonghan cocked up his eyebrows, smiling as he watched you. “What’s going on in that little head of yours?” he asked in amusement.
You sighed, frowning for a bit as you searched for your words.
“Do you think… we’ll even convince him?” you asked him hesitantly.
Jeonghan cocked his head to the side. “Of course we will. You don’t think so?” he took a bite of his burger, nodding his head towards yours to get you to eat already.
“I’m not sure,” you sighed again before looking down at your cheeseburger, choosing not to further bother him with your insecurities before finally taking a big bite.
He could tell you had more on your mind than you led on, carefully watching you as he chewed his food. Jeonghan chose not to ask too many questions—not yet.
After finishing your food you headed back to the sorority. It was dark out, and if you stayed out for much longer your sorority sisters would undoubtedly start asking questions you didn’t want to answer.
As you left the frat you thought about how different Jeonghan really was compared to how you’d perceived him. He was funny, and more importantly, he was kind. So kind he’d given you his jacket so you wouldn’t get cold on your walk home. It felt good being around him, as though you were finally seen. Really seen.
You zipped up the dark blue jacket, the back adorned with big white ΙΖ' lettering, smiling to yourself like a creep as you thought about all of the dumb jokes Jeonghan had fed you the whole night.
Soonyoung sipped on his diet coke as he watched Seokmin and you work on your assignment, brown irises flickering between the two of you as he sat in silence.
He didn’t notice the familiar jacket you’d purposely left on the table next to your laptop, or how awkwardly your frame shifted in the stiff chair beneath the buzzing lights of the study hall.
You hadn’t been in contact with Jeonghan all day, assuming you’d see him again at the group meeting. Only he hadn’t shown up, the boys beside you mentioning how he’d told them he had been too tired to leave the house.
It had only been half an hour since you’d started working on coding a website for your three product skincare line—a task that would be a whole lot easier if Soonyoung and Seokmin had done their part of the assignment. Which they hadn’t.
At least you’d gotten somewhere today. The basics weren’t hard, you’d already finished most of the HTML structure and some basic CSS. To continue you needed to know what products you’d use—Seokmin’s task—and the color scheme and logo that would represent your website—which was what Soonyoung had to do.
You reminded yourself you all had the whole semester to finish, so for now you could relax. But you felt anything but relaxed, your body on edge in the presence of Soonyoung.
The screen of your phone lit up, your jaw ticking when you read the message.
Yoon Jeonghan: go flirt with him ;)
You accidentally met Soonyoung’s gaze, forcing yourself to give him a stiff smile. Soonyoung smiled back at you, straightening up in his chair before motioning to your laptop.
“Can I see?” he had a hopeful look on his face, his chubby cheeks growing in size as he smiled wider.
Jeonghan’s words echoed in your head, sending your pulse racing. Your stomach felt tight, gulping before you nodded and turned the screen to him. Why was this so hard?
“Oh! You did all this?” Soonyoung scanned the simple website you’d created, easily impressed by your abilities.
You nodded. “Yeah… It’ll look better after we have a logo and stuff,” you rambled, watching Soonyoung slowly pout. “Right,” he giggled, exhaling a soft breath. “I’ll get us a kick-ass logo soon, promise.” he smiled, making Seokmin chuckle in amusement. He obviously didn’t have much trust in his friend.
You called it a day soon after, feeling a bit defeated as you had no idea how to go about this. Sure, it was one thing to fake-date Soonyoung’s best friend, but without Jeonghan you had no clue how to act in front of him. You felt lost.
Things were basically the same as before—strictly friendly. That was it.
You sighed in defeat at the scene in front of you. Small groups of random students you didn’t recognize sipped on their cheap bottles of beer, chatting away without a care in the world.
“We won’t be long,” Jeonghan bumped your shoulder, already reading your mind. He smirked at the glare you were sending his way. “We just need to be seen together.” he explained for what seemed like the nth time, making you hum uninterested.
The frat seemed to get rowdier by the minute as Jeonghan poured you a drink in the kitchen. A special drink, or how he’d called it.
You didn’t want to admit it, but you were feeling nervous. It was the first time you’d so openly be seen together with Jeonghan. And you were still doubting all of it.
It wasn’t only the inquisitive eyes of strangers you dreaded—or Soonyoung’s, it was also the fact that your best friend would come.
You had no idea how you would convince her you’d randomly started dating Yoon Jeonghan out of all people, afraid she’d see right through you. How could she not?
Jeonghan handed you a glass with an almost black liquor, cocking up his eyebrow at you as he waited. You accepted it hesitantly before taking a big gulp. You figured you needed alcohol for this anyway.
“God, what’s in this?” you cringed at the heavy flavor, making the boy next to you laugh.
“You’ve never had jagermeister?” he snorted before bringing the rim to his quirked lips.
“Straight?” your eyes widened, watching him swallow down the drink.
“No, silly. I added coke.” he smiled, the essence from the liquor coating his lips.
You rolled your eyes, relaxing as he put his arm around you. “Calm down, ducky. You’re so on edge today,” he observed aloud, softly squeezing your shoulder. You only sighed, scanning the body of people before you.
Almost immediately, you made eye contact with Jaehee, who excitedly walked up to Jeonghan and you. She seemed pretty smug when she noticed Jeonghan’s arm around you, tilting her eyebrows playfully as she got closer.
“Hi y/nnie, Jeonghan,” she grinned. Jeonghan gave her a courtesy nod, smiling politely as he slid his hand down to rest atop your waist. The sensation of having his hand there caught you off guard for a moment.
“What’s all this? You know you’re not supposed to mix business with pleasure, right?” She teased, awfully surprised at the seemingly random pairing.
You didn’t question her reaction. Despite her not knowing about the grudge you’d held against Jeonghan for well over a year, she was very aware of your crush on Soonyoung. Which made Jeonghan and you together somewhat odd.
“Guess the cat’s out of the bag,” Jeonghan chuckled, pulling you closer to kiss the top of your head. “Had to pull out all of my charm for this one,” he continued, and you admired how well he was playing his role.
“Oh, i’m sure. You got the pick of the litter, Yoon Jeonghan,” Jaehee winked at you as she talked you up.
Her eyes easily found Jeonghan again. “But, make her sad once and see what happens.” Her lips pressed together in a straight line.
Jeonghan smiled, looking down at you as if you were the only one in the room. “I wouldn’t dream of it.” he almost whispered as you met his eye. You only blinked at him, not knowing how to respond before he chuckled at you and softly nudged your cheek with the back of his fingers, leaving the skin tingling from his touch.
“I have to restock the coolers real quick before the beer bros start complaining,” Jeonghan squeezed your waist before letting go of you. “I’ll give you two a minute.” he smiled, patting your head before walking off.
“What the fuck?!” Jaehee yell-whispered at you as you watched Jeonghan disappear. You had to remind yourself to act natural. This was all a part of the plan, after all.
“You’re dating Jeonghan? How did that happen?” Jae crossed her arms over her chest, a pleased smirk forming on her glossy lips.
You gave her a smile. “Oh, you know…” you brushed it off, chuckling.
“Is this why you’ve been so off lately?” she asked, shaking her head in amazement. You frowned as you took a sip of your overpowering drink. “I haven’t been off,” you told her after finishing your glass in one gulp.
“You so have!” she giggled, pushing your shoulder playfully. You only laughed, shrugging. “Maybe.” you pouted, giggling at the expression she was giving you.
Jaehee shook her head again in amazement, turning to the kitchen island to pour herself a drink.
Though you did feel bad for lying, you tried not to think about it for now. You’d tell her eventually, after all of this would merely be a funny memory you’d laugh at looking back.
“So,” she started, turning back to you with a mischievous grin. “Did you have sex with him yet?” she leaned in, reading your reaction carefully.
“Jaehee…” you rolled your eyes and laughed, trying not to seem too caught off guard at the question. The thought of it brought goosebumps to your skin, and you reached for the bottle of vodka on the counter to mask the shaky breath you suddenly had to let out. You needed it for emotional support anyway with Jeonghan not there to do the talking for you.
“Oh, come on! You got your first boyfriend and you want me to be cool about it?” she sulked.
“I don’t want to jinx anything yet,” you told her coolly, chuckling at her sighing out loud. “Fair.” she smiled sweetly, dropping it for now.
Soonyoung hadn’t spared you a second glance after his initial greeting—a mere wave—off laughing with Seokmin and some random girl for what had already felt like hours.
Jeonghan had been gone for a while already, and you were starting to feel restless without him. You blamed it on the scene in front of you—the way Soonyoung’s laugh echoed far too loudly at whatever the girl was telling him, his arm deliberately brushing her shirt. Your skin prickled almost painfully at the sight as you tried to pay attention to Jae’s rant about something Mingyu had done.
Still, Seokmin was right there. Equally as loud, friendly, exactly the buffer that should’ve made all of this easier to stomach. And yet… it didn’t. The restlessness lingered like a breath you couldn't fully release. An itch you couldn’t reach.
You kept glancing over at Soonyoung, but the longer you looked, the less you recognised him. The somewhat quiet, awkward kid you used to know felt like someone else entirely now. You were beginning to fear that you were chasing a past version of him, one that didn’t even exist anymore. You realised you were looking through the lens of someone who used to know him.
Maybe you were just doing this all wrong. Maybe if you were louder, or bolder—better, you wouldn’t be feeling this defeated.
There was a dull, stubborn ache in your chest that kept on growing, one that you couldn’t ignore no matter how hard you tried. The thought of doing all of this without even knowing if you still even wanted it stung, and all you wanted was to flee. All you wanted was for Jeonghan to make you laugh again.
“Fuck, okay—I’m gonna go find him,” Jaehee sighed after getting out all her pent up frustration, taking the remainder of her drink as a shot. “I’m going to confront him—remind him I’m a bad bitch who doesn’t take shit. Wish me luck.” Her jaw stiffened, eyes scanning the room to catch sight of Mingyu.
“Good luck, girl,” you forced a smile. You really didn’t want to be by yourself right now. But you didn’t say anything, watching her sigh before getting lost in the crowd.
You had the perfect opportunity to leave the party, walk the short route back to the sorority and simply call it a night. The alcohol had made you tired anyway.
Yet you found yourself sipping on another drink on the couch.
You were hoping Jeonghan would come find you. Whenever you were with him you seemed to forget about everything that gnawed at you. He was quickly becoming your comfort in all of the chaos you felt. Maybe he was the cause of it, too.
As if on cue, you spotted the long-haired boy in the sea of people. “There you are,” he said when he got close enough. His voice soothed you, and you already felt a bit better. Jeonghan slotted himself next to you on the couch with a low groan, his warm hand finding your knee as if it were natural.
“What’s wrong?” he squeezed you when you didn’t greet him. You shrugged.
Jeonghan looked at you for a moment, his big eyes reading you. “Is this about Soonyoung?” he blinked.
You exhaled a breath. “It’s stupid.”
“Probably,” he said, earning a glare. Jeonghan only smiled.
