[help-mywife]

help, my wife got wine drunk and tried to set our marriage certificate on fire, saying “good luck trying to return me without the receipt”

[myboyfriendpetebuttigieg]

Reblog this if you slept with my ex-wife Susan.

Trying to prove a point to my divorce lawyer.

[weavemama]

THE STUDENT ATHLETE MEMES ARE WHAT WE NEED IN TIMES LIKE THIS 

[ladytudorrose]

The sad thing is I know like six people like this.

[officialunitedstates]

hey here’s a fact for all of my followers who follow me.  butter, ice cream, milk, and cheese all come to us from the same animal.  i cant remember which animal it is right now but i know for sure its the same one

[cigaretteslutx]

Ill give you a hint, it moos

[officialunitedstates]

thanks yeah it’s the moose

[best-shower-thoughts]

You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one. (source)

[the-memedaddy]

[electric-daisy-forest]

I’m the type of girlfriend that will make you pasta at midnight

[khalasxx-deactivated20230802]

do you ever feel like your heart needs a hug

[lostintheligh-t-deactivated2026]

Right now

[thedivine-feminine]

Sex is great and all but… have you ever just laid in bed with someone and kissed them while your hands trailed along their body?

[curlsandstems]

Don’t do drugs, ladies and gents. 😂😭😂😭😂😭

[thewanderingnegro-deactivated20]

“Whats your safe word?”

[curlsandstems]

That part had me weak 😂😭😂😭😂😭 

[paninimami]

“You think I’m in pilates?”😭

[trashg0d-deactivated20180217]

“watch ya fingers bootyhole man!!” Lmfaooaoaoaoooo

[justcariii]

Lol i need to be his friend

[reggienicolerocket]

The sound he makes when he picks him up 😂😂😂😂😂😂

[dontberough-deactivated20141219]

Turn ons:

Seeing someone bite their lower lip

Having someone bite my lower lip

Being pinned against a wall

Back scratches 

Hickeys

Neck kissing

Neck biting

Putting my hand where you want to be touched

Heavy breathing

Moaning

Seeing your reaction

Secretly teasing one another in puplic

Booty

Boobs

[theinturnetexplorer]

[theinturnetexplorer]

[rustandruin]

[snivy]

literally everything is unisex if u stop giving a fuck

[themostbeautifulanimals]

[mimikyu-chwan]