Breaking Boundaries and Breaking Walls (Erik Killmonger X OC) - Chapter 7
Thank You @lamorenareina for being bomb af and benig my support throughout this and beta reading all my chapters. So glad to have found a new online friend and I love the support. @simpleblkgirl, thank you for giving me the courage to get out of my shell and just keep writing. You both are inspirations and I love and support your work!!
I was an expert at the silent treatment. In all honesty, I could go days at a time without talking to anyone if I didn’t have to. Give me books, music and computer and I’d be satisfied for days. I think that’s why being a counselor was appealing to me. I’ve been told I’m a good person to talk to, because I preferred listening to other people than really do it myself.
I hadn’t spoken a word since I got in the car. I had told myself I wouldn’t say anything unless he’d answer any of the questions I had asked him earlier.
It wasn’t working as planned. Erik hadn’t reacted, simply turned the radio up as we sped along the road. Arms crossed and leaning against the window, I watched the scenery pass with growing irritation.
I had no idea where we were going. I began tapping my finger against my arm, pursing my lips.
The song changed and still not a word was spoken. We weren’t near campus anymore and I was beginning to lose my nerve. Before he’d left, we hadn’t seen each other off campus—mostly meeting at the local café or library. I hadn’t wanted the temptation of him dropping me off at home and managing to charm his way into my place. My will was strong, but not that strong…
“Where are we going?”
Erik’s fingers drummed to the beat on his steering wheel.
“So, you talkin’ now?”
And suddenly, hearing the sarcasm in his voice, something in me snapped.
I considered myself a laid-back person, easy to get along with and able to let go of slights people brought against me. Growing up I had been a sensitive kid, too hyper aware of how everyone felt, saddened that I couldn’t help the people I cared about when I saw them in pain.
My momma had told me that my kind heart would get me in trouble one day. She had loved me but had worried that my compassion would make me blind to those who’d take advantage of me.
But even I had my limits. If he was going to be this way, inconsiderate of how I felt, knowing how I felt….
“Pull over.”
Erik glanced at me and frowned. My eyes narrowed.
“Pull over. I’m going to walk to the next bus stop.” My hand flew to the door handle. I wasn’t stupid enough to pull the door open, but I wanted him to know I was serious.
“Chill out, Shae.”
I turned to him, hating the tears welling in my eyes.
“I haven’t seen you in months. No texts, no calls, not even a fucking email. And I had been stupid enough to think that you…” I paused, the words choking in my throat.
I was not going to cry.
Erik remained silent, his face blank as his eyes stayed trained on the road.
“That we were friends. I knew you had secrets and a past and some shit that’s happened to you that you don’t talk about. But I didn’t care because I like you Erik. You’re smart and you make me laugh and I felt safe around you.”
His grip tightened on the steering wheel but still he remained silent.
“And I take my friendships seriously. I care about my friends. I worry when they disappear and don’t talk to me and I have no idea what happens to them. Not just for weeks. For months, Erik.”
I was shaking and clenched my hands in my lap.
“And then you come back, and you act like nothing’s changed. Like you don’t care. And you won’t even talk to me. You won’t say what happened or where you’ve been.”
A few tears spilled out and I rubbed at my eyes, my glasses hitching higher up my face. I didn’t want him to see my cry.
“Africa.”
I looked at him, blinking through the tears in my eyes.
“What?”
We had pulled up to a red light and Erik rubbed a hand across his brow, his body still tense.
“I was in Africa.” I stared at him and he leaned his head back against the headrest, staring straight ahead.
“What were you doing?”
His gaze slid toward me and he said nothing. My fingers twitched, and I wiped away the remaining tears that had fallen. He let out a sigh.
“Dealin’ with family shit.”
We grew silent again as the light turned green and he pressed on the gas.
What did that mean? His response prompted more questions and it still wasn’t enough but.…
But, he had answered me. Before, he’d probably have let me out, telling me to calm down before he spoke to me again. Now, he seemed to be willing to answer, although reluctantly. It hadn’t been a lot, but I could tell the signs when someone was trying. Erik was making sure I was getting good use of my psychology studies.
“Ok,” I said, and watched curiously as he relaxed slightly.
“But I’m still mad at you,” I added, and he snorted. His lips twitched.
“I know. You still got that temper, ma,” he said, and I shrugged.
“Only with you,” I muttered, and he laughed.
_____
“I’m going to ask you three questions,” I said, dipping my fries in ketchup, “and if you answer them, honestly, I’ll forgive you.”
Erik leaned back in his seat and eyed me. “So, you giving out orders now?”
We sat in a booth in the back of a diner which boasted to having the best burgers in the area. I had to admit they were pretty good.
I met his gaze, feeling the frustration building again. If anything, I was being generous. I had no problem giving someone a second chance, but they’d be on my terms. I wanted to test his resolve, see if him returning to my life was genuine and the best way would be to do something I knew he’d often avoid. He was going to answer these questions, or we were done.
He studied my expression, rubbing a hand across his jaw. He knew I was serious.
“Fine.”
Oh. That had been easier than I expected. I hesitated, realizing I hadn’t chosen my questions yet. Why had I only said three questions?
