Genshin Impact Characters and Why I Wouldn’t Be Able to Date Them irl
emphasize on wouldn’t, so its not like the only person that could be with me would be a rock. 😭🤣 don’t take this seriously its just for fun, try it yourself if you’d like 🤭
Kaedehara Kazuha: …his heart is locked for Tomo. Would rizz me tf up w/ zero effort, but he doesn’t actually feel the same. He’s just being nice. 😩 I’d cry in my room. 😭
Childe/Tartaglia: He would move too fast… I’d be overwhelmed. I would still find him super sweet though and be lowkey crushed when he moves on with someone else. 🤡
Zhongli: No… money.. 🤣🤣🤣 half kidding its more of because he’s already satisfied with life, I’m more ambitious so I don’t think he’d really be up for that lifestyle or attitude (anymore).
Alhaitham: I feel like I wouldn’t be able to mentally stimulate him so I’d chicken out. I’d push him to go for Kaveh… and he probably would because I’d give him nothing (self sabotage ?) lol.
Arataki Itto: My family is religious… so his devil horns will be.. alarming 🤣🤣 He’s pretty friendly though. So even though we may not necessarily be friends, I’d still enjoy his company and genuinely laugh at his jokes (real).
Shikanoin Heizou: Flirty as with everyone else but wouldn’t be able to reach me on an emotional level (and vice versa). I’d looove to be around whenever he’s deducing/figuring out his investigations though (i’m a sl*t for that sh*t, i really enjoyed the hsr starskiff accident quest).
a/n: i swear i was working on the masterlist but the brainrot finally got to me hnghhhh
warnings: gn but feminine implications (ie. princess treatment, reader wears heels and makeup, passenger princess), simping for reader, maybe ooc? swearing, fluff, some are modern aus, maybe innuendos?
─ ✰ DILUC is the gentleman we all deserve in our lives. if it’s raining outside, he’ll make sure to protect you from the wetness! he makes sure you’re fully bundled up in his coat, and that when he’s walking you home, the umbrella is fully covering you. oh, his shoulder’s getting wet? that’s fine, a little bit of water never hurt anyone. but if it happens to you? all hell breaks loose. what if you get sick from the rain? are you feeling alright? do you need medicine? a doctor? and if you’re in a modern au, he’ll definitely let you be the passenger princess 🥰 you can take naps, eat snacks, and pick all the songs! you don’t ever have to worry about giving him directions, you can just do whatever you want. he even installs led lights in his car so you can take asthetic pictures <3 if you’re tired, don’t worry about him, he’ll be fine alone, take your beauty sleep :) he drives you anywhere you want, no questions asked! you want to go to his mansion? you’ll be there in ten. grocery store? sure. nail salon? he’ll even accompany you to get your nails done just so you won’t be alone, pays for everything too!
─ ✰ KAEYA is absolutely whipped for you. to most people, he’s the town flirt, and a drunkard, but to you, he’s the most caring and softest person you’ve ever met, even if it’s hidden under layers of hurt. if you go out drinking with him, and come back drunk, he’ll carry you bridal style back home. pressing your body closer to his, he makes sure to prop your head so your neck won’t get sore. and if you wear makeup, he won’t put in the low effort to wipe your face with a makeup wipe, he’ll do your whole skincare routine for you! first, he uses makeup remover to take everything off, then, gently, he massages the cleanser into your skin and washes it off. he applies your creams and serums, making sure to be as tender as possible, even if you whine that all you want to do is go to sleep. he soothes you, whispering that all he needs is ten more minutes to brush your teeth and get you changed so you’ll feel clean in the morning. and for the hangover in the morning? he makes you special soup and showers you himself so you don’t even have to lift a finger.
