SIGNLESS: -He doesn't want to do this. He doesn't want to do anything. Signless didn't know what time it was, and frankly he didn't really care he had spent the last several hours bawling his eyes out like a wriggler. He also didn't care that he was close crying now as he stood outside of his best friend's door with the intention to tell him that his mom, that Psii's matesprit, was dead. And it was his god damn fault.-
SIGNLESS: -Kasvik's hand was shaking in front of the door, balled up into a fist to knock but lacking the actual courage to do so. He didn't want to do this. He wasn't prepared or ready to do this. He was visably malnourished, sleep deprived, and even the shower he had taken was all that effective at making him look any better. His chest still ached from the electric prong being forced into the center of his sternum, but honestly Signless would rather take a million of those hits then be here now.-
SIGNLESS: -Psii probably hears the weakest ass knock of his entire life right about now.-
PSII: -He's been sitting awake for ages, not eating much, a total wreck, putting all the energy for his own self care on the wriggler that he kind of snatched from Dualscar. He sits bolt upright at the knock, his pusher hammering in his chest. He'd been waiting for news. He listened a second, to see if it was just footsteps in the hall, and then levitated to his feet and ran to the door, the chubby wriggler on his shoulder. He was careful to stay slow and steady- Sileas didn't like being moved to fast. He couldn't blame him.
PSII: -The door slid wide and on the other end was his best friend, looking an absolute wreck. He didn't even speak first. He just shifted Sileas higher and pulled Signless into a crushing hug with his unoccupied arm.-
PSII: Oh. Oh, fuck. I'm so glad to see you- Are you okay? This is real, right? Is Disciple back too?
SIGNLESS: -He didn't say anything. For one, he didn't really have time to given that Mikkev was so quick to hug him. For which Signless was so greatful for because it put off the horrific reasoning for his visit just that much longer.-
SIGNLESS: -Even though Psii' only hugged him with one arm (The other was supporting his kid-- oh god Sileas was okay holy shit okay. Thank god.) Kasvik wrapped both around Mikkev probably too tightly to hug him back. For a bit there wasn't much noise aside from Sileas screeching with delight and reaching to try and pull on his dad's hair from up on Mikkev's shoulder.-
SIGNLESS: . . . .Sh-She's back. -He finally managed to croak out.- [12/6/2015 11:26:02 PM] Rafi: PSII: -He let out a relieved huff of breath, squeezing him tighter.- Thank fuck. I was so scared. God. -He shuts his eyes tight, tucks his head against Signless's shoulder, and sags.- I have your wriggler. When did you guys get back? What can I do? I should see everybody- they got everyone, right?
SIGNLESS: -He's being too quiet, he knows he is. But Kasvik doesnt want to be the one to say it. He doesn't know how to say it. But who else did Mikkev deserve to hear it from? Kasvik hadn't had the guts to even tell Psii' about Dualscar, Ymirra had done it for him. And Ymirra was around to help him out this time.-
SIGNLESS: -Just thinking about that made him choke down a silent sob that made his shoulders tremble. He didn't deserve to stand here hugging anyone. As far as he knew, it was his own fault for not having been able to protect her. Or for not playing along with the cowboy. Maybe if he had, then she would still be alive.-
SIGNLESS: I'm sorry. . . -He couldn't even bring himself to try to look at Psii, and was so thankful that them hugging like this kept his face hidden from Mikkev's sight- Mom. Ymirra, sh-she. . .fuck i-its all my fault.
PSII: -When Kasvik starts to cry, he feels a punch of fear. He knows something has to be really wrong, and he lets out a crooning comforting chirp and rubs his shoulders.- Uh- What-
PSII: -And then he stops abruptly, ice cold in his gut.- What? Kas, what happened? Where's Mirra?
