Pirate Wizard Extraordinaire

Arrr. I be Irving, the most powerful and mysterious seafaring spellslinger ye have ever seen. Or rather, ye have nay seen me, else ye be dead (or part of me crew). I be looking for a place to stash me wizard-booty, without needing to split it with anyone. If ye have any suggestions on this matter or if ye be a scallywag that wants to join me crew, do not hesitate to enquire. And if ye be a member of the Wizard Marine, or after me Wizard booty, best ye beware, for i will unleash such torments upon ye, ye'll wish I had just keelhauled you.

[fredgolds]

this is one of the funniest jokes in the entire series and it happens like two minutes into the first episode

[gavamont]

The economy is in shambles. Fuckers out here can’t even afford a spell, they’re only buying a sound-it-out. 😭

[ratazom]

I can't even get a hemisphere for the price I used to pay for a new orb

[gavamont-clone-2]

I try to buy a new staff, they gave me a broom handle. 😰

[gavamont-clone-1]

They offered me a dust bunny as a new familiar

[irving-the-pirate-wizard]

I tried to summon a demon, and i just summoned bisexuality... I already had that.

[gavamont]

Wizard sleepy, wizard true

Sleep on waves of ocean blue

Wizard tired, Wizard fine

Tipsy from drinking rum and wine

[irving-the-pirate-wizard]

That sounds like my kind of rhyme friend.

[mossy-cobble]

caught a gnome trying to steal a single grape so i blew him apart with my mind

[irving-the-pirate-wizard]

Good, you did the right thing!

[antfucker98-deactivated20140125]

[aphyllum-deactivated20221117]

why is his avatar a cracker

[nikoiya]

His username is antfucker98 and you’re gonna ask why his avatar is a cracker

[antfucker98-deactivated20140125]

im a girl

[catgirlslimies]

Thank God all these people are dead

[antfucker98]

i’m still alive. i still talk to diggledagger regularly too he’s a friend of mine

[catgirlslimies]

Well now I feel guilty. Sorry

[antfucker98]

it’s ok. you could still feel happy at the thought of me not being alive if you want

[missmaxineart]

this feels like one of those legendary posts from like 2012 but it just happened an hour ago

[irving-the-pirate-wizard]

@antfucker98

So how are the ants?

[vinci-the-dragon]

The Dragon discovered that "Being a Dragon" does not make them exempt from taxes. Math is hard!

[dude-the-ancient-dragon]

WTF yes it does

[irving-the-pirate-wizard]

Yeah, what are they gonna do? Send an IRS inspector, more like send an after dinner snack

[wazkalia]

So....I found out last year that there's a dragon IRS...they don't fuck around

[irving-the-pirate-wizard]

Next you'll tell me there is a pirate IRS

[vinci-the-dragon]

The Dragon discovered that "Being a Dragon" does not make them exempt from taxes. Math is hard!

[dude-the-ancient-dragon]

WTF yes it does

[irving-the-pirate-wizard]

Yeah, what are they gonna do? Send an IRS inspector, more like send an after dinner snack

[rootsofthearthareconsumingmyhome]

[foxincrocs15daystoslowthespread]

[unyieldingsilence]

‎

[kobikiyama]

Anna Uddenberg 

[elderslightlyevil]

This little jet allows her to gain a speed boost from farts.

[dude-the-ancient-dragon]

Ok guys, we've laughed and we've joked around but Im setting my claw down. If I catch any of you magical shits using unethically sourced dragon components as magical reagents I am gonna vore you.

[irving-the-pirate-wizard]

dude-the-NARC- dragon demanding I provide a provenance for MY ethically stolen dragon bone powder? I would have never expected something so piratephobic of you.

[funny-tik-toks]

[mlarayoukai-archive]

Sorry babe I'm pondering my orb this weekend. You know how it is

[evilwizard]

i do not think that’s an officially-sanctioned wizard orb

[binscavenger]

well you’re one to talk

[evilwizard]

I SUMMON KETAMINE APE

[aqueousstar]

THATS NOT LEGAL

[evilwizard]

ATTACK!!

[normal-horoscopes]

ATTENTION: THE COUNCIL HAS DETECTED AN ILLEGAL SPELL. DISPEL KETAMINE APE OR FACE THE FULL PENALTY OF WIZARD LAW

[palindromordnilap-deactivated20]

[irving-the-pirate-wizard]

I mean yeah, summoming ketamine ape is a fools move anyways.

I cast...

SUMMON CRACK COCAINE BABOON

[adderalltheblue]

Which is cooler?

Wizard Knight

Wizard Pirate

Voting ended onMar 27, 2025

[irving-the-pirate-wizard]

Well I canney wait to find out

[thetursithan]

The boss has arrived ...

[whatcha-thinkin]

You are hauled before the Wizards' Council and accused of offenses against the Code! What wizard crime are you most likely to have committed?

counterfeiting and / or pirating brand name spell reagents

deviant sexual congress with nonhuman entities

public mockery of both atheists and theists

irresponsible bestowment of sapience without education

timecrimes

exposure of the magical world to the uninitiated for petty reasons

taking an apprentice before demonstrating own competency

unsafe lab conditions

invention of spells that inflict intentional suffering

public demonstration of spellcraft in defiance of the masquerade

wizard lawyering without a license

there must be some mistake your honor, I'm from a world without wizards

Voting ended onMar 22, 2025

[the-curse-wizard]

Invention of spells that inflict intentional suffering? Is that a airquotes crime close airquotes now?

[irving-the-pirate-wizard]

Interdimensional piracy isn't on this list because they can't charge me if they can't catch me

[randomly-generated-posts-machine]

it's about time we ended the reign of the evil wizard

[evilwizard]

[irving-the-pirate-wizard]

You would say that, wouldn't you?

[bellossom]

me when I "mysteriously" feel better after I "have something to eat"

[wizard-eater]

thats the wizard

[irving-the-pirate-wizard]

You mean the one you ate... don't you...