─ ✰ CHILDE loves spoiling you whenever he gets the chance to. other people might think it’s just another sugar baby dynamic, but in truth, it’s far from it. it’s a selfless love, not just based on materialistic items. but even then, he’s willing to sacrifice his time and money for you. you’re his baby and his top priority always, no matter what. are you hungry? well, get ready, because he just booked a reservation at the highest star restaurant in town! you’re having a bad day? no problem, he’ll send one of the lower ranking fatui members to do the dirty work and he’s coming home early! he’ll bring home a large bouquet of flowers and a cute stuffie to match. you need new clothes? he’s driving you to all your favourite stores on his card <3 his wallet is practically bottomless, so don’t be afraid to spend what you want! a couple thousand mora is nothing to him if he can see your frowning pout turn into the pretty smile he loves so much. he even carries all your bags for you without asking! he can’t have his darling getting tired after all :(( just as long as after you give him a smooch on the lips and an hour of cuddles, the only payment he’ll accept (´∀｀)♡
─ ✰ KAZUHA, even after years of being in a relationship, still finds ways to give you butterflies in your stomach. when you come back into your quiet home after a long night, too exhausted to take care of yourself, he leads you to a chair and sits you down. he ever so delicately unlaces your heels for you, taking his time doing so, but don’t worry! you won’t ever be bored. if the silence is too much, he’ll ask you how your day was, talk about his, and spill all the tea that happened on the crux. and if your feet are tender, he’ll massage them gently so they won’t be sore in the morning :(( he’s putting the utmost care and effort into whatever he’s doing for you, and that never fails to make your heart skip a beat. he still opens doors for you, dedicates hundreds, if not thousand of poems and haikus to you, and never fails to make you feel loved. he’d never forget an important date, even if you don’t mention it for months before! he always asks for your hand, and when you place it in his with a knowing smile, he gives you a fairytale-like kiss on the top, making sure to peck every little fingertip in the process.
─ ✰ SCARAMOUCHE never thought he’d bow down to anyone again in his lifetime. he’s trained every little bit of himself to be the most powerful, the strongest being he could so he’d never have to go through that humiliation. but yet here he is, tucking away his ego and pride, bending down on the ground for you. yes, he may grumble, telling you to hurry up, and that he doesn’t have all day, but the fact that he’s basically submitting to you speaks for itself. you taught him what love meant, healing, and promised that you’d never leave him, and for that, you have his eternal loyalty. as you climb on his back, he gently hooks your legs against his arms as he stabilizes both of you. the proximity of your face resting against his neck causes him to go up in flames, throwing his oversized hat on your head, telling you to hold on to it for him. but really he’s hoping the large structure obstructs his rosy cheeks. he does every little ‘embarrassing’ thing for you, from painting his nails barbie pink to being shrek for your matching halloween costumes. if his younger self were to look back at him, he simply wouldn’t believe it, but now, he wouldn’t even consider the possibility of even saying no to you.
─ ✰ XIAO never, ever, takes you adventuring with him, simply because he believes someone as precious as you shouldn’t risk getting hurt and scuffed up. so instead, he brings you little gifts that he sees while adventuring. a glaze lily, protective adepti charms, and almond tofu are all gifts that he’s brought to you before. he’s also much softer with you, never raising his voice and being cautious about his choice of words. if you ever get caught in a physical situation with him, automatically he moves to stand in front of you, one arm protectively circling your waist, pulling you closer to him. being xiao’s s/o, you also get special privileges. while he answers most who call his name, if you even utter his in a whisper, he’ll be there in a heartbeat, no matter if it’s an emergency or not. whether you called him to join your tea party, or if you are in the slightest bit of danger, he’ll be there. he also trusts you more than his logic, even if everyone else is against you. if you’re in a scuffle with other humans, he makes sure to hear both sides, but his heart already knows who’s right. whether there are 100 witnesses who all say you’re wrong, he’ll still believe you anyways.
─ ✰ THOMA is absolute malewife material, no questions asked. sometimes, if he’s not busy in the mornings, he’ll surprise you with breakfast in bed without a special occasion. he’ll peck your cheek and give you a soft ‘good morning’ as to not break the sleepy trance you’re in, carefully placing the tray onto the nearest nightstand. whenever he’s around, he does all your chores too, from washing the dishes, to dusting the house and sweeping the floors. you wom’t even have to lift a finger, he goes as far to make lunch too! since he’s not home by then, usually somewhere in the kamisato estate, he leaves handwritten sticky notes on each lunch box he gives you. he fills them with messages like, “the perfume you wore smells good today!” “your smile is blinding, my ray of sunshine” or “you’re gorgeous always, my lovely.” never once is a message repeated, he believes someone as special as you deserves to hear something unique each day. he even goes as far to make your food cute! he’s made panda shaped onigiri’s, cat-like dango’s… all because you asked him once, it’s become a tradition now.