“C’mon, tell Jeonghannie,” He put his arm around you, pulling you closer to him.
“I hate that.” you grumbled at the way he was referring to himself, making him chuckle. “Stop moping, little ducky,” he began stroking your hair..
You sighed, chewing on your bottom lip. You just looked at him for a moment, his features softening as he noted your hesitance.
“I don’t think I can do this,” you said carefully, frowning a little. You felt vulnerable vocalizing what’d been plaguing your mind, but somehow it eased the weight off your shoulders too.
His brown eyes didn’t leave yours, sympathy growing on his handsome face. Jeonghan then softly hummed in acknowledgment. “Why do you think that?” he simply asked.
You sighed again, looking away. “Just… It’s stupid—I don’t have a chance with him anyway,” you mumbled, making Jeonghan cock up his eyebrows.
“Huh? Of course you do, silly,” Jeonghan softly shook you, smiling at you sparingly. He wondered why you continued to put yourself down.
You looked at him, doubt clear on your face. “I don’t think so.” you shrugged. It was Jeonghan’s turn to sigh. “Well, you’re wrong.” he fixed a stray strand of your hair, putting the lock behind your ear.
You chuckled bitterly. “I’m not his type. I’m not… confident, or assertive… no one ever likes me,” your jaw tightened a bit as you spoke, your throat closing up.
Jeonghan frowned at you, pausing for a moment. “That’s not true y/n,” he shook his head, observing you carefully. “Like, not at all.” He sighed before gently nudging your chin, looking at you. You softly pouted, not really knowing what to say.
“Do you even know how lucky he’d be to have you?” he added, his sweet words only making you somber.
“He’ll see that too, so don't try to act like someone you’re not. You’re already perfect.” Jeonghan reassured you, holding your chin to keep you from looking away from him again. You swallowed a lump in your throat.
“Such a pretty girl…” he then hummed with a smile, only making things worse. You hated how much his words impacted you—how easily they reached the parts of you you tried to keep hidden.
“He’d be such an idiot…” he whispered, taking you in carefully.
You avoided his gaze, unable to repress the tears that were starting to form in the corners of your eyes. You didn’t know why it hit so hard—maybe because you wanted to believe it.
“Aigooya,” Jeonghan reached out to dry your tears. “Don’t cry on me, little ducky,” he pouted before giving your cheek a soft squeeze, slowly starting to smile.
“I’ll talk you up to him, okay? I promise.” he assured you. You blinked away your tears and exhaled a breath to compose yourself, nodding as you gave him a little smile.
“Good. Now, don’t be sad—or Jaehee will scold me for being a bad boyfriend.” he sighed, making you chuckle in the middle of all of this.
“I’m okay… thank you, Hannie.” you sniffled.
Jeonghan cocked his head to the side at the nickname you’d given him, smirking in amusement. “I already got a nickname? I must be good at this fake boyfriend thing.” he teased you, laughing when you pushed him.
“Ow!” he giggled. “Keep teasing me and I might start thinking you actually like me,” Jeonghan grinned, making you roll your eyes. “I’m not teasing you.” you tried not to smile.
“Oh? Calling me that is teasing, ducky.” he put his arm around you again, smiling as he pulled you into his embrace, this time keeping you there.
“You call me that stupid nickname every two seconds and I’m the one teasing?” you looked up at him, your cheek resting against his shoulder as he kept you close.
“I never said I wasn’t,” Jeonghan smirked, almost challenging you to say something back.
You could feel your face starting to heat up, not knowing how to get back at him. There was a brief pause between the two of you.
“You know,” Jeonghan then whispered, momentarily looking behind you before his sharp eyes invaded yours again. He licked his lips before glancing at yours, and the subtle action made you slightly nervous. “I know just how to get people’s attention,” the corner of his mouth rose, waiting on how you’d react. Now you were getting really nervous.
Still, you didn’t know what to say.
Jeonghan looked perfect as he studied you, like he already knew what you were thinking. You were terrified he might. Your quietness, your hesitation… you were convinced it only enticed him. But what if you were just imagining the sudden heaviness hanging in the air?
“What, you don’t want to kiss me?” his lip threatened to curl up again, though he tried his best not to.
Oh.
You blinked at him in surprise, too afraid to assume that he was actually serious.
“Jeonghan…” you whispered shyly, feeling your heart beating out of your chest.
Jeonghan knew you weren’t saying no—he could see it in your eyes, in the way you were looking at him the same way he had been looking at you. You wanted to. He wasn’t dumb. But you were simply too timid to initiate what he’d been alluding to.
He then gently cupped your cheek, fingers burning against your warm skin as he slowly leaned in. His lips parted in a pleased smirk noticing the hazy look hiding behind your eyes, thumb swiping your cheek to lure your blown pupils to meet his, commanding your full and uttermost attention. You melted under his touch, watching his long lashes fan his cheeks as he closed them, before his lips finally met yours in a soft but long kiss.
The party was all a blur by now, fixated on the feeling of Jeonghan’s lips and his body leaning into yours. You felt hot, and maybe not just because of the alcohol in your system. Just when you started to fear he’d pull away, Jeonghan purred against your mouth, holding you tighter before tracing a line on your bottom lip with his tongue. You let him take the lead, let him do as he pleased as he left you whimpering with a mere tug of his teeth.
You realised he’s messing with you even now, feeling him smile whenever he gets a sound out of you. You didn’t care this time, finding your hand suddenly clutching his shirt at his side as Jeonghan deepened the kiss, hearing the wet smacking sounds even over the music you had already tuned out.
You kissed Jeonghan back with equal fever. You were vaguely aware of people watching—You didn’t care. You didn’t want to stop. You moaned into his mouth at the sensation, a mess of spit and teeth that had your cheeks burn with anticipation.
It all felt a little too real—but maybe if you convinced yourself it was as real as it felt, others would believe it too. Even if Soonyoung didn’t see what was happening, word would spread eventually.
Then, he stopped.
“Let’s go to my room,” Jeonghan whispered, linking your fingers together before getting up and pulling you with him.
You only nodded, ignoring the quiet sting of something unfinished as he led you through the body of people, away from the rowdy living room.
You’d gotten what Jeonghan had promised—something to make all of this seem believable. And getting seen leaving together was the icing on the cake.
Your lips still tingled from the kiss, though you tried not to show how much Jeonghan had unraveled you as you entered his bedroom together. You were finally away from the party, and you could let yourself relax now. You exhaled a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding before smiling, feeling Jeonghan’s eyes on you as you kicked off your shoes and crawled onto his bed.
“Mission accomplished,” you joked, lying down with a groan and stretching out your limbs to get comfortable.
Jeonghan didn’t respond. You watched him crawl onto the bed after you, mirroring your movements. You smiled at him, expecting him to roll onto his back next to you—only to freeze when he climbed on top of you instead.
Jeonghan kissed you again. Only this time he didn’t intend on stopping.
Your breath hitched against his lips, hands finding his shoulders as you let him.
The way his weight pressed into you made your head spin, like you were his for the taking.
His elbows framed your face, soft, long hairs brushing your face—you couldn’t think anymore. You didn’t want to think anymore.
“Jeonghan—“ you finally whispered, your body on fire as he shushed you with a long peck. You suppressed a moan and squeezed his shoulder in vain at the way he kept sucking and biting your bottom lip, a veil of pleasure spreading through every inch of you.
“Jeonghan—Wha-what are you doing?” you managed to stutter through your haze, feeling yourself practically glued to the mattress.
Jeonghan cupped your cheeks, giving you a long peck. “Can’t help myself. Y’re just so cute,” he mumbled before kissing you again, sighing when you started kissing him back.
The tips of his fingers found your skin under the hem of your top, brushing your hip almost hesitantly as if you could pull away at any moment, like any wrong move would bring you back to your senses and have you slip away from him.
You pulled him closer, sighing at the feeling of his hand slowly stroking up your side. Your back curled autonomously at the gentle caress, pressing your head into the pillow as Jeonghan ground his hips against yours.
Nimble fingers pulled up the cup of your bra, plumped pink lips pecking your ajar mouth as he squeezed your breast. You spread your thighs wider for him before pulling on the ends of his hair, kissing him hard as you started panting at the friction of his groin grinding against your clothed cunt.
“Hannie…” you whispered, curling your back again.
“Yes, ducky?” Jeonghan asked softly, rolling your nipple between his fingers.
“Please…” you gulped, letting go of his hair to pull at the hem of his shirt.
You’d never fake dated before, but you were sure you were breaking every rule in the book.
Jeonghan slowly started kissing down to your neck, only stopping to rid himself of the fabric you wanted gone. His smooth back felt soft as you shyly traced a line over the fair skin, eyes closing with a sigh when he sucked on a particularly sensitive spot where your neck met your shoulder.
“Is this still okay?” Jeonghan whispered against your skin, his fingers splayed over your exposed stomach where your top had ridden up, softly kneading your waist. You nodded, and he softly moaned when your nails brushed the nape of his neck, tangling gently in his long hair.
You guided his lips back to yours, all signs of modesty ignored, evident in the way your tongue nastily demanded his.
“Fuck.” Jeonghan breathed. “Can I touch you, baby?” he asked, squeezing your waist while his thumbs pushed down against the waistband of your jeans. Eagerly, you nodded. “Yes, please,” you mumbled against his lips, feeling the corners of his mouth tug up.
You sucked on his bottom lip to silence any potential sneer that would follow, smiling at the hushed curse that followed.
Jeonghan kept kissing you as he undid the button of your jeans, fingers dipping into the fabric to tug them down to your knees.
The short sensation of his body grinding against you had already left a mess between your legs, leaving a subtle dark patch on your panties.
You didn’t give Jeonghan much of an opportunity to pull away from you, mewling against his mouth at the sudden feeling of his fingers slowly starting to rub your clit.
Your body started meeting his touch, hips following his movement as your jaw slacked.
Jeonghan softly hummed, brown eyes fixated on your face as he kept pecking your top lip.
“More, Hannie…” your chest tightened when you met his eye, a heavy veil settling over your body as the weight of what the two of you were doing sank in.
Jeonghan looked down at you, taking a beat too long to respond as if he had realized the exact same thing. Then he smiled—almost smirking before applying more pressure.
You moaned, squeezing your eyes shut for a quick second before giving him a hard kiss. You softly shook your head. “More.” you told him again, a short wave of anxiety seeping through your body that instantly disappeared again when he dipped his fingers inside of your panties, finally touching you where you needed him.
“Is this better?” he whispered, smiling when you gave him this look, begging for him to kiss you properly again.
“Yes,” you said almost inaudibly, your nails raking over the back of his neck at the feeling of his soft lips pushing against yours.
He circled your clit with his thumb, his fingers taunting your burning entrance.
You spread your thighs even further, hoping it would lead to him pushing his fingers deep inside of you already.
Instead, Jeonghan took his time teasing your clit and entrance, thumb pushing into your nub as two of his fingers brushed against your wet hole.
Your hands slid to his cheeks, cupping his face before moaning into his mouth. You could feel him smile at the sounds he was inciting out of you, only spurring the both of you on more.
