Hm, yeah, I'm definitely going through them. [the ghost mimes do not exist, btw.] I guess the mime swatter doesn't work on ghost mimes. And one is, like, barely a mime. He's dressed like one and has the makeup and everything, but he talks. He talks all about the Cold War and how we gotta defeat the Soviet Union. Blah blah blah, we've gotta reach the moon first, blah blah blah. Such a bore, tbh.
TIMING: Current
SETTING: Community Garden
PARTIES:@dirtypawscleanboots Jasper & @the-lil-exorcist Lil
WARNINGS: animal abuse tw (very lightly, to attacking bunniculas)
SUMMARY: Lil is helping an older woman named Maria with the community garden while Jasper watches on during a lovely day. Alas, The bunniculas grow hungry.
Sunny and high 70s with a nice breeze was Jasper’s ideal day. And with today being that very day, she had decided that a walk around town was in order. It was spring after all. The flowers were blooming. The odd little bees were buzzing. And nature, especially here, had surprised her in so many ways. But more than anything else on a pretty day in town, she loved to people-watch, and she had found the perfect spot. A cozy little bench smack dab in the center of what looked to be a community garden.
With a bag of food nearby holding her lunch and an extra-large jug of water, Jasper was settled in for the next hour or so ready to take in the sights surrounding her. And she wasn’t short of entertainment. While people were coming and going from the garden, the people across the street had been way more entertaining, especially the man that had disturbed a bird’s nest intentionally and was now being attacked by three birds that were dive bombing him. It was like her eyes were glued to the situation, and she couldn’t take them off as she slowly chewed on the carrots she had brought with her.
—
In spite of popular belief, Lil did in fact like being outside during the day time and among the living. It just never happened as much as she would like it to happen. Still, today was one of those rare ones that she could be outside and useful in the community and she had jumped at the chance to be there. It didn’t matter to her that there was dirt under her nails, it felt nice in fact that she could just help weed.
Lil couldn’t help the laugh that came out when Todd got dive bombed by the birds, thinking it served him right. She didn’t know him super well - but he had been complaining pretty heavily throughout the morning. Wiping her forehead with her forearm, Lil got up from weeding and asked Marie, the older woman running the event, “What’s on the docket now?”
Lil didn’t see a creeping presence coming closer behind them, unaware of the gentle light hops that were oh so hungry for vegetables they had been denied. The mean woman had shooed them away earlier in the day, but there was nowhere to go.
___
Jasper continued to munch on the carrots watching the man run around as he rounded the corner to escape, “That’s why you don’t disturb a bird’s nest, Buddy! Especially not a Mockingbird’s nest. Those suckers are mean!” Placing the carrots down on the bench beside her, she reached for the tuna fish sandwich she had packed as a smile spread across her face. She had made sure to make her apartment extra smelly with the fish and eggs she had used to make her meal hoping it would annoy her new housemate, not knowing the joke was on her. And as she pulled it out of the baggy it was in, she inhaled the aroma of the sandwich before taking a huge bite. However, when she went to pair another carrot with it, she noticed the bag was gone.
“What the fuck? Where are my carrots?” Putting the sandwich back in the plastic baggy and putting it with her other food, Jasper leaned forward and looked around before her eyes locked onto what appeared to be an upside down bunny looking at her with its big, black eyes, “Hey, did you take my carrots, Mr. Bunny?” Letting her eyes shift from the animal to the rest of the surroundings just to have a second look, Jasper went to say something else, but when she looked back to where the bunny had just been, it was gone.
—
Lil saw the other and laughed a bit more as Maria gestured to the other garden bed asking for her to start weeding there. “You heard her Todd stop messing with the Birds,” Lil snorted as she got back down to pull weeds slowly wanting to make sure to get the roots. It was the start of the season so while the shoots were blossoming up already they would stay small for quite awhile more. Todd annoyed started shouting that he was going to go get more supplies from the car, but Lil wasn’t so sure if he was coming back as long as the birds were there.
Maria wobbled forward to go and help Lil using the younger’s shoulder to get to the garden bed. Her knees were slightly weak now, from the last harvest season, but she’d been helping with the gardens for years - protecting them from the dastardly creatures just outside of the fencing. She didn’t tell the younger woman, not wanting her to have to bear the strain of the monsters that lurked for their time to take over the garden plot.
Lil heard as the woman on the bench wondered about bunnies. “Oh? There’s a bunny?” She said not seeing Maria stiffened. Lil kneeled up to see the cute creature wanting to see a bunny in the spring.
