New Years Resolutions
Flute: Your year is now monochromatic! Congratulations. Pick a color, or spin a wheel to spice it up. You can only wear, eat, and touch things of that color! Go on, you've earned that pink Mendini Flute.
Oboe: You have entered your soothsayer era. You now exclusively speak in rhymes and riddles. Buy a robe and grow out your hair to really commit to the bit. Drape your reedmaking supplies conspicuously around yourself for that extra bit of authenticity.
Clarinet: Start applying to reality TV shows - really insist on making the clarinet your entire personality. The Bachelor/ette would be a good place to start, particularly if you stand up the last person standing for your instrument - but I'm not telling you how to live your life.
Bassoon: World's largest ball of twine? Boring. Time to start the world's largest ball of reed thread. Sell tickets under the table and use it to fund your ridiculously expensive hobby.
Saxophone: It's time to reinvent yourself. Who will you be? What will you become? Mortuary Scientist? Squirrel Whisperer? Nurse? What will you sacrifice? Burn all of your material possessions and start over. Give your name to the fae. No takesies-backsies.
Trumpet: It's time to start that gym membership you've been thinking about. Not because there's anything wrong with your body - no. Your body is perfect. You're perfect, you silly creature. But everyone's past catches up to them if they don't stop running from it, so you'd better be ready.
Horn: Learn a new language, to appease the old, green owl god. Select the most obscure one you can find. The weight of its continued existence now rests in your hands. This is your burden to carry for having superior aural skills.
Trombone: Start a cult. What could possibly go wrong?
Euph/Baritone/Tuba: Turn the world upside down and break the status quo. Write a new piece of music, giving all of the glory to the low brass and reeds for once. The flutes get the bass line. Make every rhythm needlessly complicated for no reason, and demand that the editor not fix it. It wasn't a mistake. Make the others suffered as you have.
Percussion: Collect every pencil left on the floor after rehearsal. If your group is good about that, resort to theft. They'll never expect it from you. Create a new..." addition" to the percussion family with your collection. Interpret that as you see fit.
Violin: Join a new niche hobby. But only something that you're good at right away, or it won't be fun. The smaller the hobby, the more likely you are to claw your way to the top. Success at all costs.
Viola: Create short-form videos on the internet in which you take on the persona of an entirely new person who time-travels and does not play the viola. Build a following. Once achieved, pull the rug out from under everyone and tell them you were a violist all along.
Cello: You broke an item when you were a small child. You might not remember what it was - but the ghosts do. They've been biding their time, waiting to exact their revenge. You'd better study up and figure out how to best prepare for that.
Double Bass: Saving money will be critical for you this year. Big instrument = big debt. Look on the bright side, gigs are often plentiful for someone of your caliber, and if the mob comes for you, you'll probably fit in the case...
Piano: You should really get outside more, you've been looking a little pale lately and the vampire rumors have started. If those rumors are true and the outside is indeed dangerous, then bring the outside in with a few new plants at the windows.
