found souls

[steamandcream]

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

[steamandcream]

sorry to put your tags on blast on this insane breach containment post I have since muted, but you're right and you should say it.

It is defeatable. Go for the throat.

[epochryphal]

"none of these words are in the bible": trite, charged by christian nationalism, toothless as an observation

"none of these zotes are in the journal": fresh, niche indie endgame knowledge, cutting (your words are endless ordeal zotelings specifically)

[theseus-system]

insystem communication can be so varied

[unique-plural]

We have a headmate who never fronts in the sense of controlling the body. They manifest as a sort of hallucination in physical space for whoever is in control of the body. That's their version of fronting. We have another headmate, recently formed, who is able to do that as well, though they primarily front the standard way. Anyone else have an experience like this?

This could happen for those who impose their headmates in the physical world, but I doubt that it's a common experience. Tulpamancers are the ones who typically learn how to impose their tulpa to the degree of seeing them in the physical world flawlessly. Outside of that, I haven't heard from other types of plurals if they've had this experience.

I wanna know if others do too now.

-Zenith (2nd "Personality Host"/Zenitsu Fictive /@enberneutral)

[endogenesis-evangelion]

we're not tulpamancers but we do do imposition!

[inexactually]

We picked it up in the dæmonism days (or I guess came up with it independently but then encountered dæmonism as our first plural-adjacent social context), where it gets called "projection". It's clearly the same skill as imposition, though the transitivity of that term in the tulpamancy space has always felt weird to me; for us it's definitely something the non-fronter is doing to communicate their position and appearance and posture/gestures, rather than something the fronter is doing to them or for them.

In any case, I think pretty much anyone in our system who's co-present and not fronting can do it to some degree, though not everyone has an interest in it or bothers to do it consistently. It does seem to take different levels of effort, depending on practice and on how well that person does at co-presence more generally (not everyone has an easy time riding shotgun without either drifting off or accidentally yoinking the body).

The person here who projects herself the most (close to 100% of the time she's around at all) is someone who doesn't ever drive the body, similar to what the OP described. I had to learn how to stop constantly projecting myself outside the body in order to stably take front, and when I'm co-present but not fronting I think I still have at least a spatial position more often than not, without consciously making an effort (but any more than that does take attention).

[juney-blues]

i'd say i carry a normal amount of all the mild social rejection i've ever received in my body like shrapnel

[spiribia]

im contractually obligated to like every character that has no human heart or no human soul or so on allegedly and is an empty shell allegedly. for the record

[sovietnam]

[micewithknives]

I let myself rest and now I'm daydreaming about academia and academic research and writing again

[micewithknives]

Guys I'm getting some very mixed messaging here

[krindor]

academia perfec t size to put human in to learn! inside very good and learn human get smart put human in academia. put human in academia. no problems ever in academia because no stress and support for human mind in big human head. academia yes a place for human put human in academia can trust college for giveing good brain to human. friend college.

[squaresaw]

[divorce-enjoyer]

i didnt know you were allowed to do things for the sake of wanting to do things. i thought you were just supposed to keep that locked inside your ribcage and let it rot you inside out until youre limping around as the desiccated corpse of who you could have been

[divorce-enjoyer]

this post is about TRANSITIONING and CHANGING YOUR MAJOR

[siegecraft]

i know it's hard. but i so firmly believe the strongest antidote to loneliness is reaching out first. and continuing to reach out. again and again and again. excise any scrap of shame you hold about being the person who texts first or pitches the plan or asks to get lunch. everyone is tired and busy and struggling. and afraid of feeling unwanted and unimportant. don't let the people you love feel that way. reach out first. don't be a ghost in your own life.

[toastyglow]

I think one of the best things I learned from my last therapist was the idea that when there's a box in your mind you need to open, you don't have to open it all the way on the first try.

what I mean is that she said "you didn't deserve <bad thing that happened to you>" and I said, "I feel like I know that intellectually, but I don't really believe it deep down". and she said, "do you think you can try to believe it just a little bit, as an experiment?" and I started crying lmao

trying to change a core belief entirely all at once is scary, especially when it exists as a protective measure. try giving yourself a cheeky bit of plausible deniability! you're just dipping your toes in the water of self-esteem, you're just having a little wade! you don't have to go swimming right away, and you can always step out if you want. (but the longer you spend in the water, the more you start to understand you're actually safe there...hm, who could have predicted this...)

so that's my advice: if there's something real and true you can't seem to believe no matter how hard you try, take some time to try and really believe it just a little bit, even if you're only pretending at first. climb the staircase one step at a time instead of trying to put one foot all the way at the top!

[romancenjoyer]

“the possibility of rejection is essential to forming deep relationships with people” - chanté joseph for british vogue

[romancenjoyer]

[mrsterlingeverything]

Whats up ladies i im several years behind

[thehazesystem]

@funnier-as-a-system

[devilcat3d]

*said with so much love in my heart that it's full to bursting* hey I had a lot of fun last time would you like to hang out again sometime soon? :)

[hellsbaby-deactivated20251129]

the introvert urge to say “no worries either way” when you’re actually worrying both ways plus a secret third way

[lelif]

on survival

-// @aridante // @orivu // @buzzkillgirls // ? // ? // richard siken// @cemeterything // moomin, tove jansson// @disenchanted-killjoy // isn't that enough, shawn mendes// @ prettytheyswag on twitter// @ coletyumuch on twitter// ? // ? // bird by bird, anne lamott// undertale// @strawberrycircuits