His digits pushed against your entrance, starting to dip inside of you before stopping right when you started to feel your entrance burn. They slipped back against your wet entrance, a chuckle rolling out of his throat when you exhaled a breath of frustration.
“Say please,” Jeonghan purred against your lips, now completely abandoning your core to gently pinch your clit. You exhaled another breath, brows furrowing while your cheeks grew hotter.
“Jeonghan…” you whispered, squeezing his shoulder in hopes of having him give in to you.
“Come on, just like you did before,” he continued, failing to hide how much he enjoyed the reaction he had on you.
You sighed, feeling as if you were cloud nine as he started nibbling on your bottom lip.
“Please…” you gulped, imagining his long fingers pushing inside of you.
“Good girl,” Jeonghan mumbled, his hot tongue finding yours before he did just that, two digits starting to slowly enter you. A moan filled the air, your breath hitching as your pussy stretched to accommodate his fingers.
He moved them at a slow pace, opening his eyes to watch you wither under him. A sight he didn’t want to ever forget.
“Does that feel good, ducky?” Jeonghan whispered, brushing your lips with his. You quickly nodded, trying to keep kissing him despite the overwhelming pleasure that kept building, putting you in a trance.
He went a bit faster, forehead touching yours as his eyes remained glued to your face. Your eyelashes fanned your cheeks, lips twitching and mouth unfurling with every delicious drag of his fingers.
“Mmnh!” you whimpered and bucked your hips when he circled your hard clit, making your thighs twitch at the friction. You tightened around him, clutching his shoulder and pulling him flat against your body as some sort of anchor.
You gasped for air, sliding a leg over his hip before pushing yours up, chasing the orgasm you felt approaching quickly.
Jeonghan kissed your nose before going even faster, dying to watch you come around his fingers.
You bit your lip, squeezing your eyes shut as pleasure bloomed inside of you, consuming you as you reached your high with another loud whimper.
“Fuck,” you moaned, sighing as your thigh unhooked from his hip and slid back down on the mattress.
Jeonghan kissed your cheek, slowly pulling his fingers out of you before sucking them clean while looking at you. He had you speechless.
“Are you okay?” Jeonghan asked softly, your eyes fixated on his plump lips. Slowly, you nodded, feeling slightly unsure as you pecked his lips. Jeonghan smiled.
“You’re cute,” he chuckled, fixing the wild strands of your hair before moving to push himself up. Your hand quickly found his bicep.
“No.” you slipped out, eyes wide and hazy as you looked at him.
Jeonghan tilted his head, blinking slowly. Then he smiled in amusement. “Aren’t you tired, baby?” Jeonghan teased you, his muscles relaxing as he found his previous position again.
You shook your head.
“Do you… do you want to?” you asked a bit unsure, only hoping you weren’t embarrassing yourself. What if the moment was just that—a moment that had now passed.
Jeonghan laughed, giving you a chaste kiss.
“Are you serious? Do you even know how hard I am right now?” he chuckled when you replied with a nod, stroking your cheek with the back of his hand before pushing himself up at last.
You watched him unbuckle his belt, admiring his pretty body whilst he rid himself of his pants. Your eyes followed a path down to his boxers, swallowing a lump in your throat at what you were seeing.
You didn’t expect just how big he were, even with the dark piece of fabric that was still covering his manhood.
“Are you gonna take it off for me?” Jeonghan asked you, his sultry voice and bedroom eyes making your chest thump. Those eyes of his would have you do anything he asked of you.
You suddenly realized you were still lying down with your pants half on, shyly tugging them down together with your panties before discarding them on the floor. You kneeled on the bed, crawling over to where Jeonghan was to push him down and settle between his thighs.
He watched you slip off your top over your head, your bra thrown on the growing pile to the side.
You bit your lip as Jeonghan admired your naked body, his hand reaching out to stroke your thigh.
“You’re so pretty,” he whispered, squeezing your skin. You gave him a small smile, trying to exhale a controlled breath as your fingers splayed over his lower tummy.
“You’re pretty too.” Your lip twitched, eyes leaving his to glide down his figure, your digits hooking into his boxers to pull at the stretchy band.
“Thank you, ducky.” Jeonghan hummed, licking his lips as he watched you get him fully naked.
Your lungs filled up with air when you saw his large cock, the tip glistening and leaking pre-cum already. You weren’t sure if you were able to fit all of him inside of you, and the mere thought of it sinking deep inside made you gulp. In a good way.
Quickly, your hand wrapped around the base, your lips parting as you leaned down a little to let a glob of spit drip down onto the red tip.
Jeonghan sighed, his eyes narrowing as he watched you carefully.
You spread the wetness all over his length, the dirty sounds filling the air even over the subtle music off in the distance. Jeonghan’s body relaxed under your touch, his mouth slightly open as he breathed deeper.
The sight in front of you had your cunt tighten around nothing. You didn’t care that you weren’t supposed to do this. Right now you needed to feel him.
Jeonghan’s hands found your waist, his breath hitching when you straddled him and fisted his hard cock to align the tip against your folds. You kissed him, softly moaning against his lips as you ground your cunt against him.
Slowly but gradually, you started sinking down, a mixture of your moans filling the air.
He was so big, and you struggled to accommodate his thick tip. “Slow down.” Jeonghan groaned, throwing his head back to release a filthy whimper as you ignored him and did your best to keep going.
“Fuck,” you moaned, clencing around his size fruitlessly. You held his shoulders to support yourself, your hips stuttering when you finally sat down on him. You exhaled a shaky breath before rolling your hips, the overstimulation killing you.
You moaned again, feeling him press right onto your G-spot.
He looked so effortlessly pretty like this. The strands of his long hair framed his face, tongue peeking out from plump lips as his chest adorned a new red-colored flush. You could feel him tighten his grip on your waist, big eyes watching you.
You found a steady rhythm, trying your best to keep yourself from cumming already—which proved to be harder than anything.
A yelp came out of you when his thumb brushed your clit just like before, your jaw slacking at the newfound pleasure running through your body. “Fuck, Jeonghan,” you gulped hard, biting your lip and moaning when he thrusted up once to meet you.
“You feel so fucking good, ducky,” Jeonghan moaned, yanking you down by your shoulder to have your chests meet. He put an arm around you, keeping you pressed against you as he planted his feet down on the mattress to fuck up into you. You whimpered hard.
“Sorry, sorry, just need you now,” he groaned, his cheek pressing against your crown.
You squeezed his shoulders, whimpering uncontrollably as he kept a head-spinning pace. You pressed your mouth against his neck, making him curse as your teeth found his skin.
Jeonghan gripped your ass, kneading the skin as the filthy sounds echoed through his bedroom.
Anyone walking past would be able to hear what was happening, and yet you really didn’t care. You were sure Jeonghan didn’t care.
Your body felt on fire, the feeling of his hands gripping you to keep you from moving leaving you breathless.
Then, he rolled you onto your back, pinning your arms above your head by your wrists as he started fucking you again. Jeonghan licked his lips, watching you wither under him with a pair of hazy eyes to match his.
God, he was big. He stretched you out so deliciously, so perfectly. You squeezed your eyes shut when his mouth encircled your nipple, sucking and biting carelessly to take you apart even further.
“Fuck. Gonna cum soon. Can’t take it anymore,” Jeonghan groaned, sucking and leaving a train of love bites from your tit to your neck. You bit your lip and nodded, sighing at how full you felt. You were right there with him, your muscles burning and your cunt pulsing as that familiar feeling spread through your body.
“D-don’t pull out.” you gulped, curling your back before moaning.
Jeonghan gave you a kiss. “Have to, baby,” he told you, trapping your wrists with one hand as the other one found your clit again. You whimpered and squirmed under him, weakly shaking your head.
“Please?” you sighed, bucking your hips. Jeonghan groaned as his lips found yours, his breath hitching.
“God—Are you sure?” he asked, his thrust becoming sloppy.
You nodded soundlessly, feeling like you were floating. As if the world around you didn’t exist.
“Yes, Hannie,” you hooked a leg around his waist, making the both of you moan in each other’s mouth.
Jeonghan felt even deeper now, massaging your bundle of nerves until he felt you starting to cum around him. He cursed at the feeling of your tight pussy gripping his cock, your body going slack against his. He stilled as his warm cum started filling you, softly moving to fuck his release deep inside.
You curled your back in pleasure, exhaling a long breath as you relished the dizzying feeling.
Jeonghan let go of your wrists to cup your cheek, pressing a long kiss on your parted lips before resting his face in the crook of your neck. He stroked your sides as he tried to catch his breath, planting more soft kisses there as his hips slowly moved against yours, before finally stopping.
You stayed like that for a moment, feeling Jeonghan’s chest rise and fall as his cock remained lodged inside of you. Only when you started to feel your mixed release dripping from where you were joined he slowly lifted his hips to let his cock fall out of you.
You bit your lip at the feeling, already missing the closeness you shared.
Jeonghan sat up and fixed his hair before helping you up, holding your hand as he wordlessly walked to the bathroom with you.
“Are you okay, ducky?” he asked softly after running the shower. You gave him a smile, nodding. “I’m good, Hannie. Are you?” you asked him, your smile growing when he nodded.
“Of course,” he squeezed your cheek before signaling for you to enter the shower, watching you step inside before following you.
Sunlight warmed your face, the fraternity oddly quiet compared to the night before. You rubbed your tired eyes before turning to an already awake Jeonghan, blinking at the ceiling as if he was deep in thought.
“Hey,” you said softly, cuddling up next to him.
Jeonghan smiled, putting his arm around you.
“Hi ducky.” he sweetly rubbed your back, tracing patterns on his shirt you were wearing.
You tried not to think too much about what had happened between you two. You weren’t ready to face the consequences of your actions yet, not today at least.
“Do you think Soonyoung saw us?” you then asked him quietly, tilting your head.
Jeonghan got quiet for a moment, momentarily stopping the tracing on your back as he looked at you.
“Yeah. Probably.”
“I think so too,” you hummed, resting your face against his chest. “Hopefully,” you added before smiling, closing your eyes again.
“Right.” Jeonghan looked at you, his fingers finding your hair again.
You didn’t realize how quiet the room had gotten again.
The distant laughing and shouting from the group of boys running around at the school’s football field brought a surprisingly comforting atmosphere–almost calming as the ball got kicked around from left to right.
Your eyes easily found Soonyoung’s figure. He was hard to miss. Maybe you were just naturally drawn to him, despite the doubt that had started growing inside of your head.
It had merely started as a tiny seed, a speck of uncertainty that had grown into something bigger—clouding your mind ever since that day not long ago. The same day where you ended up sleeping with Jeonghan.
It had only been a few days since then, but you just couldn’t figure out why you were starting to fear this plan of Jeonghan somehow working.
It’s not that you had even an inkling of trust in this plan—that hadn’t progressed one bit, mind you—It was just that Jeonghan seemed to have some kind of magical power to get whatever he wanted.
