Use one or more of these in your next story/imagine
* I don’t go crazy, I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
* Are you crying? No my eyes are sweating.
* Good morning world. Your favorite sarcastic ray of sunshine is here.
*Sarcasm: the ability to insult idiots without them realizing.
* Twinkle twinkle little star. I wanna hit you with my car. Throw you off a cliff so high, hope you break your neck and die.
* There are 1,013,913 words in the English language but I could never string any of them together to explain just how much I want to hit you with a chair right now.
* Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous then absolutely boring.
* You’re a dollar store with regular pricing
* Would you like a table? No lamp for five please.
* Are you single? Ew no I’m album
* Shut up I wear heels bigger then your dick.
*Oh honey you’ve gone beyond muffin top, that’s a rusted can of biscuits.
* Are you made of sulfur, uranium, carbon, and kalium? Cause you suck.
* Are you nemo? Because you should get lost.
* Are you cold? No dumb ass I’m on vibrate mode.
* scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons, and electrons. They forgot morons.
* Don’t stand to close to the heater babe. Plastic melts.
* I’m not fat. My stomach is three dimensional
* If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ
* You must have been born on a highway. That’s where most accidents happen
* I just pretend to know what I’m talking about 150% of the time. If you can’t blow them away with your brilliance baffle them with your bullshit.
* Well aren’t you a psychedelic lollipop triple dipped in psycho.
The world won’t get serious about this unless a post goes viral and that’s sad af You rather talk about a vine video or popular culture ok that’s fine and all but there’s a cure for HIV/Aids and america is lying There is a cure for HIV/Aids and no one will spread the news for those who are diagnosed with it, so that THE WORLD COULD WAKE TF UP There is hope for those who have been diagnosed with a disease that may have given them 20 or so years to live For the first time in the history of the world there’s is a possible preventative cure for one of the most deadliest viral diseases
The problem with HIV is that this virus is extremely fast in evolving and that means it becomes resistant to a certain temporary cure in a brief time.
That said, if this man really found out a cure for this contemporary HIV version of the virus IT IS VITAL TO SPREAD IT NOW as the virus changes VERY QUICKLY
The bell above the door rang as it was pushed open, and although the combination of rich coffee and freshly baked sweets could be smelled from outside the café, it wasn’t until you had stepped foot inside that you were hit with the delicious aroma.
As the door closed behind you, your eyes dart around the café studying every possible inch. The world becoming colour in your eyes should have stopped being miraculous to you, yet every day that you opened your eyes and saw the various shades and depths of colour was another day that amazed you.
The barista’s behind the counter wore black button-down shirts and red aprons. They had matching black and red visors on their heads along with what looked like black hairnets keeping their hair safe from falling into coffee or food. Behind the barista’s was a menu etched in colour on a black chalkboard, the menu varied and separated by each different colour that represented a different menu option.
The coffee, plain and simple, was written in white. Teas and specialty iced teas were written in red chalk. Food was written in blue. Iced, blended drinks were written in green.
The whole aesthetic of the café appeared to be farmhouse chic, which was odd for a coffeehouse in Manhattan, yet it was cozy and comfortable. It transported you from the bustling district in New York City to a small town where everyone knew everyone.
“Hi! Can I get anything started for you?” the barista behind the counter greet you when you shuffled closer, studying the menu with indecision.
“If you’re having a hard time deciding, the Mano dragonfruit refresher is to die for!” Her extra perky smile seemed forced like if she didn’t appear this jovial she would be reprimanded or even written up.
“Sure.” You agreed without knowing what a refresher even was. “Your largest size.”
“Great!” She smiled again and punched it into the register. “And your name?”
“Y/N.” You answered almost too quickly, hoping to get your drink and find a place before Steve and Bucky arrived.
“Awesome! Your drink will be down at the end!” Her perkiness wasn’t solely saved for you, as she greet the next person with the same, bright smile.
After you moved down to the end of the counter on the right, you used your time of waiting for further study the café and the patrons inside. The various array of colours that were skewered throughout the building was refreshing. Even if the development of your coloured vision eventually meant the end of your relationship with Peter, it was nice. You always knew the world would be captivating in full colour, but living in colour was more than you expected or hoped for.
It was a disparity that you were living in, a contrast between how you felt about Peter and your relationship and how you felt about seeing the magnificence of the world in the full spectrum of pigmentation.
“Refresher for Y/N!” your drink was set down and as you reached for it, the barista flashed you a smile. “Have a good day!”
You stared at the drink for a moment, analyzing the deep link colour that bordered on magenta, with clumps of berries in the liquid that sloshed against the clear cup. The straw that was pushed into the drink was green, almost a dark line green, that matched some of the accent colours in the café.
You thanked the barista and gurney, briefly making eye contact with Steve and Bucky before you turned and sat in a booth near the back of the café.
You set your drink down on the table and shuffled into the booth, pressing your back against the wall and angling yourself. You gave yourself the ability to watch the people who had come and left, and the colours of their drinks if they had clear cups.
But more importantly, you gave yourself the ability to see Steve and Bucky.
As was his apparent staple, Steve wore a black leather jacket with white trim stretching across the shoulders. He wore a dark blue shirt underneath with a v neckline and a loose fit that wasn’t as tight as the shirt he wore when you first met him. His hair was styled slicked back, his beard well-trimmed and taken care of. He didn't seem any different than any regular man, save for the fact that Steve Rogers was bonafide gorgeous.
