archive

I made it out

[user-boxer]

This user has a triggering blog

[invictus1875]

Feels oddly like betrayal

[invictus1875]

Try again.

[invictus1875]

A throne so magnificent, forged with my own blood.

How could I ever feel worthy of it?

[invictus1875]

It's kinda crazy how, when you finally escape the clutches of abuse, even simple things like listening to the birds chirp on a peaceful walk home (peaceful, no doom, no dread, no anxiety) feels earth shattering and healing at the same time. I don't know what I'm feeling but there's a Lot of it.

[invictus1875]

I saved myself once. I can do it over, and over, and over again.

[invictus1875]

Relationships with toxic parents be like............ I miss you. I can't stand you. Why did you stop loving me? Did you ever start? I want to forgive you. I don't. I can't. Hold me. Don't touch me. Why won't you look at me? I never want to see you again. I inherited your smile. I inherited your pain. Are you proud of me? I don't care what you think. I want to cry in your arms. I'm scared of you. I won. I lost so much. I don't want you in my life. Can we try again? You are nothing to me. You were everything to me. I loved you. I hate you. Love me. Love me. Love me.

[invictus1875]

post cancelled I despise him now

[unstablemotions]

Every book about PTSD will repeatedly mention how your personality will change after the traumatic event. How this is an indicator that you have the disorder. How this is a universal experience for everyone who suffers from post traumatic stress.

But I never got to have a life before trauma. That person was killed before they were alive. All that remains is a broken shell from where a child was ripped out with violent teeth.

I didn't change from my trauma, because I never existed before it began.

[invictus1875]

absolutely insane how ive managed to collect big T trauma from men, women, and a nonbinary person too now

[invictus1875]

.

[invictus1875]

hope my heart stops before I wake up tomorrow lmao

[unwelcome-ozian]

[lanaknowsitried0]

[invictus1875]

I never learn.

[invictus1875]

Navigating an internet where people don't think trigger warnings are important is an extreme sport

[invictus1875]

have you or your followers ever heard of After Silence? it's a message board type forum that focuses on support, healing and speaking up made by and for survivors of (insert abuse here but mainly CSA/SA/COCSA/Abuse, ETC,) and it's super welcoming and somewhat active. It'd be cool to see more activity in it.

PSA!!

[agapi-kalyptei]

What is your ACE score?

tl;dr ACE score is a short but effective way to measure childhood trauma. The higher your score is, the more important it is to seek therapy, and surround yourself with supportive people. The damage on your body is measurable, but reversible! Don't lose hope. Find a friend.

Prior to your 18th birthday:

Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often… Swear at you, insult you, put you down, or humiliate you? or Act in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt? No = 0 points, Yes = +1 point

Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often… Push, grab, slap, or throw something at you? or Ever hit you so hard that you had marks or were injured? No = 0 points, Yes = +1 point

Did an adult or person at least 5 years older than you ever… Touch or fondle you or have you touch their body in a sexual way? or Attempt or actually have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with you? No = 0 points, Yes = +1 point

Did you often or very often feel that … No one in your family loved you or thought you were important or special? or Your family didn’t look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support each other? No = 0 points, Yes = +1 point

Did you often or very often feel that … You didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, and had no one to protect you? or Your parents were too drunk or high to take care of you or take you to the doctor if you needed it? No = 0 points, Yes = +1 point

Were your parents ever separated or divorced? No = 0 points, Yes = +1 point

Was your mother or stepmother: Often or very often pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had something thrown at her? or Sometimes, often, or very often kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, or hit with something hard? or Ever repeatedly hit over at least a few minutes or threatened with a gun or knife? No = 0 points, Yes = +1 point

Did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker or alcoholic, or who used street drugs? No = 0 points, Yes = +1 point

Was a household member depressed or mentally ill, or did a household member attempt suicide? No = 0 points, Yes = +1 point

Did a household member go to prison? No = 0 points, Yes = +1 point

The number of YES answers is your ACE score:

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9 or 10

Voting ended onMay 10, 2023

Scroll down here to see the tl;dr of potential health consequences of higher ACE scores

Books by Donna Jackson Nakazawa about ACE score and how to counter the negative consequences, I can 100% recommend all of them:

The Last Best Cure - My Quest to Awaken the Healing Parts of My Brain and Get Back My Body, My Joy, and My Life

Childhood Disrupted - How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology, and How You Can Heal

The Angel & The Assassin - The Tiny Brain Cell That Changed the Course of Medicine

Girls on the Brink - Helping Our Daughters Thrive in an Era of Increased Anxiety, Depression, and Social Media

(not affiliate links)

[invictus1875]

This list is incredibly incomplete with respect to the kinda of trauma one can go through, and seems to suggest some people need therapy more than others because they "have it worse."

I realise this was posted with good intentions, but I just want anyone who comes across this to know I scored a 3 and I've been through immense trauma. Just so happens what I went through isn't listed here. Not to mention the fact that this "test or "measure" doesn't take into account how many times someone's been through something.

And, jesus, let's not even get into how this blatantly disregards child on child sexual abuse. I've been through a solid year of abuse at 6-7. The fact that my abuser was also my age does not suddenly lessen my trauma.

Posts like this are dangerous, especially in the vent community where a lot of people are still struggling to accept what they've been through was worth being traumatised over.

Please be responsible with what you're posting as a reliable resource, well intentioned or otherwise.

PS: A "low score" here doesn't indicate that you're faking or don't have it bad enough.

[noloveisunconditional]

if you bothered to actually read the source you'd see they talk about exactly what you're concerned about here, but I guess making an angry tumblr reply was more important

[invictus1875]

There was really no reason for you to snap at me this way for an honest mistake. I've pointed out more than once that I appreciate the sentiment behind the post. It's not the test I pointed out. It's the POST. There's absolutely no mention in the POST that there's more nuance to the test. That's still irresponsible and I stand by what I said. My problem was not with the test, but the post.

I'm not losing the trauma contest. What a horribly insensitive thing to say. If you'd perhaps considered, like I did for the OP, that my reply was also made with good intentions, you would've seen it from my point of view. It's very easy to trigger someone, and I think it's important to be sensitive to that. Again, I wasn't triggered- my response was coming from a place of empathy for people who are more vulnerable to self doubt.

But I guess making a rude ass "angry Tumblr reply" was more important, huh?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