UNDER THE SEA...
that’s where all our ships are sinking because it’s break up season, bitches. no one is weathering this storm. ariel might have sat on rocks to sing a pretty tune but around here our favourite disasters are crashing into them like never before and if you ask me, there won’t be many who ever make it back. rest in pieces.
to honour our most recent dearly departed guests, i’m not even going to throw shade. i’m sure that auggie will do enough of that about our most beloved threesome participant francis wymack. good luck in the city, bodhi and owen, you were our favourite gays (sorry, kai). please, only come back if you want to be in another controversial fourway relationship.
we’ll start with a little low down on our favourite unhappily married couple everett and emerson. we’re all shocked they stayed married this long but we hear through the grapevine that everetts finally filing for that D-I-V-O-R-C-E. celebrations might be in order but emerson went full speed ahead when it came to fulfilling her new role as community hoe... is she trying to one up her husbands rep? more on this later.
rumour has it that kai left the party with our favourite young sweet magazine enthusiastic. so, which option did you take on the pop quiz? A or B? you know, we never pictured lloyd in a sexy beach themed entanglement but it certainly has our interest. our new otp? ares and olivia are out forever, kai and lloyd are in.
silas was playing his normal party tricks and honouring his title as one of the community dicks, first there was reese, then there was emerson (these two have a thing for sharing guys) and then there was... most shocking of all, reid bennet. it must be hard putting so much work in around here to seeming sexy and mysterious but the good news is that it seems like there’s a new mystery man on the horizon... welcome to the interchange mariano. i wonder if he uses the pet name kitten too.
with this shit ton of new faces it’s hard to keep up but we’ll make sure to keep a close eye on all these new attractive young people to ensure we can dish the dirt on them as a matter of urgency.
keo and ashley mac making are making a splash when it comes to hitting the likability scale- but with the return of the other ashley, we have to question how long it’ll take for shit to hit the fan and if she’s interested in rekindling her little friendship with our very own naomi o now prank seasons over. if not maybe we’ll get our dreams of a man hating ashley supremacy over here.
it seems like valeria returned just in time to be flavour of the week and she might have enjoyed a little flirtation with finley and everett. but don’t feel bad about flirting with your friends husband, val... emerson will be square because we hear she was busy asking cassidy if he was interested in a little ocean action. now, i thought we believed in girl code at least, ladies. can’t you trust any of your friends with your boyfriend, cecilya?
we did spy one particularly thrilling scene, our own little tyler standing up to his long term lover (and executioner) elle woodhouse. we all know how elle loves to keep a list of rotational lovers on the go but with them dropping like flies, maybe she should be a little kinder to the only one who actually likes her. maybe it’s time for little ty to get a piece on the side and see if she cares when she’s going through dick-privation. consider rosalie, alana or jac as some sexy options.
what else? auggie’s still crying about his crush, no one knows what’s going on between noah and lafayette, estelle and silver still haven’t fucked, arisa is still single, zeki and mel are still together and i’m still wondering what georgia was up while she was gone.