Irises in the garden

Just a 21 y/o girl studying interior design and trying to live life with autism, adhd and mdd.

[irisesinthegarden]

It always makes me laugh that my brother is like "Max is an evil mastermind I hate him he's why F1 is awful now!!"

Litterally Max Verstappen:

[irisesinthegarden]

i'm so tired of feeling replaceable

just a moment in people's life

[irisesinthegarden]

in my most chaotic period ever, while having problems with my boyfriend for the first time in 3 years of relationships, while having constant anxiety and hating seeing myself in the mirror.

I really don't know if I'll survive this next 3 months. I'm tired. All my life is just fighting and fighting and fighting.

I just want to relax.

Please, let me breathe.

[irisesinthegarden]

I am tired of not being listened to because I am a woman or because I am young or because I am autistic.

I am worth listening to anyway.

I can be sick anyway.

I should be able to give consent anyway.

[irisesinthegarden]

how do I explain I want to literally sew my mouth shut forever

[irisesinthegarden]

why is it too much to ask of people to be true to the systems they created

[irisesinthegarden]

I'm so tired of feeling replaceable. I'm tired of feeling like an extra in everyone's life. I'm tired of feeling unlovable.

[maxcore]

Nürburgring Langstrecken-Serie: He came. He saw. He conquered.

[irisesinthegarden]

so tired of feeling not suitable for anything. not right for anything. not good enough for anything. not enough for anyone.

i'm always just gasping and trying and failing.

why do I even try

[irisesinthegarden]

the worst part about being in a healthy and loving relationship is that I cannot do that to my partner. I can't hurt him like that. I can't leave my pain on him. so I'm stuck here, forever, in a life I despise, in constant pain, because I can't hurt the people I love.

[irisesinthegarden]

After years of hiding my depressive episodes to my boyfriend and just telling him I wasn't feeling super good, I just ended up having one on holiday with him. He woke up with me looking at the ceiling and as soon as he spoke to me I just started crying. He had to hold me for an hour while I just tried to calm down. I spent the whole week speaking as little as I could, forcing myself to eat, barely doing anything. I'm sorry for him. This shouldn't be his life.

[irisesinthegarden]

After years of hiding my depressive episodes to my boyfriend and just telling him I wasn't feeling super good, I just ended up having one on holiday with him. He woke up with me looking at the ceiling and as soon as he spoke to me I just started crying. He had to hold me for an hour while I just tried to calm down. I spent the whole week speaking as little as I could, forcing myself to eat, barely doing anything. I'm sorry for him. This shouldn't be his life.

[irisesinthegarden]

Everyone who knows anything about me always tells me how strong I am, how resilient I am, how good I was. But then, magically, they forget that I'm still hurting. That I still need help. That I'm still struggling. And they just... disappear.

[irisesinthegarden]

so tired of feeling like an outcast wherever I go, with whoever I'm with.

my best friend? feels like I'm just a wall in the room

my family? I'd rather disappear

my own room and on my own? feels like I should just disappear

[irisesinthegarden]

my family considers what I study just choosing a candle. I don't sleep most nights, I work my ass off, but yeah it's just a stupid thing right?

[irisesinthegarden]

everyone always ask me why I don't feel comfortable at home, why I don't consider them family, but how could I if they make fun of me for things that make me cry at night?

[irisesinthegarden]

tired of being the organizer of everything so I just stopped and honestly it's fun seeing everyone just do nothing. You are just as capable as me you know.