─ ✰ AYATO never leaves you bored when he goes to one of his meetings. his maids set up a spa day, complete with a makeover and evening gown to go with it, but it’s just not the same without your husband :( thankfully, being the significant other of the head of the yashiro commission has its own perks. for instance, you can walk around like you own the place and join in on in his meetings, albeit later you might get punished by ayato for interrupting, but really, he doesn’t mind. seated on his lap, you play with his fingers and let out a quiet huff. why did you think this was a good idea again? what they’re talking about is so boring, you’re beginning to regret your desicion to join ayato, wishing to be soaking in the tub with a face mask again. thankfully, shortly after, he cuts the conference short, apologizing and telling them he has more pressing matters to attend to. you lead him straight home holding his hand, giddy that he’ll join another one of your salon days. he makes sure to pamper you, giving you a massage and washing your hair for you, praising you for being so patient, even if you were the reason the meeting ended early.
─ ✰ AL-HAITHAM, i headcanon, thinks he’s being subtle with putting up with your shenanigans, but he couldn’t be farther off. he might seem indifferent on the outside, but he cares much more than you might think. can’t sleep? just wake him up at 3am, he’ll wrap you in a blanket burrito and read to you until you fall asleep! just got your nails done? he’ll carry all of your books, what else would he need his giant man boobs muscles for? he revolves around you, as if you are the sun and he the earth. and god forbid if you’re ever mad at him, his whole life comes tumbling down. although if you can’t see it in his facial expression, all of his rationality goes flying out the window. he’s snappier than usual, getting annoyed at the littlest of inconveniences. even if you’re in the wrong, he’ll still apologize first, he just wants you to start talking to him again 😢 if you have conditions to making up, he follows them all to the tee. give you one kiss for every hour he’s made you upset? done. buy you the newest line of makeup or skincare? absolutely. cook dinner for the next two weeks? he already does that.
─ ✰ KAVEH is placed 1st on the list of simps. just pout your lips and whimper a “pretty please?”, he’s down bad. he lets you braid, curl, and play with his hair whenever you want, even if it was already styled in the beginning. he lets you steal all of his clothes, who cares if he’s worn the same thing five times in the past week? you look so adorable in his white shirt, he can’t complain. oh, and if you don’t like his style? he’ll let you pick out his clothes and style him yourself, he’ll stand there patiently for you like a mannequin <3 technically it’s not allowed, but he shows you all of his top secret projects and all the cool things he’s doing, you’re the only one allowed in his office! oh, what’s this? you want him to do your makeup? just give him a week, he’ll perfect cat eyeliner, lip liner and blending eyeshadow colors for you! after you’re done, he lets you do his makeup too, praising you for your talent. even if the blush is patchy, foundation cakey and lip gloss smudged, he still thanks you endlessly with unlimited cuddles and a new handbag matching his briefcase!
scenario : reader asks them "what are we?" when they had automatically assumed you were aware of their feelings towards you
trigger warning : none except everyone here being short, i hope
tighnari
before you even asked the question, tighnari had a bad suspicious feeling about you today
he lightly sighed while looking over some of his leftover paperwork
even during his "office hours", he couldn't help but notice the "sneaky" glances and pretty much everything he's ever known about nervous body language from you
"you ask the most intriguing questions whenever you're fidgeting like that. tell me, what is it?" he couldn't help the sarcastic tone even if he tried
but his half-joking tone helped you relax, tighnari seemed to have talent at naturally calming you down
okay, here goes nothing.
"what are we, tighnari?" you finally managed to ask him
he answered with absolutely no hesitation immediately
"you? a human if my memory serves. as for me, i happen to be a fennec fox hybrid."
"... tighnari..."
stops writing at your tone- that didn't sound like you were joking
you were being serious? no way...
tighnari looked straight into your eyes, expression conflicted
he furrowed his brows and kept eye contact to see if you were pranking him or something
"...you're joking right?" he asked, half hopeful that he wasn't the one jumping into conclusions here
"...no"
he looked speechless, but then he let out a sigh
"enlighten me on what exactly makes you confused on what our relationship is?" he was sure he made it crystal clear
"we... i don't know, i can't tell. that's why i'm asking you" disbelief was written all over his face at your answer
"i held your hand."
"you did."
"i hugged you before."
"yes?"
"...i gave you flowers i grew myself on numerous occasions."