___
Jasper, who had been caught between munching on carrots and birdwatching, had only just noticed the people behind her when a bunny was mentioned. And as she turned around, she noticed the older woman stiffening; a feeling she knew all too well from years of wrestling, even at 26, “Yeah, the thing came out of nowhere and then disappeared, but I think it took my carrots with it.”
Getting up off of the bench, Jasper made her way over to the two women and offered another arm of support to the person, who she assumed needed help, “You got bad knees too?” She motioned down to her own, before guiding her to the bench. Turning her attention back to the person kneeling on the ground, Jasper quickly caught sight of what appeared to be the same bunny hopping in their direction, “I take that back. I think Mr. Bunny has returned for more of my lunch…” Raising an arm, she pointed to the animal as it moved closer and closer in their direction.
—
Lil chuckled. “I didn’t know bunnies could take carrots but that kind of makes sense.” Lil said, looking around as Maria stiffened, taking Jasper’s hand to get up. “You like bunnies Maria -”
Lil was cut off seeing the face of raw determination mixed with fear on the older woman’s face. She’d never seen the older woman look like that and admittedly it did freak her out even as she saw the bunny and didn’t sense something was wrong. “What’s happening -”
Maria got up with the resignation of a woman who had lost many a vegetable garden to bunnies and knew that there was more than vegetables that a garden could take. “You two youngsters should skeetatle while you can. That bunny looks hungry.” Looking at it, Maria could tell that it hadn’t had enough from the earth, and it would demand something more than that. She had seen one turn before, and it hadn’t been especially pretty. Especially for those who wanted to continue having fun in the gardens.
The bunny came closer, sensing something shifting in the wind as Lil looked absolutely bewildered. There was something - off about the bunny that much was true in how it looked, but it was a bunny nonetheless. Surely a bunny wouldn’t do anything particularly bad. “Uh - why does it look angry -”
____
Jasper’s attention turned back to the older woman whose demeanor had seemingly changed out of nowhere. Even though it was a warm and bright sunny day, it felt as if the temperature had instantly shifted, “Yeah, I think you’re right about it being one hungry bunny.” She moved from her place at the woman’s side to go help her other new friend up off the ground, “Maybe you should get up…you know, so you’re not easy pickings for Mr. Mad Bunny…”
Why she hadn’t noticed it before was beyond her. Maybe it had been the smell of fresh soil, tuna, eggs, flowers, and fresh fruits and veggies. But underneath it all had been an ever lingering stench of decay and death. One that usually made her mouth water when she was all big and bad and furry, and, now, the more she looked at the bunny, she had noticed its eyes weren’t black, but a deep, dark maroon. And with an even closer look, there had been two small fangs pointing downward from its mouth.
“Look, I don’t know your name, but you need to get up, like right now…” Jasper watched as the bunny moved closer and closer at a much faster speed, and as she leaned down to grab the woman off the ground, she was surprised to see Maria had stopped the parasitic animal in its tracks with a hard conk to its fuzzy little body with a shovel.
—
Lil got up quickly as she realized that the bunny wasn’t a fluffy kind little animal with a yelp going to pull Maria behind her as she did it. “What the fuck is that -” She shouted as suddenly she heard a thwack from Maria who looked more calm and determined then she could have thought.
Lil couldn’t quite understand what she saw as she looked at the haunting dark red eyes of the bunny. It seemed hungry and oddly carnivorous as it lurched back for a second surprised by the strike and Lil felt Maria slowly get up behind her.
“This is not a regular bunny,” Maria said calmly, leaning on her shovel for a second as she got up. “ They call them Bunniculas. They get hungry if they don’t get enough vegetables and start demanding blood. Lilian gets the vegetables. The bunny wants them."
Lil stood there dumbstruck for a second before she saw the bunny rise up again looking directly at her - whatever cute visions of an easter rabbit long gone from her mind. “Uh okay. Uh whoever you are I’m Lil and if you can stay with Maria for a second I can get the first harvest - do not move.” She said as the bunny hopped almost menacingly closer.
__
Of course it wasn’t a regular bunny. It couldn’t be, right? This was Wicked’s Rest after all. Did the turnips bleed blood when you bit into them? Were the tomatoes full of plasma? She had bought the carrots from a local store, and they had tasted fine. But at this point, who knew what she had consumed that had been masked by something else, “Bunniculas? Isn’t that like a book or something?” She looked to Maria before glancing at Lil.
