
Love Begins

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@itsfrenchthellama
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I think… one of the interesting things about online messaging and texting is that sometimes, writing out your feelings to someone is actually so much easier than speaking them. Like, I cannot easily express myself through verbal words. I stutter, I panic, I say “nevermind” because I can’t bring myself to admit the words out loud. But with online messaging, I can blabber on the keyboard like a stream of consciousness, and I can express myself to my friends in a way that’s sometimes very hard for me to do irl
Which is why I’m so defensive about this whole belief that face to face communication is more real than online interactions. In a way, yeah, it is, because it’s more literally “real,” and im not at all gonna deny the value in irl relationships. But online communication has genuinely allowed me, a socially anxious person with a fear of opening up, to develop meaningful relationships with people, and you don’t understand how grateful I am for that
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LIKING SOMEONE IS SO STRESSFUL
i always want boys to like me but the second i find out a boy likes me i feel uncomfortable and i distance myself from him
YOU ARE ROARING SEAS AND THE GILDED SUN
you deserve the love you keep trying to give everyone else
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I don't want to think about all the dirty conversations. I don't want to think about how you used me as a distraction. I don't want to be reminded of how it always ends with me getting hurt. I don't want to think about how you said sorry so much the word lost all meaning coming from you. I don't want to think about how the one person I put all my trust in could just kick me to the side like a piece of garbage and just say oops, I didn't think that would hurt. I don't want to think about how you so easily chose her over me like you were planning on it all along. I don't want to have these fond memories of our friendship tainted by negative feelings of being used and meaning nothing to you. And yet, here I am.
for someone who is fully content hanging out alone I have a huge want of being someone’s most favorite person in their life.