And so was Bucky.
His dark brown hair had grown out again since the last time you saw him a few weeks ago and was now hanging by his chin. He too had a beard, and while it was as neatly trimmed as Steve’s, it wasn’t as thick. Like Steve, Bucky had stuck to the staples of his wardrobe with the red henley he worse and the dark blue, bordering on black, jeans.
You watched as they ordered their drinks and stood near the end of the counter waiting as you had. Only as they were waiting, they were standing close together and whispering amongst themselves.
Seeing them together made you envious of the connection they had. The way they looked at each other, or the way they seemed in each other’s presence was natural and ethereal and it seemed so effortless.
You on the other hand were struggling to keep your relationship of one year afloat while feeling like you and the year spent with Peter was floundering beneath a shipwreck that was leaking oil and on fire.
Were you going to exhaust yourself trying to keep the relationship alive? Were you going to suffer more by putting time and effort into something that was already over?
“Hey, doll,” Bucky took the spot beside you, his arm in that red henley that looked so good on him brushing against your own.
“Hi, Bucky.” You reached for your refresher and slid it back toward you, sipping on the cool and fruity drink. You wait for the cool liquid to go down your throat before you pushed it to your left.
“How are you doing?” Steve sat across from you, setting his paper cup down and shifting in a way that caused his knees to brush against yours briefly.
“Honestly,” you sighed and chewed the inside of your cheek, feeling overwhelmed by the seeming screeching halt your relationship has come to, “I’ve been better.”
“You wanna talk about it?” Steve asked, lifting his cup to his lips but not taking a sip yet.
“Are you sure you wanna hear this? About my relationship with Peter?” you first glanced at Steve then Bucky.
They were giving you the entirety of their attention span. They were listening to you and keeping their eyes on you while you talked. They weren’t pushing you to talk or forcing you to open up about your boyfriend who was not one of your soulmates.
“It’d better than bottling it up.” Steve reached out and squeezed your hand.
“You don’t have to tell us anything you don’t want to. Why don’t you just start with something small?”
Bucky suggested, angling his body toward you.
You felt irrevocably safe with them, and you hardly knew anything about them. It appeared that even just being in their presence was enough to ease you and soothe you. Just being around them felt naturally ethereal and delightful, like you were all puzzle pieces fitting together to create a full and bright picture.
“How was the date after you fixed Stevie up?” Bucky asked first, easing you into the topic of your relationship with a fairly easy transition.
“It was…awkward.” You looked away from them and focused your attention out the window, watching passing cars and people with no real intent behind your stare. “I feel like I’m losing my relationship and the harder I try and clutch at it, the quicker it slips away.”
It was true, you felt as though there was a gorge between you and Peter. When he found out that you had seen Bucky and Steve in the hospital a mere half-hour before you met up with him, he accused you of flirting. He accused you of letting them hit on you.
It opened your eyes to the possibility that Peter was as uneased as you. Or maybe Peter was purposefully trying to create a rift to make it easier on the both of you.
“Do you feel like you’re making the right decision? Holding onto a relationship that won’t last?” Bucky nudged his knee against your own without meaning to, the action jerking you from your mid-daze.
“Honestly, I feel like I’m trying to put a bandaid over a bullet hole or like I’m dropping a cork into a volcano waiting for it to erupt. Ya know?” You sighed and ran your fingers over the water line on the table that was left behind from your drink.
“What else is bothering you,” Steve stroked your knuckles with his thumb.
“Peter can see colour too.” Your frown deepened as your eyebrows furrowed. “He didn’t even tell me. I caught him. He slipped, he…”
You shook your head. There were so many tumultuous factors about your relationship with Peter and it was all just piling on.
“And we never even had pet names for each other. I mean that’s a staple!”
“The kid never called you ‘sweetheart’ or ‘doll’ or ‘love’ ‘darling?” Bucky glanced at Steve before he cast his eyes back to you.
“No,” you shift in your seat, “Peter didn’t want to give nicknames or pet names. He said it’d be better in the long run if we didn’t use them.”
“Do you want one?” Steve reached out and grabbed your other hand, holding and stroking both.
“As friends,” Bucky added, “it could carry over whenever a relationship forms.”
Butterflies burst in your belly.
Your heartbeat skipped and you were hit with this enduring warmth.
“Okay,” you nod eagerly, a smile replacing the frown, “yeah I’d like one.”
Bucky hummed and tapped the table. You moved your attention from Steve to Bucky, from blue-green eyes to solid blue, one handsome face to another.
They were both so beautiful, so breathtaking.
“Back in the 40’s we’d call our dates ‘dames’, ‘dolls’, ‘sweetheart’ ‘darling’, but you…” Steve tilt his head and looked you up and down.
“You look like a ‘baby girl,” Steve spoke the pet name and your body burst with heat. He spoke the pet name and warmth rushed through you from the tip of your toes to the top of your head.
“Baby girl, ” you smiled at the pet name, letting it sit on your tongue, “I like it. Baby girl.”
“It suits you.” Bucky brushed his knee against yours again. “You’re beautiful, Y/N. The world wasn’t entirely black and white before we met you, but having the burst of colour when our eyes met has been the best thing to happen as of late.”
“Thank you for listening to me, ” you glanced at them both, “you’re good friends.”
“That’s all we’ll be, baby girl, ” Steve confirmed, easing the part of you that was still clinging to Peter, “until you’re ready for more. We’ll be your friends and give you any support that we can.”