Setting her focus back on the bunnicula, Jasper watched it closely. She definitely didn’t want to have to wolf-out here in front of Maria and Lil, but she would if desperate times called for desperate measures, “Yeah, sure. And it’s Jasper. Nice to meet you both under such fucked up circumstances.” She turned her attention to Maria, “Seems like a common way of meeting people around here.”
When she turned her head back to the bunny that was getting a little too close for comfort, she took Maria by the hand and slowly started to back them both up, “Question for you, Maria? Do Bunniculas like to multiply like rabbits? Because if so, I think we might have company.” It was the hiss behind them that had alerted her followed by the pitter-pattering of multiple sets of paws hopping through the vegetation leaving Jasper and Maria surrounded, “Uh, Lil, how's it coming with that harvest?”
—
“There’s a book? A warning, yes?” Maria said thinking that such a book would be good for little ones to learn of the horrors of the garden. “It is nice to meet you as well. And yes this feels like a common way to meet people here.” After all in Wicked’s Rest most people bonded through unfathomably strange encounters. Maria in her youth had thought maybe every place was weird, and that in polite company we all just pretended otherwise. Maybe parts of that were true, but it was just as likely that it was in the ground here. That there was a rot that couldn’t quite be pushed out.
Lil moved swiftly back to the car and grabbed potted plants that were beginning to grow. She had thought they were planting them, but there were dozens of them - way more than what the garden bed could take. Grabbing them she started coming back jumping over a fence. “I’m assuming you meant all of these - here bunnies look like tasty tasty plants.” She started placing the sacrificial plants on the ground trying to lead the rabbits away. She saw how they were starting to gather and got nervous.
Lil saw their noses twitch interested in the young plants' lives as the one in front of Maria looked over curiously hopping slightly closer. Still Lil heard the rustling as she started pulling more plants out. “How many bunnies are there - oh man we should run.”
__
Jasper had never imagined in her life that a children’s book about vampire bunnies would be based in truth. In fact, she was starting to question most of the books she had read as both a child and an adult now. Did Wicked’s Rest hold these creatures? Were they indeed real? Did that mean that dragons were real too? It was like that gif of the lady confused and trying to process an equation far beyond what she could comprehend. But the thinking would have to wait until later. Right now, they were almost knee deep in bunnies, and some of those bunnies had already started to nibble on Jasper’s legs!
“Ow!!!” Without thinking, she began shaking her leg to get the animal off and when it came back for more, she unfortunately made the choice to play Punt a Bunny, as it careened through the air and landed somewhere in a patch of cabbage, “Maria, these things…I’m not going to turn into a were-bunny am I? I can’t handle being any cuter…” And fuzzier… “Then I already am.” Leave it to Jasper to make jokes in a hare-owing situation.
“Thank the Fabulous Moolah, you’re back!” Jasper watched as the bunnies started to hop towards Lil and the fresh plants, and when all was said and done, their focus had switched from human (and werewolf) blood to something of the healthier and greener variety, “Uh, yeah, I think you’re right! Where’s your car?”
—
Maria pushed bunnies back with her shovel hitting them with a tsk as they hopped menacingly back. “Wait for the plants, you criminals. No I don’t think they can change you” She grumbled as she heard Lil’s frantic voice trying to set down the sacrificial vegetables. She had gathered them from wide and far before planting today to make sure this scenario was done.
Lil was shocked as the bunnies multiplied as she kept putting down plants that slowly weathered and decayed as the interested undead rabbits hopped closer, eyes focused on the shrubbery and vegetables that didn’t have a chance to live. It was horrifying as Lil tried to focus. Putting all of them out she ran to grab Maria and pull her back. “Just right there the little blue bug. Come on. Maria, you gotta use me as a crutch.”
Without much thought she looked at Jasper for help, as she grabbed the older woman’s side, dragging her over the now distracted bunnies as they sniffed the air for their next victim. She just hoped they liked baby plants - at least more than the blood the three people here could provide.
“There we go. - Oh wow that’s something,” Lil said, distracted for a second seeing the bunnies attack the little plants. She was glad they couldn’t scream.
___
Jasper made sure to keep an eye on Maria as Lil set out the plants. But it was as if they had multiplied every time she blinked. Okay Jasper, don’t blink and maybe they’ll stop multiplying. In quiet desperation, she held her eyes open as long as she could until they began to water. She was definitely no Wednesday Addams, but she had also realized that as she scanned the area for Lil’s blue bug, that it didn’t take blinking to get them to increase.
