Allistics (non-autistic people) please read!
Iāve seen plenty of posts about it being important for allistics to not infantilise autistic people, and I agree.
But you know what I havenāt seen addressed and really want to make clear?
Allistics are not allowed to judge which behaviours are infantilising when it comes to autistic people receiving support.
What neurotypicals might perceive as āinfantilisingā to them, might just be what allows an autistic person to function. I have had this happened to me a few times, but the most notable occasion was about a month ago.
I was not functioning well with living alone and had fallen behind on many important phone calls, was not eating regularly, and was overall in a very bad mental state.
For the first time, I actually opened up to my mother about how much I struggle with these things, and it was a very big moment for me. She was not the most accepting when I was first diagnosed with ASD, but she has come far since then (still some way to go though).
She was facetiming me one day and was helping me write a list of things I had to do and was laying things out in minute detail.
āHave you eaten today?ā āNo.ā āOkay, you need to go to the fridge, then get some food, make a sandwich and sit down to eat it.ā I wrote all of this down on my whiteboard. āThen you need to set an alarm on your phone for 1pm everyday-ā she waited for me to open the app ā-then you need to label it āeat lunchā.ā
And this was the most support I had ever received in my life for my autism and I was so happy, literally thrilled. Happy flapping galore. Suddenly things made more sense, I felt more hopeful that with this kind of support I would be able to function a bit better.
But my younger sister (who really is wonderful, I donāt want this one experience to make her out to be horrible, she really is amazing) was in the room with my mum and she said:
āMa, donāt baby him, itās offensive.ā
And I cannot tell you how heavy my heart felt in that moment.
Something which, for me, was exactly what I needed to feel functional and to feel like an adult for once, was seen as babying by someone else, someone very important to me.
And I shakily explained over the phone that actually this was exactly what I needed, thank you for having my back but I donāt find this offensive I find it helpful. She apologised and she sounded mortified by her mistake, I felt bad for her honestly.
But since then I havenāt been able to bring myself to ask my mum for this kind of help again because it was seen as infantilising.
I try not to let peopleās opinions get to me but, as Iām sure most people can agree, thatās fucking difficult. Especially when youāve constantly been judged, mocked, and discredited by neurotypicals your whole life.
So yeah, donāt infantilise autistic people. Donāt call them an uwu precious littol bean. Donāt shrug off their ideas and emotions as unimportant. Definitely donāt feel sympathy for us for being autistic.
But if you see an autistic person being helped by someone they are close to such as a friend, family member, or carer, donāt call it out as being āinfantilisingā. Because in a lot of cases itās not. Itās helping. You have no authority in labelling our support.
Neurotypicals please reblog but donāt add anything
Other neurodivergent people can add to this!
ellievsbear
origamiaround
titsay
discoholicmusic
snowghoul