"yes, i'm keeping them as a bookmark like you suggested."
tighnari's scowl deepened, trying his hardest not to look lowkey offended that you were still confused after all that
how could you even not know, everyone knew from the forest rangers crew so why didn't you?
never mind, you clearly needed confirmation
"... i believe i have romantic feelings for you and just until now i was under the impression that you were aware." your eyes widened at tighnari's blunt words
you noticed the pink flush in his cheeks when he finally had to admit
"geez, want me spell it out for you? need a contract or something?" despite his complaint, tighnari felt content with the way your expression showed clear signs of happiness
how could you not fall even deeper for him, when he looked that adorable with rosy cheeks and slightly downturned ears?
approaches you from his desk and sits next to you
places his hand on yours, lightly squeezing them
"well, how about you then? what am i to you?"
cyno ( general mahamatra )
cyno's face remains emotionless most of the times, everyone who ever met him would agree in a heartbeat
he also had this habit of keeping very, very unwavering eye contact on whoever he was talking to
you've heard many of his subordinates mention how scary and intimidating it was to face his stone-cold stare
and to your absolute horror, he looked the same as ever when you nervously asked something that's been on your mind for days and weeks now
"what are we, cyno?"
"..." almost as if frozen, cyno stayed silent and merely stared at you like he did every day
oh no, this was definitely not the reaction you were ready for
his gaze seemed a bit too heavy on you, especially with how his scarlet eyes were emphasized by the comforting darkness of midnight surrounding you
"i mean- what i meant was-" before you could finish your sentence, he blurted out, loud and clear
"are we not already dating?"
a painful silence followed
it was your turn to freeze now
already dating...? but...
"no?" you blurted out before you could control it
your heart dropped at cyno's normally stoic face clearly flashed signs of sadness
"wait no i mean- but you didn't... ask me out" you barely managed to ask
cyno blinked once, then twice
then finally for the first time, you saw the general mahamatra ever avoid your gaze and cough in a bashful manner
he awkwardly scratched his neck and looked away from you
were you imagining things, or does he look... super nervous right now?
your eyes nearly fell out of your socket, he looks so adorable...??
"i... thought you already knew, i apologize."
finally after a while, cyno fixated his gaze on you again and regained his posture
"i like you, (name). i'd like to date you... if you share my feelings."
god, he really is the prettiest boy, isn't he?
kaedehara kazuha
the moment you mentioned that you wanted to talk, kazuha gently holds your hand and stares lovingly with a soft smile on his face
"of course, love."
it wouldn't matter where he was or what he was doing, he'd always make time for you. always.
when he led you to a place where you could have privacy, your heart fluttered at how his hand never left yours
when you two were alone, kazuha turned at you
nods and looks at you with the most adorable look in his eyes
"yes, what is it, love?"
he didn't look... like this with others right?
"kazuha... what are... we?" you finally gained the courage to ask him
not surprised in the slightest at the question and finally connecting the dots as to why you looked so nervous
smiles and looks at you like you brought the moon to him
and to him, you did.
you brought the entire galaxy, staining, painting his world with the most beautiful of all colors he could've never imagined
which is why he feels slightly guilty that he's left you in the dark about his feelings
"what was my nickname for you, i wonder?" he smiled adorably
"...love?"
"yes, dear?"
you felt your cheeks flush at the unexpected answer, kazuha's soft giggle making your heart skip a beat
"i'm sorry for leaving it unclear." kazuha laces his fingers with yours
you stared into his eyes, unable to control the slight flush in your cheeks
kazuha couldn't stop smiling, just how beautiful and lovable were you? <3
with a soft giggle, kazuha placed a fleeting kiss on your hand
then another one on your forehead
"i'm yours as you are mine, love. if you'll have me."
scaramouche ( kunikuzushi )
"kuni... what exactly are we?"
"huh?"
he was sure he misheard that
he must have misheard that, right? tell him he's right and it was just a prank
outright glares at you when you stay quiet, looking at him all expectedly like you wanted an answer
god, stop looking at him like that... you look too cute it makes him feel all weird and warm inside, stop it-
of course you wanted an answer, everything with scara confused you the more you spent time with him
you were positive friends didn't act like... this
... but he also never confessed or anything of the sort
"you're telling me you're..."
realizes that you're serious, his face flushing in embarrassment and frustration
"god, how dense are you?" he sounded so disappointed, the tone of his voice irked you
"hey, you can't blame me for wanting disclosure, it's confusing!"
"how don't you know? you're doing this on purpose, aren't you?"