“Have either of you ever seen that movie Night of The Lepus?” That’s exactly what this feels like, but the rabbits aren’t overgrown and the size of cars.” Spotting the car, she put herself on the other side of Maria once more to help be the other crutch, “Yeah, it’s something alright, but they’re not gonna fucking last. We gotta go ladies. Like now.”
Moving forward at a pace that was someone quickened, but slow enough for Maria, Jasper hoped they could make it to safety sooner rather than later, “Maria, let me know if you need me to carry you.” It probably sounded absurd, but Jasper had been used to picking people up and mostly throwing them down on the ground, but carrying them sometimes occurred too. And it certainly would now, if it meant them getting to safety a little sooner.
—
“Nope I haven’t,” Lil said, shaking slightly, helping Maria move her as quickly as the two could do. “Let’s hope they can’t do that.” It wasn’t that far away and she got her key out quickly unlocking the bug. “We’ll get your car tomorrow Maria.” She said softly as they moved quickly.
Maria huffed at Jasper, “ You don’t need to carry me.” She said hobbling quicker as they got to the little car. “The rabbits can’t grow, only multiply.” She said as they got nearer and Lil paused as she opened the door.
“Hey Jasper, put her into the car yeah?” Lil said as she heelied around the car to the driver's seat, opening the car not looking back at the rabbits but hearing the thump thumps of the little feet lurking closer as the plants slowly withered.
__
Everything was happening so fast, but Jasper immediately picked up the snark from Maria. This woman was feisty, and she could definitely respect that, “Hey! I was just offering!” She let out a snort of amusement as they finally made it closer to the car. This Maria woman had seemed to know a lot about these vampire bunnies, which had almost made Jasper suspicious, but now was not the time to ask questions. Instead, she did as she was told by Lil.
“Okay, Maria. In we go, before the small scary bunnies decide to eat our legs.” Pushing the front seat forwards, she assisted the older woman as she climbed into the backseat of the small car. And once she was in and settled, Jasper quickly climbed in the front slamming the passenger’s side door right before the bunniculas could make it inside. It still didn’t stop them from pawing and scratching on the metal frame of the car, “You might need a new paint job after this. But at least these little shits can’t chew through metal.” She paused, before halfway turning in her seat to look back at Maria, “Or can they, Maria…you know, since you’re the expert…” She took a beat before turning back around and putting her focus on Lil.
—
“They better the fuck not,” Lil said just annoyed by the idea that the vampire bunnies could come in through bitting through her little car. She had a lot of good memories in the thing - and as she heard scratching she pushed the car forward hearing a screech as she pulled away from the community garden. “And paint is a lot easier to replace,” She continued as she thought about how much of a bitch it was going to be to repaint her car. Again. “Buckle up I don’t want a ticket.”
Maria sighed slightly, buckling herself up. “ I don’t think they will follow, but we’ll have to replant the garden.” Such was life with the bunniculas. Sacrifice and bloodshed for a community led garden. She just hoped Todd got out in time, or maybe not. He was a pretty awful gardener.
The car moved into the town as the bunniculas watched, their hunger only partially satisfied. Their dark maroon eyes watched as they waited for more - hopefully carrots this time.
TIMING: Current
SETTING: Oldtown
PARTIES: Lil @the-lil-exorcist & Rosemary @necrosemancy
WARNINGS: unsanitary tw (mold/rot)
SUMMARY: Lil is on a mission to get rid of some demonic dust bunnies on Rosemary's block, and the witch offers to lend a hand.
Lil was fairly certain most cleaning jobs - where dirt and debris was involved at the very least - very rarely needed an exorcist. However, it would do good for her to remember that it wasn’t ever zero, and with a groan she had gotten up earlier having realized that there were more than their fair share in an abandoned house in Old Town. Normally Lil might not have done the job - it wasn’t exactly super dangerous - but she had neglected to do it a few years ago in a house her mom had pointed out and it had gotten awful and had started to spread to the nearby houses.
So, every spring Lil packed herself up and did a round of spring cleaning to stop the horrific sight of a full house filled with the things. If she did it at the start of spring she usually didn’t have to think about it for awhile, and as a bonus she could check the recently abandoned places for ghosts.