SIGNLESS: -He doesn't know exactly WHERE she is. But he knows where she isn't. He can also hear Sileas making nervous chirps at both of the adults, meaning the wriggler was doing well to pick up on their moods.-
SIGNLESS: -Kasvik pulls back from the hug for two reasons, one) he doesn't feel like he deserves it or can handle it right now. And two) they are still out in the hallway.-
SIGNLESS: I need to come inside. -He croaks out, still refusing to look at anything but Mikkev's shoes (Or feet if he isn't wearing any)-
PSII: -Psii can still feel the anxiety in his chest, and he bites at his lower lip and rubs over Sileas's back.- Yeah, okay. -He steps back to let Signless in. He's not wearing shoes.- Come in. -His hand worrying with the pocket of his sweat pants. The other one is propping Sileas up, gentle, gentle. He can barely breathe. What happened?- Come in.
SIGNLESS: -He wastes no time in getting out of the halls and entering the block. Shortly after, he makes a bee line for the couch and sits down, waiting for Mikkev to join him and also trying to recollect himself for the moments to come.-
PSII: -He shifts nervously from foot to foot, and inches closer to the couch but feels sort of nervous about sitting down. He sits on just the edge, and puts Sileas down between them.-
SILEAS: -He hangs his feet over the edge of the couch and kicks them back and forth while chittering.-
SIGNLESS: -Takes this moment of having Sileas so close to him to reach out and pull the little kid into his lap for so many hugs. To which Sileas does protest a little bit before snuggling his dad and purring quite happily. Signless was finding it so hard to stay on track right now.-
SIGNLESS: -Eventually Kasvik does turn to look at Psii again, feeling better after securing the fact that his child was safe and well. It was time to destroy the shred of good feeling he had right now.-
SIGNLESS: -Deep breath- Mikkev. . .sh-she -Crap he needs to take another steadying breath to say this.-
SIGNLESS: Mom didn't make it.
PSII: -He looks at him a moment, blinking uncomprehendingly, like Kasvik is speaking a foreign language- What- no. What do you mean?
SIGNLESS: -He grits his teeth and tries again, not able to keep eye contact this time around.- I mean that they-
SIGNLESS: Mikkev fuck I'm s-sorry. -His shoulders hunch forward as he clings tighter to Sileas, who by this point has stopped purring and trying to understand why his dad is acting so weird-
SIGNLESS: Pl-Please don't make me actually say it.
PSII: -He looks at him for a long moment, feeling very far away and empty. He's not sure what he's grasping for, but there's a dull roar in his ears and his eyes are glowing bright and wet. He reaches for Kasvik's hand and lurches over, folding into himself. His knees draw towards his chest. It's like a punch in the stomach. He's not sure what to do. His throat works, and then there's a hiccuping, dry sob, but no real tears.-
SIGNLESS: -His hand at first flinches away from Mikkev's, Kasvik didn't feel like he deserved or even wanted the contact. He was still in so much shock about this himself, it was like existing through a cloud of absolute, soul crushing, fog. But at least he finally did fumble for Psii's hand, holding it in a strong, yet supportive grip. Kasvik knew he wasn't the only one hurting.-
PSII: -He reached towards Kasvik and pulled him in, hooking an arm around his neck and reeling him close. He can feel sparks in his horns and the corner of his eyes. He can feel tears too, building behind his eyes and in his chest, but he couldn't seem to really cry.- Are you- Are you okay? -He managed to get out.- She's your-
SIGNLESS: -Kasvik makes his answer quite clear as he shakes his head repeatedly to convey "No. No I most certainly am not." He wasn't going to risk opening up his mouth, less he start sobbing again. Kasvik returns the gesture of being pulled in by removing one arm from around Sileas to wrap it tight about Mikkev's lanky torso, effectively squishing the wriggler warmly between the two of them. At least for once it would seem that the young troll was reading the mood, and rather then shouting and causing a scene, takes to making discontent trill noises to match his guardian's.-
PSII: -He holds him tight, making another rough sobbing noise.- Me neither. -He reaches down to cup Sileas's face comfortingly, getting a hand between him and Kasvik to stroke over the baby's hair.- Fuck. Fuck- I can't believe this.