“You can talk to us whenever you want,” Bucky added to Steve’s sentiment.
They were offering themselves as friends until you figured out what you wanted to do about Peter. They would be your friends, they would be there for support so you could vent or scream or cry.
Whatever you needed.
“Thank you, ” your smile met your eyes for the first time in a long time, “I’ll take you up on that offer. Might drive you crazy.”
“Not if we drive you crazy first,” Steve smirked and winked, “baby girl.”
It was nearly another month before you saw or interacted with Steve or Bucky. You’d spent the last few weeks getting into a routine on the medical floor and taking all the knowledge and training you’d picked up on in school and translating that into the hands-on work in Stark Tower.
Since the revelation that Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes were your soulmates, you had done everything you could to avoid talking about the subject and the two conspirators that caused you to see colour in the first place.
Of course, trying to avoid Steve and Bucky was easy enough when they were busy on missions or training the recruits, and if they weren’t doing either then they were running simulations.
The only probable way for you to run into them and not have a steady hand on the chances was either a run-in by the elevator or seeing them as patients in the medical wing.
While you were avoiding Steve and Bucky, you had spent a great deal of time with Peter. You’d tried to avoid causing any wider rift between you since the beginning of it was already damaging and acidic enough. You loved Peter, you wanted to be with Peter however it seemed as if you had already lost him.
Everything you did at this point felt like putting a bandaid on a cracked foundation.
Including dinner dates like the one, you were supposed to be going on after your shift.
“Y/N, ” the charge nurse stopped you just 15 minutes before you were supposed to clock out, “can you please assist one last patient before you leave? We just had an entire group of recruits come in for burns and deep abrasions and another patient is waiting with the minor abrasive wound.”
You glanced toward the clock, knowing full well that a simple abrasion could lead to more problems. You knew full well that one simple cut could be something more complicated and take longer than 15 minutes, but you couldn’t turn her down.
“Of course, ” you reached for the chart, “who is it?”
The charge nurse already looked exasperated but when you took the tablet from her, there was momentary relief that flashed on her face. That small task was enough to remove some weight from her shoulders, and given the number of recruits that were about to come to the floor, this was the least that you could do.
“Bed 5,” she called over her shoulder, “thank you so much!”
You waved your hand and tucked the tablet under your arm as you moved toward a white metal supply cart. You reached for a pair of blue medical gloves and pulled them on your hands, adjusting the fit on your fingers before you continued on your path toward the 5th bed bay on the left side with the tablet back in your hands.
You pulled back the curtain and stepped inside, your attention on the chart displayed on the tablet. You read the reason for being there, the word ‘abrasion’ and ‘bleeding at sight of injury’ twice over. You knew you would need antiseptic and bandages as well as liquid stitches depending on the injury, which was all in the supply cart at each bed.
“Hi, I'm Y/N I’ll be your nurse today.” You raised your hand and almost dropped the tablet, the portable chart nearly slipping from your grasp at the sight of who was in your care. “What happened to you?”
Steve was the patient, with a strip of cloth pressed tightly against the cut in his forehead, the drying blood staining the cloth used in an attempt to stop the bleeding. When he shifted on the bed, you could see small drops of blood on his shoes that had long since dried as well as some blood staining the SHIELD symbol on his black compression shirt.
“Steve’s a cut on his head,” Bucky spoke from the only other chair in the small bay, one leg crossed over the other and his metal hand resting on top of his knee.
Like Steve, he was wearing a black compression shirt with the same symbol on the left above his pectoral. Now that you could see colours, you were slowly differentiating between the vast shades of one colour that brought such beauty to the works. Bucky’s eyes were blue, but they were light blue and crystalline, they reminded you of the pristine river and lake waters from the mountains. They were so clean and clear, so pristine.
Steve’s eyes were blue, like Bucky’s, however, Steve’s eyes had flecks of green in them. His blue-green eyes were as captivating as Bucky’s, just in a different way.
“Yeah, I gathered.” You quipped, moving away from the bed toward the supply cart. “How did it happen?”
You reached for one of the drawer handles and pulled, small antiseptic packages sitting inside. You grabbed two as well as a small roll of bandages and medical tape, and when you had all your supplies, you closed the drawer again.
“We were training the recruits, ” Steve pulled the cloth away from his cut and placed it beside him on the bed.
“And I’m guessing it didn’t go well?” you grabbed the single wrapped antiseptic wipe and shook it a few times out of habit before you ripped the top off and pulled the wipe out of the package. You unfolded the antiseptic wipe and stepped closer to the bed and closer to Steve.
“It may sting.” You gave him a warning before you reached out and started wiping the antiseptic wipe against his cut, trying your damnedest not to laugh when he hissed under his breath and winced.
“Who knew the great Captain America could be brought down by a disinfecting wipe?” you joked, discarding the wipe in the garbage before you waved your hand in front of the cut to dry it.
“He’s also afraid of needles.” Bucky piped up from his chair in the corner, joining in on the teasing.
“Needles?” you grinned. “Steve Rogers is afraid of needles?”
He had gripped the edge of the bed with both hands, his blue-green eyes were studying you while you prepared the liquid stitches. His attention on you was making your hands shake ever so slightly, given how much time and effort you had tried to put into avoiding the pair of them.
It just felt…natural. It felt instinctual to be near them and that was a direct conflict with what you were trying to save, with Peter.