Still, Lil hadn’t quite realized what street she’d be starting on when she saw Rosemary and realized that she was in her own hazmat-like suit and how much of an odd duck the woman had seen her yet again (she had never wanted to get the dust on her - but over the years and probably with spite from the demon dust bunnies had become allergic to the dust and she really didn’t want to buy anymore allergy medication). “Oh uh Hi Rosemary. I am not breaking in this time, the city let me go in.”
Well, they probably would have if Lil had told them about the lurking dust filled with decay and allergens. Lil was pretty sure of that. “Are you allergic to dust by chance?”
__
Spring had finally sprung. As the sun’s rays stretched further into the evening, so too did Rosemary’s hopes that maybe, just maybe, things would be alright again. It certainly seemed like things were starting to turn a corner again. She tried not to think about all that had happened the last few times life seemed to be dealing its cards in her favor. For a moment, the dirt that clung to her gardening gloves looked more to her like blood than it did mud. She closed her eyes and counted in her head, breathing in the lilac scented air before heaving it out in one long sigh.
She kept her eyes closed for a moment, until a soft quack sounded out from beside her. She opened one eye a crack, a grin slowly clearing away the clouds that had gathered on her face. “Yeah, yeah, okay.” The witch rolled her eyes affectionately at the duckling, as she took off the gloves and let them drop onto her crocus covered lawn. Rosemary pushed herself to her feet, stretching her arms up high over her head, when something caught her eye.
Someone was heading into the abandoned old house across the way. Someone in a hazmat suit. Someone she recognized. “Lil?” The witch moved closer to the street, duckling in toe behind her. “Um… No? Not that I know of. Why?”
___
“What Cheryl down at city hall said if no one lives there it’s probably fine to go in,” Lil countered. Since Cheryl did a lot of the administrative work there, she figured that she couldn’t be all wrong. Still, it was probably a flimsy excuse even in a town like this one. “Yes it is I Lil.” She said striking a kind of pose in the hazmat suit. It wasn’t usually necessary - if she wasn’t so allergic to dust as of late she wouldn’t have bothered with it.
“Well, the building next door is full of - I forget the right name for them. I just call them demon dust bunnies.” Even if she wasn’t much of a demonologist at this point, she could feel the unease even the small creatures had. It wasn’t as loud to her as it had been - by design she’d been avoiding demons - but they were small enough it wasn’t going to cause problems. “And that’s good. They really ruin my afternoon with the sneezing. I’m assuming you haven’t seen them in your house. They are the size of about a small dog like - this big,” Lil said putting her hands about a foot apart. “Kinda looks like a dustball with eyes. If you do get them you need to call me.”
__
Rosemary let out a spectacularly unladylike snort as Lil posed in the suit like she was Wonder Woman. “I’m so sorry, but you look like you’re about to call a code twenty three nineteen.” The witch pressed her fingers to her lips in an attempt to smother the giggles that were fighting their way out of her chest.
The witch blinked, trying to conceptualize a sentient dust bunny from hell that was bigger than her pet duck. “Well. Hate that.” Rosemary huffed. Donald quacked in what the woman assumed was agreement. “No— thankfully I’ve not seen any demon dust bunnies. The biggest things I’ve got scurrying around are this little guy, a crow, and sometimes my friend’s salamander. I’m assuming if I keep the house clean— which, I do, for the record— there won’t be any risk of invasion?” She asked. “If you’re allergic, why are you going in? Don’t you have like… I don’t know, an exorcist’s assistant or something? Or at least a Claritin?”
__
Lil laughed at the idea, “Yeah that’s me working on the scare floor. Hopefully there’s no socks on my back” Lil thought maybe Monster’s inc wasn’t so different then her job if you really thought about it. After all, she was pretty sure some demons found her scary - not the ones she wanted to find her scary but that wasn’t the point. “Fair enough, I just hate getting all dusty.”
“They aren’t super mean or anything they just - you know spread like bunnies would,” In a fairer world Lil probably wouldn’t mind the guys at all except for “they can make people pretty sick if you let them live with you though. They make places musty and you can get - weird illnesses.” At the idea Lil shrugged. “I would think keeping your place clean would keep them away mostly, but they aren’t pleasant if they're around anyway. Kinda one of those where it spreads - Oh that’s a cute duck.” Lil said distracted for a second, finally seeing the duck. He didn’t look like he’d make Lil sneeze and cough.
At the question Lil shrugged, “Uh no assistant and it’s kinda one of those you do it for the good of the neighborhood. And don’t you worry I have Claritin for when I get home.” She probably could have gotten Jonas to help, but if both of them were sneezing it wouldn’t be great. Besides, she only had one suit.