He was alluring. A pretty face that knew just what to say and when to say it was truly a deadly combination. You were sure he could convince you to jump in a ditch if he smiled at you right.
Maybe you were right to enjoy your time with Jeonghan while you figured out what you really wanted. It was no use to put an end to it now—not when your new friendship with Jeonghan was making you feel a lot happier than you’ve been for the past few years. Nothing wrong with that, right?
“Keep still,” Jeonghan teasingly pulled you back by your lock of hair he was braiding, snapping you out of your train of thought.
“Ow!” you complained with a pout, giggling when Jeonghan tsked at your obvious exaggeration.
You were sitting in front of his body with your legs crossed, plucking at the blades of grass that tickled the palms of your hands.
“Didn’t you like football, Hannie?” you frowned as your eyes followed the flock of boys running around, ignoring how he sighed whenever you moved too much for his liking. He hummed, carefully tying the bottom of your braid before finally letting go of your hair.
You quickly turned your head, Jeonghan watching your braid snapping to the side as you looked back at him.
“Then why aren’t you playing?” you asked him, watching him chuckle at you before carefully moving your braid over your shoulder.
“Can’t I spend time with my girlfriend?” he smirked at you, laughing when you rolled your eyes. “I’m being serious,” you sighed, scooting to sit next to him. “Me too.” Jeonghan grinned, draping his arm around your shoulder right as Soonyoung giggled in the background. You briefly glanced at him, exhaling in amusement as you watched him laugh, running to the other side of the field with others hot on his heels, kicking the ball in the direction of the goal.
Your eyes naturally found Jeonghan again, watching the corners of his mouth lift up as you made eye contact. For some reason the energy felt heavier in this moment, and you were overly aware of how close you were sitting. You could feel his chest expand as he breathed, smell the peach shampoo off his dark hair—or the subtle peppery, bergamot scent from his perfume that mixed in whenever he moved.
You gave him a half-smile before quickly diverting your gaze down back to the grass, routinely pulling at the blades again.
“Did you—Did you ever talk to him?” you scrunched your eyebrows momentarily as you broke the silence, shortly looking at Jeonghan before watching the blades of grass in your hand get carried away by the wind.
“Hm?” Jeonghan leaned into you at your question, his fingers finding the end of your braid to toy with.
“I mean—Did you talk to Soonyoung for me?” you clarified, looking at him sparingly.
“Oh—right. Yeah, I did,” He told you, making you kind of worried with the way he didn’t share more.
“And…?” You asked unsure, feeling more and more insecure by the second. Even the possibility of catching Soonyoung’s eye after all of these years brought goosebumps to your skin.
“He said you’re insanely cute,” Jeonghan told you, watching your reaction.
You blinked in surprise, your lips forming a subtle pout as you took in his words. Slowly, you nodded, flashing Jeonghan a small smile. “Really?” you asked him, caught off guard. Jeonghan nodded, making you giggle by squeezing your cheek. “Yes, really. I mean, who could ever resist you? It was bound to happen eventually,” he shrugged, making you cringe and bump your shoulder into his chest.
Truth was, Jeonghan was lying straight through his teeth. He had never talked with Soonyoung about you after making his promise to you. He was never planning on it, either. He didn’t know why, but for some reason he just didn’t want to. Maybe it was selfish of him, but he didn’t want to put an end to this fake relationship. Not when being with you felt like remembering something warm from a dream he didn’t want to forget.
“Hey guys!” Soonyoung exclaimed happily as he ran up to Jeonghan and you, a football tucked under his arm. “Did you see me score?!” he carelessly dropped the football before plopping down on the grass in front of the two of you, letting the ball roll a bit before settling beside him.
“Oh, of course we did Soonyoungie!” Jeonghan smiled at him, and you felt his hand find your shoulder again as he fed him the little white lie. “You did so well,”
You watched Soonyoung, his cute eyes progressively getting smaller upon getting praised by his older friend. He giggled sweetly, meeting your eye as he smiled open-mouthed, like a puppy waiting to get a treat.
“You were great,” you nodded at him, your body responding to having him in front of you after finding out what he’d supposedly said about you.
“Thank you, y/n!” Soonyoung giggled again, pouting in satisfaction. He looked almost shy, yet his demeanor quickly changed when he realised he actually came to ask something.
“Oh—Mingyu and I were thinking of cooking some meat and having drinks at home. You guys are coming too, right?” he looked between Jeonghan and you, his face relaxed as he expected you’d say yes.
You opened your mouth to answer, but Jeonghan started speaking right before you got the chance to. “We are actually about to head to y/n’s place, right ducky?” Jeonghan asked with his mouth dangerously close to your ear, his fingers starting to stroke your shoulder over your top.
You looked over at Jeonghan for a second before looking at Soonyoung. “We were?” you blinked dumbly before realising Jeonghan had made it up on the spot. He chuckled. “Yeah, we were going to work on the project for a bit,” he simply said, and if you didn’t know any better you’d believe him.
“Argh, the project?” Soonyoung scratched behind his ear, smiling playfully.
“Mhm,” Jeonghan only smiled.
“Well, maybe you guys could come after? Seungcheol hyung got us a bunch of weed, it’s gonna be fun!” Soonyoung pushed himself up from the floor as he boasted about tonight, hoping to convince his hyung.
“Yeah, maybe,” Jeonghan said uninterestedly, patting your back before the two of you mimicked the blonde-haired boy and got up from the grass.
As you walked the opposite direction of Soonyoung, exiting the somewhat crowded football field while bumping shoulders with Jeonghan, you found yourself sneaking a look at his pretty face.
His big eyes always drew you in, making you smile as you called his name. There was a hint of playfulness behind his eyes as he looked at you, as if he’d already predicted your action.
“Work on the project?” you only said, cocking up your eyebrow in curiosity.
Jeonghan chuckled, shrugging. “I want to hang out with you,” he admitted. “Just us two.” he added, smiling. “Why, did you want to be with Soonyoungie?” he smirked, his hand bumping against yours. He looked down for a second before looking back at you.
You looked away, failing to hide your smile. “I mean, isn’t that the whole reason why we’re doing this?” you chuckled, hearing him silently giggle. “Sure,” he hummed, smiling cheekily.
Jeonghan silently grabbed your wrist when the distance between you became too big for his liking, closing his eyes in a smile when you looked up at the sudden touch.
“We can go hang with them later, how does that sound ducky?” Jeonghan asked, his tone one of a kindergarten teacher affirming a small child. You hummed, and when Jeonghan silently linked your pinkies together you tried to remain calm. Collected.
“We’ll see,” you said, sneaking a look down at your hands.
Jeonghan almost grinned when he noticed, liking how you tried to act cool, as if you felt normal about it. Only, you could tell what he was doing, mustering up your courage to convince him you did feel very much normal about linking pinkies with him.
“You do know Soonyoung isn’t around, huh?” you gave him a look, smiling when he did too.
“I know,” he simply said. “But others might see us. It’s called being prepared, baby.” he purred, making you roll your eyes, though you couldn’t hide your amusement even if you tried.
“Whatever.” you sighed, making the corners of Jeonghan’s mouth twitch.
“Are you just going to stand there or are you going to help me?” you narrowed your eyes at Jeonghan, who was currently busying himself with smelling each bottle of perfume you had in your possession.
“Found my favorite,” Jeonghan turned to show you the perfume you usually wore, taking his time spraying it on his wrist and letting it dry down before smelling it on his skin. He sighed in contentment, smiling before setting it back.
“It smells best on you,” he concluded with a small shrug before finally walking towards you, sighing when he actually saw you with your laptop open.
“You really want to work on the project?” He took a seat next to you on the bed before crossing his arms over his chest. You gave him a look. “You mean the project you haven’t worked on for a single minute? Yeah,” you looked at him, making Jeonghan throw his head back in a sigh. “You know I’ve actually helped a lot, smartypants.”
You chuckled. “Yeah, by bossing us around maybe.” you cocked up your eyebrow at him, making Jeonghan scoff in disbelief. “Alright, Miss know-it-all. What have you done, then?” he sighed, smiling at you.
You shrugged, letting him snatch your laptop from your lap. He scrolled through the webpage that was open, brows furrowing slightly as he took everything in.
“Wait, ducky, did you code this?” he looked at you, slightly raising his eyebrows as he waited for your reply. You only nodded.
“Huh,” he exclaimed, blinking at the screen. “How did you do that? Isn’t that like—hard?” he frowned. “I didn’t know you could do this,” he continued, a smile growing on his lips.
You rolled your eyes at him. “Well, I am majoring in software engineering, Jeonghan,” you explained, watching a pout grow on his face.
“Wow, I didn’t know that. How did I not know? You’re so talented, y/nnie,” Jeonghan smiled cheekily, pinching your cheek in affection. You whined as you slapped his hand away, laughing at him. “You never asked,” you chuckled, feeling a little shy.
“Mhm, you’re right. I guess I didn’t…” he clicked his tongue, remembering how he had never really spoken to you prior to getting paired together for the project, how getting to know you had been the least of his worries back then.
He smiled watching you trying not to sulk, finding it cute that you were obviously thinking about his past indifference as well.
“M sorry about that, ducky. I know I annoyed you a lot in the past,” Jeonghan looked at you, fingers instinctively finding your braid again. He ran the pad of his thumb down the textured hair, his eyelashes fluttering as he blinked slowly.
You rolled your eyes playfully, the corners of your mouth tugging up as you realized how much you despised him then. That same smirk that used to irk you whenever you caught Jeonghan’s mischievous expression from the back of class was now the very reason you felt so alive.
“You still annoy me,” you bit your lip trying to hide your smile, laughter bubbling from your throat when your words seemed to catch him off guard, his mouth opening in an ‘o’.
“You’re so gonna regret that.” Jeonghan smirked, quickly setting aside your laptop to tickle you. You let out a scream, trying to squirm away as his fingers crept up your sides to your armpits.
“Jeonghan! Stop!” you laughed, your body instinctively flinching from the attack.
Jeonghan giggled, his eyes almost manic as he relished in the reaction he was getting out of you. “My god, I don't think I’ve ever gotten you this loud, ducky,” Jeonghan smirked, getting one more squeal out of you before allowing you to grab his wrists to stop him.
The boy in front of you definitely did not realize how his words evoked a certain memory with you, cheeks growing hotter as you’re forced to replay the images you’d been actively pushing away for days.
You let go of his wrists when he spoke, “Alright, let’s work on this project then,” he hummed, completely oblivious as he opened your laptop.
You caught yourself looking directly at his mouth, a shameful kind of tingle spreading through your body. You forced your eyes away, looking at your lap instead. You missed his mouth, his kisses. You think you could kiss Jeonghan for hours if he let you. Oh my god, focus, you thought to yourself.
“You okay?” Jeonghan cocked up his brow as he noticed your tense body. You nodded.
“God, I hate this. Okay, whatever,” Jeonghan trailed off as he scrolled through your notes, already dreading having to waste his energy on school. “Did you know I once bribed a teacher so I didn’t have to do a group project?” he briefly looked up to catch your reaction, hiding a smirk as he started typing something.