“Don’t tell anyone,” Steve watched you carefully as you produced a small brush coated with the liquid stitch. “I have a reputation to uphold.”
“Of course, ” you nod your head and smirked, “it would damaging for the world to know that Captain America’s fear is sterilized medical-grade needles.”
“Little bit.” His added comment pulled a laugh from you, something small and quiet but lighthearted nonetheless.
“I’m done adding the liquid stitches.” You stepped back to the bedside rolling tray and grabbed a packaged sterilized bandage. “You need to keep this on for about a day and then it can be removed.”
When you stepped back to him, you had the bandage in one hand and the crumpled package in the other. You threw the package toward the garbage and then you pressed the bandage against his wound, reaching into your left scrub pocket to grab the medical tape.
“I have to ask,” you ripped a piece of medical tape off and placed it on the left side of the bandage to hold it in place, before securing the other side, “how did the great captain America injure himself?”
You pressed the tape into his forehead as gently as possible, smoothing it down and using that as an excuse to hear the story.
“Couple of new recruits thought it’d be funny to steal one of Stark’s new inventions and bring it to the session.” Steve shift on the bed, brushing his hand against your elbow as he moved. “Caused an explosion and some of the shrapnel got me in the head.”
“They essentially stole a grenade and set it off as a joke?” you shift your weight from foot to foot. “Real intelligent agents you have.”
You rolled your eyes and started the process of putting away the equipment you’d used. As you closed the third drawer and moved back to grab the tablet to complete the chart, your attention was drawn to the bed where Steve had now stood from.
“Am I going to live?”
“You’ll survive relatively unscathed. Although I think I’d keep my distance from arrogant recruits with grenades, ” you smiled again, “as a rule of thumb.”
“You’ll live to see another fight, ” Bucky clapped Steve on the shoulder, “how many different nurses have patched you up in the day?”
“None this pretty, ” Steve shot a look your way, which had given you pause as you were finishing up his chart.
“I have to agree, pal.”
“Y/N, ” the charge nurse popped her head into the room, “Peter’s waiting for you. Want me to finish the chart?”
The announcement that Peter was here and waiting for you, had introduced an air of uncomfortable awkwardness that made you want to tuck tail and run. The announcement that your boyfriend who was not your soulmate was here to take you to dinner, while your two soulmates were in front of you, had you very conflicted. You were conflicted between the ease of flirtations that seemed so natural with Steve and Bucky, and the year you’d spent loving Peter Parker.
“It’s okay,” Steve spoke the answer to the question you didn’t want to ask, “you don’t want to keep him waiting.”
“You should go,” Bucky spoke after, reassuring you, “we’ll catch up later.”
“Y/N?” she called, “do you want me to finish the chart?”
You swallowed and dove further inside yourself for a brief moment. You set the tablet back on the table and stepped away, still half in a daze.
“Yeah,” you finally mumble, “yeah I’m almost done. I’ll go… I’ll go end my shift.”
You turned on your heel and moved from the bed bay, stealing a glance back at the two super soldiers before you ultimately left the area.
•your anxiety has made it difficult for you to voice your opinion
•your anxiety has made it difficult to dress the way you want
•your anxiety has made it difficult to ask for help
•your anxiety has made you constantly worry if you are being annoying and wonder if your friends and family are valid relationships or if they just put up with you because they have to
And please know that you are not fighting this battle alone. You are worth more than your anxiety says. You matter and so does your opinion and your say.
You are awesome
1. Razors are a pain in the ass to get out.
2. Don’t ever let something get to the point where you can’t control it.
3. Shaving will never be the same.
3. Cuts hurt way longer than just when you’re in the shower.
4. Sleeves move around, and they won’t always be covered.
5. The fabric from your jeans will make your skin feel like it’s burning alive.
6. One cut will never be enough.
7. Every line, mark, scrape you see turns into a trigger.
8. Blood smells really, really gross.
9. The scars will constantly remind you, even on the good days.
10. You’re not sure why it feels good, it just does.
11. ^^ Sometimes it doesn’t feel good at all and it will make you cry.
12. You’ll start to see yourself as disgusting.
13. Sometimes the blood won’t stop and you swear it’s your last time, but it never will be.
14. Bandaids, Neosporin, and razors cost a lot of money.
15. Sex becomes very awkward with the lights on.
16. Cuts itch.
17. Then people ask why you’re itching.
18. You’re too hot to wear that hoodie? Too bad.
19. You’ll throw away your razors and the next day feel like a psycho when you’re digging through the trash.
20. No matter how many excuses you make up for doing it that day, none of them will be valid. Ever.
21. People will think you do it for attention, so you’ll start to believe them.
22. You’ll want to stop, you just won’t know how.
23. It will tear your heart out when your best friend does it once.
24. Some places feel better to cut than others.
25. Skin doesn’t always grow back the way you want.
26. You’ll feel like a charity case.
27. Some people will treat you like you are one, too.
28. You’ll start to think more about your back up plan for if you start to bleed out rather than college.
29. You’ll get angry if you forgot your razors.
30. Your mom’s going to cry really hard when she finally sees them.
for real though. i try to keep things lighthearted here, but NEVER start cutting or hurting yourself in any way. it fucks up how you see so many things and makes you think of how else they can be used, so please, PLEASE talk to someone instead. if needed, I’ll be happy to listen and list alternatives.