SIGNLESS: -All of this was only vaguely comforting to him, and sadly did very little to ease his misery.- I-I thought that-- he sa-said that she was-- fuck I thought he w-was b-bluffing!! -Kasvik whined into the shoulder of his best friend.- I didn't th-think that-- -He can't finish the sentence. Not being able to talk is a running theme for him now.-
PSII: What?? What happened? -He reaches for the back of his head, guides him close, letting out little hiccupy dry sobs.- Shit. Shoosh, shooooosh.
SIGNLESS: -Kasvik takes a steadying, hiccuping breath before he tries to explain it any further- He s-said they were going to g-get hurt. Both of them because I didn't s-say anything.
SIGNLESS: I sh-shouldn't have let it happen. I should have been able to help her!!
PSII: Oh, fuck you. This isn't your fault. -He buries his head in Kasvik's neck, breathing heavily.-
SIGNLESS: -He isn't exactly being rational. Several weeks contained in a small cell with worry tearing him apart had left him pretty raw for devastation now. Kasvik can only cling to his friend and make attempts at rubbing soothing circles on Psii's back, trying his best to comfort him if only to distract himself from the gnawing pain in his chest
PSII: -Mikkev makes an awful sound in the back of his throat at the attempts at comfort, and clutches Signless tighter. Part of him feels like he should be helping more- Kasvik knew her longer, she was always his, he had to be hurting so badly. But Mikkev was selfish, and he was hurting too. It felt like a black hole in his thorax, with his shoulders crumpling in around it. Still, he leaned up and grazed a gentle platonic smooch to Kas's cheek.- It's not your fault. -He said, and his voice may have been shaking but he still meant it.- And she wouldn't want you to blame yourself.
SIGNLESS: -That one brushing of a chaste kiss to his cheek sends the gathered remains of Kasvik's emotional stability crumbling. There aren't any words that can escape him aside from barely choked back whimpers, and the occasional pathetic bug chitter. His attempts at rubbing Psii's back were suffering as well. His intention had been to comfort his friend, but here he was failing miserably, and finding himself rendered to nothing more then a whining wriggler. No better then little Sileas tucked between them. This was fucking disgraceful, and when Mikkev told Kas that Rosa wouldnt want him to blame himself, it only hurt worse.-
SIGNLESS: -He shook his head and moved his hand from Psii's spine to the back of his friends head to guide him into a shaky, but gentle forehead touch.-
PSII: -Signless is falling visibly to pieces, and Mikkev doesn't really know how to help him. He feels like there's a black hole in his chest, his bony shoulders collapsing around it, the wriggler sandwiched between them on the couch unable to understand what's wrong. Well. At least he was safe, and warm. Mikkev leans into the touch, flinching slightly when Kasvik's hand nearly brushes the port on the back of his head.- Its okay, it's okay. -He presses their foreheads together more firmly, and he can almost Kasvik's tears near his face. He's not sure who he's trying to convince.-
SIGNLESS: -He was too tired to cry, but not yet finished doing so. Hot pink tears felt almost sore in his eye sockets, as they dripped down his cheeks. When Mikkev originally flinches, Kasvik almost releases him entirely, but rather ends up moving his hand again to cup Psii's cheek instead.-
SIGNLESS: -With this sort of contact, it was becoming easier to breath again. To ground himself to reality enough to not feel like he was hurtling through a gap between both space and time.- I-Its fucked up.
SIGNLESS: Its so fucked up. -He hisses through gritted teeth.-
PSII: -It's been a long time since someone has touched his face like that. Kasvik, he reminds himself. Warm hands. Not cold. No pointed painted high blood claws. Just Kas. He leans into it with a soft sigh, breathing wet shaky breaths.-
PSII: So fucked up. -He agrees.- It's not fair, she didn't deserve- if anyone should've made it... -He stops himself.- She would want us to be okay. Even if it's not immediately.
SIGNLESS: -Rosa had been one of, if not the most important person throughout Kasviks whole life. He hardly knew any time without her. She had raised him, cared for him, truly had been his closest friend since hatching. Her being gone felt raw and unreal and was suffering in its finest. But... Psiis had a point. She would want them to be okay... Eventually.-
SIGNLESS: I-I know.... -he whispered, horse voice still trembling. He also had still yet to retract his hand from mikkevs face.-
