Ok so with the result of the election determined, not just by electoral vote but also by national popular vote, I think folks need to take a step back, get off the internet, and breathe. I'm going to be off social media getting school and work done, but I'm also going to be thinking about something I was writing about in my journal yesterday.
It was a make-believe interview of if I were uber successful and someone was asking about my politics. And during that exercise, I laid out several points that were honestly what I wish someone had been emotionally mature enough to share with me.
It's okay to be friends with people of different beliefs. This includes religious, social, political, and even household beliefs. I'm LDS and I have friends who are non-denominational Christian, ex-mormon, pagan, atheist, agnostic, wiccan, and others. I'm a constitutionalist and I have friends who are liberal, conservative, socialist, green party, independent, and more. Our beliefs may be different, our values may be different but the people I know genuinely just want to make the world a better place. Just because we're different doesn't mean we can't be friends and work to make the world better for everyone. .
That said, Engaging with people with Civility and Respect especially when we disagree with them or they disagree with us is INCREDIBLY important for EVERY relationship you go into. Whether it's a romantic, platonic, or even work relationship, you HAVE to respect other people's beliefs and differences. Them being different is not an affront or attack on you and neither is you being different an affront or attack on them. You two are just different and different doesn't mean evil. How to do this is first, find calm and mindfulness to avoid, prevent or bring yourself back from being reactive during a disagreement. Being emotionally reactive means you aren't controlling your emotions you are reacting to them. Your entire body is in fight, flight, or freeze and the person you're talking to is now the "ENEMY". Your brain is telling you that you have to win, run, or shut down in order to survive because it's in panic mode. This is where people lash out, blame, name call, stonewall, shut down, avoid, and many other damaging behaviors. They engage in black and white thinking, catastrophising, and other damaging mental states. This causes further harm to them and the people around them, especially the ones the people who are disagreeing with them. So what needs to happen is we need to go from emotionally reactive (you don't manage your emotions drive and they drive your actions) to emotionally calm and proactive/intentional (you regulate your emotions and use your calm intentionality to drive your actions). This can be done through many exercises including various mindfulness techniques including deep breath meditation, the 10 sensory scavenger hunt (5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you feel, 2 things you smell, 1 thing you taste), and other things. Once you're able to slow down and calm both your brain and your nervous system down, you can navigate things much more easily and with more grace (for yourself and the other person) than you would have in a reactive state. [therapy in a nutshell 1] [Therapy in a nutshell 2] [Dr. David Hawkins] [Jimmy on relationships] IE: We need to be respectful and responsible for our emotions by regulating them and our decisions when engaging with people (especially friends) who don't always agree with us. .
Remember that what you vote for doesn't say something about you morally. It says something about the hurts and needs that you have as a person and as a community, and who you believe will best fill those needs. People who voted for Kamala have needs and hurts they feel she was addressing and would be able to fix. People who voted for Trump have hurts and needs that they feel he was addressing and would be able to fix. Who someone voted for in an election is determined by the needs and grievances they have or have had that were either addressed/rectified by the previous administration or ignored/caused by the previous administration. Remember that everyone is voting from a place of pain. Instead of trying to smear and exacerbate it, step back, take a deep breath, and utilize whatever mindfulness techniques you have in your repertoire, and come at things wanting to know and understand in order to defuse the conflict that comes from becoming reactive due to pain [Fighting criticism with curiosity]. Instead of thinking of people as inherently bad or harmful because of who or what they voted for, think about the people around you and what pain they were voting from. By recognizing, examining, and understanding another's pain, we can not only build empathy between us and another person, but we also make a space where we can be heard when we have pain as well. It opens communication so that everyone involved can be heard, have their pain addressed and validated, and start building a way forward towards healing together. This is incredibly important because the longer we ignore or invalidate one another's pain, the farther we pull away seeking another way to heal that hurt, and the further the divide grows. Disregarding someone's pain and fear is how you push people away and if you don't want tribalization, then we need to be willing to have the hard conversation of addressing each other's pain without invalidating the pain we both feel. We need to acknowledge any harm someone has done and accept responsibility for it, but also acknowledge if someone hasn't done you harm but who is being assigned it anyway. We finally need to respect each other's boundaries (also boundaries are you controlling what you do not what someone else does) and decide how we are going to work together in finding a new way forward. .
Remember that all mainstream news sources are controlled by 6 companies and that their politics will always reflect the politics of their owners. If all of the people on all of the networks you're watching are saying the same thing in the same way, then you're in an echo chamber and it's going to weaponize and tribalize you. You HAVE to reach out and watch things you disagree with or don't like when it comes to the news. Because even if it isn't for you, it's for someone. Someone is hurting in a way that these people resonate with and are bringing up in some way. Listen to them and instead of being offended by the surface-level presentation of the pundits, listen for the concerns and pains their audience is connecting with. Because nothing in politics, entertainment, or news can survive without connecting somehow to their audience. As you do this, use critical thinking and ask these things: - why are they doing this/why are they giving this message? - what is their message? - what is the fear/hurt/concern their message is there to reach and address? - What fear/hurt/concern is their message actually addressing? - Is their message solving or exacerbating the fear/hurt/concern? - If not, is it solving or exacerbating a different fear/hurt/concern? - What are they saying to do in response to this fear/hurt/concern? - Is it resolving the fear or exacerbating it? - How is it resolving or exacerbating this fear/hurt/concern? - What can I do to help resolve this fear/hurt/concern in my friends or myself? Note! This also counts for social media! If you are surrounded by an echo chamber (the people you follow/who follow you/you talk to) you will be consumed and tribalized by it! It has happened and happens every day on every platform on the internet! Be careful who you listen to and make sure you are getting all sides of the story and not just one side of the coin!
In conclusion, it really is a matter of be consciously calm, aware, and intentional during conflict and hard times. It's about seeing your pain and seeing others pain and where it is leading you. It's about communicating clearly, compassionately, and not assuming the worst in people. It's about being there for those who are hurt but making sure yours is addressed when you're hurt too. It's about being compassionate and being willing to move forward whatever comes.