FYI, these scars last. They’re not just there when you’re 14 and want to die. They last even after you’re clean for a while. They’re there when you’re 16 and your mom is teaching you to drive and she looks over to check if your hands are on 10 and 2 and she sees your arm and chokes up. They’re there at 17 at your senior prom when you’re wearing your strapless dress and your date tries to put on your corsage. They’re there at 18 when you’re donating blood and the nurse asks to see your arms to check for yout veins. And they’re still their at 19 when you haven’t cut in quite a while and you’re at your job putting sauces back on the table and a customer asks “what’s that on your arm”. You think they’re referring to your tattoos. They’re not.
Instead of cutting when you feel the urge to self harm hold ice cubes in your hand till they melt it can trick the mind into giving you the same relief as cutting does
Summary: You’ve always been careful with your heart. With your condition, you don’t exactly have any other choice. The last time you let someone in, you paid the price. A price you don’t plan on paying again. Until Bucky comes in and shatters your carefully crafted world.
Warnings: Angst, Language, Minor Fluff
Word Count: 1.2K
A/n: Grande finale! Oof plz don’t kill me but it’s so cute I loved writing this series so much and low-key I’m sad it’s over but it was so fun to write. If y’all have any ideas for anything you want me to write in the future, send em my way!
Series Masterlist
~*~
The wind is crisp, biting at the exposed skin of his face, his fingers.
He doesn’t mind too much though.
The sky is gloomy, like it might rain later in the day. The clouds are a deep grey colour and there’s sorrow on the wind. He can’t help but feel like it’s fitting.
“I uh, I’m not sure what to say, I guess. Bonnie said it would be good to come swing by for a little while but uh I’m not sure if she was right.” His voice is shaky and he closes his eyes, hating the silence that meets him.
Summary: You’ve always been careful with your heart. With your condition, you don’t exactly have any other choice. The last time you let someone in, you paid the price. A price you don’t plan on paying again. Until Bucky comes in and shatters your carefully crafted world.
Warnings: Language, Fluff, Almost Smut
Word Count: 2.3K
A/n: hello I hope you all enjoy this!! I’m loving this series and I hope to keep updating it and Of Kings and Beasts regularly. Idk though. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!
PART ONE
PART TWO
PART THREE
~*~
“You’re sure I look good?”
Nat groans and climbs off your couch reluctantly, grabbing you by the shoulders and stopping you from pacing anymore.
“You look gorgeous.” You bite your bottom lip nervously, hands itching to come up to your mouth.
Your hair is pushed behind your ears, natural and beautiful, and your makeup is light. Adorning your body is a simple light blue dress that stops just above your knees, as well as a beige cardigan that hangs loosely off of your shoulders.
Nat grabs you a pair of beige heels and shoves them into your hands.
“Put your shoes on and stop worrying. He’s on his way up so even if you didn’t look good there’s no time to change now.” You nod, taking a few deep breaths before crouching down and putting your shoes on. Right as you’re doing up the clasp around your ankle there’s a knock on your door.
You freeze in place, looking at Natasha in absolute terror, and she rolls her eyes.
“It’s open!” She calls. You shake your head, one shoe on and the other off as you run to your bedroom.
“I can’t,” you whisper as the door starts to open. Hiding away in your bedroom, you listen to Nat greet Bucky.
“She’s almost ready. Just needs to grow a pair,” The redhead says loudly, her footsteps clomping towards the bedroom door.
She whips it open, ready to give you an earful, but when she sees the genuine fear on your face she reconsiders.
“Beans, you’re gonna be okay. He’s a real gentleman and he won’t do anything that you don’t want to do, I promise.” You take a few deep breaths, trying to hold back tears.
“What if I get hurt again, Nat? I don’t think I could handle it.” The weak whimper that leaves you has her heart shattering in her chest.
Summary: You’ve always been careful with your heart. With your condition, you don’t exactly have any other choice. The last time you let someone in, you paid the price. A price you don’t plan on paying again. Until Bucky comes in and shatters your carefully crafted world.
Warnings: Language, Angst, Fluff
Word Count: 3.2K
A/n: I’m about to eat an edible and have a fuckin good night. I don’t have work for the next two days (as of right now). I’m just gonna watch some YouTube… might have some ‘me time’ and just kinda vibe. I love you all very much!! The next ficmas fic is a fluffy one shot!!
PART ONE
PART TWO
~*~
“So you’re sure I look okay?” You ask, heart beating uncomfortably fast in your chest.
“Yes! You look absolutely amazing, beans. Bucky’s gonna love it.” you take a deep breath then nod, rooting through your purse for your makeup bag before getting frustrated and dumping the contents of it on the counter.
“Calm down. Deep breaths with me, (Y/n). You’ll be okay. I promise.” You nod, taking a few deep breaths with her and calming down a bit. “You’re right,” you whisper, grabbing your makeup bag and your phone and heading into the bathroom to finish getting ready.
Nat talks you through some new makeup techniques from over the video call, smiling at the final product, and you can’t help but laugh.
“I’m on call tonight but if you need anything, call me and I’ll help you. No matter what.” You nod, smiling at her.
“Alright. It’s almost six, he should be here soon. I’ll call you when I get back and I’ll give you all the details.” Natasha nods and gives you a look, silently telling you that there will be consequences if you leave any details out.
“Okay, bye. Love you.”
“Love you too, beans.” You end the call and take some deep breaths, turning the cold water on and running your hands under it in an attempt at calming yourself down further.