“What?” You barely caught what he said, gulping when he started laughing out loud. “Just kidding. But it sounded quite believable, right?” he licked his lips, a lock of his hair falling in his eye.
You were sitting so close to each other. You only had to lean in and you could experience the same dizzying sensation of meeting his warm lips again.
So, you did. Jeonghan blinked in surprise when you gave him a chaste kiss, high on adrenaline and drunk on your desires, not giving him a chance to react before kissing him for a second time.
A part of you felt like crying, unable to place all the different kinds of thoughts and feelings that were whirling inside of you. It was all so unfamiliar, and you felt too vulnerable. If Jeonghan were to reject your advances you were afraid of how it would all manifest.
“y/n—“ Jeonghan’s words got muffled when you kissed him again, pushing your laptop away from his lap to kiss him properly.
His hands found your cheeks, tongue eagerly meeting yours as his body crowded you until your back met the mattress. Before you knew it he was already on top of you. “You little minx,” Jeonghan mumbled jokingly, squeezing your face before kissing you harder.
You knew you probably shouldn’t have initiated anything, but it all just felt so natural. You kept kissing him, sucking on his bottom lip before teasingly biting the supple skin. Jeonghan groaned, gripping your shoulders to keep you pinned below him.
“Thought you wanted to go see Soonyoung?” Jeonghan asked, moaning when you purposely tugged on the ends of his hair.
You shook your head, taking in a sharp breath when Jeonghan broke the kiss to tentatively encircle your throat with this hand—softly—just to see your reaction.
He seemed oddly surprised to see the aroused look in your eyes, smirking as he softly leaned in—only to stop right before his lips made contact with yours. He giggled meanly when you tried to kiss him back, a brief veil of shame tingling your body.
“Aw, you wanna kiss me that bad?” he cooed, pouting at you mockingly. Jeonghan loved to have you like this, all shy and nervous. So unsure.
“Are you not gonna answer me, ducky?” Jeonghan tightened his grip on your neck a little, biting his lip as he smiled cockily watching your eyes widen. Only, he easily could tell you wanted more.
“You like this, huh?” he grinned.
You tried to nod. “Like anything u do, Hannie,” you admitted, making him mumble a curse in response.
Your words only spurred him on more, and a euphoric feeling spread through his body as he watched you sprawled out underneath him with his hand fanned out over your throat. The sudden high caught him off guard.
He gave your nose a soft kiss, softly pulling away to look at you. He paused for a moment before letting go of you, smiling apologetically when you seemed confused.
“What’s wrong?” you whispered, frowning.
He sighed. “I don’t know about this, ducky,” Jeonghan slowly turned on his side and moved a lock of your hair from your face, not quite knowing why he suddenly felt this odd feeling brooding inside of his chest.
You mimicked him by turning on your side, staying quiet for a moment as you thought. “Do you… regret what happened?” you whispered, suddenly feeling insecure.
Jeonghan shook his head. “No. No, baby. You know I want to—It’s just—We shouldn’t, you know? We’re only…” he sighed, not finishing his sentence.
You slowly nodded, but you really didn’t care about what was right and what wasn’t. You didn’t want to say it, but you having sex had been because of Jeonghan initiating first. It was his fault, so you really didn’t care.
You leaned in to peck his pout. “I know… I do, just—just for a little bit, Hannie,” you got even closer, the tops of your fingers grazing his chest before finding their way down. Jeonghan stroked your cheek before leaning in to softly kiss you again, sighing as your hand brushed over his crotch.
Despite knowing what was right, he wanted this too. Jeonghan needed to have you. Over and over again.
He began to undo your jeans as your hand slipped down his, smiling as you started stroking his hardening cock.
Jeonghan moaned at the feeling of your hand pumping his length, biting his lip whilst the tips of his fingers teased your slit over your panties.
“No teasing.” you warned him, earning a knowing grin from the boy in front of you.
“Alright,” he released a shaky breath, fingers easily finding your wet clit to play with.
You were both still laying on your sides, and your head tipped back as pleasure bloomed inside of you. Jeonghan took the opportunity to kiss your neck, his teeth dragging across your skin to incite a gasp from you.
“More, Hannie,” you whispered, angling your hips for him.
Jeonghan sucked the skin under your ear, keeping his fingers at a set pace without straying from your bundle of nerves. He knew you’d be asking him for more soon, and that’s exactly why he didn’t plan on giving in just yet.
You squeezed his cock at the lack of response, making him meet your eye as you began moving your hand faster. You could just tell by the look he was giving you he was up to something, sighing at him in pleasurable annoyance.
You went even faster, earning a high-pitched whimper from Jeonghan, who still didn’t give you what you asked for.
Agitated, you halted all movement to hook your leg over his hip, pressing your lips against his while starting to grind your cunt against his hard cock.
Jeonghan firmly grabbed your hip, moaning against your lips as he grinded with you.
Your tongue slipped into his warm mouth, your arms encircling his head to keep kissing him.
Annoying, suffocating clothes found the floor, your bodies quick to find each other again after discarding all of the pieces of fabric.
“Fuck,” Jeonghan mumbled against your lips. He squeezed your ass, helping move you against him till the both of you were left panting in each other’s mouths.
“Please, Hannie. M-more,” you moaned at the friction of his length gliding between your pussy lips, his tip rubbing your clit as his balls pressed against your entrance.
Still, Jeonghan wanted to tease you. An image of you crying, begging for his cock haunted his head, and he needed to see that come true with his own eyes right this moment.
“Can’t,” he said between kisses, making you whine.
“Hannie…” you tried again, nibbling on his bottom lip.
Jeonghan smacked your ass hard, gripping your skin as he moved you harder against him. You moaned at the pain and pleasure, your hand finding a lock of his hair to hold onto.
“Y-Yes we can.” you softly tugged on his hair, commanding his attention. You pecked his lips softly, hoping to get what you wanted.
Jeonghan chuckled in amusement, spanking your ass again. “No.” he said, smiling at the hiss leaving your mouth.
He took notice of you getting agitated instead, figuring if he wanted you to cry for him he needed to fuck you to tears instead.
“Hurry, Jeonghan.” you complained in annoyance, having had enough of his games. Jeonghan hummed, giving you a soft kiss before moving a hand down to grab his hard cock. “You’re so needy,” he said in amusement before aligning his tip with your entrance, only getting a breathless sigh in response.
He sheathed himself inside of you in one go, moaning at the feeling of your pussy. Oh, how he’d missed this.
You whimpered at the stretch, hooking your leg tighter around his hip so it wouldn’t slide down.
Jeonghan started kissing you roughly before beginning to thrust, wrapping his arms around you to keep you pinned against his body. You moaned against his lips, gripping his locks for support as you relished in the feeling of him fucking you.
Still, he had this urge to be even closer to you, though he didn’t know how. Jeonghan rolled you on your back, looking into your eyes as he set a slower, much deeper pace.
“Hannie…” you sighed, cupping his cheeks to give him a long kiss. Jeonghan smiled at you when you pulled back, resting his forehead against yours as he kept going.
He suddenly felt the need to be gentle with you, to show you how much you had started to mean to him in such a short period of time. He couldn’t stop looking at your face—at the way your jaw tightened every time he bottomed out, or how your mouth opened and closed autonomously. Your drawn eyebrows twitched with every sound spilling out of you, the sounds like music to his ears.
You wrapped your legs around his waist, your hips stuttering at how deep he was. “Don’t stop,” you moaned, putting your arms around his torso. You bit your lip as you looked up at him, Jeonghan’s fingers slowly stroking up your side before he wrapped his arms around your body too. You looked at each other, room quiet apart from your mixed pleasure, together with the forgotten sounds of the bed creaking. Rhythmic, deep thrusts brought you both closer to the edge, your breathing getting louder as you forgot about the outside world. Or the situation you were in.
As you came around Jeonghan with a guttural moan, he found himself losing control. You pressed your lips to his, nails digging into his back at the peak of your orgasm. Jeonghan spilled inside of you next, holding you tighter with a groan to match yours.
Your body squirmed, hips slowly grinding against him as you came down from your high. You peeled your lips from Jeonghan, who tried to catch his breath as you gave him a smile.
Somewhere there, he contemplated if he’d just made love to you, blinking through his haze. Did he? Did you think so too?
He gave your cheek a peck before rolling off you, feeling your warm body seeking his. “Tired?” he asked, stroking your shoulder. You hummed while nodding, putting the covers over your bodies.
As Jeonghan lay on his back, catching his breath and watching your blinking, tired eyes grow heavier, it suddenly all made sense to him. The stubborn unwillingness to push Soonyoung to ask you out, the selfish need to keep you close for just a tad longer, or the odd knot in his stomach whenever he looked at you.
His eyes found your soft lips, swollen and chapped from kissing you for what felt like hours. Your mouth shyly curled up as you snuggled against him, the soft pads of your fingers stroking his chest before nuzzling your cheek against his arm. Your naked bodies pressed together, seeking closeness despite still feeling hot from the sex.
He felt it as he looked at you. A warm feeling spread through his chest, reaching every corner and crevice of his body.
Jeonghan had fallen for you.
Before he could stop himself he gently lifted up his hand to stroke your cheek, resisting the urge to sigh when your eyes closed instinctively.
He also realized he had been sabotaging your chances with Soonyoung—not intentionally, of course. Or maybe it was.
Fuck, he felt bad. He felt like an asshole for being so selfish. For falling in love with you.
A part of him screamed at him to just keep going like he had been. Just for a little bit. But it felt unfair to you, despite how much he liked spending time with you. It had been so easy making you a part of his life, his routine—as natural as breathing. He didn’t want it to end.
But he knew you were doing this for one reason only. It was his problem he had fallen for you, and from now on he knew he had to help you.
You were amazing, funny, and smart—And Soonyoung would see that too. He knew he would. He had to. And even though Soonyoung had never explicitly brought you up, you were insanely cute.
“Hey, y/nnie?” Jeonghan whispered, secretly hoping you would be already asleep.
“Hm?” you opened one eye before the other, making Jeonghan smile weakly as he started stroking your hair.
He almost couldn’t get the words out, his voice seemingly stuck in his throat. He forced a cough. “Maybe it would be a good idea to ask Soonyoung out yourself,” he suggested, his tone devoid of sincerity.
You blinked at him, your brain barely functioning with how tired you felt.
“Really?” you whispered, failing to hide the frown creasing your brows. The words almost hurt your stomach. Even if you wanted to, you didn’t think you’d have that kind of courage.
“Yeah. I forgot he’s kinda terrible at making the first move. He can be shy like that. He will definitely say yes, though,” Jeonghan nodded, giving you a smile.
Slowly, you nodded too. “I hope so.” you mumbled, making Jeonghan chuckle.
“I know so. Told you he thinks you’re cute,”
“Alright,” a smile slowly spread over your face. Jeonghan did know Soonyoung best, and if he thought it would work then you would at least try to gather your courage.
