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Kaledo Art
shark vs the universe
wallacepolsom
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noise dept.
#extradirty
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
trying on a metaphor
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One Nice Bug Per Day
titsay
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Stranger Things
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@interimnity
carpenter ant mimicking spider just wants to help ^_^
(ant...? comm for @pitofsquids )
[Image Description: using forced perspective a tall black ant person... who on closer inspection is really a spider person with hands on their antennae towers over a worker. "I've come to... work" they say omniously.
A shocked ant with goggling eyes says "you're big as hell"]
OH MY GOD THIS IS SO GOOD ANHQLAJWKAJWKJAKK
So I've got this friend whose nervous because she's trans and dating this guy who she hasn't told yet because they've only been on a two dates. For this story let's call the friend Jane and the guy she was dating Jason. Happy ending don't worry.
So I tell Jane to bring her boy over to a bbq I'm having and she can tell him she's trans at my place surrounded by queer and trans people who love her and will support her if he ends up being awful.
She waits till the end of the bbq to tell him the news, by which point the rest of us have learned that Jason is a kind, friendly, empathetic, hard working, dummy. So we sit down, all of us a little worried about this gym bro's reaction when she tells him she's trans, and that she understands if he doesn't want to keep dating her it's no big deal.
He's baffled, so we explain what trans is, and after the disclosure that she hasn't had bottom surgery yet...
"Oh you have a dick?"
"... yeah."
He look's around at the room full of people with baited breath, his clearly a little afraid girl friend says
"Oooohhhh! I get it! You think- don't worry Babe! Watch this!"
And ya'll this man jumps up, runs into the kitchen and returns with one of the bratwurst we had for grilling and proceeds to tilt his head back, put it down his throat, hold it in his mouth for a moment, and spit it up without even a whisper of a gag and then looks around at the group absolutely beaming with pride.
My mans saw his worried girlfriend and her support network and thought to him self "Oh they don't think I can't please my girl, but I'll show them!"
I do feel the need to add that later he excitedly tell the group that as a straight guy, he never thought that skill would be useful outside hotdog eating contests.
"Man its too bad that im straight since I've got like no gag reflex and all."
"Honey, I must tell you, i am in fact trans and I have not had bottom surgery."
"My god... everything's coming up Jason."
they call me the cello the way they're all spreading their legs for me
It would be more accurate to say "they call me the cello the way a select few weirdos are spreading their legs for me," as the cello is not a widely played instrument, nor am I a widely liked person.
they call me the cello the way I go SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH
Resources For Writing Sketchy Topics
Medicine
A Study In Physical Injury
Comas
Medical Facts And Tips For Your Writing Needs
Broken Bones
Burns
Unconsciousness & Head Trauma
Blood Loss
Stab Wounds
Pain & Shock
All About Mechanical Injuries (Injuries Caused By Violence)
Writing Specific Characters
Portraying a kleptomaniac.
Playing a character with cancer.
How to portray a power driven character.
Playing the manipulative character.
Portraying a character with borderline personality disorder.
Playing a character with Orthorexia Nervosa.
Writing a character who lost someone important.
Playing the bullies.
Portraying the drug dealer.
Playing a rebellious character.
How to portray a sociopath.
How to write characters with PTSD.
Playing characters with memory loss.
Playing a pyromaniac.
How to write a mute character.
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How to play a stoner.
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Portraying a character who is anti-social.
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How to portray someone with dyslexia.
How to portray a character with bipolar disorder.
Portraying a character with severe depression.
How to play a serial killer.
Writing insane characters.
Playing a character under the influence of marijuana.
Tips on writing a drug addict.
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Writing a character with Nymphomania.
Writing a character with schizophrenia.
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Writing a character with paranoid personality disorder.
How to play a victim of rape.
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Writing a character who self-harms.
Writing a character who is high on amphetamines.
How to play the stalker.
How to portray a character high on cocaine.
Playing a character with ADHD.
How to play a sexual assault victim.
Writing a compulsive gambler.
Playing a character who is faking a disorder.
Playing a prisoner.
Portraying an emotionally detached character.
How to play a character with social anxiety.
Portraying a character who is high.
Portraying characters who have secrets.
Portraying a recovering alcoholic.
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How to play someone creepy.