“I’ll ask five….”
“Nah. You get three,” he said, smirking when I pouted.
Shit. Ok. I had already asked where he’d gone, which had answered. It wasn’t specific, but I didn’t want to waste time on figuring it out. And he had said family business was why he was going. But to go for so long…
“You gonna ask or what?” he asked.
“Yeah, hang on,” I snapped, and he chuckled.
Ok. I knew one.
“Why did you stop answering me?”
It had been bothering the most, his complete dismissal when he’d stop responding to me when I reached out to him.
“I told you. I had shit to deal with,” he said casually and continued eating.
I frowned, unhappy with his answer.
“You could have told me. I would have understood,” I said, fiddling with my napkin.
He took another bite of his burger and said nothing.
“I would have listened,” I insisted.
“I know,” he said.
I blinked at that. I was starting to regret this. Every time he answered I just had more questions.
“Why did you come back?”
Erik took a sip of soda, before leaning back in his seat again. He regarded me for a moment and I began tearing my napkin into small pieces, trying not to let him bother me. His expression was closed but I could see the heat in his gaze as he continued staring at me.
“You.”
He said it simply with no elaboration. I stared at him, trying to read the look on his face. He met my gaze evenly and I let out a shaky breath. My napkin laid in pieces on the table and I didn’t have anything else to do with my hands. I tucked them into my lap.
“Why me? I obviously didn’t mean anything to you,” I said softly, and he frowned at the hurt in my tone.
“I ain’t never said all that,” he snapped, and I glared at him.
“But you just left and I thought we were cool…”
“Fuck, I know that, Shae,” he interrupted me, his fingers drumming an angry rhythm on the table. He turned his head, staring unseeing out the diner window.
I waited quietly, resolving not to let this go.
He came back for me?
Finally, Erik let out a breath and glanced at me.
“I had plans. You would have gotten in the way,” he said. A sudden wry smile crossed his lips as he studied me. “Thought about coming to get you though.”
I stared at him, my face heating. His last words had a familiar heat to them and I shifted in my seat. But he was teasing me again, giving me an honest answer without elaborating. Erik was clever and was playing this game well. Even as annoyed as I was, I was reminded by how much I liked Erik’s cleverness.
But I was still confused.
“What plans are you talking about?”
“You got your three, Shae.”
My eyes widened, my mind recounting the last few moments.
“No, I didn’t. That was two!”
He grinned at me.
“You asked ‘why me?’ That’s three.”
“That’s not fair! You didn’t answer that one!”
“Yeah?” he leaned forward, fingers tipping up my chin to make sure that I held his gaze. “You gotta a way of staying on a nigga’s mind without even trying, ma. Ain’t no way I was gonna forget about you.”
I tugged away, my heart pounding as I stared at him.
Damn him. He knew just what to say to make my heart race, no matter how much time had passed.
“You’re an ass,” I told him. I had never been afraid to call him out on his shit when he bugged me and I didn’t care that we hadn’t seen each other in a while.
He laughed.
“Ay, they were your rules, not mine, ma,” he said.
I held up to my end of the bargain and I gave him another shot.
I wasn’t naïve enough to forget who Erik really was, but I had learned that if I truly wanted to give someone a second chance, I had to give them room to try.
And to my surprise, Erik did. I had no idea what had happened while he was gone, but it wasn’t the attitude I was expecting when we started hanging out again. There was a still an edge to him, a fire that I had learned would never go out, but he seemed calmer somehow. More controlled. When he’d get pissed off his response wasn’t as quick, even though I could still see it in his eyes. They were the one thing I could read with Erik—I could tell a lot about how he was feeling just by looking into those dark eyes of his. His new behavior was slowly breaking down the boundaries I had rebuilt for myself. He spoke to me more, willingly answering more of the questions I had for him instead of avoiding them. They were small changes, and he still had his secrets, but he was giving me more to work with.
Like the time I had asked him how he had kept up with his studies since he had been gone and I found out that he graduated before he had left. I hadn’t realized he had been as far into his PhD as I thought when I met him.
“You didn’t tell me you graduated already!”
He saw the hurt look on my face and shook his head.
“Chill, Shae, it wasn’t a big deal.”
“Erik, you’re an MIT graduate. That’s a big fucking deal! Why didn’t you tell me? I could have been there!”
Or when I tried asking again about his family, still trying to guess what his “family business” had been and was surprised when he didn’t evade me. He told me that his father was from a country in Africa, but he hadn’t said where. He also told me that he died when he young though he didn’t say how. Always a riddle with him.
He did briefly mention his mother and I learned she had died as well. Erik’s behavior made more sense now. All that rage had to come from somewhere and Erik still had some deep wounds that still haunted him. I had guessed when I had first got to know him that his childhood was rough, but I had no idea the scale.
Even with all that trauma, I could see the shift in him since he returned, and I wondered if he had found something that was helping him heal. After this revelation, I stopped pushing him. I had learned that it was better to let people open up to you themselves by letting them let go at their own pace. No matter how impatient I was to learn more about Erik, I realized I wanted him to trust me. I wanted him to open up to me own his own.