“Thank you, Hannie.” You kissed Jeonghan’s cheek before closing your eyes again, relaxing against his warm body as he pulled you closer.
You couldn’t help but feel sad it would really be over like this.
After three whole days of contemplating on how to approach Soonyoung, you were at a loss. It also didn’t help that Jeonghan hadn’t texted you at all in the last couple of days, which was unlike him.
You chewed on your bottom lip as you sat outside on a school bench, ignoring the background noise as the people around you went on about their day.
You really missed Jeonghan. And although you realized you had probably only played a small role in his life, and you had only started to get to know him for a short time, you grieved the time you spent together.
You exhaled a long sigh.
It didn’t matter anymore. This had all been for Kwon Soonyoung anyway.
You had spotted him twice in the last few days. Once on campus, and once sitting outside on the same bench you were sitting on now.
You were hoping he would walk by and spot you, and the conversation would flow naturally from there. A part of you was nervous you would actually see him, afraid you’d shut down and not know what to say, make a complete fool of yourself.
At least you’d have your answer then. You could go back to your boring life to study and not go out again in the safe bubble you’d lived in your entire life.
That had been your life, and you were happy with it. But now, the thought of going back to the way things were seemed boring to you.
No, you needed this to work. You were done sabotaging yourself.
All the doubt, the anxiety, the newfound reluctance that had been growing—it was all merely fear of change. Fear of stepping out of your comfort zone—and maybe, even fear of happiness.
This had all been so scary for you, so new and intense. But it would all be worth it soon. You prayed it would be.
“y/n?”
You snapped out of your haze to find Joshua standing in front of you, his lips curled up in a kind smile.
“Oh, Joshua,” you straightened your back and smiled back at him, noticing the black-rimmed glasses sitting on his nose. Jeonghan had once joked about him wearing them as a fashion statement, and you had to stop yourself from suddenly laughing in his face like a freak when you noticed the lack of lenses in them.
Thankfully, Joshua didn’t notice the weird smile showing on your face.
“How are you doing? I heard you’re getting cosy with Jeonghan these days,” he smirked as he sat down next to you.
You shyly chuckled, shrugging. Though Jeonghan had audibly called what you were doing ‘fake dating’, the two of you had never explicitly mentioned the D word to anyone. Just to avoid scaring off Soonyoung.
For some reason you felt bad for lying to Joshua. You felt like you had genuinely connected with him at the party, and though you hadn’t spent much time with him outside of that one night, you had this urge to tell him the truth.
He wasn’t just Soonyoung or Jeonghan’s friend anymore, he felt a little like yours too. You trusted him.
“It’s nothing,” you told him with a sigh, still pondering on what to do. Maybe a fresh perspective could give you some insight. You kinda needed someone to talk to about this, and what you and Jeonghan did was in the past now anyways.
“Oh? Sure doesn’t seem like nothing with those raunchy hickeys Jeonghan was walking around with the other day.” Joshua had a mischievous twinkle in his eye, and for a split second you could see Jeonghan in him. Maybe that's why you felt like you could be honest with him.
Your face heated up, trying to suppress a smile as Joshua grinned at you.
“Joshua, can I…tell you something? And promise it stays between us two?”
Joshua cocked up his brow in curiosity, but nodded nonetheless. “Of course,” he told you.
You let out a deep sigh. “Jeonghan is helping me get with Soonyoung,” you said carefully, afraid of what Joshua might think. “It’s just for show, or whatever.” you added, watching Joshua cross his arms over his chest.
“You’re not really together?” he asked, making you hum.
“So it’s all for Soonyoung? It’s him you like?” he frowned, and you nodded at him.
“Gosh, and here I thought Jeonghan finally stopped hiding that thing he had for you,” Joshua chuckled, shaking his head. You frowned at him. “Guess I was wrong,” he sighed with a smile.
“What thing?” you leaned into him, cocking your head to the side.
Joshua paused for a moment, blinking. “You know, the teasing in class, trying to get your reaction,” he explained as if you were aware he had actually been targeting you.
“What do you mean? He never teased me.” you frowned.
Joshua laughed at that. “Sure he did. He talked about you a lot, you know. How he loved getting a reaction out of you. You really never noticed?”
You pouted, confused. “I mean, he did annoy me. But I didn’t think it was targeted to me. I don’t think it was.”
Joshua laughed again, his eyes turning smaller as he did. “It definitely was,” he told you in amusement. “I always suspected he had a little crush on you, but he would never admit it to me. Just said he liked teasing you,” Joshua shrugged. “Guess I was wrong, since he’s helping you with Soonyoung.”
Slowly, you nodded. “Right,” you agreed. But there was an odd feeling in the pit of your stomach thinking about the concept of Jeonghan having a ‘thing’ for you.
“You sure looked convincing, though. I’ll give you that. You’ve got everyone fooled.”
His words didn’t reassure you like you had hoped they would. You and Jeonghan needed to look like you were into each other, but not too much. Because would Soonyoung really give you a chance if he thought Jeonghan and you were serious?
“What do you think I should do? Maybe this whole thing has gone too far already,” you chewed on your bottom lip, panic seeping through your body. You should’ve stopped after making out with Jeonghan. And you really shouldn’t have had sex with him. The speculation alone would be dangerous for your potential with Soonyoung.
Joshua put his hand on your shoulder. “I wouldn’t worry too much, y/n. Just go hang out with Soonyoung? If it feels good go ask him out.”
You sighed. “Alright,” you nodded. “I will.”
Joshua chuckled and pushed himself up, fixing the strap of his leather crossbody bag before briefly looking down at his phone to check the time.
“I’ve got to run. Tell me how it went?” he cocked up his brow.
“Okay.” you smiled a little. “Thanks, Joshua,”
Joshua winked at you, turning his body before quickly stopping himself and looking back at you again.
“Oh, and y/n?” he failed to hide a grin. “Try not to sleep with your fake boyfriend.”
You didn’t know how to react as he walked off theatrically.
As days passed, and you found yourself making more and more ridiculous excuses as to not approach Soonyoung, a sudden golden opportunity fell right in the palm of your hands.
Maybe you manifested it, since you hadn’t stopped daydreaming about all the different ways the talk you’d inevitably needed to have would turn out.
You were listening to some music as you did some minor grocery shopping, the basket in your hand filled with an array of fruits, vegetables, and a scandalous amount of snacks to balance everything out.
There was a soft tap on your shoulder, and you quickly turned around expecting you’d been in someone’s way, but instead saw Soonyoung’s chubby cheeks bulge in a cute way as he smiled at you.
You think you preferred the term God’s intervention.
“Hi,” you smiled shyly after taking out your earbuds.
“Hey! What’re you doing here?” Soonyoung giggled, clutching a protein bar in his hand.
You paused briefly. “Grocery shopping?” you said slowly, earning a laugh from the boy.
“Right. Of course.” Soonyoung laughed, peeking in your basket. “Cooking something tonight?”
You nodded. “That’s the plan. I just needed some vegetables for my stir-fry,” you chuckled.
“I wish I could cook. I’m banned from the kitchen,” Soonyoung scratched behind his ear, pouting.
You laughed at that. “Did you set off the fire alarm or something?”
“Twice...”
You laughed again, making Soonyoung smile. “You should cook for me sometime! Maybe I can learn from you.” he chuckled, and the request alone made your ears burn. Was he…?
“Y-yeah—Sure. I’m a good teacher,” you told him, and you suddenly noticed Soonyoung was wearing his football uniform.
“Oh. Do you have a game today?” The two of you slowly made your way to the cash register, chatting as you put your groceries on the conveyor belt.
“Yep. I’m about the head there right now,” he explained, waiting for you as you paid for your stuff. “You remember how we used to play together in elementary school?”
You chuckled at the memory as you walked out of the store together, reliving one of those moments in a very long time.
“The teacher didn’t allow me to play anymore at one point,” you smiled innocently, watching Soonyoung laugh out loud as he remembered exactly why.
“Yeah, because you would always kick the ball over the fence after losing.” he giggled, making you laugh as well.
“I was a sore loser,” you admitted with a shrug, smiling as you walked together. You briefly recognized how easy your conversation flowed with Soonyoung. Maybe you’d be able to muster up your courage after all.
“If you won’t throw our ball anymore, we can play again sometime,” Soonyoung suggested, making your stomach jump.
“Sure,” you replied in kind, as if you didn’t struggle to keep yourself from stuttering.
You made eye contact with Soonyoung, who smiled at you. You smiled back at him, but the corners of your mouth slowly started faltering as you realized you had to finally ask him out. You could faintly hear the yelling of a group of younger boys as you approached the football field, and you knew you had to act fast before it would already be too late.
“Hey, Soonyoung?” you called out his name a bit insecure, slowing your steps to fully get his attention on you.
Soonyoung lifted up his brows with that same smile, slowing down to match your pace, which came to an abrupt halt.
“Um,” you gulped. You took in a breath. “Do you… Would you like to go on a date—with me?” you inhaled deeply, trying to slow your breathing. You bit your bottom lip, already cursing yourself for your choice of words. Did you ask at the wrong time? Should you have asked differently?
When Soonyoung’s smile faded, and a confused expression took over his handsome face, you started rambling, “I mean—I’ve liked you since we were kids and—and—If you don’t like me like that then that’s fine too. I-I just thought—“
“y/n,” Soonyoung cut you off abruptly, placing his hand on your shoulder.
“You’re a very nice girl,” he started. You already knew what would follow.
“And you’re truly great, like really—“ Soonyoung paused before sighing. “I’m sorry y/n. I’m kinda seeing someone…” he said quietly, and by his tone you could tell he genuinely felt bad.
Slowly, you nodded at him. “Ah,” you forced a smile. “No worries.” you chuckled, but really you wanted to throw up.
“I’m sorry…” Soonyoung told you again, almost pouting.
“No—no, it’s alright,” you nodded again, not really knowing what to do next. You felt like you still wanted to ask him one thing, just so you wouldn’t spend months pondering on the what if’s.
“Did I ever have a chance?” you asked cautiously, knowing you probably wouldn’t like the answer.
Soonyoung blinked at the question, caught off guard. He looked down for a moment, seemingly thinking about the question before ultimately shaking his head, slowly.
You nodded understandingly. “Okay… Well, thank you for being honest, Soonyoung,” you briefly smiled at him, clearing your throat before speaking again, “I’ll see you around. Have a good game, okay?” you watched him nod apologetically before turning to walk away, chewing on the inside of your cheek as you started walking.
It wasn’t how you’d imagined heartbreak to be. It wasn't like your heart was breaking into a million pieces, you just felt…empty.
Tears welled in the corners of your eyes, fingers instinctively starting to reach for your phone before stopping yourself. You sniffled as you realized you had no shoulder to cry on anymore, a pitiful sob shaking your chest as you remembered Jeonghan had left you on delivered for a week.
There was purpose in your step as you made your way straight to the fraternity, not caring about any odd looks you were getting as you cried.