Portraying sexually/emotionally abused characters.
Playing a character under the influence of drugs.
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An ode to shooting stars
(Print for Anime Expo, and possibly online after)
Post corrections/clarifications are my favorite genre of humor: a compilation
Huge fan of when my speech patterns rub off on people enjoy when thay happens
NEVERMIND MY GRANDMA JUST SAID SKILL ISSUE
you grow a beautiful tree and then balk at its fruits?
Sometimes.... the price is wrong
reblogging this to add that I often think about the old man yaoi mangaka on bluesky who said "the phrase that finally convinced me that the English language is truly beautiful was 'this shit is so ass'"
what was your almost name? mine was sofia
jokes to make after failure that aren’t self-deprecating:
I’m the best to ever do it
Nobody saw that (best if said loudly)
No one’s ever done it like me
I could be President/they should make me President
Behold, a mere fraction of my power!
The public wants to be me soooooo bad
I’m an expert in (thing you just failed at)
How could this have happened to god’s favorite princess?
Nothing ibuprofen and a glass of water cant fix
I’m being sabotaged
[plants a sword in the ground in front of you after destroying your village] i like the look of hate in your eyes. take this and grow into a fine quarry for my hunt
[after tracking you down ten years later for our fated duel i am once again dissapointed to learn that you gave up walking the path of vengeance and just pay brothel girls that kind of look like me to roleplay fucking you after destroying your village]
Reading fantasy again, I've started thinking about how odd it is how in books like that, the non-human races invariably scoff at human frailty and vulnerability, even those that they'll call friends. Like that's mean?? Why would you be a dick to your friend who you know is not capable of as much as you are, and it's not their fault they were born like that. That's mean.
Like consider the opposite: Characters of non-human races treating their human companions like frail little old dogs. Worrying about small wounds being fatal - humans die of small injuries all the time - or being surprised that humans can actually eat salt, even if they can't stomach other spicy rocks. Being amazed that a human friend they haven't seen in 10 years still looks so young, they've hardly aged at all! And when the human tries to explain that they weren't going to just unexpectedly shrivel into a raisin in 10 years, the longer-lifespan friend dismisses this like no, he's seen it happen, you don't see a human for 10 or 20 years and they've shriveled in a blink.
Elves arguing with each other like "you can't take her out there, she will die!" and when the human gets there to ask what they're talking about, they explain to her that the journey will take them through a passage where it's going to be sunny out there. Humans burn in the sun. And she will have to clarify that no, actually, she'll be fine. They fight her about it, until she manages to convince them that it's not like vampires - humans only burn a little bit in the sun, not all the way through. She'll be fine if she just wears a hat.
Meanwhile dwarves are reluctant to allow humans in their mines and cities, not just out of being secretive, but because they know that you cannot bring humans underground, they will go insane if they go too long without seeing the sun. Nobody is entirely sure how long that is, but the general consensus is three days. One time a human tries to explain their dwarf companion that this is not true, there are humans that endure much longer darkness than that. As a matter of fact, in the furthest habited corners of the lands of the Northmen, the winter sun barely rises at all. Humans can survive three weeks of darkness, and not just once, but every single year.
"Then how do they sane?" Asks the dwarf, and just as he does, the conversation gets interrupted by the northland human, who had been eavesdropping, and turns to look at them with an unnerving glint in her colourless grey eyes, grinning while saying
"That's the neat part, we don't."
Demisexual slayed me 🤣
@sketchygarden
Cinderella (1950)
This. This moment is the most important in the movie. This is when the Prince falls for her - he was infatuated before but he clearly thought that the reason Cinderella was around him was because he was the Prince, but when he discovered she has no clue, he realised that she stayed and talked and spent the whole night with him because she likes who he was as a person - not his title. Not only that but he liked her; we don’t know what they talked about, but we can imagine it must have been interesting and nice to last a whole night so we know she just have said something that made him want to stay around her too. That’s why he wanted to find her, not cause she was pretty (I mean the guy couldn’t even remember her face and went off a shoe for God’s sake - which gives me a theory that the Prince has Prosopagnosia AKA face blindness) but because she liked him not his title, and he liked whoever she was, rich or poor.
The prince has face blindness and dumbass disease ok? He’s trying his best!
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