dumb and poetic

[intellectualmadness4eva]

lovers

i sit in airplanes, fully consumed by thoughts of death, what if this is my last meal, i think, quietly, but i sat there with him and fed him food and i wished for that plane to stay in the air for as long as it could. I sat in a plane holding my lover's hands, i really wished the plane would not land, there would be too many birds in the sky or the wind would flow in my favor for once in my life and maybe the pilot would turn the plane around because he forgot to kiss his wife goodbye, maybe... just maybe, i would feed him all my life and his hand would never leave mine. we would talk and laugh and make life fun and that would be enough. even though the thought of death did not come to my mind, if that was my last meal i was glad to have gotten to share it with him and if that plane had crashed that evening, i would have died with my heart full of love with my lover perfectly intertwined. they say it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all and how true that seems when you fall in love again and your heart only beats for one. how id jump off of the highest cliffs only if he held my hand, because if i die, i'll die with my heart full of love and my lover right by my side.

[intellectualmadness4eva]

it is three and I'm watching him sleep, i wonder how it will feel to always have eight pieces of bread to toast instead of my usual four. laughing at the same lame jokes and making fun of the same old people, how truly delicious it seems, when the clock hits four and i somehow cannot sleep cause of his snores. the same tired eyes always looking into mine, two cups of coffee in the morning, and laughter at every point of time? the concept of forever and its with the right person this time, he has a good heart and mind and we laugh at all the same things at the same time, he offers me his hands as if he wouldn't mind if i asked for his heart next. i wonder how it feels to always have a forever.

[intellectualmadness4eva]

isnt there a song that goes, "why'd you only love me when you're high?"

im a poet, i won't ever let this die, unlike your love for me, which was just too eager to be in the coffin and in flames at the same time. to love and to lose, you really did lose, i would have loved you through everything. the space between my fingers belonged to you and now i don't even like you anymore. what a sad ending to the greatest love affair.

[intellectualmadness4eva]

i cannot wait five minutes for my cup noodles to be fully cooked and i survive solely on instant coffee. i like taking the stairs cause i cannot wait for the elevator to arrive and i watch every lecture on 2x speed. i speak too fast and i write too much and i burn my tongue cause i'm too impatient for my food to cool down but ever since he has come into my life, i cannot help but sit and hear him talk so slow and i can't help but get lost in his words. i cannot help but dream of a slow life with him. i cannot wait to wait hours for his onions to caramelise and his chocolate cake to bake.

[intellectualmadness4eva]

till our fingers decompose, keep my hand in yours.

[intellectualmadness4eva]

i know i sound manic, but we are tied to each other you can't deny it and you know that too, that look you gave me, there's hurt in your eyes i know it and you do too. i keep thinking about how it felt when our fingers intertwined for the first time and i got deja vu yes i am probably crazy and it is 2 in the morning but we have known each other before, this is not our first meeting. i keep thinking of you thinking about my hands cause maybe you are? some part of me still believes you're reading this so please excuse my desperation, it's 2 and i am a writer in my heart and soul. i miss tucking my thumb in your hands too much for my own good.

[intellectualmadness4eva]

the sky looks so beautiful today and i'm not thinking of anyone

[intellectualmadness4eva]

his handwriting is like a child's the way it's so careful with the curves, just like he was with my hands. his mind mischievous, his body like a man's. how can someone be so soft and so cruel at the same time? how stupid of me to wonder that, because all roses come with thorns and all lovers break your heart. to love is to be both the prey and the predator.to leave me all alone with these glimpses of a life with you is a cruel act, i must admit to that. your eyes have lost all light since we said goodbye that night and it baffles me that you're willing to hurt yourself rather than picking up the phone. sink your teeth in my neck and i'll do the same to you cause even in my last moments, i'll always be glad it was you. your sad eyes break my heart so don't look at me again if it's not forever. come, let's forget what never was and start what always will be. there is all the sadness in the world waiting for us, let's face it together, hand in hand, my love, just come.

[intellectualmadness4eva]

i didn't look up cause i was scared you wouldn't be looking back at me. i hope i was wrong and i hope you are just as miserable as i am, no matter what your eyes say.

[intellectualmadness4eva]

you always said that tolerance is a curse. i hope you drink a little too much tonight. I hope tonight it gets too much and you break free. i hope your intoxicated mind thinks of no one but me and i hope you pick up the phone i hope you long for me the way i long for you. if i knew you, i know you miss my voice and my mind and my eyes and my hands and my heart. i know you do, i know it. I hope tonight the alcohol whispers stories of our love into your mind and i hope your friends remind you how we intertwined like it was god himself singing our names together. this story hasn't ended so please don't rush to write the epilogue. it's not yours to write, let fate take it's sweet time writing this for us.

[intellectualmadness4eva]

I've been doing really well, incase you've been thinking of me. It's my mom's birthday today, and well she told me to eat well. I got myself a lotus biscoff cheesecake. you teased me about never having tried it so i thought I'd give it a chance. Its funny, i thought we'd try it together, that it would be one of the many firsts I'll get to share with you. I was afraid to take the first bite you know? what if i hated it and i couldn't tell you about it? or worse, what if i loved it and i couldn't tell you i loved it? well i did take a bite eventually and i have to say, i liked it, but not as much as i liked you. Some part of me hopes that you're reading this, I want to believe it, no matter how distant of a dream it may seem. the sky has been incredibly beautiful lately and I've been happy. everything is back to how it used to be, quiet, just how i like it. although i would be lying if i said i don't miss the chaos that came with falling for you. you were loud, i didn't mind it. i wish i could hate you. love stories and love songs usually remind me of how i should go out into the world and explore myself and eventually love will find me. however, in a strange turn of events, love stories now make me realize that i already found it and then lost it. this is a reach but i hope you're doing well.

[intellectualmadness4eva]

the weather is so perfect today i hope you're thinking of me too

[intellectualmadness4eva]

life is so much easier with the dim lights

dim lights save me

we hate on big lights on this blog

[intellectualmadness4eva]

taylor just got engaged lehuiedyubkgyfebdsgvfgyuashskans nfhw

(so happy i texted my situationship)

[intellectualmadness4eva]

since things didn't work out in my favor i am going to write about a lifetime they do work out in my favor. in that lifetime you kiss me ever so gently and never let go. even though it is scary we still dive in head first. we dance in the rain and become best friends. we fall in love and nothing ever changes, i still make your heart beat out of your chest and you still make me grateful. there are no worries in our lives and we go through life being each others rocks. we stay together forever, just as obsessed with each other as the first day. in another life, we are best friends in love and god really did send you as an apology not a lesson.

[intellectualmadness4eva]

majestic building, completely isolated, stillness, quiet, me and you, talking about god, ghosts and dreams, that one staircase, you and me, the window, the air, still and quiet, your eyes following mine, smiles hard to contain, isolation, intimacy, that embrace, my laugh, muffled by your shirt, just us, the curse of forever, my fingers, wrapped around yours, descending spiral staircase, holding onto each other, cause lovers don't let go, madness, trance, hysteria, you.

[intellectualmadness4eva]

instead of resenting someone who did you dirty, take all the things you liked about them and implement them into your own life. carry the love you felt for them with you by embodying it. this is how you become the most talented coolest version of yourself and plus point, you get to feel the love you radiate.