—
“No socks that I’m seeing, so you’re safe. For now.” The witch nodded slowly as the exorcist explained the finer details of demonic dust bunnies. Rosemary could have laughed— no matter how much of the world she thought she understood, there always seemed to be at least one more magical oddity for her to learn about.
The witch grinned as Donald drew Lil’s attention. “Yeah, this is Donald. He’s my buddy.” She scooped up the duckling, who quacked happily. Rosemary brought him closer, so the other woman could see. The duckling’s feet paddled through the air, and his tail feathers wriggled as he looked at the hazmat suit bedecked woman curiously. “I mean, yeah I get that.” She said slowly. “But still, I feel like when you’re throwing demon into the descriptor mix, an assistant might not be the worst thing in the world. Do you want a hand? I’ve got enough salt in my house to last a lifetime. I’m assuming salt works with demons— I don’t really have much experience.”
__
The corner of Lil’s mouth quirked up at the thought. Jonas loved older Disney movies, but he probably would watch Monsters INC with her again if she asked. She might have to tap him in tonight as she was absolutely going to be sniffling on the couch for a while. At the name of the duck Lil barked out a laugh, “Oh boy. You just need Daisy then and you’d have a collection.” She said looking down at the bird. She was always pretty fond of animals, and a Duck named Donald would fall on that list.
At the idea of help Lil hesitated, not because she didn’t think Rosemary could help her - she’d proven herself more than capable before - but because it wasn’t exactly pleasant. “I mean if you want to see them out of curiosity, sure. And no salt won’t do anything I don’t think. What I was going to do was vacuum them up and release them into the woods far away from houses.” Lil ought to get rid of them permanently. She knew how to do it, it wasn’t exactly hard and they used their tongues to get out of the vacuum eventually which was always a potential to be a pain - but there was still a soft spot in her heart for the little demons.They were hardly capable of sentience and if she had spent a lot of time in a tree to make sure a worm didn’t die she could spend a couple of hours relocating them. After all, they didn’t seem as malicious as an unfortunate bi-product of a world not well suited. “I then just have to clean the house really. They aren’t like high level demons and if I put them far enough away they won’t bother coming back. But no salt really only works for ghosts.”
__
Donald quacked— whether in agreement, or determination to remain an only child, the witch wasn’t entirely certain. But Rosemary nodded at him like she understood. “I found him on his own, but if I run across any more orphaned ducklings, I have Daisy as one of the top contenders for a name.”
The witch let out a little surprised hum. “Salt’s a bust. The more you know, I suppose.” But she did have a vacuum. “I’m on a spring cleaning kick anyway, and I’ve already organized everything in my house I could possibly think of. And vacuuming a few sentient dust bunnies would get me out of the sun for a bit.” She wriggled her eyebrows as she set the duckling back down on the grass, where he promptly sat atop her foot. “I can grab my vacuum. And you don’t have to worry about me going ohmygod what the fuck is that thing… you can get out the of allergy hell a little bit faster, and I don’t need to worry about dust demons deciding to skeddadle across the street to give me a hard time. It’s a win win. ”
__
“Fair enough. I think my brother’s chickens would be pretty mad if I just brought home more without consulting them.” Lil chuckled. They already had quite a good amount of animals back home, which might be surprising if you didn’t know the Ballards. Still, Lil was more focused on her black cat since she had brought her in.
Lil thought about it, and figured that it would be nice to have someone around as she dealt with the demon dust bunnies. They weren’t that scary to where she would think that the other would mind - after all the ghost business at her work had been objectively weirder and she seemed smart and capable. “You know what. What the hell. Thank you it’ll make it go a little quicker. I’ll just grab you a respirator too.” It wasn’t that Lil was too worried that the exposure would hurt Rosemary - she wouldn’t have let her come if she really thought it- but they could make you sick if you stuck around too long and having clean air was always better.
Without fanfare she went to her car to grab the other respirator. Lil had to make sure that the filter had been changed as she looked again to see if she had everything she needed. “Just uh - watch out for their tongues. They like to lick dust I think and they are kinda scratchy.”
___
“Chickens,” She gave an approving nod. She wasn’t sure where chickens stood on the bird rankings, but they had to rate higher than seagulls. “Gotta make sure the hens are all on the same page.” The witch’s face broke into a wide grin when Lil acquiesced. “C’mon Donald, back inside honey.” Rosemary ran back inside to grab her vacuum, the ducklings little webbed feet making her laugh as she heard them frantically plapping against the hardwood floor as he chased after her. She set him up with some water and peas, before running back outside armed with her Hoover.