You merely wiped your face once before ringing the doorbell, trying and failing to slow your excessive breathing as you waited for the door to open.
The door swung open with a creak, revealing Mingyu with a smile on his face. “y/n!—Oh, what’s wro-“
“Where is he?” you sniffled, not waiting for an answer as you walked straight past Mingyu’s tall frame to Jeonghan’s bedroom.
You decided against knocking, opening the door to find Jeonghan laying on his bed scrolling on his phone. He lifted his head at the sound of the door opening, eyes widening as you walked in with wet cheeks.
“Where have you been?” you asked rather aggressively, eyebrows tightened as you tried to keep yourself from breaking down completely. Your lips trembled, walking up to Jeonghan who pushed himself to take in your current state.
“y/nnie… what’s wrong?” he asked, quickly getting up from the bed before your fist weakly collided against his chest.
“Why are you ignoring me?” you cried, fresh tears beginning to stream down your face. “I-I needed you and you disappeared,” you sobbed when Jeonghan’s arms pulled you in, hiding your face against his chest as he stroked your back comfortingly.
“I’m sorry…” Jeonghan whispered, kissing your temple before sighing.
You closed your eyes, holding him tightly as his familiar embrace warmed your body.
Jeonghan felt your body shake against his as you cried, pressing his cheek against your hair as his hand found your locks. “I’m sorry…” he said again, his chest burning painfully at the state you were in.
“He likes someone else.” you told him after a beat of silence.
Jeonghan sighed, softly shaking his head at what you were telling him. He felt horrible now, blaming himself for everything. For giving your false hope, for building up you confidence—only to watch it all crumble down before his own eyes. This wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t been selfish.
“Fuck, y/n—I’m so sorry…” he apologized again, tightening his grip on you.
You sniffled, shaking your head. “‘s not your fault, Jeonghan.” you whispered, only making him feel worse.
If you only knew, Jeonghan thought. He should’ve never approached you back then. He’d spend time reflecting on his actions in the last few days as he kept his distance from you, knowing that deep down it had all been for his own self-gain. Annoying you, approaching you at the party. All along this had been about you and him, even if he didn’t realize exactly how much he liked you before he even offered to help you.
“It’s fine,” you concluded, sighing as you tried to stop yourself from crying. “It’s nothing new,” you croaked out, your voice breaking as you failed to stop the sob spilling out of you.
“Shh, ducky,” Jeonghan grabbed your cheeks to meet his eyes, wiping your wet cheeks with his thumbs as he looked at you. You gulped, tears brimming your pretty eyes.
“Can I please stay?” you whispered, fishing his shirt as you looked at him pleadingly. Jeonghan nodded, pushing his forehead against yours as he closed his eyes. “Of course, baby,” he sighed before pulling away from you.
Seeing you cry like this felt like a dagger to his chest. He wished nothing more than to take away your pain.
“You look so tired, ducky,” Jeonghan said while looking at you, wiping away another stray tear with his knuckle before nodding to his bed. “Take a nap, okay? Do you need anything? I can make you tea, or some snacks—“
“Just hold me, Hannie. Please?” you grabbed his hand, afraid he’d leave you.
Jeonghan nodded, giving you a weak smile as you crawled into bed together.
You sighed as you got comfortable against his chest, his warm arms already making you feel better. You nuzzled your cheek against him, resting your arm over his waist.
You smiled when Jeonghan looked at you, smiling back at you as he stroked your hair. You couldn’t help but laugh, the corners of Jeonghan’s mouth tugging up as he watched you. “What are you laughing at, weirdo?” he softly squeezed your cheek.
“I don’t know…” you admitted, your eyes feeling heavier as your exhaustion grew.
“Go sleep, okay?” Jeonghan whispered, making you nod.
You closed your eyes, softly sniffling as you became even more tired. You’d occasionally open your eyes to see Jeonghan looking back at you, your body becoming heavier as the minutes passed.
“Hannie?” you whispered tiredly after a while, fighting to keep your eyes open as he cocked up his eyebrows.
“Don’t leave again.” you told him, closing your eyes when he gently began to stroke your cheek.
Jeonghan smiled sadly as he watched you sleep, your soft snores painfully familiar. He really didn’t deserve you.
He didn’t know if he could keep promise what you were asking him, not when he had been the cause of your sadness.
“How many times are you going to keep checking your phone?” Joshua crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned against the lockers, grinning when you glared at him.
“I thought he would come today,” you pocketed your phone before starting to walk to your next class, Joshua humming next to you.
“I don’t know, he seems off lately,” Joshua shrugged, making you frown.
“He wasn’t at our project meeting today,” you pouted, resisting the urge to check your phone again. Thankfully Jeonghan wasn’t ignoring your messages anymore after seeing him, but that didn’t mean things were back to the way they were. Joshua was right, Jeonghan did seem off.
“How was that? You know, seeing Soonyoung,” Joshua asked carefully.
You bit your lip as you thought before shrugging. “It was fine.” you said casually, making Joshua cock up a brow.
“Really? You’re not, like, upset still?” you stopped walking once you reached your classroom, cocking your head to the side as you looked at Joshua. You then shrugged again.
“Not really…” you trailed off, pouting. “I feel oddly okay,” you nodded, giving Joshua a smile. Joshua hummed, not totally convinced. “Right,” he said, thinking.
Truth is, you felt… good. As though a weight had been lifted from your shoulders. You also didn’t really understand why, maybe you were still in denial, but you felt like you could finally start to let go of Soonyoung.
Joshua’s eyes strayed behind you when he spotted a figure resembling Jeonghan from the corner of his eye, watching his friend meet his eye before walking off without greeting him. Strange.
You followed his line of vision, looking over your shoulder to see Jeonghan’s back turning around the corner.
“Oh,” you said, perking up to give Joshua a quick look. “See you later, alright?” you told him before going to follow Jeonghan.
Joshua watched you jog to catch up to Jeonghan, sighing with a smile as you disappeared from his vision.
“Jeonghan!” you called once you got close to him, smiling as he turned to you, seemingly caught off guard.
“Hey. You weren’t at our meeting today,” you said, adjusting your bag that had slipped down from the short jog.
“Oh, y/n,” he cleared his throat awkwardly, making you frown. “I didn’t feel like coming,” he explained, his odd tone only leaving you more confused.
“Oh, well, we could really use your help next time. It’s kinda messy without you there,” you chuckled, smiling at him.
Jeonghan didn’t smile back at you, avoiding eye contact as he slowly opened his mouth to speak, “Listen, y/n… I’m—I’m dropping from the project,” he looked at you for a second, mumbling a ‘sorry’ before turning to enter the men’s restroom.
His words felt like a knife to the heart. “What?” you mumbled, gulping as he disappeared again. You were starting to believe you were dumb to trust Jeonghan. Maybe this was all a game for his own entertainment after all, because why else would he just drop you like this? Right after you asked out Soonyoung? The timing of it all was odd.
Anger bubbled up inside of you, shaking your head before following him inside. “What is your deal?” you spat, your jaw clenching as you watched him splash cold water in his face.
Jeonghan looked at you through the mirror before turning with a sigh. “Nothing. I just—“
“Why are you lying to me?” you asked, trying your best not to cry in front of him. Your chest burned, making fists of your hands as you watched him blink dumbly.
“I’m not lying, y/n.” Jeonghan raised his voice, only making you angrier.
“Yes you are. Why are you being like this?” you gulped, afraid you weren’t able to hold your tears for much longer.
“I thought we were friends.” you said quietly, your voice breaking.
Jeonghan swallowed a lump in his throat.
“Was all the time we spent together just a lie?” you felt a tear run down your cheek, all your fears swirling around inside of you. You couldn’t help but feel like you’d lost the only thing that had made you feel so alive these past few weeks.
Jeonghan’s face hardened, his jaw tensing hearing your words. He took a step closer to you, grabbing your underarm.
“I like you, y/n.” he said, the words making your stomach drop.
“Can’t you see?” he added quietly.
You didn’t know what to say, the noise in your head and the way Jeonghan was looking at you overwhelming you. You took a step back, slowly shaking your head as you made sense of it all. The lights in the bathroom were too bright, the sounds of the people in the hallway too loud. You could hear your heart pounding out of your chest and you wondered if Jeonghan could hear it too—you needed to leave.
Jeonghan took a step forward again, not ready to let you go before finally laying his heart bare. “Stop having a crush on Soonyoung.” he whispered pleadingly, softly grabbing your hand in his. Your breath hitched.
“And come back to me.” his frustration softened into a plea, big eyes plagued with vulnerability as he waited for your reaction.
You can’t do this.
You pulled your hand away, not saying a word as you rushed out of the bathroom, leaving Jeonghan by himself.
Tears clouded your vision, your head spinning and mind running as you rushed home. You couldn’t help but wonder if this had been the whole reason Jeonghan had offered to help you with Soonyoung. A part of you told yourself Jeonghan wasn’t that kind of person, yet you couldn’t confidently say you wouldn't have done the same.
What did he even see in you? For how long had he liked you? And was he ever even helping you?
You hid under the covers in your bed, the warmth of the blanket comforting you a bit as you cried soundlessly. Why didn’t you feel angry?
Maybe it had something to do with you not being upset after getting rejected by Soonyoung.
Did you even really want Soonyoung? Or maybe you just liked the idea of being wanted by someone.
You exhaled a shaky breath, hugging your pillow to your chest. You were so confused by everything. You knew you should feel some kind of way about this—whether it be anger or resentment—but the only thing you really wanted was to be hanging out with Jeonghan again. You imagined how things were before they all went wrong—talking, laughing for hours. Falling asleep next to him.
His absence had hollowed you out these past few days. Soonyoung had never made you feel special. But Jeonghan… Jeonghan saw you. Everything you’d been longing for had been so easy for him to give.
Maybe if you hadn’t been so wrapped up in the idea of liking Soonyoung, you would’ve seen what was in front of you all along. Maybe if this whole thing hadn’t started as a lie, your feelings would’ve been easier to untangle. But the one thing you couldn’t ignore was that you couldn’t lose Jeonghan.
The sky had darkened once you finally forced yourself out of your bed, dried tears decorating your cheeks as you rumbled through your bag to snatch your laptop. Maybe some trashy reality tv would help distract you.
As you lifted the laptop, a familiar object tumbled on the floor, rolling until it stilled in front of you.
You lip twitched seeing your duck pen, your stomach twisting painfully. You bend down to pick it up, looking at it for a moment before taking in a sharp breath, lifting your arm to launch it straight against the wall with a pitiful whine.
“Woah! What the hell?” Jaehee stood in the opened doorway with a puzzled look on her face, taking a second to evaluate the current state she’d found you in before slowly closing the door behind her.
“What’s going on in here? Are you okay?” she pouted before engulfing you in a tight hug. You shook your head, sighing and resting your face against her shoulder.
“Talk to me.” she whispered, rubbing your back.
“You’ll think I’m crazy,” you sighed.