Summary: You’ve always been careful with your heart. With your condition, you don’t exactly have any other choice. The last time you let someone in, you paid the price. A price you don’t plan on paying again. Until Bucky comes in and shatters your carefully crafted world.
Warnings: Language, Fluff, Fluff, Minor Angst, Fluff
Word Count: 2.7K
A/n: So I was really close to not posting a ficmas fic today because I am fucking EXHAUSTED but here is the second instalment to this cute lil mini series!!!! Things are heating up! I hope everyone’s having a fantastic night and I love you all!
PART ONE
~*~
“Really Gladys? You couldn’t like the cereal at the bottom of the shelf? You had to pick the cereal that they keep at the top? The one that no one buys? Was that really necessary?” You curse your neighbour softly, hating her for being so specific about the groceries she wants.
She’d heard you leaving your apartment and had immediately shoved a grocery list into your hand when she found out that’s where you were going.
You glare at the box of cereal, trying to work up the energy to jump for it when a gloved hand grabs the box right next to it.
You whip around, staring up at the person for a moment as your brain tries to recognize them.
“(Y/n). Hi!” You smile tightly up at him.
“Hello, James.” He looks up at where you were looking then grins. “Want me to grab that for you?” You nod, not having the energy to deny his help.
“Gladys is very specific about the cereal she likes.” He chuckles and hands you the box.
“Yeah, she seems like a handful. Gave us all an earful as soon as she was out of the building. Yellin’ at us and using words that’d shock a sailor.” You groan, shaking your head while a smile spreads on your face.
“I can only imagine what she was saying. She’s a handful for sure, but she means well. I mean, she’s been there for me so many times, it’s only fair I grab cereal for her when she needs it.” James nods, taking you in.
You’re wearing a pair of black leggings and an oversized hoodie that clearly belongs to a man. He feels his heart hurt a bit at that fact and plasters on a smile.
“Well, I’d better let you get going. Gladys doesn’t seem like the patient type.” You shake your head, slightly surprised at his change in demeanour. “She really isn’t. Thank you again, James.” He nods and heads down the aisle to grab the rest of his groceries.
Your eyes follow him, and you can’t help but feel a little disappointed when he doesn’t look back.
Summary: You’ve always been careful with your heart. With your condition, you don’t exactly have any other choice. The last time you let someone in, you paid the price. A price you don’t plan on paying again. Until Bucky comes in and shatters your carefully crafted world.
Warnings: Language, Kind of slow burn, Description of heart condition, children, mentions of death
Word Count: 2.7K
A/n: On the second day of ficmas lex will give to you: A fluffy fireman AU! Lol but in all seriousness I’ve had this idea in my head for a while now and I’m so glad I’m finally getting it written. This will be a mini series that may or may not be part of ficmas, I haven’t full decided yet. But anyway, I hope you enjoy!
~*~
When listing your worst fears, fire isn’t at the top of the list. Hell, it’s not even in the top five. Sure, fire is scary, but not as scary as the dark or spiders or heights.
Of course, it’s hard to rank your fears without having knowledge of what it’s like to be in a situation with them in the first place.
“C’mon Gladys! We need to go!” She hobbles down the stairs as fast as her little legs can carry her, looking back every now and then to make sure you’re still behind her. “You need to calm down. That heart of yours doesn’t need the strain.” You roll your eyes but you know she’s right.
Your heart thunders in your ears. You can hear it. Every single beat roaring louder than the last. It makes your chest ache and your head spin. But your pills are all the way in your apartment. All the way back up the stairs. All the way where the smoke is.
You let out a choked cough, your right hand coming up to grab at your chest where your heart is beating away at your ribs.
“Almost there, sweet thing. Maybe they’ll have those handsome firefighters again. You know, the ones from the calendar?” You nod, trying to take deep breaths and focus on what she’s saying, but it’s so very difficult.
You stumble for a moment, legs trembling before finally giving out, sending you falling to the floor in a heap.
“Go, Gladys,” you rasp, trying desperately to suck in a deep enough breath. She continues down the stairs and you let your eyes flutter closed, ears starting to ring.
So just a remind I don’t own any of marvel or the characters *sob* hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it and as always feedback no matter what kind is welcomed!
Warning: some swear words and hopefully feels in this chapter.
******begin*****
“You see..,” she paused and looked over at him. “Oh I’m Maddox.” He said holding out his hand. She looked down at it in confusion. Reid snickered while Riley and Jonah smiled. Maddox pulled his hand back his face flushing in embarrassment . “Sorry we probably should have warned you, she’s still new to the whole meeting people thing.” Riley said. “Who you kidding Riley? She’s still new to the whole ‘new’ thing period. You should have seen it when she saw the outside for the first time.” Reid said. “Reid!” Jonah and Riley snapped. “Stop it; you’re not helping.” Jonah growled. Reid rolled his eyes exaggeratingly in Mn.0495f’s direction making a face. She giggled as Riley smacked him on the back of his head. “Go do the dishes or something Reid. Make yourself useful.” He said. “Yes mother.” Reid said making a pouty face. Everyone laughed as he grabbed the dishes and went into the kitchen, cutting the tension in the room.