"what am i supposed to know? you don't need to act all weird and just answer like a normal person would- ouch!! what was that for?"
flicks your forehead damn hard
then, he grabbed your wrist and pulled you closer to him
you lost balance at his unexpected actions and stumbled into his chest
one arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you in closer to his slender body
you could barely breathe, you confusedly directed your gaze at him
but before you could say anything, scaramouche laced his fingers to yours, holding your hand a little too intimately than you expected
all words died in your throat
smirks at your reaction, holding your hand tightly now
"do you hold other guys' hands like this?"
"what- no!"
"hmm, i wonder why." you could almost hear the smirk from his voice
again, you opened your mouth to say something but was silenced for the second time
"then do you do this with other guys?" his husky voice whispered
grabs the back of your head with his free hand, then leans in
before you knew it, his lips were on yours
it was as though time itself has stopped that moment
you finally eased into his kiss, squeezing his hand back
scaramouche stared at you after pulling away
then smirked way too arrogantly than you'd have liked to see
...like he was proud of himself
deeply satisfied with how baffled and shy you looked, it was even better for him when you turned your gaze away to avoid his violet ones
he grabbed your chin and made you look at him, letting out a low laugh full of satisfaction
"figure out "what we are" yourself now, would you, darling?"
I've been thinking lately about Bakugou not growing any taller than his high school height of 5'8", even Deku and Kaminari overtake him. He's self conscious about it, yet another reason for him to be a firecracker, but pretends it doesn't bother him when Kirishima uses him as an arm rest when they're posing for photos with fans. He has nothing to be embarrassed about, he keeps telling himself, he's taller than average, so it's no big deal. No big deal. Until he meets you, standing at only an inch shorter than him with flats on. He hates it. Wants to make you feel small, so how's he supposed do that when he doesn't even want you wearing heels on a date. Well, you'll just have to show him the benefits of being so close in height, of course. Like not having to bend over or strain your neck to kiss, being able to swing a leg over his shoulder without needing a stepladder, and him not having to crouch when you're bent over the counter.
Kaedehara Kazuha: Is polite to everyone and knows how to use his words so there's lots of girls who have crushes on him. Entertains everyone that throws themselves on him that he emotionally cheats. "Darling, she was merely lending an ear."
Tighnari: He's incredibly smart and is always researching about the world so when you fall out of line, annoy him or what not, he gaslights you. "I believe that is not how I, nor how everyone else remembers it my dear."
Arataki Itto: Being the leader of his gang he has lots of people backing him up so no one would genuinely think that he's doing anything bad. He pressures you into doing things that you're not comfortable with. "C'mon do another one, don't be a wet blanket!"
Alhaitham: Him thinking about himself becomes too much to the point that he does not make any effort in the relationship at all. He does not even remember things that someone should remember about their significant other anymore. "...It's green, their eyes are.. green." (it isn't)
Laid on the bed with your lover, you run your fingers through the strands of their hair. You sigh as you loosely wrap your arms around them, and they look up and meet your eyes, lids relaxed as they bask in your warmth. "Thank you for everything that you do for everyone." You close your eyes as you softly kiss their forehead.
Wrapping your arms around them tighter, in an effort to physically show how you feel.. you say "I hope you know we're here for you too.." "I'm here for you." "...Lean onto me sometimes okay?"
majiro "mikey" sano, saiki kusuo, satan, kita shinsuke, baji keisuke, levi ackerman, erwin smith, gojo satoru, midoriya izuku, maki zenin
I couldn’t delete your selfie 😩 so I hope you see this @amajiki-simp 😭💞
“Heyy! Could I have a matchup for Haikyuu , Bungou stray dogs and BNHA? Thank you so much! And sooo sorry if the picture is bad quality and I look terrible.”
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Hi! Of course 🥰 i thought ur headphone’s were puppy ears DHJDDJ ur soo cute, ur glasses looks so good on u 😭
“hii! could i please request an appearance match up? i would like to be matched up with a guy from haikyuu, aot and jjk, please! thank you and i hope you have an awesome day! ❤️”
“hi :D i saw your appearance matchup and i’m so excited ahh. here are my 3 photos! i prefer male anime matchups from haikyuu or jjk. thank you so much <33”
I couldn’t delete your selfie from the submission so I hope you see this 😩 @marii-e
“here is my selfie! honestly I don’t have good ones- I’d like for the fandoms (male characters) Tokyo revengers ( manga! since I am caught up on it), My hero academia and Danganronpa v3.”
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