“No problem— I love weird shit. Demonic dust bunnies definitely fall into that category.” Her voice was muffled from behind the respirator, but the smile on her face was evident. “What, like a cat tongue?” Rosemary asked, heading over to the empty property. “You know what you should do- you should get a roomba, and decorate it. Exorcist’s assistant. Bam. Problem solved.”
__
Lil snorted at the idea that demonic dust bunnies were weird. She had to guess for a lot of people, and it was for sure part of the culture shock she had when she had left the town. It was probably good that most people didn’t know about the fluffy albeit sickening dust clouds with eyes and a tongue. Most people probably wouldn’t be grinning about going in with a respirator to deal with them.
But that was also a great bit about the town. Rosemary was fully willing to see them and not be horrified. “Yeah like a cat tongue.” Lil said thinking about Luna and how they were kind of scratchy. At the idea of a little robot Lil snorted at the thought. “You know - I’ll have to try that. I do think they could probably get out of roombas though.” She didn’t think they could haunt them or possess them - but honestly who knew. Studying how demons work was way above her paygrade even when she had been a demonologist.
Entering the house she could sense the little poofs of dust and malice. It wasn’t strong - but it was like an itch she couldn’t get away from. Demons were like that, unlike ghosts that felt sad and lost demons knew that they should be here - they demanded to be here in a way that only the most confident of a species could. “Yeah there’s a little colony. Follow me,” Lil said moving through the breaking down house.
Lil spent more time than she thought most people did in decaying buildings, then again a haunted house wasn’t so different then a ghost. Even so, there was something tragic in the way that the house couldn’t decay naturally. Demons weren’t like worms, they didn’t break something down to enrich the soil. They fed and fed and they left nothing for the natural cycle. If normal predators were a part of a food chain - if they eventually returned to dust as well as their prey did - demons were a parasite sucking the matter out. They didn’t give back to the earth - hell even a ghost had a body at some point that if nothing else fed the earth as it faded.
Even though Lil felt pity for the creatures when they were small - and couldn’t in this case bear to kill the dust bunnies - it didn’t change the fact that it was a human instinct to empathize that most of the demons she encountered wouldn’t even fake. It was her own failing, and her own humanity. She was projecting something onto them that they would not project onto her.
Tip toeing Lil found the dust bunnies huddled around a damp patch where water had collected and dust and mold clung to the walls. The air felt sickly and full of dust and spores that made the bit of her that was still just a scared human want to scream and run away about bad air. There’s an instinct in most people to see something so close to decay and run, but as soon as she felt that she squashed it. Instead she looked at the swirling barely formed creatures and calmed herself. They were eating, they didn’t see them and she wanted to get this done before she started to sneeze.
Still Lil looked at Rosemary and nodded. “Count of three? I’ll go left you go right?”
__
Rosemary hadn’t been fully certain what she’d been expecting to find in the dilapidated old residence. The cobwebs and mold that covered seemingly every surface made perfect sense, but the actual demons did not. They were kind of… cute, in a vaguely unholy way. She let out a soft aw as she saw the puff balls for the first time. Part of her wanted to ask if there was a chance they could be domesticated, but based on the exorcist’s description of what they considered a habitat, she wasn’t all that interested.
“Yeah, works for me,” the witch had her finger on the power button, ready to suck down some dust devils with her vacuum. “One… two…” Rosemary glanced over at Lil at the last second, before running down the clock. “Three!” Her vacuum roared to life, and the witch made a beeline for the fuzzy little devils.
__
Lil moved swiftly, getting the first of the demons sucked up before they could quite scatter. The air was full of - well dust and debris. She had a sneaking suspicion when history said a place had miasma; this was what they had meant as she tried not to cough, sucking the dust up. It smelled diseased and moldy - not something anyone would want to have in their house. Which really did make sense as she looked around sucking up the little devils.
It wasn’t too hard. The dust was cornered and while they could make you sick, they really didn’t try to fight back in a traditional way instead trying to scurry away. The vacuum Lil held though was pretty strong for a cordless one and swept over the poofs of dust well sucking them in with a high pitched whirring sound.
Lil couldn’t help the cough, eventually coughing through the respirator. “God, that smell is so musty. I think we got them all though.” She said looking around as she heard the gentle scraps of their tongues on the side of the vacuum bag. “You okay?”