“Thank you Maddox. As I was about to explain, the number in my name means that I was the 495th in a long line of experiments. To my knowledge only I and one other survived out of over about seven hundred of us. The last one was MN.0691f . She died in my arms about a month before I helped your brothers escape. The serum that they had given her back fired causing her to burn up from the inside out. All that I could do was try to ease her pain as she died. She was only ten. Do you have any idea what that felt like? They took everything from except two things..my one brother that I’m sure is safe and the one I’m not.“ “What do you mean? How can you know that?” Maddox asked. “Know what?” “Whether they’re in danger or not?” “Oh its just something all of us can do, you know like a baseline ability thing. The strange thing is the one that’s here in this area I can’t sense all that clearly.” She said with a frown. “What can you sense? Maybe that can help narrow down the list we have to work with.” Maddox said. “All that I can say is that I’m pretty sure he’s a male and judging by how weak the connection is he’s not my full brother.” “What else can you sense from him?” Maddox asked fascinated. “Things like strong emotions or whether he’s in danger. Not like ‘he’s going to get a paper cut’ danger. More like ‘watch out there’s an assassin behind you.’ You know he kinda flirts with that type of danger alot, come to think about it.” She said her eyes closed as she concentrated.
Maddox sat back on the couch, closing his eyes to think. After about a minute of that he opened his eyes and grinned. “Alright I’m in!” He said. “NO!“ Riley and Jonah said. Reid popped his head around the corner, “Absolutely not young man. You have school in the morning.” He said in a mock angry voice before ducking as Jonah threw a shoe at him.
“Why not? I can help!?” Maddox said upset. “I’m sorry Maddox it’s too dangerous. You’re not strong enough to face this kind of trouble.” Riley said putting a comforting hand on Maddox ’ s shoulder. He shrugged it off. “So what, I’m supposed to sit here at home. Alone. Again! The last time I stayed home while you all went off, you three disappeared for four years! I had to bury three caskets filled with what I thought was my brothers and lie to my mother for years about where you were. Why she never saw you. I’m the one who held her hand when she died, arranged the funeral, took care of everything. And now that you’re back you want me to just step aside like last time!? You know what? Fuck you guys!” He screamed. Reid, Riley, and Jonah all stood in front of him heads down while he screamed as gale force winds picked up around him. Suddenly Maddox looked down at the girl that had wrapped her arms around him comfortingly. Jonah stepped forward his hands in front of him in a pleading manner. “No Maddie. That’s not what we meant. We’re just terrified of losing you too.”
“We were hoping you could protect her while we were doing what needs to be done.” Riley added quietly. Reid stepped forward his normally bright green eyes dark and glistening with tears. “We’ve been through hell wondering what was going on with you and mom. We were beaten, tortured, experimented on. All we had to keep us sane was thinking of you. We can’t lose you too. You’re all we have left.” He said as one tear rolled down his cheek. Slowly the winds began to die down as Maddox gulped down deep sob like breathes. In a moment the brothers were hugging each other while Mn.0495f stayed quietly in the background and waited.
After a little while they let go and stepped back. “Maddox we were kinda hoping you would help her.” Riley said. “You’re the only one we trust to keep her safe if this goes south for us.” Jonah added. “Allright I can do that. I’m sorry. I just…” Maddox said tiredly as he slid his hand down his face. “Let’s hold this discussion in more depth later. It’s nearly dawn and I don’t know about you Maddox but we haven’t slept in a few days and you need to go buy more groceries.” Reid said in an attempt to lighten the mood. Mn.0495f piped up. “Go ahead and get some sleep. I’ll keep watch this time.” Maddox looked over at her. “Keep watch? What can you do? I thought they had to protect you?” He asked confused. The other three laughed tiredly as they moved to go to the back rooms to sleep on whatever flat surface they could find. “You would be surprised at what she can do.” Riley said. “Yeah ain’t that the truth.” Reid quipped. Jonah looked over at her and said “You’ll need to change into something a little less conspicuous. A dog or a cat maybe?“ He said before stepped into his old room. Maddox ’ s mouth dropped open as he quickly turned around towards where once a girl had been standing. Instead he saw a medium sized dog of mixed heritage looking up at him with soulfull eyes sitting by the side of the couch. Her head tilted up at him in a questioning manner. “Holy shit.” Maddox said dropping back down to the couch. He looked up in surprise as the dog jumped up beside him on the couch. He sighed. “I’m just going to rest my eyes for a minute k? Let me know if some one comes to the door.” He opened his eyes again for a moment when he felt a blanket being pulled over him. He watched as she took up a position in front of the door and let out a sigh.
********end chapter three****
Wow that one was longer than I thought. Hoped you all liked. The next one should be out by tomorrow after noon.
Your world bursting into colours vibrant and breathtaking had ironically cast a shadow over your personal life. The shift from vision of black and white to coloured freedom, had created a reactive shift in your relationship with Peter that you hadn’t been prepared for.
“Colours,” Peter mumbled into his cup of coffee, “what is it like?”
The tension between you two was still at a minimum, yet the fact that you’d found your soulmates had created this light fog that just sat over your heads, hovering low enough to be noticeable yet high enough not to be touched.
“Peter-“
“I know you can see colours. I knew the moment it happened.” He mumbled again, staring at the crack in the table you’d bought together.
“It doesn’t change how I feel about you.” You moved around the table to his side, wrapping your arm around his back while your other hand rest on his left shoulder. “I love you, Peter.”
Your contact with his body had physically drew the tension from him, although that is where the ease stopped. Despite his shoulders and body being ridden of tension in his shoulders and his chest, his emotional apprehension was on the rise. It was hard to miss, almost impossible not to feel the chill exuding from Peter as the pair of you tried to grapple with the shaken pillars of your relationship.