“I just paid a witch to curse Mingyu. I can handle crazy,” Jae let go of you to sit down on the bed with you, grinning at the cackle leaving your mouth.
“Fuck—okay,” you rubbed your face. “Long story short: Jeonghan and I were never a thing. It was all a ploy to get Soonyoung. I asked him out a couple of days ago but he rejected me—“ Knowing how long you’d liked Soonyoung for, Jaehee already started pouting. “—But I’m fine—Oh, and Jeonghan just told me he likes me and then I ran away.” you finish with a sigh, making Jae’s eyes widen in surprise at the sudden twist.
“That’s a lot to unpack,” she started, looking at you. “I don’t suppose you’re throwing stuff because you don’t like him back and feel incredibly sorry for it?” she asked almost sarcastically, crossing her arms over her chest.
You sighed and shook your head.
“So you do like him? Then what’s the problem?”
You blinked at her. “I… I don’t know,” you frowned, looking down at your lap. “It’s not that simple.”
Jae raised a brow. “What’s not simple? You like him, he likes you. Where’s the disaster in that?”
“You make it sound so easy,” you muttered.
She let out a breath, then softened, reaching for your hand. “y/n, you really need to stop thinking so much.” A small smile tugged at her lips.
You sighed. “It’s just—I don’t think I allowed myself to feel what I felt when I was with Jeonghan. I pushed it away, convinced myself all of those feelings were fake since they were supposed to be. What if I give it a shot and find out I was right?”
“You’re too stuck in your own head. I’ve seen the two of you. You can’t fake the way you look at each other—unless you’re both Oscar-worthy actors, which I seriously doubt,” she chuckled.
You bit your lip, slowly nodding.
“Well, text him.” Jaehee bumped her shoulder against yours, your chest tightening at the thought of Jeonghan. Your face grew hot.
“Text him to come over,” she encouraged you, the corners of her mouth lifting up. You shifted on the bed, pouting as you thought it over.
Jae sighed at your apprehension and pulled out her phone, her nails tapping against the screen as she typed.
“What are you doing?” you asked meekly, watching your friend turn off her phone with a satisfied expression on her face. “He’ll be here soon.” she only told you, her hands resting in her lap demurely.
You blinked in surprise. “Huh?” you frowned. “Wha-What did you just send him?” you tried to reach for her phone, but Jaehee hastily got up from your bed moving her finger at you disapprovingly. “Nah-ah,” she sang, barely making an effort to hide the smirk on her face.
“Jae.” you warned her, pushing yourself up slowly.
“It’s nothing bad, promise! I just let him know that I can’t find you anywhere and your location is turned off,” she shrugged, making you gasp.
“That’s not nothing!” you raised your voice, crossing your arms over your chest with a sigh.
Jaehee exhaled a breath, giving you a smile as she hugged you again. “Don’t panic. Don’t you deserve to figure out what you’re really feeling?” she whispered, patting your head. You knew she was right. You nodded.
“Remember how it felt being his friend and just go from there,” she created some space between your bodies to look at you, smiling when you whispered a soft ‘okay.’
The two of you gave each other a look at the sound of a notification, reading Jeonghan’s ‘omw now’ message together.
“He won’t take long,” Jae told you, making you inhale a sharp breath. “I’ll meet him at the door, okay? Just—Just wait here, y/n.” she said, looking at you for a second before starting to leave your bedroom.
The room fell quiet after that, your nerves buzzing louder than anything else. You couldn’t sit still, shifting on the bed as your mind raced. Every second felt like forever—until a knock sounded at the door.
“y/n?!” Jeonghan rushed inside with a panicked look on his face, eyebrows drawn with a pair of big eyes meeting yours. “Are you okay?” he sighed, visibly relaxing at the sight of you unharmed.
You gulped, looking at him for a moment before abruptly getting up. You hastily grabbed the duck pencil from the floor and shoved it into his hand.
“I don’t want this back.” you said firmly, your jaw clenching as you looked at him with manic eyes.
He froze, staring at the object in his palm with confusion before lifting his gaze to you. Your anger faltered when you met his eyes, his pretty face making your own features soften despite yourself.
You gave him a small, sad smile.
“Hannie…” you whispered, tears burning in the corners of your eyes.
Your lip shook, pushing your face against his chest before you could stop yourself.
“I told you to never leave me again…” you mumbled, smiling at his familiar, comforting scent despite your tears. You put your arms around his body, embracing him tightly. “Please don’t…” you looked up at him, vulnerability creeping in at what you were saying.
Jeonghan only looked at you, his pink lips slightly ajar before meeting together in a subtle pout.
You realized it then, how oblivious you had been this entire time. How you needed Jeonghan as much as you needed air. How much you couldn’t live without him—and, finally, how much you loved him.
“y/n…” Jeonghan whispered, really hoping he wasn’t wrong about what you were getting at.
Your lips curled up in a smile, softly cupping his cheeks before pulling him down to meet your lips with his. Jeonghan gasped against your mouth, wrapping his arms around your waist to pull you as close as he could have you.
You bit your lip shyly when you finally pulled away, seeing Jeonghan smile back at you in a way that made your chest tighten.
“I like you too, Hannie,” you said softly, reaching for his hand to link your fingers together. Jeonghan’s eyes shrunk as he smiled at you, keeping his free arm wrapped around you to keep you pressed close against him.
“You like me, ducky?” he asked dumbfounded, squeezing your hand in his.
You shyly looked away, your smile growing wider as you nodded. “Yes…yes I do…” you told him, your face burning when you looked at him again.
“I didn’t even want to think about Soonyoung, because—because you were there. I didn’t want our time to end, Jeonghan.” you whispered, frowning. “The thought of losing you… I couldn’t do it. I just need you.” you confessed, gulping nervously.
Jeonghan giggled hearing your words, leaning in to kiss you hard. “Fuck, I’m such an idiot. I should’ve just asked you out from the start.” he breathed, pecking your lips again.
He pulled away to look at you, a hint of vulnerability creeping in his big eyes. “You really like me?” he asked again, his lips curling up in a shy smile as he looked at you expectantly.
You gently stroked his cheeks, your body tingling as you nodded. Looking at him, you couldn’t believe this was actually happening.
“Yes, Hannie.” You sighed, your heart beating out of your chest.
Jeonghan hugged you tightly, and somehow you were starting to feel emotional—the feeling reminded you of the first time he had held you in his bedroom. It felt as if you were coming home to a warm home after a long rainy day. It felt like drinking your favorite brand of coffee after a vacation, or having a dream you didn’t want to wake up from.
You closed your eyes and listened to his heartbeat, slowly calming down from all of the adrenaline.
You suddenly remembered what Joshua had told you, breaking the silence with a sudden silent laugh.
“Hm?” Jeonghan stroked your hair, smiling as he imagined what you could be thinking of.
“Did you try to annoy me on purpose? I mean—In class?” you pulled back to look at Jeonghan’s face, watching him blink at you in confusion before slowly grinning mischievously.
“Of course. Loved to see how many angry looks I could get from you,” he smiled, making you tsk. “I think I already kinda liked you back then, even if I didn’t realize,” he admitted with a chuckle. “You were always so polite. Even if you were shy you would smile at everyone,” his smile widened as he imagined it in his head.
“You really got on my nerves.” you hit his arm, making him only smile wider.
“Yeah?” he teased you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders before giving you a kiss.
“So you don’t want me to stay?” he asked, cocking his head to the side with a playful smile.
You tried to hide how giddy you felt, your cheeks burning at his question.
“Well, ducky?” he prodded, half teasing, half hoping you’d give him the green light.
You got close enough to kiss him again, feeling Jeonghan sigh against your lips as you slowly pushed him back on the bed with you.
The kiss deepened until all you could taste was him, warm and steady, the kind of sweetness that was becoming harder to imagine ever living without. Hands groped and lingered, yanking down fabric until the heat radiating off your bodies mixed together.
Jeonghan rolled on top of you, taking his time kissing you from your lips down to your belly button as his eyes admired the sight of you. You bit your lip feeling his tongue lick a slow stripe on your upper thigh before inching down to your pussy, softly gasping when his warm tongue found your clit.
Despite you not talking, you could feel that warm energy filling up the room, consuming you whole as Jeonghan savored you. You knew he felt it too, gentle fingertips brushing against your sides, hazed eyes watching you gasp and moan attentively.
Your body writhed feeling him go faster, biting your lip as your tummy burned. Before you would find yourself lost in the deep end, your shaky hand reached for Jeonghan’s to stop him.
If you were gonna cum, you wanted to do so with him. You needed him as close as you could have him, cupping his cheeks to bring him on top of you.
“Yeah?” Jeonghan whispered against your mouth in the middle of a kiss, making you nod. “Yeah.” you answered, pecking his lips as you looked in his eyes.
Jeonghan glided his tip over your entrance, collecting your wetness before slowly inching in, stretching you deliciously before bottoming out.
“God,” Jeonghan breathed, pushing his lips against yours with an almost desperate plea while slowly starting to grind against you.
You moaned fruitlessly when he set a faster pace, making Jeonghan echo your sounds at the way you were squeezing his cock. “C’mere,” he sighed, moving your legs over his thighs to feel you even deeper. Jeonghan linked your fingers together, pinning them down on the mattress as he licked into you.
“Hannie,” you squeezed his hands, feeling the muscles in your body tighten. You think you could already cum like this, closer to him than you’ve ever been.
Jeonghan nodded, sucking on your bottom lip hard enough to form a bruise. All you could hear were your breaths and whimpers, and all you could feel was the closeness you shared.
“Cum, baby. Cum for me?” he asked breathlessly, going faster again. You let out a loud moan, nodding in agreement as the sound of skin slapping echoed through the room.
“Fuck.” you whimpered, squirming against him as pleasure overtook you. You moaned again as you came around his cock, feeling Jeonghan’s warmth erupt inside of you as your walls clenched around him fruitlessly.
Your head spun, Jeonghan’s whimpers falling on deaf ears before grounding you with a soft kiss.
“I love you.” Jeonghan whispered out of breath, blinking as he looked at you with big eyes.
A shy smile spread over your face, your chest tightening at the words coming out of his mouth.
“I love you.” you whispered back, feeling as if this moment weren’t real.
Jeonghan’s lips curved up into the smallest, almost disbelieving smile before he hid his face in the crook of your neck. He gently let go of your hands to embrace you instead, peppering kisses on your shoulder.
“You’re mine now—for real this time.” Jeonghan said, lifting his head to look at you again. A smirk tugged at his features, humming at the smiley, almost shy nod you gave him.
“My girlfriend,” he giggled sweetly, giving your cheek a kiss.
“My ducky.” he whispered, nuzzling his forehead against yours.
“Hannie…” you laughed, but you couldn’t contain the smile playing on your lips.
Somewhere through the quiet whispers and hours of laughter you realized you didn’t feel alone anymore. You didn’t feel unlovable—you felt wanted, like every stolen kiss and every teasing joke was stitching something whole inside of you, something you had once believed could never belong to you.
delulu is the solulu @ineverwalkalone-au - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