__
The demons scattered in every direction as the witch came at them with the vacuum cleaner. They scurried around at her feet, and one by one, they were sucked up into the vacuum with a cartoonish thwump. A few of them clung to her feet as she took care of the bigger groups of them, their sandpaper tongues snagging on her socks, but soon enough they vanished into the vacuum cleaner.
The vacuum’s high pitched whine wound down as Rosemary turned the machine off. “All good here!” She sneezed, shaking her head. “God, maybe I should have taken a Claritin,” Laughter echoed through the empty old house as she packed up the vacuum. “Come on, let’s get out of here before Patty from the HOA calls the cops on us for breaking and entering or something.”
Hello. Can someone tell me what the feck a flurrator is? I currently have several live animals in my office, running around, and the only information I have is on a sticky note that was on my door. There should be no live animals in my office other than the beetles. The flurrator delivery person was mistaken.
I think they ate one of my bones! I mean, not-- never mind. How does one remove flurrators? Is there a flurrator removal service?
Do they not realize we are going to have a fire inspection next month?
A what? I mean can you describe what it looks like? Is it fluffy/ smooth, big / small ect? I mean Animal services probably could remove it but you'd need to know what it looks like first.
Oh so it was more of a comment on the weather got you. I was just going to let you know we have a team here. Seems like a fun local league kind of thing. You might be able to try out for them.
I don't watch a whole lot anymore but I was an Orioles fan.
@hotbearsawyer replied to your post: "I have a mime ghost. Please help. They are so..."
So many mime ghosts in this town! I have, like, three of them, just like miming all over the place. They're like such a nuisance. Like flies banging against the windows. Whack whack whack. I've attempted to use a mime swatter (a very large fly swatter) against them, but that doesn't do the trick.
[ User pauses not knowing if the other is serious] Yeah if it's a ghost, they wouldn't react to a fly swatter. Are you like going through these mimes or do they have a body?
Oh, great question! I am currently, you know, mocking up a price menu but I am willing to negotiate! Especially for a bulk order! How many are you wanting?
I think I'll need like 25? Most of them I don't personally know I don't think so it would be okay if like a lot of them were similarish. It just kinda sounded like a good gift to give out and my mom is pretty insistent on doing something.
What’s something that haunts you in the midnight hours
That weird unsettling laughter from a creature that was essentially playing with it's food. The fact I can still feel it's eyes on me - something that I can truly comprehend. The fear dread that I think any animal has to run and hide when a predator is around - the fact that I feel like prey for the first time -
People really not understanding how cemeteries work. It's not very hard, don't step on graves.
Do you really think there's any world where you make them proud? Everyone knows you're a failure. Maybe you should figure it out, too.
[User is, admittedly a little more hurt by this anon]
Bold of you to assume I've ever tried to make anyone proud of me. I'm useful to society, what are you? Because maybe just maybe if you let go of whatever this hurt your projecting is you can heal.
How many people will you get killed before you accept that you're not built for this?
[...] Who exactly did I get killed dude? Granted I sometimes have gotten hurt, but either the person is already dead (ghost) or like my help isn't what did it. Get better insults. Or go troll someone who feels worse about stuff I guess.
Yeah.
I don't really watch it.
But if I had to pick a team, I guess it would be the Arizona Diamondbacks.
They're not bad.
I prefer playing the game, though.
Oh so it was more of a comment on the weather got you. I was just going to let you know we have a team here. Seems like a fun local league kind of thing. You might be able to try out for them.
I don't watch a whole lot anymore but I was an Orioles fan.
[pm] I've worked the front of my brother's antique shop a lot with the cash register. I also uh you know have worked as an exorcist for 10+ years which has a lot of customer skills you probably wouldn't think about. I also helped run the day to day tasks for my folks so like scheduling exorcisms, taking calls, gathering and outsourcing supplies. That sort of thing.
So I guess I've worked in retail and contracted work. I know how to use a register, and I am comfortable with talking to upset customers.
God is anyone else's mom traditional with weddings? I've just spent the last two weeks writing congratulation and or threat cards for like half of the town. Also does anyone have a good threat that I should put in. I've been using "be happy or else" but that's like kinda boring.
Talented, artistic people of WR! (If you are not that, DNI) Open auditions for The Stage Below's new play are starting soon, and you don't wanna miss this one! For all information I redirect you to the theater's website or my inbox. Waiting in the wings for you!
