If the Dark Brotherhood had a HR department how would Nim word her email to them about Lucien's first offence of professional misconduct? Or more emails, considering a disciplinary and an online course about workplace etiquette probably wouldn't fix his behaviour.
Omg XD I’ve been sitting on this ask for over a week, because my new job has taken all of my energy, but I had so much fun the last few days when I finally got to chew on it a bit:)) Thank you so much for asking!! I got a bit carried away, ehehe
Now, given the way Nim handles Lucien creeping on her I mean, seducing her in The Illusionist, I think it’s safe to say she would rather go “op 🤷♀️” and stick her head in the sand than ever acknowledge there is a problem lol. More likely, someone else in the sanctuary would have informed HR way before she ever considered it. Probably Lorise. It would go like this:
Subject: This is becoming a PATTERN
Vicente,
Please, please, PLEASE do something about our esteemed Speaker’s ongoing misunderstanding of professional boundaries. His behaviour toward Nimileth is becoming so brazen, I suspect even Schemer is aware, and if I hear that man say “good girl” one more time, I will take out a contract on myself just for the peace and quiet.
Attached below are merely those incidents I personally observed this week:
- During the all-hands meeting, Lucien stared at Nim for ten uninterrupted minutes while making innuendo regarding “where a subtle blade sinks the deepest.”
- He has developed a habit of materializing beside her and touching her shoulder before she notices him. This caused her to crash directly into the Dark Guardian yesterday, which I feel qualifies as a workplace hazard and cannot possibly comply with the sanctuary’s safety regulations.
- In the training quarters, I overheard Lucien asking Nim whether, in a “hypothetical captive scenario,” she would prefer “a slow surrender or immediate submission,” though I failed to see how either option constituted standard tactical procedure.
- He keeps using that horrible ghost-story voice whenever he says her name, and last night over dinner, he discussed “penetration strategies” while polishing the Blade of Woe and maintaining direct eye contact with her across the table. Witnesses were unfortunately present, and it has been negatively affecting team cohesion.
- Just this morning, Nim showed me several emails and texts Lucien has been sending her (all after 2:00 AM, mind you). They consisted primarily of song lyrics fluctuating wildly between graphic, grotesque, and alarmingly sentimental. She described them to me as "cringe lol," but I suspect this was a front for deeper discomfort.
I would appreciate clarification as to whether any of this falls within approved mentorship guidelines, because in my humble opinion Lucien has found a way to turn every contract briefing into his own personal interpretation of foreplay. Personally, I would not continue working under these circumstances. I know we are assassins, but there must still be some standard for professional decorum. I appreciate that Lucien is our superior and therefore technically entitled to behave as though his own arse is the very Void Sithis crawled out of, but I am running out of euphemisms for whatever this is, and we are one more incident away from a stabbing.
Walk in darkness,
Lorise
Subject: Re: This is becoming a PATTERN
My dearest Lorise,
Your concerns are duly noted. Though, in fairness, Speaker Lachance has always possessed a theatrical approach to communication, and I would gently remind you that the sanctuary has historically operated with somewhat flexible interpretations of professionalism. Assassination is, after all, not a field known for rigid interpersonal boundaries. I assure you Lucien means no harm. On sanctuary grounds at least.
Even so, I admit the excessive innuendo is regrettable. I shall speak to Lucien if it will ease your mind, though I suspect he will simply interpret the formal complaint as encouragement.
V
P.S. I find your sudden concern regarding “professional boundaries” and “workplace impropriety” rather charming considering the very compromising situation you had me in last night.
Vicente Valtieri
Executioner, Cheydinhal Sanctuary
Dark Brotherhood Operations & Personnel Oversight
***Please direct all contract disputes to Ocheeva***
Subject: RE: RE: This is becoming a PATTERN
I’m forwarding this to Ocheeva
And then here is Vicente's email to Lucien :P
Subject: Workplace expectations and leadership standards
Dearest Brother,
Several concerns have been raised regarding your mentorship of our newest recruit, and it has come to my attention that your inappropriate familiarity during operational briefings have begun negatively impacting workplace morale.
As you hold the title of deeply esteemed Speaker, I know you would never intentionally conduct yourself in any manner unbecoming of Dark Brotherhood leadership. Nevertheless, I would invite you to visit my quarters at your earliest convenience so we may discuss these concerns further. In the meantime, Sanctuary members are advised to avoid:
- suggestive weapons demonstrations
- excessive use of the phrase “good girl/boy”
- materializing beside junior assassins without warning
- unnecessary whispering and prolonged staring during contract review
- extending personal correspondences with subordinates after work hours.
- “hypothetical captive scenarios”
Please note this matter has already been informally raised by multiple witnesses.
Hail Sithis,
V
Vicente Valtieri
Executioner, Cheydinhal Sanctuary
Dark Brotherhood Operations & Personnel Oversight
***Please direct all contract disputes to Ocheeva***
Subject: RE: Workplace expectations and leadership standar
Dear Brother,
I confess myself somewhat perplexed by these allegations. Kindly direct me to where within the Tenets it is written that one may not praise those who bear the Dread Father’s blessing. If junior murderers of the sanctuary choose to misinterpret ordinary professional admiration as unsanctioned flirtation, then perhaps the issue lies not with my conduct, but with the regrettably undisciplined imaginations of our witnesses.
As for the matter of “prolonged staring,” I was merely observing potential, which, as you well know, is among the most important responsibilities of my role as Speaker. So too with my gentle words of inspiration. Nothing as prosaic as daylight would prevent me from extending encouragement to my dark siblings. Truthfully, I fail to see how such diligence and dedication to my Sithis’ blessed station has suddenly become grounds for administrative intervention.
Coldest regards,
Lucien Lachance
Speaker | Child of Sithis 🙏🖤
Author of:
“How I Eliminated A Traitor And Rebuilt Team Morale”
“Ten Tips For Getting Your Sanctuary Back On Track After A Purification”
“The Subtle Blade: Leadership Through Fear, Precision, and Personal Magnetism”