How did you move past this? How did you return to a place before you saw colours and before you found out that two of the avengers were your soulmates? Were your heads in the clouds and your hearts in naivety?
Could there even be a place to come back to? Could the relationship pan out even with the recent event of meeting your soulmates hanging above your head?
“I love you too.” He turned his head and spoke into your hand on his shoulder. He pressed his lips into your palm after you’d opened your hand, giving you the smallest glimmer of affection that was more than enough for the moment. “We’ll make this work.”
The sentiment of the message was sweet and hopeful, yet it felt empty. It felt as if you were going to just be biding time until inevitable set in and broke you apart.
“Of course we will.” Your tight lipped smile and forced positivity had only added to the overcast sense of grim outcomes. “Did you want to go to Stark Tower together?”
The question felt like a buffer, a monotonous event that would bring anymore awkwardness to the already complicated situation. It was an offer to share a ride with the boy you’d loved for the past year, to be in each others presence while not addressing the elephant in the apartment.
“You start today?” Peter frowned, his eyebrows furrowed.
“First day working as medical staff at Stark Tower.” You let go of him and shuffled into the kitchen, dragging your feet toward the fridge. You grabbed the white handle and pulled, bending over to gaze at the contents inside before you decided on a ripe apple and a bottle of fiji water Peter brought home the day before.
After selecting your items and balancing them in your arms, your turned around to talk to Peter only to find the place where he once was, empty now.
“You see in colour,” Peter called from the living room, beckoning you with his voice.
As you crossed the distance, a smile broke on your face when you saw Peter standing in the living room in his full Spider-Man get up. He was posing for you with the familiar smile you loved most, on his face.
“Tell me what colour my suit is.” He placed his hands on his hips, watching you with playful flirtation.
“I can do that,” you walked toward him with renewed pep in your step. You stood in front of him and slid your hands up his chest and onto his shoulders, your eyes wandering the pattern of his suit and the colours that had been brought together to form the impressive technological apparel that had saved Peter’s life more than once.
“The shoulders are red with black details that make the suit itself look like spiders webs.” You touched and traced the black lines as you spoke, your attention on the way he filled out the spider suit and the feel of his tight muscles been the your hands.
“There are two blue bands that break up the red on your arms,” you touched the blue against the red, proving your point.
“There’s more blue?” Peter asked, his hands moving to your hips where he lightly squeezed.
“Yes,” you inhaled sharply, your eyes moving down his body toward his lower half, “from your waist to the middle of your calves are blue. From the middle of your calves to your feet are red with black detailed lines like the upper half.”
“We’ll make it work,” Peter brushed his thumb across your chin to lift your head, “it’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.”
** **
“Are we going to talk about it?” Nat smirked while she was leaning against the bar side of the communal area the Avengers shared. Since the party, and their full ascent into fully coloured vision, Natasha has been on them relentlessly to try and get a peek into their brains.
“The kid has been dating the girl for a whole year,” Clint spoke from the lounger in the centre of the room, looking back at the two with a similar smirk to Natasha’s.
“And she’s a baby,” Natasha’s grin widened, “really robbing the cradle aren’t you boys?”
“She’s 20 Nat, almost 21.” Bucky spoke in defence of their situation.
“She’s not legal enough to drink and she’s barely legal enough to vote.” Natasha looked Steve up and down, with a raised eyebrow.
“She’s working here.” Bruce had quipped, looking at the tablet in his hands before he looked up. “She’s working on the medical floor as a registered nurse. Given your reputation, I think you’ll be seeing a lot of her.”
Bruce was speaking of Steve and Bucky’s penchant for getting into trouble where they was none, though the jab could’ve been aimed further toward Steve since the man couldn’t run away from a fight.
“We’re not pursuing anything.” Steve stood his ground and cut the silent accusations short. “The kid is a relationship with her-“
“It won’t last long.” Clint cut Steve off, pushing himself to sit up further. “We all know how the soulmate connection is. Even if you’re on the other side of the world, you’ll be drawn together eventually. No matter how hard you try to fight it.”
“She’s in a relationship, Barton.” Steve unscrewed the cap on a bottle of water and lift it to his lips. “We’re not going to interfere-“
“Its inevitable. Whether you want to interfere or not, there is a connection that won’t be ignored. They can try to push it off all they want, eventually one of them will break.”
Steve hummed after he swallowed, his eyebrows knit together. He slipped into a space of deep though, a place in his head that pulled his thoughts toward Peggy.
Steve and Bucky were able to see half colour when they recognized each other as soulmates. When Steve met Peggy, he had wished that his vision could’ve shifted to full colour. He wished that he could’ve seen the bright flashes of pigment that was described so heavily by those who had already met their soulmates and in book written exclusively on the topic.
When he didn’t see colour, and neither did Peggy, there was a part of Steve that was disappointed. There was a part of him that was almost distraught over not being able to have this woman who was breathtaking and confident, so sure of herself, as his soulmate.
He wanted Peggy.
Bucky wanted him. He had only ever spoke of Steve when he was alive in the 40’s, there was no connection to Peggy other than one of friendship.
“It’s inevitable,” Steve mumbled under his breath, chewing on the words.
Inevitable. Steve and Peggy were never meant for each other.
If fate would inevitably bring two soulmates together, than fate could inevitably separate two people who were never meant for each other.
“Eventually the relationship will fail as the connection between the three of you grows.” Bruce glanced from Steve to Bucky. “And there will be no turning back.”