____
Three months had passed and there were moments where I wondered if Erik wanted something more. More than just my friendship and maybe more than just wanting to sleep with me. I didn’t dare ask him about it again, but I think I had made it clear that I was still serious about being in a committed relationship. It was old school, but I had a right to determine what to do with my body and when I wanted to sleep with someone. I mean…I wasn’t saying I was tempted. Erik was still gorgeous and there had been a few times where he had shown up in a few very exciting dreams. I couldn’t look him in the eyes on those days and it had been even worse because he would just look at me as if he just knew why I couldn’t.
But even then, he didn’t push me, and I often found myself wondering what we were doing. He wasn’t my boyfriend and I hadn’t excepted him to change who he was seeing or stop hooking up with a girl that caught his fancy. I also didn’t except him to assume the same of me. Was he really satisfied with just being my friend?
There were a few times that this question repeated in my head.
The first time was when Erik met Troy for the first time. Troy had started working during my shifts while Erik was gone. He was chill and fun to chat with, though we never talked about anything of substance. He was a boyish cute—with hazel eyes, mocha skin and an easy smile. But there wasn’t the same level of attraction as I had with Erik.
No spark, as the cliché romance novels would say.
“What are you up to this weekend, Shae?” Troy asked, watching as I packed up for the day.
I tilted my head in thought.
“Not sure yet,” I sighed. “I’m so over this paper, it’s not even funny.”
He laughed.
“Yeah, I can tell. You need a break.” He nudged my knee with his hand, grinning. “You gonna watch the game tonight?”
I scrunched up my face in distaste.
“I’m not a fan of sports.”
“For real? Why not?”
I shrugged.
“Just never really got into them.”
I noticed Erik approaching and glanced at my phone. Crap, I’d miss his text that he was here.
“Hey,” I said, smiling apologetically when he reached me. “Sorry, I was just finishing up.”
“We good,” Erik said, but his eyes were on Troy. They flickered to the hand still on my knee and he gave Troy a hard look.
Troy had a habit of touching people when he talked, and I had learned quickly how often he crowded people’s spaces. He was pleasant enough and never tried anything, so I tried not to mind it too much.
I stood up and Troy’s hand fell away. I walked from behind the desk, shouldering my bag.
“Hey, man,” Troy said. Erik inclined his head to him, his hands in his pockets. He was wearing a long sleeved black shirt and dark jeans, his dreads braided back from his face. Troy was sizing him up and Erik seemed unbothered, standing in his usual confident stance.
Erik wasn’t exactly unfriendly, but his presence had a way of intimidating other people. He moved with confidence and could be charming when he wanted to be, but there was always something just below the surface that warned “don’t fuck with me.”
I had the distinct feeling that Troy was catching that vibe.
“Um… this is my friend, Erik. Erik, this is Troy. He started working here about…two months?”
“Three,” he teased, and I laughed.
“Right, three. Sorry, I swear time is going by quickly.”
“Nah, I’m just that much fun to hang around,” he said, tapping my arm lightly. Erik tensed beside me.
“You ready or what?” there was irritation in his voice and I glanced at him curiously.
What was his problem?
“Oh, yeah sorry. See ya, Troy,” I said.
“Hey, come by the bar tonight if you can. The new one on 45th.”
“Oh ok, I’ll see.”
I was surprised. Troy and I didn't’ hang out after work so his invitation had come out of nowhere. As we left, I noticed Troy giving Erik one last look before frowning. Erik ignored him.
When we got into the car, I turned to Erik as he switched on the radio.
“What’s your problem?”
“That nigga always touching you?” he retorted back, and I blinked in surprise.
No. No way. Erik couldn’t be jealous.
“He’s just friendly Erik.”
“Nah. That nigga is gunning for you.”
I shook my head in disbelief.
“No, he’s not. He’s like that with everyone, I swear. Why do you care anyway?”
Erik gave me an unreadable look that had me shifting in my seat.
“You see what you want to see, Shae. That shit’s annoying.”
I didn’t know how to answer that, so we drove the rest of the way in silence.
Erik had always been a face driver and I’d often wondered how he never got pulled over. If anything, he’d be on the top of the list—a black man riding an expensive car too fast? There should be sirens chasing us every time we got in the car.
I knew when he was pissed because he’d drive even faster than normal. We made it to my place in record time. I had thought about asking him if he wanted to catch some dinner, but I was beginning to think it’d be better to give him some space.
“I’ll see you,” I said, opening the car door. He nodded, still not looking at me. I studied his face, trying to catch a glimpse into his anger. I could tell he didn’t like Troy, but I just couldn’t find myself believing that it was because he was jealous. Erik didn’t like most people and I’d realized that for some reason, I was an exception. That meant a lot to me.
“I’m sorry,” I said, and he finally met my gaze.
“For what?”
I shrugged. I had no idea why I’d apologize, it had felt like the only thing to do at the moment. He rolled his eyes at me and shook his head.
“I’ll talk to you later?” I asked hesitantly.
“Yeah.”
Fiddling with my keys, I watched him drive away and found myself wondering if I had missed something important.
